Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Turkey Lurkey Christmas To You, Jerky
By Couch Baron | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 08.01.2010
Freddy and Peggy are discussing ideas for the face of Pond's, and Freddy's suggestion of Tallulah Bankhead frankly shocks Peggy, as she explains that the research overwhelmingly shows that Pond's is trying to attract young women. Freddy, who seems to be chain-smoking these days (a realistic development from his quitting drinking) tells her he knows this is what the client wants, but Peggy points out that they have an image to uphold as an agency, and the work they've been doing is very different from this. Speaking of the client, Roger stumbles in from lunch with him ("Cal Rutledge" is his name) and immediately declares his need to lie down; at this, Freddy goes running for the phone like a concerned sponsor would, and after apparently eliciting a confession that Cal did in fact have a finger or five at lunch, they make an appointment at a church that ostensibly hosts AA meetings. Peggy asks if everything's okay, prompting Freddy to ask her if she can't put two and two together. To be fair, Freddy, it's a little inconsistent to ask for deductive reasoning from someone you're kind of treating like a bimbo. Making my point for me, he tells "Cutie" that he wants ten taglines from her and then he'll narrow them down and they'll go to Don. Peggy's kind of stunned at how her onetime mentor is patronizing her, although I suppose you could bright-side the part where if behavior such as this toward her is unusual, she's come a long way. Of course, Don was a dick to her last week, but some mountains are harder to move than others.
Roger is in fact reclining on the chaise lounge in his office when his secretary buzzes with the news that Lee Garner Jr. is on the phone. When we see the man in question, he's getting a manicure on his right hand as he holds the phone with his left, and everyone has their own ideas about grooming but I wonder if he'd do this in front of his father. But this isn't the gayest thing he'll do in this episode by a long shot, so let's set the stage: He's in town, and when Roger offhandedly mentions the Christmas party (an error he probably wouldn't make sober), Lee wastes no time in saying he'll be there. In a panic, Roger calls Pryce into his office and says they've got to scale up the Christmas party by a factor of lots, causing Pryce to put his head in his hands and then gasbag about expenses adding up; Roger in return tells "Olivier" that Lucky Strike is their business, and "if Lee Garner Jr. wants three wise men flown in from Jerusalem, he gets it!" Personally, I think three wise men would know not to go anywhere near Lee Garner Jr., but it's true the Santa thing hasn't happened yet.
Roger barks for Joan, and when she appears, Pryce tells her there's been a "small adjustment" to the scale of the party. Hilariously, Joan sardonically over-enunciates, "Lower or higher?" As if lower wouldn't mean they'd have to roll drunks on the Bowery for their bottles of Thunderbird. After Pryce breaks the news about Garner, Roger tells her they have to change the rating of the party "from convalescent home to Roman orgy," and Joan's all over it; they're going to need to appear to have more employees, so she's going to allow everyone escorts; also, there will be "New York food, deli and Chinese, and some kind of gift for Mr. Garner." Pryce has already left in a huff at this point, so Roger's free to flirt, saying she's off limits, and Joan replies, "I don't think he's the one that needs to be reminded." When she's right, she's right. Roger keeps flirting with her (he's taken the opportunity to resume drinking, by the way) until Joan, fairly unimpressed, leaves, but not without giving him an old-school sashay away to admire. It probably looks even better to him, with two of her to watch.
That fetus Mark who accompanied Peggy to Don's shows up at Peggy's door (she looks like she's moved on up to the East Side, by the way) with some Christmas cookies that "Sheila" from "the station" baked, and he adds that Sheila's sixty years old so we don't get the wrong idea, like, I appreciate the effort, but you've got such a baby face I think I'd be more comfortable with Peggy dating Glen. Despite that, Peggy and Mark start kissing, and when she tries to slow him down, he asks if "Rasputin" is home, and Peggy laughs that "she" will hear him. I don't even want to guess who that might be, if we've even met her before, but I want to recap the flirting between Peggy and Mark even less, so let's wrap it up: He wants to do her, she wants to wait, and he wants to be her "first." Hee hee hee. Poor naïve fetus. He goes on to tell her that in Sweden, people make love at the drop of the hat, prompting this response: "You're never going to get me to do anything Swedish people do." So, do you vaguely remember how Karen, Peggy's old liberated roommate, was Swedish? Me too. HA HA HA! Anyway, Peggy kicks him out, but not before some more uncomfortable-to-watch kissing that's punctuated by this remark: "I want you to think about that." I'm laughing again, but it's a lot less mirthful this time. Ew.
Don staggers into his hallway to find Phoebe cleaning up some vomit from the party; he drops his keys in front of the door and slurs that he's coming from work, prompting Phoebe to ask if he works at the White Horse Tavern. If he did, they'd have had to expand, I'd imagine. Anyway, after Don tells her he doesn't hate all Christmases, just this one, Phoebe gets the door for him and puts him into bed, easily throwing off his attempts to seduce her while mentioning that her father was a drunk. He asks how she can work in a hospital, but she tells him she loves it -- "everything happens there" -- before bidding him goodnight.
The next day, jaunty music plays as Joan is overseeing all the preparation for Operation Make Lee Garner Happy, while Freddy is chomping on corned beef and pitching a bunch of over-the-hill actresses to Peggy. Peggy tries to keep it civil while shooting him down, but when Freddy suggests they go with the angle "Use Pond's, or you won't ever get married," Peggy has had more than enough, and tells him while she's pitched his name on countless occasions for freelance work, everyone's right about him. "You're old fashioned, you know that?" Well, at least she's not referencing the drink, but this still goes down worse than the corned beef, and Freddy takes his leave, ostensibly to get dressed for the party. And on the plus side, he doesn't refer to Peggy as a tomato on the way out.
Glen calls the Francis residence, but no one answers. Meanwhile, in the city, the party is getting underway, with ham and bad Christmas music on tap for everyone. The Cranes and Campbells discuss their Christmas plans before Jane, obviously referring to that girl Bethany with whom she set Don up, asks him if he's spending the holiday (he claims he's going to Acapulco) with anyone special, and he somewhat apologetically says no. Peggy then appears with the fetus, and since Don remembers him and not Phoebe I must re-ascertain that he is off his game something fierce.
Elsewhere, a bunch of crotchety types (Bertram is among them, as you might guess) are decrying the perils of socialism, but when Dr. Miller catches sight of Don, she perks up. Joan then gets everyone's attention, and not just by the red dress with the ribbon she's wearing that Roger specifically requested, and tells them that it's time -- "Man your battle stations!" Again, where Lee Jr. is concerned, she's saying a mouthful. Also, Roger asks where Greg is, and Joan casually replies, "Saving lives." I don't know what she's covering up here, but I have this feeling that Greg's in a VA paraplegic hospital somewhere. Just playing a hunch, said hunch being informed by how horribly depressing this show can be. Anyway, Lee Jr. soon appears, wearing a fur-lined overcoat, and again, I wonder if this is another subtle hint that he's queening out a bit these days. I suppose it could just be re