Pool house. Ryan is sullenly reading when there's a knock at the door. It doesn't seem entirely possible that one could read sullenly, but Benjamin McKenzie can. The knocker is Sandy, narrating that Dr. Kim called to inform Sandy and Kirsten that Ryan has been indefinitely suspended until the disciplinary committee can figure out whether to expel him. Ryan can't look Sandy in the eye (because of both emotional and physical hindrances -- Ryan's pride and Sandy's giant eyebrows) as he mumbles that he knows Sandy wants him to say he's sorry, but that he's not, because Oliver admitted right to Ryan's face that he wanted Ryan gone so that he could get to Marissa. Sandy -- who doesn't seem so much incredulous as earnestly inquisitive -- asks why Oliver dropped the assault charges again him, then? Sandy swaggers into the room -- and Peter Gallagher sure can bring the swagger; he'd rock Chicago -- pointing out that if Oliver wanted him gone, wouldn't Ryan already be back in juvie? Sandy gets all up in Ryan's face as Ryan insists that Oliver is dangerous. In the background, the Chino Chimes of Challenged Children commence. Sandy isn't satisfied with Ryan's explanation, and flatly states what he knows: Ryan attacked Oliver when Ryan was already on probation and fully aware that the slighted infraction would result in being taken away, yet he did it anyway. Sandy can't understand, and urges Ryan to talk to him. Ryan mutters that Sandy won't believe him, and Sandy proclaims that it's not about what he believes, although he wishes it were; it's about what Ryan did. He curtly says that the time Ryan feels like punching, he'd better talk instead, because that's what Sandy's there for. I wonder if Peter Gallagher's eyebrows get their own stage direction. Or their own trailer, for that matter. They furrow as Sandy rubs them, blinks, and asks what he's supposed to do. He can't ground Ryan, and he's "not gonna chain [him] to the wall," which is a good thing, since that would just be another route toward the same end result of his being taken away. One would hope, anyway. As a frustrated Sandy leaves, he announces that if Ryan wants to go after Oliver, the door's open. But if Ryan wants to stay and be part of the family, he can't go anywhere unless Sandy or Kirsten agrees. Ryan looks confused and maybe just a little bit pleased that someone cares.
Tinkling!
We return from commercial to a montage of Ryan sitting in the pool house and standing in the pool house and lying in bed in the pool house and reading books and magazines in the pool house and doing sit-ups in the pool house. More sit-ups, please! But time, in the wifebeater! Meanwhile, the soundtrack singer grumbles about not having time and not giving a damn. Sounds like Chino Ryan has found an anthem!
A quick shot of Ryan's alarm clock shows us that it's 8 in the morning. Harbor School. Summer walks with Marissa, questioning why Ryan punched Oliver for no reason. Marissa responds that that's what Ryan does: "He punches people; he doesn't talk to them." When Marissa further laments that Ryan doesn't listen, Summer counters that he must have had a reason, because although he's violent, he's not dumb. Marissa waffles before revealing that Ryan has the crazy idea that Oliver is into her. (Who would have thought the words "Marissa" and "waffles" would ever make it into the same sentence?) When Summer asks if Oliver isn't into Marissa, Marissa yelps that she and Oliver are just friends. Marissa, incidentally, actually managed to get her belt around her waist today. She adds that Oliver is the only guy in her life who isn't jealous, scary, or a neck-breather, and that he tells her what he's thinking, "unlike some people." When Marissa finally admits that she and Ryan broke up, Summer "whoa"s, and then sees the positive: they're both single now! No more Ryan! No more Seth Cohen! She announces, "We're totally free! Liberated!" She offers to treat Marissa to a trip to the spa, but Marissa can't, because she promised to help Oliver study. Summer asks about the weekend, but Marissa has to spend it with Lady Heather, because Jimmy is taking Caitlyn to her grandmother's. That sounds oddly like a euphemistic to me, like "walking the dog" or "dropping the kids off at the pool." The time you have to do something you don't want to do, just tell people you're taking Caitlyn to her grandmother's. Let's see how fast it catches on. Marissa whines that Lady Heather has this "mother-daughter marathon thing" planned. Poor girl, to have a mother who cares about her and is trying to show it! Summer sadly asks when they're going to hang out, and Marissa bubbles, "Soon!" Marissa lopes (although "antelopes" might be more like it) across the quad, leaving Summer behind looking disappointed and confused.
Samaire Armstrong continues her cleanliness fetish, adding to the hand washing and teeth flossing the obsessive patting of the corner of her mouth with a napkin. As they hang out in the Student Disunion, she asks Seth whether, if Ryan gets expelled, he'll still get to live with the Cohens, or if they'll kick him out. Seth doesn't think they will. He's not looking his finest in this scene. In fact, he looks a little bit fugly (gasp!) in his ugly black jacket, black shirt, and greasy hair. And if this was a wardrobe decision to show that Seth's in a bad place right now, it works a little too well. Anna clings to Seth's arm as they leave; when she asks if Ryan is okay, Seth snits that he's not the one who got punched in the face. Anna clarifies that she means in the "larger sense," but Seth still doesn't know. A random girl randomly plows between them, which may or may not be intended as some sort of foreshadowing. Anna -- who is a Delia's catalogue with feet -- can't believe Seth hasn't talked to Ryan, and he grumpily asks what he could possibly say. She's all, "'Um, are you okay? Is there anything I can do?'" He insists that there's nothing he can do; he begged Ryan to stay away from Oliver, but Ryan didn't listen. He then low-blows that Anna doesn't know Ryan, so she shouldn't possibly understand. Anna quietly responds that she's trying. Aw. And not the good kind of "aw," either.
