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It's Valentine's Day, and America has finally decided that Katy cannot be made into a supermodel. Everyone is relieved (except Katy). frankie wears a clock to the elimination that would make Flava Flav proud, and Ben's so happy to see Ronnie come home that he lifts him off the ground in a huge hug. Back at the house, the girls get no respect. Oh. Welcome to Planet Earth, ladies. Jacki and Perry still hate each other. Pretty much all the girls hate Perry now, and it causes tensions and a lot of swearing among the housemates. This week, the challenges are all about using body language and expression to play a scene. So: acting. During the photo shoot, the models are put into groups of three. Jacki and Perry must pretend to be lovers on the rocks. Ben plays their best friend, who tries to keep them from killing each other. Perry's so good at being an asshole, he seems to be a natural at acting, and it actually motivates Jacki to slap him. It's beautiful. , Holly and Ronnie must pretend to be flaunt their hot love in frankie's jealous face. The photographer is fairly complimentary, but doesn't really think either of the guys is perfect. In the last scenario, Casey is cheating on Stephanie with Shannon. Casey and Stephanie...not actors. Stephanie can't let go and get into the thing. The photographer declares Perry, Shannon, and Holly his top three faves. Later, the girls and boys split up to go buy Valentines for each other. The ladies decorate while the guys cook, and everyone gets depressed missing their real Valentines. After dinner, the contestants all watch a video with V-day messages for each of them from home. Well, each of them except Perry. Oooo, burn -- his beloved girlfriend seems to have abandoned him, and man, he's upset. Later, they speak on the phone and she dogs him about some girl he allegedly kissed in Phoenix. Dudes, this playa is getting played. The catwalk assignment for the week will require the models to pair up and choreograph a routine based on assigned roles. Jacki volunteers to act solo, since there is an odd number of contestants. Stephanie and Holly are a villain and superhero, respectively. They look absolutely fantastic and seem to work well together. Shannon and frankie must transform into Old Hollywood characters. Weirdly, they've put frankie into a swashbuckling ensemble, and Shannon in a tapdancing outfit? Since their clothes don't match up well, it looks a little awkward, but they're both gorgeous. Jacki, as expected, pulls off the bitch look pretty convincingly. Casey and Perry are charged with being "high society," and both play the perfect fops. Ben and Ronnie are told to act like rock stars, and while they're way more Bowie than Bon Jovi, they look pretty good, though slightly over-the-top. The panel is impressed with everyone's work, but they're down on Stephanie from the jump. Her lackluster performance in the photo shoot even taints Casey. Ronnie and frankie also receive some sour comments. Suddenly, the panel doesn't like Ronnie anymore, and doesn't think frankie's moving forward. Things are getting interesting now that there are so few of them left: after more dramatic pauses than a soap opera, Ronnie, frankie, and Stephanie are put up for the vote. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
The previouslies make sure to remind us that...just about everyone associated with this show is a big ol' ass. Fourteen aspiring models have been narrowed down to ten, and tonight, either frankie, Katy, or Ronnie must step up to be booted. No one seems particularly worried. Katy, because she has been in the bottom three so many times and always survived, is particularly sanguine. frankie, meanwhile, moons over a photo of his girlfriend, whom he misses, but does not want to see again until he has won the one hundred thousand smackers. Ronnie...is asleep. Well, he is until Ben so bromantically hits him in the face with a water bottle. "I should make you kiss it," Ronnie moans, "and make it better." He says he's ready for whatever happens and asks Ben if he'd miss him if he was sent home. "Hell, yeah," Ben says. "I'd be stuck here with all these crazy people."
And let's face it, Ben's right. As if to confirm the craziness, frankie fashions a necklace out of a wall clock and wears it to the elimination, Flav style. Because...it's time to...bust a rhyme? Who knows? He says in a voiceover that he's nervous as hell, and I pause to reflect on the strange childhood traumas he must have endured to have chosen wall clocks as his security talismans.
