The Rescue

Early morning at The Big House. Ryan looks typically morose. Seth looks atypically morose. Sandy sips coffee and tries to see out from underneath his obstructing eyebrows. Kirsten removes a giant tub of butter from the fridge and brandishes a knife, offering up bagels, but no one's taking. She expositions that since they won't hear from the hospital in a while, the boys should just get showered and dressed; and besides, Ryan can't be late for his meeting with the Dean. Sandy offers to take them to school, and Kirsten further expositions that Sandy also can't be late for the first day at his new job. She struggles with the equally giant lid of the giant butter before concluding that if they're not going to eat, they should just go. Ryan and Seth do some sort of bizarre square dance, crossing paths in front of Sandy as the phone rings. The three freeze, locked in the same frame. Kirsten turns. Ring. Ring. The camera ominously zooms in on the phone.

Hospital. We pan up and over Marissa's sleeping body as Jimmy tucks hair behind her ear, since she can't do it for herself and it's Mischa Barton's finest acting technique. The Cohens tromp in en masse and Jimmy explains that Marissa just fell back asleep but had been "awake...and, uh, aware." Ryan crosses the room and slowly eases himself into a bedside chair, never taking his eyes off Marissa. Jimmy graciously thanks Ryan for finding Marissa and calling the hospital; his voice trails as he mentally ponders what would have happened if she hadn't been airlifted out. Sandy asks when Marissa can go home, and Jimmy thinks it'll be in a day or two because the hospital wants to keep her under observation. Kirsten agrees that it's hospital policy, just as Lady Heather enters in time to snit that there's no need to worry: "When a teenaged girl palms a dozen painkillers and washes it down with tequila? It's perfectly normal, right?" She asks why the Cohens are there, and Jimmy reveals that he called them. Lady Heather snots that Marissa needs to be with her family -- no visitors. She and Ryan exchange steely glances, and then the Cohens tromp out.

In the hallway, Sandy tells Ryan not to take it personally because Lady Heather's just been through every parent's nightmare. ["He doesn't add that she's a bitch on wheels, but he sure could." -- Wing Chun] Kirsten is sure Lady Heather will apologize, and Jimmy's all, "You are? It's [Lady Heather] we're talkin' about!" Lady Heather's voice booms behind them, demanding to talk with Ryan alone. She bitches that she doesn't know what happened in Mexico, but that she does know that since Ryan he showed up, Marissa's been a wreck -- crying, not wanting to go to Cotillion, and having problems with Luke. Lady Heather claims that Ryan now has another "shining accomplishment" to add to his "list of achievements": "In addition to stealing cars, burning down houses, and befriending would-be assassins, you've almost killed my daughter." And looking at it that way, you probably wouldn't want Ryan as your -door neighbor, either. Ryan takes a deep breath then close-talks that Lady Heather can blame him all she wants, but that he would never do anything to hurt Marissa. Lady Heather comebacks that Ryan won't get the chance, because he's never going to see Marissa again! And if he tries, Lady Heather will make sure he's "thrown back in juvie...where [he] belong[s]!" Ryan's eyes bug out almost to the point of crossing.

California! (You've been on our minds.)

School. Kirsten leads Seth and Ryan through a fancy outside walkway. Seth backstories that he doesn't "git it": shouldn't Lady Heather blame philandering Luke instead of Ryan? Ryan points out that Lady Heather doesn't know the circumstances surrounding Marissa's OD, and Seth asks why Ryan doesn't tell her. Ryan's just happy that Marissa's okay. Kirsten heads off to "check in with the Events Committee," promising to catch up with them later, and telling Ryan not to be nervous because he'll do great.

Ryan is flabbergasted at the expanse of the campus, all, "This is school?" Seth feigns enthusiasm for registration week, claiming it's his favorite time of year because other students aren't around to ruin it. At that moment, two students walk by; Seth points them out, all, "Except them." In interviews, Adam Brody has admitted that he adlibs many of his lines; I think we might have just witnessed one of them at the expense of some unfortunately placed extras. In any case, the boys walk by signage for the tennis court and swimming pool, and Ryan is amazed. Seth is surprised that Ryan didn't have both at his old school and Ryan responds, "Well, we had a basketball hoop." I'm sure the Chino Chamber of Commerce prefers that to the alternate and equally likely response, "Well, we had a stick and a tin can." They continue along their way and intersect with Kirsten, who is talking to two teachers. Seth greets the teachers by name, and they completely ignore him in response. This kind of rude treatment of her son from his educators doesn't seem to bother Kirsten, but it does bother Seth. As they walk away, he laments that his mother is more popular than he is. He then points out that Ryan has to get his school ID photo taken, and Ryan's all, "Mug shot?" Seth accuses Ryan of cynicism.

Speaking of mug shots (and shoddy contrivances), Sandy is currently having his picture taken as well. For some reason, the flash causes him to loosen his tie fanatically. Rachel is back, and moans, "Oh yeah!" before agreeing that the photo's "a keeper." Sandy asks when the retina scan is, and she deadpans, "Friday." He explains that he was joking, and so was she! Well, then, I guess, ha. Rachel says it's a good thing they didn't hire Sandy for his quick wit; as he admires his photo he jokes, "Well, God doesn't give with two hands." Hee. Rachel explains that Sandy needs to meet his team, which will consist of a researcher, two paralegals, and a file clerk to "do all the heavy lifting." Rachel awkwardly segues to the firm's "state-of-the-art gym," the existence of which surprises Sandy. She, meanwhile, is amazed that the public defender's office didn't have a gym. And do these people know nothing about anything? In any case, if you didn't see Sandy's response coming, you need to watch more television. Or, I guess, good for you. He says, of course, "We had a basketball hoop."

