Previously: The models had to look like athletes while being made-up to resemble partially dressed clowns. Kerryn is getting up in Colin's junk, while Gabe is attempting to get in Amanda's. Amanda won the challenge and is getting on everyone's nerves, especially Jordan's. Kerryn won immunity. Karen and Gabe (again!) were in the bottom two and Karen went home.
Tyson tells me that Maggie Rizer is sitting in for Catherine Malandrino this week. I love Maggie Rizer! It's morning time at the condos across the street from my gym, and a fully dressed Sandhurst tells the other models that there is a message for them on the computer. I thought it was a rule that the computer was checked each morning while naked. Sandhurst has no sense of history. The other boys and Laury seem to have a little more respect for the show and have the decency to show up at the computer while scantily clad. It's a video message from Tyson. Fancy. He tells them that he just got booked in London, so he's not going to be here for this challenge. [What, is everybody out of town? - Zach] He adds that a couple of the models will be making trips of their own, so he tells them to pack a bag to take to the photo challenge. Intriguing.
Nicole is waiting for the models when they arrive at a studio for the photo challenge. She tells them that Tyson has asked another model to replace him for this challenge. It's Michael Bergin! They show pictures of him as Nicole explains who it is. Ah, the '90s. Then, she pauses for a drum roll effect before he comes out. We just saw his pics, Nicole. I hope the models appreciated that. This is the dude who wrote the tacky tell-all about Carolyn Bissette Kennedy after she died. I thought that was sort of crappy. Shawn, of course, is the one model who seems to know exactly who Bergin is. It makes sense, Michael Bergin is like the Palmolive Lady for gays. He tells them that he is going to be mentoring the guys this week. I'm so glad they won't be alone.
Nicole begins the introduction for the challenge photographer, stating that her work has appeared in "many international titles." Her name is Indira Cesarine, which is completely not her birth name. This lady's name is Tracy Wilson. Seriously, look at her. No way her name is Indira. But, here comes "Indira." She tells the models that they need to let their inner selves shine and are going to be working with someone they know "very well." Ooh, I wonder if it's a mirror. Jordan interviews that she hopes she doesn't get paired with Amanda, because she hates "whiners." I get it, Amanda's a pill. Relax, Jordan. And... she pulls out a mirror. She says that she isn't looking for "pretty." Instead, she wants to see "memorable, confrontational and raw."
Salome interviews that she doesn't like to share her life with people, because then they know how to hurt you. That's sad. You can't live like that, Salome, all closed off. You have to be open to the world and other people -- you just need to learn how to exact revenge when they cross you. Man, these things just spill out of me. Watch out, Jerry Springer's bodyguard, who inexplicably is on my TV for an hour a day. Nicole explains that there will be two winners for this week's challenge, and the winners will have a chance to walk in Montreal Fashion Week. Montreal Fashion Week! Montreal Fashion Week? Really? Is that for housebound designers who can't make it to New York? No offense, Canadia. It just seems awfully close. Is there a Washington D.C. Fashion Week? That would be sort of the equivalent to me. The models are thrilled with the prize. Laury says that Fashion Week is huge (no matter where it is). Anyway, the winning models will go to Montreal and audition to walk in a show that evening. Branden interviews that this is huge and he has to win.
It's mentoring time. Nicole tells the girls that they need to expose something, like a secret. Michael tells the guys that they need to be "in touch" with themselves and "bring out what [they're] feeling inside." Watch out, ladies. Cecil B. DeMille here is going to take these guys right to the top. Then, they do a hands-in cheer thing and scream, "Go guys!" It's humiliating. Nicole tries to make it seem like it was somehow masculine by rolling her eyes and saying that they're "such men."
They begin the shoot. Jonathan goes first and interviews that he has come close to receiving immunity two weeks in a row. That's not enough, though -- they're looking for "a supermodel, not an average model." Amazing. I can't add anything to that. There are multiple levels of perfection in that statement, and the world is cotton candy and mud baths. He tells Indira that he recently lost a friend and has a lot of stuff "kicking around." She puts him in this hall of mirrors set and asks him to emote. Not a lot of stuff seems to be coming out. Maybe he merely lost his friend in a mall? Michael Bergin has a heart-to-heart with Jonathan and tells him to bring his emotion to his eyes. Then, and this is so uncomfortable, he tells him that he should act like his friend is in the mirror. See, this confuses me. Are you supposed to be reacting to your reflection like it's your friend or making your reflection look like your friend? Modeling is so fucking hard. Jonathan says that he discovered that he still has some emotions bottled up. So, he's going to explore avenues to find out how to deal with those emotions. Indira says that he was able to reveal a "protective" side. They show one of the shots and I see absolutely nothing protective in the shot. I see pretty gold blonde man. No protective.
