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Welcome back everyone, to the first hour of the season premiere of the final season of Lost -- Darlton's final stab at remotely lobotomizing millions of people, each week. I've just watched "LA X, Part I" and I'm writing up this recaplet before I watch "LA X, Part II," so it will all be fresh in my mind; I'm sitting right in front of the wall onto which said mind landed with a splat, so maybe something useful will drip back down into the crater that was once my skull. You ready? Okay!
Jack's on a plane -- not just any plane -- Oceanic flight 815 from Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles, California. He's got the window seat, but the aisle seat is empty, so he talks to his nice row-mate (Rose!) whose husband (Bernard!) is in the loo. The flight attendant (Cindy!) stiffens his drink for him. Rose is (this time) as cool as a cucumber, but Jack gets awfully tense when they hit some turbulence. The plane shakes, rattles and damn near rolls and then... everything is okay! WTF? Don't tell me it worked. Bernard returns to his seat to his wife. Jack decides he'll take advantage of the plane's lavatory too. While in it, he notices a bloody mark on his neck and seems so bothered by it, he forgets to change his undies. When he returns to his seat, Desmond is sitting in the previously empty aisle seat, brutha. Jack asks if they know one another. Desmond isn't sure, so he introduces himself and they exchange pleasantries. Jack seems disconcerted by the meeting, so he looks out the window, as do we. We see nothing but fluffy white clouds, and then the sound man and camera man start messing with our heads, because we hear the sound of a rapid descent, and we're led down through the clouds, to the ocean, underneath it, past the sunken remains of New Otherton, before stopping in front of the remains of old Four-Toes' foot. And remember, I said sunken remains, so THIS IS ALL UNDER THE WATER. Dun, dun, dun. DUN! Black screen. Title card. Brain shoots out through back of head.
, we're treated to a review of the finale moments in last season's finale, "The Incident." The crew tries to save Juliet from the big hole o' magnetism. They can't. Sawyer cries. She cries. They love each other. She bangs the dud hydrogen bomb with a rock. FLASH! White screen.
Nighttime: Kate wakes up in a tree. Her hearing is shot, as if, perhaps, she was deafened by a hydrogen bomb. She climbs down from the tree and finds Miles Straume, who is also hard of hearing. They find Jack lying in the jungle, even though he's on the plane with Bernard and Rose, or possibly under the water with Four Toes' foot. They see a gaping pit in the ground. But it's not from Juliet detonating the bomb. It's from when Des blew up the Swan hatch, which means -- they think -- that the bomb didn't go KABOOM, but does it? they run into Sawyer, who kicks Jack in the head and down into the Swan hatch pit, and screams down after Jack that Juliet's dead because he was wrong. Oh yeah, baby. Lost is back. Or nearly so. I don't think Jack's cried yet.
For the rest of the hour, we bounce back and forth between the alternate-reality plane trip (daytime) on September 22, 2004; and nighttime on the island, on whatever post-hatch-explosion date they've landed. They all flashed to wherever and whenever they are now. And? Juliet's not dead. She's in the lower levels of the hatch pit, covered with hatch debris (from when Des made the hatch go splodey). The rest of the time on the island involves the group's efforts (the full group is Jack, Kate, Miles, Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Hurley, and Sayid) to free Juliet from the Hatch ruins. Okay, Hurley's not helping. He's tending to Sayid who is not helping, because he's still dying from the wounds he got last season. I should mention Hurley is also taking instructions from Jacob, who looks pretty alive, but says he is dead and that Hurley is the only one of them who can see him. Jacob says to get Sayid and the others to the Temple. Sayid will be saved and they'll all be safe if they do.
We also take a trip to the foot of the statue. Inside, Esau's still wearing his Locke Meatsuit, so I'm calling him Faux-Locke for clarity. Faux-Locke snatches a post-homicidal Ben back from the brink of catatonia and tells him to bring him Richard. Ben goes outside, neglects to mention that HE KILLED JACOB, and tells Richard that Locke wants to see him inside. Richard finds that curious, given how Locke's frigging corpse is lying on the sand. Finally, Ilana's biggest goon (Bram) says he and his crew are going in, but Ben's leading the way. The guys all go in the foot. I don't see Ilana follow, but my brain function is at an all-time low. Faux-Locke tells them Jacob is dead. Bram and crew start shooting at Faux-Locke. Ben takes cover. Faux-Locke disappears. But soon there's a rattle, rattle, rattle which can only mean one thing. SMOKEY! He wafts in and smites all but Ben, and then disappears. Ben crawls out from his hiding place, and while he's surveying the carnage, Faux-Locke reappears and confirms he and SMOKEY are one when he says, "I'm sorry you had to see me like that." Black screen.
