A HUGE shout-out to Wing Chun and everyone on the boards; sorry this is so late, guys. Thanks for hanging in and not complaining.
Another warning opens the show; not for nudity though. Rats. Where's that famous "Blue Moon"?
"Previously" on the show: Kirky used Jill's apartment to meet Don, fugitive and huge ass; Don the vile fugitive, STOLE BOBBY'S RING from Di's place; Kirky said, of the fleeing Don, "I feel he's out of my life"; and Denby, alkie cop, found Don's charred body in a dumpster, along with Bobby's ring, which Di promptly grabbed. Whew!
After the keyboards and drums get down and gritty as they do on Blue, we land right in the middle of a -- gasp -- crime scene with a -- hold on now -- dead body. Boy, police work never changes, does it? Medavoy comes up with Ricky and Sip, complaining that he's "a solo act" now that Martinez is off the show. Sip remarks that Medavoy looks like "ham without cheese." Hee hee! Medavoy says that he's a "solo act" AGAIN, and then they finally get to work looking at the body, shot and mugged right outside a drug store. The drug store shop-lady says she "didn't see anything." Thanks a lot, lady! Ricky dismisses her and she apologizes, crossing herself as she exits. Sip goes through the body's pockets; we get a nice shot of the gunshot wound, and we get a name for the body (Francis Xavier Collins), and wham! Sip discovers the DOA is a COP! Oh no! The rules change! Sip yells at the uniformed cop standing nearby, who then mumbles in protest that they aren't SUPPOSED to go through the pockets: "If we go through the pockets they break our balls." Oh, boo hoo, Uniform. Sip looks very grim and says, "I had a quarter feeling this was a cop." SURE you did.
Woosh! Bloosh! The drums pound and the keyboards wail! But wait! What's this? Hey! A NEW GUY in the credits! The very handsome Henry Simmons! Welcome! Boom boom boom go the drums!
After some gritty street scenes, we arrive at the office where Kirky is still stuck on Don, fishing for info from Di. Di's all like um, er...she knows Don has bit the big one. I could not be happier about this fact. But since Di is all sensitive and cares about her friend, she feels bad. Kirky says, all sad, "I assume Don has made it out of town or he would have reached out for more money." Di's all like, yeah...heh. Kirky looks up from her navel to comment, "Oh, you're wearing Bobby's ring. I never saw you do that before." Di's like, yup. Ooh, is that the phone? Hello?
In walks the handsome new guy. Helloo, handsome. He speaks to John! That is, he asks for Fancy and gets directed to his office. John cranes his neck watching the new guy go. Don't hurt yourself!
In his office, Fancy's on the phone learning about the DOA off-duty cop. New Guy introduces himself: Baldwin Jones. Good to meet you, Baldwin. Fancy missed the call about Baldwin being transferred over from the Bias Incident Investigations Unit. Hmm. Anyways...
Sip, Ricky and Medavoy come in and fill in some detail on the DOA cop. They're tracking down his wife now. Sip thinks some skel did it. More psychic power, Sip? Fancy introduces Baldwin to everyone. Baldwin tells Sip that Joe Pevelka says hello. Di and Kirky come up, get introduced, and hand over a phoned-in tip about the DOA cop: He was having an affair with his partner. Oh my! Spicy! Sip and Ricky have to interview the wife now, because she probably "won't want to talk with female detectives." Baldwin looks away (to roll his eyes at the sexism, I hope) and Sip's all gruff with him: "Are we boring you?" Well, a little. Fancy pairs Baldwin up with Greg, and Greg starts doing cartwheels. Yay! He's no longer a solo act! That didn't take long.
Back at their desks, Sip and Ricky have a little chat about Baldwin. Sip's figured out that Baldwin's from the Bias Unit: "Every word that comes outta your mouth you'll have to dry-clean. Fruit, chink, wop. Get it all out of your system now." Ricky says he did over his breakfast cereal. Hee.