Back at the Harbor School, Dr. Kim pages through Ryan's file, skeptically announcing his weak grades, truancy, and criminal activity. Kirsten quickly explains that it was a misdemeanor for which Ryan received only probation; Ryan looks at her sideways with a doubting expression on his face. Dr. Kim clichs about "Harbor School material." Kirsten argues that Ryan has had a lot to overcome, but she and Sandy feel that, in the right environment, he could excel. Dr. Kim doesn't doubt Ryan's "extraordinary promise," but she's concerned about his preparation for the rigors of the school's curriculum. Kirsten curtly asks if Mrs. Kim is also concerned about pressure from parents who don't want Ryan there. Dr. Kim admits that it is indeed a consideration, but "not a decisive one." She appeals to Kirsten's knowledge of the school, claiming that she knows how bright the students are and that "those that aren't bred for USC go off to Harvard and Yale." Dr. Kim thinks a different school -- Newport Union -- might be a better place for a student with "Ryan's background." Ryan's all, "My background?" Dr. Kim blinks amazement at Ryan's audacity -- or perhaps at his very ability to speak; he is from Chino, after all. He continues, "I can't change where I'm from, but I can change where I'm goin'." Kirsten looks amused and pleased, as Dr. Kim explains that if Ryan fails, he'll lose a year as well as self-confidence. And he'll certainly want to avoid doing that, lest he be forced to suffer his very own painfully over-enunciated lesson from Anna Stern. Ryan counters, "With all due respect, Dr. Kim, if you think not letting me in is gonna inspire self-confidence..." He plaintively pleads for a shot, leading Dr. Kim to cite his good test scores and personal essay, and his borderline-yet-acceptable grades. If Ryan can pass a placement exam which will measure his preparedness -- as opposed to aptitude -- then he's in. Ryan's all, "Just tell me where and when."

Outside, Seth sits under an umbrella and reads. It looks a bit like Italy. Summer -- wearing a teensy skirt and biting her nails -- approaches. Seth greets her eagerly, and gestures for her to sit down. She awkwardly does so, complaining that it's weird to be in school right now, surrounded by "all these people with no idea." And why is she in school, anyway, if it's orientation week for new people? Ah, because if she's not in school, then it would be difficult for this conversation to take place. Seth listens to Summer with a thoughtful and concerned expression on his face, and then sweetly agrees and asks if she's talked to Marissa. She admits that she's only talked to Lady Heather. Seth explains about the Cohen family's field trip that morning; although Marissa was sleeping, she's going to be okay. Summer still can't believe it: she thought Marissa "was done," and Seth admits that he did, too. He proposes that, when Marissa is feeling better, they take her out and cheer her up with a movie or Six Flags. Summer pauses and agrees. Seth then works up the nerve to add, "Maybe before then, if you want, uh, I don't know, you and me could go see a movie." Summer looks uncomfortable until a group of cheerleaders walks by and greets her, causing her to acknowledge them chirpily in return. Seth watches Summer in dismay. Summer watches Seth in dismay. The cheerleaders watch them both in confusion. Summer earnestly tells him, "Look, Cohen." She explains that the year is all messed up, with Marissa in the hospital, and she'll never talk to Luke or Holly again, so she and Seth.... Seth quickly cuts her off to say he understands: they're back in school now, and "old rules apply." Seth waves Summer away, and Summer leaves with a resigned "All right." Seth sadly ponders the landscape.

Back at the hospital, Lady Heather's now on hair-tuck duty as Jimmy enters with two coffees. He comments on the strong sedative Marissa was given; Lady Heather sighs that Marissa needs to sleep, and they need to talk. She quickly glances over at Marissa in concern, and then walks to the front of the room, where she loudly proceeds to announce that she and Jimmy need to "present a united front" because it's "hard enough, this forcing us to be in the same room together." Jimmy commends Lady Heather on her "beside manner," but Lady Heather continues her diatribe, insisting that calling the Cohens was inappropriate because Jimmy knows she doesn't like "that Brian." Jimmy corrects her as to Ryan's name, but Lady Heather adds that whatever his name is, she doesn't want him anywhere near Marissa. Inside the hospital room, we see that Marissa is awake and listening with her usual forty-year-old-caught-in-the-headlights expression. Jimmy responds that Marissa said it was an accident, and so there's no one to blame. Lady Heather points out that it's an interesting position for him to take, considering that Jimmy's the one who let her go to Tijuana in the first place. Like Lady Heather wouldn't have? That confuses me. But anyway. Jimmy can't believe that Lady Heather's making it his fault now, and Lady Heather points out that he's the one who stole, lied, and destroyed the family, concluding, "Why do you think she took all those pills?" Jimmy doesn't think Lady Heather can honestly believe that, and Lady Heather says she left Marissa in his care for one weekend, and look what happened! She announces that she's going to ask the judge for sole custody, because "getting the girls away from [Jimmy] is [Lady Heather's] only chance to give them back some semblance of a life." Jimmy begs that she can't do that, but Lady Heather insists that if Jimmy fights her on the issue, Lady Heather will take him to court, and he'll be lucky to even get supervised visitation. Jimmy declares that Lady Heather will have to take him to court because he's not giving up his kids. Wait. Not even Caitlyn? Lady Heather snits that Jimmy might not have a choice. She storms off to check on Caitlyn and the sitter while a teary Marissa feigns sleep. Jimmy leaves too, and Marissa busts her cell phone out of its bedside drawer.

