After the earthquake, everyone's doing pretty wellâ¦except Ryan, who delays getting medical treatment for the huge piece of glass lodged in his back because he doesn't want to worry Taylor. Instead, he calls Seth over, who gets to the Roberts house via a bicycle built for one, but able to seat two. Seth and Ryan take off for the hospital without telling Taylor and Summer where they're really going, leaving Taylor and Summer to search the house for Pancakes. Meanwhile, Julie and Kaitlin are stuck in the ice cream shoppe with Gary the Ice Cream Shoppe Guy, who claims they're being washed out to sea in order to get close to Kaitlin. His plan fails when Frank shows up, but Kaitlin warms up to both Gary and Frank. Seth and Ryan have car trouble en route to the hospital, causing Seth to attempt to change a tire and then run around Newport looking for a way to get Ryan to the hospital. He resorts to a shopping cart before the Frankmobile picks him and Ryan up. Taylor shoots an intruder with a flare gun, only to find out she shot her mother in the foot. It brings them closer together. Sandy and Kirsten spend the episode first bossing Promenade people around, and then at the hospital when Kirsten says something is wrong with her baby. Despite her doctor's worried looks and tests that take an eternity to complete, she and the baby end up being fineâ¦and the baby is a girl! Everyone else ends up at the hospital eventually, be it by Frankmobile or bicycle or wagon. Ryan is fine after a blood transfusion provided by Seth, and the Cohens head homeâ¦only to find the house destroyed.
The earthquake concludes, and Ryan and Taylor are presented with the immediate problem of how to get the cabinet off of them. Ryan hoists it up while Taylor crawls out from under him and then he slides out on the other side. They tell each other they're okay, and then Taylor apologizes for freaking out before almost freaking out again when she thinks she sees blood, saying she faints at the sight of it. Ryan, meanwhile, just looks really annoyed. I guess we can add "earthquakes" to the list of things that really piss Ryan off. He grabs his jacket and cell phone to call the Cohens while Taylor walks around talking about flashlights or whatever. Then he winces and touches his back. His pulls his hand away and there's blood all over it. Uh oh. Apparently, the camera guy faints at the sight of blood too, because we go to all these artsy shots and fades to black as Ryan lies to Taylor that he's going into the hallway to get reception. Because the first thing you should do after an earthquake while inside a structure that's not all that stable is stay in said structure and gab on the phone.
The Promenade is full of injured/shaken citizens and emergency officials. Kirsten is sitting on a bench looking depressed, while Sandy and Bookstore Lady are listening to the radio to find out what they're supposed to do. And that is to "stay calm and stay put." Sandy says that no one will leave the Promenade "unless they have to," like, who died and made you Disaster King, Sandy? Because that radio broadcast said there were no reports of fatalities yet, and I would think that all those emergency workers we've seen would be better for the job. He's such a glory hog. "What are we gonna do with everyone?" Bookstore Lady whines pathetically. Sandy says if they get organized, they won't have any problems. "Get organized?" More like get bore-ganized. Sheesh!
He heads outside to Kirsten, who's sporting a bruise/scrape on her forehead and a bad attitude. "I can't reach either of the boys," she sighs, not at all frantic like you'd think a mother would be. I'm pretty sure if I was in an earthquake and not answering the phone, my mom would be freaking out. Then again, after the first earthquake I was in after I moved to California (during which I pulled what everyone else on this show did and didn't even think to run under a doorway or anything. I stayed in bed the whole time. It's very disappointing when you find out that when push comes to shove, you freeze up and wait to die), I called my mom back home and said that she was sure to hear about the massive earthquake soon on the news and I wanted her to know I was fine. She hadn't heard anything about it on the news, but looked it up and found it listed on the United States Geological Survey site as, like, a 2.7 on the Richter scale. She laughed at me and went off to tell her co-workers about it so they could laugh at me too. She'll be sorry when the Big One really does hit and I don't call her for fear of being embarrassed.
