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So, I have to admit that when this episode began, I became concerned that the reunion of Rayna and Deacon was just going to be boring and that my entire investment in their relationship had been based solely on their mutual tortured yearning. Not so! They continue to torture each other, but ALSO be awesome together because: true love. So shut up, everybody else who thinks that their getting together is a bad idea. It is the best… at least until it becomes the worst again.
But I am getting ahead of myself! Rayna and Juliette are both nominated for Female Vocalist of the Year at the Country Music Awards, and Juliette REALLY wants to win. Bobble head dolls are involved. She also REALLY wants to drink, and to make sure that the woeful tale of Dante stealing half a million dollars and more than half her heart never gets out. Her ability to barely keep it together is shattered when she learns that Dante used her credit cards to buy an engagement ring (presumably not for her), and she switches from celebratory mimosas to sad-times vodka. Not good.
Deacon and Rayna are all happy about their reunion until everyone else starts psyching them out. As I said before: shut up, everybody else. First Tandy says that Rayna and Deacon are all or nothing and should clarify if they actually want a relationship or not, because this whole thing could implode rather quickly. Then Cole thinks that Deacon should get back with Stacey since Rayna only messes with his mind. And then Teddy (who is already feeling sensitive about the fact that Maddie doesn't want to go to her school's father-daughter dance with him) freaks out when Rayna tells him that she and Deacon are maybe back on. He tells her to break it off before she spills the guilt-ridden beans about Maddie's true paternity. Which, to his credit, almost happens, like, 15 times in the episode.
Speaking of Coleman, he tells Tandy he's not willing to play dirty with her to take Teddy down, and then resigns as deputy mayor because of Teddy's dickishness and penchant for poor decisions. Cole's wife thinks he's just staying out of the fray so he can take over after Teddy's inevitable downfall, but wouldn't it be more strategic to stay as deputy mayor in that case? And why am I even wasting time thinking about the dull political subplots?
Back to Rayna and Deacon! They have a clandestine makeout session at the studio, which gets mildly tainted by her concern at kid-based logistics and her rather mundane superstar life. Deacon is totally down with spending wild evenings eating s'mores and watching chick flicks, and makes it clear to Rayna that he's not looking for a way out. Neither is she, though she does want to take it slow. And then they make out some more, and everybody wins! Oh, except for Stacey. She shows up inside Deacon's house (which is why you never give the key!) and apologizes for overreacting about Rayna. She is surprised to learn that it was no overreaction and that he's kicking her to the curb. He does give her Sue as a consolation prize, though.
And then a lot goes down at the party Edgehill throws to celebrate Rayna and Juliette's CMA nominations. First the two divas have to pretend to like each other, which is always amusing. Rayna and Deacon run into each other and she's a little weird, having come from the Teddy freakout conversation. Deacon knows she's hiding something and she doesn't want to tell him what it is, and as if things aren't tense enough already Juliette shows up drunkenly screaming. Deacon quits on the spot and goes outside to honk his horn in rage, and Juliette needs a pinch fill-in for her performance at the party. Avery steps up and does a competent job on lead guitar as she gets drunker. He manages not to bang her even when she wants to and generally looks nervous the entire episode.
Rayna runs into Scarlett (accompanied by master networker Will, since Gunnar is off recording a demo and pretending Jason's songs are his own and generally being a huge dick), then is shipped off in a limo by Tandy, who reiterates Teddy's demand to stay off the Maury show and keep mum about Maddie's paternity. And then Deacon jumps in the limo and you think he'd still be upset about the fact that Rayna's hiding something, but in fact he says it doesn't matter. Because: true love. So she can tell him or not tell him and that it's all fine with freakin' Deacon. Allegedly. They go back to his place and sing duets on the couch while she wears his shirt with no pants. Could anything be better? Possibly this exact moment not tainted by the guilt of a 14-year old secret.
Meanwhile, drunkerstein Juliette is taken home by her bodyguard and tucked in by Jolene, who knows a thing or two about sleeping one off. Just when you think these two might bond over their shared miserable experience, a phone call comes in from Dante. We see Juliette say, "What kind of tape?" That does not bode well.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Teddy felt strongly that Maddie was his daughter, no matter whose DNA she shared (not his). Gunnar took on a new, rougher image involving armpit sweat and his dead brother's lyrics and caught the attention of a producer. Rayna eschewed a bonefest in St. Lucia with Liam to show up on Deacon's door and tell him that she loved him. Bonefest ensued. You know you're having a good week when any decision you make results in a bonefest. Tandy proposed an alliance with Cole to take down Teddy, and cowboy neighbor Will put the moves on an unreceptive Gunnar. Finally, Dante stole half a million dollars from Juliette and skipped town with his actual girlfriend/partner in grifting. Oh, AND in fabulous news, Nashville has been renewed for a second season! HOORAY!
