This season on Celebrity Mole: Lots of stuff happened. Seriously, it was just a series of clips from the season, and if you really want to know what happened, read the recaps. The package ends with each celebrity claiming that he or she is not The Mole.
Ahmad welcomes us to the final episode and announces that tonight, they will reveal who is the winner, who is the runner-up, and who is The Mole. This taping is taking place a few months after the final quiz, and now Kathy, Erik, and Frederique are sitting in small rooms, waiting to find out the results. Also, all of the original contestants will return to rehash the season. Before we find anything out, Ahmad introduces clip packages designed to show how each of the three have had Mole-ish moments.
First, Erik's Mole maneuvers are explained in a series of interviews. Kathy says it's hard to say whether Erik is "young and stupid" or The Mole. Michael says that Erik doesn't talk much and when he does, it's usually a lie. Kathy brings up how, when they were digging up coffins, Erik saw that one of them contained only bones and yet refused to take the money on the chance that it might contain their prize. Ahmad offered Erik $60,000 for the pot for giving up his exemption, and Erik took it. Michael thought that "made him look both less like The Mole and more like The Mole." Erik also claimed he could surf for a minute even though Frederique only stayed up for ten seconds.
Let's look at what Frederique has done. Kathy says that Frederique is fairly guarded and you never know what she's thinking. Erik points out that when Frederique was hanging under the waterfall, she was in an ideal position to grab a bucket and she stalled. Corbin was suspicious that Frederique couldn't getAmerican Beauty during underwater charades. Corbin told Frederique that she was The Mole if she didn't eat the hot pepper and cost them $25,000. Frederique refused to eat it.
And finally, Kathy. Michael says that Kathy is brilliant and angry, qualities that would make for a good Mole. And also, Michael thinks that she's funny, which puts everyone at ease. During the sheep herding, Michael noticed that Kathy wasn't really doing anything. Erik finds it odd that Kathy only tried to surf for ten minutes before giving up. Frederique thought it was sabotage when Kathy answered every question the same on the questionnaire.
Ahmad returns and introduces the four executed players: Kim Coles, Stephen Baldwin, Corbin Bernsen, and Michael Boatman. Ahmad asks why they didn't make it to the final round, and they all laugh. Michael Boatman says that he was wrong in every choice that he made. Stephen says that obviously Michael was less wrong than Stephen was. Kim thinks it was too early in the game for her, and that she'd only spent two days with the others. Corbin says that he's still playing the game, and that he's behind one of the doors. Everyone laughs. Ahmad asks if the game was more difficult than Corbin thought it would be. Corbin says that it was, and that it was very intense. Michael points out that you don't know what to believe from the moment you arrive until the moment you are executed. Michael jokes that he's still not sure that Corbin isn't The Mole. Stephen pipes up, "The whole thing's wack!" Who still says "wack"? That's so early '90s. Catch up, Baldwin. Ahmad asks if they are waiting for him to say that there's another twist. They agree. Ahmad says that he's not going to say that. Well, clearly. Because this is a classy reality show, not Joe Millionaire.
Ahmad goes down the line and asks each of them who they think is the winner, and who is The Mole. Kim says she thinks Frederique is The Mole and Kathy is the winner. Stephen thinks that Erik is The Mole and he thinks, or hopes, that Frederique is the winner. Corbin sounds sure that Kathy is The Mole and Erik wins the money. Michael agrees with Kim and says that Frederique is The Mole and Kathy is the winner. Stephen interrupts to say that he thinks he should have been The Mole and Corbin should have been the winner. Shut up, Stephen. You lost. Give up. ["Seriously. Go sell your blood, deadbeat." -- Wing Chun] Ahmad announces that we will find out who is the winner, who is the loser, and who is The Mole. And again, if this were Joe Millionaire, by "," Ahmad would mean "in a future episode." I'm sorry. I'm still not over that travesty.
But unlike that travesty, this show will deliver. Ahmad reminds us that the player who scored highest on the final quiz will be the winner, and that it's time to find out who that person is. Erik, Frederique, and Kathy put their hand on a digital hand scanner. The winner's hand will unlock his or her door, so that he or she can exit. There's a lot of dramatic footage of the hands being scanned, like that has anything to do with whether or not the door unlocks. Please. A door opens and...Kathy walks out. Kim laughs hysterically. Corbin is shocked. Kathy asks Ahmad if they screwed up, because she can't believe she's the winner of $233,000. Michael can't believe it either and he says it can't be right. Kathy agrees.
