In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Siiiiiiigh. Shannon is sent home. Disappointed! Meanwhile, back at the house, the boys prove what true children they are by engaging in mean little tactics against Holly. Somehow, after a zillion weeks of hating Perry, all of a sudden, Ronnie and Ben love him? BUT WHATEVER, because flipping NAOMI CAMPBELL shows up. The four remaining models are struck dumb. She visits with them briefly before they are taken to their final photo shoot, the theme for which is "the natural elements." It's a nude shoot, with Matthew Rolston, and to my great delight, they put Perry in the tranniest wig possible, and make him... tuck his junk. Rolston is complimentary of each of them. The catwalk this week involves three looks, and their catwalk coach is none other than Christian Siriano, fierce winner of Project Runway. He's even made a dress for Holly -- which is so sweet -- but he works with each model on each look, providing them with perhaps the most reasoned, understandable advice they've received thus far in the contest. The first look the models must show is underwear, and they all look good. The second is fun, colorful clothes and in the last catwalk, the boys rock black suits and Holly kills in a gorgeous gold dress. Matthew Rolston joins the panel for Q&A and points out that both Ronnie and Holly need to get back in the gym. Compliments flow all around for each model, but when they are dismissed, the judges get down to the nitty gritty. Each of them has pros and cons for each model, and when they bring the contestants back out, we learn that the voting this week will be between all four of them. week: the reunion! Want more? The full recap starts right below! I seeeeeriously hate to tell you this, America, but it seems you accidentally voted Shannon off this program. Right. You realize, don't you, that you've left Holly alone in the house with a narcissist, and egomaniac, and a passive-aggressive kissass? Take your pick on who you'd like to assign those titles to -- they apply universally to the three remaining boys. After Ronnie explains to the camera that to believe he'll be sent home would be a slap in the face to America, Holly discovers that the guys have turned her photograph to the wall. Never again do I want to hear a man make a comment about how petty women are. I mean, honest to God, that is straight-up PMS sorority house pediatric mental illness. Shannon hugs Holly and says her goodbyes, at which point the boys all make fun of them both. I can't even recap this stuff, because it makes me want to commit manslaughter. Ben should get slapped so hard upside his jug head his Gollum eyes roll out on the floor. I'm sick to death of his faux-deep voice and his desperate, desperate attempts to align himself with whoever he believes to be the cool kids of the moment. Is anything less attractive than a hanger-on? At least Perry has leadership skills. At the elimination, Shannon takes it on the chin. She doesn't cry, and when Tyson tells them to say their goodbyes, instead of automatically hugging Ronnie, she instead shakes his hand. Awesome -- I mean, he's shown himself to be a dick in sweet gay boy's clothing, and in no way should she have to pretend they are parting as friends. Backstage, she says she's not happy, but she will have to deal with it. She sounds defeated when she says she knows she's still going to be a model, but that she guesses this isn't how she's going to get it done. Girl, take your amazing portfolio and go and conquer the world. Back at the house, Perry and Ben are so full of themselves it's disgusting. I can't stand to see someone being purposefully unkind, and they are so aggressively smug to Holly it turns my stomach. What's obvious is, despite hearing over and over from the judges that Holly may not be tough enough for this business, it's clear that she's tougher than anyone in the contest. She may get emotional, but she isn't afraid to come back at Perry's little attempt at one-up by saying she thinks Shannon deserves to come back, but that Ronnie probably will, instead. "I think Ronnie's fake," she says, raising her eyebrow of disdain. "Ugh. Spare me, I can't even talk about it. She is a better model than he is." Ben says he disagrees with that, completely, to no one's surprise at all. Dude, your boyfriend's coming back, okay? Just shut up. Holly tries to get in a dig about how Ben and Ronnie seem to have fallen under Perry's Machiavellian spell, but of course Perry and Ben deny this. These boys are such idiots, I'm sorry. Perry is by far the most clever of them all, and how he manages to turn his opponents into sycophants is pretty amazing.
