We're back and better than ever, as far as this season goes. After finding out that Dean Evil left a little present on his permanent record that guarantees he won't be allowed into any colleges EVER, Ryan quits school (a.k.a. tells his invisible tutor to shove off -- oh, how the rich live!), and gets a job on Johnny's uncle's fishing boat. No one's pleased by this particular turn of events, leading to a hilariously awkward farewell dinner on the eve of Ryan's fishing voyage, and Marissa tells Ryan off but good for running away from his problems just like her coward father did. Meanwhile, Summer and Seth hatch a convoluted plan to catch Taylor Townsend and Dean Evil together that I still don't understand, but it works and gets Dean Evil back to the East Coast and Ryan back into Harbor. Problem is, Ryan's already left to go fishing -- or has he? Of course not! He comes back because of what Marissa said, finds out the good news about Harbor, and the four walk on the beach and talk about how Ryan could've been a fluffer with his high-school dropout skills. Also, 7 'n 7, a.k.a The Worst Con Artist Ever, pays a crapload of money to get to Julie, who doesn't have any money to get.
Last time on The O.C.: clips are shown in a backwards order that creates more confusion than it clears up. The White Sox won the World Series against the Astros. The Astros beat the Cardinals for the National League championship to advance to the World Series. The White Sox won the American League after beating the Angels.
The culinarily-ambitious Kirsten has whipped up a special surprise for breakfast: she hid the cereal and bagels, thereby forcing Ryan and Seth to eat the Eggs Benedict and [a bunch of French words] she has created. Seth's protests are silenced with a stern "sit," and then Sandy walks in, wondering what smells. Whatever he was about to qualify that verb with is changed to "fancy" once he notices that Kirsten's cooking is the kitchen culprit. I wonder what he was actually going to say. Could it be...dancey? It probably smells like that bulimic ballerina's barf. Sandy's cell phone rings, saving him from breakfast. It's Dr. Kim, apparently just getting off working the night shift at Harbor, since she obviously isn't running the place during the day. Sandy takes her call in another room, and Seth and Ryan go back to glaring at their breakfast. Kirsten points out that this is just the beginning of all the new things they'll be introduced to when they go to college year. "Yeah, horny co-eds and alcohol poisoning," Seth answers, because he apparently wants his parents to force him to attend a commuter school. "I just don't think they're gonna have French fusion on the menu." Please, like that fancy-pants private school Harbor doesn't serve that stuff already.
Sandy returns with an odd look on his face that Ryan takes to mean Dr. Kim won't let Ryan attend tonight's college fair. Actually, since the college fair is considered a public event that's just being hosted by a private school, Ryan can go. Seth and Ryan leave to get ready for school without even trying Kirsten's breakfast. That's really rude! Perhaps they're showing that they still have some lingering issues with Kirsten and her drinking problem by refusing to accept her rehab-learned attempts to cope with it? We'll never know, since this show has decided not to address those potentially interesting storylines in favor of showing us the Borg woman from Star Trek's attempt to pull off the stupidest con in the history of ever. Sandy tells Kirsten that Dean Evil is making it his "personal crusade" to make sure that Ryan doesn't get into any good colleges by attaching a note to his permanent record warning that Ryan is "pathologically violent." Sandy and Kirsten are both disgusted by this move, although, surprisingly, they aren't mad at Ryan -- who should have known something like this would happen when he punched out the school's Dean of Discipline -- but at Dean Evil himself.
I fail to understand why this show insists on playing songs with words in them while its characters are speaking. It's, like, the #2 rule in radio broadcasting never to speak over the song's lyrics for a reason. This is especially apparent when the song is really good and I'd rather listen to it than to the show's characters, which is just about all the time on this show, thanks to the great music direction and the not-as-great writing. Summer and Marissa jostle for position in front of Summer's mirror to apply their makeup. Apparently, Summer's stepmother's wickedness extends to only allowing her self-absorbed daughter to keep one tiny mirror in their entire mansion. Torture! Marissa exposits that Summer must be getting sick of having to share space with her. Summer denies this, and invites Marissa to the college fair, but Marissa turns down the invitation, saying she really isn't thinking about college right now, what with all the other problems she has, like being "homeless, going to public school, and totally broke." Uh...one of those things is not as bad as the others, Marissa. Get some perspective, please.