Kirsten's cell phone rings. It's Ryan, checking in. Sandy tells Kirsten to tell Ryan to stay at the Roberts house (since it's not a deathtrap or anything), and then his phone rings. It's Seth, standing over the wreckage of Ryan's jeep and its new hood ornament -- a lamp post. He gets off the phone with Sandy as Summer walks up with a flashlight she found in the car (Boy Scout Ryan is always prepared). He tells her that Sandy told them to walk back to the Cohen house. I guess everyone's supposed to stay calm and stay put except for people who aren't near a tall, collapsible building. Summer's worried that Sandy heard something about aftershocks or looters, and Seth agrees that zombies are a concern, but says that Sandy just thought it would be a safer place for them. Then he gets a text message. It's from Ryan, and it says: "Need yr help. Pls come to Coopers. Dont tell Summer." Lame txt speak, Ryan. I know you're dying and all, but if you have time to capitalize letters and make periods, then you have time to spell all the words out and add apostrophes. Seth says they're going to make a little change of plans. Instead of lasting a decade like it seemed like this initially popular show would, it's being cancelled after a truncated fourth season.
After the credits, we return to the show with a series of shots of various characters in the earthquake aftermath separated by short fades to black: Julie and Kaitlin (thank God they're okay!) eating ice cream, Sandy and Kirsten sitting on a bench and pointing a flashlight in someone's face, Ryan watching Taylor do something, and finally Seth and Summer biking towards the Roberts house. I guess whoever gave Taylor that bike wasn't such an asshole after all. I feel foolish. Summer sits on the handlebars while Seth pedals. A bunch of emergency vehicles with lights flashing and sirens blaring race past and Summer orders Seth to stop the bike. She wants to go to the Cohen house instead, and Seth has to do some quick thinking before invoking the name of Pancakes. The camera zooms in on Summer's worried face. They ride off towards the Roberts house.
Things creak in the Ice Cream Shoppe. Kaitlin finishes off a vat of ice cream while Julie calls Frank and leaves a message for him saying that she and Kaitlin are fine (I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know that his little cockblocker made it through unscathed) and trapped in an ice cream store. Kaitlin insensitively asks her mother why she's even calling Frank if they were taking their relationship "down a notch." Suddenly, the ice cream store employee appears from the back room and reports that the door there is also stuck. What are you doing here, Ice Cream Store Guy? Really, what? It's the penultimate show and we're wasting precious seconds on you? Did Josh Schwartz, like, promise this guy and the mailman and G.E.O.R.G.E. guy that he would give them a small part on the show and now he has to shoehorn them all in or something? Kaitlin makes the best out of a bad situation and puts her order in for another ice cream cone. The ice cream store guy already knows what she wants, though, and says his name is Gary. Julie continues to call him "Ice Cream Guy" and asks if they have a ladder so she can try to escape through the roof.
While Ryan leans against a doorframe and exsanguinates, Taylor shows off her all-purpose, handy-dandy Personal Safety Device, which is a flashlight, radio, cell phone charger, compass, and siren all in one. A cell phone charger is considered a personal safety device now? What times we live in! Taylor also has bottled water, canned goods, a gas mask, and North Korean currency since "you never know." No, but after that giant long distance missile they tried to launch totally fell into the ocean forty seconds after launch, you can probably guess. Ryan turns the radio on, only to hear the news that the first fatality has been reported. A pedestrian was hit by a power line. Ouch. Ryan turns the radio off, and he and Taylor both react to this sobering news. Taylor wonders why her mother hasn't tried to reach her yet and worries it's because something happened to her. Is that a better or worse feeling than knowing your mother isn't contacting you because she hates you? Taylor wants to go to her house and check on her mother, which is not what Ryan wanted to hear. He lies that Seth texted him and said he and Summer are coming to the Roberts house. Oh my god, Ryan. So Taylor doesn't like the sight of blood, so what? She'll faint and then she'll get over it. I'm sure she'd much prefer that than the sight of you dying at her feet because your hero complex prevented you from telling her about your freaking medical emergency!
Sandy rounds everyone up so he can boss them around. I wouldn't stand for that, but the Promenade people have no will, so they listen as Sandy says they should all stay put as there's plenty of shelter, food, and water to go around. There's also a camera that keeps spinning around and zooming in and out. I'm dizzy. Kirsten walks up with some blankets and tells Sandy that his ability to "calm an angry mob" is sexy. Um... angry mob, Kirsten? I guess when you're as depressed as she is, any display of emotion looks extreme, but the only mob I saw was full of children and their half-dead parents, none of whom looked angry. But Sandy accepts the compliment and asks her how she's doing. She says that even though she had her problems with Newport as of late, it's heartbreaking to see it like this. She wanders off to pass out the blankets while Sandy answers his cell.
