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The great thing about living at Melrose Place is that with a stable of well-connected and attractive neighbors, you're never out for the count. Jonah now has a job at WPK, thanks to Ella, as their IT guy. Of course he does. Instead of capitalizing on the infinite potential of intra-office hanky panky, Ella decides to use Jonah to mine for information about Amanda's surveillance. Jonah has a bit of a moral hissy fit since Amanda had him sign a confidentiality agreement upon being hired, but Ella always gets her way before having one half of the Jonah/Riley monster (which I thankfully haven't taken to calling Jiley or Ronah) dismantle it with their supposed morals. Amanda is completely aware Ella had Jonah monitor information on their network, but she's completely OK with it and simply gives Ella one of the warnings she's so used to: screw up one more time and it's your ass. Ella's job is so not secure, guys. This ends -- as only working together with a friend can -- with Jonah quitting WPK and ending his friendship with Ella when he comes across an e-mail penned by her, commending the decision to screw Jonah out of his directing credit for the Boomkat music video a while back. Would've never guessed that would come back to haunt Elle.
While Jonah is off being a working man, Riley gets mixed up with Violet's sudden bullshit of a storyline involving an adopted brother/boyfriend who has tracked her down via Twitter (yes, really). He's scorned and totally hopped up on meth. Violet's not interested in any of that -- whether it be the familial connection, the promise of going back home, or any sort of secret romantic inklings with this guy. He tries to make it about owed money, but Riley steps in and pays him off just so he'll leave Violet alone. Crazy meth ex-brother/boyfriend busts into The Love Nest when Riley is alone and harasses her for interfering and refusing to divulge any info about who Auggie is in relation to Violet. Instead of inflicting physical harm to Riley, CME-B/B decides to just mess with Jonah's workstation and break stuff. That'll learn her. However, CME-B/B does strike a nerve when he smashes Jonah's video camera. Jonah comes home to find he is now utterly jobless. Way to protect The Nest, Riles.
Lauren and David are still trying out this whole dating thing. It seems to be going well, but Lauren's professional involvement with Michael finally comes to a head as David presses forward with his attempt to incriminate Dr. Mancini in Sydney's murder. Michael realizes David has stolen Sydney's bloody necklace from his car and, in a panicked final ploy, he decides to make Lauren pay for David's insubordination. He forges medical records to make it seem as though Lauren overlooked a patient's upcoming heart surgery in her prescription of blood-thinning medicine so he might have an excuse to dismiss her and her career. It seems that Lauren chooses to betray David and confide in Dr. Mancini about his kleptomania in favor of saving her own ass when she tells Michael about the necklace, which is at David's apartment since the police can't accept unlawfully obtained evidence, but it turns out to be a setup. Michael is intercepted by Detective Rodriguez as he tries to leave David's place after breaking in and stealing the necklace back. Case closed! Don't even check the blood on the necklace. Let's just move on, please.
Oh, hey, Amanda's still around. It was really important that we gave CME-B/B a lot of screen time, though. You understand. She's still in search of the mystery object she couldn't find in Sydney's apartment safe, but there'll be plenty of time for that now that she is MOVING BACK TO THE COMPLEX! MUAH HA HA HA! Exciting times ahead. Please?
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth think the cast members look like Wii avatars in TV is the Answer!
Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Have to address that this "Previously on Melrose Place" is getting out of hand. "Hi! I'M ELLA! Simms. Junior publicist!" and "JONAH! You are a hugely talented filmmaker!" Enough.
We begin this evening with the lovely Ms. Woodward on her phone, talking about the mystery object of interest she discovered was missing from Sydney's wall safe. She sits at her desk at WPK browsing through profiles of all of The Complex tenants on her computer until she stops on a profile of Michael Mancini. Suddenly, she knows exactly where she needs to be looking.
David and Lauren return from a date and stop by The Complex Pool to discuss the front row seats they just shared at a Kings Of Leon show. David would like to know if they will be having sex on fire after they share a long, passionate kiss, but Lauren has to decline because she has "rounds" very early in the morning. Actually, you know... she might really have rounds. We haven't seen much whorishness lately. Lauren begins to apologize for failing to live up to expectations since she knows most of David's dates don't end without humps. David shushes her affectionately. "You're totally different. [You're not a whore like those other girls.]" He kisses her goodnight and they part ways for the evening.
