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So...I suppose "where were we" is the epitome of a loaded question, and yet... There are (at least) two realities, now. One is taking place in L.A. in 2004. And unless I misunderstood what I saw, I believe this new L.A. reality exists because the Jack Daniels plan worked; when Juliet banged on Jughead with the rock, the bomb detonated, and the island and all its inhabitants from 1977 (right?) sank to the bottom of the sea. So, everyone who was on Oceanic 815 (Shannon was not) has arrived safe and mostly sound at LA X, but some of them are slightly different. For example, Hurley never has any bad luck, ever, but I'm getting ahead of myself. The other reality is the one with which we are most familiar and in which we're most invested, and it's happening back on Craphole Island, where Juliet is dead; Sayid is dying, and Hurley needs to lead everyone to the Temple, like Jacob's ghost told him.
At LA X, the people have deplaned and are setting about collecting their luggage and going their separate ways, because after all, these are just random strangers who shared a flight. Live alone, or at least not with each other; die at a reasonable age, of less spectacular causes. Not as catchy, is it? Anyhow, there's a problem with Jin's luggage. He's got assloads of undeclared cash in it, and he's unable to speak a word of English in his own defense. It seems Sun can speak English, but in 2004, Jin is still a domineering asshat who has again gotten on Sun about buttoning up that damned beige cardigan, so when he's taken in by security at customs, Sun's only response to the female security guard who suspects Sun knows everything that has been said is, "No... English." There is also a problem with Jack's biggest and previously ever-present baggage, i.e. his father. Christian's corpse and casket have gone missing, and the funeral is scheduled two hours from now. While trying to suss everything out with the claims department, Jack meets a nice man in a wheelchair (Locke!) who may have lost his knives, but is generous enough to give Jack some perspective: Oceanic didn't lose your father -- just his body. Jack's not only playing catcher; he's pitching, too. He gives Locke his card and tells him that nothing is irreversible (oh boys, if you only knew) and tells him to see him for a complimentary consult.
Never one to accept her fate, Kate cons her Marshal into letting her use the ladies room. He goes inside with her, but lets her close the stall door -- sucker. Inside it, she tries to pick the lock on her cuffs with a pen, but the Marshal doesn't give her enough time, so she has to improvise. Luckily, she's very good at that. She knocks him out, grabs his gun, covers her cuffs and chains with his suit coat, and tells two women who happen upon the scene that he's some random airport bathroom lady-attacker. She makes a quick getaway from the scene, but of course the women report the incident to security, and soon the Marshal has regained consciousness and the chase is on. Kate makes her first narrow escape tonight, aided by an amused stranger (SAWYER!), when she ends up on an elevator with airport security. She makes her second escape when the Marshal spots her on the curb, jumping into a random cab, which is already occupied by a pretty blonde (CLAIRE!). Kate points the Marshal's gun at the driver and tells him to step on it. How far will she go? How far will she get? Is this reality's Claire pregnant? Alas... more questions.
Meanwhile, back on Craphole, there are two stories going on. At Four Toes, Faux-Locke is putting Ben and the rest in their place. It's nice to see Terry O'Quinn in a less pathetic role, but as he and the rest of that group pass by John Locke's corpse on the sand, I can't help but feel sorry for real-island-Locke, and pause to hope that new-reality L.A. Jack can reverse new-reality L.A. Locke's paralysis.
The biggest action on the island revolves around getting Sayid to the Temple. Sawyer refuses to go with them, and asks Miles to stay behind (even though Kate offered) to help him bury Juliet's body. Once Jack, Kate, Hurley, Jin, and a mostly dead Sayid climb in the van and head off to the Temple, Sawyer reveals the real reason he chose Miles; he hears dead people, remember? And Sawyer must know what Juliet wanted to tell him. Miles doesn't think he can tap into her spirit or whatever he does, but he manages to, and the special effects indicate he's not faking his success. When he tells Sawyer, "It worked," Sawyer's all Who's-On-First -- what did Juliet want to tell me? Miles clarifies. Juliet wanted to tell Sawyer, "It worked!" Dun!