The models appear before the panel, which is reduced in number this week. Niki explains: "Jennifer Starr is working the Ralph Lauren show and won't be joining us." Translation: "Jennifer Starr has a real job working with real models in the actual fashion industry, and thus cannot waste her time messing with you today." Listen, I can't take it anymore -- America voted, and they've kicked Katy to the curb. The boys are relieved and give Katy the cursory hugs goodbye. She doesn't cry on the catwalk, and doesn't cry backstage. Instead, we hear her say in a voiceover that she's going to go home and then turn around and start over. "Maybe I am average," she says, "but I don't care. I want to do it, anyway." I don't know whether to cringe or applaud. I really liked Katy, but I'm glad to see her escape her role as punching bag for the panel and her housemates.
Niki, Tyson, and Cory agree that America has made the right choice. "You know, Katy is a beautiful girl. She's even hot," Cory says, as if he'd recognize female hotness even at close range. "But the situation is that, you know, she's not a model."
Back at the house, the coven has their weekly discussion on who will return. Jacki thinks the only thing going against Ronnie would be his age, and Ben yet again gets defensive, reminding everyone how much Ronnie "wants it." Oh, honey. We haven't forgotten how much he wants it. Shannon very wrongly assumes that the person who wins this contest should be able to carry the title of "supermodel" with grace, and says frankie doesn't seem capable of doing that yet. Well, she's right about that second part, but...no one's impounded Naomi Campbell's cell phone yet due to lack of supermodel grace, you know? I think obnoxious frankie would fit right in. Jacki says that, yeah, frankie's been cocky and arrogant since day one, and Perry interrupts. "I was just called 'cocky and arrogant,' too," he says, "and I'm not like that at all." Jacki laughs. "Yeah, you are," she says. Perry says she only thinks that because she's threatened by him, and they bitch at each other until Ronnie and frankie arrive home. "Yo, sugar tits," Ronnie mugs, coming in the front door, "I got delivery for a pizza with extra cheese." Cute. Ben is so happy to see him, he picks Ronnie up and swings him around the room. There's some quick editing and manipulation to show a really tight shot of Ronnie hugging someone and saying "oh, baby, it's so good to see you," trying to force us to think he's talking to Ben. In fact, it's Shannon, but I can only tell this by freeze-framing the scene a few times. People, Ben's marriage is in enough trouble, okay? No need to pile on with the fake stuff -- the real stuff is plenty bad on its own. When frankie slithers into the room, the boys go so crazy that if I was Katy watching this at home in Alabama, I'd drive all the way back to New York and kick someone in the nuts.
Later, Perry and the boys hang out in the kitchen, yelling up to Shannon to come wash their dishes or fix them some food. "Perry," Shannon yells back. "Learn how to wipe your own ass." Jacki is in shock that a twenty-two-year-old man would disrespect her and the other girls like that. I...can't even make a joke right here. I just can't. It's TOO SAD. I wouldn't be twenty-two again for all the botox in Nicole Kidman's forehead.
So, it's time to learn the theme of the week. The kids head to Bleecker Street Theater, where Tyson explains that this week is all about storytelling. Models, he says, have to learn to be more than just clothes hangers. They have to use body language and expression every day. This week's photographer, Jonathan Bookallil tells them that he'll be shooting them in groups in which they'll need to use drama, movement, and emotion to set a scene. The models are put into units of three. Jacki, Perry, and Ben. Stephanie, Casey, and Shannon. Holly, her nemesis frankie, and Ronnie. Off they go into hair and makeup. Back on stage, Jacki wears a crazy gold pantsuit and must somehow convince herself that she is angry at Perry. Not really a stretch. The premise of the scene is that she and Perry are a couple, he's pissed away all her money, and their best friend, Ben, is trying to run interference between them as they throw down. It is, in a word, awesome. Perry has no problem appearing to be the dick of the century and says some insanely crappy things to Jacki, whipping her into a frenzy. "Whether he was in character," she says, "or [he meant it personally], it was really motivating." Good for her. I mean, he's calling her the ugliest fat-ass in the house, and saying other mean stuff, and while he deserves a jab to the nads, she uses it for good. Ben, for his part, could have gotten totally lost in this photo, but he manages to play his little Tony Randall role quite well, saying he got so into it, he would have liked to hit Perry himself. Eventually, Jacki gets so into it that she slaps Perry, giving me and the rest of the viewing audience no small amount of gratification. The photographer genuinely congratulates them on their energy and got some great film.
