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Jack leaves Jin, Sayid, and Bernard on the beach to blow up the Others while he leads the rest of the survivors to the radio towers to try and signal Naomi's ship and start a rescue. Their trap goes awry when Jin misses his mark. All three are taken captive and used as collateral in Ben's mission to protect the Island. The Losties, on their way to the radio tower, notice that there were only two explosions and know that something is wrong. Sawyer decides that he's going back to find out what happened, and Juliet offers to take him to a secret cache of guns, and she and Jack kiss as they part ways. Turns out there are no guns, though, and Sawyer and Juliet head off to deal with their karma issues unarmed.
Meanwhile, Charlie is being held captive by the Lovely Ladies of the Looking Glass Station. Desmond joins him when Mikhail is sent to the station and takes a slight detour to shoot the crap out Desmond's canoe.
In Otherworld, Ben is planning on heading off all 40 of the plane survivors by himself, but Alex invites herself along. Good thing he didn't bring the Others, because there is definitely dissension in the ranks. What with Locke missing, the away team dead, and the fact that Ben told everyone the Looking Glass was flooded and inoperable when in fact he was using it to block all transmissions off the Island, no one is happy with Ben's leadership. The lack of trust definitely rubs Mikhail the wrong way. You know what else rubs Mikhail the wrong way? The giant harpoon that Desmond shoots into him after Mikhail attacks the Ladies on Ben's order. The surviving Lady tells Charlie the code to avenge her own death. Inexplicably the code is keyed to the tune of Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys.
When Jack refuses to give Ben the satellite phone and give up their only hope of rescue, Ben tells Tom to kill Jin, Sayid, and Bernard. After the shots ring out, Jack promises revenge. But no revenge is necessary because Hurley and his Magic Bus run over the captors who had only pretended to kill the guys while deciding whether Ben had lost it. Hurley sends out a message letting everyone know that they won. Ben, now a captive, takes the opportunity to introduce Alex to her mother, Rousseau.
Despite the harpoon through the heart, Mikhail is not dead, and to prove it he throws a grenade at Charlie as he makes his escape. Charlie, who is busily making contact with Penny, saves Desmond's life by shutting himself in to the communications hatch. Before he drowns (yes, drowns, as in dead, as in ready for his return to the Big Screen) he manages to convey the message that Naomi is not who she seems.
Charlie's sacrifice paid off, though, and the jamming signal is turned off. Naomi manages to get a line to the outside world, but can't complete the call before Locke crawls from the grave to knife her. Yes, Locke is alive, and with a little assistance from Waaaaaalllltttt, he shows up just in time to protect the Island. Not to be dissuaded by a gun leveled at his head, Jack picks up the phone and, despite Ben and Locke's protestations, completes the call. The freighter crew says they can lock onto their position and the Losties cheer for the impending rescue.
Sprinkled throughout the episode have been flashbacks of a heavily bearded, drug addled, suicidal Jack slowly spiraling into a pit of self-destruction. In the last minutes of the show, it is revealed that these are not flashbacks, but rather glimpses of the future after the rescue. He meets up with Kate at the airport and tells her that he knows that they weren't meant to leave and they have to get back. She leaves him yelling to himself as planes take off overhead. I will just admit this now: I have no idea what is going on here. Damn season finales. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A glass of ice is being nervously tapped on an Oceanic Air armrest, which I am sure the other first-class patrons just love. A fully-bearded Jack swigs, chugs, and asks for another. The stewardess tells him no because they are landing in 20 minutes. He points out that 20 minutes is a long time, and she still says no and offers him a newspaper instead. Jack's beard is really nasty and vaguely pubic. I really hope it's fake and that those are not the sorts of hairs that grow naturally out of Matthew Fox's face. The plane bumps and jolts and the captain asks them to buckle their seatbelts. As Grizzly Jack complies, he notices an article in the newspaper the stewardess handed him. He grabs the paper off the seat and reads an article looking more and more upset. He gently tears the article out. Soon he's landed and is driving a Jeep that he oddly chooses to park on a bridge. He pulls the article out of his pocket, leans his head against the steering wheel, and cries. If you had any doubts prior to this, let it hereby be known that Grizzly Jack is a sensitive man. He is in touch with his emotions. He probably eats quiche. Jack pulls out his phone and calls someone, even though it appears to be the middle of the night. He says, "Hi, it's me. I...uh. I just read..." He can't get any more words out and shuts the phone. He has apparently seen It's a Wonderful Life a few too many times, because he climbs out of his car and clambers up on to the bridge railing. He studies the drop, mutters "Forgive me" to the night air, and is about to make himself a pancake (mmm...pancakes) when a kindly angel tells him not to. Well, just substitute "kindly angel" for "enormously loud fiery car crash" and "tells him not to" with "interrupts his planned suicide." He looks at the crash, sighs at the distraction, and turns away from death and walks over to the crash. Don't you hate it when heroic acts interfere with your plans for an easy suicide?
At the beach camp, the Losties are hurriedly packing for their flight into the jungle. At the water trough, Jack and Kate make some serious eye contact that makes Kate blush and glance at Sawyer, who hasn't noticed a thing. He is undoubtedly a bit distracted from his ersatz love triangle what with killing a man with his bare hands so recently and all. Jack goes to Sayid and asks him if he has everything he needs. Sayid flicks him in the head and says, "Uh, duh, of course not. But I will make do because 1) we have no choice and 2) I am Sayid." Jack asks about Bernard and Jin, and Sayid reassures him that they are both excellent shots and "highly motivated." I guess that Successories poster he put in the canteen worked wonders! Sayid continues, "The dynamite is in place and we will not miss." He then looks closely at Jack and makes him promise that whatever happens on the beach, he will keep them all moving to the radio tower. He is wiling to sacrifice his life if it means rescue, but he is not giving it up for nothing. Jack understands. The two shake hands, exchange good lucks, and Jack walks off.
Rose is unconvinced by Bernard's decision to stay and shoot. She asks, "If I helped you with your S.O.S. sign would you change your mind?" Oh, remember the S.O.S sign? Bernard smirks, "No." Rose then makes him repeat the phrase, "I am a dentist. I am not Rambo." Hee! She laughs, "And don't your forget it!" They hug. I love Rose, and I am so glad she's back!
Rousseau is on the beach and she is totally eyeing Claire's baby. Again. It's a bit creepy. Like at any moment her façade of not-crazy is going to crumble and she is going to grab Aaron and run off toward the Dark Territory and shoot whoever comes near. Claire is oblivious to the crazy lady stare as she calmly prepares for the trip. Hurley tells her not to worry about Charlie, because he's going to be fine. Claire smiles and nods and manages to say, "Yeah of course he is" without looking like she believes it at all.
