So, Kate bustles through her office, picking up file folders and wearing a pin-stripped top with a ruffled neckline. She runs right into Claire --who, for what it's worth, I can not stand, for no real reason other than the fact that I find her deeply unpleasant and unnecessary and also I think she has incredibly bad posture and I hate her face -- and rattles off a long list of lawyer-y sounding instructions. Claire is all, whatever, and tells her that she's got a "walk-in." On The X-Files, that meant something entirely different, but I imagine that Claire would have specified if this walk-in was an otherworldly creature who had dropped by to steal Kate's ova for nefarious scientific purposes. Kate's, like, "I am really, really busy," and while I love Alicia Silverstone and I think this role is perfect for her in a Cher-Horowitz-grows-up kind of way and she's really just adorable, she's not the most believable lawyer in the world. A matchmaker? Yes. But a lawyer is a bit of a reach. Because when she says "busy," I don't hear "deposition, deposition, legal brief, trial, trial, settlement meeting," I hear, "manicure, pedicure, haircut and highlights, sale at Barneys." Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'd skip my own grandmother's funeral for the Barneys sample sale. Okay, not really. But, while at the funeral, I would probably spare a thought or two for the shoes I was missing. Anyway, Claire is all, "This guy really needs your help. Please." Kate, clearly stunned that Claire has a heart, tells her to show the client into her office. Well, not really. She just sort of pouts adorably, but the pout clearly means, "Sure, show him into my office."
So Kate meets with said walk-in, who is hot, hot, hot. He shoots her the sad, lonely eyes and fiddles with his wedding ring and tells Kate that "Melanie was [his] one true love," and since she died, he's been utterly bereft. Kate makes her sad, sad puppy dog face and wonders if he's sure he wants to "jump back into the dating pool." "That's just the thing, Miss Fox," Hottie McTakeOffYourPants says. "Call me Kate," Kate says in a tone that means, "And call me anytime you like." Hottie Smokingstein then tells her that he doesn't want to date just anyone. After everything he's been through, he says, he wants a woman who's "ready for something more. Who's grounded. Established in her career. Someone who wants a family." Kate blinks, thinking she's hit the Yenta Jackpot: hot, sensitive, clearly willing to commit, respectful of career women, ready for kids. Bingo! I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. Which, if you're taking notes, I am. Call me, Hottie!
Cut to Kate's gynecologist. Kate is, yes, in the stirrups. And even her gown is cute. Whereas my gynecologist favors green paper jobs, Kate is wearing a flowered number with what looks like pink flannel trim. "Can I ask you a personal question?" she asks her doctor, who looks slightly askance and agrees. "Are you single?" Kate asks. The doctor -- who's working that I'm An Uptight Spinster, But Underneath My Prim Exterior is a Beautiful, Sensual Woman Waiting to Blossom thing -- says that, actually, yes, she is. Join the club, sister. Wow, I think I've arrived at "desperate," and it's only the third paragraph of the recap! I think that's a new record for me. "Obviously, I don't meet a lot of women at work," Spinster Gyno sighs. "Great," Kate chirps, and then corrects herself, saying that of course it's not great that she's single. I have to admit that part of what I like about this show is that it doesn't generally posit that singledom equals failure, like The Bachelor does. It's more about people who are legitimately trying to find love, and it's quite optimistic about something that can be really daunting. And not in a cloying, overly cutesy way. I just sort of like it. I don't know, maybe I'm getting soft in my old age. Anyway, Kate sighs that she just met the loveliest man and she'd like to set her doctor up with him. The doctor takes a seat and pulls on the latex. "Sounds intriguing," she says with a smile. "Maybe we should talk about this after the exam." And as Kate gets her Pap smear, we get credits.
After the commercials, we're back at Fox and Associates. A woman -- whom Claire, wearing an incredibly ugly purple satin shirt, calls Judy -- blows past reception and right into Jerrold "Ryan O'Neal" Fox's office. "Hello, angel," she says. Jerry looks up from the important task of reorganizing his pencils. "Judy Schiff! And to what do I owe this pleasure?" he asks. I love Ryan O'Neal. I can't help it. He was so cute and blond in Love Story and he almost died of the leukemia a few years ago. I'm just glad he's working and that his plastic surgery was of good quality. Judy Schiff announces it's the third anniversary of her divorce, and she brought him cookies to celebrate. "When I get obsessive, I bake," she explains. Wow, when I get obsessive, I eat. And also obsess. Jerry eats one of her cookies, and wonders if they are "little pastry pigs in a blanket." Judy sighs that he's such a goy. "It's ruggelah," she explains. "I thought that was a salad," Jerry says through a mouthful of pastry. Judy sits and gives him a quick update on her life, recommending that he take "power yoga" for his bad back. "And the kids?" Jerry asks. Judy sighs that they're still searching for themselves. "Michelle's career is great, but her love life is a wreck, and frankly, I'm worried." If my mother had a dollar…Jerry gets that Light Bulb Over The Head look and tells her he's got someone he wants her to meet.