Marissa's cell phone rings, thereby proving that she's quite as broke as she claims to be. It's Julie, lounging poolside. She tells Marissa that Kirsten has some fabulous beachside property to show her, so their homelessness shouldn't last too much longer. It seems like a gigantic waste of time to look at places to live without having the means to afford them first, but whatever, Julie. She assures Marissa that she has a plan, and hangs up. The camera pulls back to reveal that Julie is lounging by her seedy motel's disgusting pool. A police officer leads a handcuffed perp around Julie's chair, knocking into it. He apologizes, making him the most polite California cop I've ever seen. Meanwhile, Julie should really take a lesson on smart money management from the motel owner, who has cut down on his water bills by relying on his motel's occupants to keep the pool filled with a reliably steady stream of semen and piss.
Summer spies on Taylor Townsend, whose tackily bejeweled Sidekick is texting the message "Lol U R SO NAWTY" to someone named "Dartman 4 u." Nice screen name, there, Dean Evil. Also, Taylor Townsend wouldn't last three minutes on the TWoP forums. Seth tells Summer that he still doesn't believe her suspicions about Taylor Townsend and Dean Evil. He thinks Summer just saw what she wanted to see at the dance. Summer says there is no way Dean Evil and Taylor Townsend making out was something she wanted to see, and takes off to follow Taylor Townsend, who has to be more supportive than Summer's boyfriend.
Marissa and Ryan walk over to a wobbly public school lunch table, where Marissa's annoying friends greet her and her visitor, who is allowed to hang out on school grounds despite his non-student status. Stupid Chili gets things off on an awkward foot by telling Ryan that he's "pretty," with his "chiseled jaw" and "deep soulful eyes." If Ryan ever dies, Chili says he'll be more than happy to swoop in to "take care of [Ryan's] woman." What a gesture. Ryan and Johnny greet each other, and Ryan apologizes for his behavior last week. Johnny says he understands; Ryan reacted like anyone would if he saw his "girl" talking to a strange guy. Marissa needs to meet people who regard woman as humans rather than possessions. Casey asks if they'd like to sit down at their table, like, no, Casey, they were just hovering around you with their lunch trays because they wanted to stand and eat. Marissa and Ryan sit down, and the Public Skool Kidz are psyched to hear Ryan's exciting tale of punching the Dean out and landing in homeschool, where he never seems to be at home or doing school. Johnny wishes he could be homeschooled, too, which is what every kid wants until he meets someone who actually is homeschooled. Sorry to put you homeschooled kids down, but the majority of you turn out weird, usually at a rate proportional rate to your intelligence. I speak from experience: when I was in eleventh grade, this girl enrolled in our school after spending her childhood being homeschooled in her house way back in the woods. She was two years younger than everyone, which put her at a social disadvantage already, and when she wasn't screaming out the answers to math problems with her loud-ass voice and wearing bonnets, she was writing articles for the school newspaper about how stupid her supposed honors classmates were and how they showed that the public education system is just a mediocrity mill. The last straw was when she turned our entire English class in for cheating on the Walden test. Yes, cheating is wrong, but...have you ever read Walden? Chapter 7 is about beans, for god's sake! Anyway, Johnny shares that he grew up in Brea, which is apparently a lot like Chino, so Ryan and Johnny bond over that. The womenfolk (I include Chili in that group) go get some frozen yogurt to give the guys a chance to bond. What kind of fancy-dancey public school has a frozen yogurt machine? Come on, now! Also, I like Casey's shirt.
