By Jeff
Previously: The designers competed for chances to walk in Montreal's Fashion Week. Amanda and Branden won and took Mountaha and Colin with them. They all walked! Gabe has the hots for Amanda while Jordan hates her. The catwalk challenge was to walk as a beautiful freak, which proved surprisingly rigorous. CJ had a predictably bad attitude about it, but Shawn was the unlucky model to be eliminated.
Is anyone really buying that there is any heat at all between Gabe and Amanda? Granted, Gabe couldn't generate heat with a waffle iron, but I'm not really seeing anything with these two. Consider Project Confirm Model Attraction in progress. It's very early morning at the condos across the street from my gym, as the models are sleeping like angels. There's Branden dreaming about boobie wa-wa's. Suddenly, Tyson is there, decked out in full L.A. gay army regalia and banging a pot with a spoon. Salome looks like she's having a flashback to the monthly Mennonite mad-cow drills. She hated those. This is mean. He's really loud. Here's hoping the camera crew rustled these guys out of their deepest REM state before he started banging. Otherwise, this sort of shock could take several model years off a person. Weirdest product placement ever? Tyson ripping back the sheets on someone's bed to reveal a close-up of the tag on a Laura Ashley Home mattress by Abberley. Really? Kudos to the ad sales guy who even though of pitching this show to a mattress company. Tyson calls them all "maggots" and tells them that they have 3 minutes to get downstairs. This seems counterintuitive to the show. It's like breaking the hands of the designers on Project Runway before a challenge. "Yeah, let's make them look tired and shell-shocked before a photo challenge. That'll really bring out the best in them."
Outside, the models have to pile into the back of an army truck. Producers, you're reaching. Salome wonders if they're going to "hoe sweet potatoes," which is about the awesomest thing that she has ever said. The forums are a little mixed on Salome, but I think she's kind of adorable. I guess she can come off a little self-centered and insincere to some, but I'm buying it. She just talked to a bunch of models about sweet potato farming. After a bumpy ride, they arrive at a docked battleship. Okay, fine. It's military. Branden says that the ship has the biggest guns that he has seen in his life. I wanna make some joke about guns and whatever, but the guns on battleships are indeed very large.