We enter with Juliette meeting with a bunch of suits in her new house -- you know, the one she bought from Dante's grifter girlfriend disguised as a real estate agent. This whole place has to burn down (with Dante inside) in a "Sunny Came Home" moment, right? I feel quite certain that Juliette also does not believe in transcendence. The suits are from a security firm, and Juliette hired them because she doesn't want the police involved. Nonetheless, they apparently think she should call the police, given that Dante stole $500,000. Juliette explains that she can make the half a million back in two nights. What she can't do is get her reputation (or what's left of it) back, and it will be totally ruined if word of this gets out. Dante also apparently took Juliette's credit cards. The accounts have been frozen, and the firm is tracing any charges that Dante made overnight. While Emily goes to answer the phone, Juliette reiterates that Dante means nothing to her, and the money means even less. She finally gets some good news when Emily tells her what the call was about -- she's been nominated for female vocalist of the year at the CMAs! Juliette is obviously pleased, and cites the award as further reason why the sad tale of how Dante swindled her with new agey talk and sexytimes can never get out.
You know who's having a much better morning? Rayna and Deacon. We join them in bed together, glowing from their reunion/bonefest the night before. They are so cute as they talk about how she steals the covers that it's actually a little disturbing. I've never seen them be in the same room together and not be at least a little bit tortured! They smooch and we get to see Deacon's hunky arms. They smooch some more, and she says she never wants to leave the bed. Deacon tells her it feels like she didn't. I mean, SOMEONE had to learn some new tricks over the past decade, right? What Rayna has not learned to do, apparently, is silence her phone. It's been ringing off the metaphorical hook. Deacon is like, "Do NOT answer the phone when I'm about to give you a morning sexytime, woman," and tells her he's been waiting 14 years for this so wants her all to himself. She's on board with this plan, until they both realize that it's Maddie on the line. She's called with news of Rayna's CMA nomination for female vocalist of the year. Rayna thinks this is, "Awesome!!!" Maddie adds that Juliette is nominated in the same category. Rayna thinks this is, "...awesome." Maddie wants to stay home from school to go dress shopping, but Rayna is all, "Not today! I'm busy boning your biological dad! Kthxbai!"
Rayna shares the nomination news with Deacon, noting that he made her forget all about awards and anything else not having to do with his manly arms. He says that she surprised the hell out of him last night. She replies that she surprised the hell out of herself. Though they probably don't care, I will also add that Rayna surprised the hell out of me. They stroke each others' faces and are about to bone again, when Bucky calls. Rayna declines his call, but can't resist taking one from Marshall. Put that thing on silent, woman! TURN IT OFF! If Rayna can't even silence her phone after reuniting with the true love of her life, from whom she's been torn asunder for fourteen years, maybe she actually IS as bad for him as everyone says. Things that make you go hmmmm.
At the Jaymes-Conrad manse, the girls are abuzz with news of Rayna's ninth CMA nomination. But what Teddy really wants to talk about is Maddie's father-daughter dance on Friday. She says she has a report due, but Daphne totally busts her by interjecting that she does not. In a moment alone with Maddie, Teddy notes that he knows they've been going through a rough time and she thinks he's responsible for it, but he doesn't want her to punish him by punishing herself. She doesn't have to dance with him, but can at least have some time to hang with her friends. Maddie says she'll think about it. This would be the perfect time for her to take a stance of solidarity with all the fatherless kids who think such a dance is exclusionary bullshit. Your parent can override you if you're being a brat, but it becomes more complicated if you're taking political action.
Back at the tree trunk, Scarlett gives Will coffee and notes that he might need something stronger for his hangover. He says that "back home" -- a godforsaken place to which I hope I am never forced go -- they drink "pellet tea" as a cure for headaches. He is talking about RABBIT PELLETS. Scarlett is like, "That's disgusting, but I can poop some out for you if you like!" Gunnar's rejection of Will probably had nothing to do with his strict heterosexuality, but rather was a reaction to Will's bunny-turd breath. What is WRONG with these hicks? Will asks Scarlett if Gunnar told her about their night. He did not, apparently, and I'm sure Will is thankful for that. Gunnar comes out and things get awkward, and Will is all, "We were so drunk I didn't know WHAT I was doing!" And I mean, alcohol DOES make you gay sometimes, though. Will deflects any questioning by noting that Gunnar was approached by a producer who wants to cut a demo of his new song. Scarlett wonders what new song, exactly, and wants to hear it. Gunnar says he can play it for her, but she probably won't like it since it's "not her thing." Strictly speaking, it's not his thing either. He continues to explore his newfound asshole-ish-ness by asking Will if he has someplace to be. Aw, poor Will. He exits and Scarlett wonders if she's witnessing the death of a bromance. Gunnar objects to this term, but Scarlett says that they spend so much time together they're like brothers. And then Gunnar gets all fussy about Will not being able to replace Jason, which is of course not what Scarlett was talking about. Go eat some rabbit poop and stop being so surly, dude!