Over at Harbor, Summer Harriet the Spies down the hall after Taylor Townsend. Her mission is interrupted when Taylor Townsend spins around and demands to know why Summer is stalking her. Nice job with the incognita there, Summer. "The Single White Female thing is so mid-'90s," Taylor Townsend says, as if that fuschia sweater/blouse combo she's sporting isn't, "and it never ends well for the ugly one." Hey, THANKS FOR THE SPOILER, T.T.! Now I'll never truly enjoy that movie if I ever do end up seeing it. Personally, I subscribe to the other theory about stalkers based on a movie from the '90s: The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. And there, the ugly one lives and the pretty one is impaled by a very sharp fence, so don't despair, Summer! Not that Summer isn't pretty. Everyone on this show is pretty. Just ask Chili. Summer says that Taylor Townsend hasn't even begun to see her crazy side. Taylor Townsend reminds Summer that she's "kinda close" with the Dean of Discipline, so Summer had better watch it with the vague threats. Of course, Summer can't let a beautiful opportunity like that just go by. She says she's noticed how close Dean Evil is with certain people, and that he might want to be more discreet in the future or he'll get in a lot of trouble. Taylor Townsend presses Summer for details, and Summer admits that she saw Dean Evil kissing...Miss Applebaum, the volleyball coach?! Yes, Summer, yes! Play those mental games! Awesome. Although, if Taylor Townsend really thought about it, she'd know that Summer's story was totally not true. I mean, the volleyball coach? Kissing a man? No. (Heterosexual female volleyball coaches, please ask the nearest not-weird homeschooler what my email address for your angry letters.) Unnerved, Taylor Townsend accuses Summer of lying. The bell rings; Summer wishes Taylor Townsend a "super day," and walks off. Sadly, her triumphant exit is ruined when she goes the wrong way to class and has to turn around and walk past Taylor Townsend again. Hee. Meanwhile, Taylor Townsend just stands there with her mouth hanging open. I guess you don't have to be worried about being late for class when you have a special hall pass in your vagina.
Amazingly, Julie was actually telling the truth when she told Marissa that Kirsten had those properties to show her. She's hanging at the Cohen residence looking at condo brochures. Kirsten says that Julie will only need 10% of the condo's price for a down payment. From the look on Julie's face, even 10% is too much. Actually, Julie's facial expressions have been Botoxed away, so it was more the disappointed way she said "ten percent?" than the look on her face, but still. What was Julie expecting, anyway? You always have to commit a down payment when you buy a property, and if it's a property in Newport, it's going to be a sizable sum. Julie needs to stop looking at expensive condos and start looking at the Help Wanted ads if she wants to help herself. Kirsten kindly offers to help Julie out with the money, but Julie's too proud to beg. She says she doesn't need any money, as she stares at her huge engagement ring/down payment.
The doorbell rings, and Kirsten lets the unannounced and uninvited 7 'n 7 into the kitchen. Kirsten introduces Julie to 7 'n 7 as her friend from SURIAK. Julie asks if 7 'n 7 was a doctor there, which, if 7 'n 7 isn't volunteering the information, it's pretty safe to assume that she was the one paying to be at SURIAK, not being paid to be there. At this, Julie immediately begs off because she doesn't want to hang out with people who have actually faced and done something about their problems. 7 'n 7 totally checks out Julie's ass as she leaves, and Jeri Ryan really needs to learn the difference between the "scheming" and the "sexy" look if her character isn't supposed to be a lesbian. 7 'n 7 apologizes to Kirsten for being a rude git and not calling before she came over. She hopes she didn't scare Julie away. Kirsten says it takes a lot to scare Julie, since "she's married to [Kirsten's] dad." Interesting use of present tense there. 7 'n 7 comments on the size of Julie's ring, and Kirsten says that's about all Julie got from Kirsten's dad. 7 'n 7 checks out Julie's condominium brochure as Kirsten goes to fix her a salad. Apparently she stuffs a few croutons in her ears as she does this because she doesn't hear 7 'n 7 pretty much screaming to herself that Julie must be feeling very vulnerable right now. The scene ends before 7 'n 7 can throw her head back and laugh evilly and put a fake moustache on her face so she can twirl it.