Summer and Marissa walk down the hallway, slowing to a halt in front of Seth and Anna. They exchange "hey"s all "Hey," "Hey," "Hey," and "Hey." And though "hey" is for horses, this episode is sadly devoid of Captain Oats. Awkwardness follows the "hey"s, until Anna asks how everyone is. An exchange of "good"s follows, and Mischa Barton is so painfully bad in her delivery that I'm even more embarrassed for her than usual. Seth and Summer take turns finishing each other's sentences as they agree that it's a weird situation, but just because Marissa and Ryan aren't together anymore doesn't mean they can't all hang out. Anna clearly doesn't like the sentence-finishing. Nor do I, really. Seth looks even worse in the harsh light of hallway. Marissa finally asks about Ryan, but the conversation is interrupted by an intrusive cry of "Whaddup? Whaddup?" I get excited for the return of Danny, but it's just Oliver. No one looks particularly pleased to see him as he obliviously suggests a ski trip for the weekend. When Marissa points out his busted lip -- which is fat, red, and nasty (and for some reason my mind keeps going to a "kind of like your mother" joke, there) -- Oliver smarms, "I was hoping it had already made the transition from 'scary' to 'sexy.'" Marissa smiles, because she has no sense of humor, while the others look unamused. Oliver offers to walk Marissa to class, and as they head off together, Seth bestows the saddest lingering wave at their departing backs. Summer, Seth, and Anna marvel at the fact that Oliver looks almost happy these days, and Summer asks why he shouldn't, because he's got Marissa all to himself now.
At The Newport Group, Kirsten and Sandy eat in silence. Actually, they don't eat at all; Sandy just sits in front of a plateful of food, while Kirsten gesticulates with a fork. When Sandy asks whether he made a mistake, Kirsten assumes that he means by leaving Ryan home alone, but Sandy clarifies that he means taking Ryan home at all. No. No! Kirsten rebuts that Ryan's a good kid; he may not be perfect, but they'll work it out. Sandy wonders whoever would have thought she'd be the one telling him that. Kirsten has a pink bra under her slinky black suit, and while she's physically working it, it's more Rachel than Kirsten.
Sandy and Kirsten's conversation is interrupted by six men in blue jumpsuits, who clomp into the room, surprised to find Kirsten. As they reveal that they have a work order from Lady Heather, she trails into the room carrying a vase of flowers and expressing dismay at Kirsten's presence, because she said she was going to lunch. Sandy explains that they ordered in instead and offers, "Deli?" Kirsten demands to know what's going on, and Lady Heather happily explains that as the firm's new design director, she's giving the office a facelift. She also calls Kirsten "Kiki," which we know she knows Kirsten hates. She enthuses that Kirsten will love her new furniture, which Lady Heather explains is "very fresh; very Danish; very hello!" Kirsten snits that Lady Heather can't initiate a redesign without the necessary approvals, and Lady Heather counters that Caleb said it was okay. In the background, Sandy's all, "Oh, if Caleb said it was okay!"
As Kirsten chases after her coffee table, Caleb blusters into the room, announcing that "some man in a jumpsuit" just made off with his massage chair, and he wants it back. Lady Heather claims that by the time they get back from lunch, it will be fixed. She asks if the others want to join her and Caleb for lunch, because they're "celebrating her new position." Sandy says he's not going to touch that one. We see that he's leaning against the window, which has some kind of bizarre, incredibly fake-looking, jungle-like backdrop. It's like "The Veldt" or something. If Lady Heather starts yelling for help out there, Kirsten and Sandy had better run the other way. In Lady Heather's wake, Kirsten holds her lunch and spins in circles in the center of the room, bemoaning all the work she has to do. Sandy parrots that she shouldn't worry because -- as she said herself -- everything will be fine. What isn't fine, however, are the suntan-colored hose Kirsten is sporting in this scene.
Pool house. Ryan's Anthem. He reads. He looks at the clock. He stares at his brand-new phone, probably purchased just for a recurrent emergency in which he and Seth get locked in.