Sandhurst is -- he tells us that he has hang-ups about his reflection. He tells Indira and Michael that, when he was 18, he tried to break into modeling but had a flare-up of keloid scars. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT Wikipedia that shit. You will so regret it. So Sandhurst thought that he couldn't model, and the mirror brings back that insecurity. Indira and Michael tell him he has beautiful skin now, but he's still pretty guarded during his shoot. He interviews that he knows he wasn't very good.
Indira asks Gabe if he considers himself a James Dean-type, mostly because he's sitting with his same blank stare. This dude does not learn. He's incredibly hot, but I'm ready to cut him loose. He interviews that he doesn't really show emotion. He had a great childhood, but then his father unexpectedly died of a brain tumor. He didn't even cry at his funeral. See, that seems like a problem you'd have before the death of your father. Michael asks him to scream and stuff and he is so flat and weird. He interviews that he felt really uncomfortable during the shoot.
Indira tells CJ to play with the mirror, and she replies, "Play with the mirror?" My first instinct is that she's going to completely bomb at this, but Indira likes what she's getting. Nicole tells her that she looks gorgeous and she "really opened up." Surprising. Branden asks Kerryn where Montreal is. "Canada?" Apparently, the presence of a father in the home is necessary to learn simple geography. Indira asks him what he wanted to be as a child -- a firefighter. He interviews that not having a father was difficult because "you need that manly side," not to mention the geography lessons. Indira has him run and look at the mirror like a fireman and it's awesome.
Laury stares in a hand-held mirror and her body language is really beautiful. Salome says, "I'm so scared of being in the bottom!" and grabs Mountaha, who tries to comfort her. Salome repeats in her interview that she was raised Mennonite, and her family thinks she's going to hell, so she has a lot of hurt inside. "If she wanted emotion, she got emotion." Nicole seems really impressed with her. Jordan tells Indira that she wants to feel "confident and intense and sexy." She's going to have to dig really deep to find those hidden, secretive emotions. Indira decides to take the easy route and asks her to show emotion. Nicole tries to help her by asking her to look "happy, sad, angry." This is so confusing. Jordan can't get it. She's stuck at "Look at my pretty party dress." Nicole and Indira are not happy. Nicole says that the challenge is not about beauty, it's about character and emotion. Jordan never gets it. She interviews that she is one of the strongest models in the house, but you can screw yourself by messing up once. This would certainly qualify.
In the waiting area, Colin is sitting on a table and says to Kerryn or everyone that he would prefer to not discuss his sexuality. Thank you for saying that, Colin. If only for once. Kerryn wraps a scarf around his neck and seductively asks him if he's uncomfortable. She interviews that Colin is awkward when girls touch him. He's waiting for a special girl, which is why she has promised him that she won't pressure him to punch his v-card in her clock. Wow. Kerryn is really just out there with herself, isn't she? I kinda like it. Still holding him close with the scarf, she wonders aloud if Colin will kiss her today or not. I love her. Then, she tries to kiss him on the neck and he pulls away. Salome's Mennonite is showing. She's scandalized. Kerryn laughs and says that she terrifies "this child." He laughs and says that it's not her -- Sandhurst finishes his sentence, "It's me!" I'm not sure Colin was actually going to say that, but it works. He has his hands behind his head like he's a) trying to look relaxed, or b) being arrested. He interviews that he and Kerryn have a very fun relationship, and he hopes that this prepares him for dealing with girls in the future. Is it possible for him to be this awkward? Then, Kerryn seriously puts her hand on his crotch and asks him if it scares him. Sandhurst whoops while Laury looks on in horror. Colin tries to play cool and breathes deeply like he's about to erupt, but I think he really wants to tell her to take her hand off his crotch. I mean, that can't really be sexy. But, maybe he thinks it's fun. She totally just wanted to be the first girl to touch his wang. For his shoot, he looked like he was working really hard to show some stuff. He interviews that he didn't spend a lot of time looking in the mirror as a youngster. Indira says that he's sort of awkward and growing into himself, but he might become a good model in time.
Kerryn has to hold a reflective ball like it's the world. She interviews that she loses all confidence when she looks at herself -- but immunity helps a lot with the confidence. Mountaha shows her feminine side in her photos, which Indira really likes. Mountaha looks at the proofs and asks Indira if one of them will be the winner. "I don't know about that." Oh, well. Shawn tells Indira that he's "the gay one." Eh. He wants to show raw emotion. He seems really jazzed and high-fives Indira. Then, he kind of does nothing. He acts like he's taking a really stubborn poopie. He interviews that he's 30 and this is his last (beyond last) chance of making it as a model. If he was 21 (17), it would be a different (similar, sorry) story. Seriously, he acts like he's pooping. He says that his motivation is his husband and his family. Michael looks totally bewildered and about to laugh. He has to tell a grunting Shawn to open his mouth and scream. Indira says that his shots were totally awkward, and she's hedging. She wants to say that he sucks.