Back at House of Lies, Juliette orders Emily to set up a meeting with Marshall to talk about putting together an extravagant and expensive CMA campaign. She wants the award something fierce. Jolene enters, happy to have heard the nomination news on the radio. Juliette has no time for pleasantries, and orders Emily to take Jolene's credit card. Fucking freeloader that she is, Jolene wonders if Juliette is cutting her off. Juliette explains that it's just a security precaution, and then explains about Dante. Jolene starts to make it all about her, saying that she feels responsible. Juliette doesn't want to hear it, and notes a) that Dante is dead to her; b) that Emily will get Jolene another credit card. Poor Juliette.
And then Rayna is at her own house. WHY would she ever leave Deacon's bed? Poor judgment all around for her this morning! Tandy shows up, having gotten a text from Rayna about some exciting news. That news is that, per their last conversation, Rayna has indeed taken up the slutty thing. But not with Liam! She reveals that she went to Deacon's house last night, and it was great. Tandy shows reserved sisterly constraint as she asks, "...How is it today?" The answer still is "great"! But also complicated. Tandy notes that it's always complicated with Rayna and Deacon. Rayna adds that finally after all these years she and Deacon can be together, but now the "stark realities" are hitting her. Tandy advises her not to borrow trouble, saying that it was a one-night fling. Oh, come on! She knows better than that, and so does Rayna. There is no such thing as a fling with Deacon, unless you are every other woman in the world except for Rayna. Tandy points out that Rayna just got out of a fourteen year marriage. With Rayna and Deacon it's always going to be all or nothing, and Tandy wonders if that's what Rayna wants. She also wonders if it's actually what Deacon wants. Oh my God, duh.
Cut to Deacon's house, where Cole is reading him the riot act out on the stoop. WHAT DOES EVERYONE HAVE AGAINST TRUE LOVE? God. Shut up everyone and let them make out for our enjoyment! Cole says that Deacon had a rock solid thing with Stacey, and he ruined it for one night with Rayna. Sue is there too and you can tell he is against the reunion as well, likely suspecting that Rayna is a cat person. Cole advises Deacon to go to Stacey and beg her forgiveness. Deacon say that Stacey is an amazing girl, but she's no Rayna. Cole says that Rayna is like family to him, but has been nothing but trouble for Deacon since day one. SHE HAS? DAY ONE? I thought the problem was Deacon's long-term lack of sobriety? Speaking of sobriety, Cole gets back on his "Rayna as addiction" train, which is annoying to everyone including Deacon. Deacon wonders if Cole considers his wife, Audrey, as an addiction, or just the love of his life. Cole replies that Audrey hasn't been messing with his mind all these years. Now that was harsh. This point obviously resonates with Deacon, who can only say, "It's different this time." As a total Rayna Jaymes apologist, I will say that I don't think she's been messing with his mind deliberately. Right? Whatever. True love! Shut up, Cole and let them get back to boning. Cole asks if Deacon is willing to blow up his whole life without knowing for sure. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Now can we PLEASE get back to them making out?
Juliette meets with Marshall and another suit from Edgehill to talk about her CMA nomination. Marshall's first question is, "Where's your new manager?" So that's awkward. Juliette credits her new material with facilitating her career turnaround, and Marshall hopes she'll play her new single at the nomination party the following night. She agrees, and hopes that she can count on Edgehill to court votes and get her the award for real. Marshall says that they plan on supporting all of their nominated artists. Also awkward! Juliette gets her patented dagger eyes and notes that Rayna has already won four CMA awards so it won't mean all that much to her. Plus, since she reunited with Deacon there's already a very special trophy in her mantle IF you know what I'm saying. But it means a lot to Juliette. Marshall tells her that she can campaign all she wants, but Edgehill has certain budget constraints. Juliette interrupts to note that it's a good thing that she doesn't. Well, if she keeps letting dudes bang her and steal her money, she might! Juliette takes this all as reinforcement that the only person she can rely on is herself. And Emily. Poor, loyal Emily.