The gang gets to the Temple through the hole under the outer wall and a good bit of action that I'll hit in the full recap. The Temple-Others are led by a Japanese man and his lieutenant-translator, who looks like Horace Lite. These new Others are all set to have our old friends killed until Hurley tells them Jacob sent them, and offers up the guitar case Jacob gave him, as proof. In it is a wooden ankh. The Japanese man breaks it open, much to Hurley's horror, and finds a note (from Jacob, I guess), which lieutenant-translator later says contains a warning that they'd best not let anything happen to Sayid. These new Others bring Sayid and crew into the Temple proper, but the healing spring water is not clear. The Japanese man tests the spring's healing property on a self-induced cut and it doesn't work, but Jack says they have to try to save Sayid (who -- shouldn't he be more bloody?) so they take him in the spring-fed pool and DROWN HIM! Die, new Others. Die. Die. Jack tries to resuscitate Sayid to no avail, and is feeling like a bigger failure/murderer than he did even when Juliet croaked, when Sawyer and Miles are dragged in by the new Others, just to rub salt in Jack's wound. Sawyer gets a head injury. Kate tends to him. Jack emos over that, and also refuses to cooperate with the new Others. At some point in there, Hurley reveals that Jacob is dead, too. Anyhow, just when Jack is just about to fight the New Others to the death, Hurley (who has been quite the leader, tonight) calls him off. Everyone turns to see that SAYID IS ALIVE. AGAIN. OR LOOKS LIKE IT. Bad Robot, indeed. I'm starting on the recaps now and will get them out as soon as possible, so keep your eye on the home page. In the meantime, when you get in a cab at LA X, lock the doors; you never know who'll try to hijack your ride.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! As I noted in the recaplet for this episode, "where were we" is the epitome of a loaded question, and yet... There are (at least) two realities, now. One is taking place in L.A. in 2004. In the recaplet, I assumed the second reality exists because the Jack Daniels plan worked; when Juliet banged on Jughead with the rock, the bomb detonated, and the island and all its inhabitants from 1977 sank to the bottom of the sea. Except wait. I've had more wine time to think and Darlton hasn't yet endorsed that theory, so what else could it be?Well, here's another thought. In Sci-Fi (not SyFy; yeah, I'm looking at you), what causes one reality to split into two or more? A paradox. Where's the real paradox here? It's not so much the bomb. It's the man behind it -- that is -- Daniel Faraday. The last time we saw 1977 on the island, Daniel was a full-grown man from 2004, who had ended up on the island, flashing to all different periods of time, including 1977. And in 1977, he met up with his own mother, who was pregnant with fetus-him. And? His own mother, who was pregnant with fetus-him, then shot adult-him and killed adult-him. If Juliet's bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang set off the Jughead, the detonation should have killed all our Losties, and probably all the 1977 Dharma folks and the 1977 Others -- including Daniel's parents -- (the pregnant) Eloise Hawking, and Charles Widmore. As near as I can reckon, last season, when Jack, Kate, et al were first transported to 1977, there was only one timeline, and they had just jumped back in it. So, if you're in timeline A and you put a plan into motion that was dreamt up by Daniel Faraday in the year 2004 of that timeline, and explained to you in 1977 (which is when you carried it out), but the guy who dreamt up the plan was not only killed in 1977, his existence was wiped out (because his mother had not yet borne him), then how could the plan happen at all, if Daniel never existed to suss it out. Maybe I should shut up, but do you see where I'm going with this? If you do, can you send me a clearly marked roadmap, because I have no freaking clue and my nose starts bleeding when I think too long and hard about it, so let's move onto the recap. Ready? Okay!
Daylight; Island Reality; Jungle: The gang unloads Sayid from the van. When Hurley grabs the guitar case, Miles teases, "Are you gonna sing "Kumbaya" on the way?" Hurley says it's not a guitar, but won't say any more. As Sawyer unloads shovels from the back of the van, he tells Kate he's not going with the group; he's going to bury Juliet. Kate asks to accompany him and help out, but Sawyer tells her to help with Sayid. Then he turns to Miles and asks him to assist. Ooooh, burn. Kate tells Sawyer and Miles she'll leave a trail so they can follow. Sawyer turns slowly toward her. "I ain't following nobody, Kate." Jack is giving water to a nearly unconscious Sayid, when Hurley asks if they're ready. Jack says, "Whenever you are," and then looks to see Sawyer struggling under the weight of Juliet's body. Once he and Miles are gone, the group lifts Sayid on his stretcher and heads off toward the temple. We cut to...
