Hi. It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks for me, kids. Recappers, as much as we hide our sensitive underbellies, are actually people, too...deep down in there. So, I'm just going to say right here that I'm probably going to take it easier on crybaby Trevor this episode because I'm feeling the boy, okay? I promise by week I'll be ready to tackle O-Town with the ferocity of a mother wolf. But this week, I'll save the venom for Ashley. Here goes.
Okay, first of all, having those Osbourne kids host The Hook Up was a brilliant idea. They couldn't be any stiffer, and they say the word "O-Town" like they're trying to interpret German.
Do I have to do the "coming up " part? Because I'm fixing to recap the episode, so I'll just be recapping some of it twice. I'm not going to recap it. I don't want to spoil the fun, you see. Here's a hint: Trevor yells at Ashley for rocking out without a monitor. Ashley goes to Hollywood to act in a basement blackbox in Compton. A very ugly man talks to Ashley. A tight close-up on Ashley reveals that the makeup rigors of this show are taking their toll on his sweet skin. Give that boy some exfoliant.
Ah, the opening credits. I can't find anything new to pick on this week. Wait. Give me a minute. Hold on....Just a second...Oh, it's the word "performers." That's the thing this week. I think it's a bit misleading right in the beginning to call them "performers," but I do appreciate that they don't call them "musicians," "singers," "dancers," or "talented." Also, I think they keep changing the footage inside those tiny squares. I never noticed the Jacob/Janie kiss before.
There's a strange quiet moment while all of the boys Abbey Road through a dressing room. Ashley complains about having the headache of the century. Trevor asks what was "up" with "Love Should Be A Crime." Surprisingly, he's discussing one particular moment of the song, rather than just breaking down and confessing that it really shouldn't be sung or performed by anybody anywhere ever because it's a horrible collection of notes. The screen freezes on one side in a flashback to show Ashley rocking out with his guitar while Trevor points at him and looks to the other boys to see if they notice how horrible Ashley is performing. Ashley confesses that his ear pack wasn't working and he "don't [sic] have no reception" at all. Trevor then uses his hands to illustrate where the rest of them were singing the song, and where Ash was singing the song. I can't stop looking at the arm sleeves that Trevor is wearing. Is he a stripper? I don't get it. Ashley then tells the boys that he doesn't have "any ears," so he was just trying the best he could to sing while deaf. Suddenly it's Ashley and Silent Mike arguing in a bathroom. Silent Mike tells Ashley that he's got to tell someone he's got a problem when he's got a problem. Ashley says he did tell someone. It sounds like Ashley yells, "I told Puck six times last show." You can't tell anyone named Puck anything. That's Life Lesson #9. I just gave you that for free. Flash to Ashley and Trevor arguing again. Trevor tells Ashley to tell Puck there's a problem and to be specific when there's a problem instead of just whining, "I have no ears!" Ashley tries to interrupt Trevor, but Trevor knocks him down with a stare. Then Ashley curses and says he was just telling them what happened. Ashley starts to unbuckle his pants and walks over to the urinal. Ashley says the word "fucking" again, but Silent Mike, Trevor, and Ashley are all arguing at the same time, so it's hard to figure out what's going on. Okay, really, I'm just holding my breath waiting for Ashley to pull out his dick, so I'm not listening to a word of this fight. Do it, Ashley! Whip it out! Instead, Ashley says this sentence: "Try to play rhythm guitar, sing a harmony on pitch, when your ears keep going 'Chi-choo-chi-choo-chi-choo!' I did the best of my ability." Trevor answers, "But there's no excuse that you can't not do it right [sic]." Whatever that means. Trevor tells us that he can't stand how the tour is going so far. He says he needs a few days off.