That someone is, of course, Kate, who is wearing THE CUTEST SHIRT EVER. It's got a white background and is covered in, like, cherry blossoms, and the collar is red and the cuffs are huge and bright red and I covet it. Jerry introduces the two women, kindly calling Kate a "first-class lawyer and a matchmaker." Judy snorts, although not unkindly. "She's a yenta? Get out," she says. I think this is the appropriate time to admit that I would loooove to be a matchmaker. It seems like it would be fun and interesting, and it would also really rack up the good karma. Kate sort of shrugs charmingly…
…and takes Judy into her office. Judy gives Kate the bullet on her daughter Michelle, who graduated from Sarah Lawrence with honors and now runs a successful art gallery in Santa Monica. "And relationships?" Kate asks. "Losers. All of them," Judy pronounces. "They cheat on her, they lie, they're unemployed. I'm telling you, Michelle is a gem. Other than shoe shopping, she really is the great joy of my life." At this, Kate smiles winsomely, and her hair, I must say, looks great, all half pulled up and sort of Sharon Tate in Valley of the Dolls mixed with Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha Stevens and I just love it. "Look, I can't make any promises, but I do know some very emotionally mature, wonderful men," she says. "Oh, I'm sorry. Women," Judy says, explaining that Michelle is a lesbian. "Oh!" Kate chirps, and smiles. She opens her mouth, probably to assure Judy that she's perfectly capable of Successful Lesbian Matchmaking, when Claire buzzes the intercom and announces that she's got Kate's gynecologist on line one. "Claire, I'm in with a client," Kate says tightly. "Oops," Claire says. Fire her, Kate. At this, Judy gets up and tells Kate to take her call, promising to talk later about the matchmaking thing. "Oh, FYI, yogurt is great for everything," she says. "Thanks for the tip," Kate responds politely.
So, Kate takes the call and asks Dr. Fuller -- whose name we later learn is Jenna, and I'm using that now, because I'm already well on the road to carpal tunnel -- how things are going with "Karl," a.k.a. Hottie McHotterson. Jenna chirps that he's simply wonderful, and he must be, because her hair is all loose and flowing and the "tight up-do" to "loose and flowing" transition is TV Hairstyling for "finally got laid." Anyway, Jenna is in love and Karl is just swell. "This is so nice," Kate trills. Jenna dreamily asks Kate to be her maid of honor if she and Karl eventually ring it up, and Kate opens her eyes real wide and advises Jenna to take it slow. "It's only been two weeks," she says. Jenna twirls around on her office chair and gleefully explains that she and Dreamy Karl are going to Hawaii on Monday. Because he promised his dead wife that he'd scatter her ashes in the ocean on Maui, and he wants Jenna to be there. Oh, this isn't going to end well. This is like the time George Costanza was using Susan's death to curry favor with hot babes, and nothing that George Costanza advocates can end well. Kate makes a concerned face and warns Jenna that this trip might be less of a Mai-Tai-fueled sex-athon and more of an emotionally draining sob fest. "Trust me, Kate, I'm ready for this," Jenna sighs. Kate decides, as usual, to go into this with a good attitude, and tells Jenna to give her a ring when she gets back.
Over at the Lesbian Art Gallery, a young woman who looks sort of like Geena Davis adjusts a large painting. "Does this look straight to you?" she asks Kate. Oh, writers. I know that seemed clever, but it was really just a little obvious. But your show is overall a delightfully fluffy confection (and yes, I was watching a commercial for cookies when I wrote that), so I'll let it slide. Anyway, Michelle is not all that stoked by the concept of being set up. You know, all sort of, "I'm very busy, I'm so very, very busy," and Kate is like, "Blah blah blah. Shut up and give it a shot." Michelle sighs. "Look, I hate to say this because her heart is in the right place, but my mother hasn't the slightest idea what my taste is," she finally says. Kate shrugs and suggests that Michelle describe the kind of girl she's interested in. "Well. Okay. She should own at least one dress and one vintage leather jacket. She should like movies with subtitles. And have a current passport. Stamped with at least three hard-to-pronounce destinations. And when we kiss for the first time, I should forget where I am and who I am, at least for a moment," she speechifies. Kate, a better person than I, refrains from rolling her eyes. I had no idea we were allowed to be that specific with our yentas. In that case, I want a man who owns at least one tie and one hardcover book. He should like football. And know how to drive a car. And have a car. And when we kiss for the first time, I would like him to not get saliva on my neck. And I'm just wondering: is Kate going to be forced to examine Michelle's potential dates' passports? "Do you know this girl?" Michelle asks. "I might," Kate says, that little go-getter.