Back at the Harbor School, Oliver begs Marissa to let him take her away. She whines that she can't, but that even if she could, she should pay his way because he wouldn't have gotten hurt if it wasn't for her. He counters that it was Ryan's fault, not Marissa's, and then blahs on about therapy and being responsible for our own actions. We're spared further psychobabble by Luke, who joins them at the table. Oliver asks him to help convince Marissa to go to Mammoth with them. Luke skeptically asks who's going, and Marissa explains that she's not, because she'll be with Lady Heather. Oliver adds that it means she'll also be near Ryan, which isn't good for her. Luke takes out his aggressions toward Oliver on the cap of a water bottle and asks whether that decision isn't up to Marissa. Marissa lamely cuts in to say that it's not a big deal, and that she'll be fine. Still, Oliver offers to get Marissa and Lady Heather a suite at his hotel for the weekend, so that he can be nearby and she won't have to think about Ryan. The ringing of Marissa's phone interrupts the conversation, and Oliver deduces from her wide eyes that it's Ryan. Luke can't believe she's not going to get it, and Oliver explains that she's not talking to Ryan right now. Luke's all, "Is she talkin' to me, or are you doing all of her talking from now on?" Hee. Oliver looks perplexed at Luke's outburst, and Marissa announces that she's just going to go, which is really a good way to handle the fact that the two boys are fighting over her. Luke tells her just to stay and enjoy her lunch, and then storms off. When Oliver apologizes for getting overprotective, Marissa cuts him off to say that it's fine. She heads off to go get dessert, and to give Oliver a chance to steal her phone and delete Ryan's message, in which he asks Marissa to meet him after school. ["Maybe Marissa wouldn't have that problem if she invested in a cell phone that required a password before granting access to one's mailbox." -- Wing Chun]
Seth and Anna walk together down a path, as Anna cheerfully asks what he wants to do first -- comic books or frozen yogurt? He asks if she'd mind waiting to do either, because he's going to go home and check on Ryan. She agrees that it's a good idea, and offers up her company. Seth doesn't look pleased, because while he likes the sailing, he's not much for the barnacles. (In other words, girl is clingy.) Summer suddenly appears, hopefully asking where they're going. Seth explains that they were talking about going to the comic-book store, which is weird, since they just finished talking about not going to the comic-book store. Summer thinks it over, then hurriedly asks if she can come; Seth's all, "To the comic-book store?" When Seth and Anna express their disbelief that she likes comics, Summer tells them, "Believe it or not, Betty and Veronica had a huge influence on me." Anna believes it; Seth does, too. Summer explains that since Marissa is with Oliver, Summer has a whole afternoon to kill. Seth and Anna shift around awkwardly before Seth elbows Anna into inviting Summer to join them. As Anna adds that Seth was going to check on Ryan, we see that his attention is focused elsewhere. The camera pans over to show Ryan stomping across the Harbor School parking lot. Seth rushes to intercept him, and Ryan explains that he's meeting Marissa. Seth says that's fine, "But...but here? In broad daylight in front of God and Dr. Kim and everyone, man?" When Ryan says that Marissa's not returning his calls and this is the only place to see her, Seth asks if Marissa knows about this meeting. Ryan earnestly claims that, of all people, Seth should believe in him, because he's always believed in Seth. Aw. Seth preaches that Marissa is a "big girl," and that Ryan can't go around telling her whom to hang out with, to which Ryan again rants about Oliver being dangerous and violent and unstable. He points out the restraining order and the fact that unless Natalie lives in Niagara Falls, she doesn't exist, to which Seth's all, "I'm sure he's not making up girlfriends!" Ryan insists that Oliver is crazy, and Seth acts just like Sandy when he says that although that may be true, "this Mission: Impossible act [Ryan's] pulling? It's not the way to make [his] case!" Ryan storms off angrily.
Ryan waits for Marissa in the library stacks, but it's Oliver who shows up instead. He announces that Marissa isn't coming, and lies that she asked him to tell Ryan not to call or try to see her; if he does, she'll get a restraining order against him. Ryan's all, "Really. What was that like?" Hee. Oliver continues that it's not his fault Marissa doesn't want to see him, and then starts reciting the words to some country song I don't know about stealing, lying, and the beating up of best friends. Ryan announces that he would do it again -- right now, in fact. Oliver isn't deterred by this threat; he points out that he didn't press charges, and claims he's just trying to help Ryan, but that if Ryan keeps this up, no one will be able to save him. He instructs Ryan just to give it up, because it's over. As Oliver leaves, Ryan yells to his departing back that "it hasn't even begun."
At The Big House, Kirsten rages on the phone about the state of her office. We see that her work is spread all over the kitchen counter. Sandy enters, looking confused; he asks if she's seen the coffee. Kirsten doesn't appreciate the joke, because she has no place to work! Sandy counters that he has no place to eat! But really. They live in a palace, and the only spare place Kirsten can work is at the kitchen counter? How about the dining-room table? Or one of the other thirty-three empty rooms they undoubtedly have? ["If they can't find room for Ryan in the manse, I suppose it's possible that Kirsten doesn't have a home office. (Possible, not plausible.)" -- Wing Chun] Kirsten rants that it's only Lady Heather's first day on the job and she's already displaced half the staff and alienated the other half. She's driving everyone crazy! Sandy is also being driven crazy, and begs Kirsten to talk with Lady Heather before he starves to death. Kirsten's all, "You can't talk to [Lady Heather]. She's...[Lady Heather]!" Sandy suggests that Kirsten talk to Caleb, then, but Kirsten insists that she can't, because he'll think she's just jealous. She asks if Sandy minds if she works out of the house, to which he grunts his ambiguous assent or lack thereof.
A self-conscious Ryan enters the kitchen looking for coffee, and Kirsten invites him in like he's a guest. Ouch. After he leaves, Kirsten rushes to tell Sandy that Seth said Ryan didn't leave the pool house the day, and maybe they're being too hard on him. So despite his jerkiness, Seth is at least covering for Ryan's trip to the Harbor School yesterday. It's slightly redeeming. Sandy insists that they've "gotta hang tough." Sadly, he does not put on arm above his back, raise the other above his head and swing it back and forth, rapping, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh. Are you tough enough?" Sandy insists that it's for Ryan's own good, and Kirsten asks why she feels so bad, then.