Medavoy is showing Baldwin his new desk. It used to be Martinez's desk. Aww. Baldwin sits down and Greg says, "Fits you good!" Then Greg, sounding just like Linda Richman in Coffee Talk, starts going off about how he has cousins in Baldwin, Long Island. Baldwin says he was named for the writer, James Baldwin. Ah, says Greg, The Invisible Man! Nope, that's Ralph Ellison, says Baldwin. Greg searches some more in his head and recalls Go Tell it on the Mountain. Baldwin looks impressed until Greg said he remembers the title because his wife took a course and had the book stacked up in a pile on their dresser. Ahem. Baldwin asks if they can get to the police work soon and Greg says yes. Baldwin adds that he likes to be called "D," and Greg says he likes to go by Greg. Okay then. As they leave together, Greg struts out like he's George Jefferson and says "See ya, guys!" to Ricky and Sip. Ricky asks, "Was Greg stylin'?" Uh, NO.
As he and Greg exit, Baldwin SHAKES JOHN'S HAND, introduces himself, and apologizes for not saying hi when he came in. Baldwin was NERVOUS! John, stammering, introduces himself and then collapses in a heap on his desk. A kind gesture for John! It's a banner day!
In walks JB, the loser skel who rats for Ricky. He grabs his crotch, asks John how it's working and sits himself down at Ricky's desk as if he belongs there. Ricky says that JB is "disrespectful" and tells him to stand. JB makes a "may I?" gesture and asks, "Con permissimo?" Still negative on that one, good buddy. Then JB says he knows something about the DOA cop -- that it may have something to do with one Jimmy Ippolito. Ricky knows Jimmy as a "junkie" and doubts JB's motives. JB thinks Ricky should "just leave it to my wily ways." Ricky asks, "Are you high right now, JB?" JB is taken aback and asks whether Ricky's been to "morals class." No, but his eyes work! "You let your jones lead you in here lying, JB. Beat it. Walk out and don't come back in until you get straight " Go Ricky! JB is all upset at being dismissed and starts ranting. "Cut [me] some slack...you got your values upside down!" Sip looks at Ricky in glowering agreement with JB. Ricky remembers the DOA cop and takes a few paper clips to stick in his pocket. Freak.
After a wicked keyboard solo, we arrive back at the station house. Sip, Ricky and Fancy are listening to the anonymous phone tip about the DOA cop having an affair with his partner. "Look at that part of his death," says the unidentified caller. Fancy thinks they should look at the partner's jealous boyfriend, or the angry wife, as suspects. Sip says they shouldn't rule out "those two fruits in Las Vegas with the tigers." Ah yes, Siegfried and Roy are guilty...of producing fine family entertainment!
The DOA cop's partner comes in. She's a lady! Sip notes the "shifty look about her." Hey baldy, you invented looking shifty, so if I were you, I wouldn't talk. Fancy's phone rings as they leave to talk to her. It's Baldwin's old boss. Fancy grits his teeth for some reason. Maybe they don't get along?
Sip and Ricky take Lisa, the besotted partner, into the coffee room. Lisa is salty, and I like it. She pours herself a cup of nasty office coffee and asks, "You guys got a direction here?" There's an uncomfortable silence as Sip and Ricky start to ask about her boning her partner: "Was he in any situation that might make him vunerable? Any family problems?" Lisa starts getting steamed and says, "He LOVED his family. I didn't quiz him on his family relations." Sip starts getting irate at Lisa's terse replies and she yells, "SCREW YOU! I'm a little upset here. My partner got killed, all right asshole?" Wow, Lisa's got some backbone! She gets up and tells Ricky, "No more questions from that guy. I'm about to be out of here." Sip is like, "I'm not hearing a yes or no." Then they ask about her boyfriend, Jack Gorman, and Lisa calls Sip a "prick" TWICE and throws her coffee on him and leaves! Was John taking notes during that scene? I hope so.
After some street scenes accompanied by that funky keyboard, we see Fancy heading into Baldwin's old boss's office. Fancy and this guy HATE each other -- I can tell. Fancy, baring his teeth, asks why he didn't get the courtesy of a phone call about Baldwin's transfer, and the old boss, bristling, says Baldwin wasn't a "good fit." Then he asks about that "racist prick" Sipowicz, adding that "he has you to thank...we all have [Fancy] to thank" for Sip's staying on the job. Then the old boss says he's very busy and Fancy grabs his coat and leaves. What's the back story THERE? I honestly don't know.