Ashley is still pleading, telling the guys he's trying to explain the "why" and "how come" of his sucking. Jacob says that Ashley's been making excuses for the past four shows. Ashley says that if he tells them what happened, they're just going to call it his "excuse." Because what you're saying is called an excuse, Ashley. I love Jacob's bit: "When you're having a problem, when your ears start glitching? You can't focus. You have chronically messed-up timing." Thank you, Dr. Underwood. That'll be $300, kid. Ashley rubs his temples. He tells us that everybody has a "messed-up show." He admits to us that, right now, he wishes they'd all get off his back.
Chuck James is a talent agency at Gersh. He doesn't know me. I don't know him. I don't know who told him about Making the Band. I don't know who he's trying to impress or what he thought would change about his life by getting on this show, but the boy prepared for his day in front of the cameras. He's wearing so much pancake the IHOP on my street closed for inventory. Ashley meets him in some wet alley and makes a big deal about how great it is that Chuck "flew out." Chuck makes the same big deal, so you know they probably filmed this in Los Angeles, but said some scripted lines so it looked like Chuck actually cared or knew who Ashley was. "The show was great," Chuck starts. Ashley asks if Chuck really thinks that. "I loved it!" Chuck lies. You can tell because he actually flinches while he says it. Chuck has sideburns that aren't attached to his hairline. Ashley discusses the "weird technical stuff" as an excuse for his crappy performance. You know, like the lighting, and how they focused the lights so you could see him. Or the sound guy, who turned on Ashley's mic so you could hear him. Ashley says he's pretty sure it wasn't anything that the audience would have noticed. "No, no way," Chuck continues lying, since he wasn't anywhere near that building while O-Town was onstage. Chuck makes a graceful segue into asking Ashley if he's going to have a couple of days off to come out to Los Angeles. Ashley says he does. He says he talked to "them" about it, and everything is set. He's stoked. He says he got some scripts that Chuck sent him, and pretty soon he'll have someone tell him what they say since Ashley doesn't read too quickly. Ashley says he's really excited about all of this and can't wait. Ashley tells us that acting is something that's always been a dream of his. Silly us for thinking that being in a boy band was Ashley's dream. Ashley says that this is all really great since he has someone like Chuck supporting him. Ashley and Chuck just walk off, presumably to the airport to fly to Hollywood right then and there, because that's how dreams get started.
Stock footage of planes taking off, then landing, and then LAX. I'm not surprised to see the same stock footage that they used on Popstars to indicate "Hollywood." It involves a zoom in on Melrose Place (this tiny little side street off La Cienega), Trashy Lingerie (a pink store that's one block up from that shot of the Melrose Place sign), a shot of a revolving Earth (it's actually a copy place like Kinkos) and an exterior of the gate at Paramount Studios. Ashley says again that he's excited because Chuck has set him up with "a whole bunch of meetings."
Ashley shakes someone's hand (read: an assistant's hand) in a waiting room and is escorted to a conference room where another assistant has Ashley talk on tape for them. Ashley shakes the assistant's hand goodbye.
Ashley's cell phone tells him that he has an appointment at 10 at Paramount.
Ashley shakes the hands of more nameless people and then hides a pink purse under the table.
Ashley walks in front of a backdrop so that we can see just how perfectly he fits in this fake world where anything can happen. He strolls down some lot at Paramount as if you're allowed just to wander along these sets. Ashley can't even walk without it looking like he's acting.
Another meeting. I don't know what this is, but the sign behind the receptionist's head tells us that he's at ARKZf. I don't know what that means, either. The receptionist asks if Ashley has a picture and résumé. He doesn't. No headshot. No résumé. Even the bum outside my apartment named Travis has a headshot and résumé. He keeps asking me if I like his three-quarters or if I like the classic "head-on" angle. His three-quarters really looks more like him, and casting directors are really looking for more of a "natural" thing this year. The same guy who was to Ashley in an earlier "waiting-in-the-waiting-room" shot stares at Ashley like, "Nice one, douche. I'm so scoring this role out from under you, even though you've got these fancy camcorders following you around." Ashley tries to flirt with the receptionist, telling her that he doesn't have the headshot and résumé, the "license and registration" of Hollywood. The receptionist (who I think might be Melissa McCarthy pulling a joke on us) just stares at him as Ash tells us in a voice-over that he might not be the most prepared cat in town. "But I'm not gonna let that stop me," he says with a scary squint.