Meanwhile, back at the pit, the gang uses the Dharma Blue VW Bus to drag some debris off of the top of the hatch pit, and poor Juliet, who is buried somewhere beneath. Sawyer climbs down to free her. He finally gets the beams and bikes and whatever else off her and holds her in his arms as he tells her not to worry. She non-sequiturs: "We should get coffee sometime." Sawyer's no Doc, but even he knows that can't be good, so he groans that he's got to get her out of there. She adds, "We can do Dutch." He tries to break through her fog. Finally, Juliet says his name. She asks him to kiss her. He does, and then she says, "I have to tell you something. It's really, really important."
JAMES: "You tell me. Tell me."
JULIET: *dies*
I'm sorry to make light, I love her, and I love them together, but that scene just hit my funny bone. It's like commentary on our relationship with Damon and Carlton, don't you think? Anyhow, James carries Juliet's body out of the very bottom of the pit, to the upper level, where the rest of the gang can see him. Everyone's broken hearted that she's gone. Sawyer shoots bullets at Jack with his eyes. "You did this."
Meanwhile, the plan lands safely in L.A. and everyone disembarks and starts on their own ways. And you know, a lot happened on that plane, but this is a recaplet, dammit. Jack saved Charlie from killing himself, and then Charlie got arrested. Locke got to know Damon Salvatore; Hurley declared himself the luckiest man alive, and Desmond disappeared. I'll cover all that and much, much more in the full recap, but right now, I've got to go watch "LA X, Part II." I'll see you soon.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Hey, everybody -- welcome back! Can you believe it? The wait between seasons felt nearly as endless as the mysteries posed by what has to be one of the most batshit insane television programs we'll ever see. Now we're not only back, but we're on the home-stretch. No other series has ever made me feel that it has both dragged on so long, and rushed by so quickly. Since I've always experienced two realities when it comes to Lost, it feels fitting to me that these dual realities are now canon, but I'm getting ahead of myself so let's get right to it. You ready? Okay.Previously on Lost. Ahahahahahahahah. Right. Wait. You want me to...? Oh, okay, but only because you're so nice. Once upon a time, old Four Toes was part of a larger statue of Tawaret, but that was a long time ago, indeed. More recently (like oh say, the mid-to-late 19th century, just as H.M.S. Black Rock appeared over the horizon), the statue ruins seem to have been serving as base camp for Jacob (Mark Pellegrino: Lucifer on Supernatural), who not only exists, but wears a white tunic, and has a male companion/nemesis, who dresses all in black. I like to call him Esau, because he really hates Jacob. He also seems to hate people in general, kind of like the TWoP moderators. I mean, listen to him: "They come; they fight; they destroy; they corrupt. It always ends the same." Eerily similar, no? Anyhow, Jacob is more of an optimist. "It only ends once. Anything that happens before that is just progress." Even more recently, Faux-Locke (Esau wearing a Locke meatsuit) tells Ben Linus that he (Ben) is going to kill Jacob. When Ben confronts him inside the statue's base, Jacob tells Ben he has a choice. Ben chooses to go all stabby stabby kill kill right in Jacob's chest. Jacob falls to the ground and with his last breath whispers, "They're coming," and then Faux-Locke kicks his dying form right into the fire. Elsewhere, Daniel and Jack formulate what I've come to call "The Jack Daniels" plan: detonate the Jughead hydrogen bomb at the construction site upon which the Swan hatch will be built. The point, and there is one, is to stop the Dharma Initiative from drilling into the ground and tapping into a hot pocket of energy -- the same energy that Desmond et al kept in check by typing the numbers into a computer terminal. Daniel figures if they blow up the pocket before it's ever tapped into, there will be no incident, which means Oceanic 815 will never crash on Craphole Island. But then Daniel is killed by his own mother who is pregnant with him, so Sayid tries to help Jack get the bomb from Dharmaville out to the Swan site. Roger Linus shoots Sayid along the way. After much argument (and Jack/Sawyer fisticuffs), the gang (Dying-Sayid, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Juliet, Hurley, Jin, and Miles) gets the job done. The only problem is, when Jack throws the bomb down the shaft, it doesn't explode. But then Juliet gets dragged down into the shaft by the deadly combination of electro-magnetism and chains, and cannot escape, despite Sawyer's efforts (which mostly consist of crying and yelling) to save her. In the end, she picks up a big rock and smashes the hell out of the bomb and KABOOM, everything fades to white -- even the title card. Dun.