A knock at the door heralds Lady Heather's entrance. Apparently, she just lost a paintball game and hasn't yet had time to change her shirt. She plows into the room, expressing disbelief that Kirsten isn't dressed yet and suggesting that they carpool from now on, since they're neighbors. Mid-ramble about the latest EPA figures and their effect on the environment, Lady Heather spots Sandy lurking in the kitchen, and announces that she can see him hiding in there. Hee. Caught, Sandy spins to say he's not hiding; he's just making himself presentable. She laughs that he shouldn't go to any trouble because of her, and he's all, "Don't worry!" When Kirsten explains that she was going to work from home today because of the state of her office, Sandy runs in to point out breathlessly that she was supposed to meet with Caleb today "to talk about the...the thing." Kirsten insists that it can wait, but Sandy counters that Lady Heather can wait, as well. He ushers Kirsten off to shower, declaring that he'll get Lady Heather some coffee. She's already on her way into the kitchen, claiming that she can get her own and asking, "Is it flavored?" Sandy curtly responds in the negative, and then gestures wildly at Kirsten to go. And either Adam Brody was perfectly cast as Peter Gallagher's son or Peter Gallagher was perfectly cast as Adam Brody's father or they're both sublime actors because -- especially in this episode -- they act very much alike.
Lady Heather reads the paper in the Cohens' back yard. Lady Heather is so not a paper reader, unless she's reading the society pages, which she's not. She lowers the paper to find Ryan staring at her. When he explains that he's not in school because he's been suspended, she asks whom he beat up this time -- Dr. Kim? When Ryan concludes that she and Marissa must not have talked in a while, Lady Heather reveals that she'll be spending the weekend with Marissa. Ryan expresses some surprise at this news, and Lady Heather comments that Ryan must not have talked to Marissa in a while, either. Ryan takes a seat and passionately says that he knows he and Lady Heather haven't always agreed on Marissa, but that Lady Heather should keep Marissa away from Oliver, who isn't well. Lady Heather stares at him before sweetly asking, "Really?" She dramatically pauses before finishing, "The boy who lives in the pool house is warning me about the boy who lives in the penthouse?" Ryan rolls his eyes, and then explains that Oliver locks into a girl, thinks she can make everything okay, and then loses it when she doesn't. Lady Heather groans that she's "not getting involved in the throes of teenage romance." Not yet, anyway. She does manage to look concerned when Ryan mentions the wrist-slitting and cocaine bust in Oliver's past. The conversation is interrupted by Kirsten; Lady Heather leaves, but not before snidely telling Ryan to stay out of trouble.
Meanwhile, at Harbor School, Oliver asks Marissa what Lady Heather said about Mammoth; Marissa reveals that she didn't ask her yet. When Oliver looks dismayed, Marissa laughingly explains that she tries to talk to her mom as little as possible. Oliver doesn't find it so funny, and huffs that if Marissa doesn't want to hang out with him, she just needs to tell him. She insists that there's nothing she'd rather do than blow everything off to hang out with Oliver. He suggests that they just do it, then! Blow everything off! Go to L.A.! Have lunch at the Ivy! Do the Getty! Stop by the Troubadour! Marissa admits that it sounds perfect, but says Lady Heather will kill her, because they're having dinner that night. Oliver wheedlingly promises to have her back by dinner. Marissa asks about therapy, and Oliver insists that she doesn't need it because, from what she's told him, Lady Heather's the one who should be going. Marissa finally concedes; Oliver throws one arm across her shoulders and they head off together.
The camera slowly pulls back to show Seth and Luke watching as Marissa and Oliver leave campus. Seth wonders aloud where they're going, and Luke announces that he doesn't trust Oliver. Seth moans for him to stop because he sounds like Ryan. Still, Seth is interested to know whether Luke has ever met Natalie; Luke says he hasn't, and Seth reveals that Ryan thinks Oliver made her up. Luke mulls this over and says that he could just ask his friends at Pacific, since Oliver said Natalie went there. Seth asks whether Luke doesn't think that kind of detective work is a little extreme, and Luke's all, "Dude. Have you met Oliver?"
At The Newport Group, Kirsten asks to talk to Caleb if he has a minute; he says he has "exactly one." When she clarifies that it's about Lady Heather, he quickly tells her to shut the door. Kirsten is wearing yet another inappropriate-for-the-office outfit -- tight vest over tight shirt over tight pants. Since she's supposed to be all classay, it feels like a bit of a wardrobe gaffe. ["Seriously. Shouldn't she get back to the gala event she's cater-waitering for?" -- Wing Chun] Caleb immediately announces that Lady Heather is driving him crazy, at which Kirsten's all, "Excuse me?" Caleb adds that he "enjoy[s] the woman." Who does he think he is, John Black? Caleb continues by saying that whenever he turns around -- at home or at the office -- Lady Heather's there. He furtively looks around, lowers his voice, and finishes, "I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't in here now." Hee. When Kirsten points out that Caleb hired Lady Heather, he claims he was just giving her something to do so that she'd stop calling him all the time. Kirsten cites his success in that endeavor -- Lady Heather doesn't have to call now because she's always there! Caleb announces that he wants Kirsten to talk to Lady Heather, "in the interest of the business," because "this has to end." Kirsten asks whether he's talking about the job; when he doesn't answer, she incredulously concludes, "You want me to break up with her?" Caleb kisses Kirsten on the cheek and says he knew she'd understand.
Ryan's Anthem plays while he lies spread-eagle on the bed. Seth enters, announcing that Summer and Anna are both there, and that since Summer is about to read her first comic book, he thought Ryan wouldn't want to miss it. Ryan doesn't even lift his head to respond, "Let me know how it goes." Seth snits that he can see Ryan is busy, and Ryan snits back that Seth should invite over Oliver or Natalie, if he can find her.