We see a plane approaching us in incredibly slow motion as we listen as Trevor and his dad have a phone conversation. Trevor has a couple of days off, and he'd like to spend some time in New York with his dad. Trevor's dad says he'll have to try to get the time off. He makes it sound like he knows that Trevor doesn't really understand the value of the dollar, and that obviously Trevor isn't doing well enough to let both of his parents retire like that nice girl Beyoncé did for her folks.
We see Trevor's dad and Trevor get into a cab. Trevor's dad has worn his finest white t-shirt for today's events. Trevor tells us that when things have gotten really tough in his life, it's his dad who always makes Trevor feel better. He says he needs to be around somebody who makes him feel like home right now. Trevor's dad tells him that being in O-Town is just like being in the armed forces. I thought PapaTrevor was referring to Lou Pearlman's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, but apparently he means all of the long hours, the rigorous schedules, and the homesickness. Trevor is already in tears. PapaTrevor tells Trevor that he'll get used to it.
Shot of Paramount again. Hello, He Lied, indeed. Ashley's at Lynda Obst Productions, for some reason, and a young woman (Production Executive Elizabeth Hooper) is over-enthusiastically blowing smoke up Ashley's ass, telling him how Ashley might want to break away from O-Town every once in a while and be his own very special person. Ashley says he'd love to get a supporting role in a feature film where people would walk away saying, "Wow, I didn't expect that from him." How is that any different than what he does now? Maybe he means the tone in which we say that sentence. Ashley tells us that sometimes he likes having people recognize him as an "individual" and not "Ashley, the blond-haired guy from O-Town." That's Mister Blond-Haired Guy From O-Town to you, buddy. ["Plus since only about fourteen people even know what O-Town is, and fewer than that know who's in it, I don't think he should worry so much about his public image." -- Wing Chun] Elizabeth tells Ashley that she's got a line outside the door of people who want an opportunity to showcase themselves, so she needs to see something actually resembling talent from young Angel here.
Establishing shots of New York. I've never been, so I can't tell you if they're misleading. PapaTrevor is showing young Trevor his old stomping grounds. Specifically, they're looking at the apartment PapaTrevor grew up in. Trevor explains again where they are, and then tells us that he's never been there before. "It's boarded up," PapaTrevor says. The room, which must be condemned at this point, has a giant piece of wood over the door. Trevor starts crying again as PapaTrevor tells him that there were eight people living in that tiny apartment. He gives that whole "it sounds bad" martyr speech, as if they actually put on tiny plays and made beautiful music together in there as if it wasn't all "me da's on the dole" as it seems. Trevor's crying again, and I wonder why Trevor's the only one showing actual emotion on this show this season. Trevor explains to us again what his father just said, but I understand English, so I don't need the recapping from Trevor. Then PapaTrevor scolds Trevor for trying to break into the apartment. Trevor's trying to rip down the piece of wood, but PapaTrevor pulls him away, saying that the room's probably demolished and that they'll get in trouble if he keeps it up. Trevor teases his dad for being scared. Trevor says that even if the cops were called, they wouldn't show up for five hours, anyway.
Random shot of an L.A. building exterior. Ashley's on the phone with Chuck. He's told that the meetings went "really well" and that Ashley made a "great impression." This means that nobody has any work for Ashley. I know this, but Ashley doesn't know this yet. Chuck says that a script "came across" his desk that he thinks would be perfect for Ashley. Ashley can't believe his luck, and is rolling all over his bed (with his shoes still on, by the way). Chuck asks Ashley if he can come in and read for the part. "This is happening fast," Ashley says. "It's awesome, though." Well, enjoy it now because tomorrow you'll be hearing crickets, baby. That's the sound of Hollywood. Crickets and the slow sounds of molasses flowing over your dreams. Ashley tells us again that this is all happening "really fast," and since he has no real time to do any of this, he's going to "hit the ground running." Ashley has a pillow fight all by himself. The saddest, most deluded pillow fight there ever was.