It's Frank. Oh, crap, he's here too? Every time I think he's gone for good, he comes back. He's calling to check up on Julie and Ryan while stuck in traffic. Sandy says that Ryan's fine, but he doesn't know about Julie. What's up with the selective cell phone service this episode? Julie's been calling and leaving messages all over town, but somehow no one's heard from her? And Frank wouldn't answer his phone when Julie called even though his phone apparently does work. Frank gets all pissy at Sandy for having no news about Julie and hangs up on him. He looks at the traffic. People are out of their cars and milling around like they're in an R.E.M. video.
Gary checks out the scene through the ice cream store roof. He climbs down and informs Kaitlin and Julie that they've somehow managed to get washed out to sea on the pier. Kaitlin's reaction is annoyance, while Julie's is annoyance followed by an awesome "say WHAT?!" face.
Seth and Summer finally show up at the Roberts house, and Seth and Ryan exchange meaningful glances before Summer and Taylor rush off to find Pancakes, who is more important than anything or anyone else. Seth and Ryan leave the two defenseless young ladies to that while they claim to go off to get supplies. Taylor points out that she already has supplies, so Seth says they need anti-zombie gear as well. Hee hee. I love his fear of zombies following natural disasters, especially because I think at least a little part of it is genuine. "Pancakes needs you right now," Seth says. Summer cares more about the rabbit than anyone else, so that works on her. She rushes off to find Pancakes and Taylor follows. As soon as they're gone, Seth asks Ryan what's up.
The girls aren't as stupid as you might think. They noticed how weird Seth and Ryan were acting, but Summer cares more about finding Pancakes. She finds Pancake's heretofore unseen cage (I thought he lived in that stupid bag, although the cage isn't much bigger than that. For an animal lover, Summer sure doesn't seem to mind squeezing her rabbit into cramped living quarters), but it's open and Pancakes is gone.
Outside, Ryan explains to Seth that Taylor "has this thing about blood," and begs Seth not to freak out when he sees Ryan's wound. He pulls his shirt up to reveal a chuck of glass stuck in his side and asks Seth to tell him it's not that bad. "Dude, it's bad," Seth says. Yes, it is. Let Pancakes go, grab the girls, and go to a hospital.
But no, they're driving the Range Rover through the Balboa Wetlands and past the lifeguard tower on what Seth says is a shortcut to the hospital. Some shortcut -- it's over three seasons long! And, they're lost. Way to fucking go, Seth. I mean, really. Did he think the "H" on those blue signs stood for Hospital Not This Way? Ryan's less than thrilled, and he's all sweaty and dying. Seth makes this all about himself and how Ryan's dying is making him feel and then he runs over a tree branch in the road. He stops the car and checks it out (but not before fretting over being attacked by zombies) and finds a flat tire. So what? You can drive on a flat tire. It's not advisable and it will cause further damage to your car, but it's better than causing further damage to Ryan.
And over at on the new Ice Cream Island, Julie and Kaitlin are singing a semi-acapella version of "Night Moves," using ice cream cones as microphones. They finish, and Gary gives them nerdy applause and calls them "amazing!" Julie and Kaitlin giggle the compliment off, and Julie says she used to sing that song to Kaitlin when she was little and scared. She didn't sing that song to Marissa, though, because Marissa never had the ability to act scared. Gary thinks for a second and then asks if that song is appropriate for children. It is if they don't understand the lyrics! When I was two years old, I apparently did a pretty good version of "Cum On Feel The Noize." I'm not sure if that's an awesome part of my past or a shameful one. Julie shrugs and says it's the only song she knows the lyrics to besides "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Gary Dorkface proclaims that this night is like "summer camp with really hot camp counselors." What a creep. Julie says she's sure that someone like Gary must have quite a busy social life, so this can't possibly be the height of it. He doesn't, but he does have "one girl." She's "amazing," he says, and they're "thinking of taking it to the level." Julie and Kaitlin realize that he's totally lying and probably hasn't even talked to the girl yet. They're right. Gary sucks. Go away, Gary. Julie and Kaitlin decide that while they're trapped with Gary, they might as well make him look cool. I know I like to spend my time adrift doing makeovers.
