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Joan has apparently had two abortions in the past, or "procedures" as she calls them, and she's afraid they might interfere with her ability to get pregnant, should she and Greg want to get her off the pill and start trying. Greg is about to go to basic training, and Joan is worried that once that's done he'll be shipped off to 'Nam, although baby timing may be the least of their problems, given how they're fighting. But when she cuts herself badly with a kitchen knife, Greg operates on her efficiently and charmingly, which just makes Joan realize how much she's going to miss him.
Don is on his way to Acapulco, as mentioned in the last episode, but he has a layover in L.A., so he takes the opportunity to see Anna. The two of them go out with her niece, and when he ends up driving her home, she tells him an awful truth -- Anna has severely terminal cancer, but thanks to a rather questionable decision by a doctor and some tacit approval from her sister, she doesn't even know about it. Faced with this unexpected and devastating news, Don defers Acapulco in favor of listening to Anna's ruminations about the impermanence of life, but when the sister begs him to go before he lets her in on the secret, he decides to leave, and not without a severe emotional toll. I'm not exaggerating -- I'm, like, worried for him, and he doesn't exist. Don bags Acapulco and returns to New York, where he and Pryce end up getting wasted and going to see a creature feature together. Afterward, at dinner, Pryce confesses his wife is not planning to return from England, and Don does him the solid of getting them both a hooker. Pryce is hilarious drunk but surprises me by going through with the deed; the morning, he takes off, but not regretfully, and it seems like Don may have found an unexpected friend heading into 1965. I hope this is the last of the holiday episodes for a while, because they are hella depressing.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! We open, as usual, with an extreme close-up; less typical is the fact that the shot shows us just-used stirrups being pushed back into place. Luckily, we're at least in a doctor's office, and the male gynecologist therein, the very same one that Joan recommended to Peggy back in the pilot episode, asks Joan how long it's been since she's been off the pill, and I can't believe it never occurred to me before, but if she's been taking it for the run of the series we've got a story-based reason for the large amounts of padding Christina Hendricks always wears. Anyway, when the doctor (by the way, he's played by Remy Auberjonois, and the resemblance to his father Rene is quite striking) hears her answer, he tells her it usually takes a month to be fully fertile again, and Joan's mildly put out at the realization that the deathly warnings she's received about the perils of missing even one dose may have been a bit exaggerated. Of course, she can talk to Peggy if she wants another "better safe than sorry" opinion. The doc suggests she accompany Greg to basic training for morale purposes, not seeming to realize that would drag down the collective will to live of the entire viewing audience; opting for modesty, Joan replies that they don't even yet know when he's going. The doctor appraisingly notes that most "gals" who have been married as long as Joan has don't wait to have kids, and Joan, just for a moment, lets us see the hurt that statement brings before asserting that she and Greg have a plan. The doc then tells "Jojo" (aw) that he only went to Korea because he was made to, and he didn't have a wife at the time. His comments may seem invasive, but probably not relative to the examination; in any case, Joan doesn't seem bothered, instead saying she only wants to know if they'll be able to start a family when they're ready, and he affectionately takes her hand before starting to exit. Before he leaves, though, Joan lets us know she wants to be sure everything's still functional, as she's had a couple "procedures." Some concern enters his voice as he tells her he thought there was only one, and she confesses there was another prior to that. After a long moment, he asks if the first one was performed by a physician, but Joan can only reply, "She said she was a midwife." If that's true, did she...get confused? Regardless, "Walter" tells her, to her relief, that obviously, she was able to get pregnant after that and everything seemed fine then and seems fine now. "Like the song says, whatever will be will be." Or, as my beloved Coach once said on Cheers, "Que so what so what." He wishes her a Happy New Year, and leaves.