I love the twelve-minute commercial break MTV fits in here. Love it, love it, love it. A recapper's wet dream.
Establishing shots of Orlando. DisneyWorld. Then, suddenly, we're at O-Manor. Dan gets a text message on his phone that says Ashley wants him to call, but at the same time, Ashley's calling on the phone. Okay. Erik misses Ashley so much that he's strumming Ashley's guitar. Both Erik and the guitar ditched in one weekend for greener pastures. Poor Erik. Poor guitar. Erik is obviously jealous that Ashley has chosen Dan to be the first one he calls to celebrate. Ashley brags that he's got all this big-time Hollywood stuff happening. Obviously, he's not allowed to say anybody's name over the camera, so he just throws a bunch of words together like "director" and "part" and "offer," and then says that they didn't offer him the part yet, and then you realize that Ashley is really just stoked that he landed an audition for a role that so many people are going to audition for that my cat's got a better chance of landing it. Dan asks if Ashley's talked to Mike or Mike or J Records or anybody that will probably immediately say, "Get back on the Stairmaster and practice your 'Girl' lip-synching!" Ashley admits that he hasn't told any of the Mikes about what's going on. Dan reminds Ashley to get on the plane that he's scheduled to take home, and to call one of the Mikes to say what's going on. Dan hangs up with a "Peace!" and just like that, he's my least favorite O-Town member again. Dan tells us that he can't imagine the band without Ashley. The tears of pain on Erik's face tell us that he can't, either. "Maybe I could be the heartthrob," he wonders.
More establishing shots of Los Angeles as we hear Ja Rule play. Traffic. The Beverly Hills Hotel. A quick jaunt down the Walk of Fame (ignoring the homeless people and real, live people feces that decorate the road). Ashley driving through the Valley looking for Howard Fine (I think it might be on Melrose or Fairfax), a rip-off acting coach who's preyed on the weakest actors in La-La Land since Poopsy Carmichael took her historic plunge off the Hollywood Sign. And that ain't just whistling "Dixie," kid. I said to her, I said, "Poopsie! What keeps ya so young?" She said to me, she said, "I'm twelve!" That's the Hollywood voice we use when we're getting "so L.A." Like a Hollywood Gangsta. I shouldn't recap after midnight. Makes me loopy.
The Howard Fine Acting Studio is a basement blackbox place that is full of shit. This entire scene is full of shit. I hope Howard Fine has trouble sleeping at night. He's wearing a purple sweatshirt and his hair is spiked. Ashley and Howard take chairs on the "stage" and get down to business. Ashley basically reads from the sides to tell Howard the character description. It's a "pied piper" of parties. "That he's charming, impish. Attention is like oxygen to him." Yeah, Ashley's reading this. Howard tells Ashley that the first thing "we" do is to stop talking in the third person. This impish, oxygenated piper is Ashley, so Ashley must refer to him as "I," or even "me." "Because I'm Michael," Ashley ever-so-slowly starts to understand. Howard says that every scene is a tug-of-war, and to illustrate that fact, Ashley and Howard will read the lines while pulling on each other's hands. Howard, I understand. I'd find a way to hold Ashley's hand and have him pull me close, too. No matter how lame it might be. But yours really takes the Lame Cake. "We're not gonna use very much pressure at all," Howard says, which is my favorite line of the episode. Ashley has a hard time pulling while reading. Howard practically pulls Ashley's mouth to his crotch. Ashley probably figured that's the first rule in Hollywood and was surprised to see Howard pushing back into his arms. Howard's screaming, "Let it go!" but Ashley can't read so he's all stilted and it's horrible to watch and I can't believe this is Ashley's life. Ashley, come over here and I'll give you some free acting lessons. We'll do Method. We'll do some Emotional Recall. We'll do some Alexander Technique. I'll have you equating your father's lack of love and emotion to the mating call of a meerkat to the "Oh, that this too, too solid flesh would melt" speech in no time. Howard's pleased. Ashley sums it up: "I'm like, 'Wow.'" Ashley tells Howard that it's tough to do that when he's got to read the words off the page. Howard says that Ashley's got the script right there, so nothing could go wrong. This guy is such a hack. Ashley -- everything will go wrong. You've got a day with the script. Learn the six lines on the side, you lazy shit. Man, I have to stop recapping this late. I'm pissy. Ashley tells us that there's a lot of work involved in becoming an actor. Yeah, I watched The It Factor. That's a reality show about actors trying to make it in New York. Kind of like Making the Band, but instead of music it's...wait. I guess it is exactly like Making the Band now. And you're about as talented as that Kevin guy is. Ashley says that using this for his days off is totally worth it to him. Sorry, Mom and Shelli. Ashley's got no time for hos. Howard doesn't want to work with Ashley anymore, and instead of doing the full hour he's getting paid for, asks Ashley to come back later tonight to sit in on his "Master" class, which is a room full of people whose parents still pay for them to live in Hollywood.