Now it's time to find out who The Mole is. Frederique and Erik place their hands on the bogus scanners. A door unlocks. It opens and...Frederique walks out and does a little dance. The other players laugh and laugh. Michael says he wants Frederique dead, and Kim says she didn't stay long enough to want Frederique dead. Ahmad says that even he had no idea that it was Frederique. Stephen tries to focus attention back on himself by yelling that he was wrong about everything! Yeah, we know, dude. That's why you were the second person executed. Stop trying to hog the limelight. Erik is still stuck in his room, and he looks like he's about to cry. Corbin says he owes Erik a huge apology. Erik finally walks out and everyone claps for him and says he was "much maligned." Erik and Kathy hug. Ahmad says that Erik is The Mole's last victim. Corbin demands to see a red screen on the television, and the producers comply (or edit it in such a way that it looks like they complied). Ahmad says that after the break, we will learn about Kathy and Erik's secret alliance. Everyone is surprised to hear about that, and Kathy says she thought it was private. Does it matter anymore?
When we return, Ahmad reviews what we already know. Ahmad says that Kathy will no longer be known as Kathy Griffin from Suddenly Susan -- she's now Kathy Griffin, winner of Celebrity Mole. First of all, no, she won't. And second of all, is that really a promotion? I love this show and all, but let's not pretend like it's got great status or anything. Ahmad says that on the nights they were executed, Stephen and Corbin both picked Kathy as The Mole. Stephen says that Kathy is "such a psychopath." Kathy goes, "I'm the psychopath? It never stops. What is wrong with this guy?" Everyone laughs.
Ahmad says that Kathy was a fan of reality television, so she came in knowing that she wanted a coalition, and found one with Erik, although they made an unlikely pair. Ahmad introduces a clip package showing how the coalition came about. It turns out that Kathy wasted no time trying to set something up. Minutes after the helicopter landed, she approached Stephen. That set up the clip where Stephen said that Kathy asked him to her room and Kathy said Stephen thought she meant she wanted to have sex with him. It's always interesting to me to see clips we've seen before, but now with additional context. Kathy says that she doesn't have a coalition with Stephen, but laughs that she will have an affair with him. , Kathy turned to Frederique. In an interview, Kathy says Frederique gave her a look insinuating that there was no way they could have a coalition, and then started talking about human nature. We see Frederique giving a little speech about seeing people's personalities unfold. In an interview, Kathy says she thought, "Oh, for God's sake. Do you want to be in a coalition or not?" She adds that she didn't have time for that, so she moved on. , Kathy moved on to Kim Coles, but didn't get the chance to ask her, because she was the first one executed.
Kathy finally turned to Erik for a coalition, and he accepted. They listed their suspects and realized that Stephen and Michael were at the top of both of their lists, which gives them a lot in common with the people on our forums. On the second quiz, Kathy and Erik each only got one question right, causing a tie with Stephen, but their faster times saved them from execution. Frederique comments that she can't believe that it was a three-way tie. Kathy and Erik then remembered that Michael refused to jump off the cliff, and he became their prime suspect. On the third quiz, Kathy tied with Corbin for lowest score, but again, her faster time saved her. Ahmad voice-overs that one of Kathy's strategies was always to be the fastest person to take the quiz, and she was in fact the fastest every time. Once Corbin was executed, Kathy and Erik were sure that Michael was The Mole, so they concentrated their efforts on convincing Frederique that Erik was The Mole. We see Erik giving up his exemption, and Kathy telling Frederique that it's possible Erik is still The Mole, because The Mole might not always keep money from the pot in order to divert suspicion. Frederique played along. Frederique dies laughing at herself. Kathy and Erik were screwed when Michael was executed. In an interview, Kathy says she has no idea how Michael got executed, because she answered every question as if he were The Mole. In an interview, Erik puts his head in his hands and says he's screwed. Ahmad reveals that if Erik didn't have an exemption, he would have been executed instead of Michael because he had the lowest score. Michael groans and Erik laughs.