At the pool house, Ryan studies while Seth congratulates himself for never throwing anything away: although the questions on Ryan's test might be different, it's the same basic idea as the tests Seth saved. Ryan laments that he'll fail, and Seth urges him to get into Harbor because he refuses to spend another year there alone. He concludes with a little bow and the final words "Please. Thank you. Study." Except it's not so final at all; as Ryan lowers his head to study, Seth busts out, "Especially, though, if all it takes is a couple of cheerleaders walkin' by and suddenly it's like, hmm. Summer and I? We just, we just didn't happen." Ryan stares at him, and Seth apologizes for his outburst and returns to urging Ryan to study. Ryan once again lowers his head, but Seth's not done yet: "Here's the thing though, Ryan. We connected, right? We connected and it was awesome. Especially the part where she kissed me; I do believe I might have mentioned that...." Hee. An exasperated Ryan interjects to say that the test is in two hours, and unless Seth plans to join him at Newport Union High.... Seth cuts him off to reply, "Right. Got it. Less talking, more studying." The phone rings, and Seth orders Ryan not to move and to keep studying. He picks up the phone with typical quirky flourish, making a quick scrunchy face. If you have the episode on tape, look at it again because it's cuteness personified. Seth greets Marissa with surprise in his voice, and then hands the phone off to Ryan. We don't hear the conversation, just Ryan quickly agreeing to be there. The wrist cuff, by the way, is the star of this scene. Ryan hangs up, and hurriedly explains that Marissa's upset: something is going on with her parents, and since Lady Heather is going home for a while, Ryan's heading to the hospital. Seth asks about the test, and Ryan says he'll just have to show up and do it on his own. Seth asks what if that's not good enough, and Ryan responds that Dr. Kim will be right, then, that he's not Harbor School material. Ryan storms down the steps of the pool house and through the main house. He runs like an eighty-year-old man. An eighty -year-old man in a leather wrist cuff.

At the hospital, Marissa reclines in bed acting "sad." Which is much the same as acting "confused" or acting "surprised" or acting "angry" or acting "betrayed" or acting "tired" or acting "depressed." "Happy" she can manage, and as Ryan knocks at the door, she instantly perks up. He's bearing flowers, and she can't seem to take her eyes off them. She surprisingly doesn't look forty in this scene. Maybe thirty-nine. The flower arrangement consists of a single sunflower surrounded by baby's breath and greens in an ugly white vase. It's tied up with raffia. The raffia's kind of fancy for the last thing in a gift shop -- even in Southern California. Marissa looks happy about the flowers, and then quickly apologizes for her stupidity in Tijuana. Ryan silences her and sits on the edge of the bed. She continues explaining that she didn't want to kill herself, and Ryan is unresponsive. She insists again that she just "wanted to...escape," and finally Ryan sweetly says, "I know."

Lady Heather's voice bellows out in the hallway: "Excuse me, nurse. When you get a chance? Lunch, please?" Ryan rushes into the bathroom, spinning in a near 360-degree circle to close the door. Again with the Brandon Walsh. Marissa slides back into the bed and goes for "exhausted." Lady Heather enters, and we see that she has donned her most appropriate sparkly tube top for the occasion of her daughter's near-death. She enthuses that Marissa is awake, and passes on love from Caitlyn and, presumably, China. Marissa complains that her throat hurts and, niceties now aside, Lady Heather snarks that it's because she had her stomach pumped. Lady Heather's eyes zoom in on the flower arrangement and she asks where "that thing" came from. Marissa claims not to know, but Lady Heather immediately determines that Ryan was there. She can't believe he'd show up after she told him not to! After everything he's done to Marissa! Marissa insists that it wasn't Ryan's fault, but Lady Heather points out that although Marissa keeps saying that, she was happy before Ryan came to town. Marissa can't believe Lady Heather actually thinks she was happy, and Lady Heather points out that if she wasn't, Marissa never told her. Marissa insists that she tried, but Lady Heather is already stomping off to lay into some poor nurse over the "appalling" security. Marissa "resignedly" puts her head in her hands, and Ryan emerges from the bathroom. She apologizes for her mother; he accepts, but adds that he needs to go take his test, promising to return as soon as he can. Marissa isn't sure if that's a good idea, because of Lady Heather. Ryan earnestly says, "I'm not afraid of your mom." Marissa softly responds, "Well, I am."

The Big House. Seth reads a comic book as Kirsten enters the kitchen, asking if he knows what Ryan wants for lunch. Seth covers for Ryan's absence, claiming that he doesn't want lunch because he's on a diet. Kirsten asks why he's on a diet, and Seth responds, "Why is he on a diet?" Hee. Kirsten announces that she'll ask Ryan herself (about the lunch, not the diet), because she wants to check in on him. Seth quickly cuts her off: "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom," claiming that Ryan is in a "state of deep, deep Zen-like concentration right now, okay?" Kirsten insists that Ryan still needs to eat and keeps heading toward the door, causing Seth to jump to his feet and announce with an outstretched hand, "He's naked! All right? He's naked! He studies in the nude; it's a Chino thing. Okay? And I think that if you were going to walk in on him, naked, and Dad was to find out, I think suspicions would be raised. A house divided...will not stand." Hee! Yay! Dieting, naked, studying Ryan is saved by the doorbell, and Kirsten heads to answer it (Rosie appears to have been dismissed since the first few episodes), saying that she and Seth still need to talk about his "little surprise trip to Tijuana." Seth "can't wait."