At The Love Nest of Nurtured Annoyance. Jonah spastically tries to put on a black tie though he is shirtless. Why? Jonah expounds that he has been given a pity job by Ella as the WPK IT guy. Riles is a little uncomfortable at the idea of Jonah going to work with Ella, but that's to be expected. Riley is uncomfortable at the idea of anything that isn't stupid and selfish. To top it off, she can't offer much help financially, since no one is hiring teachers mid-semester. Suddenly, and probably as a ploy to distract from her overall crappiness, Riley starts getting a little frisky. She admits to Jonah that she has a huge "Honey, I'm home" fantasy before laying him down on their bed and climbing on top of him. Get a room, you two. Nobody wants to see that.
Meanwhile, there's some friskiness going on at the Mansion Mancini. Michael is all over Vanessa until she somewhat inappropriately brings up David in the middle of it all. Yeah, please bring up my illegitimate son while I'm trying to sex you. Thanks. Michael is probably appreciative, however, that this raises a red flag in the perpetually ongoing battle of dimwits between father and son. The doctor is definitely distracted from the task at hand with Vanessa by this new information that David was snooping around his car. He asks to be excused for a minute so he can go out and check the status of his vehicle. He goes straight for where he had Sydney's bloody necklace stashed to find that it is now missing. Damn that cat burglar son of mine!
Cut to the necklace, which is in David's thieving hands. He puts it away in a drawer as he sips an alcoholic beverage. How diabolical.
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Jonah steps into WPK sporting an unfortunate purple outfit from the '90s topped off with the difficult black tie from earlier. He goes up to a WPK worker bee and asks for some directions and is promptly ignored. Jonah quips to no one in particular that he'll catch the guy later by the water cooler. Lame-o. Lucky for the guy who fancies himself a commanding enough personality to direct people himself, he is found by Ella, who saves him from the big, scary office. Before they get too far into what Jonah will be doing for WPK, he wants to be clear that there need to be some boundaries established between the two of them. He wants everything to be strictly professional. How presumptuous of this guy. Ella scoffs at the idea of them even getting the opportunity to interact while he's there. There are two types of workers at WPK: those who fill their clients' pockets with money and those who burn money. Based on this assertion, Ella is able to promise Jonah she will not molest him during his stay at WoodwardPK. Just as this charming exchange is reaching its climax, Amanda appears behind Ella. She asks if Jonah is a client, but Ella clarifies that he is likely a future star client, but Amanda is certainly not impressed with the loserishness of this man. Awesome how quickly Amanda has adjusted to the new Melrose climate.
While Jonah is off being a worker of a man, Riley is stuck at home being a sad panda. Just when you thought Riles couldn't be any more boring and grating, she gets her own little restless boredom montage until she decides to do the one active thing we always see her do: go for a run. As she's walking out of her apartment she finds Violet attempting to slide an envelope under her front door. It's repayment for the money Riley spent to bail Violet out of jail way back when. The girls exchange pleasantries briefly, but then Violet decides to take this opportunity to get catty about Riley's decision to turn in Auggie. She's utterly unforgiving and unconvincing at the same time. AS-W might just be an acting genius we can't comprehend because her style is so paradoxical. Chew on that. Again, we get another hilariously awkward mention of "Federales" as Violet describes how she assumes Auggie must've felt being raided and arrested in Mexico. A true friend would've never done what Riley did, says Violet. "How do you sleep at night?" Knowing Riley, probably with, like, nine teddy bears.
In his Porsche, David takes his sweet time on his way to the police station to turn in the evidence that is sure to put his dad away for good. Never mind that he stole that evidence and handing it directly to the police gives it no context and removes any definite connection to Dr. Mancini. These kids these days - they have no idea of the legal process, I tell ya. When in reality David was probably speeding on the highway, but we've just grown accustomed to him driving with privilege, Michael's Mercedes comes flying past David even faster, going eleventy million miles an hour and swerves to a stop in front of the Porsche. Michael gets out to confront David about the necklace he's sure David is about to take to the police. David's not backing down, though. As this becomes more clear to Michael, he retreats a bit, but then he goes to his ace in the hole. It would be a shame if Lauren were to lose her spot on Dr. Mancini's team at ULA. Oh, he wouldn't dare. Would he? Yeah, probably. Time to drive off triumphantly, Michael.
