It's morning in the Cohen kitchen. Seth does his usual self-admiration in the reflection of a well-stocked wine cabinet (how sensitive to Kirsten the Alcoholic's needs, there, Sandy) and notes that his complexion is clear today, thanks to the oil-clearing powers of NEUTROGENA! Oh, wait -- Mischa Barton's the spokesperson for Neutrogena, not Adam Brody. In that case, we can chalk it up to a recent run of good fortune for everyone, including Marissa getting back into Harbor and other Marissa-centric things. No one points out that things aren't going so well for Johnny because no one cares about him. Seth is well-versed in television melodrama, so he knows that this means something big and bad is about to befall them. Ryan isn't too concerneduntil the doorbell rings. Seth begs him not to answer the door, saying they could be looking at a "flaming bag of crap" or, for those of you who have seen Trapped in the Closet, Rose the Nosey Neighbor with a spatula in her hand. It turns out that Seth was correct, as Ryan opens the door to reveal the long-neglected Kaitlin Cooper, who went to what she thought was her home only to find it filled with rich Persians who gave her the Cohens' house as Julie's mail-forwarding address. I know Julie's having trouble accepting the reality of her situation, but it's really not cool for her to just expect the Cohens to take care of her mail like that. Ryan doesn't know who Kaitlin even is (I know she wasn't in that many episodes, but come ON) until she addresses him by name and Seth wanders in and admires her new boobs. I can't even tell you guys how excited I am, now that I have not one, but TWO troubled young Coopers to endure.
After the credits, all the Cohens meet in the kitchen and discuss the reappearance of Kaitlin. They wonder what she's doing home in the middle of the semester. They should be wondering why she hasn't been home or seen anyone in her family at all for the last two years. Isn't that child neglect? Summer enters, and Seth informs her that Kaitlin is back and that Mini-Cooper is "not so Mini." Because, you know, she has boobs. And both she and the actress playing her are fourteen, I believe, so this is starting to get into child porn territory. Julie, followed by Marissa, enter, and Julie is not looking forward to telling her youngest daughter that her family is now poor trailer trash. Kaitlin finally enters and the family has a hug- and smile-filled reunion. She explains to her clueless mom that she's home because her school is on "mid-winter break," then asks where Julie's new house is. This is everyone else's cue to get right on out of their own kitchen so that mother and daughter can have their talk.
Cut to Julie pulling up to their new trailer. Kaitlin is very sad, even as Julie tries to put a positive spin on their circumstances; they're only a half-mile from the beach and the trailer is "Tiffany blue." I don't even know what that means, but if Julie's trailer is anything to go by, it's not a desirable color for a house exterior. Inside, Julie shows Kaitlin around, taking great pride in the really cool bed that pulls out of a thin cupboard. It's like an Inspector Gadget bed! I want one. Kaitlin isn't as impressed as I am, though, so Julie apologizes again and says that Kaitlin should look at this as a "life experience," and take comfort in the fact that Britney Spears also came from a trailer park. Yes, that certainly does give Kaitlin a lot to look forward to. Julie changes the subject to Kaitlin's purse, a really ugly dog stuffed animal thing that Marissa gave her. It's even more versatile than Julie's bed-cabinet, as it has a third use: a plot point (oh, you'll see). Julie decides to blow off her meeting with Kirsten for some manicure and chat time with her newfound daughter, because we can afford to take time off from the business we haven't even gotten around to starting yet. This gives Kaitlin time to answer a phone call. It's a guy who's mad at Kaitlin for skipping town on him. Kaitlin hangs up on his ass. Oooh...mysterious!