Now: Dr. Jack Shephard is sitting in his window seat aboard what appears to be Oceanic Flight 815 and looking about uneasily, almost as if...he's been here before. It's only when the flight attendant (Cindy Chandler) stops to inquire about his drink that he snaps out of it. When he admits his drink is kind of weak, Cindy gives him a nip-sized bottle of vodka (note: on the original flight, she gave him 2 nips). As Jack adds about half the vodka to his drink, the plane hits some turbulence. Jack fastens his seatbelt and then takes a belt. The two seats to him are empty, but across the aisle, a nice woman (Rose Nadler) notices Jack's unease and reassures him. This is the same conversation the original version of Jack and Rose had, only they've swapped lines! What fresh hell is this? They hit more turbulence -- so violent that bags fly out of the overheads. Oh, I think I see Locke, but the shaky-cam is making me ill, so I won't look too closely. As the turbulence continues, Jack white-knuckles his armrests, but his face looks serene and expectant. And then...then...then it stops. Rose tells him he can let go now. Jack releases his death grip and says, "Looks like we made it." Rose says, "Yeah, we sure did," and Bernard returns to his seat grumbling about picking the wrong time to hit the head and how he almost died thanks to that turbulence. They both say they missed each other and share a smooch. Charmed, Jacks watches them with a smile and then heads to the loo, undoubtedly for his first cry of the night. But no! He doesn't cry at all. Instead, he checks himself out and notices what's either a red bruise or bloody raw spot on his neck. It's clear from his face that he's surprised and/or disturbed to see it. He dabs at it with some tissue and returns to his seat where he finds...
Desmond! Now, Desmond wasn't on the original flight 815, on account of he was too busy *not* saving the world down on the island -- which is what caused 815 to crash on Craphole in the first place. Could it be...did the Jack Daniels plan work? And if it did work, is Desmond still a constant or whatever kind of unique and special snowflake he's always been? I can't start drinking this early. I'll never get through this damned thing. Des says the flight attendant told him he could switch seats, because his seat-mate has been snoring since they left Sydney. He asks Jack if he minds, which he doesn't, and then takes the aisle seat. "Thanks, brother." At that, Jack seems more out of sorts than before, and Des (who at some point in here is reading Salmon Rushdie's Haroun and the Sea of Stories) catches him sneaking sidelong glances at him. Then they make out. Okay, no they don't. I must have drifted off there. Jack asks if they've met before. Desmond isn't sure. They introduce themselves and shake hands. "Nice to meet you, Jack -- or to see you again." Jack laughs but his heart isn't in it. He looks out the window, and...
We see nothing but fluffy white clouds, but then the sound man and camera man start messing with our heads, because we hear rapid descent fx and the camera pans down through the clouds, to the ocean, and then beneath it, past the oddly intact but sunken remains of New Otherton, passing by the Dharma Shark -- Ezra James Sharkington -- before stopping in front of the remains of old Four-Toes' foot. And remember, I said sunken remains, so THIS IS ALL UNDER THE WATER. Dun, dun, dun. DUN! Black screen. Title card.
Now, one thing that's brilliant about this show is that you look like an ass if you nitpick -- because how can you nitpick this insanity? So heehaw and this isn't a nitpick so much as a question blah blah blah donkey-cakes. But...if the original flight 815 was 1,000 miles off course when it crashed, why is this flight from Sydney to L.A. flying over the sunken remains of the island? Or is it not? Or did the sunken remains drift? If the Jughead bomb caused the island to (and possibly drift), how did the buildings, swing-set, fence and all manner of stuff remain intact? I mean, I saw upright, green trees under there, y'all. When Locke moved the island, did he move it through space as well as time, but if so, why didn't season 5 play out under water? If he did move it through space, how was Eloise Hawking's magic
al science doohickey able to predict that Ajira 316 would be flying over it in 2007? How did that thing work, anyhow? I...don't get it. I know. I know. Welcome back to Lost. Right.
And it's back to the future we go. Jack drops the bomb in the shaft. The bomb fails to ignite. Juliet gets dragged into the shaft. Sawyer struggles to save her and they cry and cry. Maybe I do too. WHAT OF IT? Then Juliet falls to the bottom. Sawyer cries some more. Juliet bangs her rock on the Jughead and KABOOM everything fades to white. We get to see this again, even though we just relived it during the Previouslies. Gee, thanks so much, Darlton.