up, Holly and Ronnie must flaunt their hot love in frankie's face as he seethes with jealousy. frankie does the best he can to keep up -- Holly and Ronnie are pretty much killing it. Holly steals the show, really, in a yellow dress, waving a huge ring under frankie's nose as Ronnie laughs and whispers in her ear. frankie goes deep, trying to explain the emotion on which he is drawing. "Like, like," he says, "knowing that I'm so much better for her, dude, that I love her, like, nobody can love her like I can. Nobody, bro." Dude. Sure, he's kind of dumb, but he's trying. "You hate [Ronnie] for this, frankie," Tyson keeps saying, pushing him. Ronnie is hilarious talking dirty into Holly's ear, really making it possible for her to have some great photos. My favorite moment is when he says he's going to get a hotel room for them. "Just for tonight," he chuckles, so wonderfully full of cheese, "we're gonna pay by the hour." Awesome. "Ronnie is the most sexual person in this competition," Holly says. "He was saying things in my ear that I've never even heard before. Ronnie is a dirty boy, but we all love him." The photographer says he enjoyed the way Holly and Ronnie tweaked their roles to make them even more evil, but that Ronnie's look is not really modern enough for what he looks for in a male model. While we watch frankie lounge around after the shoot saying he still feels the emotion, or whatever, the photog goes on to say that though frankie did okay, his final result was not all that good for the photograph. Whatever that means -- both guys look great to me.
up, Shannon and Casey are on the couch, macking down when Stephanie comes in and catches them. "We just wanna get it on," Shannon explains the scenario, "and it's really pissing her off." Shannon and Casey, not really having the hard jobs, seriously go for it, make-out wise. Unfortunately, Stephanie can't let herself go enough to get into her role as the woman scorned. She looks cool and all, but can't cut loose. You know, here's the problem with the young people of America: no Dynasty. Seriously, they've all grown up watching "real" people act ridiculous on television, and thus have no experience in straight-up dramatics. If you haven't spent your Friday nights watching one middle-aged woman rip the wig off another, how are you supposed to know what to do here? Stephanie seems to be posing a lot more than acting, and can't bring herself to yell and scream -- she especially doesn't want to call Shannon and bitch or a whore, as Tyson suggests -- and she makes it hard on the photographer. She finally sort of slaps Casey, but it's a struggle. Bookallil ultimately picks Perry, Shannon and Holly as his top three of the day.
Back at the house, Shannon decides to shoulder the burden of womanhood and confront Perry on his alpha-dog behavior. "You know it's easier to get someone to do something for you," she says, "than to have to do it yourself." Oh, it's painful. He gets huffy when she says she doesn't want any more jokes made about how she has to clean the kitchen. "Do I disrespect the girls in the house?" he asks in an interview. "Hell, no. I just choose not to associate with them." See, people? That's all it is. He's just a misogynist asshole. Wow, I hate it that he's coming off this way -- I think Perry's probably really smart, but man, he is not nearly as smart as he believes himself to be, and his self-perceived slyness is backfiring on him. What's even worse is that any of the girls would bother trying to level the playing field. Jacki tries to give him an example of how controlling he is, citing his commands of frankie and Casey to bring him bananas, but frankie is too blind to see what's happening, either. "Dude," frankie says dramatically to Jacki. "Do you really think I would be somebody's bitch?" Now, see, first of all: somebody's "bitch?" Isn't that the point here, that whole disrespect thing? Whatever. Why is this even part of the show? The Real World has been on for twenty years, okay? I'm watching this shit for the clothes.