Don arrives and Allison greets him with a new Jackie hairdo. She seems to have been able to erase the awkwardness from last week, and I think it's fair to say that despite Peggy's copywriting skills, Allison is the best assistant Don's ever had (no pun intended; I just REALLY couldn't get around it). Don's not been in his office more than a few seconds before Harry comes in to bother him, and despite my antipathy for the character, I'm really not editorializing; Don's "What do you want?" is delivered in a tone usually reserved for particularly aggressive Jehovah's witnesses. Anyway, Harry wants Don to go on some TV-related errand while he's in Los Angeles for a day on his way to Acapulco, and Don shows what he thinks of that idea when he looks at Harry and replies "No," when Pryce enters and asks if he's interrupting. Heh. Pryce mentions a meeting set for that afternoon, about which Harry wastes no time whining and suggesting Pryce take off for England already. Pryce counters that he's happiest when he's working, and acidly says another day and a half won't come close to the amount of "fiddling about" Harry did in L.A. that year. Having been tag-teamed, and not in the good way, Harry exits, leaving Pryce to drop off some documents for Don to sign before he leaves and wish Don a sincere Happy New Year, a sentiment that's rather warmly returned. Once Pryce is gone, Don gets to work on the papers as he offhandedly asks Allison what she'll be doing; misinterpreting his question (or simply taking an opportunity), she somewhat wryly says she'll be there until the bitter end. Well, that's good news for me; after last week I certainly had my doubts. Don clarifies he was talking about her New Year's plans, and they exchange light small talk before Allison tells Don if he wants her or someone else on his desk for West Coast hours, she can arrange it. Don declines the offer...
...and we cut to Joan, who arrives at Pryce's office and asks why his door is shut. Pryce's assistant replies that she doesn't like pipe smoke. "He's very considerate." Joan obviously loathes this woman, so she doesn't wait for her to dither about for very long before entering and sunnily telling Pryce she's getting fried chicken for lunch, and she knows he likes it so she wanted to include him. He's gratified, seemingly both at the consideration and her ensuing enunciation of the words "thigh" and "breast," but when she then submits an oh-by-the-way request for a few days off the second week of January, Pryce points out that she's getting New Year's off. Joan tells him Greg's schedule isn't flexible, but this of course is not the time to bring up any issues of a familial nature to Pryce, and he likens her situation to "some nurse" asking Greg for days off right after a holiday. Holding her temper, Joan tells him she'd be happy with only two days, but when he brings up some expense reports that he'll need her help on, she somewhat tartly suggests they do it now. "No one knows why we're here anyway." Pryce heatedly counters that there's work to be done, "and I understand that all men are dizzy and powerless to refuse you, but consider me the incorruptible exception!" I'm guessing they had him nail a hooker as part of the episode to counter the inevitable speculation of "So, is Pryce gay or what?" borne of his refusal here, although his subsequent calling her out on the fried chicken gambit seems reasonably justified. Less so is his ensuing taunt - "Don't go and cry about it" - and I don't know what revenge Joan might exact for this, but the purposeful way she marches out the door makes me think we won't want to miss it.
On the plane, Don appears to be visibly relaxing already, and then we cut to him driving down what looks like Route 1 in a flashy red convertible. And thankfully, he's not working as Harry's errand boy (not that there was really any doubt that that wasn't going to happen) but is paying Anna a visit. God, has it been almost a season and a half since he saw Anna in "The Mountain King"? I need to go back and watch that episode again, although given what happens here it's not going to be easy. Anyway, Anna's on her porch, and when she comes into full view Don sees she's got a cast on her right foot and is walking with a cane. As they exchange a warm embrace, she tells him her leg is broken and then asks how he is; knowing him as well as she does, his silence is all she needs to hear to get the picture, and she tells him he just needs some R and R. Inside, he goes to the bar, and she orders "half of what you have," which suggests she's developed a serious alcohol problem. Noticing some discoloration on her wall, he notes she's got a leak, but she tells him that part is fixed, and it just needs some new paint. Anna's barely gotten her drink in her hand when a blonde woman who looks like she could be Anna's sister (and revisiting my recap, I see that Anna mentioned having a sister who looked just like her with two good legs; it's amazing how rigorously the show keeps its continuity) enters with some laundry and a college-aged girl in tow. "Patty" brightens as she greets Don as "Dick," and the girl then introduces herself as "Stephanie," prompting Don to note in wonder that the last time he saw her she was just a little girl. Considering that probably means she was around Sally's age at the time, it makes his later overtures even grosser, no? After establishing that they're