Ronnie arrives, making yet another joke about how cheesy he is, and Holly doesn't even bother restraining her eye-roll. They try to goad her into saying something about it, but all she'll say is that she thinks Shannon should have come back. "Cut that tension with a knife," Ronnie says, though there is probably much less tension than there is disgust. Outside, we see Tyson coming up the townhouse steps... rapping. Or something -- he's walking along, talking to no one, demanding that we check his swagger, and calling us "son." Whatever, he's still hot. Inside, he calls the remaining fools downstairs. "The time has come," he says, "to bring in my friends to help you along your journey." Everyone looks really excited. Who could it be? "When you look in the dictionary, and you look up the word 'supermodel,'" he says, "this person's image, profile, everything, appears." The kids are flipping out. He makes them close their eyes while he brings in none other than Naomi Campbell. Please, God, don't let Naomi Campbell read these recaps. I have made a few Nokia jokes, you know, and I don't want to make her angry. She might just mail me a phone with instructions on how to throw it at myself, and I'd be forced to comply, just because of her superness. When the four remaining contestants see Naomi, they lose their minds. Even Perry, always so quick to say some bullshit, is struck dumb. What's awesome about this is that their little session with her is all about... Tyson. The two of them spend a lot of time talking about how they love to work together, and how Tyson is beloved by all women, and then they compliment each other further for several minutes. Finally, Tyson tells the kids to show Naomi their books, and when they're all too stupefied to move, he picks them up and shows them to her. She says... absolutely nothing of consequence to any of them. Seriously, not one bit of advice, not one critique. It's like she just wandered by a party, walked in and kind of is making general niceties with the hosts. She says she likes Holly's haircut. She could never pose with a snake. She thinks Perry's sex shot with Casey was saucy. She couldn't hold her breath underwater for the tank shot they did. I mean... there is zero substance, and I love it. Because, why the hell would Naomi Campbell bother with these nobodies? She may hurl abuse and telecommunications equipment at underlings, but she can do that because she is sophistication and insanity combined and personified. When she leaves, Tyson spends a little more time talking about her, and then tells them all to strangé.
With no transition at all (for which I am thankful, because I can do without ever seeing dumb crap going on in the house anymore), we see the models go the day to meet with Tyson who introduces them to famed, A-list photographer Matthew Rolston. It must be admitted that this is seriously cool. He tells them that this will be their last photo shoot and that it will be based on the natural elements. Oh, yeah, and they'll be nude. "Our assignment today is to be nude, again," Holly says, in the makeup chair where her eyelids are being painted bright blue. "I don't want the boys to see me nekkid! I'm the only girl left, and they're little perverted boys." Laughing, she admits that in her skullcap and crazy eye shadow, she looks like Cruella Deville on crack. Ben, too, is not thrilled with the naked thing. "I don't like to be nude in photographs," he says, joking. "Um, I prefer to be nude in the shower." We see them preparing him for the shoot, and I must say that if my body was as good as Ben's suddenly seems to be, I'd just walk nude through the streets. He is way more muscular than I had realized in the past. Doesn't matter, though, I still don't like him. Ronnie is being prepped to play the Earth element and, I swear to you, they practically show his wang on TV. It's painted to look like dirt, but hello, I recapped Deadwood for three years, I know a televised wang when I see one. All of that becomes immaterial, however, when they cut to Perry's preparations, which are... I can't stop laughing. He'll be portraying ice or water or whatever, and somehow they've translated that as Perry in a Backstreet Boys circa 1999 reject wig, crazy goth-ish makeup, rotted teeth and nudity to the point where they are having him TUCK his PENIS between his LEGS, Buffalo Bill style. I cannot believe I am typing these words. Ben is getting spray-painted or airbrushed for his Air shoot, when Holly glances over and sees his goods. "Seeing Ben nekkid," Holly says, restraining a laugh, "is like seeing your brother nekkid. It's just not right." She says in an interview that while it's always nerve-wracking to be nude in front of people, she realizes how much she's grown as a model in these twelve weeks because this time it doesn't bother her. It must not bother Perry, either, because he endures not only the hideous makeover, but the shaving of his ass, as well. The determination of the shaver's face cannot be over-stated -- he really gets in there with the razor. Aiiiee!