We close in on an eye, but it's not Jack's. Right away, it's clear that it belongs to Kate. She's lying flat on her back and there's something wrong with the sound on my TV. NOT NOW! I curse my ABC affiliate or possibly my cable provider and turn on the closed captioning, which tells me the sound is muffled. I pause the DVR to reverse the curse. Kate rolls over, which is a splendidly bad idea, almost as bad an idea as having cage-sex in front of a security camera, because it turns out she's not on the ground. She's in a damned tree; and almost falls out of it. Her gasps and cries for help are muffled. She finally climbs down from the tree and wanders until Miles finds her. She tackles him before she realizes who he is. He can't hear Kate when she asks what happened and where they are, but then she spies a familiar site through the vines. We know it's the door to the Swan hatch, but Miles doesn't. He asks her what it is. Kate says, "We're back," and runs off. Miles catches up with her when she stops at the hatch-pit. Miles asks if it's the Swan site. It kind of is, but Kate says, "No," because she knows that he means to ask if they're looking at ground zero of the Jughead bomb detonation. She further clarifies: "That's the hatch -- after Desmond blew it up." Whole 'nother explosion -- you dig, Miles? Miles guesses we're not in 1977. I'm guessing he's right. Kate has no time for guessing though, because she spies both her boyfriends lying unconscious on the jungle floor. She sees Sawyer first, but it's to Jack that she runs. 'Shippers, make of that what you will. She rouses him and when he learns they're at the hatch, he says, "They built it?" The thing you know, he's getting kicked in the head by Sawyer and even though I like Jack, I laugh like a loon. He falls off the edge and all the way down into the hatch-pit as Sawyer yells, "YOU WERE WRONG!" Kate scurries down the vines to get Jack. Sawyer follows right after her, yelling all the way. "THAT'S THE DAMN SWAN HATCH. JUST LIKE WE LEFT IT. BLOWN UP -- JUST LIKE WE LEFT IT." I'm not transcribing his whole rant. I can barely listen to it right now. It's too soon. At any rate, he is hurt and angry because Juliet is dead on account of the whole cockamamie Jack Daniels plan that Sawyer never wanted any part of in the first place, but in the end, totally committed to. Jack's voice breaks as he does his best to apologize, but I don't see any tears. Is this yet another new reality, or do I just need HDTV?
Plane Reality: Jack goes to the bathroom again, and I've seen a lot of people making fun of this, but it's a long-ass flight from Sydney to L.A. so I'm cutting him some slack. Outside, he spots Yellow Eyes. Quick Jack, get Dean. He's probably crying into a pillow 'cause he hates to fly, but he hates Yellow Eyes even more. Oh, wrong show. Check. On Lost, Fredric Lehne plays not Azazel, but Marshal Edward Mars (somewhere, Veronica is yelling "No relation!"). Sometimes it's hard to tell Azazel and Mars apart. Mars has taken our girl Kate into custody. Jack asks the Marshal if he's in line, but he says that he's just waiting for a friend. When Katie pushes open the lav door, she stumbles and bumps into Jack. Check your pockets, Doc! He can't hear me. He's so twitterpated at first sight, I don't think he even sees her cuffs. Back in their seats, Mars slides Kate's food tray in front of her, but he takes away her knife and fork. Have fun eating that lasagna, Kate! Kate's less amused than I am. "What am I going to do -- stab you and run?" Mars doesn't like being mocked, or perhaps he's just an ill-tempered yellow-eyed demon in blue contact lenses, but when Sawyer walks by and sort of bumps his arm-rest, he gets all grumpy. "Hey, watch where you're going, buddy." Kate deftly hides her chained hands under her tray before Sawyer turns to look at the rude Marshal Mars, but she might not have moved quickly enough. Sawyer smirks at her and then turns his attention to Edward. "Sorry. My bad." Not even a "son of a bitch"? Oh, this is definitely a different world.
On his way back to his seat, Sawyer passes by Dr. Arzt, who is chatting up Hurley. He wants Hurley to do the Australian accent he does on the commercials for his fast-food empire: Mr. Cluck's Chicken. Arzt is so impressed that such a magnate is flying coach with the yutzes. Arzt asks Hurley how he got to own a major corporation (note that, please -- not just a franchise). Hurley says, "I won the lottery and I like chicken, so I bought it." Sawyer scowls at this, and once Arzt is gone, he cautions Hurley not to be advertising the fact that he won the lottery, because people will try to take advantage of him. Oh, and you think that's a change. Get a load of this: Hurley thanks Sawyer for the advice, but says that won't happen. "Nothing bad ever happens to me. I'm the luckiest guy alive." Is anyone else getting a bloody nose?