Seth's attempts to call AAA are unsuccessful, so he'll have to change the tire himself. He doesn't think he can, even with Ryan's tutoring. Oh, buck up, Seth. I had to change a tire once all by myself and I survived. It's actually really simple. Ryan walks Seth through the process. He gets started and says that when he was a kid, he used to be a "worrier" so he'd make lists in his head to distract himself from whatever he was worrying about. He thinks they should do this now, and has a great idea for the first list: everyone Ryan's punched in the face since moving to Newport. That will be a long list. First up is Luke, followed by Luke, and then Luke. Seth asks about Holly's dad at the Cotillion, but Ryan says that was more of a tackle than a punch. Number four is Luke, and how did that guy survive Newport with his pretty face intact?
Taylor questions the logic of looking for Pancakes in the attic. She doubts that Pancakes would be able to open the hatch, pull down the ladder, climb up it, and then close the ladder back up and shut the hatch. What Taylor doesn't know is that the Roberts attic has special powers that allow one to simply appear in it without having to go through the bother of actually entering it. Basically, you cease being integral to the storyline and then WHAM! you're there. So that could have happened to Pancakes. They head up the ladder and are greeted by a skeleton. They scream, and the camera cuts back and forth between them and the skeleton while scary music plays. Hee hee hee. Awesome. One poster wondered if this could perhaps be Mischa Barton making one last appearance on the show that "made" her "career," and I can't improve on that. It's not Marissa, though, but "Uncle Al," Dr. Neil's med school skeleton. The girls look around for Pancakes, and Taylor bitterly notes that Summer is a better mother to her rabbit than Mrs. T is to Taylor. Summer tries to make her feel better by saying that her real family might suck, but there are a lot of people who care about her in Newport. "If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's you make your own family," Summer says; "Seems to me that you've scraped together quite an awesome one." Too bad this show got cancelled before we could find out what happened to Summer's mother. Summer hears some banging in the vent. They open it up and there's Pancakes. Unfortunately, there's also an aftershock. Pancakes turns and runs away while Uncle Al falls over. Oh, now he falls? He stood through that whole earthquake, but the puny aftershock was just too much for him? Lame, Uncle Al.
Kaitlin screams as the roof of the Ice Cream Shoppe partially collapses. Newport is the town that Caleb built very shoddily.
The tire is off, and the Range Rover is jacked up when the aftershock hits. While Seth watches helplessly, the Rover sways, knocking the jack off-balance and destroying it.
Kirsten's standing on a stairway clutching the banister. Sandy calls out to her, but stuff is falling all around him so it's not prudent to run to her. When the aftershock stops, Kirsten has disappeared from the staircase. Bookstore Lady finds her lying at the bottom of the stairs looking bored. "Something is not right," she says, holding her belly.
Back from the commercial, the Montage of Disaster gets the creepy arctic wind sound effect treatment as various characters recover from the aftershock. Seth tells Ryan that cell phones and the car's navigation system are now down, so they're stuck. Seth thinks the best course of action is to walk and look for help. Ryan wants to come too, but that's ridiculous. Also, why not drive? It's missing a wheel, so what? If the car still moves, drive it! It's still better than walking. Ryan convinces Seth to let him go with him by reminding him of zombies. And since Ryan's almost dead, he'll be joining their ranks soon. Seth throws Ryan's arm over his shoulder and they start walking. Seth resumes the list, saying they left off at Trey, so now it's the Volchok era. Ryan stops Seth to thank him, and Seth mentions Chili and Johnny, saying that Ryan did not punch either of them, even though "a lot of people were rooting for that." Maybe we can make a list of Seth's meta references .