Rolston says his expectation is that the models work as well with him as any professional model would. It's amazing how well Ben does, particularly, when under this guy's excellent direction. He tells each model exactly what he wants, and they seem to give it to him. Ben, who is being photographed with a sheer piece of fabric over him, blown by a fan, looks pretty awesome. Rolston says he was impressed with his ability to take direction and be collaborative and that every one of his shots was pretty incredible. "His pictures are hot," Ronnie says to Perry, and Perry kind of snickers at the man love. up is Holly, who is Fire. She is lying on her stomach, staring straight into the camera, and she looks gorgeous. Outside, the boys talk about how they can't believe this is the last week. Ben says that Holly hasn't taken the time to get to know himself, Ronnie or Perry and that, as far as he's concerned, it's her loss. Wait a second. Remember when Ben and Ronnie disliked Perry? They've been friends for what, three days? This guy cannot get off my TV fast enough. Meanwhile, inside, Holly is killing it. "Absolutely gorgeous," Rolston says over and over again. She far exceeds his expectations, though he's a bit concerned about her body. She's not as toned or fit as she should be to do fashion or to do nude shots. I can see what he's saying, but woe unto us all if Holly is considered fat. She is kind of soft looking, but that's her appeal, I think. Anyway, tone can be fixed. When she's done, the crew sets up a mannequin, to whose head they apply an accelerant that they then set aflame. Rolston photographs the fire and later Photoshops it onto Holly's head. Pretty weird, but pretty fantastic. Speaking of weird, it's hard to even describe what's going on with Perry during his Ice shoot. The wig, the teeth-blacking, the dick-tucking, the fey pose... all of it is so bizarre looking, it's almost like a joke. They put an ice cube in his mouth, cover it with glycerin to make him look like he's drooling, tuck the wang and start shooting. Perry, for his part, is a great sport. The other models are totally creeped out, and Bravo has no issues with showing us the place where his stuff SHOULD be, so we can see the reasons for the creep-factor quite clearly. "He looks like he has my private parts," Holly says, before covering her eyes in fear and shame, and Ben shivers and jumps around to ward off the ick. I am almost letting myself admire Perry's professionalism... until... he calls Matthew over for a "private" chat about how he's got this tattoo (of an "A) on his wrist that is no longer significant to him, and he'd like it edited out of the photos. In an interview, he says he's not going to let this amazing photo be ruined by the hated Amanda. Dude. Didn't that whole thing happen like, five minutes ago? Do you think you can go five minutes without bringing the focus back to yourself? This is Matthew Rolston. He does not care about your trash girlfriend. He is, however, impressed with Perry's level of commitment to the shoot.
Finally, it's Ronnie's turn. "I feel like a wood nymph," he says. Rolston says Ronnie looks preppy and Ivy League and everything, but then when he's transformed through the photo process they're using, he looks like a god of the wood. Seeing her chance to be one of the guys, Holly asks Ronnie if he's "got wood." The boys reluctantly laugh. Holly says she may be turning into a tomboy from hanging out with them too much. Rolston says he's pleased with Ronnie's masculine grace. I bet he is. Oh, come on. It had to be said -- Rolston is a consummate professional, but I can feel the love tonight, if you know what I'm saying. That night, the models are surprised when they are taken to a cocktail party at the Open House Gallery, a very cool place, indeed. They are shocked to see their just-taken photos on the walls, and to find the gallery full of industry people and all the photogs they've worked with. Perry is so overwhelmed by the experience, he seems genuinely about to cry. Cory comments to Ronnie that it's great to see that the four who are left are four who deserve to be there. Um, well. Whatever you say, Mr. Wishy-Washy. Ronnie, also, is overwhelmed. After ten years, he says, trying to break into the industry, this is an incredible experience to see people talking so positively about his photo. Holly gives an almost identical interview, except she makes it 100 times cuter. "I mean, like, pinch me, people," she giggles, "I'm a big deal!" Ben says something along the same lines before Cory can pull him aside and salivate over him, saying his photo doesn't look like a prison worker, but a professional male model. Just what do they think prison workers look like? They're just people, right? I'm tired of that mess. Now, that being said, Ben's photo looks amazing... mostly because something is covering his face. The morning, Perry runs into Ben and Ronnie's room to wake them up for the last catwalk of the competition. "We're probably gonna be naked," Ben jokes, which is hilarious, but Ronnie says no, he's sure they'll be going out in style. Niki greets them at the catwalk and gives them the week's assignment. They'll be modeling three separate looks to make use of everything they've learned. "At this point," she says, "it's all or nothing." What does that even mean? She tells them they've brought in someone to help them out with their catwalk, none other than our beloved Christian Siriano, winner of this season's Out on the runway, Christian actually really does help them. He takes them through their three looks, the first of which will be "fun," while the others are to be more serious. Honestly, his advice is so clear and to the point, it's too bad he was on his own show and not this one from the very beginning. His advice to Ronnie, especially, about how he looks around too much on the runway, is spot on. "It looks really pageant-y," Christian says, mock-grande dame, "like you're trying to win Miss America." Oh my God, y'all don't know how bad Ronnie would like to be Miss America. "Like, be more straight," Christian says, and the gong of irony sounds so loud in my living room, surely they hear it all the way in New York. In an interview, he says he doesn't think Ben's really ready, and would need an agency to really push him. See? Totally reasonable and based in actual reality. He does love Ben's symmetrical features -- a very interesting and artistic take on Ben's look. When Ben slaps his own ass on a catwalk practice, Christian trills "that's peerrfect! I think you should do that. No, do not do that." I'm sure poor Jeff would tell me that recapping Christian for 14 weeks was no party, but still, I love him.
