Warning: Adult language and a very, very brief glimpse of Baldwin's ass. Will it be worth the wait? You decide. It's at the very end of the episode. Just wait for it. Or rush right to the last paragraph. Either one.
Previously on NYPD Blue, Baldwin meets Nicole, the determined hussy -- I mean reporter -- staking out Pete McGreeney's house. Later, she clumsily attempts to seduce him, saying, "Would it be easier to get you into bed if I told you I was a sister?" You mean, lie? Sure, tell him you're gorgeous and talented too, maybe that'll work.
Boom boom go the drums, flap flap go the gritty gritty pigeons, and we land in the weight room in the station house. There's Baldwin pumpingum, iron. In sashays stupid Nicole. "I should have known you were telling the truth about working out before your shift starts. And here I am just getting home." Ugh, you smell. She sits to him on the weight bench and they don't look at each other. "Someone does me a favor, and I'm not comfortable unless I go to bed with them." Well, then that makes you a slut, right? Or at the very least, slutty. Baldwin's not interested in not-nice girls. Now leave. Baldwin makes a shocked-face and says, "It's nice to know there are still grateful journalists out there." Yeah, yeah. The Pete McGreeney story was the biggest in Nicole's career, and she's grateful, AND she wants to do Baldwin. "You're offering me thank-you sex after you've been out all night working on a story, more or less?" SAY NO, Baldwin. Here on the boards there are plenty of people willing to do you just for being YOU. Stupid Nicole says, "I told you I was a sister to make you happy - do you want me to tell you I'm a virgin too?" I hate Nicole. Baldwin's beeper goes off and Nicole starts singing the theme song to Saved By The Bell. Loser. Baldwin says, "Wanna hear something weird? I LIKE YOU." Oh, no, no, NO! You can't, you mustn't! Don't get naked with this skeezer! He offers to call her and get dinner and Nicole closes her legs and sits up, muttering, "That's one way to go about it. Cool." Baldwin says, "Bet." She moves to touch him but he gets up and she only touches air. Let's hope the scene-with-nudity goes the same way. As Baldwin walks out of the weight room Nicole yells, "Do you thank God every day for the way you look?" What a terrible line. May I suggest a few? How about, "Are those space pants you're wearing? Because your ass looks out of this world." There's also, "Are you as beautiful as you look?" A stumper, because it's about INNER beauty, see? Makes you think. Baldwin says in retort, "I thank Him everyday I wake up." Yeah, you godless hussy! I hate Nicole.
Whoosh! Bloosh! Hold on, Baldwin's naked ass is coming!
A dead lady is lying in the gritty, gritty alleyway, surrounded by trash bags and cops. The Blue cops squat around the dead lady and describe the details: Semen on her face and hair, panties duct-taped around her ankles. She was a dump job, but still alive when brought to the alley. Sip growls, "That prick." He means the rapist/killer.
Station house. A classy-looking older man walks in and addresses John. "'Ello." Hey! He's ENGLISH! Or should I say "Oi!" A retired, "off-the-job" policeman, Jimmy Cheedam. Apparently, the DOA in the alley is very similar to a murder in the 25th Precinct that happened on April 19th, and Cheedam is on the case. Sip and Ricky come in and say, "How's it going." Cheedam replies, "Ow's it going." They're gonna get along great. Sip's like, "Where you from, England?" Jimmy perks up, "London, right." Okay, we get it, he's English. He also knows the duct-tape-panty-rapist-killer, get to that. Cheedam thinks the killer will strike again; three victims is his pattern, "the twisted sod. Then he rests. He's already killed six in London and three in Manchester." The killer's name is Andrew Conover, and Cheedam followed him over here to the states. The cop Cheedam talked with in the 25th, Lou Simpkins, "Gave me a rub-up and sent me on my way." Sip translates for Ricky: "Hand job." Cheedam also knows Conover is working as an embalmer. Creepy! Then Sip, master of subtlety, offers Cheedam some tea. Cheedam, my new best friend, says, "Must I?" Hee. Sip says no, then adds inexplicably, "My partner drank tea. He passed away last year. Earl Gray." Cheedam just looks at him. "That was the brand." Quick, what's Cockney for "Duh?"
Ricky and Sip are peeing side by side...in the bathroom, of course. Ally runs in and yells at them for daring to say she looks too thin. Boy, this show is gritty. They agree that Cheedam is "a nice enough guy," and that "He feels the DOAs are on him."
After washing up, they cone out into the office. Di is riffling through Ricky's desk. Oh, hey, hi, how's it going. Have you met Jimmy Cheedam? Oh yeah, he seems nice. English, right? "He's lying down upstairs." Is that supposed to be some reference to Upstairs, Downstairs? I know it isn't. Sip bites his knuckle when he hears Cheedam is -- gasp! -- lying down! Do think we're supposed to care about this guy? Oh, and Di looked through Ricky's notebook and saw the name Robert Zisk -- what's up with that? Um, he's the mortician that hired the rapist-murder, Conover. Di "collared him for dickie-waving." Sip suggests Di interview him, "since he showed her his joint," and runs off to go check on good-old-Jimmy Cheedam. Ricky hopes Di's "rummaging in (his) notebook was an isolated incident." Suuuure, it was.
Jimmy's upstairs, resting, if resting means looking ill and uncomfortable. Sip knocks and enters. "Ow's it going, I can't nap, if I do I'll never adjust to the time change." Oh, and he has a female friend visiting that's volunteered to help entrap Conover. Since she's not a cop she can do things outside of and above the law. Cool! Sip offers aspirin, Cheedam says he has ibuprofen. "And Andy -- keep it to yourself." Sip closes the door and the sad keyboards start up. Again, do you think we're supposed to have sympathy for Jimmy Cheedam?