Jin and Sun say goodbye, too. Jin tells Sun to stay close to Jack and rest if she gets tired. He puts his hand on her stomach as he says it and it is sweet. Sun cries while she asks him why he is doing this. He cups her face in his hands, looks her in the eyes, and says in English, "Because we have to go home." They kiss, and Juliet stands there gawking. Naomi fidgets with her phone, and Juliet shifts her bovine gaze to the comely pilot and her save-the-world satellite phone. As the sun is setting, Jack gathers the survivors and they head out on the great migration to the radio tower. Of course, no migration is complete without rolly luggage! Really! I'm sure the Donner Party would have been just fine if they had sensibly rolled their luggage instead of eating each other. As the group leaves, Sayid and the boys stand on the beach with their guns ready for action. That is not a euphemism.
Rousseau leads the mob along the Island's edge. Hurley has Vincent on a leash and the dog looks wildly irritated. Naomi race-walks to the front of the group to ask Jack a question. Jack asks what and she replies, "What did you do before you became Moses?" Heh. Jack has the decency to laugh at this and explain that he's a doctor. She snorts, "Of course you are" and then asks if Juliet is okay. Jack is still sensitive about that point and snaps, "Why wouldn't she be?" Naomi points out that no one in the group trusts her. Juliet offers that Jack can catch up to her when he's done. He protests, but Juliet says it's fine and she walks off. Naomi wants to show Jack how to use the phone in case anything happens to her. I take two giant steps to the right in order to avoid the giant Anvil of Foreshadowing that comes crashing down. Naomi illustrates that the phone is simple enough to use, and once the "rock star" turns off the jamming signal, the light will turn green and they channels of communication with the outside world will be open. Naomi and Jack wonder how much longer it will be before Charlie can get his job done.
Charlie would love to get his job done, but he is a bit tied up at the moment. Literally! Tied up in the Looking Glass station by a foxy tough blonde ["Played by Tracy 'Crazy Laura' Middendorf, who has now officially been on every TV show ever." -- Joe R] and a nicer brunette who played an adulterer on that short-lived television show about a group of friends who win the lottery. Actually, I have no idea if it was short lived; I just never made it past two episodes. Not the point. The point is Charlie is tied up and getting the snot beaten out of him by the Others' Ladies Auxiliary. The Ladies demand to know how he got there. He laughs, "I came in my invisible submarine don't you see it?" He gets slammed in the face again. Charlie hasn't had this much fun with two women since the blonde fangirls in Helsinki! The Ladies demand to know how he found out about the station. He replies, "Juliet told us. If you haven't heard she's one of us now." He gets slammed in the face again. The Ladies announce that they have to tell Ben. Charlie, in the spirit of fun, agrees with them. They open the door to a room full of communication equipment and a yellow light blinks in time to the signal being sent. Charlie swivels his chair to watch, but his view is obstructed by Desmond's face reminding him that the room where he is going to die is full of equipment and a blinking yellow light. That guy must be a huge hit at parties.
Ben is sitting in his smartly-appointed safari tent writing in his diary ("Dear Diary, Why doesn't anyone like pink champagne anymore?") or making notes on how best to skin kittens or make really rancid cocktail sauce or whatever it is evil people write about, when the walkie-talkie to him crackles to life. "Come in Ben, come in Ben." Apparently the thin canvas walls and wide open door of the tent were interfering with the reception, so Ben grabs the walkie and heads (more) outside. As the walkie informs him that it's Bonnie, the Others perk up. Ben's first question is, "Why are you breaking radio silence?" Bonnie explains that one of "them" swam down there. In order to accurately record the events in his diary later, Ben wants to know which one. Bonnie replies, "He won't tell us." Charlie pipes in, "It's Charlie! Tell him I said hi!" Certain doom sure has made someone punchy! Bonnie informs Ben that Charlie said Juliet told him about the station. Ben looks aggrieved. Mr. Eyeliner and Mikhail have circled close to Ben. Ben turns to Mikhail, "Mikhail, you need to go down to the Looking Glass and find out what Charlie Pace is doing down there." Mikhail is not exactly ready to spring into action. He wants to know why Ben told them the Looking Glass was flooded and inoperable. Ben sighs and says, "I lied. But I need you to go down there, Mikhail." This answer satisfies Mikhail, for some reason, and he says he can be at the station by dawn. As he leaves, he wonders aloud what else Juliet might have told them.
Ben tries to reach the team of Other mercenaries he sent to the beach, but they have their walkies off since they are just about to attack the campsite. Sayid, Jin, and Bernard wait in the bushes to ambush them with their sites trained on the dynamite stacks. As Ryan, the team leader, surveys the camp with binoculars, a girl Other reports back that the tents are marked with white coral and Juliet did her job. The Others move in. They stealthily approach the marked tents and pull them open. Only when they pull back the covers, do they realize they have been duped. They yell that the tents are empty and to get away, but it's too late. Sayid shoots at a stack of dynamite and it explodes sending Others flying in the air. In the chaos, Bernard prays and shoots and hits his target killing more Others. Jin lines up his shot, but misses. Twice. He shoots an Other and ducks out of the way as gunfire rains down on him. He pops out of his hiding place and shoots another and tries to hit the dynamite, but he is captured. The Other screams, "I got your man!" Bernard makes a break for it, but is tackled by Tom. The Other holding Jin hostage yells again that he has their man and they should drop their weapons. Sayid has a bead on the man holding the gun to Jin's head, just as he is about to shoot, he feels a gun pointed at his own head. He takes his finger off the trigger. So the valiant heroes are captured and pretty much completely screwed. Up in the hills, the Losties are watching the explosions down on the beach. Rose looks panicked as she mentions that there were only two explosions, but there were supposed to be three. Kate (wearing a hoodie) announces that it didn't work. Everyone looks sick.
Grizzly Jack is getting his forehead stitched up by a doctor in the procedure room of a hospital. The doctor finishes and puts a bandage on and tells him that the news people are waiting for him outside since he is a hero and all. Grizzly Jack ignores this comment and asks about the woman. The doctor says that she's been stabilized. Grizzly Jack is glad about that. There's a knock at the door and Grizzly Jack's ex-wife busts into the room. The doctor says, "Sorry no visitors in the ER." But Grizzly Jack stops her and says it's okay because they used to be married. The doctor shrugs at the non-sequiter and walks out of the room. Grizzly Jack's ex-wife asks what happened. Grizzly Jack explains that it was a car accident. We see that his arm is bandaged, too. Sarah asks if he's still drinking. He says no, but everyone knows he is lying because we all saw it in the opening scene. Grizzly Jack turns on her and asks why she came down there? She explains that she is still his emergency contact. The camera pans out to reveal that Sarah is really pregnant. Grizzly Jack sighs and looks sad. She asks what he was doing driving around at two in the morning. He gets teary eyed but can't say. He asks if she can give him a lift home, but she says no, that it wouldn't be appropriate. Um, Sarah, why did you come down there? Why exactly did you bother to leave the house in the middle of the night to come to the hospital, grill the guy about whether he's been drinking, and then you not give him a ride home? Sheesh, you give a bad name to emergency contacts. Grizzly Jack gets up and says, "Well, thanks for coming down, Sarah." He manages to say it without sounding even a little sarcastic, which must have been hard. She says, "Good bye, [Grizzly] Jack." He sort of shrugs as she leaves. Which I think is an overstatement.