Ahmad voice-overs that after Michael was executed, the coalition between Erik and Kathy ended, and they each wondered if they had been in a coalition with The Mole. In an interview, Kathy says that after each quiz, she went back to her room and wrote down as many questions as she could remember. She realized that she inadvertently threw five answers to Frederique and lucked out by staying in the game. Kathy is sure that she was only in because of her times on the quiz. Ahmad voice-overs that Kathy tried to make herself look suspicious in the final two games to confuse Erik. Her questionnaire answers were designed to sabotage the game and look Mole-ish, but she didn't actively try to sabotage the last game. Ahmad voice-over, "Her lack of athletic ability proved useful in conjuring up more suspicion." In an interview, Kathy says she's constantly throwing challenges because she's not athletic, and adds, "I like the nice dinners. Those are nice." Ahmad voice-overs that although Kathy was convincing, Erik didn't buy it, and he knew Frederique was The Mole, so it came down to the final quiz. Ahmad voice-overs that Erik played with heart and determination and single-handedly added $99,000 to the pot. But it was Kathy's observations, detailed note-taking, and a little luck that made her the winner. Ahmad voice-overs that Kathy beat Erik by three questions on the final quiz.
Once the clip package ends, Stephen has to pipe up yet again to talk about how he was consistently wrong throughout the game. Corbin asks Kathy why she didn't come to him for a coalition. Instead of admitting that he scared her, Kathy says that she thought she and Corbin played the game in a similar fashion, and she wanted a partner who could do a lot of tasks while she served as "the copious note-taker." Plus, she thought their coalition was unlikely, so people wouldn't suspect it. She concludes, "And now we're engaged!" Ahmad says that Kathy was confident throughout the game. Kathy says she had no confidence and felt stupid, and now that she's seen herself in a bathing suit, she would give all the money back to have that scene cut. Ahmad reminds Erik that he claimed he knew who The Mole was when he gave up his exemption. Erik admits that he didn't, but that the money for the pot was too good to pass up. Ahmad says that Kathy tried to form a coalition with The Mole, and wonders if that tipped Kathy off. Well, clearly not, since we just found out that she thought it was Michael until the last round. Dumb question. Kathy says basically that, and adds that her journal is full of notes about Boatman and that she never suspected Frederique.
Ahmad asks the group whether, now that they know the truth, it changes their feelings toward one another. Michael says that they all still hate each other. I need to take a moment to discuss what Stephen Baldwin is wearing. First of all, he has about two pounds of grease in his hair. Then, he's wearing a black mock turtleneck that I think Jason Priestley was wearing on the rerun of that I watched this morning. A rerun from 1992. Anyway, Ahmad asks Kathy (who is wearing her hair straightened) why she was constantly dissing the other contestants. Kathy says he must have her confused with her evil alter ego: curly-haired Kathy. Kim says that after watching the show, she realizes that she would have become into the meanest person ever, especially since she was PMSing. Okay, more than I needed to know. She says it wouldn't have been funny, and she would have been cursing people out, especially Stephen, because he wouldn't stop talking about his penis. Stephen pretends he's going to whip it out right there, and I'm sure that if the focus shifts to someone else for too long, he will.
Ahmad says that everyone was shocked when Stephen was executed, and introduces a clip package to show "the man behind the mouth." Stephen tries to bribe Ahmad, which is silly since Ahmad didn't know who The Mole was anyway. Stephen yells at Ahmad for not explaining the rules of one of the games correctly. Stephen then asks someone to stop him if he ever yells at Ahmad again. It's called impulse control, Baldy. Look into it. In an interview, Stephen says that he just wants to smack Erik, because he's pretty, but he's got no balls. Stephen yells at Michael for refusing to jump off the cliff. In an interview, Stephen says that he's going to hunt Michael down, slash his tires, and light brown paper bags full of dog crap on his doorstep. In an interview, Stephen says that he would like to hit Corbin on the back of the head with an axe. Then he tells Kathy that she's hot, but they're both married, so it would never work out between them, but maybe they could do an acting gig together so they could make out. In an interview, Kathy says people told her that Stephen would show people his penis, and he did. She claims to be able to draw a picture for us. No, thank you.