Back to Trevor. They're at the St. Matthews Baptist Church, where Trevor's father's father used to be a deacon. Trevor and his father sit in on the tiny service, singing along. Trevor is all choked up again. Trevor tells us that listening to his dad talk about his father made him realize that someday his father won't be around, and Trevor will be talking about him, remembering him fondly, sharing stories with people. Watching Trevor cry, suddenly he's my favorite O-Town member. After an entire season of hating him so much. Now I realize how young he is. Trevor wipes his tears as someone announces that Trevor's dad (Clifton is his name) used to sing in the choir. He sang tenor. They all sing "This Little Light of Mine." Trevor knows all the words. I don't know if he meant to thump the Bible with the back of his hand as he sang, but that's what he did. Trevor tells us that it's easy to take things for granted, like his family, his friends, or his career. Trevor says he's going to appreciate things more.
Outside, Trevor teases his father for never telling him that he sang tenor in the choir. He says that's where he gets his musical background. Trevor's dad laughs, and just like that, Trevor's dad is my favorite member of O-Town.
Establishing shots of New York while the church singers finish up and we focus on the Statue of Liberty. This O-Town segment is dedicated to the survivors of New York City, for being strong enough in the face of O-Town, and for all survivors, heroes, and bad musicians everywhere. Strength. God. Peace. America. Subway. Trevor. Tears. And O-Town. God bless O-Town.
Ashley is late for his Master Class because he was Master Bating. Luckily, we get to flash-forward to where Ashley and "Renell" are acting out Ashley's big audition scene. It's mostly Ashley yelling at someone that they were nobody before they met Ashley. Blah blah blah drugscakes. Howard screams for Ashley to chase the other actor around the stage, which he does. The other actor's character's name is "Angel." What a coincidence. The students of the Master Class are like, "This is such bullshit. I bet that Backstreet Boy gets to be in the final showcase and the rest of us paid two thousand dollars to end up with one line each. Fascist fucker. I hate Howard." Howard watches Ashley's acting with a face that reads, "I could make millions off this kid's lack of talent. If only he had the disposable income for my Intro to Masters Acting, Intermediate Masters Acting, Masters Acting for Non-Majors, Preliminary Masters Acting, Postliminary Masters Acting, and Masters Acting for Writers. I could retire off this kid's emotionless acting palate." And Renell? Find yourself a new name, a new jacket, a new beard, and a new hobby. Ashley says that doing something "like that" is like "being onstage." Hee. I'm butchering his quote, but that's really what he says. Who wrote this scene? I feel so bad for the writer. "No! Not my words! My opus!" Howard screams for Ashley to "go for it!" Ashley decides to "go" by doubling over as if he has to "go." Maybe that kid's name is Purnell. Whatever it is, it's not getting any better. And neither is this acting scene. At one point, Ashley grabs Purnell/Burnell/Renell and turns him around. I can't believe Renell doesn't break down in sobs with some emotional breakthough remembering how his third-grade teacher never touched him or showed him signs of encouragement in Art Hour. There's some line about "Angel Wings" that's so bad I am furious that this is a script that might actually get made into a movie. The class applauds because they know Ashley and his camera crew will be leaving them soon (with headshots and résumés tucked into every available nook and cranny on their bodies). Ashley calls this "intense," and cocks his head to the side and asks us if we can imagine what this would be like to do for a living. To get paid to act. It's called "Being on Making the Band." And I think you've had the part for three years now, Ash.