Sun is panicking, "Why were there only two explosions?" Jack tries to reassure her, "Maybe they didn't have to blow the third tent." Rose adds, "What about the gun shots?" Jack throws up his hands, "Ladies! Is it okay if I call you ladies? Well, ladies, your husbands are fine. They are with Sayid. They are just a few hours behind us. Did I mention they were with Sayid? It's Sayid! Of course they're fine." Sun announces that if their husbands are coming then they will wait right there for them, but Jack refuses to allow anyone to stay. Rose looks him in the eyes and says, "If you say live together, die alone to me, Jack, I'm going to punch you in the face." Jack and I laugh together and he says, "Fair enough, Rose." I love me some Rose! I'm so glad she had her little sabbatical or vision quest or contract negotiation or whatever it is that brought her back. She's back! Jack tries to rally the troops reassuring them that they have a plan and as far as they know it worked, so just keep moving. No one looks particularly convinced, but what are they going to do? Hang out on a cliff all night with angry Others lurking around? No they are not. As they continue on their journey, Naomi checks her satellite phone and there is still no signal.
Charlie is still being held captive by the Lovely Ladies of the Looking Glass. They ask him one more time why he's there. He says that he is there to turn off their jamming equipment. The Kindly Brunette asks how he knows about it. And even though he just told them that Juliet is passing information on to them, he says he knows because he knows and whatever they do to him he is Going. To. Turn. It. Off. The Angry Blonde asks him what the code is. Charlie looks stymied and the Angry Blonde (who is awkwardly playing almost nice) points out that if he is going to turn off their jamming signal he will need the code and only three people know it: Kindly Brunette, Ben, and her. Charlie thinks about it for a second and then shrugs and says he won't need the code because when the station floods, he will just go in there, turn off the jamming signal, and the helicopters will come and rescue all his friends. Kindly Brunette looks concerned, but Angry Blonde asks, "If the whole station floods, what happens to you?" Charlie smiles, "I die."
Ben is still in his safari tent when Tom calls him from the beach. Tom reports that the Losties killed them all, which obviously means Tom is dead and is either an incarnation of the Smoke Monster, a zombie, or in purgatory with the rest of the non-dead denizens of the Island. What will the writers think of ?! Tom (totally unaware of his new status) continues, "Shepard and his crew...they're all gone." Ben interrupts, "Gone? Gone where?" Tom replies, "Did you hear me? They killed seven of us!" Oh, er, scratch that zombie theory. Ryan yells at Tom to tell Ben the good news, the good news obviously being that Jesus Christ died for our sins. The other good news being that they captured the three who stayed behind to blow up the tents and have them bound and on their knees. Tom continues, "Ben, they knew we were coming." Ben looks, well, he looks as pink and shriveled as always, but he also looks shaken when he reports, "It was Juliet. She betrayed us." Ben wants them to find out where she went. Ryan picks up Sayid who immediately hocks a giant loog in his face. Nice! Well, not so much for Ryan, but hey, actors are overpaid, right? Ryan clocks him in the head with his gun. Tom reports, "They aren't talking." Ben asks whom they have and Tom tells him Sayid, Jin, and "the dentist." Ben does some rapid calculus and tells them to shoot Jin. Tom balks, but Ben insists, "If you want them to talk kill Kwon." Jin perks up when he hears his name and the giant gun pointed at his head. He is cool as a pickled cucumber, but Bernard panics and starts talking despite Jin telling him not to talk and Sayid blurting that They are going to kill them and getting knocked in the head again for his trouble. Despite all of that, Bernard talks. Stupid dentist. He says they are going to the radio tower because a woman parachuted onto the Island and they're going to use her phone and call her boat. Ben wants more information, "Juliet thought we were coming tomorrow, why are they running tonight? How did they know?" Bernard? Please continue blabbing. Bernard explains that a kid came in a canoe and told them. He tells them the kid's name is Carl. Then he said he stole a candy bar in third grade, underreported his income in 1982, and, not once, but three times, farted and blamed the dog. Tom asks if Ben got that, and Ben says yes and stares out the tent at Alex with the realization that it is all her fault. Tom asks, "What do you want us to do? Kill 'em?" Ben replies, "No, not yet." I wonder if Ben would have kidnapped Alex if he had realized that the bouncy little baby girl would grow up to be a wretched double crossing free-thinking teenager?
Mr. Eyeliner draws a line on a map with a ruler and a red pencil, so they must have just received a fresh stock of office supplies. Mr. Eyeliner turns to Ben, "So we're going to the radio tower?" Ben corrects him: he is going to the radio tower alone and Mr. Eyeliner is taking everyone to the Temple as planned. I bet the Temple is where we saw the giant four-toed foot oh so many episodes ago and the Others are actually foot fetishists who were spurned from society for their beliefs and went to find a land where they could practice their religion in peace. Like the Puritans. It would explain a lot. Well, no, actually it wouldn't explain anything, but it sure would add a new element to the story with the added benefit of justifying that damn foot statue. Anyway. Mr. Eyeliner turns on Ben explaining that it may not be the best time for him to go tromping off by himself because people are starting to ask questions. Starting? People are starting to ask questions? Have you been to our forums? They are chockfull of questions and have been for a long, long time. Mr. Eyeliner reports that people want to know why they had to leave home, what happened to Locke, and now with rumors that the entire away team was killed, maybe he should stick around. Ben replies, "They're not all dead." And then he gets up, leaving Mr. Eyeliner gawking after him. Alex asks Ben where he is going. He states that he is going to find Jack. She says that she is going with him and is really shocked when agrees. Ben smirks, "Well, you do want to see Carl again, don't you?" Alex looks concerned. Ben turns back to the map table and finishes his orienteering with Mr. Eyeliner breathing down his neck demanding to know what Ben is planning on doing with forty people desperate to get off the Island. Ben retorts, "I'm going to talk them out of it." Mr. Eyeliner does not look convinced of the efficacy of this plan. How did Ben pass him in the Other hierarchy?
As the Losties continue on their way to the radio tower, they stop to fill their canteens. Kate grabs Sawyer and tries to get him to care that their friends are in trouble. She says something is wrong; he replies, "Lots of things are wrong, Kate." She ignores him and continues saying that Jin, Sayid, and Bernard should have caught up by now. She wants to go back; Sawyer snorts dismissively about this plan, which I must point out is totally not the way to continue to get laid. Kate wants to know what is going on with him, but Sawyer acts like a sullen teenager and mumbles that nothing is wrong. Getting in the spirit of sullen teenage angsty behavior, Kate splashes water at him. He balks and asks what that was for, and she says it was to wake him up. She wants to know what is going on with him. He has been sleepwalking. He hasn't been the same since Locke gave him that tape. He doesn't care about their friends and he doesn't seem to care about anything any more and since when did he start calling her Kate? Sawyer doesn't seem to notice the giant warning lights flashing over Kate's head telling him to hurry up and say something nice and reassuring and involving how small her ass looks in that hoodie. Sawyer doesn't say anything, so Kate continues, "They sent Juliet to see on Sun, but she was there to check and see if I'm pregnant, too." Sawyer pulls his pack on to his shoulder and replies, "Well, let's hope you're not." Ooh, that is cold. Kate's head explodes as the group begins to move out. On his way up the path, Jack notices Naomi still fiddling with her phone. There is no signal yet.