Cut to Michelle's first date, which is taking place at some anonymous yet chic restaurant. She watches as a woman comes inside and chats with the hostess. I swear, I know this actress -- the date, not Michelle -- from something, and it's killing me. I think it's an actress who played a character I hated so much on Dawson's Creek that I called her She Who Shall Not Be Recapped, and who then showed up on 24 last season, but her face looks a little wonky now and it might not be her. If it is, though, dude, She Who Shall Not Be Recapped, please leave me alone. At any rate, Michelle's eyes get all big when she sees that her date has a baby. Nameless Date apologizes for her tardiness and explains that her sitter bailed. "Oh, God, Kate didn't tell you that I have a baby, did she? She may not have known. We haven't been in touch in a while. I am the only lesbian she knows," Nameless Date says. Well, she didn't say that last part. Michelle stammers that it's okay. "I love kids," she offers. Well, Nameless Date is really excited about this! She is having the best day! "And Maya made the most perfect BM!" she says, lifting the baby out of her carrier and attaching the kid to her nipple. Michelle looks slightly taken aback, first by the poop report and then by the nipple, and while I can understand not wanting to talk about baby's bowels at the table, I don't think it's exactly fair to look grossed out by the breast-feeding. It's Maya's dinner time, too. On the other hand, it does seem like a misstep for a first date. Heavens, dating is complicated. Michelle proudly soldiers on, chatting about her gallery and her background in photography and whatnot. Nameless Date is soon distracted by a blonde woman at the bar, though, and hisses that it's her ex. "I can't believe she would come here. This is my restaurant," Nameless Date bitches, and hands over the baby before approaching the Ex. Michelle holds the baby awkwardly as Nameless and the Ex start groping each other. "Well, Maya, I guess it's just you and me," Michelle says, right before Maya vomits all over her.
The day -- I guess -- Kate and Michael walk down the street, eating popsicles and chatting about the dissolution of his relationship, and while Kate's hair is still in this adorable 1960s poufy headbanded 'do, her fringed Pucci shirt is just all wrong. For one thing, the colors are not very flattering, and while Alicia Silverstone's figure is absolutely adorable, this outfit does her no favors. To add to the nitpicking, the size and shape of the popsicles are changing from shot to shot and it's driving me crazy. On the positive side, however, Michael has shaved his horrible facial hair and he looks ever so much better. Seriously, why don't these two just do it and get it over with? Anyway, Michael tells Kate that he's really very happy without Amy. Kate pouts that she feels so bad about how that all worked out. She's really sort of dropped the ball as far as being a successful matchmaker for him goes. Michael is all, "Whatever." You silly girl. He wants you. Open your eyes! Kate tells him that when he feels ready again, she'll set him up with someone great. Free of charge! "I'm done with set-ups," Michael tells her, saying that meeting her was "worth at least half a dozen bad dates." Aw, that's so sweet. And yes, I have turned into a complete sap. Thanks for asking. Kate looks tremendously touched. "Really?" she asks. "Really," Michael says, and goes and asks her for a drink Friday night. "Sure!" Kate thrills. "Great! It's a date," Michael says. "Okay, it's a date," Kate responds, and then get back to walking down the street. You can just see the wheels in her head turning.