After Kim was executed, Stephen said he was just glad Frederique was still there. Kathy goes on a rant: "You know, how come it's always about Frederique, Frederique, Frederique? I hate all of you! 'Thank God, Frederique's here. Otherwise, we'd have to look at that big cow, Kathy. And I might vomit!'" In an interview, Stephen says, "Frederique? There is a God." In a different interview, he says that he's a married man, but "not having Frederique out there in a thong was absolute horseshit." Okay, he won me over a bit with the word "horseshit." In an interview, Stephen does a bit where he pretends to be talking to Frederique. When it finishes, everyone dies laughing. Ahmad asks Stephen what his strategy was. Stephen says he just wanted to have a really good time. Ahmad says that somebody stopped the party short. Stephen says he's proud of his stupidity.
Ahmad segues to talk about Corbin, who didn't seem to be having a good time. Corbin says that he watched tapes of the seasons and was impressed by the clues, like how Bill was an Admiral and they had pictures of boats on the wall. But weren't most of those clues meant for the viewers and not the players? It seems like they were largely elements that only viewers could see. I guess Corbin missed that part, because he was too busy looking for clues. Ahmad says that Corbin was obsessed with looking for clues where none existed, and introduces a clip package about "Inspector Clue-seau."
Corbin tells the camera that this is going to be bigger than anyone thinks. He picks up the salt and pepper shakers and says that it must be a clue, and then finds the letters S and P on them. Um, those initials stand for "salt" and "pepper"? In an interview, Corbin babbles like a crazy person about something. Seriously, he sounds schizophrenic. At dinner, Corbin made everyone switch seats. In an interview, Kathy says she likes watching Corbin lose it. At dinner, Corbin says that the one coffin they didn't get to open was that of Kevin Spacey, and Stephen was in The Usual Suspects with Kevin Spacey. In an interview, Corbin says he thinks there could be two Moles. Corbin tells everyone to add up their room numbers. In an interview, Corbin says it's driving him nuts. Frederique asks if Corbin is really that big a freak. In an interview, Corbin says that you read about detectives getting consumed by a case, and it destroys them, and this is similar for him. At dinner, Corbin crawls underneath the table, and he emerges claiming he knows who The Mole is. In an interview, Corbin says he noticed that the candles on the table were in descending order, and he concluded that one of the people on the show is the youngest of four brothers (Baldwin). But doesn't Baldwin have a sister, too? Corbin guesses that he might be thinking way too much. You think? I say this with all of the love in the world, but I seriously have heard some of those theories from people on our forums, especially the "two moles" theory. That comes up every season. Ahmad tells Corbin that he was consumed. Corbin claims that he's over it now. Stephen says he's done some crazy things, but when Corbin blew a gasket at dinner, it was really crazy. Corbin keeps saying that he just wanted an exemption, but Stephen insists that he had a meltdown. I kind of think they both had a meltdown.
Ahmad says that since the game was dominated by strong personalities, Frederique was able to fly under the radar. He introduces a clip package to show how Frederique did it. Ahmad voice-overs that The Mole doesn't sabotage every game, but that Frederique was always looking for opportunities, and was the stealthiest Mole to date. Few suspected her, and not one person chose her as The Mole until the final quiz. Wow, that is impressive. We see Stephen telling Corbin and Frederique that no one in their vehicle is The Mole. Frederique agrees. In an interview, Stephen says that if Frederique is The Mole, he'll eat his hat. In the first game, Frederique says she was able to stall and use her accent to pretend she was confused. She claims she could have easily filled the basket with water. And then, she totally blamed Corbin for her failures. Ahmad voice-overs that it cost the group $10,000. During the underwater charades, Frederique sabotaged by not getting answers, but says she couldn't believe that Stephen couldn't figure out American Beauty, but she tried to sidetrack him and make him look Mole-ish. Ahmad says that the money just happened to be in the one charade they didn't solve, and it was $25,000. In an interview, Frederique says that in "Offshore Account," she was instructed to be the one who looked good on the beach, but Corbin picked Erik. Ahmad voice-overs that Frederique was supposed to be offered the exemption to keep $60,000 from the pot. Frederique had to improvise and sabotage the raft. In an interview, Frederique says that everyone paid attention to Corbin so she loosened up a few knots. She adds that since Erik turned down the exemption and took the money for the pot, she had to sabotage the game.