Meanwhile, Rayna is accepting delivery of one million flowers when Maddie comes home. She doesn't waste much time in complaining to Rayna that Teddy is making her go to the father-daughter dance with him. But despite Maddie's pleas, Rayna refuses to try to talk Teddy out of it. She notes that he's excited about the dance and it means a lot to him. Maddie emphasizes that she's no Teddy fan at this moment, but Rayna urges her to be nice to him. I feel like if everyone in the world had an opportunity to shag Deacon just one time, there would be no war.
Tandy meets Cole downtown. She's kind of flirty, but he gets straight to the point: He's had a week to think about what Tandy told him about Teddy and the Cumberland deal, and isn't interested in being a pawn for her or Lamar. Tandy tries to give him grief about putting his own and the city's best interests aside, and Cole notes that Teddy isn't a bad man, adding that Tandy and Lamar are the ones who got him elected. Of course their tune changed when Teddy started cancelling their city contracts. Cole basically calls Tandy "Lamar, Junior" and all in all is being a little rough on the Wyatt/Jaymes sisters today. You know what would put him in a better mood? Yes, sex with Deacon.
Rayna heads to Soundcheck studios, where Bucky tells her that since Edgehill got eleven CMA nominations, the nomination party will be on a riverboat. Correlation may not equal causality. Or maybe it does? In any case, Juliette will perform first, then Rayna. Bucky mentions that Liam sent some mixes for her album, with a torn up plane ticket to St. Lucia inside. It turns out that Liam is not too happy with Rayna at the moment, and she tells Bucky not to ask for details. But she feels confident that Liam is a big boy and won't let anything get in the way of getting the album done. Then Rayna spots Deacon and we all go, "Liam who?" Bucky's face registers its standard emotion of confusion and concern.
Rayna and Deacon head into some sort of instrument storage room because they haven't seen each other in, like, three hours and it is time to make out, obviously. Rayna says that everyone's been talking about the nominations, but all she can think about is last night. DEACON TOO! They smooch and, without taking any breaks from said smooching, Deacon proposes that after the nomination party they go to his cabin and hide out, and do a little canoeing. Is that a euphemism? He's not going to make me bust out a "boy in the boat" reference, is he? That all sounds good to Rayna OBVIOUSLY, but this is her week with the girls, and they have a little hot chocolate and s'mores celebration planned. Deacon thinks this is even better, adding, "I love me some s'mores." Is that a euphemism, too? And how does he manage to make the line, "I love me some s'mores" sexy? SWOON.
Okay, but wait. I know everyone is very concerned about Rayna messing with Deacon's head, but can we all agree that inviting himself over to hang with the girls is a little too much at this point? Very sweet, but too much. He's not their dad yet! Except for Maddie, but that's different. Rayna says, "Let's see what happens," which I think is totally appropriate given the too-muchness of "I love me some s'mores." She also notes that she's a mama now, and along with kids comes a lot of mundane things that aren't the stuff romance is made of. You know, like custody agreements. Deacon says that he loves Rayna's kids, and all that mundane stuff is pretty much just what he's been waiting for. He adds, "If you're asking me if I'm looking for a way out here... I'm not." Rayna gives a little smile and says, "Good. Me neither." Oh SWOON. One hundred times swoon! And then the two of them KILL ME DEAD when she proposes taking it slow and he summons every sultry sexy hot maneuver known to man in one long kiss and asks, "Is that slow enough for you?" I am writing this from beyond the grave! Jesus. Someone give Charles Esten an Emmy immediately, he has earned it.
In happy news, Deacon and Rayna's makeout music happens to be a new song by Avery Barkley, who is jamming with the roadies. The song is great, and apparently was written by Jonathan Jackson. Slightly detracting from its impact, though, is a big framed platinum album by Darius Rucker right over the piano that Avery is playing. The subliminal messages here are not going where the product placement staff expected, methinks. Though you do have to give Hootie credit for being the first mainstream artist to really cash in on "Wagon Wheel," even if it's now been eternally ruined for the rest of us. That mean head roadie guy is not impressed by Roadie Band, who tells them that their break is over and they should get back to doing their damn jobs. Avery looks sad, like he always looks sad these days.
And then we are with Emily and Juliette and a fleet of Juliette Barnes bobble-head dolls. Juliette wants a bobble-head to go to every CMA member, along with a little bottle of Dom Perignon (which she happens to be drinking at that very moment, but super-sized). Emily points out that there are 7500 CMA members, and at $100 a pop -- plus the money that Dante took -- she's going to be out over a million dollars. Juliette tells her to order the bottles. I'm guessing she's going to wind up broke sometime in the second season, without even a Cumberland deal to blame.