Summer once again tries to convince Marissa to go to the college fair, but Marissa claims that she has to study for a Trig exam. You know she's lying because they don't teach higher math in public school. Summer's like, "Okay, whatever," and leaves the room. Marissa calls after her that she'll be fine, even though Summer didn't ask and probably doesn't care. I know I don't.
Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, and Ryan walk through the college fair. In a shocking display of physical affection, Seth and Summer are holding hands. The couple disappears, leaving Ryan with Sandy and Kirsten. He says it's weird being back in Harbor. Sandy recommends that Ryan take a look at Berkeley, where some "very pretty girls" are known to study.
Seth and Summer walk past a Harvard table. (Does Harvard really need to go to college fairs? They certainly weren't at my school's, but then again, we were public so all we got was an ITT table and some pamphlets from local community colleges. Used pamphlets.) Summer isn't too pleased to see that all the good schools are in the Northeast, where winter exists and makes Summer unhappy as she's already anticipating the jokes her name will make her the butt of. Suddenly, she spots Dean Evil and Taylor Townsend having an animated fight behind a sort-of-closed door. Seth doesn't see that as proof that the two are involved. Summer says she'll get Seth his proof, and walks off determinedly.
Meanwhile, Ryan, Kirsten, and Sandy are talking to the Berkeley guy about Ryan's college plans. The music turns ominous as Sandy sees Dean Evil slithering toward them. Sandy walks over to cut Dean Evil off, but not before Kirsten and Ryan notice. Dean Evil wants Ryan removed from the premises, but Sandy explains that he has Dr. Kim's permission for Ryan to be there. Dean Evil gets the last smirk as he says it's not like Ryan will get into any of the schools at this fair, what with that note on his permanent record. Sandy asks Dean Evil to take the letter off and not ruin Ryan's future as Ryan walks up and overhears Sandy say that Dean Evil is "killing" Ryan's "one shot." Because we can't succeed in life if we don't go to college -- a prestigious college, at that. Dean Evil agrees to take the letter off of Ryan's record, and even graciously extends him an invitation to re-enroll at Harbor. Except not, because we couldn't have such an easy conclusion in such a short period of time! Such things take at least another twenty minutes. Sandy turns around and sees Ryan watching them. Ryan takes off.
The morning, Seth enters the poolhouse with a cup of coffee just for Ryan. But Ryan's nowhere to be found, and Seth mutters an "oh no," because he really doesn't want to do the Ryan's Upset and Missing! thing he's already had to do fifty thousand times in less than three seasons alone. Fortunately, Ryan is still there -- he was just in the shower. Seth says he's glad to see that last night's events didn't cause Ryan to do something stupid, like run away from home. No, he's going to do something really stupid. Ryan says he never expected to go to college before he met the Cohens, and that no one else in his family even finished high school. And because they're all such great examples, he's dropping out of school, too. "Have you told my parents?" Seth asks, assholishly not referring to them as parents to both of them. Ryan doesn't answer.
Ryan informs Marissa about his decision over the phone as she closes her locker. She hangs up on him when the bell rings, saying they'll talk about this later. Johnny walks up and asks what's going on. Don't you have a girlfriend to talk to, Johnny? Marissa is disgusted that Ryan is blowing the chance to be different than the rest of his family, but doesn't know anyone who can make him change his mind. How about Trey, the high-school dropout car thief druggie rapist fugitive? That'd make me think twice about how I wanted to end up, anyway.