helping Anna out during her infirmity and they live a fair driving distance away, Patty asks how long Don's staying, and he tells her it's just for the night. Patty's face falls: "Here?" Of course, she has a hidden reason to be concerned, but when Anna cuts in and reminds her she asked to be told when she's intruding, Patty replies, "The cast isn't stable and we don't need any more accidents." I'm pretty sure Anna would consider the risk worth it, and what's more, she'd hardly be alone. Anyway, when Patty goes to put away some of Anna's clothes (Stephanie claimed she didn't know where they go) Anna tells Don that Stephanie's studying political science at Berkeley. Don mock-pointedly asks if she's sitting in, and Stephanie replies that she agrees with what the Vietnam protesters are doing, "but somebody's got to go to class." When Patty rejoins them, Anna invites them to stay for dinner, and when Patty begs off with a prior commitment, Anna suggests Stephanie still stay. Patty obviously isn't thrilled with the idea, and asks how she'll get home, but Don volunteers that he's got a car, and Anna adds that she could also spend the night. After an indescribably hilarious look at Stephanie and then at Don, Patty accedes to the request and wishes Don a Happy New Year before leaving. Don then says he's going to clean up, "and then we're going to that place with the beer and the abalone." On that stretch of coastline, it would behoove him to be a little more specific. When he's gone, Stephanie asks why she's really staying, getting this response: "I wanted him to meet you. And I know you've got grass." Honey, you should be getting plenty of medicinal...oh, whoops. Forget I said anything.
Joan arrives home and finds Greg with his coat on and some leftover chicken in his hand, obviously on his way to work. He greets her happily, but when she goes to heat up the chicken for him, they discuss their vacation plans, and when he hears that she can't get those days off she wanted, he tells her he definitely has to work on New Year's. He then suggests she take the days off anyway, which doesn't go over very well, especially when she asserts that he's going to Vietnam after he finishes basic training. Not wanting to hear that, he tells her that's not definite, but the stress of not knowing anything about their future is obviously tearing her apart, and he's not ready to deal with that. Referring to his training, I think, she blurts that he doesn't even know when he's going, but the last thing he says on his way out the door is "Soon." When I was so jazzed about the prospect of him leaving, I guess I didn't consider the possibility that I'd actually have to see it.
Stephanie gets the episode title in telling some war story about her roommate becoming born-again or whatever; and then after throwing Don some good-natured shade about his chosen profession, she saunters somewhat unsteadily to the restroom, leaving Don to ask Anna how she'd feel about him bringing the kids out there in the spring. Hoo boy, the fight with Betty that would require. I'm sad I won't get to see it. Anna, of course, is thrilled at the prospect, but when Don brings up his ex, Anna says she'll understand. I know she hasn't met Betty, but still: Anna Draper, ladies and gentlemen! I mean, honestly. Don is pretty much of the same mind, saying he doesn't think Betty will ever understand, and Anna points out it was logical to expect her to feel hurt by the bombshell he dropped on her. Don admits once he told her, he felt relieved, as the act of lying itself had gotten bigger than the secret it was masking, but he knew once she saw who he was, she'd never want to look at him again, and that eventuality was well-deserved. I think it's entirely consistent for him to feel this way, and it's not like I'm falling over myself to defend Betty, but I do think if Don had been faithful to her he would have had a much better shot at keeping her. Anyway, Stephanie returns, and as she and Don dance to "Old Cape Cod," Don opines that the singer is inviting us to a beautiful place, and while he's never been there, "every time I hear this song, I want to go." It never ceases to amaze me how the sparse dialogue on this show conveys everything you need to know. Don's got a massive romantic side - it's where his talent for advertising comes from - but his own self-esteem issues, his feeling that he doesn't deserve happiness, prevents him from indulging it for long. Anyway...
...the three of them arrive home, and the way Anna collapses onto the couch makes it clear she wouldn't be going anywhere for a while even with two good legs. Stephanie says she'll hitchhike home, but Don worries she'll get picked up by "some creep." Stephanie gives him a look and wryly replies, "I guess this is safer." Here's a newsflash: College kids are sassy!
In the car, Stephanie asks if Don is married or divorced, as there's obviously no way he could have stayed single his whole adult life, looking as he does. Hearing his current status, Stephanie asks if he goes "on those dates where you sit there and ask each other questions," and for your future economy of words the term you're looking for is "first dates," my dear. Don sighs that they're "a means to an end," but Stephanie points out a flaw in the method -- no one knows what's wrong with themselves. "Everyone else can see it right away." Don looks intrigued by her keen observation...
