It's the holidays, and PC is of the opinion that "no one on the Upper East Side stays in New York." That's a good tip for all you budding cat burglars right there. PC is going to Mexico with his friend JP. He's looking forward to lying down on the beach and not thinking, as he explains to Jessie and Zoe. He's looking forward to not thinking about school or work, which would be more interesting as a plot point if we had seen anyone on this show give more than a cursory mention of school or work to begin with. Anyway, PC's not the only one leaving town; Jessie is going to Palm Beach, and she'll be staying at a hotel she mentions several times by name. I'm going to see if I can resist the product placement. And Zoe is going skiing, but she seems utterly consumed by ennui about the whole thing. Jessie gets up and tells the help to go walk the dog.
Taylor and Camille are at some kind of make-your-own truffle stand, where you can specify your precise mix of dark and milk chocolate. Swanky! Camille is staying in New York "because I've got a lot of studying to do." See, that's why I like Camille; she'll at least mention that school is sort of important. Taylor is going on about Cole and Sebastian, and Camille tries to help her come to a decision by asking probing questions like "Which one is hotter?" and "Which one are you cuter with?" It doesn't help as much as you'd think. Taylor interviews that Camille might not be the best person to help her with this question "because I don't think she'll ever find a guy that she likes." Taylor wants to know what's up with Kelli, who is off in the Hamptons. What? With her parents? That's just crazy. Camille suggests that Taylor, Cole, Sebastian and Kelli all go out, but she's probably just trying to generate some easy entertainment for herself.
Kelli arrives home at her parents' enormous house in West Hampton. I just put the "west" in there because the show told me to. I wouldn't know a Hampton if I tripped over it. We're introduced to Kelli's sister Chelsea, who stays at home because she has cerebral palsy. So "being 16" isn't a good enough reason not to have your own apartment in New York, but "having cerebral palsy" is. Got it! At the family meal, Kelli tells a story about waking up and seeing hardcore porn on the movie channel, then realizes that her parents aren't really enjoying the story. Smooth! And speaking of "smooth", Sebastian will be joining Kelli at the homestead. He says her house is like a museum, and it totally is. It's not fancy enough that they have a billard room, but the pool table felt is yellow. I don't know if you realize this, but it's considered extremely classy to have a pool table with felt in colors other than green.
Sebastian and Kelli play pool. Neither of them are good at it, which disappoints Kelli. She had been hoping that a guy with floppy hair would naturally be good at pool. So they quit! After reconvening in a different room, Kelli explains that her family observes Hanukkah ("All seven days?" asks Sebastian, who is unabashed to learn it's actually eight) and usually goes to a movie on Christmas Eve. Kelli admits that she wants a Christmas tree, which is understandable. They're pretty sweet. Kelli's mother walks in carrying a small white dog. Kelli lists the things wrong with the dog, which apparently require steroid shots and acupuncture. Well, I can see why Kelli's mother was carrying it, then! Oh, and there's the usual blather about how Sebastian likes both Kelli and Taylor and Kelli likes Sebastian blah blah blah.
Cancun! PC and JP! They met in boarding school and "have an amazing time". PC tells us that they reminisce a lot. He also tells us that the only Mexicans he knows in New York are "like, delivery guys". I'm not even going to bother with that one.
Palm Beach! Jessie and her friend Kim laugh in horror at someone honking at them. That guy's "like, 30!" I watched a movie last weekend where James Cagney (whose character was 34) spent a lot of the movie hitting on someone who was 19. You don't see that much anymore.
Okay, I don't want to make too big a deal out of these kids saying "like" a lot. They'll grow out of it. But check out this speech by Jessie: "Like, what I'm worried about is like, in high school, like, you know, like, how everyone, like, knows you, like, not to be, like, a bitch, but, like, you go to a party and, like, you see all your friends, and, like, in college, like..." That's out of hand right there. I think what she's saying is that she's worried about losing contact with her friends from high school. Kim teases Jessie about how she should be dating PC. She believes the fighting is just unresolved sexual tension. She also believes that guys and girls cannot just be friends, which means that she's learned everything she needs to know about life from When Harry Met Sally. Jessie claims that she doesn't even know if she likes PC, because she hasn't thought about it. That seems like an obvious lie, doesn't it?