The morning, Tyson shows up at the house to explain this week's catwalk assignment. The models will be splitting into teams of their choice to work the runway together and must choreograph a routine based on assigned characters. They divide themselves thusly: Jacki volunteers to work alone, which is brave of her, Tyson says; Holly and Stephanie; Ben and Ronnie (shocking); Perry and Casey; and Shannon and frankie. Only that last combo is at all interesting to me, just because we haven't really seen it before. So, each team must draw from a stack of cards to determine what characters they will portray on the catwalk. Shannon and frankie will be "Old Hollywood." Casey and Perry draw "High Society." Ben and Ronnie must become "Rock Stars." Holly and Stephanie will play "Heroes and Villains," and Jacki is amused to find that she will be an "Executive Bitch." Tyson reminds everyone that Ben has immunity, having been the "winner" of last week and says that Ben's job will be to help Ronnie shine, since Ronnie helped him last week. I guess he's referring to Ronnie helping Ben with his walk, but who cares, because...immunity? I love how this show is just mentioning immunity in week six. I remember Niki saying something last week very briefly about Ben being immune from dismissal because he was the winner, but the way she said it, I thought she meant he was immune from that specific elimination. I swear I remember typing something about how that was confusing into last week's recap, but then deleting it, because I thought I, alone, was confused. Now I see that I am twice as dumb as I thought. Or maybe half as dumb? Anyway, Ben has immunity.
The models get to work on their choreography. Holly even works a slap into her routine with Stephanie, to show good triumphing over evil. Perry says that he and Casey got the hardest challenge, to play "high society," which is completely false -- Perry, having a hard time acting superior to other people? Isn't that what he does all day, every day? Meanwhile, Ben and Ronnie are practically snuggled up in their room, planning out their rock star show. There's mention of running and flipping? I fear groin injuries. Alone in the bathroom, Jacki barks and growls at herself in the mirror to get into her "bitch" character. It's silly, but sort of cute, and she pulls a lot of crazy faces, including one in which she waggles her huge ears.
Later, the girls go off to Pier 1 to shop for Valentine's Day dinner decorations, and the boys head to Whole Foods to buy stuff to cook for dinner. Don't you feel sorry for the producers of this show? They must have weekly meetings to bemoan the fact that there have been exactly zero hookups. All these attempts at contriving romantic situations, all including alcohol, have fallen completely flat, and I wish they'd just concentrate on the actual modeling. While the boys cook a bunch of oddly phallic foods, the girls drink upstairs and miss their boyfriends. Downstairs, Perry whips up desserts for the ladies as he talks about missing his girlfriend, Amanda, with whom he would otherwise be home celebrating his one-year anniversary.
After a wonderful meal, Jacki says, there remains one more Valentine's surprise for the models. The models sit down and get to see videotaped Valentine messages from their families and loved ones. Shannon's mom sits with a heart bearing Shannon's name. frankie spazzes out when he sees his girlfriend, who appears to also be named Frankie, thus raising his natural level of narcissism to like, ten jillion percent. With her in his life, he doesn't even have to TRY to call out someone else's name during sex. Jacki gets emotional when she sees her studly boyfriend call her "princess" and say he misses her. As a matter of fact, she gets so emotional her hair...explodes? I can't explain it, either. We cut away from the action to see her in an interview, made who-knows-when, in which she appears to have gotten her weave caught in a ceiling fan. , Stephanie's boyfriend goes the Blair Witch route, pointing the camera practically up his nose to declare his undying love for her. She is moved to tears. Casey's family and band mates have gathered in swank suburban surroundings to say hello, and he's touched to see them. I don't mean to bash the kid's life story, but remember when he was all "I lived out of my guitar case" or whatever? Come on, dude. Ben's wife appears on screen -- the cameras are quick to jump to Ronnie to catch his reaction, as well -- and Ben seems to be really happy to see his dog who, let's face it, is cute. However, his wife, who I have discovered is a songwriter, is pretty cute too, and, I have to say, quite talented.
Anyway, Ben at first appears to be happier to see his dog than his wife, but her sweet message of encouragement must get to him, because he says later in an interview that it was great to see her face and hear her voice. up is Holly's hoooootttttttttTTTTt fiancé, who loves her so much and misses her to the point that he must smooch the camera, causing her to wag her tongue very cutely through her tears. To close, Ronnie's mom blandly waves a stuffed dog around and, in a monotone, gives him a "shout out" to wish him a happy Valentine's Day. After all the romance we've just seen, it's pretty funny, and all the models laugh. Ronnie is good natured about it, and says in an interview that his mom has always been there for him, and is his best friend. Perry, to everyone's surprise (especially his) has no Valentine message from his beloved girlfriend. He's upset, particularly since it is their anniversary, but happy when he finds out that he gets a chance to call her on the phone.