In the den, Seth and Summer sit side by side on the floor while Anna huddles on the couch, reading a book and wearing armwarmers. Sandy enters and surveys the scene; he immediately looks dismayed, and then shares a sad smile with Anna as Seth announces, "Believe it or not, Summer's shown a latent interest in comic-book reading!" When Sandy asks where Ryan is, Seth explains that he was invited, but "has chosen to stay in the Fortress of Solitude." He sidebars to Summer, "That's a Superman reference." Seth talks Summer through "some basics" of comic-book reading while Sandy watches Anna watching Seth watching Summer. He looks so disappointed in his son. Aw. Seth's bad "aw"s are outweighing his good "aw"s lately. I even feel bad for Anna. It's like she's been held down and not allowed to brush or teeth or something. Anna asks if Seth doesn't want to start Summer on something less grim and gritty like "the Archies." Seth groans at her suggestion, and Sandy pipes in to say he's with Anna: "Life's gritty enough! Comic books are for fun!" Seth mutters, "'Life's gritty enough'? We live in Newport Beach!"
Anna trails Sandy into the kitche,n as do the giant, weird, fluttering red and green butterflies on her sweater. She helps herself to bottled water and sweetly asks Sandy if he read comic books as a kid. Sandy says he did, but not like Seth does. Anna enthuses that it's so rare to find another comic-book person, especially one who loves Death Cab and sailing. Except at first I thought she said "saline," which seems like an odd choice for Seth's musical tastes. Anna exclaims, "I thought I was the only one!" and Sandy thought Seth was the only one! As Anna giggles, Sandy earnestly asks, "Death Cab's a band, yes?" Kirsten stomps into the kitchen, overburdened with shopping bags and ordering Sandy to help with the rest. Anna watches her go, and then asks if Sandy and Kirsten have a lot of common. Sandy says that they do, and then revises, "Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We both love....uh....Seth." As Anna looks heartbroken at this disclosure, Sandy concludes that maybe he and Kirsten don't have a lot in common, after all. Anna makes a "huh" sound, and asks what Sandy thinks is the key to a successful relationship, just as Kirsten resumes yelling that the sooner they get the bags out of the car, the sooner they'll eat. Sandy tells Anna that the key is patience, which pleases Anna. Seth then enters the kitchen and asks if Summer can stay for dinner. As Anna sadly heads off to help with the groceries, Sandy swats Seth with the comic book; Seth asks what he's doing, and Sandy's all, "What're you doing?" Seth still doesn't get it and concludes, "Crazy people."
On his way out the door, Sandy finds Luke bearing two shopping bags. He asks what he's doing, besides relieving Sandy of grocery duty. Luke hasn't seen Ryan in a while, and asks if it's okay to visit him.
Cut to the pool house, where we look in at their conversation from the outside. Luke regretfully tells Ryan he can't stay long because he's having dinner with his dad, but that there's something Ryan should know: Marissa skipped school that day with Oliver, and Luke tried to call her, but he doesn't know where she and Oliver went. Luke's sure she's fine, but there's just something about Oliver! Luke reveals that he went to Pacific after school because he knows a few guys on the water polo team. He knows a few guys on the soccer team, too, and look how well that worked out for him. Luke ominously reveals that there is no Natalie at Pacific High.
Back in the kitchen, Summer asks if the Cohens are sure it's okay she's staying for dinner, and Kirsten insists that there's more than enough food. Sandy laments that he doesn't know where they'll put it all, and Seth's all, "Eventually in my belly." Summer and Anna are both smitten by this response, and then look at each other awkwardly.
Meanwhile, Ryan sneaks out of the pool house. He stops to stare at the tableau of the happy family inside, much as Oliver recently did. He takes a deep breath, and then leaves. Inside, Sandy tells them to go ahead and start without him, because he's going to get Ryan.
As Marissa's car pulls up in front of her house, Ryan stands on the front steps. She asks what he's doing at her house? He has to leave! He went to Lady Heather! Lady Heather called the school! Lady Heather called the hotel looking for Oliver's parents! As Ryan begs her to listen, Marissa continues screaming about why he hates Oliver so much, and demanding to know what did Oliver ever did to him. When Ryan announces that there is no Natalie, Marissa calls Ryan pathetic. Ryan suggests that she ask to see Oliver's yearbook, because Oliver made Natalie up. At that moment, Lady Heather opens the door, announcing that Marissa is in big trouble and telling Ryan to go home. Marissa screams that Ryan should stay, because she's the one who's going. As the car screeches away, Lady Heather chases after, while Ryan just stands and watches. Lady Heather storms inside, leaving Ryan standing outside on the steps. He looks up to see Sandy looking down at him.
Marissa runs to Oliver (because she's stupid), where she attempts to bust the door down with her fists (because she's stupid). She tearfully asks if he minds if she stays there tonight (because she's stupid). She can't even walk in a door believably, though (because she's stupid). The closing door performs more convincingly.
Ryan is back to lying spread-eagle on the bed, and in many houses across the world, fantasies are being fulfilled. Sandy enters bearing coffee, but it's Ryan's turn to look delightfully rumpled. Sandy sits, and the Chino Chimes of Challenged Children commence. Ryan admits that he shouldn't have gone to Marissa's house the night before, and Sandy asks if Ryan wants to talk about it. Ryan says he doesn't, really. Sandy gasps Ryan's name and promises to do everything to help him, but he can't if Ryan doesn't tell him what's going on! Kirsten has chosen this time to bring Ryan coffee, too. She announces that Luke's waiting for him; Ryan thanks them and leaves the room, his head bowed.