Gunnar meets with the producer guy, who still loves "Gun for a Mouth." He was less excited about the other tracks Gunnar sent him -- you know, the songs that Gunnar actually wrote. He wants to focus on Gunnar's "raw, crazy side" and not the schmoopy ballads, and sets up recording time for the following night.
And then, OH SHIT. Deacon returns to his house to find Stacey there. This is why you never give anyone a key! While Deacon has been finding the boy in the boat with Rayna, Stacey has been teaching Sue how to sit. She starts to clean up Deacon and Rayna's breakfast dishes, which is too much for even Deacon in his post-coital bliss to handle. To twist the knife in further, Stacey apologizes to Deacon for not calling him, saying she needed a little time. She THEN says she was being stupid and overreacted. To his credit, Deacon gets straight to the point, shakes his head, and tells her she wasn't overreacting. This is not... exactly... what Stacey expected to hear. Things get weird, and Stacey has to ask if Deacon is ending their relationship. Um, yes. Don't let the door hit you in the ass when you leave! Stacey realizes that she wasn't being paranoid about Rayna, and then makes the horrible mistake of asking Deacon if he had sex with her. You know it's all Deacon can do not to say, "Yes, and it was magnificent." Instead, he tells Stacey that it's more than just sex. Stacey knows exactly what it is, which is Rayna deciding she has to have Deacon back after he finally decided to make a life for himself. It is NOT that. Okay, well, maybe a little. You know, upon repeated viewings it does become a little more difficult to be a full-blown Rayna apologist. I think the cure for that is to watch them making out in that storage room again. (Okay, confirmed, it works. True love!) Stacey gives Deacon the old, "We could have had something / We did have something," and walks to the door. Sue follows her, and Deacon tells Stacey to take the dog since he'll be a whole lot better off with her. And I know people got mad at Deacon for giving away the dog, but I think it's a good call even if it comes off as a consolation prize. This man has no business with a pet.
And then we're with Juliette at the stylist. She holds up a dress remarkably like the one I wore to my 1993 prom and says she doesn't want to be trashed on the worst dressed list. The stylist's assistant is pulling new ensembles, and while she's at it, Juliette would like another mimosa. Jolene, who has so far in this scene been hidden under a clothes rack, suggests that Juliette slow down on the breakfast drinks a little since she's already had three. Juliette points out that Jolene never counted when she drank (AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED), and rebuffs the accusation that she's drowning her Dante sorrows in alcohol. After all, she says mimosas aren't what people drink when they're upset -- vodka is. She's just like a little kid when she says that -- a sad, sad little kid. Juliette adds that just because Jolene has a problem doesn't mean she does. She doesn't mention what is probably an inconvenient genetic disposition. Though, honestly, sometimes a person just wants to get wasted, and sometimes it happens at inconvenient times. As long as you stay a functional alcoholic, I don't see the trouble, or at least that's what I tell myself. round's on me!
And then we're in Teddy's office, where Cole is handing in his resignation. Teddy says they can fix whatever heat Cole is getting about the cancelled contracts, but that apparently is not the issue. Cole says it's become apparent that the only interests being served by the mayor's office are Teddy's. Teddy is pissed, noting that he took a public stand for Cole, and wondering why Cole is doing this after a month or two. He adds that whatever Cole is trying to accomplish, it doesn't bode well for his political future. Okay, strike that, reverse it. Cole exits with a chilly, "Thank you Mr. Mayor." Once Teddy is disgraced and Cole is finally mayor, maybe he'll cut Rayna and Deacon some slack. Yes, it all comes back to Rayna and Deacon. Maybe Cole will give them the key to the city? Or the key to the city's storage room?
Will and Gunnar run into each other on the tree trunk porch, and Will wonders if Gunnar has played his new song for Scarlett. He has not. Will then asks if Gunnar is going to tell her that the song is Jason's, noting that if he doesn't he'll probably just make more trouble for himself. Gunnar does not need life advice about his GIRLfriend, thank you very much. Speaking of, Scarlett comes hopping up (dropping pellets for tea on the way!) excited that she's just been invited to the Edgehill party tonight. Gunnar has his demo scheduled, and so Will offers to go with her. Probably since he knows Will won't try to get in Scarlett's pants (or, in her case, dust bowl hoop dress), he says it's okay and splits. Once he's gone, Scarlett asks Will if he thinks something is bothering Gunnar. Instead of being all, "Now that is a long story, squirrelfriend," Will just gives his most heterosexual, non-plagiarizing, "Naw."