Um, here's how that goes. Perry: "Happy Anniversary, baby!" Girlfriend: "Yeah." Eeeeek. It is so uncomfortable, and Perry gets so crazy, I think for a moment that it's all orchestrated for the cameras. He immediately hears in her voice that something is wrong, and she gives him the nonchalant "we just have a lot to talk about," thing and he...flips out. She wants to know who he was with in Phoenix. Duuuuude, who were you with in Phoenix? Perry: "Are you talking about a New Year's kiss?" Girlfriend: "..." D'oh! Perry! Never cop to something for which you have yet to even be busted! DUDE. I thought you knew how to do this! Anyway, he hits her with both barrels, ramping up the drama before she can even really get upset. It's a classic tactic, and one every Jedi Knight learns at the knee of his frat mentors: the key to winning an argument with a crazy woman? Act more crazy than she is. Boom, fellas, I just saved you so many cell phone minutes, you don't even know. Do I even need to bother describing this drama to you? Haven't we all lived this? Perry gets loony, begging her to tell him she loves him, "right now!" I'd feel sorry for him, except every word out of his mouth is like it's from some Machiavellian playbook. Oh the tears this girlfriend must shed on the daily. "It's our one-year anniversary today," he says, really twisting the knife, "and you don't even love me anymore." OH MY GOD, poor Amanda. He is so in her head she immediately starts sobbing, repeating over and over again, at his command, that she does love him and want to be with him. I feel like I need a shower. ["Seeeeeriously, and the way he was making this demand while halfway standing up, done with the call and yet dragging this from her hollowed-out carcass before hanging up? TERRIFYING." -- Miss Alli]
Upstairs, Perry dramatically moons over his girlfriend while Casey actually has real emotions. Love, to him, is like a religion, and he can't do it. He says some confused stuff about how everyone has these stereotypical relationships and he can't imagine being in one. It is heartbreaking. Casey strikes me as just being incredibly, incredibly sensitive and kind of emotionally fragile and even frankie looks like he feels for him when he asks Casey if he wants to find love. "I never even think about it," Casey says, and I am sure the opposite is true. Realizing no one has mentioned himself in the last thirty seconds, Perry interrupts to talk about all the walls he puts up around his heart. Meanwhile, in an interview, Casey says that his childhood was very good, but that his parents fought a lot and he had to push all that negativity to the back of his mind. "So," he concludes, "I kind of see only what I want to see, I guess, which isn't the best thing." See? He's smart, but just SO young.
Finally, we have arrived at the catwalk. Stephanie says before they go out that she's nervous because her villain outfit includes a thong. "Gonna be a full moon tonight," she says. On the catwalk, she is done up in black, and Holly wears an all-white dress that looks more like a nurse's uniform than a superhero. Honestly, from the clips we see, they look great. Stephanie follows Holly down the catwalk, irritating her with a feathery whip, and I kind of love it. At the end, Holly triumphs over her with a little choking scene. , frankie and Shannon come out as "old Hollywood," frankie rocking a kind of classic Flynn/Fairbanks look, while Shannon channels Dietrich. She gives fantastic face and her hair absolutely gleams. Really, they both look great, but because their outfits don't really correspond, and because Shannon is taller than frankie, it doesn't seem (from what we see) to be cohesive, and frankie kind of gets the shaft as a result.
For all Perry's worry about them having the hardest challenge, he and Casey are fantastic in their "high society" walk. They took the foppish angle, all Fauntleroy and Pimpernel, and I honestly loved it. Casey especially shines when he pulls out a mirror at the end of the catwalk to gaze upon himself, has it stolen by Perry, and then queenishly pulls out a second mirror. Jacki, as the executive bitch, looks pretty fierce. "I put on my 'oh-no-you-di'in'' attitude out there," she says, and it looks good. Closing the show, Ben and Ronnie, looking less like rock stars than like glittery cake toppers at a Ziggy Stardust theme party. Ben, carrying a guitar, kneels down to let Ronnie leap over him. They attempt swagger and sexiness, but it just does not work, and I don't get all the bragging about Ben's improved walk, because I still don't feel it. It's his lower back that is making him walk funny -- it's as tight as a drum.