Sandy and Kirsten had no trouble getting to the hospital, although they might have some trouble getting attention. The place is packed. Regardless, Sandy rushes over to a nearby doctor and demands that his wife be treated right away. The doctor says he's not going to treat Kirsten before all the other people who need help, especially since she doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger. Understandably, Sandy will not accept this. The doctor asks if Kirsten is bleeding, and she says she isn't, but "something isn't right." She should have said she was bleeding. "Something isn't right" won't get you prompt ER attention even on their slowest days. The doctor tells them to get comfortable and tries to escape, but Sandy follows him for a man-to-man chat. He begs the doctor to treat his wife, and a nearby patient wearing a neckbrace and an icepack gives up his spot in line for Sandy and Kirsten. His number is called, and Sandy and Kirsten take it. Thanks, Random Neckbrace Guy! Hope you don't die while you're waiting!
Kaitlin's not having fun anymore. They're out of ice cream and adrift in the Pacific Ocean, somehow. Julie decides to check out the roof for herself, much to Makeover Gary's chagrin. Makeover Gary, by the way, looks just like he did before except he isn't wearing the apron or the bowtie. It's not much of an improvement. He breaks out in an asthma attack to get Julie to stop climbing onto the roof. Kaitlin hopes that he has an epi pen she can stab him with, but no. Damn! Gary says the only cure for his asthma attack is if no one climbs on the roof. That, and an encore performance of "Night Moves." How has no one seen what a creepy lying weirdo Gary is at this point? Probably because they aren't paying attention to him, as they shouldn't. I wish I didn't have to. Julie starts singing while Gary flops on a table and gasps away. His performance is so convincing that Kaitlin decides he needs CPR even though he's breathing and his heart is still beating. She does chest compressions that are really bad for you if your heart is beating and then breathes into his mouth. During all this, Julie's still singing "Night Moves" and really getting into it. Kaitlin shrieks and leaps away from Gary. The asshole Sandloted her and slipped her some tongue while she was trying to save his life! "I'm sorry," he says. Just kill him, girls. It's okay. The series is ending -- no one will find out! It occurs to Julie that the amazing girl Gary likes is Kaitlin. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," Kaitlin snorts. That would have been a good spot for a trademark "oh, crap." It's not a good spot for the zoom into Gary's face, however.
In the attic, Summer resumes her search for Pancakes. Taylor points out that it's been over an hour since Seth and Ryan left and she's getting worried. Summer says she's "freaking terrified" about this, and that's why she's focusing on finding Pancakes and not the fact that her boyfriend could be zombie food. Suddenly, they hear noises downstairs. Summer finally loses it and runs around the attic looking for a hiding spot. She ducks into the vent and starts screaming. I can't really blame her. Taylor shushes her and says she has a "better idea." What's a better idea than hiding?
At the ice cream store, Kaitlin, Julie, and Gary try to move something out of the way of the door while the girls yell at Gary for his lies. His excuse is that Kaitlin comes to the ice cream store "all the time" (despite her trim figure) and never pays attention to him. "I know the only reason you'd ever get to know me is if you have no choice," Gary says. Hmm... sounds like he thought that through before the earthquake and it was only a matter of time before Kaitlin got abducted and stuck in a pit in Gary's basement. She's lucky the earthquake happened, I guess. He says that when he got his chance, he didn't want it to end. "That's understandable," Kaitlin says. It is. She's pretty awesome; who wouldn't want to be near her? Julie starts to realize that Gary lied about more than the asthma attack when someone starts crashing around outside the ice cream store. After a Herculean effort, Frank manages to get the door open. What a welcome sight he is. Julie and Frank embrace, and, with Kaitlin's permission, make out. Frank also breaks the news that the pier wasn't washed out to sea after all. The girls turn and glare at Gary. Well, that's what you get for not checking it out yourself.
Kirsten's doctor is on call during earthquakes, so she checks out the baby on the ultrasound. There's a heartbeat, she says, but the baby is "under stress" and "after a fall, there can be separation." Separation of what? Church and state? Head and body? It doesn't sound good, whatever it is. Sandy asks if that's treatable, and the doctor just says they still have some tests to run. Then she separates herself from the room.
Seth and Ryan continue their walk down memory lane and towards the hospital. Seth asks Ryan who was a better server: Chloe or Don? Ryan says Chloe. Seth asks who Ryan would rather be stranded on a desert island with: Sadie or Lindsay? Ugh, neither. Ryan can't answer because he's dying and can't walk anymore. Seth helps him sit on a curb while Thom Yorke wails away. Seth has no choice but to leave Ryan there. I don't want Ryan to die, but it would kind of serve him right after delaying medical treatment and walking around while bleeding.