Now we get a lovely montage sequence of the Blue cops sweeping the streets (get it? SWEEPS!) looking for the person responsible for the dead cop. Look, there's Kirky and Di harassing hookers! And the new guy, Baldwin, breaking a thug's knife and kicking him in the butt while Greg takes his name! Work it guys! Earn your money!
Back in the office bathroom, Sip and Ricky are giving a still-peeved Fancy NO privacy as they tell him how it went with the lady partner. Fancy suggests they look at her boyfriend for a jealousy motive. Then he adds, "Duh." John comes in and says the wife of the DOA cop is here, and Sip starts yelling at John because everything is John's fault, not. John has the wherewithal to come in and shut the door so Mrs. DOA Cop doesn't overhear and Sip just lets John have it. As he leaves, Sip says, "He looks like he's on one of those carnival torture wheels where guys throw daggers at you." And that would make you a dagger-thrower, Sip! Fancy snaps at Sip, and Ricky reminds Sip to "breathe." Sip looks at Ricky darkly and says, "I don't do that stuff." Well, START.
Mrs. DOA Cop is nice enough, if depressed, which is normal. After she hears "sorry for your loss" twice, she says, "I know you have to." Then she says that, even though she knew about the affair, and her husband's "loss of control," the partner "was not selfish -- she was sorry." So, that's two people that think the affair had nothing to do with the murder. After she leaves, Sip, glowering says, "The day female cops got assigned to ride in squad cars, wives demonstrated." Ricky adds, "I doubt it was the day men invented cheating." GO RICKY!
Another montage sequence of Blue cops shaking down every skel in the big bad city of New York; we see Baldwin throw a guy about ten feet up a wall. Greg gives him the thumbs-up. All this is set to a dirty slide guitar.
Boom boom go the drums, and we're back in the office. The skel Baldwin threw against the wall is looking at the fish tank. Sip says, "Don't tap the tank," and skel says he wasn't, and Sip says he was thinking about it. Mom? Is that you? I hear you, but I only see Sip! In Fancy's office, Greg says that this skel has an idea who killed the cop -- some weirdo drug customer of his. Greg grabs the skel and says, "Let's get you into something unrecognizable." The skel is like, anything but that shirt Sip has on. Sip's like, what's wrong with my shirt, and the skel says he'd rather throw himself under the A train than wear a shirt like that. John leaps to Sip's defense and says, "I think that's one of your nicest patterns." Hee hee. Sip, to divert himself, says "How" to an American Indian-looking skel and makes a war-whoop gesture to Ricky. Oh boy.
In a bar, Baldwin comes in and starts cracking skulls. One feisty guy has the nerve to complain, saying, "Cops come in here and ruin my DRANKIN'." Hee. Then, Greg drags in the skel with a paper bag over his head! The feisty guy points out, "It's the Unknown Comic!" Then the bagged skel points out a raggedy bar patron and he is promptly arrested. Ah, swift justice. The feisty guy is like, "They arrest my brother in the raggedy hood, and windbreaker," and Baldwin suggests he himself look in the mirror. The feisty guy does and pronounces himself to be "fine." All right then.
Back at the station, Di asks Andy for a minute. She takes him into the women's locker room and he starts poking around, all nosey. Then Fish comes out and asks for a "moment." Kidding. Should Di tell Kirky about Don, dead in the dumpster? Sip asks what it would do to her if she didn't tell Kirky, adding, "Everything would remind me of the secret." Di says thanks. I think telling her would be some closure, which I really, REALLY need on this storyline already. Okay? So just tell her and that will be the true END of Don and all his horrible, weasely ways, okay? OKAY.
In walks the boyfriend cop of the besotted partner who lost HER partner. Ricky asks, "Heard about the cop homicide?" Yeah, who hasn't, but they'll never kill Mumia. Too much publicity. Oh wait, you mean on the show! Yeah. The boyfriend cop is reticent and Sip resents that. The boyfriend cop has a night job and broke up with the lady partner four months ago. So, HE doesn't look good for the cop homicide either. That makes three people called in for no good reason. Sip says, "Totally blind alley." Totally, dude.