L.A. Reality: This is the same as the "Plane Reality" except they're not on the plane any more, and I like to be specific. So -- anyhow, Jack gets paged to the nearest courtesy desk. When he arrives, the nervous desk clerk informs him that they've lost Christian Shephard's coffin -- and he uses the word coffin, which, you know, is a perfectly fine word, but people usually use casket in professional sorts of situations, so it caught my attention. Also? Ahahahahahaha. Jack cannot catch a break, can he? The clerk says the coffin was never put on the plane. Jack tells him the funeral is in two hours and wants to know when it will arrive. The clerk doesn't know, "because we're not exactly sure where it is." Nice.
Island Reality; Jungle: The gang reaches the outer walls of the Temple complex. Hurley notes how big it is, and Jack wonders how they'll get Sayid over the top. Hurley somehow knows enough to stroll right over to the hole in which Montand got his arm chewed off (or his body, perspective dependent). "We're not; we're bringing him in through here." They climb down into the hole, and find Montand's one armed skeleton, and a book, Fear and Trembling, by Søren Kierkegaard (written under the name Johannes de Silentio, i.e. John the Silent).
Kate is not compelled to wait any respectable amount of time before rifling through Montand's backpack and whatnot. She finds matches and grabs and lights a nearby torch, while Hurley asks questions: "Who brings a book into a cave? Why is his arm missing?" Jin answers the second. "It was ripped off when he was attacked by the black smoke." They soon start on their way and have to negotiate around a big pit in the floor. Tiny little Kate makes it by easily, but Hurley has to be a bit more careful, as do Jack and Jin, who are carrying Sayid on his stretcher. When they reach the other side, Kate goes ahead, even though her torch is their only decent source of light beside Hurley's flashlight, so her going ahead is just dumb and selfish. YES! They really are back. When he can no longer see Kate, Jack grabs Hurley's flashlight and rushes ahead, leaving Hurley, Jin and the dying man to stumble around in the dark. Oh, Jack. He runs through the hallways in this underground fortress calling her name. Hurley (I think) calls out for Jack, but then there's a smacking sound and unintelligible yelling. Jack yells, "Hurley" and rushes back. Someone calls Jack's name. Jack finds himself at a crossroads of sorts, so he stops to suss out which way he should go. In the background, a figure sneaks by him. Jack whips around, but before we know it, he's grabbed by someone from behind. Someone (else?) punches him in the face. Somewhere, Sawyer thinks, "That's my job." The screen goes black, but then...
We fade right back in on a semi-conscious Jack being dragged outside by a guy in a red turban and brown tunic and another brown tunic guy. They and all the forthcoming new others will be referred to as "Templars," because they are at the temple, and I saw "Templars" used on our forums (thanks, y'all) and it works, okay? I can't even describe the Templars'...fashion sense. It's Ren Faire meets Woodstock meeting pre-war European peasant. The Templars push Jack toward Kate, Hurley, Jin, and poor still-dying Sayid, who are already outside, surrounded by a bunch of other Templars. Soon, they pause at the edge of a small pond to take in the sight before them. Hurley finally says, "Guess we found the temple."Commercial.
L.A. Reality: At customs, when the agent asks him if he has anything to declare, Mars says, "Just a murderer." Soon, they're on their way. Katie has to go to the bathroom, and although at first, Mars tells her to hold it, she turns her pretty lady act on him. "Edward, please." He takes her right into the ladies room, and after ensuring it's empty, he lets her shut the stall door. That's right. He wouldn't let her use utensils to eat her lasagna, but he lets her shut the stall door. Kate takes a pen (JACK'S) out of her pocket, and unscrews it. The spring inside falls to the floor. Kate only lets this stop her for a second, though. She then goes about trying to pick the lock on her shackles. Edward rinses his face in the sink and then turns back to the stall. When he steps on the spring, he bends down to pick it up. Immediately, he tells Kate that her time is up. She's still picking away at the lock, so she tells him she's not finished and needs a minute. Finally, he leans up against the door: "Austen, I swear to God -- you don't open this door -- I'm coming in..." Kate kicks the stall door right into his face. She then knees him in the groin, grabs his head, and bounces it off the counter. He falls to the floor unconscious. She strips his jacket off him and covers her cuffs with it as two other women enter the rest room. Kate makes like she was just attacked by a random stranger and is terribly frazzled. "I just have to get out of here." She takes off, but the two women are right behind her and head off to security to report the fearsome attacker in the ladies lounge. Why Kate didn't grab the handcuff keys, I'll never know. It is interesting though, that she didn't give a good damn about the Halliburton case, when that (and the toy airplane inside) was all she could think about, back in the day.