Julie's checking out the condo when a realtor walks in, looking for "Miss Morgan." Julie says she's not Miss Morgan, but that she noticed that the door was open and thought she'd take a look at the place by herself. She likes what she sees, so she'll be buying it with the cash she brought with her in her pocketbook. Carrying thousands of dollars around in your pocketbook is really, really dumb, but then, it's not like anyone in that family is a rocket scientist. At least they knew to finish high school, though, Ryan. Realtor explains that Julie's looking at a four-bedroom model, not the two-bedroom "garden" (i.e. basement) unit that's more consistent with Julie's price range. Then 7 'n 7 -- the Miss Morgan the realtor was there to see -- strolls in and innocently asks Julie what she's doing in the place 7 'n 7was hoping to make her "little crash pad" while she did some business in the area. Julie snots that she was actually hoping for a place with a "better view," and leaves. Because her motel room is so much better than a basement condo. 7 'n 7 manages to keep her inner monologue of "Julie's pocketbook is bulky and full -- perhaps there is money in there I can swindle her out of!" silent this time.
Seth finds Summer at the Harbor hangout spot, and asks her to stop being mad at him for not believing her about T.T. and D.E., since they now have a bigger issue to deal with: Ryan quit school. Summer says she's already dealing with the problem by writing a letter. Seth thinks a petition to get Ryan back at Harbor is a great idea. Too bad it's not Summer's; she's writing an apology letter to Taylor Townsend from Dean Evil. She also calls Seth a "dumb-ass" for thinking her plan would be as practical and mundane as a petition. Summer hopes the letter with reunite Dean Evil and Taylor Townsend, which will allow her to catch them together and then use the incriminating evidence to blackmail Dean Evil into letting Ryan back into Harbor. "Huh," Seth says, managing to keep his inner monologue of "my girlfriend is a silly idiot" silent.
Kirsten gets off the phone with Ryan's invisible tutor, who was calling to get her final invisible paycheck for her invisible tutoring services. Kirsten tells Sandy that Ryan fired his tutor to drop out of school, and Sandy angrily asks where Ryan is. Kirsten says that Seth lied to her that Ryan was at the library. Sandy says he "thought today was going to be boring." Oh, but it is, Sandy. It is.
Johnny finds Ryan at the diner. He pretends he just happened to be getting a burger and found Ryan by coincidence, but Ryan doesn't believe that for a second. He tells Johnny he doesn't need advice from someone he barely knows. Johnny says he didn't come to give any: he's not going to college either. He thinks surfing is a better career choice. Ryan says that's a better plan than his, which is to get some job somewhere, save his money (which should be pretty easy if the Cohens continue to let him live and eat with them for free), and then maybe figure something else out later. Ryan's looking at construction work, saying he's done it before and "liked the work." Except that he hated it, but whatever. Johnny says his uncle has a "commercial fishing operation." It's brutal work, but the pay is great. And he's always looking for strapping young lads. Oh boy, if this turns into an episode of Deadliest Catch, I just might love this show forever and ever.
We get a long, slow, time-filling dissolve into later that night, where Kirsten, Sandy, and Seth are seated around the dinner table, silent. There's a conspicuously empty chair there. Actually, there are three conspicuously empty chairs. What's that about? Are they expecting guests? I hope 7 'n 7 isn't one of them. Or Marissa. Maybe Taylor Townsend, though. Seth breaks the silence and wonders if Ryan has left to join a cult, which only makes Sandy and Kirsten worry more. There's a time and a place for jokes, Seth. Learn it. Just as Kirsten is about to try calling him again, Ryan comes home. Seth says they were about to put out an Amber Alert. Can you do that for a thirty-year-old? Oh, wait -- Ryan is supposed to be seventeen. How could I have made such a mistake? Sandy scolds Ryan for leaving without telling anyone where he was going, and Ryan promises that it won't happen again, which I sincerely doubt. Sandy high-hopes that he talked to Ryan's tutor and got her to come in over the weekend to catch him up on what he missed today. Ryan says that won't be necessary, and hands Sandy the guardian release form he needs signed so he can work at his new job. On a fishing boat. Sandy does not like this idea. Ryan reaches for the rolls and says that the future the Cohens planned for him is trashed. "You have to keep trying!" Sandy says. "No, I don't!" Ryan replies, and Seth and Kirsten both make "oh, it's serious talk time" faces. Ryan says he was trying, and now he has to make his own decisions and Sandy has to let him go. Sandy thinks for a minute and signs the form. Way to not consult Kirsten on that one, Dad.