Jimmy's at the door, and after Kirsten confirms that Marissa is okay, he explains that it's Lady Heather who's the problem. He asks, "Is Sandy coming home for lunch?" but it sounds an awful lot like he says, "Is Sandy Cohen home for lunch?" Kirsten explains that Sandy just started a new job today, and Jimmy reveals that Lady Heather is suing Jimmy for full custody as well as possibly supervised visits with the kids. Kirsten asks why Lady Heather would do that, but Jimmy doesn't care; his question is whether he's even got a shot of joint custody considering what he's put his family through. What kind of case does he have? Kirsten invites him in while she tracks down Sandy's new number, and Jimmy awkwardly says he'll wait outside. Kirsten realizes his illicit kiss-based reluctance as he awkwardly shifts around on the porch. Within earshot of Seth, Kirsten claims that she and Jimmy have been friends for too long to let "something like this" come between then. She says "it was just a --" He finishes, "It was stupid. It was -- it was -- it was -- monumentally stupid." Jimmy apologizes, and Kirsten says it's okay; she then clarifies that it's not okay, but really it's okay. If that's confusing, it made sense in the delivery. Of course, Kelly Rowan could make the lyrics of a Roxette song sound sensible in the delivery. Jimmy says that Kirsten and Sandy are his only remaining friends, and that he doesn't want to lose her. Sandy's friendship, apparently, would be no great loss. Sufficiently coerced, Jimmy agrees to go inside.

Marissa has reached Jimmy's voicemail, but doesn't get a chance to leave a message as Lady Heather snits back into the room, ranting about the inferior security at the hospital, which is exactly why she thought San Diego would be good for Marissa. Marissa's all, "San Diego?" Lady Heather explains that Dr. Burke has a facility there. Marissa's all, "Dr. Burke?" Lady Heather reveals that Dr. Burke is a highly recommended psychiatrist who runs an institute for "young women who are troubled." Marissa instantly concludes, "You're sending me to a mental institution." Lady Heather clarifies that it's a "recovery center." While Marissa continues to look "outraged," the rest of us wonder what would be so wrong with that? Do they honestly expect the viewing audience to believe that tossing back a bottle each of pills and tequila was just a momentary lapse in judgment? Or an accident, i.e.: "Oops, I stepped on the mouth of a bottle of tequila, causing the bottle to flip up into the air and spiral downward, during which time I quickly swallowed the pills in my hand to free myself to catch the bottle, but I didn't shut my mouth in time, and the tequila poured straight into my open mouth!" Lady Heather knows that Marissa doesn't understand, but she'd rather be hated than risk losing Marissa again. How outrageously parental of her! Marissa asks whether Jimmy knows, and Lady Heather dodges the question by claiming that time away from Jimmy might be good for Marissa. Marissa snittily asks, what if she doesn't want to go, and Lady Heather says it's Dr. Burke's decision; she'll be there after lunch to evaluate Marissa. Lady Heather pleads with Marissa to talk to Dr. Burke and let her help; then, she'll be able to get out of the hospital and start getting better. That monster! Marissa pretends to agree and claims to need to use the bathroom; she sneaks the cell phone away with her. Meanwhile, Lady Heather picks up Ryan's flowers and drops them in the trash.

The Big House. Seth's still reading a comic book, now up in his room. There's a knock on the door, and he yells, "Not now, Mom. I'm studying naked!" Summer's signature "ew" comes in response. Seth realizes it's her and hurries to the door, announcing that she should come in. She yells, "Um. No way," screaming, "No, no, no, no!" as he opens the door to reveal that she's standing there covering her eyes with her hands. She slowly opens her eyes, checks out his non-nudity, and stomps into the room, announcing, "Okay. I don't get it. What kind of family do you have, Cohen?" Hee. Seth slickly covers, "The kind where mothers and sons wear clothes. Always. Even in the shower." Summer appraises his bedroom and hones in on the weak spot: a toy horse sitting on the desk. She picks it up and laughingly asks what it is, making it hop along in the air. Seth claims not to know where it came from, and Summer's all, "Uh huh. What's its name?" She stares Seth down until he admits, "Captain Oats. What are you doing here?" Suitably distracted by the question, Summer puts down Captain Oats and explains that a freaking-out Marissa called her because Lady Heather's threatening to "ship her off to the insane asylum." And okay. Enough already. It's 2003, not 1903! Seth is incredulous, but Summer insists that she's serious and needs to "get radical" -- she needs Ryan! Seth explains that Ryan's taking a placement exam and asks, "What's wrong with me, though? Am I not radical enough?" Summer says it depends on whether he's ready to take on Julie Cooper, and Seth quickly agrees that they do indeed need Ryan. As they rush out of the room together, Seth points, all, "That's my bed." Summer's all, "Okay," and Seth's all, "Just wanted you to know that," and Summer's all, "Uh huh." Hee.

Still at the office, Sandy is on the phone, speaking lawyerese. Rachel enters and makes an annoying "hurry up" kind of hand gesture. Sandy extricates himself from the call and points out that his wife also does that "with the hand" when she's pissed off at him. Except, my guess is, it's not so completely annoying when Kirsten does it. Rachel concludes that she and Sandy's wife have a lot in common, and then launches into a complaint about how Sandy's only been there half a day and has already booked court dates for five of his seven assigned cases. He asks if that means he "win[s] the free set of steak knives." She doesn't find the joke funny; she whines that it's not how they do things there, and that she can keep it off the partners' radar for now, but he's got to understand! Sandy's all, "Understand what? I'm goin' to court! I'm takin' 'em on! I'm bringin' 'em down! Especially this bastard who won't let his neighbor grow his hedges over his own fence!" Rachel argues that Sandy knows how much goes into trying a case, and that if he settles, he can resolve twice as many cases, because they're "in a volume business here." Sandy's all, "Like Costco." Hee. Rachel ignores this comment as Sandy replies that he thought they brought him to the firm because they wanted a committed and passionate trial attorney. Rachel insists that they did, and that when a case deserves to go, it's all him. In the meantime, though, he needs to pick up the phone and "passionately negotiate some settlements." Sandy scoffs, and Rachel reminds him that she put her "ass on the line" to get him the job. It didn't look that way, though, since Sandy wasn't exactly begging for the job. Still, Rachel urges him, "Do it for me."