As the ladies report the attacker, Kate tries to make a break for it. She runs for an elevator that's just about closed. "Wait, hold the door!" The occupant opens the doors back up. It's Sawyer, who smarms, "Welcome aboard." Kate says nothing, so he adds, "We were on the same flight -- Sydney." Kate's not impressed. Sawyer looks at her sideways and spots her cuffs. He pretends he doesn't see as the elevator stops at another floor to let on two security agents. They get a call over their walkies to get their "asses" to the international baggage claim, for a "341." Sawyer asks what a 341 is. One of the agents tells him that's confidential. Sawyer snarks, "If it's confidential, how am I supposed to know if I see one?" When the elevator doors open, the agents start to get off, but Sawyer holds them back. "Excuse me. Ladies first." Kate slinks by him and looks him straight in the eye with a knowing grin. "Thanks." Sawyer returns the sentiment in look and tone. "Take care." We cut to...
Island Reality; Jungle: Sawyer and Miles fill in Juliet's grave. When they're done, Sawyer asks Miles to tell him what Juliet wanted to say before she died. Is it me, or does Miles seem a little...hurt? "That's why you asked me to stay here with you?" When Sawyer points out that Miles is the only one around who talks to dead people (he mustn't know about Hurley) Miles tells him that's not how it works, so Sawyer gets rough. He tackles Miles and pushes him face down into the dirt. Miles and I would be angry with him, except he's so obviously broken. Miles agrees to do his best. He lifts himself up into a kneeling position and tries to hone in on Juliet's spirit (or whatever it is he does). The camera and sound guys work overtime to show us that SOMETHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING HERE. When everything settles down, Miles says, "It worked." Sawyer says, "Well, what did she want?" Miles looks at him. "That's what she wanted to tell you: it worked." Sawyer tries to take this in. He gets back on his feet and finally stammers out, "What worked?" Sawyer stalks off before Miles answers, which is just as well, because Miles doesn't have an answer. We cut to...
Temple: The Templars march our peeps right up to the temple building. Out comes some more Templars, including a Horace-lite character (per imdb.com he's Lennon; John Hawkes) and a Japanese man (per imdb.com he's Dogen; Hiroyuki Sanada). Their names aren't given on screen, but we'll be calling them Lennon (who wears John Lennon-esque wire-frame specs) and Yoko (who is Mr. Bossypants). Thanks to reader Gary for the Yoko inspiration. Now, to simplify things -- Yoko does all the talking, but he talks in Japanese. There's no subtitles when he speaks, but Lennon translates everything. So when you see me write, "Lennon translates," assume he's translating something Yoko just said.
Lennon translates: "Who are you." Cindy steps forward and says she knows who they are. "They were on the first plane -- Oceanic 815, along with me." So, between her "first plane" remark (Ajira 316 being the second) and Jacob's comment to Hurley that he died an hour befo
re their conversation, I think it's safe to assume that the year is 2007 in the Island Reality. Yoko says something. Lennon looks to him and asks, "You sure?" Yoko turns his back. Lennon nods to the Templars. "Shoot 'em." They take aim. Everyone starts yelling things like, "Wait," and "No," like you do when a bunch of Ren Faire Hippies are going to shoot you. Finally, Hurley puts on his thinking cap. "JACOB SENT US." Lennon translates: "What did you just say?" Hurley repeats himself and adds, "He said you would help our friend." Lennon translates: "Prove it." Hurley hems and haws. Yoko says something. Hurley yells and points. "HE GAVE ME THAT GUITAR CASE!" A Templar lays it at Yoko's feet. Lennon translates: "Did you look inside it?" Hurley shifts his eyes. "Maybe?" Yoko opens the case and finds a big, wooden...ankh. Now, I totally want an ankh-shaped guitar. Yoko lifts up the ankh, inspects it, and raises both it, and a knee. Hurley shouts out, "DUDE!" but he's too late. Crack. Yoko breaks the ankh over his knee. He reaches inside the shaft and pulls out a note and reads. Lennon translates: "What are your names?" "Hugo. Hugo Reyes." He nods at his companions. "Tell him." In turn, each character says his/her name. Lennon points at Sayid and translates: "What about him." Jack answers, "Sayid Jarrah." Yoko says something else and stalks off toward the temple. Lennon tells the Templars to pick up Sayid and get him to the spring. It's then that Hurley comes to life. "Hey. Excuse me. I carried that case across the ocean, and like...through time. I wanna know what that paper says." While Yoko stops in the temple doorway, Lennon walks back to Hurley. "The paper said that if your friend there dies, we're all in a lot of trouble." He scurries back to Yoko's side and we cut to commercial.