When he gets home, Michael finds Amanda waiting out in his front yard. They hug. Michael's curious why Amanda's back in LA after everything they went through before. She's back for WPK, of course, and also simply because she was bored out in the tropics. Amanda brings up Sydney and how she couldn't believe Syd's claim that her and Michael had reignited their passion. Michael's interested in how her and Sydney got to talking. There's a gem here. "Let me guess: You ran into each other at a support group for women who fake their own deaths." Amanda brushes this off and asks about the object she seeks. Michael sees an opportunity here to kill two birds with one stone and refers Amanda to David, since he was closer to Sydney leading up to her death. He lives in West Hollywood, he adds. "I think you know the address." What -- is she some sort of GPS power user? I don't get it.
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Coal. We are forced to watch about ten different drinks being mixed in close-up. Actually, now that I think of it, this is probably a more entertaining intro to this scene than watching Violet do anything. She gathers up the drinks she's just mixed when a messy-looking guy comes up to her at the bar with an air of familiarity. His name is Levi. He talks about tracking her down through Twitter, simply through her mention of Coal once. That's some nice sleuthing there, Creepy McCreepington. He sounds like he's Violet's brother, though, as he implores her to come back home, so that's OK. Wait, wait -- now he's talking about them being together. What craziness hast thou wrought, Violet?! She puts a stop to all of this. Violet claims she's different now, and the wounded Levi plays off being spurned. He'll pass on her salutations to everyone back home, he says. Poor brother/ex-boyfriend.
WPK. Ella walks into a very pretty server room where Jonah sits alone surrounded by iMacs. She's more than obviously hoping to be a little distracting as she brings him a slice of cake. The inner nerd in Jonah can't be bothered with promises of sweets and sexiness in the presence of such machinery. He's really impressed with the video conferencing power WPK boasts in that little room and their surveillance capabilities. This gets Ella thinking. She wonders aloud if Jonah could sort of possibly maybe probably not check out emails that mention her so she can find out exactly what Amanda is stalking her about. Jonah's do-gooder sense goes off. He signed a confidentiality agreement with Amanda when he started at WPK, and by golly he's going to honor that thing. Time for Ella to do her persuasion thing again. Time for Ella to explain how her job is at risk again. Time for Ella to get a new story device again, please. "I don't ask you for a lot of favors," she says to Jonah (really?), "but I'm asking you now. Help me keep my job. [Again.]"
ULA. David swoops into Lauren to ask her frantically if she's done anything lately to jeopardize her job. It's an odd question to the straight-shooter future Dr. Whore. She doesn't give any credence to David's concern. Still, David asks Lauren to promise she'll be careful. Promises like that are never broken.
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David enters the police department and makes a beeline straight for Detective Rodriguez's office. He tries to hand off the necklace, but Rodriguez seems irritated as he declares they have apprehended Auggie and the case is closed. This does not compute for David since he has definite clear-cut evidence that his father is the real murderer and he has it right here, right now. Rod finally snaps at David. You mean the evidence you unlawfully obtained, which would be inadmissible in a court of law? However, Rod is not entirely above getting his man through underhanded means... Wait, let me rephrase that. Rod is not entirely above grabbing men's penises with an underhanded grip. He tells David that if he were to find that evidence on Michael's person somehow, they'd be in business. Wink implied.
ULA. Lauren looks over X-rays while Michael eyes her from elsewhere in the room. He feigns casualness as he begins to question Lauren's judgment on prescribing medication with blood-thinning effects to a patient who was about to undergo heart surgery. Lauren insists she did not see any upcoming surgeries on that particular patient's chart. The fact of the matter, says Michael, is that it was on the chart (probably not really) and she overlooked it. A potentially fatal mistake like this could be grounds for dismissing her from Michael's team and could potentially end her career. You're on thin ice now, Lauren. Don't worry, though, I have a guide to help you get through this.
Back in the Tech Heart of Darkness at WPK, Ella checks in with Jonah to see how the hacking is going. He's printed out a message for her that has profiled her place in the company. It's fairly innocuous, stating she simply needs to secure clients with higher cache to cement her status. Ella's pleased with this, so she's ready to go on with her day. She instructs Jonah to make sure he covers his digital footsteps and leaves. As Jonah's about to do so, a particular message catches his eye. It's addressed to Caleb from Ella regarding the director's credit for the Boomkat music video Jonah worked on. The message praises Caleb's decision to screw Jonah out of his credit. Jonah has one of his rare "Aww hell to da naw" moments.