Ryan is engaged in his pencil-chewing exam, as Summer and Seth bust into the room, yelling that Marissa needs Ryan because her mom's "gone psycho" and is having Marissa committed. Ryan is still taking in this information as Dr. Kim enters, wanting to know what's going on. Seth quick-talks that it's not what it looks like -- it's an emergency! Summer joins in, insisting that they just need to "borrow" Ryan, and that they'll "bring him right back." Dr. Kim silences them with a glare and orders them out of the room, announcing that Ryan isn't going anywhere. Ryan, meanwhile, appears to be experiencing REM. On his way out, Seth hovers in the doorway and mumbles that they'll be waiting outside. As the door slams shut, Ryan stands up, announcing that he's got to go, too. Dr. Kim assumes that the test is too difficult for him and urges him to tell her if the Cohens are pressuring him. He responds that it's not too difficult, and that he's not being pressured: he wants to be there. Dr. Kim -- who addition to the pearls and the flippy hair has donned a headband -- orders him to sit down and finish the test, but he can't! She goes on about Ryan's "level of commitment" and blah blah, but Ryan doesn't have time to argue right now! Dr. Kim insists that there is no argument: if he walks away from the test, he walks away from the school. Ryan breathlessly slams the test down on the table and concludes that she's probably right. He apologizes for wasting her time before storming out the door, where Seth and Summer wait anxiously.

Marissa sits in a robe with her arms crossed, acting "pissed off" during her evaluation with Dr. Burke, who reads aloud that that Lady Heather informed her that Marissa had anorexia in ninth grade. Marissa claims that although her mother is convinced, it was "just tennis season and [she] was really stressed." Good thing Lady Heather makes comments about Marissa's outfits being "forgiving," then. Dr. Burke moves on to the tenth grade, when Marissa was caught shoplifting. Marissa acts "surprised" that Dr. Burke knows this, and dismissively says that it was "just a lighter and a pack of cigarettes." Dr. Burke is not appeased, and asks if she still smokes. Marissa responds, "No really." , Dr. Burke asks if she drinks, too? When Marissa doesn't answer, Dr. Burke advances to asking if she drinks a lot. Marissa "guess[es] so," and wants to know how Dr. Burke would quantify "a lot." Dr. Burke asks if she's ever blacked out, and Marissa is unresponsive. Dr. Burke wants to hear all the dirty bits of the last year: Jimmy's financial troubles, the bankruptcy, the separation. She concludes, "Home's probably the last place you wanna be, right?" Marissa is still unresponsive, so Dr. Burke moves on to Lady Heather's favorite subject: Luke. Marissa snits that he's not her boyfriend anymore, and Dr. Burke is surprised. She asks what happened, and Marissa whines that anything she says will be used against her to prove that she's "troubled." And are we supposed to think for a second that she's not "troubled," and that a diagnosis of "troubled" would be more problematic than a diagnosis of "fine"? Dr. Burke insists that she's not there to judge; she's there to listen and try to help. Marissa angrily counters that Dr. Burke is there because Lady Heather would rather ship her off to a "mental institution" than deal with what's going on. Dr. Burke trumps that: "I'm here because, accidentally or not, you nearly killed yourself." Marissa sits back as Dr. Burke asks if Marissa will tell her what's really going on with her and her mom. Marissa ponders this before asking, "How much time do you have?"

Out in the hallway, Seth and Ryan fidget, complaining that Summer should have been there already, and that she'd better be there soon. Seth wonders whether something might have happened; after all, if Jimmy can't get Marissa out of the hospital, how can they? Ryan is unwilling to wait for Summer, and storms over to the reception desk. Before he can get too far, Summer's voice rings out, and the camera pans over to reveal that she's wearing a most cleavage-baring candy striper outfit. It looks more like a Halloween costume. And do real people wear candy-striper uniforms anyway, or is it just a myth perpetuated by television shows looking for a laugh or the chance to put a character in a sexy outfit? Ryan speechlessly looks her over as Seth groans, "Good. Lord!" Summer sheepishly insists that she told them she was a candy striper, but Seth thought she was kidding. She explains that it's for charity and all the girls do it. He Xanders, "I should be hospitalized more." She Cordys, "I could help you." Ryan breaks up the flirtation, asking if Summer can get them to the Psych ward or not. She's all, "Just try to keep up with me," and heads off pushing her book cart, greeting various people, and insisting that she knows it's her day off but, "I just cannot. Get enough. Of sick people." Hee. Summer further explains to a curious receptionist-type person, "These guys are gonna help me with the sponge bath." Seth gestures at an unseen patient and claims "dibs on that guy." Hee.

Meanwhile, Dr. Burke is telling Lady Heather and Jimmy that although Marissa doesn't need to be kept on suicide watch, there are underlying issues that need to be dealt with. Lady Heather asks whether Dr. Burke can help Marissa, and Dr. Burke explains that she can recommend further treatment -- psychodynamic therapy and group work. Lady Heather's all, "At the Institute," but Dr. Burke reveals that it could actually be done in Newport -- she sees patients herself, or she can give a referral. Lady Heather insists that she wants to get Marissa away from Newport because it's "too chaotic." Jimmy doesn't think Marissa can leave now because of school and her friends. Lady Heather delivers the verbal equivalent of a bitch slap: "She almost died, Jimmy. How much more harm can she do?" Dr. Burke interjects and asks them to decide, because she has to make a phone call. As she leaves, Lady Heather rolls her eyes at Dr. Burke's back. She announces that Marissa is going to the Institute, but Jimmy's all, "She's not going anywhere." Lady Heather threatens to call her lawyer, and Jimmy backbones, "Go ahead. I'll call mine." Lady Heather claims she's going to go talk to Marissa. Instead, she stomps over to Dr. Burke, interrupts the phone call, and announces that she and Jimmy have decided: there's a packed bag in the car, and she'll personally drive Marissa down to the Institute tonight. Dr. Burke doesnt look entirely pleased, but agrees to make the arrangements.