Island Reality; Jungle: Hurley's sitting outside the VW Bus, to an ever-so-slowly dying Sayid. When Jin climbs out of the bus, Hurley -- whose hearing must also be affected -- yells, "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" Jin non-answers, "I found a flashlight," so he can't hear either, or this season is going to be way weirder than expected. And hey, did the bus flash forward in time with them, because Jin was in it and Hurley was leaning against it? Does that square with our past experience with time jumps? Oh man, I can't watch every fricking old episode before every fricking new one. Anyhow Hurley shouts to Jin, asking him what just happened and how the sky changed from day to night. Softly, Jin says that they must have moved through time. Hurley asks how he knows. Jin says, "White flash, headache, can't hear -- happened to me before." Hurley, still yelling, wonders what happened to everyone else. Jin says, "I don't know. They took one of the other vans and went up to the worksite. And then...I--" Hurley shushes him, because although he can't hear well enough to realize he's yelling when he talks, he can hear Sawyer yelling from a distance. So can Jin, who takes off and leaves Hurley with Sayid's head in his lap.Hatch-Pit: Jack says the bomb must have gone off. Sawyer scoffs at the idea that they could have survived it, and continues to scream at Jack about how little he knows and how wrong he is. Just then, Jin shows up and tells them that Sayid needs Jack's help. Kate hears something and heads toward the pile of debris in the middle of the pit. Sawyer keeps harping on Jack until Kate shushes him and makes him listen. That's when they hear it -- Juliet's muffled cry for help. She's in the ur-pit of the hatch-pit, covered with all the hatch remains. Kate, Sawyer and Jack rush to dig her out. Miles joins in. We cut to...
VW Bus: Sayid is conscious and coughing up blood. Hurley covers his own mouth. "Oh God, oh God this is gross." Oh how uncomfortable for you Hurley, that Sayid had to get shot. Sheesh. He tells Sayid not to worry, which is the standard incantation people utter when it's totally time to worry. So worry, Sayid does -- specifically about what waits for him in the great beyond. With his history of torture and murder, he's none too optimistic. Hurley tries to get him to stop dwelling, which Sayid does when they hear footsteps approaching. Hurley calls
out Jin's name and gets a gun from the van. He tries to cock it (or whatever one does to guns) but he knows as much about them as I do, so he does the smart thing. He lies. "I'VE GOT A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!" And uh...if any weird stalker-readers have snuck in amongst the usual gentle readers, I'VE GOT A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT, TOO! Hurley wanders off in search of the noise, leaving the slowly-dying-Sayid vulnerable and alone. When Hurley hears rustling behind him, he turns to find Jacob, whom he seems to recognize from their post-jail cab-share in "The Incident." Jacob asks him if he has a minute, which is at least how long it's going to take for Hurley to believe his eyes.
Plane Reality: Sun and Jin sit together. He watches her watching Bernard and Rose actually enjoying one another's company. When she tells Jin they look so happy together, he tells her to button that frigging top button of her already modest beige cardigan. Sadly, this reality's Jin seems like the same prick Sun flew with the first time around.
Elsewhere on the plane, Damon Salvatore is talking to Locke. Pssssst. Locke, listen to me, I don't know how he got on this flight, but whatever you do, don't antagonize him, and don't let him get you alone. Also, don't look him in the eyes. I know it's tempting; look how pretty they are...ahem, but please.... Is Vervain native to Australia? Any chance you snuck some through customs? Damon, pointedly ignoring me, tells Locke not to waste his time reading about water landings. Locke, in what I feel must be a little hero's salute to Captain Chesley Sullenberger, points out that a skilled pilot has a chance of making a safe water landing on a calm sea, and the fuel tanks should keep the plane afloat long enough for everyone to board the life rafts. Damon just looks at Locke. Don't eat him Damon. I know, it's been a long flight and you're likely peckish, but...look, that's Frogurt right between you and John Eat him, instead! I'm pretty sure I know enough likeminded fans to take up a sizable collection if you're so inclined. You know you're going to need some spending money once you get Katherine out of that tomb. Oh good, Locke has impressed Damon -- who says he was in Australia to get his sister out of a bad relationship that it turns out she didn't want to leave. Sister? Wait, as far as I know, you only have a brother -- Stefan. What is this? Oh my word. Is that supposed to be Boone? But...how can it be? I don't want to smack him silly, or see him die. I just don't want him to eat Locke, who is busy telling Da Boone that he just went on a walk-about and all that entails. Is this new reality that different? Nah, he's totally lying. Even Boone can sense such things in this new reality. "You're not pulling my leg, are you?" Is that a flicker of recognition in Locke's eyes? Yeeouch. Well, whether or not it is, it seems Boone does not remember history and may well be doomed to repeat it. "If this thing goes down, I'm sticking with you." Oh Boone, I like you so much now that you're Damon Salvatore (who is an Evil Pixie Monster -- but a likable one). If the plane goes down again, stick with anyone but him. (Go Sayid. Choose Sayid.)