Before her shoot, Amanda is sitting silently. Kerryn asks her if she's "getting into that place" for her shoot and she merely nods, like she's Sean Penn or something. She interviews that when she thinks about her son, she bawls. She's so ready for this. She explains to Indira that she has SO MUCH emotion, and you can tell that she wants to go on and on about her life story and such. Indira just cuts her off and is like, great, so why don't you be joyful and dance with yourself? That will show tons of emotion, don't you think? Her face drops and it's kind of funny. Thwarted in her attempt to spill more beans about her personal life, she remembers that she has her interviews!! She tells us that the shoot is not about her, it's about what the photog wants. Which is true. She looks good in her shoot and interviews that she gave Indira something that Indira didn't know she wanted.
Nicole gives everyone their photographs. Sandhurst's isn't great. He concurs. He says it looks like a guy standing to a mirror. Shawn's pic is of the only moment when he wasn't making a poopie face. He interviews that Indira didn't capture his amazing emotion. You know, he can look a little crazy sometimes. Jonathan likes his pic -- it looks good. Indira chooses Amanda, who is thrilled. Jordan interviews that Amanda's not going to win another fashion shoot, because she's not a good model. Stop, Jordan. You're starting to sound like an idiot. The winner is... Branden! He's totally psyched. He is the first guy to win a go-see! Amanda picks Mountaha to go with her. She didn't pick Kerryn, because she has immunity. Branden chooses Colin. Shawn, who seems to be on edge, says that Colin was a wasted choice, because he's not "ready" for Fashion Week. These people are almost making me believe that modeling is as hard as they say it is. Nicole says that, because this is an important go-see and they want the models to look their best, they will be going to the Maybelline studio for make-overs.
The girls get tips for natural make-up, while the boys are taught to rock out their hair. The stylist says they should have a look before they get to the go-see. Mountaha gets some mascara, which makes her look really cool. Afterwards, there is a lux bus to take them to Montreal. They are all thrilled. Amanda's all, "I made it!" and hugging the others. I was watching with someone who said, "Uh, it's a bus." Personally, I'd be really psyched too. It's like you're a band on tour!
At the condos, Jonathan is annoyed that Amanda won again. He says that she talks about herself a lot, which is true. Sandhurst says that Branden had been hoping that Amanda wouldn't win again. Jonathan takes that opportunity to say that he doesn't think Branden will get the job in Montreal. Shawn thinks he has a chance, Colin has no chance, Mountaha will get the job, and Amanda has a chance. Sandhurst replies that all he knows is that he isn't getting the job.
On the bus, Amanda tells us that she has never been to Canada before. She thought they would be the same as Americans, only they say "Eh" a lot. That's about right, yes? These guys say "Eh" with a French accent though. Once in Montreal, Cory Bautista is waiting for them. He explains that the girls will be auditioning for Christian Chenail Par Mus, while the go-see for the boys is Dinh Ba.
We see the go-sees simultaneously. Dinh Ba tells the boys that he wants a relaxed walk. Branden goes first and he loves him. Christian Chenail asks Amanda to walk like she's on the street and happy. She rocks it. He tells Mountaha that she has good legs, and she thanks him. Colin is and Dinh Ba asks him to loosen up. He wants more masculine and sexy. In his interview, we merely see him scratch his brow, for sexy is not part of smarty-pants virgin's vocabulary. But, he manages. Dinh Ba seems pleased, though I swear it's the same exact walk. Colin tries on clothes from Dinh Ba's line, and he loves the fit on Colin. It's a super-tight, low-cut, v-neck t-shirt. Including the various flamboyant catwalk get-ups he has worn, this is the gayest garment that Colin has ever worn. Christian tells the girls that both of them are hired! Dinh Ba tells both of the boys that they're booked! Does this seem arranged at all? Say, Christian Chenail and Dinh Ba traded spots in their show for face time on Bravo? It doesn't feel very organic.
Back in Brooklyn, Gabe says that he misses Amanda. Salome advises him to try to make out with Amanda. He smiles a little but otherwise offers no emotion, per usual. What must Gabe's insides be like? Does he think? Does he ever wonder about things?