"So, is it a date?" Victoria asks, over at the Only Bar in Town. "I don't know," Kate squeals. I have so had this conversation. Victoria, by the way, looks like complete and total ass. She's wearing a one-armed football jersey. The one arm has a puffed sleeve. And it's brown. No, it looks worse than you can imagine. No, worse. No, seriously. Worse than that. "Do you want it to be?" Victoria asks. Kate admits that she's attracted to him. And she wasn't thrilled that he was with Amy. Oh, Kate. You want to bone him. Just admit it. Although it's true that wanting to bone your friend/client isn't always the best instinct. But when does anyone listen to her best instinct when boys are concerned? All too rarely. And I include myself in that data sampling. "Finally, the ugly truth comes out," Victoria says. "Of course, it could be absolutely nothing," Kate says. Yeah, I've said that. And what I meant was, "I am trying to save face in case it doesn't work out, but I have a bikini wax scheduled for this afternoon and my sheets are clean." Victoria swiftly assures Kate that Michael is into her, and advises her not to overthink their relationship. Easier said than done, Victoria. I admire those who can date without overthinking, because I am certainly not one of them. Am I oversharing in this recap, or what? Victoria grins. "You're beside yourself with joy," she purrs. Kate giggles and squeals that she isn't. Her cell phone rings; it's Michelle, and she's cranky. Because of the vomit. And she doesn't want to be set up anymore. "You can't just give up that easily," Kate implores her. Michelle thinks about it and agrees to give it one more try, but only if Kate finds someone "really amazing." Kate grins. "That's the spirit!" she says, and hangs up. Then she turns to Victoria and announces that she's tapped out. She doesn't know any more lesbians. "My last lesbian moved to New York. Telecommunications job," Victoria says. I'm house-sitting for my lesbian this weekend! But she has an adorable girlfriend. Also, she isn't fictional. So she's out. Kate wonders about "Pierced Eyebrow, the women who bartends at [Only Bar] on weekends." Victoria nods. "Georgia? She's cool. Knows everyone," she says, and offers, for a fee, to get Kate access to Georgia's Lesbian Black Book. Kate agrees, because she has an idea: "Girls' Night at the Sunset Lounge!"
Back at the office, Claire says the word "gyno" in front of Kate and Nick several times. Seriously, why is she still working there? Anyway, Jenna is in Kate's office. "Really?" Kate asks, and scurries off to investigate. "If my urologist stops by, I'm in a meeting," Nick says, and then he scampers off himself.
In Kate's office, a command performance of The Tears of a Gyno. Jenna's wearing pink and her hair is curly, so you know she's in love. She's also crying, which is another sign. Apparently, Karl has up and disappeared, and she doesn't know what to do. Kate and her purple Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress and charmingly teased hair sit to Jenna and ask what happened. Apparently, Karl was supposed to pick her up for Hawaii this morning and never showed. And guess who bought their tickets? Jenna. Wonder why he's not answering his cell? Kate's all, "You paid for the tickets? Wasn't this trip his idea?" It was, Jenna explains, but he forgot his credit card when they were at the travel agent's. Oh, dear. Girls. Don't ever trust a boy who drags you to a travel agent and then forces you to pay for his trip to scatter his dead wife's ashes, because the likelihood is that the wife died of embarrassment because her husband is a scam artist. Kate makes her "oh, shit" face, but assures Jenna that it's probably nothing. "Am I overreacting?" Jenna asks. Kate's like, not so much. She tells Jenna to try not to panic, and runs to get her a glass of water
So, In the kitchen, Kate's getting the water and she runs into Claire and Claire remembers something she forgot to tell her earlier: Karl's check bounced. Kate throws herself against the fridge in agony.
After the commercials, Kate and Nick meet with a potential client: Dina Meyer, all gussied up like a sex kitten and purring to boot. Nick, obviously, is smitten. Nick would, of course, be smitten by pretty much anything, but Dina is totally hot. Remember when she was sleeping with Brandon Walsh on and caused him all sorts of trouble? Those were some real good times. Anyway, blah blah blah, she wants to take her husband to the cleaners, or something. Really, her case is fairly boring: Dina -- here, her name is Lauren -- was "betrayed!" by her shitty husband, who cheated her out of their stake in the family sandal business. All you really need to know is that she's hot and also extremely brainy, and that Kate's happy to represent her.
, Kate pops into her office to talk to her PI, Ramon, who cracks me up. Also, he's hot, in a cheesy, satin-shirt-wearing, toothpick-chewing kinda way. He's been on the Karl case, and it turns out that both plane tickets to Hawaii were used, and the poor sad alleged widower checked into the hotel with a woman. And his credit is spotty at best. And he's lived all over the place, all cities where there are a lot of wealthy women. "A year ago, he bought a luxury condo in Brentwood and flipped it within a week," Roman tells her. Kate smirks that "God forbid he should miss out on the real estate boom." Ramon cocks a suggestive brow. "I bet getting that condo took a lot of boom boom, if you catch my drift," he tells her, looking hilariously pleased at his single entrendre. "I'm not sure I want to," Kate says politely, like she's refusing Parmesan on her Caesar salad. Ramon tells Kate his last bit of information: Karl had no dead wife. Kate purrs that she already guessed that. "Well, you're a smart lady," Ramon grins, with his best Joey Tribbiani "how you doing" expression. Heh. So Ramon turns to go, telling Kate that Karl will be back Thursday. "I'll be glad to be part of that welcome home committee," he offers, and Kate nods cheerfully. Hey, Kate? The PI is hot. Why don't you investigate getting you some of that?