...and then they're pulling up to her door. She thanks him for the ride and asks what time his flight is, and he says noon, "unless you think I should change it." Oh, Don. Leaving aside any other commentary on this, how would you explain it to Anna? I mean, not that there's any romantic hold there, but it is her niece, you know, and her affection clearly means more to him than just about anything in the world. On top of that, this is the only place in the world he's ever seemed upstanding, and pure. Anyway, she patiently asks him what he's doing, and he confesses he doesn't know, but says she's so "beautiful, and young," and adds that he and Anna never had a romantic relationship. Stephanie's on the same page as I am, though, pointing out that regardless, Don loves her, and he admits that that's true, "for lots of reasons, and in a very different way." That is, a way that will last beyond his orgasm. Her face falling, Stephanie says she has to tell him something, even though she promised she wouldn't, "but I see you two together, and I know I have to." And here's where dread suffused me on first viewing, and with good reason - Anna is dying of cancer. That's why she broke her leg -- "it's in her bones, all over her body." Don reels for a moment at the news, and then exasperatedly opines that it's like her not to say anything, but he's stunned and angry to hear the kicker - Anna doesn't even know. Stephanie goes on that the doctors said she doesn't have long, so there's no point in telling her, but Don bites out, "Some quacks out in Pedro?" Also, he pronounces the name of the town correctly (PEE-dro instead of PAY-dro), which may not mean anything to you but made a native friend of mine discover that it was possible for him to love this show more. Stephanie begs him not to make her sorry she told him. "I didn't want you to leave here and not know." On the verge of tears, she gets out of the car, and Don looks like he's sobered up in a big hurry.
When he gets back, Anna is of course asleep on the couch, and he gathers her in his arms and takes her off to bed. After presumably carefully depositing her, he returns to the couch and lights a cigarette as unusually (if appropriate) heavy and mournful strings play on the soundtrack. We stay with him, sitting motionless in the same position, as night cinematically turns into day...
...and then he's stripped down to boxers and T-shirt to tackle that painting job. Anna hobbles out and is surprised; she "woke up in a panic" because she thought she might have missed him, but he's obviously not ready to go. He confirms that, saying he thought he'd extend his sojourn a bit if it's okay, and she happily invites him to stay as long as he likes. She then indulges in a wake and bake while babbling about the large number of nearby airplanes and seeing UFOs, and then tells him he doesn't have to do the painting, but he says he wants to. Anna: "I'm not going to fight watching Dick Whitman paint my living room in his shorts." I was afraid she had stopped making sense permanently, but that's obviously not the case. She talks about how seeing a UFO made her question her belief system, but when he opines that he hasn't needed a UFO to make that happen, she takes his hand: "I know everything about you. And I still love you." Yeah, as much of a wreck he is about her dying and all, I'm thinking he'd feel worse if he'd boffed her niece last night. She lightens things up by cracking on his paint job, and then Patty enters with some groceries and righteous indignation about the pot-smoking. She then seethes that Don obviously can't keep his pants on before stomping out, but Don quickly gets dressed, and not just to prove her wrong...
...because he catches up with her outside and says he needs to talk to her. She says she heard his car pull up at 2:30 and bites out that Stephanie's half his age, but Don doesn't bother with that, asking instead what the plan is. "Just gonna let her wake up one day in agony and you tell her it's over?" Patty opts for guilty silence, and I hope that doesn't mean she was going to pawn off the bad-news-bearing onto her daughter. Emboldened, Don says he assumes that she's done everything within her "limited means," but he's there now, and Anna's going to see some real doctors and not live in the dark. Patty counters that they showed the X-rays to a number of specialists and they all say the same thing - it's too far advanced to do anything. Don wonders, if that's the case, how it's possible that Anna doesn't suspect anything, but Patty reminds him that she had polio as a child, and as such has been going to doctors regularly her entire life, and besides, she hasn't let on, "so this is the way it's gonna be." Don tells her how important Anna is to him, but Patty sharply informs him he has no say in this decision. "You're just a man in a room with a checkbook. I'm sorry." Given that Don has been paying for love lately, that comment is even harsher than it was meant to be, and that's a fairly narrow target to hit. Softening the blow, Patty gives him one more bag of groceries to take in and earnestly asks him to do the decent thing. "The longer you're here, the more likely you are to say something." Don looks, as you might expect, lost and alone...