The morning, Ryan hands the guy I'm guessing is Johnny's uncle the signed guardian release form and says he's ready, willing, and able to be a fisherman. Uncle J says he has an open position. The boat's heading out for a three-week voyage at sunset the day. I'm no boating expert, but don't boats usually launch at sunrise? Maybe they're gathering night crawlers for bait. Uncle J tells Ryan not to be late, without giving him an exact time to be there.
Sandy returns from a morning surf. He and Kirsten discuss Ryan, and Sandy says he's planning to stick to his plan of letting Ryan do whatever he wants and hope for the best. Kirsten asks Sandy if he would act this way if it were Seth. Sandy says he would and did. Kirsten thinks letting Seth spend the summer in Portland is different, since he didn't miss school. Sandy says he understands how Ryan feels, and points out that Sandy himself left home when he was seventeen, too. Kirsten still isn't going for it, because she's a good parent. Sandy assures Kirsten that Ryan will come around eventually. Marissa walks right on into the Cohen kitchen as part of her preparation for a life of homeless squatting (might want to make sure the properties are actually abandoned in future efforts there, Marissa) and asks if they know where Ryan is. He hasn't returned any of her phone calls, which she took to mean that he wanted her to bother him in person. They tell her he'll be back home soon. Sandy says it's important for them all to support Ryan, "no matter what." Hey -- you don't need a high-school diploma to embark on the exciting career of a serial killer! I can just see Sandy being all reverse-psychology supportive with that, buying Ryan that stranglin' rope he needs and not mentioning how every time Ryan's in the kitchen, one of their knives disappears. Kirsten sarcastically asks if they should throw Ryan a going-away dinner. Sandy loves this idea. ["Of course he does: it's not an episode of The O.C. without a terribly awkward party!" -- Wing Chun] Marissa asks where Ryan is going away to. Sandy and Kirsten make "d'oh!" faces.
Summer's fake letter to Taylor Townsend quotes the season finale of The Valley. Way to use the one TV show with dialogue even less realistic than this one, Summer. Will the "P.S." feature some lines from 7th Heaven? Summer asks Seth to proofread it for her, and he says he'll have to do it fast, since Ryan is well on his way to becoming the Gorton's Fisherman. "Huh," says Summer, not getting the reference, which is odd, since I would have bet her skull was filled with fish sticks in lieu of brains. Seth explains, being careful not to use any words with more than two syllables, that Sandy is letting Ryan go fishing as part of his "Jedi mind-meld" reverse psychology technique. Come on, Seth! Any dork worth his Warcraft figurines knows that "Jedi" is from Star Wars, while "mind-meld" is a Star Trek term. You can't just combine two completely different fake space worlds like that! Summer points out that Sandy's method worked on Seth, but that was because he's "spineless and weak." What a loving and supportive couple these two are! Seth doesn't think Ryan will fall for Sandy's trick, so he's throwing in his lot with Summer's stupid plan, and has purchased a Sidekick to that end. He tells Summer to text Taylor Townsend an invitation to the historically scandalous Mermaid Inn and hope that Taylor doesn't notice that the invitation is coming from Summer and not from Dean Evil. Seth hints that if they have some "free time," they could actually act like a couple. Summer frowns and wrinkles her nose at the idea.
Ryan finds Marissa squatting in his poolhouse. She's wicked pissed that Ryan didn't tell her about his fishing plans. Ryan says he was waiting for the "right time," which I'm guessing was going to be "never." He asks Marissa to understand that he needs to "make a change." Marissa storms off, not seeming very understanding.
7 'n 7's boyfriend pulls his convertible up to Julie's motel. He asks her whether her plan will work, and 7 'n 7 assures him that buddying up to Julie -- who has lots of contacts and nothing to lose -- is their road to riches, not like they weren't already doing pretty well for themselves, what with the fancy car and the expensive rehab stint. But whatever.