Lady Heather informs Marissa that although it might be difficult to hear, she and Dr. Burke both think it's for the best that she go to the Institute. Marissa asks Jimmy's opinion, and Lady Heather dodges that he just wants what's best for her, too. She orders Marissa to get dressed, and heads off to do the paperwork with Dr. Burke, but not before commending Marissa for taking it so well. Marissa unconvincingly agrees, "Well, it's for the best, right?" As the door closes behind Lady Heather, Marissa anxiously leans forward to make sure she's gone, then Ryan leaps out of the bathroom. Marissa's face "lights up" as she asks about her performance; Ryan responds that she almost had him convinced. He throws a candy striper uniform to her and she holds it up skeptically. Awkwardly, he explains that it was Summer's idea, and is part of the cover. Marissa's all, "Sure. Summer's idea." Ryan turns as she starts to change, but then sneaks a look back over his shoulder. Marissa tells him, "No peeking," and no kidding. He might cut his eye on a bone or something. The audience, on the other hand, isn't spared.

Outside the room, Seth peruses the book cart and picks up Madame Bovary, commenting, "That Flaubert could really turn a phrase." Summer surprises him by admitting that she read the book, but thought it was a "bummer" because Emma "got her heart, like, totally broken, but why'd she have to go and eat arsenic?" Summer claims she's read it five times, because it's "Tom Shales's favorite book." Summer adds that she should go check on Tom Shales, by the way, because he's incontinent. (He's also a writer for The Washington Post who gave The O.C. a scathing review after the airing of the pilot. Hee.) Seth calls Summer a "strange and mysterious woman." Meanwhile, Lady Heather and Dr. Burke are approaching down the hallway, causing Summer to gasp. Seth covers her mouth with his hand, and begins making a series of unidentifiable, fanatic gestures. Summer pauses and touches her lips with a dazed expression on her face before recovering and snitting, "Okay. Wait. Look. I don't know what that means, Cohen. I wasn't in Panama." And she's not an airplane that needs to be landed, either, which is what it looked like to me. Seth tries to explain himself, but Summer cuts him off to order him to go -- she'll run interference. Seth claims that's what he was trying to say, before skipping off down the hallway, still gesturing.

Summer intercepts Lady Heather, explaining that she was volunteering and thought she'd stop by to see Marissa. Lady Heather says she'll be fine eventually, but Summer has already turned to Dr. Burke, asking if she's Marissa's doctor. Dr. Burke explains that she's Marissa's therapist, and that they're on their way to see her right now. Summer cuts her off, all, "A therapist, huh? Do you have a second?" She launches into a rambling description of a dream wherein, she says, "I'm in the woods trying to find this restaurant but I'm totally lost. And sooooo hungry. See, I had reservations where you can't be late. Are you following?" Hee.

Back in the hospital room, Ryan and Marissa agree that they're ready to leave. They open the door to head out and freeze; the camera pans over to reveal Luke waiting with a bouquet of flowers. Marissa orders him to go away, and he whines that he wanted to see her, and that he's sorry about everything. Marissa points out that Luke said the same thing in Mexico, and he repeats that it was a mistake. He finally notices her costume and looks confused just as Seth enters, shoots Luke a dirty look, and leans in to whisper that Lady Heather and Dr. Burke are on their way. Luke realizes that they're running away, causing Marissa to snap, "Luke, please." He leans back, checks out the hallway, and urges them to take the back stairs.

It's Mexican Night at The Only Restaurant in Orange County. Jimmy and Kirsten enter together as she explains that someone at Sandy's office said he was having "welcome to the firm drinks" with a few of his associates. Surprisingly, they're not having "welcome to the firm, bitch, drinks." Jimmy looks behind Kirsten and sees something that surprises him; she turns and notices, too, that "a few of his associates" really means "Rachel." We pan over to their table, where Rachel is getting soused on margaritas while Sandy winces, presumably because he's eating something sour. Surprised to see Kirsten and Jimmy, Sandy asks what they're doing there, and Kirsten explains that his office directed her to them. She icily introduces herself to Rachel, who chirpily introduces herself right back. Kirsten faux smiles, all, "So this is Rachel." Sandy's all, "This is Rachel," and Rachel's all, "I'm Rachel!" Awkward laughter ensues, then Jimmy straight-mans, "Hi Rachel, I'm Jimmy." Hee. Kirsten snarkily asks if they're doing research for a suit involving a tequila company, and Sandy responds, "Apparently we don't sue anybody." Rachel adds, "Now, you say that like it's a bad thing," before congratulating Kirsten on how lucky she is to be married to someone "so hilarious." Hairlarious, too. Kirsten coldly agrees, "I am." Jimmy's not down with the awkward, and announces that he's leaving and will take care of his own problem. A concerned Sandy tells him to stop by the office tomorrow, but Jimmy insists that will be too late. Kirsten follows after him telling Sandy, "I'll see you at home...when you're finished work." Burn! She then fakely tells Rachel it's nice to meet her Rachel, who turns back to her drink.

The Bachelor Pad. Jimmy enters, flicking on the light to reveal Summer, Seth, Ryan, and Marissa, who have been sitting there, presumably, in the dark. Marissa says, "Hey, Dad." Commercial.