Jerry's office. Kate lies on the sofa and wails that she can't believe Karl pulled the wool over her eyes. Kate, sweetie? Start doing background checks on your clients. All good yentas have a vetting process. "Why can't I be more like you?" she wails. "Hardened and cynical?" Jerry asks with a smile. "Dispassionate. Single-minded. A shark," Kate corrects him. Jerry thinks about this, and finally tells her that he thinks she could maybe become "a killer dolphin," but assures his daughter that her own style works for her. The shag carpeting in Jerry's office is awesome, by the way. Kate wonders if they could prosecute Karl. "Waste of time," Jerry tells her. The DA is too busy to help a single woman scammed out of two first-class tickets to Hawaii, he explains. Kate wails that Karl's been doing this to women for years. "If you feel so strongly about it, try the case yourself. Nail the love bandit for fraud. For inflicting emotional distress," Jerry suggests. "The Love Bandit?" Kate parrots. Jerry grins. "It has a nice ring to it," he says, and tells her that the worst thing that can happen is that she'll get laughed out of court. Kate is not comforted, and the situation only gets worse when Judy sweeps in, complaining about "the vomiting lesbian baby." Kate sighs and swears that she's working on the lesbians. Judy informs Kate that Kate knows nothing about the lesbian world. "There are many choices! There's butches, femmes, diesels, tomboys, your androgynous Glen or Glenda types, lipsticks. It's not one size fits all," she says. Kate swears again that the situation is under control. "I'm planning a ladies' night at the Sunset Lounge," she trills. At this, Judy looks thrilled, and Nick comes running in, drawn by the words "Ladies' Night." He wonders why he wasn't invited. "Because they're lesbians?" Kate says. "And the problem is?" Nick asks. The world rolls its collective eyes. Judy strokes Kate's hair. "You are such a beautiful girl. Why couldn't you be a lesbian? Unless there's something we don't know?" she asks, and both Kate and Judy look over at Jerry. "Honey?" he asks. Kate shrugs.
Cut to Ladies' Night. In a remarkably unsubtle moment, the DJ is actually playing "Ladies' Night (Oh, What a Night)." Kate's wearing a really cute red top with a dark denim jacket and an asymmetrical dark skirt with red cherries on it, and carrying a red clutch. Much like Clueless, this show makes me want to shop. Anyway, The Sunset Lounge is full of hot chicks. Kate sweeps up to the bar, and Victoria squeals that this is fun. "Plus, I've gotten twice my usual tips and an invitation to a hot tub party in the hills!"
Her requisite interaction with Victoria out of the way, Kate gets to work, kicking off our Montage of Lesbians. Lesbian One last dated a girl who didn't understand the significance of Lord of the Rings, and is still scarred by the experience. Lesbian Two is overly horny. In a nice shout-out to Darren Star, Lesbian Three looks like Miranda in the early seasons of Sex and the City, back when she dressed like a man, but, also like Miranda, Lesbian Three is not actually a lesbian. Lesbian Four is very attractive, and funny and well-spoken, and sort of talks like Rhoda Morgenstern. Kate loves her.
Soon, Kate arrives home and walks into the adorable pink kitchen that I covet with all my heart, just as I covet her wardrobe and her freelance gig. She has a message on her machine from Michael, upgrading their drinks to dinner. Kate looks dreamy and barely manages not to jump up and down with glee.
LAX. Ramon and Kate are in a parking lot, staking out Karl the Snake. Kate offers Ramon some trail mix, but he thinks it's "just wrong" to bring health food on a stakeout. He takes some anyway and chews thoughtfully as he explains that he's sure the Mercedes they're watching is Karl's: "He cosigned his loan with some chick from Newport Beach." Kate shakes her head. "Who doubtless has no idea where he is right now," she crabs. She can't believe Karl can live his life like this. "This stuff sticks to your teeth," Ramon complains of the trail mix, as Karl and some chippie head to their car.