Ryan and Luke play slappy hands in the foyer as Luke asks how it went the night. Ryan reveals that Marissa didn't believe him and ran away. Luke's ready to chase Marissa to Oliver's, leading Ryan to ask what will happen then; if Marissa wants to be with Oliver, she'll be with Oliver. Luke can't believe Ryan's just going to give up, but Ryan doesn't think he has any other choice because she won't listen to a word he says. Luke's all, "Well, she's gonna listen to me!" He does some random grapevine-type footwork up the foyer steps. Get the man a top hat and a cane, and he's good to go. Ryan sits down, and continues to work the sweatpants.
At the penthouse, Oliver is rambling on about massages and the many hotel suites he has in Los Angeles and London and Paris. Oliver, really, should not have such problems making friends. Marissa sighs her wish to go to Paris, and Oliver says they can because it's only fifteen hours away! When Marissa points out that they have to be back by Monday, Oliver gets all defensive and says she should just say if she doesn't want to go. Marissa insists that she does want to go, but that she can't. Oliver argues that she's been saying she needs to get away, and this way it will just be him and her in Paris! This elicits bigger bug eyes than usual from Marissa. Oliver tells Marissa not to answer her cell phone when it rings, because it's probably Lady Heather. She picks up when she sees it's Luke; he asks where she is and if she's okay, and then launches into how there's no Natalie and Ryan was right. Marissa tells him not to start, and then orders him to go to Lady Heather's house, pick up her clothes, and tell Lady Heather she's fine. And according to the dictionary, "cloTHes" is an acceptable pronunciation, but it's really just not. Oliver is not pleased by this latest development, and repeats that Marissa doesn't have to stay. Marissa insists that she will, but says she can't fly to Paris right now. Oliver is sufficiently appeased, and admits that it's cold in Paris now anyway; they'll go in the spring.
At the Newport Group, Kirsten wears an ugly jacket with a nehru collar. She must have done something really bad to the wardrobe people. She surveys the room and pronounces it "Unbelievable." Lady Heather suddenly pops up from behind a couch, whining that Kirsten shouldn't look because the office isn't finished and she wanted her to be surprised on Monday. Kirsten proclaims the room gorgeous, and says she can't believe Lady Heather did all of it today. Lady Heather admits that she was supposed to have Marissa for the weekend, and then Caleb didn't call all day, so she decided to work to take her mind off things. She asks if Kirsten has heard from Caleb; Kirsten admits that she has, and that he "doesn't like confrontation." She tells Lady Heather to sit down, and Lady Heather fairly quickly concludes, "Is he breaking up with me? Or, are you doing it for him?" Kirsten makes a series of unattractive faces instead of answering the question. Caleb chooses this inopportune time to show up, announcing that he saw Kirsten's car in the parking lot. He obviously missed Lady Heather's. He greets Lady Heather with a less-than-enthusiastic "Hello, darling." He glances between the two women, and then lies that he tried to call Lady Heather earlier. She snits at him not to bother, because Kirsten already did his dirty work since he's obviously "not man enough" to do it himself. Caleb apologizes as Lady Heather tells him he should be sorry, since she deserves so much better from him! From both of them! She tells him to enjoy his office, because she quits!
Back at The Big House, the camera zooms in on a cartoon on the television. Seth now sits wedged between Anna and Summer on the couch. Sandy enters, all, "Hello, ladies," to which Seth grumbles, "Dad, don't call me a lady." Hee. Anna sweetly greets him as "Mr. Cohen," while Summer goes straight for the disconcerting "Sandy." Anna doesn't like that any more than Sandy does. Sandy determines that the "comic-book education continues," and Anna pipes up that they're watching Batman: The Animated Series. Seth adds, "Yes! Girls' night out! In which Batgirl and Supergirl team up...to combat the forces of evil, and delight Seth Cohen!" Summer snipes over Supergirl's Doc Marten's, and Seth pats her arm repeatedly as he equally admires Supergirl's midriff-baring t-shirt and miniskirt. Summer calls him a "superperv." Sandy and Anna are equally amused by this dalliance. Which is to say not at all. Sandy asks Seth to join him in the kitchen, in a tone that's not so much "asks" as "tells." Seth stomps into the Beautiful Blue Bedroom, and his arms look absurdly long in this scene. They're practically dragging on the ground. I'm guessing Plasticman isn't in the screenings.
Seth asks what he did, and Sandy squeals that he "hurt that poor girl's feelings." Seth assumes he means Summer, and Sandy corrects him, saying he's talking about Anna. When Seth points out that he didn't say a word to Anna, Sandy's all, "Exactly!" He asks how Seth thinks it makes Anna feel to watch him flirting with another girl right in front of her. Seth insists that he wasn't flirting, and that he and Summer are just friends. But that's not what it looked like to Sandy! Seth declares that they're not talking about this anymore, and Sandy snits that of course they're not talking about it, because no one's talking to him about anything lately! Seth pissily asks why they're still talking about it, and Sandy argues that, as Seth's father, he's responsible for him, and if he sees something is wrong, he'll say so. Seth makes an "aha" face, and asks if this is about Ryan. Sandy flatly says, "No. It's about you." Seth suggests that "just in case it's a little bit about Ryan," Seth thinks Ryan will come to Sandy when he's ready. Seth pats Sandy's arm; Sandy pats Seth's back. I think Seth got off a little too easy on that one.