In Montreal, we see a little episode of Colin chatting up a fellow model girl. He interviews that the women in Montreal are pretty. We only see him talking to the one girl, but Branden remarks that "the virgin of the house" is getting more than him. You know, being a virgin at 21 is not the hugest deal. You know what is? Being 21 and having an 18-year-old talk about you like you've been living in the basement your whole life. That's a huge deal. The girl Colin is talking to is French and tells him that she likes his body, then apologizes for her English. He laughs and says that he should have paid more attention in French class. He interviews that he's making progress, because now he's talking to girls. But, the girl is 16. He covers his face in shame in his interview. Maybe that's legal in Montreal?
Backstage at the shows, and there's lots of hustle and bustle. Then, the world stands still. While some lady is saying that Branden looks good in the clothes, he stands near a clothing rack and takes off his boxers. Branden is possessed of a really beautiful ass. It's... he's going to win this shit, ya'll. That ass is going to take him places. Mountaha says that backstage is crazy because everyone is speaking French.
Colin has to wear a yellow swim cap that's really funny. He says that he wasn't nervous walking. He looks a little stiff, but handsome. Amanda's walk is pretty fierce. Cory is sitting in the front row and seems to approve. Branden is wearing pants and looks awesome. Mountaha works that shit, too. Branden interviews that they rocked -- they're supermodels.
The models return to New York, and everyone seems pretty jealous that they all got booked. Jordan, of course, hates Amanda and says a chill ran up her spine when she heard her voice. Do you think these two will have an altercation? Laury, who is listed as "Unemployed," says that she congratulates them, but will be trying that much harder now.
At the catwalk, Nicole is wearing a corset and ratted hair. She says that some fashion shows are performance art. They will be drawing from the shows of Alexander McQueen and Maison Martin Margiela and styled as freaks. Their walk has to juxtapose their fashion. Nicole demonstrates for them. She does a traditional staggering Louis XIV thing. It looks good. Then, she has the models practice. Shawn goes first and looks like a troll -- Nicole tells him that he looks drunk. Jonathan and Amanda suck, too. Laury seems to get it and hits some really beautiful lines. Colin looks like he's blind. CJ is, of course, guarded. She interviews, "Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?" That's pretty funny, actually.
As they are getting styled, they keep on practicing, but it's awful. The show begins and Jordan is first. She has an interesting swagger to her walk, but it's certainly not avant-garde. Her booty is hanging out of her outfit, though. I've noticed that a lot of people on the forums have an issue -- her hips are pretty wide, aren't they? It's horrible to say, considering how small she really is. True, though. Jonathan is and seems really weird. For his pose as he's leaving, he pulls the pockets out from his pleated pants, making a flared look. Colin staggers down the runway . It's bad. He has a pretty strong pose as he's leaving and you see these freaky Marilyn Manson contacts that he and some of the other models are wearing. CJ is and does a cat-like walk. She says that she's not really comfortable and hopes to just get by this week. Kerryn is and says that she feels free to experiment, because she has immunity, though she still feels the need to impress the judges. Here's Shawn. He's wearing a ridiculous unitard, and his walk is really weird. He's holding something in the air and walking really slowly. Then, he does this, like, hip-hop heartbeat thing at the end of the catwalk. Awkward. He says that he's wanted to be a supermodel since he was 14. Amanda, who has antlers shaped on her hand, walks like she's hunting. Then, she gets sexy and blows a kiss. Gabe is and is completely boring, though, goddamn, his body is amazing. Laury comes out and has a graceful, interesting walk. She says that she is drawing from her Haitian background. Salome has a really cool zombie walk. I love it. She interviews that she's not afraid to be weird and loves being styled like a freak. Branden comes out in a nest of feathers and sort of lumbers down the catwalk. Not entirely inventive, but he looks confident. Mountaha is and takes the Nicole-pretty freak approach. She interviews that this has been the hardest catwalk challenge. Sandhurst's walk is great. It's like he's being pulled down the runway. He has a cinematic jerky quality to his walk that reminds me of a David Fincher movie.
Afterwards, Nicole says that the walks were freaky. She introduces the judges, including Maggie Rizer. Nicole says she has the ability to make herself unrecognizable. Salome, Jordin, CJ, Mountaha, Gabe, and Kerryn are all safe. Jenny asks Shawn what his moves were about. He says that he was an overlord trying to capture everyone's energy and bring it into his body. She replies that less is more. I love her. Maggie says that Anna Wintour would leave if he walked like that at a show. Really? She'd leave in the middle of a show? They're only like a few minutes long -- she should just wait. Maggie adds that Shawn already looks freaky, so he doesn't need to do so much. Perou asks him if he had problem expressing emotion in his photo. He did not. Perou says then that he must only have a problem conveying emotion. Bitch. Jonathan says that he did the thing with the pockets on the runway to show off the pants. Maggie thinks it's smart to think about the clothes. Laury tells Marlon that she's nervous. He likes her walk and commends her for working with a difficult outfit. It's actually a great outfit. It's has a natural couture shape that you can just bend into. Perou liked her catwalk but felt that she wasn't showing enough in her face in her photo.