Ashley goes to Chuck's office. Now, I really don't listen to much in this scene because just over Ashley's left shoulder is a doll. I think it's Chucky, from Child's Play. But here are all of the layers. This Chucky doll actually looks like Chuck, the agent from Gersh. So then I'm wondering if Chuck inspired the doll or if someone's being mean to Chuck. Then I notice that the doll really looks more like a sex doll with that strange open mouth with latex and shit. So, is it a Chucky blow-up doll that's been made in Chuck's image? Do you see the things keeping me from sleeping at night? Chuck tells Ashley that he can probably get Ashley an audition for this role (wait, what? Why did Ashley have to pay for an acting class if he didn't even have an audition yet?), but Chuck doesn't want to deliver Ashley if Ashley can't make the five-week shooting schedule. This is such bullshit. He tells Ashley to choose between the band and auditioning for a part. Auditioning for an "edgy, independent movie," which means that Ashley might get seen at the Idaho Frontier Independent Film Festival and Comedy Showcase. Chuck says that if Ashley goes in there and auditions today, he'll get them "all excited." Chuck is a fucking liar, Ashley. If they really wanted you, they'd find a way to have you, and Chuck would lie his ass off to those guys to get you in there. Ashley makes a fake "moan of exasperation," as the closed-captioning decides to call it. Chuck has a DVD on display on his desk, where a picture of a loved one should go. Poor Chuck. Ashley tells us that O-Town is his life, but that acting is something he always wanted to do. He says he doesn't know how he's going to choose.
Flashback on Trevor screaming at Ashley for fucking up their show.
Flashback of Ashley screaming that stupid "Angel Wings" line.
Flashback of Ashley making excuses to Trevor.
Flashback of thirty-two people applauding Ashley after his scene.
Cut to Ashley smiling, remembering how great it is to act in a crap-ass scene in a basement. Why not show a flashback of the crowd at the Britney concert? Ashley sighs a few times as we go to commercial.
I don't know if it's possible, but if you can watch Making the Band in Houston, the local commercial programming here is HY-sterical. This commercial for the King Fish Market alone is worth the price of the airplane ticket. Nobody wants to advertise during the O-No Half-hour.
Cut to O-Town, already in progress. Someone is telling Ashley that he has to leave Hollywood and go back to his job. I love how everyone pretends that Ashley doesn't have an entire crew with him. Silent Mike says that they'll all discuss it as a group when Ashley gets back. Ashley gives a tearful sigh from the comfort of his hotel room.
Trevor and his dad stop at one of Trevor's dad's favorite Soul Food joints. Trevor tells us that his dad has worked seventeen to twenty hours a day for twenty-eight years. Doing what? Give your papa some money, Trevor. That shit ain't right. Trevor says his dad never complains about his hours, and speculates that this must be what being an adult is like. Hours of bullshit, never complaining. I'd start speculating where your father is working if he's only home four hours a day. PapaTrevor tells Trevor to keep doing what he's doing. He tells him a few times. No shit, PapaTrevor. Make that kid clone himself and work two times so you don't have to eat mac and cheese from a serving line before your two hours of sleep a night. Trevor has the nerve to say that his job is tough. PapaTrevor goes on about the service again, and how Trevor will get used to it, and how it's important that Trevor save all this money (and give it to PapaTrevor). He tells Trevor that they all miss him as much as he misses them, but that what he's doing now is going to help him in life. Trevor pulls out two Knicks tickets and hands them to his dad. PapaTrevor is crazy proud of his son. "Right behind Spike Lee," Trevor boasts. PapaTrevor is practically in tears as he kisses his son and thanks him profusely. Trevor says that spending this time with his father has made him realize that O-Town is his new family. Heh. Sorry, PapaTrevor. Keep that ticket stub -- Trevor's got a new family now. Trevor and PapaTrevor kiss and tell each other that they love each other.