It's a beautiful morning out on the water as Desmond wakes up from his battering. He is still floating in the canoe; he's lucky he doesn't toss and turn in his sleep! He finds Charlie's list of greatest hits and is staring into the water trying to figure out what happened when he starts getting shot at. He can't figure out where the shots are coming from until he sees Mikhail on the beach. Mikhail pumps the canoe full of bullets, and Desmond realizes that his only choice is to dive for the Looking Glass. He takes a deep breath and dives down. He makes it to the loading dock and is relieved to see Charlie alive and, um, not dead. Charlie sees him and tells him to hide. The Ladies are arguing in their signal room so Desmond has just enough time to duck into a closet, before Angry Blonde notices Charlie singing Driveshaft songs and beats the crap out of him some more. I'll admit that song is pretty freaking annoying, but overreact-y much?
Grizzly Jack flips through the chart of a heavily bandaged, sedated, and intubated woman. He shakes his head and takes a bottle of pills out of his doctor's coat pocket. The security chief from Las Vegas interrupts his pill popping to ask if he can help. Jack explains that he's just checking the chart and the security chief introduces himself as "Dr. Hamill. Rob. The new Chief of Surgery. We haven't met yet." Grizzly Jack hesitates and then introduces himself and shakes the man's hand. The Chief is happy to meet the "hero," but is surprised to see him at the hospital; he assumed he wouldn't be in. he then goes on to say that the woman is really lucky that Grizzly Jack was there. Grizzly Jacks snarls, "If this woman was lucky she wouldn't have a broken back impinging on her spinal cord." I never noticed how the word "impinging" can really make a guy sound smart. Grizzly Jack says that he wants to operate first thing in the morning. The Chief smiles insincerely and says, "I'm sorry, [Grizzly] Jack, but this isn't your patient, and we are well aware of the issues." He already has a doctor lined up to do the operation first thing in the morning and it's not Jack. Jack replies that he would prefer to do the surgery, but the Chief is having none of it. "Last night you pulled this woman's eight-year old son out of a burning car and then went back for her. I think you did enough. Go home, have a drink. You deserve it." Grizzly Jack isn't planning on giving up that easily, but the doctor basically pries the chart out of his hands. As a last stab at maintaining a shred of dignity, Grizzly Jack tells the Chief to call him, because he wants to know what happened. Grizzly Jack sighs some more and heads out of the hospital. When he passes the waiting room, he sees a little boy with his arm in a cast who is presumably the kid he saved. The little boy waves, Grizzly Jack waves back and heads for the exit.
Back on the trail, the Losties are making steady progress when Sawyer announces that he is going back. Jack won't hear of it, but Sawyer replies that he "wasn't asking." Jack sighs and walks back to where Sawyer has stopped to discuss it. "What do you think you are going to get done alone and unarmed?" Kate butts into the conversation and says that Sawyer won't be alone because she is going too. Sawyer glares and says, "No you're not.". She turns on him, "Twenty minutes ago you weren't even interested in going and now you're telling Jack...." Sawyer interrupts her to snarl, "I didn't want to go with you." Sawyer, I hope you are really good friends with your left hand, 'cause Kate is totally never putting out again. Jack adds that he thinks this is a suicide mission without guns. Juliet steps into the fray, announcing that she knows where there is a secret stash of guns. She volunteers to take Sawyer to the guns and then back to the beach. Jack tells her she doesn't have to do this, but Juliet and I say in unison that yes, yes she does. Sawyer agrees and starts walking back down the hill. Jack tells Juliet not to do anything stupid; she smiles and says she won't if he won't. They kiss on the lips in full view of everyone (and a gawking Kate). You know in the book (or movie) The Princess Bride where the narrator in describing a kiss between Westley and Buttercup states, "Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure?" This was not one of them. It was more like if I slapped two rubber chickens together and claimed they were frenching. Juliet tells him not to wait up as she walks after Sawyer. Jack doesn't even have the decency look embarrassed as he turns to continue the trek to the radio tower.
Back in the Looking Glass, Charlie is still tied up and singing. His singing is so aggravating that Angry Blonde screams in irritation, throws down and her gun, and hollers for the spear gun so it will hurt more when she kills him. I feel her pain, because that is exactly how I feel when forced to listen to Barbra Streisand. Kindly Brunette refuses to get the spear gun, so Angry Blonde is half way to the closet before Charlie realizes that she is headed for the closet where Desmond is hiding. He tries to stop her, but Mikhail is much more successful when he surfaces in the moon pool in full diving regalia. The Ladies are thrilled. They haven't seen a man in months and, no, I don't count Charlie. While he has been manning up a bit of late, he's still a twee little hobbit vamping black nail polish and a hoodie to prove he's rawk. I dropped out of art school to get away from prats like that. Mikhail pulls himself out of the pool and takes off his diving mask, showing his rank one-eyedness in all its glory. The Ladies say in unison, "Mikhail!" He stares at them, "I thought you were on assignment in Canada." They reply that Ben swore them to secrecy. Charlie says hello, but Mikhail ignores him, demanding to know where the "other one" is. The Ladies are flummoxed so Mikhail explains that he was shooting at Charlie's friend who swam down to get away from the onslaught of bullets. The Ladies swear that he's not there, so Mikhail pulls out a knife to ask Charlie. Charlie attempts to distract him from the knifing by dancing a happy little hobbit dance, but since he's still tied to the chair, he has to revert to Plan B and starts asking questions: "Why did your little friend Ben tell you that this station was flooded when it isn't? Why are these two jamming transmissions off the Island?" That one irks Mikhail, what with being the communication guru and all. He stops and stares, "What? Really?"
A bell sounds in the communication room and Angry Blonde says it's Ben. Mikhail says he will get it. Ben is on the line trying to defend his actions to Mikhail, claiming he was just doing what was in the best interest of the Island. Mikhail is unconvinced, "The Island told you it was necessary to jam your own people?" "Yes." Mikhail then wants to know if the Island told Ben to jump off a bridge if he would do it. Ben changes tactics and compliments Mikhail on his years of loyalty. Would he like a plaque? No? Well, he should trust him and trust Jacob. Mikhail's not buying it: "Why would Jacob want you to lie to your own people? And where would you get a plaque anyway?" Ben uses some fancy fast-talking to get Mikhail back on his side. He explains that the Island is under attack. The jamming was for everyone's security. They are in a serious situation and they must do everything necessary to protect it. Mikhail wants to know why Ben wouldn't trust him. Ben replies, "I made a serious mistake. I should have trusted you. I need your help fixing this mess I've made. I need you to kill Charlie. Make sure the jamming signal stays on at all costs! And I can't risk Greta and Bonnie telling the others about what we've done so you will have to take care of them, too." Alex, walking to Ben, listens in horror, but stays silent. Mikhail asks, "How do I know that you didn't tell them the same thing?" Ben replies, "Because if I had, Mikhail, you would already be dead." Cold Comfort, dude. Ordering three murders would have come across as a lot more threatening if Ben wasn't wearing such distractingly pretty coral lipstick. Really, what shade is that?