Greg and "D" come in with the raggedy bar guy. D drags him into the pokey and Fancy and Greg decide to let him do the interview, "to see what kind of chops he's got." Screw chops, I want to see what kind of ASS he's got! We can use a new postcard on Mighty Big TV! Then D comes back and asks how they're going to run things, and Greg says AGAIN that D will do the interview "to see what kind of chops he's got." Heard ya the first time! Sip and Ricky take a look at each other, grab some popcorn and run to watch from behind the two-way mirror thing.
Baldwin comes into the pokey, lets Darnell the skel out, and puffs up three times his normal size. You know, to intimidate him. Then he starts speaking: "You shot a cop, Darnell." Darnell denies it. This goes back and forth for a while until Darnell yells, "Is that my act? How much money was taken from this guy?" Then, POW! Baldwin hauls off and cold-cocks the guy! A little police brutality! Just like in the old days...last week on NYPD Blue. And in real life too! Juries won't even convict cops that MURDER people! But people that murder COPS? Now THOSE are the REAL bad guys. Darnell is so impressed with this brutality that he confesses; it WAS him who shot the cop. The end. Just kidding! Greg says, "You killed a cop without remorse or explanation; you're a dead man." Thanks for spelling that out, Greg. Then Darnell says it was the gun; it went off accidentally as he was cocking it. Baldwin asks him to produce the gun so they can check that. Ricky says from behind the glass, "Nice interview." Sip comments on D's left hook. Whatever.
Later, in the office locker room, Baldwin is getting ready to go jogging. Greg comes in and starts blabbing about how he got typewriter ribbon on his hands. Geek. Baldwin takes off his shirt and -- oh baby! -- he's built like a brick HOUSE. He's mighty mighty! Letting it all hang out! Greg turns away, dazzled, and says, "You're a growing boy." His eyes work. Then Greg says he feels they "worked good together," and they pat each other. Aww!
As they leave, they run into Fancy, also on his way out. D asks for a moment. On the steps, the two talk. "I caught up with the Lieutenant," namely Baldwin's old boss. Baldwin, all innocent, asks, "Did I have something to do with him not calling?" Aww. No, it's some old, unfinished business between Fancy and the Old Lieutenant. "It was his way of saying that I'm not on the team," says Fancy. Baldwin looks at Fancy like a puppy looks at its new owner and says, "Goodnight." Fancy says they can walk down the stairs together and Baldwin's all like, RIGHT, I forgot, and off they go.
Ricky and Sip are type type typing away at their reports. Ricky wonders who the guy on the 911 call was. They don't know. Then Ricky says, "The new guy is good," and Sip makes fun of his name, saying his mom must have set him up for "a childhood full of fistfights." Wow, that's almost poetic, can I steal that? Then Sip goes, "Baldwin, old Baldwin." What a child.
Then, in walks the lady partner. She's much more subdued now; way less salty. She asks, "Collared up okay?" Yeah. "Nothing's going in..." says Ricky of their DOA Cop report. Sip apologizes if the interview had "a certain tone." Then the lady cop says she feels the DOA Cop was "punished for what I made him do," and Ricky and Sip assure her that the wife bore her no ill will, and neither did her old boyfriend. Then, as she leaves, Sip (in a rare moment of kindness) says, "Sorry for your loss." She pauses, but doesn't acknowledge him. Aww.
Di comes in and asks for a moment with Kirky alone. Whatever you think, they are NEVER going to hook up. So quit it. When alone, Di asks Kirky if there would be any point, knowing the life Don was living, in knowing the details of what horrible thing happened to him. Kirky instantly starts crying and they hug. As Kirky leaves, she leans her head on the doorframe, totally grief stricken. As usual. Now, I know Kirky is sad about this, but can this PLEASE be the end of Don? I NEVER want to hear about this jerk again. THANK YOU. Then there's this whole long moment where Kirky slowly walks over and sits at her desk and is grieving, and Di just leaves the office. The music is very Twin Peaks-y. And that's it! The end of Don, and us ever hearing about it! Whew!