Are you ready? After an incredibly boring first half of the Real World season, I'm ready to recap some completely non-redeeming reality action, and I know I won't be disappointed by this show.
The credits begin with an incredibly cheesy, fucking letterboxed shot of some water. An announcer asks, "If you had to make a choice between love and money, which would you choose?" Is that really even a question for most people? It is for the people on this show, apparently. Oh, but there's a twist: "Would you be willing to risk everything for a chance to have both?" What exactly are they risking here, besides their dignity? And their reputations? And their...okay, I guess there is some risk involved. So let's find out the ground rules.
Sixteen singles set sail on a boat to the Caribbean. Every two days, each single picks a mate, and as a couple, they compete in challenges. At the end of each forty-eight-hour round, the women vote to eliminate one man, and the men vote to eliminate one woman. The eliminated singles are banished to Loser Island. Ha! That's an awesome name. The best part is that Loser Island is represented visually by a shot of some goats walking through a bunch of garbage. Are they trying to imply that the eliminated singles are goats? That they could only mate with goats? I don't know. One couple will win "a glamorous trip around the world," and $200,000. Each single is introduced, but it all goes by so quickly that you wouldn't remember them anyway, so I'm just going to wait until they do something on the show before I talk about them. The credits do feature a great shot of the infamous bug-eyed girl, who inspired Nosebleed on the forums to start a thread called "Church of the Bug-Eyed Girl." That cracks me up every time I see it.
The boat arrives for boarding in St. Georges, Grenada. And don't forget that this is a Bunim/Murray show, so I'm sure they will be making guest appearances in these recaps at some point. The boat's captain has a look on his face like, "What the fuck did I agree to?" Various single women explain that the point of Love Cruise is to find your ideal mate, but also to compete for money and a trip around the world. Wait. Some of these people really think that they're going to find their "ideal mate" on this show? That's the funniest thing I've heard yet. In case you missed the credits, another single explains that the women vote off the men, and the men vote off the women, and the object is to be the last one standing. The singles mingle and chat while waiting to board the ship. Bug-Eyed Girl is all bugging her eyes out while telling a story.