The game was "Hot Pepper Looky Looky [sic]," which Frederique blatantly sabotaged but it didn't hurt her because at that point, everyone suspected Michael. She cost the team $25,000, but Ahmad informs us that not one person picked her as The Mole on that night's quiz. In an interview, Corbin says that in his heart of hearts, he doesn't believe Frederique is The Mole. , Frederique and Kathy had to surf. Frederique says she knew Kathy couldn't do it, so she tried to do well, which helped take some of the suspicion off her. Then Kathy, Frederique, and Michael were trying to prevent Erik from getting an exemption as well as win $20,000 for the pot. Frederique says that her goal was to come in just after Erik finished. Ahmad voice-overs that Frederique knew where Erik was, so she purposely slowed down and came in a minute too late. But what was up with that security guard? I guess that was legit.
In the last episode, Frederique knew that Erik and Kathy might be on to her, so she decided not to sabotage the game. Since Kathy and Erik were both trying to convince each other that they were The Mole, she didn't need to do anything. Ahmad voice-overs that Frederique did as much as she could to put some doubt in their minds before they took the final quiz. He adds that Frederique prevented $80,000 from going into the pot. In an interview, Frederique says that she's always loved playing games, but to actually be the game was exciting.
Ahmad tells Frederique that she was a really good Mole and fooled everyone. He asks if she tried to set anyone else up to look like The Mole at any point. Frederique says Corbin was so over-the-top that she just played into it. Ahmad brings up her sabotage of the boat. Frederique says that Corbin was going like a maniac, so she felt confident that no one would notice her. Stephen says he was too nice in the whole process, and three times during the game he asked Frederique if she was The Mole and she just didn't answer. Kim thinks Frederique threw them off with her beauty. Michael says that you get an idea in your head, and it's ego-driven, and you think you've figured someone out, so you won't give it up. Yep, that's me. Like I said previously, I started suspecting Frederique after Corbin was executed, but my ego wouldn't let me admit it because I wanted to stick with my original pick so that at the end, I could say, "Ha! I knew it all along." I imagine that factors into the game as well.
Ahmad announces that there were hidden clues for the home viewers. First, in the credits, only Frederique's face is visible in the helicopter as Ahmad voice-overs that someone is being paid to sabotage the others. In the first episode, Ahmad described the game as "the wild, wild west, Mole-style," and Frederique was in the movie Wild, Wild West. Wow, I'm sorry for her. In the second episode, the plane's registration number visible while Corbin gave his predictions was VS-CMH03, which stood for Victoria's Secret - Celebrity Mole Hawaii 2003. Frederique modeled for Victoria's Secret. In the third episode, when Frederique walks out of the water, there is a red, white, and blue inflatable dolphin on the beach. Red, white, and blue are the colors on the Netherlands flag, Frederique's birthplace. That one was dumb. In the fifth episode, the storage bins in the cold storage room where Kathy found the watermelon were labeled Fruits, Vegetables, Dairy, Water, Meat. If you take the first letters of each word, it stood for Frederique Van Der Wal Mole. Hey, someone on the forums actually pointed that out! I actually thought those were all decent clues. Except the flag one. That was dumb. But they weren't so completely obscure as to be ridiculous (first season) or so obvious that you knew who The Mole was by the third episode (second season). Well done, production team!
Ahmad announces again that Kathy won $233,000 and that Frederique was The Mole. He thanks the other five celebrities and wishes us goodnight. Hey, where was the part from the promo where Stephen called Erik Dino-pimp? Actually, that was good misdirection because it made me think Erik won, and he totally didn't.
Well, that's it for this season. Thanks for reading my recaps; I hope there will be another non-celebrity season fairly soon. Or another celebrity season, even. I had my doubts about this one, but it was a lot of fun. Although that was largely due to Kathy, and I don't think they'll let her play again. See you!
Oh, one last thing. I've been remiss in not recapping the credits segment each week, largely because usually my recording stopped before they were shown. But here's the full transcription of what Kathy actually said when Stephen expressed thanks that Frederique was still around after Kim's execution: "What the fuck? Am I not here, you assholes? You guys can all suck it. I fucking hate you assholes. How come it's all about Frederique, Frederique, Frederique? And you know, Frederique, I hate you too. I hate all of you." And then she breaks up laughing and Stephen falls on the floor. Goodnight!