We're back, and Jimmy asks what they're doing there. Marissa stands up, nervously rubbing her hands on her jeans like my creepy sixth-grade teacher. Marissa explains that she "checked out," though not, apparently, in the sense that she tried to check out in Tijuana. As Jimmy asks if Lady Heather knows about it, the other three awkwardly shuffle off to wait in the car, Ryan casting one longing glance back at Marissa. Marissa throws her arms around Jimmy's neck, sniveling that she didn't know what else to do, since Lady Heather was getting ready to drive her down to San Diego. Jimmy pulls back all, "What?" and Marissa realizes that he didn't know. She wide-eyes that she doesn't want to go to San Diego! And she doesn't want to live with Lady Heather! She wants to stay with him! Jimmy wants that too, but he doesn't know if it's possible, since Lady Heather is suing him for sole custody and has him "over a barrel." He explains that if he does one thing wrong, he'll never be able to see Marissa again, and he doesn't want to lose her. The phone rings; Jimmy checks the Caller ID and excuses himself. Marissa deduces that it's Lady Heather and slips out the door, just as Jimmy assures Lady Heather that he didn't have anything to do with the breakout and promises to keep Marissa there.

The foursome walk down the pier eating slices of pizza off napkins. That's a messy-ass way to eat pizza. ["Oh my word, I didn't know I had the queen of England on staff!" -- Wing Chun, who has eaten more than her share of slices al fresco] Summer asks what Marissa plans to do, but Marissa doesn't know. Seth suggests that they hide her in one of his mother's developments, and then claims to be kidding when the others stare him down. Marissa asks how it's possible that her mother wants to "lock [her] up in an asylum," while her father can't do anything about it. Ryan insists that they'll figure something out, and Summer suggests that they'd better hurry, because Marissa "just escaped from a Psych ward wearing a candy striper outfit: if they didn't think she was crazy before...." Seth stares her into apologizing, and then they head off together to get another slice of pizza. Ryan offers to "skip town" with Marissa, who jokes that her mom would love that. Ryan then offers to stay away if Marissa thinks Lady Heather's doing all of this to keep them apart. Marissa doesn't want that either, though. Ryan breaks a long silence, asking what she wants him to do. She wishes she could just get Lady Heather to listen.

The Big House. Kirsten sits on the couch and stares ahead; when Sandy enters, she doesn't even look up. He pauses in the doorway and greets her with a "hey," and she must be really pissed off, since she doesn't even "hey" him back. Instead, she snidely asks, "Back from work?" Sandy says he doesn't know why she's so upset; he clarifies that he does know, but insists that it's nothing: Rachel works at his firm. Kirsten snarks that Rachel doesn't even look old enough to be served in a bar, let alone be a lawyer. Too quickly, Sandy responds that she's thirty-three and graduated from Berkeley four years after Kirsten did. (Which would make Kirsten thirty-seven, if she was of standard age when she graduated, and since we know she was twenty-two when she met Sandy, then the timeline could probably work, but barely.) Kirsten snaps, "What's her favorite color?" And Sandy, again with the too-quick, answers, "Pink." This saddens Kirsten, who claims that she's not saying anything is going on. Sandy points out that when she spent the weekend at Jimmy's house, he didn't say anything because he knew nothing was going on. When Kirsten looks away, Sandy's all, "Right?" Kirsten shiftily agrees, "Right. Of course." Sandy asks what she and Jimmy were doing together tonight anyway, and Kirsten explains that Jimmy's having custody issues with Lady Heather. Sandy concludes, "Well, I guess we're all havin' issues." He asks what they're going to do, because he has to work with "this woman." They agree that they trust each other. The phone rings.

Sandy answers, but fails to make the same scrunchy face Seth did, so telephone-answering cuteness is apparently not an inherited trait. It's Ryan, who explains that he's with Marissa and needs advice. Sandy's all, "Aaaaaaah." We don't hear Ryan's end of the conversation, only Sandy's response: "Well, if I've learned anything today, you don't wanna go to court with this. You're gonna wanna settle."

Doorbell. The Big House. It's Lady Heather, and she wants to know what's going on! Sandy urges her follow him inside, leading her into the kitchen as she whines that she doesn't understand, and what does this have to do with Marissa? Ryan sits at the kitchen counter, and he should so have a beer in front of him. Lady Heather snarks that she's not surprised he's involved, and asks where Marissa is. Ryan snits, "I don't know. At a bus station. On a tropical island somewhere." Sandy scolds him, and yay for parenting! Lady Heather cannot believe Sandy is "chaperoning this farce." Sandy orders her to sit down, but she doesn't want to sit down! Sandy suggests that they should talk, but she doesn't understand what there is to talk about! Ryan smirks, "Well, if you ever wanna see your daughter..." Sandy commands Ryan to "watch it," while Lady Heather stares at him angrily. Seriously, she's like Michael Jackson in the "Thriller" video. Did they use contacts to make her look so pissed off? Sandy knows Lady Heather has been through a lot, but Ryan's not the problem. She asks what that is supposed to mean, and then yells at Ryan to tell her where Marissa is, because she's taking her home, and "she just ran away from a hospital!" Her voice rises and cracks with this exclamation, nicely exhibiting the fear through the anger. Ryan rebuts this: "Ran away from you!" Ryan points out that Lady Heather is from Riverside, causing her head to spin nearly 360 degrees. She's going to call the police because he said that! Still, he won't be deterred, and adds that he knows Orange County has everything they never had, and he knows she's afraid she's going to lose everything she ever wanted! Lady Heather's had enough, and starts to leave as he yells that what she wants and what Marissa wants are two different things. Lady Heather stops to respond, "You don't know what she wants!" But Ryan does know what she doesn't want! To go to San Diego! And to live with Lady Heather! Marissa has materialized in the background and grins at this portion of the outburst. And if that's not crappy acting, it's crappy directing. Even if Marissa is absolutely furious with her mother, hearing the cruel truth of Ryan's outburst aloud would still be cringe-inducing.