Island Reality; Four-Toes Beach: Faux-Locke picks up the knife Ben used to kill Jacob. He wipes it on his pant-leg and then crosses over to a homespun rug, cuts off a square and wipes off the knife some more. This brings to mind the tapestry scrap Ilana found in the cabin, last season but I can't go back now, to see if they're the same. I think I read somewhere though that the scrapestry that Ilana found had an image of Tawaret on it. Does that ring a bell? I, the recapper without HDTV, don't see anything like that on this rug. Meanwhile, Ben stares at the fire pit, as if he's in danger of falling into a catatonic state. Or perhaps he's just doing his best impression of the audience. As far as I can tell, Jacob's corpse isn't in it -- but again, I need HDTV. When Faux-Locke tells him, "Jacob's gone," we both snap out of it. Ben wants to know why Jacob didn't put up a fight. Faux-Locke figures Jacob knew he was beaten. He orders Ben to go outside and tell Richard that he needs to talk to him. Ben wants to know why, but Faux-Locke tells him that's between him and Richard.
Outside, Sun asks Frank who Ilana, Bram and crew are. Frank gives her his brief and violent history with them, then adds, "They said they're the good guys." He looks at Sun and then, "I'm not buying it, either." Meanwhile, Richard is trying to keep Ilana and her crew from entering the statue -- by saying that no one gets inside without an invite from Jacob. Ilana tells him they're on Craphole at Jacob's invitation. That's not good enough for Richard, but the conversation is cut short by Ben, doing Faux-Locke's bidding. When he insists John wants to talk to Richard, Richard drags him over to Locke's corpse, throws Ben on the sand in front of it and says, basically, you first. Ben's eyes get even bigger...if you can imagine.
Hatch-Pit: Everyone tries to free Juliet, but there's a big beam blocking their way down to her. Sawyer orders Jin to go get chains from the van.
Van: Hurley follows Jacob back to the van and peppers him with questions. When Jacob doesn't answer, Hurley gets annoyed and warns him that Jin will be back in a second. Jacob is crouched down by Sayid now. "Your friend Jin won't be able to see me." Hurley asks why. Jacob: "'Cause I died an hour ago." Hurley says, "Sorry dude, that sucks [...] how'd you die?" Jacob says he was killed by an old friend who tired of his company. Hurley is concerned that Jacob wants him to do something crazy again (the first dose of crazy was taking the return flight to Craphole), but Jacob says no. "I want you to save Sayid." Jacob says Sayid only has a chance if Hurley brings him to the Temple. "The rest of them will be safe there. [...] Jin knows [where it is]. Tell him to take you to the hole in the wall where he was with the French team -- through that opening you can get into the Temple. You still have the guitar case I gave you? [...] Bring it." Hurley asks, "Who are you, dude?" Jacob says, "I'm Jacob." Hurley's eyebrows raise in surprise, but before he can ask him anything else, Jin arrives. Jacob has disappeared into thin air. Jin says they have to bring the van down to the hatch-pit to help Juliet. They load Sayid back into the van and speed through the brush. On the way, Hurley says, "Jin, if I asked you to take us where there's like...a hole in the wall -- where you went with the French team -- would you know what I was talking about?" Jin says, "Yes." Hurley: "Good." Jin backs the van up to the edge of the hatch-pit, gets out and throws the chains down to a waiting Jack and Miles, while Sawyer frets to Kate because Juliet is no longer making any noise. Kate murmurs comforting lies at him -- that Juliet's probably resting. Sawyer looks her in the eye. "If she dies, I will kill him."
Plane Reality: Cindy makes an announcement. If there's a doctor on board, he or she should press the call button. Jack responds and Cindy brings him back to the restroom, explaining a passenger went in there about a half hour before and is now not responding to them. Oh man. It's Charlie isn't it, and he's overdosed. Another guy is still knocking at the door and says he thinks the lock has been tampered with. Suddenly, a silken voice interjects from off-screen: "May I be of assistance?" SAYID! He kicks in the door and there's Charlie slumped over on the can. Jack says he's not breathing! Commercial.
Cindy rushes back to the bathroom area carrying a bag of medical supplies. She's stopped on the way by Sawyer (who calls her Earhart, heh) who wants to know what's up. She gives him the standard non-answer and makes her way back to Jack. Sayid holds the respiratory mask tightly over Charlie's face, while Jack bags (not a sexual euphemism) Charlie. His airway is obstructed. Jack tries to reach down Charlie's throat to remove the obstruction but decides he's going to have to give him a tracheotomy. The only problem is, there's not one sharp thing on the whole damn plane. If Charlie dies yet again, the terrorists really will have won. Jack tells Cindy to get his pen out of his jacket. She looks, but it's not there. Remember that when you read the episode 6-2 recap. Jack reaches back down Charlie's throat with his fingers and finally dislodges the obstruction. It's a bag of heroin. Charlie didn't O.D.; he tried to kill himself. I don't like that part of this new world, at all. Once he comes to, it's clear he's less than thrilled to be alive. Poor Jack's smile fades.