Violet comes home to her apartment looking particularly yuck to find Levi has broken into her place and is now repairing her kitchen sink. With enemies like these, who needs friends? Violet, unable to appreciate a good thing, asks Levi to leave. He doesn't believe she really thinks he's going back to Oregon empty-handed. Violet's crazy eyes have stopped dead in her head with concern.
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Back at Semi-Incest Theater, Levi tells Violet he thought they'd always be together. He reveals that he is, in fact, Violet's adopted brother and that her loving is what kept him off crystal meth. Wow, delicious to think that Violet is the stable one in this exchange. She's going to great lengths to cut off all of Levi's avenues of sticking around, but she is not financially well-off enough to pay him some money she owes him. He thinks he should be able to move in with her to make it all even-steven. Just then Riley walks in and immediately realizes she's stepped into a tense situation. Violet tries to play it off, but Levi lets a little bit of his crazy out. He insists on an arrangement where he'll end up living with Violet to make up for her debt. Quick-thinking Riley (AKA Oxymoron) asks Levi how much Violet owes him and promptly reaches into her purse to pull out enough cash to cover the amount. The dumbfounded guy's hand is forced. He leaves, but not before directing at Riley: "I don't know why you're helping her. She's a manipulative bitch." Yeah, we don't know why she's helping her either, man. Violet asks Riley to keep this whole ordeal a secret and to especially keep it away from Auggie.
Amanda stands out alone by The Complex Pool, maybe caught in a reverie of days past. She's standing right where she'll happen to run into David who is coming back through the courtyard after checking his mail. She starts talking to him and David is confused about who this cougarish dame is and why she is talking about living in his rather exclusive apartment complex. Amanda clarifies that she knew Michael and Sydney back when they all used to live there. David takes this opportunity after hearing two names he's not too fond of associated with this woman to throw out a barb. "Was there something in the chlorine back then that made you guys all so twisted?" I'm holding off on giving any sort of kudos for that tiny bit of wit until I see evidence it wasn't a fluke. Amanda fires back that it's somewhat twisted to steal art to make a living. David's taken aback until Amanda explains she knows this because she was close with Sydney leading up to her death. Weren't we all? Having David off balance, she asks him the favor of helping her locate whatever it is she's looking for from Sydney's safe. That doesn't rub David the right way since Amanda has just accused him of being a thief. He passes on the request, so Amanda lets him know she might keep an eye on him to make sure his thieving ways don't hurt the community. She leaves as David receives a text from Lauren, asking him to meet her at the hospital.
Outside of ULA, Lauren meets David so they can have a little hush-hush conspiracy theory pow-wow. Lauren fills David in on what happened with Michael earlier and wants to know if there's any way Dr. Mancini would falsify records. Of course he would. David lets Lauren in on his belief that Michael is Syd's murderer and presents her with all he knows, but this also means he has to admit to Lauren that he stole again after he vowed to her he wouldn't. She's definitely upset about it and her trust in him and his theory is shaken. Lauren bluntly points out that he's asking her to trust a thief over a world-renowned cardiologist. Wow. Even if you're being utterly literal, that's a harsh thing to say to a friend and potential lover's face. David takes offense and leaves Lauren to ponder her career's likely demise if she doesn't take action against Michael.
WPK. As Ella types away on her iMac, oblivious to what is coming, Jonah broods in her office door frame. Elle volleys some teasing about expired anti-virus software being the reason for Jonah's woes, but he ignores it to go straight into asking for Ella's side of the Boomkat director credit story. She repeats her story about simply being outranked on the matter and Jonah debunks her with his source being "EllaSimms@wpk.backstabbingliars.com." That's a totally impractical domain name, guys. Ella tries defending herself by saying that email was taken out context and that Jonah needs to concern himself with the big picture: Ella avoiding failure ensures Jonah's future success. He's doesn't want to hear it. And he's totally stupid for it. He burns the bridge, firing Ella as his publicist, agent and friend. Jonah: The Amazing Dumbass, ladies and gentleman.
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Michael's in his office at the hospital when there's a knock at the door. It's Lauren. She'd like to have a word about David. She spills to Michael that David has been stealing for a long time and she knows he has broken into Michael's car to steal Sydney's necklace. She plays off any suspicion that she's telling on David to save her own professional ass by saying she is just worried about him and would like to say something to him when they go out to dinner tonight. She'd like Michael to reach out to him as well. Oh, he will. He'll reach out to David's empty apartment.