Establishing shots of ducks, I guess because Ashley's hopes are about to get shot down. Back in Orlando, the house has called a group meeting to tell Ashley he's got to get over himself. My mother takes one look at Jacob and shouts, "Yuck! Wash that hair!" I turn to her and say, "I know, Ma. I've been saying." She points to my laptop and says, "Can you put that in there? Tell him to take a shower. Does he read that? Does his mother read that? He needs to bathe. Tell him that." So, I just did. Jacob, my mom thinks you're gross. I could sum up this entire scene in one sentence. Silent Mike: "No, Ashley." He asks how Ashley could think he could get five weeks off when he only got ten days off all of last year. Take that, PapaTrevor. Ten damn days. Good thing Ashley spent two of his days meeting Hollywood folks instead of seeing the family that hates him and the girlfriend who only dates him to get on television. Ashley says he didn't expect all of this to happen when he got to Hollywood (sure he didn't), but then he "prepared, with, like, an acting coach," he says. He's all bragging that he was "ready to go" and then spins it so it doesn't sound like he was too shitty for Chuck to let him audition. Ashley says he wanted to know if there was any way he could do the part. "No," Silent Mike basically says. He says that they made a pact (I think they call it a "contract") that they were going to tour through this album and then write and record another one. So there's no time for Ash to flake off just to make a shitty film. Erik pouts and reminds Ashley that all the time off is going to be spent in the studio. "Studio" here means "Our love nest, Ashley, remember? Do I mean nothing to you anymore?" Jacob tells Ashley that they have to write another album. I'm sorry, did they write the first album? I was unaware of that Jacobian factoid. Jacob says they need to write for the album in the hopes that they'll get a "single on it," and if not, they'll just sing the songs as though they wrote them. Silent Mike reminds Ashley again that he only had ten days off. He says that if Ashley takes five weeks off while they promote the second album, he can kiss O-Town goodbye. Ashley nods, pouts, and reddens.
Oh, lordy. Bad music plays as Ashley plays tennis all by himself and Doogie Howsers a voice-over to us to the effect that he would like to act, but O-Town simply must come first in this stage of his life. We're "treated" to O-Town flashbacks in black and white of the boys all together. You know, the "family." Also we see flashbacks of Ashley's glory days in Hollywood. The half-assed auditions and workshops. The hotel rooms. The waiting. The horrible emoting. Ashley plays with his tennis racket. He only has two balls to hit, so they're mostly showing Ashley stalling as he tells us that he's got to let acting go for right now. He says that another role will come along.
Cut to Jacob and the boys in the kitchen listening to Ashley repeat what Silent Mike told all of them in the room. Jacob wears a stupid hat and tells Ashley that he made the right decision. He says that if Ashley were meant to be in that movie, then there wouldn't have been so many obstacles. Ashley agrees, "Totally." Trevor welcomes Ashley back and they hug. Earlier fight? History!
All happiness ensues at the Fleet Center in Boston, Mass. O-Town is fixing to light the stage on fire yet again, wrapping up the Britney tour, holding hands backstage. The five of them pose onstage in smoke, fog, and trick lighting, pretending to sing. We freeze here in time, preserving this moment before Ashley fucks up another song, before the fight backstage where Ashley makes another excuse and then wishes he was back with his real friends in L.A.
week, Ashley pretends to get lost and kidnapped in Germany. It looks so fake I think it might be staged with Ken dolls.