Rayna and Teddy then have an encounter in their house, where Rayna chills in, like, a smoking jacket. That's the kind of swag that comes along with Deacon taking it slow. They start off very civil -- she tells him she'll be at the Edgehill party tonight and he congratulates her on her nomination, and she hopes that he and Maddie have fun at the father-daughter dance. Teddy admits that he and Maddie need some healing in their relationship, adding that the way he handled things with Peggy was hurtful to all of them. And then of course Rayna is riddled with guilt because that's how she does it. She says that if they're being honest, she and Deacon might be... dot dot dot. She starts going into how it's early blah blah blah, but Teddy interjects by saying it's a bad idea. He knows Rayna, and there's no way she can be in a relationship with Deacon without the truth about Maddie coming out. Rayna is taken aback by Teddy's attempt to micromanage her romantic life, and maybe realizes she didn't need to tell him this shit in the first place. Complete honesty is overrated! As he starts to tell her what's at stake, Maddie comes out in her dance dress, looking super pretty. She heads back to get her lip gloss, and Teddy sternly says that he is Maddie's only father, and Rayna must not threaten that. He wants her to honor the agreement they made the day Maddie was born, and if she can't handle it she should break it off with Deacon ASAP. Ugh, deep dark secrets. Also: shut up, Teddy.
Juliette is then in her limo, drinking sad person vodka. Awwww, Jules. Emily gets a message that she is clearly reluctant to share with Juliette, but Juliette wants her to spill. It turns out that the security people got the details on the credit card charges, and Dante bought a $17,000 diamond ring. Juliette guesses that's not for her, and calls him a cheap bastard. If that were my money he was spending, I wouldn't think he was so cheap.
Rayna then arrives at the nomination party with Tandy, giving a "WHAT is she wearing?" moment. Connie Britton is an exquisitely made human, so to make her look weird you have to try pretty hard. Rayna and Juliette pose together for the press, and a reporter asks how it feels for the tourmates to compete in the same category. Rayna assures the reporters that if they want a catfight, they're not going to get it (because she prefers to keep that private!) and adds the two women have a lot of respect for each other. Juliette smirks that it will bring them closer together. Then they pose and bitch under their breath for a moment, with Rayna zinging that Juliette's perfume is 80-proof. It's going to be a fun night!
And then we're with a trying-too-hard Teddy and pouty Maddie at the father-daughter dance, watching other happy families dance to Juliette Barnes songs. She wants to go home, he wants her to know how much she means to him, and says that the day she was born was the best day of his life. Maddie shows she has her mother's penchant for zingers by saying, "What about the day Daphne was born?" So, busted. He promises that when she's older she'll understand some of this "parent stuff." Maddie already does, saying, "You guys are both weird." He tries to hug her to no avail, and asks for just one dance. She agrees, then once on the floor he busts out some major dorky dance moves. She giggles, and all of their problems are resolved. Dorky dads of the world, please do not think that this is at all realistic.
Back at the riverboat party, Marshall wonders where the heck Dante is, and tells Juliette to make sure he calls him tonight. Juliette is forced to admit that she fired him, or he quit, but in any case is gone. Marshall suggests that she call Glenn, since she'll need someone to help her out for award season. Juliette downs another glass of champagne and asserts that she does not need anybody. Marshall asks how many drinks she's had, and in response Juliette grabs another.
Gunnar has nailed his demo in the studio, and the producer asks if he has more like that. In turn, Gunnar pulls out Jason's journal. He couldn't even type that shit up on a piece of paper? Sloppy work. He'd better hope the producer doesn't flip to the cover where it says, "Jason's diary! Keep out!" The producer thinks that it's pretty dark stuff, which is an anomaly for modern country music. He notes that, looking at Gunnar, he doesn't see much of an outlaw. He asks if the raw stuff is just a persona, or if it's true. Gunnar says it's all true, except where the statue of limitations doesn't apply. The producer looks nervous until Gunnar says he's just messing with him. And, like, three things here. First of all, Gunnar obviously wrote the music for these songs so it's not like he had nothing to do with them. Two, it doesn't really matter if all of the stuff is true or not. Was Alicia Keys ever REALLY on fire? No. I mean, that song is terrible regardless, but still. Three, I think it would actually be MORE compelling for Gunnar to just admit that he's bringing his dead brother's lyrics to life. People love that shit. In any case, I'm starting to believe that Gunnar is not merely a secret dick, but also dumb as a box of Scarlett's weave.
