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I don't know what to say, here. I don't know what's going on with Making the Band. I don't know, people. I just don't know. What do I know? Nothing. Here goes.
We start with shots of fans screaming at O-Town. Concert. Screaming. The screen fake "cuts out" with "static" and "white noise." Then it's filled with the images of two girls who talk as if I'm about to call their 900 number line. One is named Brandi and the other is Theis (pronounced "total whore"). They coo and baby-talk that they are two of the biggest O-Town fans ever. We see them walk in front of the MTV building. They won some kind of mtv.com contest where they're going to do an online diary of O-Town. We watch a fake "briefing" in which the girls learn that they're going to do the cheap version of MTV's Diary. They're going to spend "three full days" with the boys to learn what it's like to live with O-Town. Didn't I just say that? How many times do they repeat everything? "Every girl's dream, right?" the MTV woman asks the girls. She's in way too close a close-up, and her cackle, which follows, scares my cat right out of the room. Maybe Theis is retarded. Maybe that's why she talks like that. "We have three days to get the inside scoop on our favorite guys," she says. Her head pops forward whenever she stresses, and she hardly opens her mouth when she talks. Also, she keeps having to look at Brandi every time she finishes a sentence, as if she's not sure if she's done talking. The girls are told that they're going to get an email per day with a specific assignment. This is also bullshit, since they're only going to be there for "three" days but they get, like, six assignments. The MTV girls keep reading from their scripts as they tell our new whores that they need to "go out there and have fun with it" because the "fans" are counting on them. They ask if the whores have any questions. "I have a question," Brandi coos with her hands clutched in front of her boobs. "Um, when's this gonna start?" Awkwardly, the MTV girls answer, "It's...gonna start immediately." This all looks so fake as the girls laugh. I guess they already had their suitcases packed? Oh, maybe they meant the torture of the opening credits will all start now, because that's what then happens. They slam some fake "MTV.com Fan Diary" sign over the Making the Band title. Why does MTV have to ruin this show so much? We know the show is on MTV now. Does this mean O-Town gets to go on Daria? (Is Daria still on?)
Suddenly we're in Minneapolis, and the girls have suitcases and are wearing winter clothes. They're being led onto the tour bus by Silent Mike. By the way, does Silent Mike only have one outfit? I know he just has the one hairstyle, but it seems like he's always wearing the same black turtleneck. Like a uniform. The MTV girls do these voice-overs as they pretend to read the girls' mission. I'm getting Road Rules flashbacks. Mission #1 is "Break the Ice." Silent Mike introduces the whores to the boys. Jacob looks pretty annoyed by the whole thing, and I really hate how I keep sympathizing with Jacob this entire season. Ashley makes a kissy face at Erik when he sees the girls. Erik smiles like he's high. Trevor moves right in with the handshakes. Luckily, he's sans stupid t-shirt today. "The girls are kinda cute," Ashley tells us with a squinty eye and a knowing nod of the head. "They're kinda cute," he repeats for no reason. Jacob's trying to ignore everything that happens on this bus. I bet he asks to ride with the "band" instead. We're told again why the whores are there, reminded about the online video diary, blah, blah we-got-itcakes. Silent Mike tells the guys to give these whores a bit of their time. Trevor offers to clear some space for them. "Me busa's su busa," Ashley says. No, he really does. Jacob keeps ignoring them. One of the whores says this doesn't all feel real. It must be Theis, because there's that strange, stilted way of talking as she says, "Just getting on the bus, we've already gotten closer than most fans ever get." She says "get" like "git."