Juliet and Sawyer are trekking off. Sawyer almost sounds like his old self when he asks her, "So you pulled us out of those polar bear cages and put us on the chain gang, so what the hell did you have us breaking all those rocks for?" Juliet says it was for a runway. "For what?" "Aliens." Sawyer stares at her until she confesses that she has no idea, because they didn't tell her what the runway was for. Sawyer then blurts, 'So...you screwing Jack yet?" Juliet replies, "No. Are you?" Aw they're joking! With each other! They're totally in love! Do I smell a Season Four love quadrangle? Sawyer smirks and asks how far away the guns are. Juliet answers that there aren't any guns. Sawyer grabs her arm, "What?" Juliet explains that she lied because it was the only way Jack would let them go back. So why is Juliet going back? "Karma. Why are you going back, James?" Their suicide mission is interrupted by Hurley who is trying to tag along. "Jack's too busy leading to even talk to me," he says. "I just want to help. Please?" Sawyer sinks to the same level as Charlie and yells at Hurley, "For gods sake look at you! You're just going to get us killed." Sawyer turns and walks off, while Juliet tries to weigh the karmic pros and cons of hurting the feelings of a really nice chubby guy who just wants to help and walking said really nice chubby guy into a suicide mission. She follows Sawyer.
Ben and Alex are taking a breather on their way to intercepting the Losties before they reach the radio tower. Alex wants to know why Ben let her come. He replies, "Because I am delivering you to your new family. You betrayed me Alex." She doesn't look as hurt as you might expect from someone who has just been told that they are being banished by their father. Instead she glares at him: "You locked Carl in a cage! You locked him in a room and tried to brainwash him!" Ben is unapologetic, "I didn't want him to get you pregnant. I guess I overreacted." Oh Ben, you always hurt the ones you love! Alex puts aside her hurt feelings to ask what we have all been wondering, "Ben, why don't you just let them leave?" Ben looks surprised, "Because I can't."
Locke may not be dead, but he is definitely sweaty and extremely dirty and has a hole in his shirt, so he may as well be. As he regains consciousness, he wiggles his arms and tries to wiggle his toes to assess the damage of Ben's gun blast. He realizes that he can't move his legs. He does not like this turn of events, so with great effort he grabs a gun out of the holster of one of the Dharma Initiates who were apparently dressed for the Old West when they died. Locke checks the barrel, finds that it's loaded, and points it at his head. Just as he is about to pull the trigger he hears a voice tell him, "Don't." He looks up and sees Walt (rather, he sees a Walt that grew six inches, went through puberty, couldn't get a new primetime show, was passed over for a spot on The Surreal Life, and finally was desperate enough to agree to a guest appearance on Lost) is standing at the edge of the mass grave telling him not to do it. He tells Locke to get up. Locke says that Ben shot him and he can't move his legs. Walt says that he can move his legs and he needs to get up. He has work to do. Locke smiles.
Jack stops to help Kate get a rock out of her shoe. Being a leader is so burdensome! As the Losties trail past, he crouches to her and tells her that Sawyer didn't mean it when he said that he didn't want Kate to go with him. Kate scoffs, "If he didn't mean it, why did he say it?" Jack whips out his pocket Male-Female dictionary and translates that Sawyer was just saying it to protect her. That's the same reason why Jack told her not to come back for him. Kate rolls her eyes and asks why he is sticking up for Sawyer, "Because he would never do it for you." Jack looks at her and says, "Because I love you." They look at each other bashfully until Jack turns and walks away leaving Kate to scratch her head and concoct schemes to swipe Jack's dictionary so she can figure out what the fuck he is talking about.
Grizzly Jack is driving around in his Jeep, wearing sunglasses, and listening to the rock. He checks his mysterious and omnipresent newspaper clipping again and pulls over to park his car in what Hollywood location scouts must presume a marginal neighborhood looks like. He makes a call on his cell phone, but reaches a recording. He checks his clipping again and walks directly in front of a car and into a funeral parlor. The room is deserted except for a coffin. The funeral director asks him if he can help, Jack asks if was late, but the guy explains that there was no funeral just a viewing and no one showed up. The funeral director asks if he is friend or family and Jack says neither. The director asks if he should open the coffin, and Jack says no. And, honestly, who would say yes to that? The funeral director tells Jack to take his time and leaves him alone in the room. Jack looks at the coffin for a moment, sighs, chugs another pill, and then walks out.
Jack comes up to Rousseau on the trail to ask how much longer until they reach the radio tower. She says it is about an hour. Jack wants to know when the last time she was there and she informs him that she hasn't been there since she recorded the message sixteen years ago! She says that she will take them to the tower, but she is not leaving the Island with them. Why? Because there is no place for her there and this is her home now. Jack is about to argue with her when he realizes that Rousseau is totally right. What the hell would she do in modern-day France? Booby-trap the chateaus? Lurk in the bushes in the Tuileries? Pirate Radio Paris? Jack and Rousseau stop in their tracks when they spot Ben and Alex standing in their path. The Losties look shocked and Jack heads over to investigate. Ben shouts, "Hello Jack. We need to talk." You know, if they had tried that ninety days ago things really could have worked out differently on this Island. But then what the hell would we have been watching? Oh, right.
Mikhail puts his eye patch back on (thank God!) and leaves the signal room. He asks the Ladies if they can turn off the jamming signal. They say yes because they have the code. "Are you the only ones who have it?" "Yes." He then asks what would happen if the station flooded. They reply that the jamming signal would continue because the equipment is waterproof, so Mikhail asks why they needed to be down there. They say that they were just following orders. They trust Ben and they trust Jacob. If they started questioning orders the whole system --everything they've been working for -- would fall apart! Mikhail says they make an interesting point. And by "interesting point" he means "complete justification for murdering them." He pulls out his gun and takes out Kindly Brunette. Angry Blonde proves harder to kill, and while she is struggling after the first shot, Mikhail apologizes but he is following orders. Just as he is about to finish the job, Desmond barrels out of the closet, spear gun ablazin', and shoots Mikhail in the chest. Strangely, no Greenpeace activists throw themselves in front of the spear gun. Which I guess finally answers the nagging question of what is the difference between Mikhail and a humpback whale.
Jack is so angry at seeing Ben that his face twitches like an epileptic Chihuahua. He marches up to Ben while Kate heads out to check the area to make sure that Ben and Alex are alone. Ben thrusts out his hands to show he is unarmed except for his barbed tongue. He catches sight of Naomi in the crowd and tries to introduce himself, but Jack points his finger at Naomi and orders her not to talk to him. Jeez, he's bossy. Kate reports that there are only two sets of tracks, and Jack asks Ben what he wants. All he wants is five minutes of alone time with Jack. (Aw Ben, just five minutes? Give yourself a little credit! I'm sure you're good for at least seven.) Ben tells Jack that he owes him because he just killed seven of his people. Jack shakes his head, but agrees, grabbing the walkie-talkie out of Ben's pants as they walk. Foreplay much? And, yes, Ben does use guilt to get Jack to spend some alone with him. Dr. Phil would be horrified.