Jenny asks Amanda what her story was on the catwalk. She says she was a hunter, but Jenny says that blowing a kiss made it cross into porno territory. Marlon congratulates her on winning the photo challenge. Then, Perou says that she looks like she's pole dancing and having some "uncomfortable sexual encounter" in her photo. I guess he's not a fan of Indira. He asks her what emotion she was trying to convey, and she starts blubbering about her son and crying. She turns away from the judges and Shawn comforts her as Laury coldly tells her that she has to face the judges. Laury is a cold bitch, ya'll. Maggie is, too. She says, "There's no crying in modeling!" Then, she says that she thinks people cry when they're trying to get something. Amanda says that she wasn't trying to do that, but Maggie just gives her more shit. Amanda may actually be being manipulative right here, but I don't think we've seen enough evidence to accuse her yet. Marlon slams Colin for his walk. It was terrible. Colin agrees. Perou asks him if walked like that in Montreal, and he assures him that he did not. He says that the one good thing about Colin's walk was the strong ending. Unfortunately, Marlon doesn't like his photo any better. He thought that it just looked like a good-looking guy staring in the mirror. Jenny tells Branden that his walk looked like he was experiencing growing pains, which would be appropriate, since he's still a kid. She feels like he's growing every week. Amazing tie-in there, Jenny. Really artful. Loved it. Maggie tells Branden that she has an 18-year old sister who is really cute. Perou suggests that they swap numbers later. Wow. I'd pimp my sister out to Brandon, too, I guess. He tells them that he loved walking in Montreal. Jenny liked Sandhurst's edgy walk, but Perou didn't feel like the photo was very expressive. He explained his aversion to mirrors, which Perou takes as a sign that perhaps ol' Sandy is in the wrong profession.
It's time for the mentors to give their two cents. Michael thinks that Shawn took direction well at the shoot, but he thinks he was over the top. Nicole says, "Better luck time." It's time for the judges to confer. They debate Sandhurst's confidence. Perou is in, Maggie's out. Marlon liked Jonathan's work. Jenny thinks he's still growing. Perou says that Branden is less thoughtful than Jonathan, but they all agree that he's doing really well. Maggie says that his is her favorite photo. She really wants this guy to get with her sister. They love Laury. Jenny says she could see the moment when Amanda got confused on the catwalk and made her walk all crazy. Perou thinks it's nice that she's in touch with her emotions, but she can't let them out in a professional context. He looks like a fool in his stupid little hat and jacket and sunglasses. He's like a Cockney Michael Jackson. Jenny says that she wouldn't do what Shawn did on the runway, even in the privacy of her own home. Heh. Marlon agrees, but feels that Colin did poorly, as well. Perou thinks that Colin at least could learn the things that he's not doing right now.
The judges come back. Laury and Sandhurst are safe. The judges are impressed with Branden and Jonathan. And the model with immunity is... Jonathan. That's bullshit. Branden totally deserved that. Jonathan interviews that he "took it to the level." Branden is safe. Nicole tells Amanda that she needs to learn when to "hold it in." A reality show contestant was just told to hold in emotion. That's kind of awesome and makes this like the Bill Moyers of reality shows, yes? She's safe. It's down to Colin and Shawn. Nicole says that Colin's excuse is always that he's a new model, but with four professional shoots under his belt, that is no longer valid. That's pretty true, I guess. She says that Shawn has an "intense passion for modeling." Hold on. I have to laugh for a few minutes. I'm back. She says that he went overboard with his passion. He responds by staring at her real freaky-like. Colin has to "become a model or go home." He's safe. He pats Shawn's back before he leaves. He walks backstage and says that the judgment was super-scary. Shawn says to Nicole that not everything is meant to be, which is both totally true and irrelevant.
Shawn asks them to tell Tyson good-bye for him, which is sweet. He tearfully interviews that sometimes you "have to hang your hat." He can't keep wishing and hoping. He gave it his all, but this was one of those things that weren't meant to be. That's so sad. The thing is, some things, like modeling, aren't things that you can really "become." You either are or you aren't. You could still maybe be an attorney, Shawn. Or a teacher. Something like that. Or a jewelry designer? Something like that.
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Jeff Long would not be afraid of Kerryn's touch. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com.