...and when he goes back inside, Anna speculates that Patty thinks Don brought the pot. "If it wasn't for my niece, we'd have killed each other by now." Don't know what to say to that, other than ouch. Don defends her, saying she means well and she's family. "Not everybody has that." Yeah, on top of everything else, Don's wondering who would take care of him were he in Anna's position. I'd ask why he even got out of bed today, except for the part where he never actually went to sleep. He says he has to tell her something, but we hear some noise from a plane in the distance, and I'm not sure if this reminds him of the last time her worldview got shattered or what, but he can't go through with it, instead merely saying that he has to go. He strokes her hair and apologizes, but she smiles big and says it's okay - she wants him to do everything he wants to do. I'm not sure she means that, as right now he looks like he wants to stab himself with a large knife to end the pain of this conversation, but instead he half-chokes that he'll bring the kids out at Easter, and on yet another level, not only is Don losing his closest friend and confidante, but he's actively participating in deceiving the person who always most encouraged him to tell the truth. He gives her a smile that looks like a death mask and then goes to finish up the painting, and I can understand why, as it's certainly been by far the most pleasant part of his day.
Joan is standing on a chair pulling pencils out from the ceiling (wonder if this is an example of Harry's fiddling about) when Peggy comes in with a box of flowers for her. When Joan opens it, she sees they're long-stemmed roses and seems quite touched, and Peggy fondly says it's so nice to see someone happily married around there. Seemingly as a reward for her kind words, Joan suggests Peggy leave early, saying she'll make an excuse for her, and Peggy's appreciative, as she does have to buy a dress for New Year's. Joan agrees that she'll want to stand out from the other girls, but when Peggy corrects her that she's spending the holiday with Mark, Joan bids her a quick Happy New Year and leaves the room, and I love how people seem just to have no idea how to deal with the fact that she has a boyfriend. However, Joan, having just read the card, can be forgiven for having something else on her mind...
...as she storms into Pryce's office and bites out a recitation: "Darling, I've been an ass. Kisses, Lane." She throws the flowers at him and seethes that she's not his darling, and while American men are bad enough, "none of them has ever so consistently made me feel like a helpless, stupid little girl." However, Pryce quickly explains that he also sent flowers to his wife. "The sentiments were very different, I assure you." He bellows for his secretary, who gives an unconvincing explanation about florists mixing up orders and whatever, prompting this response from Joan: "Sandra, everyone makes mistakes. But the fact that you're the kind of person who cannot accept blame is egregious." This being prior to the publication of I Always Look Up The Word Egregious, Sandra asks what she means, so Joan clarifies: "I can't believe I hired you." Awesome. Pryce, equally enraged, says he doesn't know if he can even call his wife to apologize, and asks what "Mrs. Harris's" note said; the answer is "Joan, forgive me - Lane." Pryce drops the papers he's holding in chagrin, and Joan summarily cans Sandra, telling her to get her things and that she'll be paid through the end of the year. She leaves, and Pryce impotently barks, "Those instructions you understood!" Hee. Joan says she'll have "Megan" clean up the flowers, and leaves Pryce to do his signature move where he removes his glasses and rubs his eyes for dear life.
Don, dressed for traveling, finds Anna painting a flower on the newly-colored wall. She invites him to sign his work, and he stoops down as she tells him he should swim as much as he can while he's down there, "but no cliff diving." After the day he's had, I'm not sure he'll agree to that. When he reveals his work, we see it says "Dick + Anna '64," which could just break your heart if you stare at it too long, so instead she pulls him into a long embrace and assures him everything will be fine. Since we're facing him, we get to see how extensively he knows that's not true, but he simply tells her she can call him for anything. Unable to take any more, he heads for the door, but when she turns back to her painting, he takes one more long, last, tragic look at her...