At the Cooper House, a weepy Lady Heather answers the door to find Luke, chasing down Marissa's things. As she packs up stuff for Marissa (and who would pack a bag to be delivered to her runaway daughter instead of just going to drag the runaway daughter home?), Luke lies on Marissa's bed and flips a stuffed animal around in his hands. Lady Heather sniffles around the room, showing midriff, although it's less "midriff" and more "lowerdriff." Lady Heather announces that she's impressed that Luke and Marissa are still friends, to which Luke says he's impressed Marissa forgave him. Lady Heather hopes that one day Marissa will forgive her, too. When Luke asks what Marissa has to forgive, Lady Heather points out that she hasn't been the best mom, wife, or girlfriend, (although only the "mom" part really applies to Marissa). Luke asks about Caleb, and Lady Heather admits that it's over, sniveling that within six months she's lost her husband, daughter, boyfriend, and job. Considering two of the four were also acquired within the past six months, it's not that impressive a list. Lady Heather asks herself why she's telling Luke all this, and he insists that it's okay -- the past few months have been rough on everyone. He rises to his feet, and they stand face to face as she thanks him for listening and laments that she hasn't had anyone to talk to in so long. They stare at each other. He looks at her lips. He sweetly says she can talk to him, even though he doesn't know what good it will do. He smiles. She smiles. She leans in for a hug and an air kiss on the cheek. He looks at her lips some more. And then some more. Lady Heather cocks her head curiously to the side, considering the situation, and then abruptly pulls back to tell Luke he should go, because Marissa's waiting. He stops looking at her lips, grabs Marissa's bag, and dashes out of the room.
Marissa struts up to the hotel's concierge desk, where she introduces herself by name and as Oliver's guest because she's Marissa Cooper and everyone wants to know everything about her; she asks if a bag was dropped off for her. The concierge, who just looks off somehow -- like she's wearing a wig and glasses or something -- is wearing a nametag identifying her as "Natalie." I know it's no "Jennifer," but "Natalie" isn't the most uncommon name in the world, so there's not quite good reason yet for the menacing music to flare as the camera zooms in on the tag and Marissa's eyes widen. When Marissa asks if Natalie knows Oliver, she admits that she used to babysit Oliver, and cracks some joke about Marissa's not wanting to know how old she is. Marissa clearly doesn't want to know how old she is; instead, she wants to know if Natalie's last name is "Bishop." It is, and either Marissa is very surprised, or a bellhop just walked by and pinched her butt.
We cut to Marissa reentering the penthouse (because she's stupid) as Oliver emerges from the shower. He asks where she's been, since he's been calling her cell. Marissa (because she's stupid) announces that the weirdest thing just happened: the concierge's name is Natalie Bishop, too! Just like Oliver's ex-girlfriend. She asks (because she's stupid), "How weird is that?" Plenty weird. But not nearly as weird as Marissa is stupid (because she's...well, very stupid). Oliver advances toward her. He knows what she's thinking! He can explain! Marissa figures out that there is no girlfriend and turns to leave, but Oliver grabs both her hands and spins her back toward him. He commences the "I always do this!"Rain Manroutine, while Marissa screams at him. Why can't he do Tom Cruise for once? Marissa finally manages to calm him down, assuring him that she's not going anywhere. She sends him back to the bedroom to change his clothes, because jeans and a t-shirt are apparently not acceptable fashion choices for the mentally ill. Then, instead of hightailing it for the door (because she's stupid), she scrambles for her purse and cell phone to call Ryan.
We cut to the pool house, where Ryan is still lolling around on the bed. Marissa's panicked voice snaps him out of his own angst, as she whines that she can't talk, but that Ryan was right! Oliver won't let her leave! And she won't let herself leave, either! Because the door's right there and yet she's wasting time on the phone chatting with her boyfriend! Oliver stomps back out of the bedroom, waving a gun around and commanding her to "please" hang up. He takes the phone from Marissa, all, "Bye, Ryan," and then hangs up.
I'm not sure there's anything that can be said about the Quizno's commercials that hasn't already been said. Except yuck. And that while I think those buggers look like parasitic twins (You know. The tumors with the teeth and the hair?) and another friend thinks they look like dead rodents, my husband finds the commercial particularly offensive because he thinks it's making fun of retarded people.
At The Big House, Kirsten sets the table and laments that Summer didn't stay, because there's so much food. Seth massages Anna's shoulders, but she wriggles out of his hold; he announces, "Never fear, Mom. Anna's here," to which Anna snits, "You noticed." Seth heads off to get Ryan, asking Anna if she wants to go with him; she sarcastically agrees, suggesting that maybe they can actually be alone together for a few seconds. She trudges around the kitchen, leading him finally to apologize about "the Summer thing." He excuses himself by claiming that Anna knows how excited he gets about "turning people on to comics." Anna's not having it and rebuts, "I know how excited you get turning Summer on, yeah." Seth claims that Anna's not being fair; he thought they were all friends. Anna clarifies that Summer is Seth's friend, but she's his girlfriend, and there is a difference. Or at least there should be. Across the kitchen, Ryan enters; when Sandy asks where he's going, he explains that Marissa's in trouble and that he's going after her. Sandy orders Ryan to give him the car keys, and Ryan repeats that he has to go. Sandy tells him again to hand over the keys; Ryan insists that Sandy said Ryan could go to him if he needed help. Sandy yells, "Give me the keys!" and when Ryan finally hands them over, Sandy's all, "I'll drive." That gets an "Aw" despite the fact that the whole big scene could have been avoided had Sandy just said, "I'm going with you" from the start.