Grizzly Jack is dying for some oxycodone, but he has already reached the limit on his refills. The underpaid extra behind the counter at the pharmacy is trying to explain this to him, but he is getting all junky on her. First he claims that he has only refilled it twice, but she says this was his third. The guy in line behind him recognizes him from the newspaper and tells the lady he is a hero and should get whatever drugs he wants. Grizzly Jack totally ruins that tactic by saying he's not a hero. Der! Heroes get free shit all the time! You think Spiderman pays for his coffee? Or Aquaman ponies up for his fish food? I don't think so! Don't fight it -- just smile and nod! Instead Grizzly Jack gives the woman another prescription, but she explains that he can't write his own prescription. Grizzly Jack says it is actually his father. She wants to call his father's office to verify, but Grizzly Jack says he is out of town. When she still won't give in, he goes Super Junkie and slams away and knocks over a reading glasses display as he stumbles his druggie ass out of the pharmacy.
Ben and Jack are finally alone. Ben tells Jack to take a seat, but doesn't offer him any pink champagne, which is when things start to go way downhill. Ben tells Jack that he once made a decision that killed over forty people in a single day. He is telling Jack that little bedtime story not to get into his hero pants, but because history is about to repeat itself. Right here, right now. Jack snorts, "Let me guess, you have us surrounded and if I don't do what you say you are going to kill all my people?" Ben looks serious, "No, Jack, you are...the woman you are traveling with who parachuted onto this Island is not who she says she is. She is a representative of a group of people who have been trying to find this Island. She's one of the bad guys." She's a tranny? Wow. Didn't see that coming. Jack smirks, "Oh, right, I keep forgetting, you're one of the good guys." Ben has the decency to avoid answering that question. Instead he says, "If you call her boat, when they get here every single living person on this Island will be killed." Ben, of course, has a plan to avoid this calamity. Jack just needs to get Naomi's phone and give it to Ben. Then they will both re-join their groups and go on their merry ways. Jack is so underwhelmed by the plan that he doesn't even bother getting irritated. He just laughs and more or less says, "Uh, no."
Ben asks for his walkie back, because there is something that Jack needs to hear. Jack for some reason (shocked by the sight of a walking, talking shrimp in coral lipstick, perhaps?) agrees and hands Ben the walkie-talkie. Ben gets Tom on the line and then explains to Jack that his men have Bernard, Sayid, and Jin held at gunpoint on the beach. Jack kicks himself for handing over the walkie and turns all crazy-eyed on Ben, "What's to stop me from snapping your neck right now?" Ben talks into the walkie, "Tom if you don't hear my voice in one minute, kill them all." Jack yells, "Aw nuts!" and kicks himself again. Ben puts the walkie-talkie down and you can hear the sounds of struggle and the occasional shout of someone telling Jack not to give in. Ben tells Jack to go get the phone. Jack won't do it; he is getting everyone off the Island. Ben says, "Forty seconds." Jack isn't budging, so Ben asks, "Why do you want to get off the Island so badly?" he then launches into a litany of reasons as to why Jack should stay: His father's dead, his wife left him. Is he just so desperate to get back to the Island? Um, Ben? I think you're overlooking one vital option: Maybe Jack just wants to get far, far away from you and your particular brand of crazy. Just a thought! Ben says, "Ten seconds. Just bring me the phone, Jack! I'm not bluffing!" Jack screams, "I won't do it!" Three shots ring out. Jack looks destroyed. He tackles Ben and beats him to a bloody pulp. He is crying and crushed. He grabs the walkie and asks Tom if he's there. Tom says he's there. Jack grips the walkie so tightly that it looks like it is going to crumble like a saltine; he says, "I'm going to lead my people up to the radio tower and I'm going to make a call and get them all rescued. Then I'm going to come back and kill you." Sometimes I forget that Matthew Fox is a good actor. Then scenes like this remind me.
The Ladies Auxiliary is down to one member. As Charlie pulls off the ropes that tied him to the chair, he asks Angry Blonde for the code. Desmond doesn't think she will tell him, but Charlie is confident because it's his destiny to turn off that signal. Desmond looks a bit concerned that Charlie is still on about his destiny based on a two-second psychic vision. Charlie tries to reason with Angry Blonde by pointing out that they are all going to die down there, Mikhail just killed her friend and shot her, and Ben apparently put him up to it. He then asks, "Are you a sodding idiot? You have an opportunity to make Ben very, very angry. Why would you not take it?" She laughs as much as a dying girl can laugh and tells him the code. Charlie doesn't get it until she is halfway done. He begs her to start over, but she is busy dying. She comes to enough to say, "Good Vibrations. On the keypad. Numbers then notes." Charlie is confused so Angry Blonde explains, "Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. It was programmed by a musician." Then she dies. Good night, sweet Angry Blonde. I am so glad I never bothered to learn either of their names! One less piece of Lost trivia clogging up my synapses! Hallelujah!
Jack throws a beaten and bloodied Ben at the feet of the crowd and tells them to tie him up because he is coming with them. Jack walks of into the woods for some alone time, but Kate follows him. Alex is horrified and goes to gawk at Ben. As Alex gets closer, Rousseau stares at her and walks slowly towards her all zombified with motherly love. Alex looks startled by the strange woman with outstretched arms louring over her and asks, "Uh, what?" like the surly teenager that she is. Ben introduces her mother. Rousseau takes Alex's face in her hands and stares at her. Alex is taken aback. Rousseau asks for help tying Ben up. They bond as they truss him like a Christmas turkey. Jack has stumbled off into the bushes and Kate finds him just as he looks like he is about to upchuck. She asks what happened, what Ben said, but Jack says it's not important right now. She starts to clean his bloody knuckles and she asks again, "what happened?" Jack tells her, "He killed them. Jin, Bernard, Sayid. He radioed the beach, and I let it happen. I had to let it happen. We can't tell Rose. Or Sun. Not yet." Kate's face is all twisted up in a he-who-smelt-it-dealt-it sort of way when she asks, "Why did you bring Ben back? Why didn't you just kill him?" Jack explains his nefarious heart-of-darkness plan that he wants Ben to watch as they all get rescued off the Island, to watch his plan fail, and then Jack will kill him. If Ben doesn't die of a broken heart first, right?