Island Reality: Jin, Sawyer, Jack, Kate and Miles work to wrap the chains around the beam and attach it to the van. Up above, Jin gets back in the driver's seat, and after a couple of false starts, he manages to tow the beam off of the ur-pit. Saywer climbs down to Juliet, throwing the old hatch exercycle out of the way in order to get to her. She's trapped under yet more debris, including another beam. He finally manages to wake her. She looks around and asks, "Where are we?" Sawyer lies that she shouldn't worry about that, and that she's fine; he's just got to free her. She looks around and starts crying. "It didn't work. We're still on the island." Sawyer tries to shush her, but she won't have it. "No. I hit the bomb and you're still here." Sawyer stops. "You what? You hit the bomb? Why?" Juliet reaches for his face. "I wanted you to be able to go home. I wanted to make it so that you never came to this damned island. It didn't work." Sawyer shushes her again. "Don't you worry about that. You're gonna be okay; I'm gonna get you out of here and we're all gonna go home together. You hear me?"
Up above, Kate calls out for Sawyer, while Jack, Hurley and Jin look in on Sayid. Jack says there's nothing he can do for Sayid. Hurley says there's something he can do for Sayid -- get him to the Temple. Miles says, "And you know about this, how?" Hurley says, "This guy Jacob told me about it, just before we got here." Jack wants to know who Jacob is. Hurley snaps at him. "Does it matter? Can you fix Sayid, Jack?" Jack acknowledges he can't. Hurley stares him down. "Then you're going to have to let me do it." Go Hurley. Get down with your bad self! Even Jack nods in agreement.
Four-Toes Beach: Richard tells Ben it's time to come clean with him. "You and I have known each other for 30 years, Ben. I'm asking you this as a friend." Ben finally looks at him. "You want to know what happened, Richard? Why don't you go inside and find out." Mee-ow. Just then, Bram marches over, grabs Ben by the scruff of his neck and he and a couple of the other male goons march Ben off to the statue base. They send Ben in, first. Faux-Locke asks where Richard is. Ben says he's not coming. Faux-Locke wants to know who is behind Ben, then. Bram and the goonies march in, weapons at the ready. Bram demands to know where Jacob is. Faux-Locke tells him Jacob is dead and tells them that he assumes they're there as Jacob's body guards. "Well, I have good news. Jacob burned up -- right there in that fire. Therefore there's nothing left for you to protect. You can go. You're free."
The goonies are less thrilled than Faux-Locke expected and start firing on him. Bram yells, "Kill him!" Ben takes cover and Faux-Locke disappears. Bram picks up an unusually bent bullet from the floor, and that's when it begins. The music dissolves into a sound of rushing air, and then rattle rattle rattle. Smokey travels down the corridor (there's a corridor in the base of a foot statue -- really) and fills the main room. The camera work is intentionally choppy and difficult to follow. Suffice it to say Smokey makes quick work of the lesser goonies, stopping one poor bastard before he can finish drawing an ash circle around himself. Bram does manage to establish an ash circle around himself though, and Smokey can't cross it. But does he give up and waft away? Not our monster. He smashes a pillar outside of the circle. It falls. A chunk of it breaks off and flies into Bram, knocking him outside of his protected spot, and Smokey sends him flying into Jacob's loom. He smashes Bram and slams him up and down until he's impaled by a broken bit of the framework.
When the noise stops Ben finally opens his eyes and leaves his hiding spot to survey the damage. It's just him and the dead goonies, until he hears footsteps behind him. He turns to see Faux-Locke, who is smiling regretfully at him. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that." Anytime that Ben's in a scene, just imagine I've inserted: "Ben's eyes bug even further out of his head," because I'm running out of ways to say it.
Hatch-Pit: Kate yells down to Sawyer again, asking if Juliet is okay. He manages to move a beam by himself -- the same kind the whole group of them couldn't move without the help of the van. He drops to the ground and cradles her in his arms, telling her it's okay. Juliet snuggles into him. "We should get coffee, sometime." Even Sawyer knows that ain't good. His breath comes fast and heavy. "I've gotta get you out of here." Juliet smiles. "We can go Dutch." Sawyer doesn't yet realize that there are two realities at work now, so he doesn't see that Juliet's currently straddling them both, and can't imagine that in the other reality, she must be meeting Sawyer and making a coffee date, which makes this all the more bittersweet.