L.A. Reality: A customs agent opens the jewelry box which contains the watch Jin is to deliver for Mr. Paik, except it doesn't; that's a different watch, right? Did the little button enforcement officer switch watches? Jin can't answer any of the custom official's questions, which isn't really a problem until he starts searching Jin's bag and comes across a metric assload of cash. He tells Jin, who doesn't speak English, that anything over ten thousand dollars must be declared. When Jin can't answer, he holds up Jin's declaration form and speaks slowly as if that's the key to language translation. Jin still can't answer on account of not learning English in the last 15 seconds. In Korean, Sun asks him what he's doing with the cash, but he snarls at her to let him handle everything. Customs hauls Jin in for questioning, which, you know, Jin isn't going to understand. The female officer approaches Sun to escort her to the waiting area. "Ms. Paik [Editor's Note: Not Mrs. Kwon -- Mindy], do you understand any English?" I think she does, but who knows in this reality? Her expression could be one of, "I'm going to keep playing dumb until the Buttoneer is off my trail," or it could be, "No English." The customs officer tells Sun that if she can speak in Jin's defense and if this is all a mistake, she should speak up now. "Do you understand me?" Sun says, "No..." A beat. "...English." Her pants BURST into flames. Okay, I realize she may not speak English in this reality, but that smells like a lie to me.
Island Reality; Temple: Lennon, Yoko and the Templars carry Sayid and lead the rest of the Losties through the island temple's rough equivalent of the Court of the Gentiles. When they enter the temple proper, Lennon and Yoko eye the spring-fed pool with alarm, and Lennon notes the water isn't clear. "What happened?" Clearly, that pollution is all that's left of Ben Linus's innocence, my dears. Well, that's my theory, anyhow. Yoko's answer is in Japanese, and a mystery to us. Honestly, the pool looks like it's full of tea that steeped too long, and that's me being considerate of your tummies. Yoko descends the staircase that leads into the pool and stops just above the water line. There, he draws out his knife and drags it across the palm of his hand -- slicing it open. At first, I thought his magical blood was going to cleanse the pool or something -- but when he dips his hand in, nothing happens. And that's the point. Nothing happens to his hand, either -- including no healing. It looks like the spring has suddenly lost its healing abilities. Lennon translates that Yoko wants to know who "did this" to Sayid. Jack says that although he didn't shoot Sayid, it's his fault. No, Jack. It's Roger Linus's fault. Yoko approaches Jack. Lennon translates to Jack that it's a risk to put Sayid into the spring. Jack tells them to do what they have to do. Kate and Jin are incredulous, but Jack is back to being one cool customer, like he was shortly after Ajira 316 dumped his ass back in 1977. I like.
The Templars strip the Dharma coveralls off Sayid. His tank top is pulled down over his gut wound which just seems weird to me. There are stains on his shirt and pants, but shouldn't he be bloodier? No matter. Now they're submerging Sayid. Hurley asks Jack if unconscious people can hold their breath. Jack tells him, "no" and then Sayid starts to struggle. Jack tries to call them off. Kate tries to call them off. Sayid kicks and bucks for his very life. Nobody lets him up. Yoko considers the Days Of Our Lives-ish hourglass that he turned over at the start of this drowning exercise and says nothing. Finally, Jack closes in on Yoko, yelling, "Hey, let him up!" Yoko karate-chops him in the throat; Jack falls to the floor. Like sands through the hour glass, so is the death of Sayid.