Kate and Ramon leap out of the car, and her outfit is oh-so-wrong. It's all burgundy, which isn't the problem. The problem is that it looks like a sack. You had me with the cherry blossom shirt, Kate, but you're losing me here. She confronts Karl by complimenting his tan. He plays dumb, and she responds by serving him with a complaint for civil fraud. "The time we see you will be in court," she snaps. Kate and Ramon share a self-satisfied "there!" look and head back to the car. Karl looks dumbfounded.
Fox and Associates. Kate tells Jenna that she wants to go over their testimony, because Karl is clever and Kate doesn't want to lose this case. Let's just not get into how fast and loose this show is about law and the legal practice, because…well, we'd be here all day, and I'm not watching it for lawyerly shenanigans as much as I am for light romantic comedy. It's really the perfect Saturday morning hangover show. Thank God for TiVo. Anyway, Jenna hesitantly announces that she doesn't know if she wants to testify. "Excuse me?" Kate squeaks, and hustles her into her office, where she tells Jenna that, without her testimony, they have no case. Jenna sniffles that maybe Karl just wanted to be alone to dispose of his wife's ashes. "Dr. Fuller, wake up," Kate says gently. "There were no ashes. Because there was no wife. He lied to you." Kate continues, telling Jenna that Karl came back from Hawaii with another woman, and says that if they don't stop him, he's going to continue to "destroy women's lives." Jenna sniffs and thinks about it, then agrees to go through with it. "I'm sorry," Kate says, very sweetly. "I'll be okay," Jenna sobs and leaves the office, pushing past Jerry. "Love Bandit victim?" he asks, and Kate nods. He announces that he needs to see her in his office…
…where Lauren agrees to retain them and talks them down ten percent on their hourly rate. She tells them this is a complicated case and she needs all their help. "I want to take this family for everything they're worth," she says.
So Kate walks Lauren to the elevator, doing her "thanks for choosing Fox and Associates" banter. Lauren turns and smiles at her and says that she really likes her. "You seem very competent and like someone I could be friends with," she says. Kate smiles and tells Lauren to feel free to call her, any time, about anything. "I might take you up on that," Lauren says, as she gets in the elevator. I do like that this show, while ostensibly about romance and whatnot, does put a nice emphasis on female friendships. It's hard enough to be single. A girl needs her girlfriends.
Later, Ramon and Kate are tooling around town, and he tells her that he thinks Karl got a woman to front the down payment for his Brentwood condo and then sold it right under her nose, running off with the cash. "Do you have any idea how much I despise this man?" Kate asks. Ramon is agreeing when Kate gets a call: it's Michelle, and her date with Joanna -- a.k.a. Lesbian Four -- was amazing. The only downside is how pleased her mother will be, she says. In fact, she and her mother are having lunch with Joanna in mere hours, and Michelle will be sure to call back with the scoop. Kate is thrilled. "So, when are you gonna hook me up?" Ramon wonders after she signs off. "You don't need my help, Ramon," Kate says. Ramon makes a face like, "The broad has a point."
At a posh Westside mansion, Kate and Ramon talk to Helene The Real Estate Agent, wondering if she remembers the condo she sold to Karl a while ago. "I'm not sure if I can help. My husband and I sell a lot of property," Helene says, but she promises to try…and she does in fact remember this particular transaction, although she wonders what a lawyer is doing digging into it. "It's a civil fraud case," Kate explains briefly. Helene tells Kate and Ramon that Karl was with a slightly older woman, and it appeared to be her cash they used to purchase the condo. She doesn't know how to reach the woman, but her name was "Bridget something." Helene remembers this, she says, because she was reading Bridget Jones's Diary at the time. The mysterious Bridget lived in Encino and drove a vintage Mercedes. That's all Helene remembers. Kate makes her Scrunchie Confused Face.
Back to the office. Judy is sitting at Kate's desk and yelling at her son on the phone. She hangs up and explains to the newly arrived Kate that he always makes her "completely meshuggener." Kate smiles nicely, but does ask that Judy give her chair back. "How was your lunch?" she asks. Judy complains that Michelle picked a fight with her during dessert. Apparently the fight was about Joanna: more specifically, about the fact that Judy thinks she's way out of Michelle's league. Kate's like, "What's wrong with you? Why would you say that to your daughter?" Judy rolls her eyes. "Kate, let's be realistic. Joanna is a glamorous lipstick lesbian. She is vice president of a movie studio. She's friends with Ellen. Michelle's a bohemian. Trust me, a month from now, Joanna is gonna be dating a beautiful young starlet with perfect breasts and Michelle is gonna be back on Zoloft. I'm just trying to spare her some heartache." Kate makes a sad face and argues that Michelle is an adult who ought to be allowed to make her own choices about her love life. "You're right," Judy says. "I'm too honest. It isn't always easy for people to hear the truth." She gets up and wonders if she'll see Kate "at the opening tonight." Kate puts on her hard-ass face and says she's going to smooth things over with Michelle, but Judy has to give Joanna a chance. "Deal?" Judy groans, and agrees.