PC and JP are at Señor Frog's, which is a loud, hideous tourist trap full of shouting and tequila poppers. PC is accosted by a drunk woman who wants to dance with him and will not take "No" for an answer. She also won't take "Honestly, I'm gonna break this [bottle] over your face" for an answer, which is what PC describes as telling someone "politely" to go away. PC also gets all huffy about being offered Jäger bombs, which he feels is something only someone from New Jersey would drink. Man, you're at Señor Frog's in Cancun; there is literally no way to pretend that you're classy and above it all. Finally, PC accepts the fact that he's in a place where people will put giant rainbow-colored sombreros on your head and settles down to some serious drinking. PC and the producers of NYC Prep would like to remind you that the drinking age in Mexico is 18, so this is perfectly legal. PC dances with a heavyset blonde woman for awhile.
New York! Sebastian and Taylor meet up in a light snow. Taylor tells us that Camille told her she had to see both guys, which I think is a bad idea for Taylor. Not that she shouldn't make up her mind between Sebastian and Cole, but I think Camille is just giving advice that will lead to the maximum entertainment for Camille, and Taylor's long-term romantic happiness is a distant second on the list. Anyway, Sebastian has brought Taylor a soccer ball in case she wants to play soccer in the snow. What? That makes no sense. Sebastian tries to rebound from Taylor's complete disinterest in the soccer ball by asking if she's ever had a dog. Yes, two, and they died. up, Sebastian asks about Cole. Why "Maybe I'm jealous, I dunno." Man, this kid is dull. Pick up the pace, floppy-hair. Camille gets a quarter of your screen time, but she's far more interesting. Taylor, it should be noted, does not share my opinion, because Sebastian is a prep school kid with a lot of money, and (all together now) he'd be good for her social status. I don't think he would, actually. Taylor actually asks Sebastian what's going on here and he's obviously unwilling to commit to a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. He interviews that he thought it was "gonna be just a hookup" (whatever he means by that) but maybe Taylor could mean more than that.
Palm Beach! Jessie's on the beach, calling PC but getting his voicemail. Jessie complains that PC should answer when she calls him at 3:00 PM. Well, Cancun's an hour before Palm Beach, but that probably doesn't matter that much.
Cancun! PC and JP hang out and get sun. They're covered in sand, and PC won't shut up about how he doesn't want to think about New York. PC explains that he and JP are best friends and for the first time in my life I have to type the word "bromance". Two girls sit to them, and JP cheerfully tells them that PC is bisexual. PC seems a little perplexed by this but plays along, saying "Let's get some ass. Literally." Smooth. JP tells the girls that he, JP, is completely straight. I think JP learned all he needed to know about the world from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Hamptons! Kelli tells us that there is a death in the family. It's Lily, the dog we saw earlier. Aww! Poor doggie! Kelli and her parents commiserate about Lily and her mom wants to have a proper ceremony where each person will stand up and talk about Lily. Kelli's not into it.
Camille is studying (I guess; really, she's just using her laptop, but there are legitimate uses for these things, you know) when Hitha, a professional stylist, comes over to help her clean out her closet. Apparently Camille isn't allowed new clothes until she gets rid of some old clothes. Not a bad rule. So Hitha goes through Camille's stuff, cheerfully making fun of things (one T-shirt that appears to have a picture of a summer camp group including Camille draws the comment "Can't you get this picture via Facebook?") and Hitha is quick to mock the claim that something is a "vintage sweater from the Nineties". Hitha is a little more aggressive that Camille wants to be. When Hitha derides something as being "not even fashion forward", Camille says it's still a nice shirt. Hitha insists that one dress is from two seasons ago and must be tossed but Camille refuses to allow it because she doesn't care if it's from last season. Now Camille goes passive-aggressive, telling a story about how "I went through my closet this one time with someone and she was a little abrasive. I think it just gave her some pride to just be like 'I'm going through your closet. I'm better than you. Whoo-hoo!' And I was like, 'Okay. Awesome.'" Hitha looks annoyed. I can see why. Camile's position is that expensive nice clothes don't need to be thrown out just because they're from a couple seasons ago.