We see the depths to which Julie has sunk when she takes a beer out of her motel fridge and can't find a bottle opener. I hear rooms at the Ritz come with seven gold-plated bottle openers. She answers a knock at the door to find 7 'n 7, who tries to invite herself into Julie's room. Julie doesn't take the bait until 7 'n 7 tells her she ended up buying that condo -- for Julie. After Kirsten told her about Julie's situation, 7 'n 7 was "moved." Julie says she was moved, too. Right into a motel. Still, she knows better than to leave the motel for something that's bound to have strings attached to it. 7 'n 7 assures her that she doesn't want anything from her except to be allowed to crash there whenever she's in town. She hands Julie the keys, promising to keep it their little secret.
Seth and Ryan hang out in Seth's room for a change. Seth tells Ryan that his decision to trade high school in for schools of fish is stupid, but Ryan says it's the best option he has. Except for, you know, finishing high school and then getting a job, or finishing high school and going to whatever college will accept him despite Dean Evil's note, and I'm sure they exist. Seth says he has a "plan" to get Ryan back into Harbor. Ryan doesn't have much faith in it. They head to a dinner that neither of them wants to attend.
Marissa has similar feelings as Summer pulls her car up to the Cohen house. Summer tells her to try to make the best of things.
Everyone eats Kirsten's homemade pad thai, and the fact that they're using that as a distraction should show you exactly how averse they are to actually talking to each other. Kirsten brightly explains that she substituted shrimp for tofu, which Marissa likes, since she's not in a seafood mood. Silence. Sandy makes an attempt to break the ice by declaring his love of all things tofu, such as tofuna, tofurkey, and to-bagels with cream to-cheese. It doesn't work. Silence. Kirsten asks Ryan what his captain will be like. Ryan non-answers. Silence. Marissa asks if he'll have an eye-patch, peg-leg, and shoulder-parrot. Silence. Summer entertains no one except me with her parrot impression. Silence. Ryan reveals that it was Johnny who got him this job, and Marissa decides to leave. She takes the keys from Summer and thanks Sandy and Kirsten for dinner. They make half-hearted attempts to get her to stay, and Ryan follows her out. Silence. Summer's Sidekick vibrates to life. "Taylor took the bait," she announces. Wow, Taylor is an idiot.
Ryan catches up to Marissa. He says he doesn't want to leave "like this." "Then don't leave," Marissa says. Yeah, that'll work.
The day, Ryan finishes packing his bags as Sandy and Kirsten ask him to reconsider his decision. Sandy admits that his mind-meld didn't work as well as he'd hoped, and that fishing is not the answer to Ryan's problems. At the very least, Ryan can finish high school, go to a good community college, and then get into a four-year school from there. Ryan says it's not that easy when you come from his family. "We're your family now," Sandy says. Except when he makes parental decisions without consulting Kirsten and Seth refers to them as his parents and not Ryan's. Ryan says he's not an Atwood anymore, but that he's not a Cohen either: "I don't know what I am." He's hoping to figure it out on the open ocean. Sandy says that the poolhouse is always open for Ryan. Ryan hugs his not-parents goodbye.
Johnny and Chili, clad in rather unflattering wetsuits, brings their surfboards up on the beach, where an angry Marissa is waiting for them. Johnny doesn't understand what Marissa's problem is; he thought he was helping Ryan by getting him a job. Well, duh, Johnny. Marissa says she's getting mad at the wrong person here; it's Ryan's fault that Ryan is leaving, not Johnny's. She just wishes she had gotten to be really honest with him before he left. Johnny says he knows where she can find him.
Julie and 7 'n 7 enter the condo. Julie volunteers to spring for furniture for the place, and 7 'n 7 remarks that she must have gotten a small fortune when she pawned her ring. Now, that right there would make me think 7 'n 7 knew just a little bit too much about my life and that I shouldn't get involved with her, but it only gives Julie a momentary pause that's interrupted by 7 'n 7's offer of celebratory champagne. Even Julie has a problem seeing people who are fresh from rehab drinking alcohol, although she might just be trying to get more champagne for herself. Julie goes off to get 7 'n 7 some water, and 7 'n 7 calls someone on her cell phone and tells him "she's in," just in case you forgot that she was a con artist. I think 7 'n 7 sometimes forgets she's a con artist, too, like when she buys an expensive condo for the purpose of conning a woman who has to live in a motel because she's broke.