Lady Heather is on the verge of tears: she doesn't know what she's supposed to say to any of this! Marissa finally steps up and urges her to "just say yes." Momentarily relieved to see Marissa, Lady Heather insists that Marissa doesn't mean that, but Marissa agrees that she does. She knows that Lady Heather is only trying to help, but she's only making everything worse! A teary Lady Heather says that Marissa has no idea how scared she was, and Marissa apologizes, before insisting that she's not going to hurt herself again; she'll even still see a therapist, but she wants to do it in Newport. And she wants to live with her father, at least for now. In the foreground, Lady Heather lowers her head. In the background, Kirsten lowers her head. Somewhere in a loveless, abandoned stall, China lowers her head. There's lots of head lowering in this episode. A defeated Lady Heather harshes that it's not over, and stomps herself out.

Ryan slowly walks over to Marissa and gets right up in her face to ask if she's okay. Marissa kisses his cheek and then slowly hugs him. He looks shell-shocked as he finally allows himself to put a careful arm around her.

Poolside. Seth asks Summer if, after everything that happened today, she'll still ignore him back at school. She jokes, "Well, all I can do is try," and Seth says he admires her will. Kirsten emerges from the house, and they get to their feet, Seth giving Summer a hand. Aw. Seth asks how it went, and Kirsten responds that it's "over." She says that someone should take Marissa home, and then further reveals "...to her dad's." Seth and Summer grin, and she heads off to provide the ride. Seth waves; Summer grins and ignores him in response. Kirsten watches in amusement as Seth smirkily explains, "It's just a little thing we do." Kirsten nods and smiles before moving back onto another subject: Tijuana. Seth's all, "It's pronounced Tia-HWON-a. That's how -- you're so white, Mom." Hee.

Inside, Ryan and Sandy bond over product-placed iced teas as Sandy announces that he never knew Ryan could talk so much. Ryan likes to "save it for when it counts." Sandy heard what happened with the test (probably because he was lurking behind a door somewhere). He then clarifies that he actually heard what didn't happen. When Ryan is silent, he kids, "Suddenly you're not so talkative." Sandy understands that Marissa needed help and Ryan was worried about her, but now he's worried about Ryan. Ryan insists that he's okay with going to public school, which will be better than his school. Sandy urges him to explain the situation to Dr. Kim, but Ryan doesn't think she'll want to hear from him ever again. Sandy concludes that Ryan's afraid of her and says, "You who went toe to toe with Julie Cooper -- the dragon lady? You can take Dr. Kim!" He encourages Ryan to talk to her, pointing out, "If there's a problem, you'll have your attorney present. I got your back." Aw.

School. The Dean's Den. Sandy and Seth wait outside the door, and Sandy points out that he and Summer seemed "pretty chummy" yesterday. Seth's all, "Dad. 'Chummy'?" Sandy urges him to tell, but Seth insists that he can't. Sandy rhetorically asks, if Seth can't talk to his dad, who can he talk to? Seth responds, "Gee, I don't know. Ryan. Mom. That tree over there." Hee. Sandy jokes that Seth will miss him when he's gone, and Seth's all, "When are you leaving?" They do a little hand-slappy thing just as Ryan exits the office, accompanied by Dr. Kim, who gives them a curious look. Ryan is wearing a collared shirt. Who knew he could wear one with sleeves, never mind a collar? Sandy asks what the "verdict" is, and Dr. Kim reveals that Ryan not only passed, but that he did very well! (But if Ryan, without studying, not only passed but did "very well" on the test which measured his preparedness, then his Chino education must have been damn good!) Seth and Sandy clap and congratulate him, and Seth announces that he's going to be a Pirate. Hey! My high school team was the Pirates! Ryan's all, "Pirates?" and Seth agrees that it is indeed "a bit minty." They practice the Harbor High handshake, and Sandy thanks Dr. Kim for the second chance. Dr. Kim responds that if Ryan pulls another stunt like that, he'll "need a much better lawyer than [Sandy] to get him out of it." She welcomes Ryan to the Harbor School and adds, "I'll be watching you."

As Dr. Kim heads back into her Den, Sandy puts his arm around Ryan, while Seth does the kind of arm-shaking gesture one would expect to see at a revival. He punctuates it with a feisty "Arrr!" The three walk away together, and Sandy jokes, "You thought Julie was tough!" Seth mentions that Ryan will need his picture taken now, and Sandy is quick to whip out his ID card. Seth looks at it, groans, and declares, "Those eyebrows are out of control!" Sandy tells him that they are a sign of power, and Seth concludes, "Well then you must be the most powerful man in the world." Sandy cutely tells Seth to "brace [him]self" because "it's genetic." Aw. Maybe in an upcoming episode they'll do that thing where they flash to the future and all the characters have aged and Seth will have a couple of hairy black caterpillars taped above his eyes. As they continue to walk and joke and laugh, the camera pulls back and happy music about "singing a new song now" plays. We fade. Aw.

The announcer tells us to stay tuned for the O.C. He's all creepy with the "comin' up!"

So, week: Seth and Summer exchange wistful glances. Anna Stern is back and telling Seth he's "such a boy." What would she rather he be? At the new firm, Sandy has to take on Kirsten's father's company, which was bound to happen some time. And there's a first kiss on a ferris wheel!