Back at the penthouse, Oliver is stomping around, waving the gun, sniveling and apologizing for stomping around, waving the gun, and sniveling. Marissa pleads that he should just put the gun down so that they can talk. She says she has to leave sometime, and Oliver angrily points out that she'll just go straight to Ryan. But what about Oliver? When Marissa says they'll always be friends, he yells that he doesn't like friends! He's in love with Marissa! How could she not know that! (Because she's stupid.) He always has been! She's the one who gets him! The only thing in his life that he loves! Marissa asks why he would want to hurt her, then, and he reveals that the gun isn't for her; it's for him. Because if she leaves, he'll have nothing else to live for, so she has to promise not to leave. The phone rings.
It's Sandy and Ryan, and they're downstairs at the courtesy phone. When Oliver doesn't pick up, Sandy charges authoritatively toward Natalie, hands over his business card, and explains that they got an emergency card from the penthouse twenty minutes earlier, and now no one is answering. Natalie starts to turn them down, but then Ryan notices her nametag and asks her last name. Somehow this convinces her, because suddenly they're emerging from the elevator upstairs, Natalie leading the way, trailed by two security men. Natalie is really working her time on screen, by the way. She knocks and asks if Oliver's in there; he grunts a response, and she announces that she's coming in. He quickly assures her that he's fine, and that he just got out of the shower. No one wants to see that, and they all turn to go. Sandy thanks her for checking, but Ryan isn't ready to give in yet. He calls for Marissa, who doesn't answer. (Because she's stupid, but also because Oliver is holding a gun to his lips.) Ryan calls for her one last time, and suddenly Marissa shrieks, "Ryan, he's got a gun!" Sandy waves on the security team as Oliver continues gesturing with the gun, threatening to shoot himself. Ryan steps in to talk him out of it by pointing out that killing himself wouldn't hurt Ryan, though it would hurt Marissa, who is the one person who cares about Oliver. And I'm sure it always helps to stress to a suicide that there's only one person in the whole entire world who cares about him. Anyway, Oliver whines that Ryan doesn't know anything about him, but that Ryan's down with the parental abandonment, and the lack of friends, and the no one in his life who believes in him. He suggests that if Oliver will only put down the gun, he'll get a second chance. New Newport Chimes of Chances play as Oliver finally lowers the gun and crumples to the floor a sobbing mess. Marissa throws herself at Ryan, getting him in a nice firm chokehold.
Back at The Big House, Kirsten hangs up the phone and announces that Marissa is now with Lady Heather, and Oliver is on his way to the hospital with his new friends: the police. She heads off to clean up the pool house before the others get home. Why would she do that, again? Seth gets up from his Jenga game and says he should call Summer; when Anna exasperatedly asks why, he explains that she should know Marissa's okay. Anna points out that Summer doesn't even know Marissa's might not be okay, and Seth argues that she should know anyway because Summer and Marissa are best friends. Anna's had enough, and tells Seth to call her later because she's leaving. He argues that this "big huge thing just happened," and Anna agrees, pointing out that the first thing he did afterward was try to call Summer. As Seth stands in gape-mouthed surprise, Anna gives the requisite "great guy" breakup speech, and then announces that she's not going to stand there and pretend she's his girlfriend when she's not. At least not anymore. She poutily tells him that she'll see him in school. The fact that he doesn't chase after her says more than she ever could, though.
Ryan, looking exhausted, enters the pool house, where Seth greets him from his bed. Seth's been looking for his copy of The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, which Ryan says he's reading because Seth said Ryan couldn't be his friend otherwise. Seth asks if he finished it yet, and Ryan responds that he's been distracted. Seth tells him it's a good story: the tale of two men who couldn't be more different, and who learn to overcome their differences: "They team up and essentially...become brothers, not unlike you and me." Aw. Seth then announces that he blew it. When Ryan assures him that it's okay, Seth rebuts that it's not. Ever since Ryan got to Newport, he's had Seth's back; he apologizes, promising that he'll never fail Ryan again. Ryan, not one for the dramatic displays of affection, doesn't respond, and so Seth asks if he wants to talk about his night. He stops and says he's already heard it, so maybe Ryan would prefer to hear about his breakup with Anna instead? Ryan asks if Anna broke up with him, and Seth asks why Ryan would assume that Anna did the breaking? Ryan asks if she didn't. Seth admits that she did, but complains, "You're supposed to have my back." The camera pans outward to show, through the glass panes of the pool house, the two boys sitting side by side, deep in discussion.
Adam Brody delivers a PSA and so shall I: if you are overwhelmed by feelings of depression and/or thoughts of suicide, call 1-800-SUICIDE. It's not the most hopeful acronym of a telephone number, but it's to the point, I suppose.
time on The O.C., Seth tells Summer it's always been her, and there's kissing! Sandy calls himself "the master" at the girl stuff, causing Kirsten to snort laugher. Also, Marissa gets bangs, and Luke calls Lady Heather an "amazing girl-woman."