...and then he's on the plane. A stewardess interrupts his reverie with a fresh cocktail and a wish for a Happy New Year; he listlessly returns the sentiment, and when she's gone, contemplates the small party hat on the tray to his drink. When the props department is getting in on the dramatic irony, you know your emotions are getting trampled.
Greg comes home, apparently the morning after New Year's, to find Joan wearing a lei, and she explains that since they missed midnight together, they can celebrate it on Hawaii time. Seeing the ham and pineapple on the table, he apologizes that he ate already, so she offers him a glass of fresh orange juice; however, when she goes to make it, she cuts her hand badly with a sharp knife. In a higher voice than I've ever heard from her, she tells him it really hurts, and he has her apply pressure to it while he gets his bag. She wants him to take her to the hospital, which shows an obvious if understandable lack of confidence in his skills as a physician, but he doesn't take offense. She does then wonder if there's some "medical ethical law against operating on your wife," but he merely laughs and tells her treating her injury is as natural to him as office work is to her, and he does it all the time. She's still not convinced, but after disinfecting the cut, he employs an old saw by pointing her attention to something behind her and then injecting her with an anesthetic, adding, "I usually save that for kids." Heh. He then tells her a hillbilly joke as he stitches up the wound, and it isn't very good but he's still surprisingly charming and obviously makes her feel a lot better, but then she starts crying, not because of the pain but because his efficacy here is only serving to underscore how much she's going to miss him. He understands, but as if to both explain why he's needed in the Army and re-emphasize that they have no control over the future, he tells her, "I can't fix anything else, but I can fix this." Joan nods sadly, and Don may be having the worse of this episode on paper, but I'd give a lot of money to a charity whose sole purpose is to make sure Joan never has reason to cry.
Don turns up at the office and realizes that the front door is open; inside, he finds Pryce, who wonders why he's not in Acapulco. Don tersely explains that he didn't feel like it, and Pryce replies by saying he had too much to do to go to England, and his family will be back soon enough. Don asks if he can help himself to a drink, but Pryce does him one better, breaking out a bottle he says is "rather special" that his father sent him for his birthday. Don asks what it is, getting this response: "Who knows. He's one of those alcoholics who thinks that he's collecting." Heh. They drink, establishing that Pryce Senior was definitely drunk when he made this recommendation, and Don starts to leave Pryce's office, but Pryce tells him that he made a discovery while going over the company's records: "Although things are precarious financially, it's been a magnificent year." I guess that means he'll be hiring a new assistant. Don raises a glass and leaves...
...but I don't know why he even bothered, as when we return, they've both obviously been drinking quite a bit. Pryce is lying on the couch in his office when Don calls to him (Pryce's answering "WHAT?" is hilarious); when Pryce comes out to the break area, Don suggests they go see a movie, and rattles off some choices; when he gets to Send Me No Flowers, Pryce is like, "No," and that's a little Catskills for this show but it doesn't mean I didn't laugh. Sometime after, they've got their coats on and Don is filling up a flask, but they still haven't settled on a flick. Pryce suggests The Umbrellas Of Cherbourg, and Don appreciatively notes it's got Catherine DeNeuve in it...
...but instead, we cut to them drinking and watching Gamera. Ha! Pryce loudly opines that the film is very good, and then Don drunkenly tells him there's something going on in the theater - hand jobs. Pryce is appropriately intrigued, and asks how many of the theatergoers Don thinks are so engaged; then, when some woman asks him to keep it down, he babbles some gibberish in what he thinks is a Japanese accent, cracking Don up. Pleased by the affirmation, he keeps it up...