Back at the office, Jerry eats fruit. Kate swings into the kitchen and tells him that Judy is impossible. Jerry is like, duh, but asks Kate to cut her some slack. "Her husband left her for a girl her daughter's age. I think she's just lonely." Kate muses that she ought to set Judy up. "That's an excellent idea. She needs a man. Just not me," Jerry says. Kate wonders if her father has an appropriate single friend. "Let me think about it. No," Jerry says, and takes off, his FDA suggested serving of fruit taken care of for the day.
The gallery opening. Michelle and Joanna hold hands and look dreamily at each other. Enter Kate -- in a questionable purple-striped strapless number -- and Judy in a hilarious tiger-print blouse. They chat with the lovers, and Joanna is very kind to Judy. And here's Joanna's dad, Morty! The group talks art, and Morty says he might buy something from Michelle for the den. He also gives Judy the old onceover, right before Joanna introduces Kate to Morty. "So, you're the one who corrupted my daughter," Morty cracks, and everyone laughs, except Judy, who goes all PFLAG on him and tells him that she's very proud of her daughter. "Everything about her!" she says. Morty apologizes and insists that he didn't mean to offend. "She seems like a great gal," he says. "She's not a gal, she's a woman," Judy retorts, to her daughter's great embarrassment. Michelle tells her mother to back off; she's not offended. "Well, then you have no respect for yourself," Judy says, and stomps away. "Can you go talk to her, please," Michelle asks Kate, and Kate makes a "who, me?" face, but instead of telling Michelle to go talk to her own damn mother, she scampers off and tells Judy that she misinterpreted Morty. "Oh, sweetheart, you see the best in everyone and I love that," Judy says. "But I will not stand around and allow some slick charmer to insult my daughter! Goodnight!" she yelps, and sails away. "Goodnight," Kate calls after her plaintively. Kate, I know it's the whole point of this show and all, but try to draw some boundaries between your own life and those of your clients.
Kate gets home to a ringing phone. It's, of course, Michael: They have one of their usual flirtatious phone conversations, and he tells her he has to help an old friend move, and he might be a little late for their dinner. But he's really looking forward to it. "Me too," Kate says. "What are you wearing?" he asks flirtatiously. "I'm hanging up now," Kate says, not knowing that the answer to that question is always "nothing," even if you're in sweats and a wife beater.
Over at the Los Angeles Superior Super-Speedy Court of Law, Kate's working the Love Bandit's trial in a tan corduroy suit and a red shirt that's far too cropped for the workplace, at least when the workplace is a courtroom. But let's not think about that. Kate questions a number of wealthy, slightly older women, all of whom tell the same sad tale: Karl pretended to be in love with them, got them to hand over a bunch of cash, and then bailed. Kate makes a series of sympathetic pouty faces, as Karl's counsel -- who looks sort of like Melissa Gilbert -- makes bored, annoyed ones. When she comes up for the cross-examination, Half Pint, Esquire asks the final sad woman, Jenna, if she's still warm for Karl's form. Jenna swears that she isn't, but not very convincingly. Half Pint certainly doesn't agree, especially since she's got this tape from Karl's answering machine from the very night before: it's Jenna, all mopey and sad and wanting to talk to Karl and maybe make out with him some more. Kate looks irritated, and also adorable. I don't know. I like this show a lot, but Alicia Silverstone isn't the most believable lawyer in the book. Matchmaker, yes. Legal eagle? Not so much.
Anyway, she does her perky best to question Karl. Basically, he's a big fat lying liar. He does apologize to Jenna from the stand, and poor Dr. Sob Story looks vaguely touched. Jenna, when a boy makes up a dead wife and then steals your money to take some other girl to Hawaii, it's best to skip the "sadness" stage of the break-up and move right into "blistering rage." Blah blah lawyerly blah -- how much do I not watch this show for the legalese? -- and the upshot is that Kate is like totally appalled that Karl is so heartlessly fleecing these women. "I gave them my love, Miss Fox. This is how they choose to pay me back," Karl offers. At this, Half Pint leaps up and agrees, arguing that there's no evidence that the condos, cars, and vacations were anything other than gifts to her client. Half Pint, by the way, is really acting her little heart out here. Sweetie, this isn't The Practice. But nice try. Anyway, everyone breaks for lunch.