After a lovely post-10PM shot of a burning corpse, Tom and Ryan are on the beach arguing about whether Ben has lost it. Ryan knows they had to follow the order, but Tom is not so sure. What with Ben being nuttier than a Mars Bar and all. Tom says that since they killed seven of their team, they should have killed the prisoners. Wha? Yup, they didn't kill them, but shot the sand instead. I've watched the scene three times now trying to parse out whether Ben's order was to shoot them or to fake shoot them and whose side Tom and Ryan are on, but this episode is too long to dwindle so I'm going with: It doesn't really matter. The point is that Sayid, Jin, and Bernard are still alive, albeit bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint. Juliet and Sawyer size up the situation from the bushes. Because could we have a single episode without lurking? No we could not. Sawyer states that there are only three of them left with four guns. Juliet counters that there are only two of them and they are unarmed. Sawyer suggests they wait until nightfall, but as Juliet argues that night doesn't change anything (except the lighting, of course) Sawyer stops to listen intently. As Juliet and Sawyer try and figure out the noise, Hurley comes driving through the jungle in his magic bus! He guns it through a tent and a barrage of bullets and runs over Ryan. Sawyer runs up behind the van, tells Hurley to stay put, and grabs the gun that Ryan helpfully dropped. As the random Other that was guarding the men goes to investigate, Sayid takes care of him by tripping him and snapping his neck with his ankles! Holy Falafel! That was some move! Jin, Bernard, and Sawyer realize they are nothing compared to this man among men. Sawyer shakes it off and goes to help Juliet pin down Tom, the only Other left. When Juliet grabs his gun and Sawyer aims at his head, Tom surrenders. The new, improved, angry Sawyer (who has to prove he is at least half as manly as Sayid) shoots him anyway, "That's for taking the kid off the raft." Tom looks shocked before he dies. Man, Sawyer holds a grudge like a girl. Hurley comes out of the van and stares at Tom, "Dude, it was over. He surrendered." Steely-eyed Sawyer replies that he didn't believe him.
Grizzly Jack is breaking into his hospital's medical supplies of Oxycodone. He pockets a handful and then empties a packet into his mouth. As he stumbles (literally) out of the supply room, he trips on the floor and gets busted by the Chief. Grizzly Jack squawks, "The beard. The beard made me do it!" Okay he actually claims he was just looking at the accident victim's chart because he wanted to find out what happened. The Chief says he left three messages for him, didn't he get them? Grizzly Jack weakly says his phone is broken. The Chief wants to have a talk. In his office. Now. Jack rolls his eyes and says that if he has something to say to him he can say it right there. The Chief sighs, sends some scrub nurse scurrying out of the room, and tells Grizzly Jack that before becoming a doctor he was a security expert at a high-profile Las Vegas casino and he knows everything that goes on in that hospital. He says that the woman from the accident went through surgery and was responsive and seemed fine, but then she described the series of events that caused her accident. That she was driving over a bridge and saw a man standing on the bridge ready to jump. This distracted her and she drove into the median and got hit by a van. The chief continues, "So the obvious question here, Grizzly Jack, is how did you get to that flaming car so fast? What were you doing on that bridge?" Hmm. I would think the obvious question is: what the fuck business is it of yours? Seriously. Grizzly Jack doesn't ask that question, but poses another: "Do you know how many years I have worked at this hospital? Do you have any idea of what I've been through?" The Chief really doesn't care, he is more curious about how many drinks Grizzly Jack has had. Grizzly Jack laughs and twirls down the hallway, "I tell you what? You get my father down here, and if I'm drunker than he is then you can fire me." Then he gets all aggro and mood swingy as druggies are wont to do, "Don't you look at me! Don't you pity me!" The Chief offers that he is just trying to help, but Grizzly Jack yells, "You can't help me!" He starts crying and walks off. Geez, junkies are so sensitive.
The Losties continue their incredibly long hike to the radio tower. Ben is bound and being led up the hill. Jack is still gripping the walkie-talkie when Hurley's voice comes through: "Attention Others! Come in Others! If you are listening to this, I want you to know that we got you bastards! And unless the rest of you want to get blown up, I suggest you stay away from our beach!" Jack stares at the handset and then asks, "Hurley?" Hurley is excited to tell Jack that he came back to the beach to save Juliet and Sawyer and he saved them all! Sawyer is leaning up against the van drinking a beer, but Jack can't see that through his walkie, so Hurley spells it out for him, "I saved them all! Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Bernard, and Sayid. I saved them!" The Losties all start cheering and Jack looks really relieved and a little teary-eyed. Damn quiche eater. He tells Hurley to stay put on the beach because they are almost at the radio tower and it is safer for them there. Hurley says he will stay there until Jack "phones home." Heh. I heart Hurley! And I am so glad that freaking ridiculous van episode wasn't created for the sole purpose of torturing me. Or even if it was that they at least found a good use for it. Claire grabs the handset out of Jack's hand to ask, "What about Charlie? Did he make it back yet?" Hurley says no, but that he is sure they are paddling home right now.
The floor of the Looking Glass is covered in the blood of Mikhail and the Ladies Auxiliary. Charlie is covering the bodies when he tells Desmond that there is diving equipment over there. He tells him to take care of that while he goes to type in "Good Vibrations." He stops Desmond to ask, "Hey, Des, any flashes?" Desmond shakes his head, "No." Charlie smiles, "Good. Then I'll meet you back here then." He walks into the signal room and stares at the key pad for a minute, hums the tune to "Good Vibrations" and types it in without practicing, without testing which tone goes with which number, and without screwing up a single note. Damn! He is a good musician! Or phone dialer. The light goes off and Charlie shrugs, "So much for fate." As he turns to leave he hears a beeping sound and looks to see a light indicating that there is an incoming transmission. Instead of ignoring it and, you know, not tempting fate, Charlie decides to answer the call. Chucklehead. He pushes the button and a fuzzy picture emerges and a voice shouts across the wire, "Hello? Can you hear me?" Charlie replies excitedly, "Yes! I can hear you!" The picture becomes clearer and we see that it is Penny. She asks who he is, and Charlie explains that he is a survivor of Oceanic Flight 815 and that they're on an Island, but he can't tell her where the Island is. He asks who she is and she replies, "I'm Penelope." Charlie, displaying more brainpower than I previously thought him capable of, puts two and two together and shouts for Desmond. Penny hears and gets all excited. Charlie says that Desmond is there and he's fine and everything. Then he asks if Penny is on her boat. She asks, "What boat?" Charlie replies, "You know your boat? Eighty miles off shore? With Naomi?" Penny is confused, "Who's Naomi?"