And now the dreaded Q & A. This section could not be more irritating, for real. Ooooh, they are quick to jump on Stephanie tonight. Cory tells her she was "annoying" on the catwalk, and Tyson gleefully asks if she knows how bad she messed up her photo shoot. Cory even kind of snottily adds that, you know, if she's such a big artist, she ought to realize that the yelling they wanted her to do in the photo was art.
Niki refers to Casey and Perry's catwalk routine as "gay Shakespeare," which I think is not totally accurate, and asks Casey how he felt during his ill-fated photo shoot. He says it was hard, because he couldn't move much, and there wasn't much energy. Niki says she feels like he could have helped the girls more, though I am not sure how he could have.
Perry, Ben and Jacki are complimented for their excellent photo. "I was talking in Jacki's ear, saying some stuff that I'm probably not going to repeat," Perry says. "She has a mean left hook. It was fun."
Moving on to Ronnie and Ben and their glam rock catwalk, the boys say they were attempting to go over the top. Cory thinks, in fact, it was too over the top, causing Ronnie's bad walk to stand out more than it should have. Tyson jokingly asks if Ronnie's secretly trying to help Ben win the competition, and when everyone laughs, Ronnie says he doesn't want to be the nice guy anymore. He knows he needs to take care of himself.
frankie and Shannon both say they had a good time working together for their catwalk performance, but frankie says that in his photo shoot, he had to depend on himself to channel a lot of emotions at once. If the child did not sound so much like Ricky Ricardo, I might be able to keep myself from laughing when he tries to be serious. Jennifer says that she feels frankie's catwalk was weak and that working with Shannon made him look good.
The models are sent to the back while the panel deliberates. This week, they are ashamed and disappointed in Stephanie, but love Holly. "I think she looks like a model," Jennifer says. "I think she handles every situation like she should." However, she and Tyson doubt she is tough enough for the business. Cory disagrees, and says he thinks she can do it. They are not as impressed with Casey, who was pretty limp (not like that!) in his photo. "I see it every day of my life," Jennifer says. "It's really hard to remain yourself when the camera's in front of you." Interesting -- I would like to hear more about this modeling business of which you speak, industry expert. Maybe they can fit some of that in between the dumb arguments Perry and Jacki have every day.
They all agree that Perry had a great week. "He's a playa," Cory says. "He's a siphon for information, but don't lose [sight of the] fact, that he is a playa." Tyson grins his little grin -- he knows a playa when he sees one, for sure. "Whatever you got to do to win this thing," he says, slyly, "you got to do, baby. I'm not mad at this young man."
Moving on to Ronnie, Tyson wonders aloud what has happened to him. "Is Ben sucking the energy out of him?" he asks, and the camera cuts away before we can linger too long on the knowing smile. They go on again about how Ronnie's not right for the high fashion market, and while I could see what they were saying when they ripped on Katy for the same reason, I just cannot agree about Ronnie. Surely he's as high fashion as Tyson, right? Blah blah blah, they still love Shannon which, of course, is justified, and though Niki likes frankie's photo shoot, she thinks his catwalk is not improved. Tyson doesn't know if frankie can move past his one look and one walk. People, do you have eyes? I mean, I am really asking. Do we need to get sponsorship for some lenses up on this show? Perhaps the Pearle Vision Tinted Contact Lens craft services table? Because frankie's catwalk may suck or whatever, but the boy is too stunning to just brush off like that. And I don't even like him, but I certainly like looking at him, because I'm not blind, and isn't that the point?
With everyone back on the catwalk, Holly, Perry and Shannon are congratulated for their greatness, and Shannon is declared the winner. Casey is also declared safe, not without a little drama from bad-cop Tyson to stretch it out, leaving Ronnie, frankie and Stephanie in the bottom three.