Back on the boat, Deacon runs into Rayna and notes that they haven't seen much of each other tonight. He kisses her but she pulls away after a moment, probably because she is being strangled by the weird choker neck thing on her shirt. She says that with all the cameras around they should keep a low profile, but he suspects something else is afoot. He asks her to talk to him, and she says she can't, and he tells her not to do this again. She's all, "Do what again?" You know, the inscrutable thing you guys do! He tells her that she's pulling away and not talking to him, and just in time Juliette weaves her way down the hall screaming for Deacon. She is truly the enemy of adult conversations. Deacon tells her to pull herself together and he'll be there in a minute for their show. Once again he asks Rayna to tell him what's wrong, and she says she can't right now. Amidst this not-at-all-sexy tension, Juliette starts screaming about how Deacon still works for her. He storms away from Rayna and tells Juliette to get out of his way and do her own damn show. He QUITS. Again. Juliette yells that she quits him, and Rayna just looks pained.
Juliette then meets with her crew, saying that she has to be on stage in five minutes and is short a guitar player for this important show. Avery steps up, saying that he knows her show since he's been watching it every night. She gives him a big ole' RuPaul, "And remember... don't fuck it up," and Avery looks both excited and scared. Mostly scared. On the top deck of the boat, Will is networking his ass off and encouraging Scarlett to do the same. She's reluctant to brag about being the first act signed to Rayna's label, perhaps because she's dressed as a union soldier. Will is happy to brag for her, and also have some of her shine rub off on him.
And then Juliette grabs a glass of champagne and heads on stage. Avery is there playing guitar and not fucking up. Way to go, little buddy! Juliette proposes a toast to her manager, who is off getting engaged, then busts into a song about being used and crying. And you have to hand it to the girl -- she may be wasted but she sounds great. No sloppy falling off the stage here! In the audience, Will wonders why Avery the roadie is lead guitar player instead of Deacon, and Scarlett admits she has no idea of what's going on. On the side of the stage Tandy asks Rayna what happened to Deacon, and Rayna says they talked and it was not good. We then see Deacon getting into his car in the parking lot. He honks his horn in rage and yells, "Dammit!" Yes, I just typed, "Honks his horn in rage." Meanwhile, Rayna looks a little sad listening to lyrics about people using other people. Once her song is done, Avery thanks Juliette for letting him play. She tells him he wasn't half bad and kisses him on the cheek, and then he looks REALLY nervous. Good instincts for once, buddy.
After a break, we're home with Coleman and his wife, who asks how his resignation went. Cole explains that Teddy was surprised and confused, which Audrey thinks is good since severing ties with both sides keeps you clean in the public eye. And with Tandy, Lamar and Teddy all having their guns trained at each other, Cole is just getting out of the way. Why doesn't he try the same thing with Deacon and Rayna, hmmmmm?
And then we're on a set of deck stairs with Avery and Juliette, who is still swilling vodka from the bottle as Rayna plays her set. Okay, Juliette weighs about 75 pounds. Wouldn't she be dead by now or at the very least comatose? But nay, she is alive and asks Avery if he believes in fairy tales. You know, the ones where poor little girls turn into glamorous stars. Avery clarifies that those girls usually turn into princess, which leads Juliette to ruminate upon the fact that she's supposed to end up with a handsome prince instead of kissing frog after frog. Juliette waxes philosophical about how fairy tales are all just lies we tell ourselves about love, and Avery still looks nervous, but also like he kind of enjoys her.
After her set, Rayna heads offstage and runs into Scarlett and Will, but she's really looking for Deacon. Will offers to give Rayna his demo because like the Misers Snow and Heat, sometimes he's too much.
And then Avery deposits Juliette into the back seat of her limo. He suggests she drink a lot of water, but she is not interested in proper hydration. Instead, she kisses Avery and asks him to come home with her. Showing good instincts twice in one episode (!!!) Avery says that is not a good idea. Juliette's response? "Great. I can't even pick up a roadie." I don't think that's the end for these two, though, especially given that they're so size appropriate. Or is that just a lie I'm telling myself about love?
Rayna and Tandy exit the boat, and Rayna notes that Deacon can read her like a book and this ("this" being continue to lie to him about Maddie's paternity, apparently) is going to be really hard. She doesn't know what to do, and Tandy tells her that she's going to do what she's been doing for the past fourteen years, which is shut her yap. In all those years, did Rayna not get ONE pang of guilt about this? She saw Deacon all the time! Anyway, Tandy apparently is banging Bucky and so has a ride home with him, and it is a testament to how minor these characters are that this is all told to us in a throwaway line designed to get Deacon and Rayna alone in the back of a limo.