Taylor got her hands on a flare gun, courtesy of Jimmy Cooper's love of boating (but... what's it doing at Dr. Neil's? Why would Julie bring that with her when she moved in? Whatever) and she is locked and loaded. Summer doesn't like this plan, but more noise downstairs makes it apparent that they have no choice but to confront the dangerous burglar.
Taylor takes a corner, Charlie's Angels style, while Summer provides backup with the flashlight. They make their way to the kitchen, and there's the looter. Taylor orders him to stop or she'll shoot. The looter turns towards them, and Taylor shoves Summer out of the way before doing an epic maneuver of a barrel-roll across the floor, standing, and firing the flare gun. Unfortunately, all that comes out is a crappy CGI effect of a sparkly orb flying through the kitchen, taking out a chandelier, and then landing on the perpetrator's foot. A decidedly female voice cries out in pain. It's Mrs. T! "Taylor, you shot me!" she gasps. Aww, I'm so glad she showed up. Extra characters like Gary: bad. Extra characters like Mrs. T: good.
Back from commercial, Mrs. T says she was worried about Taylor and all it got her was an injured toe. She mutters that she'll ignore her maternal instincts from now on. I guess someone shot her heart with a flare gun, too. You know, if you're self-aware enough about your shitty parenting skills to make a joke about it, you might want to, like, go to therapy and work on how to stop being such a horrible person. I will never understand parents who treat their own children badly. It doesn't even make sense on a purely scientific, biological level. Mrs. T. says she'll need to see a plastic surgeon "right away" to fix her toe. Too bad Newport's only plastic surgeon is in Seattle forever and ever! That's the best excuse they could come up with to get Mrs. T, Taylor, and Summer to the hospital? Lame. Taylor says there's no way to get to the hospital, so Mrs. T will just have to deal. Then Summer comes in with Pancakes, who she found limping in the garage. Everyone cares a lot more about Pancakes than they do Mrs. T. Summer says she is going to get help for Pancakes. Her reasons for this are threefold: she's worried about Seth, she's worried about Pancakes, and she can't listen to anymore of Mrs. T's whining. Taylor can't listen to it either, and tells Mrs. T to sit tight while she and Summer go to the hospital with Pancakes. Mrs. T can't believe that Pancakes is getting better treatment than her. See how it feels, Mother of the Year. Summer has an idea of how they can all get to the hospital.
We cut to Taylor dragging a wagon full of Mrs. T outside. "This is not okay with me," she snaps. Too bad, say the girls. Mrs. T refuses to hold Pancakes unless she gets to make a vest out of him later. Hee. I love Mrs. T, even if she doesn't love me or anyone else. So Summer will hold Pancakes while Taylor rides the bike that's hooked up to the wagon.
At the ice cream store, Kaitlin's shoveling sundae toppings into a bag while Gary says that he's not sorry about what he did because he had a great night. And all he had to do was keep his crush and her mother away from their friends and family who could have been fatally injured. What a catch! Kaitlin relents and says that she likes ice cream a lot. After the store is fixed, she'll stop by again. And she admits to being impressed by Gary's lying abilities. I guess everyone has one redeeming trait. With that, she leaves Gary standing there. "Best. Earthquake. Ever," he says. Yeah, until he goes home and finds the bodies of his family scattered amongst the rubble of what his house used to be.
Sandy is walking around the hospital hallways with two empty cups of coffee when he spots Kirsten's doctor. She says the tests aren't back yet, and Sandy asks her to tell him what the news is before she tells Kirsten so he can "prepare" Kirsten. Kirsten always seems prepared to get bad news, so I don't think it'll take much. Even though the doctor's obviously busy, Sandy keeps talking to her, saying that he and Kirsten thought they were about to have an "empty nest" with Seth and Ryan going off to school. "I can't imagine anything worse than an empty nest," he says; "Anything you can do for that little baby, please do it." Well, now that he's said that, I'm sure the doctor will give Kirsten the super-secret baby-saving drugs.