Hurley tries to call them off. Sayid struggles and struggles...until he can struggle no more. The hour glass completes its course. The Templars remove Sayid from the pool. With his arms still outstretched, Sayid is the Christ-figure. They lay him down on a rug, and his arms lie back at his side. Yoko examines him and is, perhaps, the only one in the room surprised to find he draws no breath. Lennon translates: "Your friend is dead." Jack (who doesn't seem to be crying, yet), Kate, Jin and Hurley look on, heartbroken, but Jack decides to try something -- anything. He kneels down beside Sayid, and wearing an expression that looks like he's about to orgasm (or vomit; note to self: don't sex up Jack), he administers CPR to Sayid, but it does nothing. Finally, Kate talks him down. Jack sinks down into his kneel, and... is he playing with Sayid's nipple? No matter -- that doesn't rouse him, either. Commercial.L.A. Reality: At the baggage carousel, we catch a quick glimpse of Sayid mooning over Nadia's picture. Arzt comes up and eyes him suspiciously because he's an Iraqi, but Sayid's bags have come 'round, so he grabs them and takes off. Kate darts in and out of the crowd. She spies an airline employee entering through a "No Entry -- Authorized Personnel Only" doorway. She memorizes the code the employee enters on the keypad, and while watching the cops and security agents out of the corner of her eye, Kate does the same. She makes it through the airport and out to the pick-up area. When she heads for a waiting cab, who should stop her but Frogurt. "I don't think so, lady. There's a line." We can tell Kate's still redeemable, because she refrains from pointing out to him that he will never, ever get laid.
Kate spies Hurley talking on his cell phone and kind of hides behind him as she keeps an eye open for cabs. Hurley's having a magnate-type conversation about how "they" can't own the word Outback which is pretty funny; he also mentions not getting the Tustin inventory, yet. From her hiding spot, Kate looks around and sees Edward Mars giving orders to various types of officers. She looks the other way, but then looks back, just as Mars turns his head in her direction. Their eyes meet for a second, but then Kate runs and darts through the crowd as Mars yells, "HEY!" She finds a cab and ju
mps in. "Go now." The cabbie protests. He already has a customer. Kate whips out Mars' gun and aims it at the driver. "I said go." The customer chimes in. It's CLAIRE! We only see her from the neck up, so we don't know if Aaron is in her belly and therefore with his two mommies or not. Claire stares at the gun. "What are you doing?" Kate screams at the driver: "Go now." The cab peels out of the airport, as Mars runs after it. We cut to...
Island Reality; Temple: Cindy leads Zach and Emma into the temple and asks the Losties if they'd like something to eat or drink. She instructs the children to bring the refreshments around. It's all part of the island's Flight Attendant Training Program. What? Jack and Kate look up when they hear someone approaching from outside. It's more Templars. Two drag in an unconscious Sawyer. Another kicks Miles through the doorway. All the Losties rush to him. Miles says the Templars jumped them in the jungle. Sawyer took out four of them, before they took a rock to his head. Kate crouches down to examine Sawyer's head injury. Jack emos -- but not for long. Lennon comes in and summons Hurley to meet with him and Yoko. In a back room, Lennon translates -- saying Yoko wants to know what Jacob told him. Hurley answers that Jacob wanted them to come to the temple. "He said that you guys would save Sayid." Lennon translates: "He was beyond saving." It's then that Hurley realizes that Lennon doesn't translate any of the English back to Yoko. When he calls them on it, Yoko replies, "I don't like the way English tastes on my tongue." Well, bully for you. I'm glad I'm calling you Yoko, now. Yoko and Lennon want to know if and when Jacob is coming to the temple. Hurley raises an eyebrow. "I really don't think that's going to happen, man." Yoko looks at Lennon. Lennon looks at Hurley who adds, "You know...'cause he's dead." They stare at Hurley, who says, "What? You guys didn't know?" In the distance, we can hear a bell ring as we cut to...