WoodwardPK. Ella intercepts Amanda to find out if Jonah told her anything about his spying before he quit. Amanda plays with Ella's fear a little bit and refers to a confession she got from Jonah when he left, but it was simply a resignation stating he couldn't meet the time demands of the job. Ella's relieved until Amanda reveals she knows exactly why Elle has turned up the heat on trying to sign major clients today. Amanda's computer is set up to monitor any accessing of her files. Ella is speechless and completely confused why she is still there with a working security card. It's because Amanda is impressed with how cutthroat Ella has shown herself to be, throwing a friend under the bus to find out what she needs to do to be successful. Amanda wants to see just how far Ella will go. You and me both, Amanderz.
Riley comes home to an empty Love Nest. Jonah's out at happy hour with a friend after quitting his job. Must be nice. As Riley goes to shut her front door, Levi kicks it open. He wants to know who Auggie is, since he heard her and Violet talking about him after he left Violet's apartment earlier. Riley doesn't understand why Levi would care since he's Violet's brother. Adopted brother. Ew. Levi and Riley stare back at each other for a beat with equally vapid and hilarious looks on their faces. Riley asks him just to leave now that he has his money. Levi's not having that. "If you don't want to tell me the truth, I'm going to make you pay for it." He gets a running start and dashes over to Jonah workstation, where he just starts rustling stuff around. He's Rustle Russell, this guy! Riles asks him semi-sternly to stop before threatening to call the cops. Just then Violet busts in with a baseball bat and reinforces Riley's threat to call the police. Violet, you're turning violent! Levi gives up, but not before smashing Jonah's video camera on the ground. He leaves Riley to stare up at Violet helplessly as she crouches over the ruins of Jonah's videographer job.
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Back at the site of The Great Video Camera Crash of '09, Riley and Violet remain crouched over the debris. Violet apologizes for bringing this on Riley until Jonah walks in. Riley tells Violet that it'll be OK and she can leave. Jonah asks what happened and Riley has to explain that this is the result of a freakout by Violet's brother/boyfriend. Jonah quips that he's not fazed by Violet having someone of that type of dual relation, but he's not amused that Riley continues to choose to get mixed up with Violet's craziness. This time it cost Jonah his videographer business. It'll all be OK, says Riley, since he still has his job at WPK. Time for Jonah to come clean. He explains that he didn't trust Ella anymore and had to quit. Riley surprisingly defends Ella's good intentions for Jonah, but he's not hearing it. A wall is going up between him and Ella. Jonah feels the need to clarify this will indeed be a figurative wall as he can't afford a real one. Wow, even Jonah doesn't hold Riley's intelligence in high regard.
Fade to nighttime where Michael is rummaging through David's possessions in his empty apartment. He finally finds the bloody necklace and stashes it in his pocket. He hears a noise and turns to find Detective Rodriguez accompanied by a few officers pointing guns at the doctor. Michael tries to lie that he has permission to be there, but Rod's there on a tip from David himself. Sucks to be you, Michael. They cuff him and confiscate the necklace, which Michael claims is not his. Pfft! Duh, Michael. It's Sydney's.
It's an unreasonably bright day shot to The Complex Pool where David is stroking Lauren's hair. He thanks her for trusting him and they discuss Lauren's being disillusioned by her former hero being a supposed murderer. Lauren believes she has a better understanding of who David is as a result of finding out who Michael really is. They kiss. Ella interrupts them to complain that David summoned her out there by text only for her to happen upon their PDA. Turns out David texted everyone to come out to The Complex Pool so he could announce his father's arrest and Auggie's impending exoneration. Ella: "I hope there's a greeting card for 'Sorry we all thought you stabbed the landlord to death.'" They pour a toast of tequila "to justice" just in time for Amanda to walk up to them and crash the party. Ella and David are none too pleased to see her and are further displeased when Amanda reveals her red-eye flight to New York tonight is only so she can go get her things. She's moving into Sydney's penthouse thanks to Jane. "You know the truth is, I really missed this place. And I can't wait to become a part of each and every one of your lives." We zoom into Amanda's perpetually plastic smirk.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth think the cast members look like Wii avatars in TV is the Answer!
Pablo G. is some guy who lives in San Antonio, Texas. Check him out at Space Monkeys!, Obscure Sports Reference, and follow him @PendejoJoe on Twitter.