Anyhow, Sawyer leans back so he can look at her face. He strokes it as he tells her, "Juliet, it's me." She touches his chin. "James?" He says, "Yeah." She tells him to kiss her. He looks at her and shakes his head. "You've got it, Blondie." He leans in and kisses her gingerly, but not without passion. Afterward, she whispers, "I have to tell you something. It's really, really important." Sawyer nods and strokes her cheek. "You tell me." A beat. "Tell me." He waits expectantly, but slowly, realization creeps across his face. "Juliet? Bay-- You tell me!" He caresses her face and then pulls her head close to his neck as he cries. "I'm here. I'm here." Juliet though? She's gone daddy gone. This scene is heart-breaking for those of us who were delightfully surprised by this couple. But damn, I started watching Lost when the pilot aired. I broke up with it a couple of times in the early seasons though, because even though I loved it, it could annoy the hell out of me. Our break-ups never lasted long, though. Okay, so I guess my point is my unique experience with Lost is not at all unique. I only mention it, because I'm wondering who else has come full circle and is now reveling in the show's abusive relationship with the fans. When Juliet said she had to tell him something really, really important, I realized she was going to croak before she got a word of it out and I... loved it -- so much so that I didn't mind that it took me out of the show, altogether. I laughed, and laughed, paused it, rewound it, and watched it again, and laughed and laughed some more, and I've laughed every time I've watched the scene since then. Ahh. Good stuff. I'm sure gonna miss you when you're gone, Show.
Up above, Jack, Miles, Hurley and Jin come over to the edge of the hatch-pit. Kate must be rinsing her face so her freckles will sparkle at Sawyer, or something. The guys look down at Sawyer and he carries Juliet out of the ur-pit, far below. It's the typical TV pieta pose which becomes less effective every time I see it. The mournful music plays. Kate, who wasn't off freshening her freckles after all, is right down at ground zero, to Sawyer. Jack looks down on him with a mixture of pity, regret and possibly guilt. Sawyer glares at him and growls. "You did this." Jack swallows, hard. The music spins up and out and carries us to the...
Plane Reality: A couple of men bind Charlie's hands with zip cuffs. When they march him past Jack, Charlie says, "You should have let that happen, man. I was supposed to die." Jack is disturbed; he looks off, and lost in thought, when Cindy tells him not to take Charlie's lack of gratitude personally. "Some people just don't know how to say thanks." Jack nods and chuckles, but fails to say thanks. When he returns to his seat, Desmond is nowhere to be seen. When he asks Rose about him, she says she and Bernard were asleep. Just then the pilot, Captain Norris, breaks in over the P.A. system to announce they're approaching Los Angeles, where it's a beautiful day -- sunny and 72 degrees. "Six miles visibility and winds out of the southwest at five miles an hour." Rose looks over at Jack with a smile. "Buckle up. We're almost home." Just then, the Captain says he'll be putting the "fasten seatbelts" sign on, so Jack chuckles at Rose. When the Captain signs off with, "Thank you so much for flying Oceanic Air," it's...
Musical Montage Time: The usual sweet, slightly sad melody plays as Cindy walks down the aisle and wakes Sawyer with a gentle tap on the shoulder. , she wakes Hurley. Both guys raise their seats to the upright position and buckle up. Sayid pulls out his passport and looks at the picture of Nadia inside. He then turns his eyes toward the window with a quiet, hopeful look. Jin inspects the watch he's to deliver for Mr. Paik. Both he and Sun look so unhappy. Boone raises his tray and fastens his seatbelt. Frogurt takes off his sleeping mask. Locke yawns and shakes his head as if trying to wake up. Cindy happily takes her seat to another flight attendant. Kate looks out the window in resignation. And we circle back round to Jack, who watches as the plane makes a picture perfect landing. Once it touches down, Sawyer nods. Jin and Sun look as though they're a million miles away. Kate watches as an attendant points two police officers in her general direction, but they're just there to get Charlie, who gives Jack a look more hateful than Sawyer was wearing during his Juliet-Pieta scene. One of the cops grabs Charlie's guitar case from the crew on their way off the plane. If I recall correctly, his guitar wasn't allowed on the plane, in the original flight. The rest of our people leave their seats thusly: Kate and Mars; Sayid; Frogurt (who steps over a still seated Locke); Damon Salvatore Boone (who shakes Locke's hand); Hurley; and Sawyer. We watch as random people and our beloved and be-hated regulars and recurrings deplane: Asian lady; Sayid; Tall blonde lady; Rose and Bernard; (Jack and Locke are still seated); Hurley; Asian lady, Sawyer; Asian man; Euro man; and blurry lady. Jack finally rises and puts on his jacket as two crew members bring a wheel chair down to Locke. Jack looks back, as he walks off the plane and he and Locke share an awkward, friendly smile. Locke's condition hits home with me as the crew loads him into the wheelchair. Jack walks off the plane, with Locke and his escort not too far behind. Fade to black.
While Cindy's putting her brain back together, watch the full episode now. Then discuss all of this craziness in our forums!
Read Cindy's recap of "LA X Pt. 2".