As Charlie lets this realization sink in, Desmond is hurrying back to the signal room when he notices that Mikhail is gone. Desmond starts running towards Charlie, but Charlie has already figured out that Mikhail is not where he is supposed to be since Mikhail is outside the station, tapping on the window. With a grenade. Charlie realizes what is about to happen, but instead of running out of the room and slamming the door behind him, he stays in the room, locks himself in, and stands there while Mikhail detonates the grenade, shattering the window, and quickly filling the room with water. Instead of just writing chucklehead, chucklehead, chucklehead, I'm going to assume that Charlie was too panicked to think straight and opted to sacrifice himself to save Desmond. It seems sweeter, sadder, and less idiotic that way. As the room fills with water, Desmond pounds on the window with a fire extinguisher trying to break the glass. Charlie manages to keep his wits about him enough to write on his hand (with a Sharpie, of course!) the incredibly important fact that it is "Not Penny's Boat." He slams his hand against the window and Desmond gets the message. Desmond tears up as Charlie makes sure he understands. He floats away from the window and crosses himself as he crosses over to the great unknown. On land, Aaron cries as Charlie dies. Claire tries to comfort him, but when Naomi asks what's wrong, Claire says that Aaron is just scared. Naomi says she doesn't blame him. Just then her phone chirps and she pulls it out to read that the Channel is Open. She asks Claire, "What's your boyfriend's name?" Claire looks confused so Naomi clarifies, "The rock star who swam down to the station?" Claire is all, "Oh that boyfriend! Charlie. Why?" Naomi answers, "Because he just got us rescued." So Charlie's great sacrifice was worth it. I'm sure Desmond will sleep easier knowing that.
Naomi runs past the hikers to tell Jack the news that Charlie did it and the phone signal is clear. Jack says great, get those fingers dialing, so Naomi pushes a few buttons and tries to get a line through. Unfortunately, Rousseau's signal plays out and they realize it's still blocking the channel. Rousseau says it doesn't matter because they are finally there. They climb the last hill, reach the radio tower, and enter the equipment room. Rousseau's message repeats on and on and Rousseau tells Alex that she recorded the message sixteen years ago, three days before she was born. She pulls the plug saying that that they don't need it any more. Naomi tries her phone again, but can't get a signal inside the tower. They head outside and she walks around waving her phone trying to get a good signal. Good grief, where is that Verizon guy when you need him? The Losties are getting excited as Naomi gets stronger and stronger reception. Kate exclaims, "This is it! We're going to get off this Island!" Uh, Kate? What the heck are you so excited about? Aren't you, like, bound for prison stripes? Jack says he will celebrate when they are actually home. Ben, tied to a tree like a misbehaving dog, tries to warn them against making the call. He knows that Jack is just trying to save his people, but he doesn't know what he is doing. It's a mistake. Jack replies that the only mistake was listening to him. Ben yells, "Making that call is the beginning of the end!" Just then Naomi shrieks, "I've got it!" She makes the call. Ben pleads, "Please, you don't know what you are doing!" Jack says he knows exactly what he is doing.
Naomi is dialing when she makes a woofing sound and slumps forward with a knife in her back. Everyone is too stunned to move, and then we see Locke in the woods. Crazy old coot that he is, he just killed their chances of getting off the Island. As Jack runs forward to see if Naomi is really dead, Locke tells him to step back. He has a gun aimed at his head. Jack turns to him, "What did you do?" Locke says simply, "What I had to." The phone is lying in the grass and Jack heads for it. Locke tells him to stay away from the phone and to really make his point clear he fires off a warning shot into the grass to the phone. Jack ignores him and picks it up. Locke says he doesn't want to shoot him, but Ben is shouting, "Shoot him! Shoot him!" Locke instead shoots Ben. A look. He shoots him a look that says, "Shut the fuck up dude, you just shot me and left me for dead. I am SO not listening to you." Ben continues yelling until Rousseau knocks him unconscious with an elbow to the jaw. Alex is impressed with her badass mother. The phone is ringing in Jack's hand, and Locke tells him to drop the phone. Jack refuses, "No. You're done keeping me on this Island." Locke pulls the trigger back and says, "I will kill you. If I have to." Jack tells him to go ahead, and Kate tries to talk some sense into him. Locke keeps the gun trained on him, but finally relents. He lowers the gun and looks chagrined, "Jack, you're not supposed to do this." Just then someone finally picks up the phone. Locke walks back into the woods as the guy on the phone says hello and Jack puts the headset to his ear and asks whom he is talking to. The guy on the phone wants to know who he is talking to. Good lord that could go on all night! Jack caves and says his name and asks if he is on the freighter and that Naomi told them about the rescue team. The guy is happy that they found Naomi and wants to know where she is and who Jack is. Jack explains that they are the survivors of Oceanic 815. He asks if they can get a fix on their location. The guy responds, "Hell yeah we can. Sit tight we'll be right there." The Losties are smiling and beside themselves with glee and disbelief. And Ben? Well, not so much.
Grizzly Jack is slumped on the floor of an apartment carpeted entirely in maps, atlases, compasses, and crap cognac bottles. Fire your decorator! He has a cell phone and he is about to drunk dial. And even though I just recommended firing your decorator, don't do it while you are completely blotto. In fact: Drunk Dialing: Don't Do It!!! Seriously, Gentle Readers, if there is only one thing you take away from this incredibly long recap let it be this: Do Not Drunk Dial. Do Not Let Your Friends Drunk Dial. Only bad things can happen. Learn from my mistakes. Grizzly Jack totally ignores my advice. He dials and says, "Hello, it's me. Wait. Wait. Please don't hang up. I know what you said, but I need to see you. Please. Yeah, I'll be at the airport. You know where. Thank you." Any time you have to start a phone call with "Please don't hang up," andyou're three sheets to the wind, just hang up the phone and deny, deny, deny that you ever made a call. Get a new phone. Get a new number. Just don't admit it was you.
Grizzly Jack continues to ignore my advice (probably because I made fun of his beard, Mr. Sensitive) and he drives his Jeep to the runway outside the airport fence and waits. A car drives up behind him. He stumbles out and waits for the driver to come out of the darkness. The shadows part and Kate, a clean, glowy, Breck girl of a Kate, emerges. She sizes him up and smiles at him, "Hey, I saw you on the news. Still pulling people out of burning wreckage?" He sort of laughs and mumbles something about old habits. She says, "You look terrible." He laughs. She asks, "Why did you call me, [Grizzly] Jack?" He pulls the Mystery Snippet out of his pocket and hands it to her. As she reads it he says, "I was hoping that you'd heard and maybe you'd go to the funeral." She looks confused, "Why would I go to the funeral?" Grizzly Jack realizes he was wrong and changes the subject, "I've been flying a lot. You know the Golden Pass that they gave us? I've been using it. Every Friday night I fly from Tokyo or Singapore or Sydney." He laughs. "Then I get off, have a drink, and then I fly home." Kate asks, "Why?" Jack snerks, "Because I want it to crash, Kate. I don't care about anyone else on board. Every little bump we hit or turbulence...I actually close my eyes and I pray that I can get back." Kate looks upset, "This is not going to change." Jack says he is sick of lying. Kate is crying. Jack continues, "We made a mistake." Kate has tears streaming down her face but says, "I have to go. He's going to be wondering where I am." Jack grabs her and pulls her close like a drunken uncle talking about the WTC conspiracy, "We were not supposed to leave." Kate pulls back, "Yes, we were. Goodbye, [Grizzly] Jack." She turns to leave and he yells after her, "We have to go back Kate!" She gets in her car and drives off, leaving him there still yelling, "We have to go back, Kate. We have to go back!" And I know I've used this line before, but, seriously, can someone tell me whether mindfuck has a hyphen? 'Cause I really need to know.