Pool area: The clanging of the bell is closer now, and there's hubbub all around. Yoko and Lennon go outside and bark orders at the Templars, who start pouring ash around the borders, putting out fires, and shooting off fireworks into the daytime sky. Hurley observes all this and says to Lennon, "I guess we're not getting out of here, huh?" Lennon says this isn't to keep the Losties in. "It's to keep him out." Hurley asks, "Him...who?" and we cut to...
Four-Toes Base: Ben asks Faux-Locke what he is. Faux-Locke says, "I'm not a what, Ben, I'm a who." Ben says he's a monster, which is the pot calling the kettle, isn't it? Faux-Locke says, "Let's not resort to name calling." He pulls the stake out of Bram and drags his body over to the bodies of the other goonies. Ben is incensed because Faux-Locke "used" him. Faux-Locke contends that he didn't make Ben do anything. "You should know, he was very confused when you killed him." Ben looks at him in disbelief. "I seriously doubt that Jacob was ever confused." Faux-Locke isn't talking about Jacob. "I'm talking about John Locke. Do you want to know what he was thinking while you choked the life out of him, Benjamin -- what the last thought that ran through his head was?" A beat. "I don't understand." Faux-Locke thinks that's the saddest thing he ever heard but says it's fitting, considering what a sad victim Locke was when he first came to the island. "He was weak, pathetic, and irreparably broken. But despite all of that, there was something admirable about him. He was the only one of them who didn't want to leave -- the only one who realized how pitiful the life he left behind actually was." When Faux-Locke sits back with a satisfied smile, Ben asks him what he wants. Faux-Locke says that's the great irony, here. "I want the one thing that John Locke didn't. I want to go...home." And holy crap, is that the scariest face anyone has made on this island in the past five and a half years? That sucker's going to give me nightmares. Commercial.
Island Reality: Hurley leans over Sayid's body and whispers: "Goodbye, dude. If you ever want to talk -- I'm around." Miles is sitting on the other side of Sayid, just staring and shaking his head. When Hurley asks him, "What?" Miles shakes his head again and says, "Nothing." Across the way, Kate mops Sawyer's brow in the way the Losties do, that never, ever seems to wipe anything off of them. Sawyer blinks awake and asks, "Where are we?" Kate says they're in a temple. Sawyer says, "We got caught by the Others, again." Kate says, "Yeah, only this time, they're protecting us, I think." Sawyer groans as he sits up. Kate looks at him. "I'm so sorry." Across the way, Jack sits alone with his guilt. Kate explains to Sawyer that Jack is just trying to help everyone. Sawyer says, "I ain't gonna kill Jack. He deserves to suffer on this rock, just like the rest of us." Yeah, because he's a murderer like you and Kate and...oh, wait!
L.A. Reality: Jack's on the phone explaining to his mother that his father's corpse has gone missing. Sheesh. Talk about family drama. You know, the anniversary of my dad's death was this week. A few weeks after he passed, my mother and I went to visit the grave and see if the headstone was on, yet. It was, but it was someone else's stone. Now, dad's lot was very easy to find, so we knew we didn't mess up the location. The fricking cemetery or stone carver or some combination of the two screwed it up. It was so disturbing. It was disturbing to the point where I felt like a fool for being as disturbed as I was, and yet...I still was, and remained that way until the other person's stone was moved to the right lot and dad's stone was delivered and installed. I...I just can't even imagine being in Jack's shoes, here. "Hi, we lost your father's body." What do you say to that? "Oh, okay. Where's my other luggage?" I mean, how do you not take a nutty right there and then? Granted, taking a nutty isn't going to help anything, and the poor clerk on this end didn't do the losing, but I still don't know how you avoid taking one. I'm not a very good grown-up, I fear. ANYhow, Jack tells his mom he scheduled the service so soon because he wanted to get it over with. He doesn't know what else to tell her, except that they can't have the service without his father. You can, Jack. It's called a memorial. Jack ends his call and puts away his phone with a sigh. From behind him, we hear Locke's voice. "What did you lose?" After the expected, "You wouldn't believe it if I told you," shenanigans, Jack explains the tale of the lost Christian father.