He thinks Perry will do really well, as he's tall and stands out. On the catwalk, he tells Perry his walk is good as long as it's "uppity but not stiff." Perry says he really, really wants this walk to stand out, being the last one. "I wouldn't do anything cheesy," Christian warns. Remember that. Christian says he really wants to see Holly really work it, and that he loved her bob haircut and was sad to see it go. Agreed, although her hair now is also darling. He says he wishes she had a little more personality, but that he thinks she's "a great model" and would definitely book her. Rrrronnnieee," he says, moving on. "Aw, he's so cute." He points out -- and I have been waiting all this time for someone to say this -- that Ronnie has lazy eyes, but says he thinks that's kind of dopey and cute. "A lot of people love Ronnie," he says. "Maybe because it's all the gays are loving him! I think they would be pretty sad if he didn't make it." Gays, listen to me. He doesn't deserve your love! Look at Holly! Such primo hag potential, don't you see it?! Come on! The models' first pass down the catwalk is in black underwear complete with drawn-on tattoos. Now, while his body is truly bangin', Ben still, STILL, walks like a wind-up toy. He just has no grace, and I think it's because his legs are too short or his stride is not long enough. Longer steps would help him not rock back and forth like he does. Perry, too, looks great. His body is nice, I think, like a swimmer. Though he looks very sexy, compared to the other two men, Ronnie is looking a little... fleshy. Like, he's hot, but there's not as much definition and it is evident after seeing Ben and Perry. Holly is amazingly sexy in a red wig and black lingerie. She, too, looks less in shape than she has in past weeks, but still smokin'. up is the "fun" portion of the runway. They're in colorful clothes, and I hope to God they're walking to some funky music we can't hear, because the goofiness of each of the boys is off the chain. Ben even attempts the running man" a <>, much to my cringing embarrassment, and looks as ridiculous trying to dance as you'd expect someone to look who is so stiff that he walks like a Weeble. Ronnie appears to be wearing a similar ensemble to the one he wore in the first assignment and definitely wearing the same totally 80s sunglasses he rocked all those weeks ago. Nice callback. He interviews that this catwalk was a lot of fun. Holly's out in her Christian creation, and looks amazing. "It's a privilege to wear it," she says of the dress, "because he made it just for me." She blows a little kiss to the panel on her stop at the end.
The last pass is suits for the boys. Ben actually looks fantastic and seems to walk very well. "Little stiff," he says of his performance, "but I've improved greatly." Yes, well, I'll be the judge of that. Improving from zero is not hard. Perry says whenever he gets to put a suit on, he feels great, since he doesn't even own one himself. He looks good, but he's developed this hunch and head bob thing, and his sleeves don't look quite long enough. All of it adds up to some Lurchness. Ronnie looks hot, as he always does in a suit, but says he struggled a little bit. Who knows what he means, because they show about 30 milliseconds of his walk before Holly comes out in a STUNNING gold dress and eclipses them all. "This is my favorite part about modeling -- the catwalk," she reminds us, "and I feel like I did pretty good." Oh, good Lord, can it really be true? Is this really the last Q&A I have to recap? I can't tell you how irritating I find this portion, except... I know I've told you twelve times. Forgive me for repeating myself but, y'all, I just don't care to hear these people talk about themselves or their feelings about each other or whatever. Just show me the clothes! Show me the photos! Shuuuuuuuuut uuuuuuuup! They ask Ben who came up with his dance moves during his fun look. He takes the credit, and the panel is pleasantly amused. He says he knows he's changed from that first week and that he's really pleased with the outcome of this whole experience. See, this is exactly how he should have been talking for three months. Too late, Ben! I have already denounced you! Jennifer says that he seems to be starting to believe he's sexy. "I believe it," Ben says. Stop being cute! Tyson says he thinks Ben has the best body of the remaining models, which is a huge compliment coming from him. The panel says Ben has improved but still has a good bit to work on. He's still "stiff" for one thing." Guest panelist Matthew Rolston, says it would be nice to see him look more comfortable in his movement. Ronnie says working with Rolston was a great honor, but Tyson interrupts to ask if Ronnie and Holly have stopped working out lately. Ronnie's not looking as buff, and when Tyson asked Clay about it, he ratted them out. Weren't they required to work out with Clay? How did they get out of it? That's weird. Rolston agrees that Ronnie should be more cut. Niki asks Ronnie why he thinks America keeps voting him back from the bottom three. "I just believe that America sees my genuine passion to be here," he says, "and my ability to grow." He yammers a little bit about his potential while the camera cuts to Holly and her unconcealed revulsion. "Holly, what would you do if Ronnie won?" Tyson asks. Holly: "Slit my wrists." Eek, girl, don't be mean, now. Niki asks if Holly thinks she can be the last girl standing, which... isn't she the last girl standing? I guess she means the last model. Anyway, Holly says yes, she knows she can. "Despite what these boys say," she says, "I do have spunk and I do have sass." Perry lowers his head in passive-aggressive smarminess. "I just don't think she commands any attention," he says, when Niki asks for his opinion, and then makes fun of her for not having a stronger voice. Cory chimes in with his regular insult about her lack of presence and I just wish they'd all stuff it. Rolston tells her she is gorgeous and tall and has tons going for her, but he does think she needs a little work on her body. "We're not holding you to a standard that is normal for human beings," he admits, and I appreciate his honesty, at least. He seems like a nice man.