Ryan hands his bag to some guy on the ship, who probably throws it right back overboard. He's no rookie kid's servant! Welcome to the OCean, bitch! Ryan spots Marissa on the dock and walks over to her. She says she wants him to know how she really feels. She starts off really nice, so you think she's going to say she's mad at Ryan because she loves him and will miss him, but then she totally goes in the other direction and says Ryan is just like her father: a coward who sails away when things get difficult. Burn on you, Ryan! I hope none of the fishermen standing around them overheard that, or else Marissa might find herself on the business end of a fishing hook.
Seth peers through the blinds of the Mermaid Inn, which I'm surprised lets underaged kids rent rooms. Actually, I'm surprised those blinds haven't been rendered completely immobile from all the bodily fluids they've surely been exposed to. Despite being the brilliant mind behind this plan, Summer is more interested in wondering if whether bed she standing to is the one Julie and Luke did it in. Taylor Townsend pulls up in her little red Mini and knocks on the door. Seth and Summer answer it, all smug that their plan worked. Except that it didn't, since they still don't have any proof whatsoever that Taylor Townsend and Dean Evil are involved with each other. What they do have on their side, though, is the writers' determination to wrap this storyline up in this episode no matter what, so Seth and Summer threaten to tell the entire school about Taylor Townsend and Dean Evil's affair unless Dean Evil lets Ryan back into school. They tell Taylor Townsend that she can either tell Sandy about everything or risk a couple of people at Harbor thinking -- but not knowing -- that she's doing the Dean of Discipline. Why couldn't Summer have said all this to Taylor Townsend at school instead of setting up this elaborate non-trap of Sidekicks and seedy motels?
Sandy thanks Dean Evil for meeting him on a weekend. He has some important things to discuss with Dean Evil -- specifically, some pictures he has on his Sidekick of Dean Evil kissing a student. I hope Sandy has his own Sidekick and isn't using Summer's new pink bedazzled one. That would be embarrassing. Dean Evil denies everything. Sandy says he has pictures of Dean Evil and Taylor Townsend together at the dance. Dean Evil stupidly admits that they kissed, but only because Taylor Townsend forced herself on him. Sandy says that Taylor Townsend is telling a different story, and if it gets out, Dean Evil's career will be ruined. Unless, of course, Dean Evil lets Ryan back into Harbor, takes the note off his transcript, and looks for a job back on the East Coast. Apparently, it's cool for Dean Evil to continue his lecherous ways unpunished as long as he does it to a different ocean. Also, Dean Evil would be an idiot to fall for Sandy's bluff.
Marissa cries at the diner. Seth and Summer sit in her booth and tell her that they got Ryan back into Harbor. But it's too late, as Marissa tells them that Ryan is already gone. After about three seconds of non-suspense, Ryan walks in. He stands over Marissa and says, "I don't know what my future is, but I know it's with you. Here." Except when Marissa wants to move to Hawaii. Marissa invites Ryan to sit to her, and Seth informs him that he can go back to Harbor. That poor invisible tutor will have to live in the Mermaid Inn now that she's lost her job. Marissa will stay in public school, as her offense of saving someone's life and shooting the guy who tried to rape her off school grounds is so much worse than Ryan punching a school employee on school grounds in front of all those witnesses.
The four walk along the beach. Seth says he did think of some other good jobs for High School Dropout Edition Ryan, like bullfighter or bounty hunter. Ryan suggests "coward." Marissa apologizes for being a bit too harsh with that. Way to stick to your guns, lady. Seth's last job suggestion is "fluffer." The girls ask what that means. The guys say they'll explain later, when they aren't under the FCC's control. Smell you later!