...and then they're at dinner, where Pryce admits to Don he loves being in New York, even alone. He then tells Don he reminds him of a guy he knew in school. "We followed him around in a pack, and he didn't notice we were there." Pryce may be immune to Joan's charms, but I'm starting to think Don could have extra days off whenever he feels like it. Pryce then mentions that "Rebecca," his wife, convinced him the rest of the office was on holiday together without him, and Don supposes they haven't been all that welcoming. Pryce says that Pete is friendly, "although I believe unintentionally." HA! It's hilarious to think that Pete's so socially clumsy that even his triumphs occur by accident. Pryce admits, however, that his wife is "quite severe with people, including me," and adds that they had a series of arguments over where to spend the holidays, and the upshot was a recent and "rather solemn" phone call in which she informed him she was not returning, and "then she put my son on the phone." Ouch. Don agrees, and Pryce asks him how he knew when his own marriage was over. Don replies honestly that it wasn't his decision, and, referring to the conversation that got Roger to leave Mona, adds that he's learned the hard way not to give advice in these situations. Pryce laughs uncomfortably and says that Don's supposed to tell him to get on a plane, but Don, proving that Dr. Miller had more interest to him than as a dinner date, asks if that's what he wants, or if it's just what people expect of him. Pryce says he simply wants his beef, and just like that, the food appears. I'll have to remember that one. Don then mentions that he's got an appointment with some female companionship that night, and he could see if she has a friend, if Pryce is interested. Pryce initially declines, but when Don is basically like, "C'mon," he opts for what he wants rather than what's expected of him, to Don's delight. Don then smiles that he's not hungry, looking forward as he is to getting slapped around, and Pryce asks how that can be, as he picks up his steak and compliments the "beautiful piece of American meat." He then stands up, slaps the steak onto his crotch, and yells, "Look at me! I got a big Texas belt buckle! Yee-haw!" It's too bad Pryce didn't get this hammered at the Christmas party, because I have a feeling this is one performance Lee Garner Jr. would really appreciate.
Cut to Pryce and Don guffawing at a comedy club. The comedian, who should get a non-bowlhead haircut if he wants to throw stones, finishes up a masturbation bit before singling Don and Pryce out as a couple and makes some tired jokes at their expense, prompting Pryce to shout gleefully: "We're not homosexuals! We're divorced!" Hee. Just then, however, Don's regular slap-girl "Candace" and her friend "Janine" turn up, and when the comedian sees this, he announces, "I guess I was wrong. You're not queers - you're rich." Damn straight, dude. Enjoy your hand. Don suggests they get out of there...
...and then they're at his apartment, wherein Candace is poking around in the kitchen, complaining that there are no mixers and no food. Janine, however, opines that the place is very manly, and Don tells her it came that way. "I think Norman Mailer shot a deer over there." Heh. Pryce smirks, and when Candace calls Janine in to help her, Pryce eagerly notes that Candace seems to know her way around his place, and asks what that's like. Don reminds him he doesn't want to give advice, and then Janine returns with drinks and suggests Pryce show her around. Pryce: "I suppose I am a bit curious myself." Hee. Don directs him where to go, and once inside a bedroom, Pryce and Janine waste no time getting started. I mean, he takes off his glasses and loosens his tie here. I'm surprised they could show it on basic cable. Back in the living room, Candace asks what happened to Acapulco, and instead of answering, Don, referring to Janine's bimbosity, playfully opines there's no way she goes to Barnard. Busted, Candace smiles that buttoned-up guys such as Pryce like women like Janine, and I'd say that may be true as long as they're not in charge of ordering flowers for them. Candace then suggests they go into the other bedroom, but Don wants to stay out there. His place, his rules, I guess, but won't that be a little awkward if Pryce has to use the can and finds Candace slapping the shit out of Don? Especially if that ends up giving him ideas?
Well, it's a moot point now that it's the morning, I guess. Pryce emerges, fully dressed and not a hair out of place, as you'd expect from an Englishman. He asks for a glass of water, and while Don goes to get it, declares that he should at least pay for his girl. Don says she cost twenty-five, and Pryce throws in an extra five, suggesting he did not have a bad time at all. Then again, compared to his wife, an appendectomy would seem like a thrill. Pryce says he should go and grabs his hat, but takes a moment to thank Don for the "welcome distraction." When he's gone, Don proceeds to rip off the bedclothes and collapse onto the bed Pryce was using, and I didn't get this on first viewing but I think Don put Pryce in his bedroom, and I'm guessing he didn't use the other one because that's where his kids sleep when they come to visit. But my speculation and his hangover aside...
...he's already in the conference room with Pete (nice work if you can get it, Kartheiser), Roger, Joan, and Harry when Pryce turns up with apologies for being late. After everyone settles in, Joan asks, "Shall we begin 1965?" We get a look at Don contemplating what that might bring for him, and then we're out.
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. You can email him at couchbaron@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron and https://twitter.com/eastfifthbliss.
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