Hamptons! We're going to a dog funeral. Kelli's mom talks about how Lily's spirit will be with them, and Kelli freaks out when the car gets to the cemetery. Kelli is coaxed out of the car and stands sadly as Lily's coffin is lowered into the grave. Kelli doesn't speak at the burial because she's overwhelmed. That'll happen, I guess.
Cancun! Bikinis! PC gets a call from Jessie, which he takes while sitting in a chaise langue in the pool. Swanky! He tells Jessie the reason he hasn't called her is that he's been really busy. He also says that all he's been doing is "relaxing". Somewhat inconsistent. He looks really annoyed and gets off the phone as quickly as possible. Then he's out drinking again, and it's another horrible loud place. PC and JP are quickly accosted by a couple of chicks, and JP leaves PC alone with them. They do not endear themselves to PC by asking if he's from Kansas. Kansas! The very idea makes PC give the kind of full-body eyeroll you can only get away with when you're 18. He explains that the reason he was a dismissive jerk to them is that they were from Texas. Outside the club, JP and PC have a slurred, stupid discussion about them.
Special midcommercial content! What the? Okay, now Camille, Camille's sister, and Camille's mother are taking a class in making gingerbread houses. Camille is very competitive about it. It makes no sense and is over quickly.
Back in New York! Taylor is shoeless in the hallways, which is because she has a gymnastics meet. She bumps into Cole's brother and his buddy. They demand to know what's up with her and Cole and claim to "hear things" about Sebastian. They appear to mostly be kidding around, but I'm distracted by the way they're both two feet taller than Taylor.
PC is in Jessie's place poking at her stuffed animals and making fun of them. Jessie grills him about what happened in Mexico and he denies the existence of naked girls or wet T-shirt contests. He assures her that he wouldn't go to "that kind of place", but I assure you that Señor Frog's is exactly that kind of place. PC tells us (for the second time) that Jessie isn't his girlfriend and he doesn't understand why she's checking on him. This show has a real problem with reusing soundbites, because this is not the first episode where the same clip has been used in multiple scenes. Jessie tells PC that her friend Kim thinks they should be a couple. This is called "testing the waters". PC interviews that he could date Jessie, but then again, he could also date a chimp. Then he realizes what he said (for the first time ever) and desperately backs out of that analogy. Jessie and PC attempt to parse the difference between "dating" and "best friends".
Sebastian is at a restaurant with his father. Sebastian is even more mumbly than usual. He's not interested in describing his hookups. His father counsels him to "keep up the schoolwork".
Taylor's gymnastic meet. Their cheer is "Felines! Rawr!" I shall leave it to you to guess what hand gesture accompanies "Rawr!" Cole shows up to watch, which Taylor finds awkward. However, she does give him a hug. Taylor's floor exercise is a little weird because there's this generic music playing over it, which ruins the effect of the dancy parts. The team gathers around for some kind of incomprehensible discussion of the scoring, and I notice that about half the team has their faces blurred out. Cole and Taylor go off to get some food.
Taylor and Cole are at "Zen Palate", which sounds too easy to make fun of. Ah, it's a vegan place, which means that Taylor can order anything on the menu. Exciting! Cole grills her for information about Sebastian and explains that what she should do is go out with him, Cole, instead. Reason 1: He compromises, as you can see by the fact that they're not at McDonald's right now. Reason 2: She likes his friends. Reason 3: He supports her. Was Sebastian at the gymnastics thing? No, he was not. Cole asks her what's happening her and will not accept "What do you think?" as an answer. He suggests that she call Sebastian and tell him to never contact her again. Cole's got a plan! However, Taylor won't shut up about her "social status." I kinda like Cole. He's got a goal and a plan for achieving it.
episode: a variety of silly hats!
Oh! And now there's an ad for MADD saying "Resist the pressure to drink". Well, that'll totally work! Everyone will have completely forgotten the many, many scenes of PC drinking and having a good time because you just said to resist the pressure to drink. I'm getting mixed messages. Luckily, I don't like drinking. That makes it easier.
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