Cory tells Holly that no matter the outcome of the contest, every agency in America will fight to represent her. With tears in her eyes, Holly says she hopes he's right. The prizes of the competition are perfect, and all, she says, but what she really wants is to work. Moving on to Perry, Tyson casually mentions that he's still got a little head bobbing going on in his walk. Everybody else Tyson eviscerates, but with Perry he's so blasé, it makes NO sense. Even Tyson is under the spell of the dude. They ask Perry about his crazy photo shoot, and he's pretty charming about it, really, saying hey, every boy's done the tuck job in a moment of junior high curiosity. While Rolston nods his agreement, Ben vigorously shakes his head in mock disagreement on his end of the catwalk. It's a funny moment about what had to be an alarming experience. Rolston admires his guts, and thanks him for the good work, and asks him if he feels he has a genre of modeling he would work best in. Perry says no, he wants to do everything. Rolston says Perry certainly did that for him. Niki asks what Perry's learned most from this experience and he says he's learned to trust himself, immediately referencing the thing with his girlfriend and Adnan Ghalib. Perry. We have all moved on. Even Britney. I renew my suggestion that you stick a sock in it. The models dismissed, the panel gets to the good stuff. While they all loved Ben's photo, Rolston thinks his catwalk was flat. Jennifer, for once, disagrees and thinks Ben had a commanding presence. She says if she was casting for a fragrance campaign tomorrow and she needed a sexy guy with a great body, she would cast him. Holly, they continue to think is beautiful, but Rolston and Niki don't think she did that great on the catwalk. "I didn't even see her work the clothes," Rolston says, noting that the flounces on Christian's dress didn't even flounce! Cory thinks Perry did great this week and wonders why Jennifer doesn't think he can be a supermodel. "Do his shoulders bother you?" she asks. "I feel like his proportions are a little strange." FINALLY. Yes, they are. Lurch. Really, he's very compelling to look at, but Rolston agrees he would not cast Perry in anything that required him to wear a suit. Jennifer has similar honesty to deliver about Ronnie. She says he's been showing some versatility throughout the contest, but that ultimately he is who he is: "that Chicago, beefy guy." She's just not sure about him, she says. "Well, I'll tell you one thing," Cory cuts in, "he's gonna make a lot of money." Yes, well, Honcho is no doubt blowing up his cell right now. (Oh my Gaaaaaaaaahd, people. I was just about to link you to Honcho which, if you had any gay friends in college worth their salt you will have run across at least once on a nightstand -- but it is way too unsafe for work. That is, unless your boss wouldn't mind you spending your lunch hour reading a story titled "The Ins-and-Outs of Gangbangs" by raging stallion Dirk Jager. I wish I was kidding, but I so very much am not.) Anyway, Jennifer kind of uncomfortably agrees that yes, Ronnie will rake in the dough.
The panel chuckles at the long, strange trip it's been to get to this point in the competition and they bring the models back out. Drums! Of! Suspense! Niki says they are all incredible people that showed commitment, professionalism and beauty that showed they could be made into supermodels. I honestly cannot believe Ben is still on this stage. Niki runs through her lines of compliments for each model -- Ben has come a long way; Ronnie is articulate and willing to learn; Holly has a flawless face and a clear passion for fashion; Perry is charismatic and ambitious and can inhabit a role. So... all of them are going up for the vote. The winner is now in America's hands. "Good luck," Niki says for the last time, "you may leave the catwalk," and in a moment not at all contrived I'm sure, all four models huddle up backstage and Perry tells them that he loves them all so much. Hmm. Whether or not that is true, week is the big reveal and, apparently, a reunion!