Locke offers his condolences and Jack says that although the coffin was supposed to be loaded onto the plane in Sydney, it wasn't. "Apparently he's somewhere 'in transit' which is their way of saying they have no idea where the hell he is." Locke, as socially awkward as ever, says, "Well, how could they know?" Jack boggles at this, so Locke explains himself. "No, I'm not talking about the coffin. I mean -- how could they know where he is? They didn't lose your father, they just lost his body." Jack jumps across the room and chokes Locke dead. Oh wait, that was just my imagination. Jack actually takes this inappropriate conversation in the spirit in which it was intended. The touching music starts up again as Jack nods and Locke flashes him a warm grin. Is he crying yet? His cheeks look shiny, but I can't see actual tears. Jack, how will we know for sure it's you if you don't cry? Locke says, "Either way, your story beats the hell out of mine. All that was in my suitcase was a bunch of knives." Jack asks if Locke's some kind of salesman. Locke says, "Yeah, something like that." Willy Loman rolls his eyes. The men wish each other luck, but as Locke starts to wheel his way out of the claims office, Jack asks him what happened to put him in the chair. "I'm sorry. I'm only asking because I'm a spinal surgeon -- I didn't mean to..." Suck? Locke doesn't mind sharing. "Uh, surgery isn'
t going to do anything to help me. You know, my condition is irreversible." Jack shakes his head. "Nothing is irreversible." He rises to his feet and gives his business card to Locke and tells him to call him for a consultation, on the house. The two men -- men of science; men of faith -- introduce themselves, shake hands and part with a fond smile.
Four-Toes Beach: Richard spots the temple fireworks in the blue sky, before anyone else. While they're all looking up at the sky in wonder, Faux-Locke exits the statue base. Ilana and her remaining goons cock their guns, but Richard screams at them not to shoot. As Faux-Locke passes Frank and Sun, Frank says, "I'm seeing it, but I'm still not believing." Faux-Locke greets Richard and says, "It's good to see you out of those chains." Some people have taken this to mean that Richard too was a slave on the Black Rock. I suppose that's possible, but right now, I think it's unlikely. Faux-Locke's whole big spiel to the Goonies was that they were free now that Jacob was dead. I think that's Faux-Locke's way of telling Richard that Jacob is dead and I think Jacob knows it. Jacob's eyes widen in horror. "You?" Faux-Locke says, "Me," and hits Richard in the throat, then knees him in the head. He falls on the sand, unconscious. Faux-Locke looks from Ben to Ilana, to Frank and Sun, and the whole group. He waggles his finger at them. "I'm very disappointed...in all of you." I break into laughter, but I think I'm just punch-drunk. Faux-Locke and Ben exchange an opaque look, and then Faux-Locke bends down and lifts up Richard. He hoists him over his right shoulder, and picks up his (F-L's) backpack with his left hand and starts off down the beach, passing right by John Locke's corpse. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh dun.
Temple: Sayid's body lays in repose on the woven rug. Lennon and two Templars (one in a turban, the other in a headband) approach Jack. Lennon asks if he's Shephard and says, "We need to speak to you, privately." Jack tells him to say whatever he needs to, there. Lennon says that while he's asking politely, he's not above having Jack dragged off. Jack hits his breaking point. He still doesn't cry though. Instead, he fights back. He starts with Headband, and then Turban joins in the fun. But soon Lennon and Hurley's eyes leave that action. Hurley yells, "Jack!" Lennon says, "Oh my God." When Jack looks to his left, he sees it too. It is Sayid, and he's sitting up. He blinks and looks at Jack. "What happened?" Fade to black. Bad robot.
Well, I tried to offer most of my commentary throughout the recap so it wouldn't matter if I punked out at the end, because I'm always so tired by the end -- and oh so ready to punk out -- like now, for instance. So, I'll just say one thing. One popular theory floating around is that Jacob has come to inhabit Sayid's body. I'm not sure that's what's going on. It almost seems too obvious. Of course I may just have PTSD. This show has me shell-shocked (in a good way), lost (in a good way) and confused (in a good way) and not so ready to predict its steps, right here and now. I'll catch you after this week's episode: "What Kate Does" in which Kate's on the run and Jack may be endangering someone's life. How did they ever come up with that totally new twist?
Come on over to the forum and wait it out with us, and remember, when you get in a cab at LAX, lock the doors; you never know who'll try to hijack your ride.
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In some realities, Cindy McLennan is quite dead of a bad robot attack. In others, you can e-mail her at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com, or follow her on Twitter.