Out in the hallway, Jenna apologizes to Kate for the answering machine message thing. "We’re not going to win this case, are we?" she asks. Kate makes sympathetic noises, but doesn't totally disagree. Coincidentally, the ladies run into Karl strolling out of the men's room. "Call me," he breathes at Jenna's neck. Kate looks grossed out.
Shortly thereafter, Kate gets a call from Joanna's dad, Morty Gold. He explains that he's calling to apologize about the other night, but Kate assures him that Judy is "oversensitive." Morty doesn't mind, he says, because that Judy Schiff's "got moxie." Kate's taking in this moxie comment when Ramon comes sliding up to her with something to tell her. Morty's still yapping, saying that he'd like to make it up to Judy. Kate, checking out Ramon, asks if she can call him back. "Sure. Gold's of Beverly Hills," Morty tells her. Kate wrinkles up her nose. "Isn't that a shoe store?" she asks. "Yeah, I own it," Morty responds. What's that I smell? Why, it's love for Morty and Judy. Love, and all-leather uppers. My very favorite smell in the world. Anyway. Ramon: he can't find the Elusive Bridget of the Brentwood Condo. Kate whines that she's totally going to lose this case without Bridget's testimony. Kate? Sweetie? Love your amber pin, but don't you think you should have gotten your star witness lined up, I don't know, BEFORE THE DAY OF THE TRIAL?
Back in the courtroom, Helene the Real Estate Agent testifies. Blah blah courtroom blah. We're running out of time for love, with all this lawyer hoo-ha going on!
Out in the hallway -- and don't ask how she got from the courtroom back to the hallway, and let's just assume the court is recessed -- Kate calls Judy and tells her to get her pretty little ass down to Gold's, because they're having the shoe sale of all time. Man, this girl knows how to multi-task. When Kate looks up from her off-duty matchmakery, she sees Karl and Real Estate Agent Helene Having a Moment at the drinking fountain. "Oh my God," Kate breathes, and swiftly dials Ramon, telling him that she needs him to check something for her.
And the thing you know, Kate's all questioning Helene the Real Estate Agent in the courtroom, and yes, Helene was the "Bridget" in question, and yes, she had a thing with Karl, and, yes, it was very traumatizing for her and blah blah blah, love hurts.
Gold's. Morty. Judy. Manolo Blahnik. True love.
Back in the courtroom, Karl is found guilty, and ordered to pay Jenna fifteen thousand for the whole tickets fiasco and an additional hundred grand for emotional distress. Jenna looks fairly thrilled, and Kate looks like she just found a pair of Jimmy Choos at Ross for fifteen bucks.
On the way outside, Jenna admits to Kate that she feels pretty stupid. "There are so many great men out there," Kate says, in the most amusing line of the night. "I don't want you to become jaded because of this one sociopath. I hope you'll let me set you up again." She swiftly adds that she's going to make sure to run complete background checks from here on out, but Jenna isn't really listening. She's watching Karl and Half Pint canoodle on the lawn. And she is disgusted! Do you hear me? Disgusted! I don’t know. I think Kate should at least offer Jenna a freebie to make up for, I don't know, the court costs, legal fees, and emotional drama and trauma.
So finally, finally, Kate gets to go on her date with Michael. And she is wearing an utterly phenomenal black sequined cocktail dress that I want very, very badly. Michael doesn't say anything about how spectacular she looks, though, and just leans in and kisses her cheek. He looks a little distracted, and tells her they have "a slight complication." The friend he helped him? She's having a tough time emotionally and tagged along for a drink. Kate looks somewhat taken aback, as well she should, because, seriously, dude? Don't bring a chaperone on your first date. Especially another girl. Michael swears she's only going to stay for one drink, and Kate assures him, kindly, that she understands. "I think I told you about her once. She's my ex," Michael says. Bringing the ex on the first date? I think I understand why Michael needed a matchmaker now. "Wait, the one who married your best friend? THAT ex?" Kate asks. Yes, that ex. This keeps getting better and better. And there she is. And it's Lauren. Lauren and Kate stare at each other for a moment. "Kate's my new lawyer," Lauren finally tells Michael. "Really?" Michael asks. And then everyone just stares at each other as we go to credits. Hmm, this might be a problem.