Rayna gets into said limo, and Deacon pops in from the other side, ordering the driver to go. Apparently he's honked his horn all he can honk it, and is ready to take some action. Rayna wonders what he's doing, and Deacon says that he doesn't know what she's hiding or afraid to tell him, but...(longest ellipses in the world)... it doesn't matter. Yes, that's right, he just said, "it doesn't matter." He's got to at least suspect about Maddie, right? Deacon goes on to say that he and Rayna have so much damn water under their bridge that sometimes it's like they're drowning in it. But the hell with all that, says Deacon! What matters is the two of them, right here, right now. To add to his list of positive traits, he's also a Zen master. Rayna smiles, then cries, and then Deacon accidentally gets his head caught in her giant hoop earring and is strangled to death. No, not true! In fact, he is the one to kill us dead (again!) by saying, "You can tell me everything, or you can tell me nothing at all. But you can't tell me you don't love me because that's the one thing I'll never believe." Rayna confirms that she does indeed love him, a whole lot, and not just because he's letting her get away with keeping a deep, dark secret. And then they bone, as it should be.
And then we're with Gunnar, who is at home listening to his new track on headphones. Scarlett comes in and tries to make conversation. He's not interested, so she pulls the headphone jack out of the stereo. Upon hearing "Gun for a Mouth" she goes, "Well that's different." In a good way! She's just never heard him sing an angry song before. He gives a guilty, "Thanks." Boy, is Jason's ghost ever going to haunt HIM. A second season crossover with American Horror Story might not be the worst thing for this show, actually. When Jessica Lange shows up at Rayna's door with raw liver, we'll know it's on.
And then on to perfection. Rayna and Deacon sit in snuggly-position on his couch. She's wearing one of his shirts and nothing else, and he strums the guitar as they sing a song called "End of the Day." And at first, with its refrain of, "I'll be quitting at the end of the day," I thought this was about, like, quitting time. But in fact it's about quitting drinking and lying. Is this REALLY what they want to sing in their moment of post-coital bliss? And is that why we love them so much? It's like the most harmonic and lovely type of self-flaggelation, complete with a heightened version of their usual eye-fucking. While they sing we get glimpses of a few other characters. Maddie tells Teddy she had the best time at the dance, and also wishes that he and Rayna were still together. Well, you're the only one! Too bad, kid! When you're older and know something about eye fucking with harmony singing you'll understand! Juliette's driver/bodyguard, Bo, brings her stumbling ass in the house and tries to guide her to a seat even though she says she's got it. Scarlett finds Jason's diary while Gunnar sleeps and sees the lyrics to "Gun for a Mouth." She gets a literal shiver because: ghosts. Gunnar wakes up and she confronts him about stealing Jason's song. Again, technically he co-wrote that song. Shadily, but still. Gunnar says it's just a song and walks off. I'm surprised a flock of bluebirds don't come down and peck his ears out on Scarlett's behalf.
And then we're back with Rayna and Deacon as they finish the song and kiss. He says this feels so right, and wishes they could have done it years ago. He adds, "Who knows, we might have had a family of our own right now." Well, why don't you just gouge out her guilty heart with a guitar pick? I still choose to believe that Deacon is good at basic addition and subtraction and is just trying to get Rayna to tell him on her own terms what he already suspects. I mean, right?
And then we're home with Juliette. Jolene covers her up with a blanket, and Juliette wonders why she's always there. Happy Mother's Day! Jolene notes that Juliette is drunk (and sloppy, I might add) and Juliette says that the apple doesn't fall far. Jolene tries to give her some water, and Juliette first says that no one can help her before crying and wondering why nobody cares. That is actually a pretty realistic portrayal of, like, me when I'm drunk. Thanks, Show, for understanding. Jolene says that she cares, and then Juliette starts talking about how she could have loved Dante. Speaking of the devil, he calls at that moment. Jolene first tries to confront him, but Juliette grabs the phone, asking what the hell he wants. There is a pause, and we then see her say, "What kind of tape?" Whatever it is, I'm guessing she doesn't want to send it out to the CMA voting members with the bobblehead dolls.
week: Dante wants $10 million for the mystery tape; Will and Gunnar get in a fistfight, much to Scarlett's dismay; Teddy doesn't want the girls around Deacon; and, as the announcer tells us, "One will be driven to kill." I didn't get the full dramatic impact of that statement until we heard the gunshots and Juliette's screams.
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