Of course, Seth runs into Darryl hovering over a trash can fire. He says he needs Darryl's help, then realizes that Darryl has nothing to give him. Except for his shopping cart. Yes, a rickety shopping cart full of infection sources is a great way to transport someone to the hospital. Darryl refuses to give that up... until Seth gives him the keys to the Rover. I'm sure Sandy and Kirsten will understand.
Summer demands that the cold-hearted ER doctor treat her stupid rabbit. In the background, we hear children screaming and crying as they are deprived medical attention. The doctor says he went to veterinarian school for a year and takes Pancakes and says he'll see if there's an open X-ray machine. I'm sure the hospital patients will be thrilled that a rodent has invaded their sterile healing facility.
Frank, Julie, and Kaitlin drive down an empty street in Frank's boat-sized car. Frank and Kaitlin make peace, and Kaitlin apologizes to Frank for the mugshot thing that I didn't think he even knew about until just now. Julie asks Kaitlin were she got the Clown Porn. "I found it in Dr. Roberts' study," Kaitlin says. Julie and Frank believe her for a second. She claims to be joking, but from what I know about Dr. Neil, I think it's true. Kaitlin starts suggesting that Frank get a haircut (oh god, yes) but then Julie spots Seth running down the street pushing a shopping cart. They drive right past him until Kaitlin suggests pulling over.
Taylor apologizes to her mother for the shooting. She says she loves her mother, even though they fight. It takes Mrs. T way too long to say she loves Taylor, too. "I don't think I've ever heard you say that before," Taylor says. Christ, is Mrs. T a bad mother. She says that all she thought about after the earthquake was Taylor and making sure she was okay, but then she was shot because she's such a "failure as a mother" that her own daughter didn't think she would come looking for her. They hug, and Mrs. T would probably have tears in her eyes if she was capable of feelings.
Ryan made it to the hospital. He wakes up in bed and sees Seth sitting at his bedside. Seth says that he'd tell Ryan that he "gave us all quite a scare," but since he wasn't scared, he won't. Yes, Seth, you were very brave. You're a hero! He also took the step of donating blood, so now he's coursing through Ryan's veins as well! Hmm... let's hope that sketchy Mexico tattoo didn't come with any nasty diseases! Ryan says he suddenly has the urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books. "For real?" Seth asks hopefully. No, Ryan says. "That's too bad, because if we could've turned this into a body swap comedy, we could've squeezed another year or two out of this," says Seth, the Voice of Meta. Ryan tries to thank Seth again, but he says that Ryan has saved him plenty of times. He owed him one.
Ryan asks about everyone else, and Seth says that Mrs. T and Pancakes have matching casts, Frank, Julie, and Kaitlin are around somewhere, and Sandy and Kirsten are still waiting for the test results. They appear in the doorway, and Kirsten says that everything is fine. No separation, whatever that was. And Kirsten is having a girl! Hmm... that means that there's a possibility that when the baby is born, someone will hold it and say "Welcome to the O.C., bitch!" It would be a good way to end the series, I think.
Finally, everyone leaves the hospital. Ryan and the Cohens chat and meet up with Summer and Pancakes. Taylor clings to her mother as she fills out her discharge papers. When Ryan comes around the corner, she runs up and gives him a big hug. Aw. The group keeps walking and comes across Kaitlin cutting Frank's hair with Julie's nail scissors. Good. Julie's there, too, and she hugs and kisses Sandy and Kirsten. Sandy even shakes Frank's hand. Ryan leaves the hospital with one arm around Frank and the other around Taylor. Mrs. T brings up the rear with only her crutches for company. And this time, we fade to white.
Darryl joins an exclusive club of O.C. characters with real plotline resolution. He drags his belongings to the abandoned Rover. He opens the trunk and climbs into his new $70,000 home.
Ryan and the Cohens return home. Sandy's pleased to see that the house seems to have stood up pretty well. They're looking forward to sleeping in their beds and eating grill food. Sandy opens the door, and even though a picture on the foyer wall somehow survived the earthquake unscathed, the rest of the house didn't fare as well. In fact, it's just a shell at this point; the roof caved in and has destroyed everything inside it. Good thing they weren't home during the earthquake, eh? "Oh, my god," Sandy mutters.
week is it! Cross your fingers they don't do what they did with this episode and try to cram too much into one hour. This show deserves to go out on a high note.