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Jack is back, and he has a big big plan to put a stop to the Others' reign of tyranny. And how does he spell Other-squashing success? T-N-T. Yes, he is going to blow them away! He and Juliet have been working in cahoots with Rousseau to collect dynamite from the Black Rock. They are going to rig the tents, and when the Others come to take the fornicatin' ladies, they are going to get a big surprise. Yee-haw! The brilliant plan is shot all to hell when Carl shows up and announces that Ben (evidently still tippling on the enticing cocktail of testosterone and adrenaline hard-won in his duel with Locke) has moved up the attack to that very night. Since the exploding-tent stunt isn't quite ready for its stage debut, Jack decides that their best bet at survival is to divide and conquer; they will blow up a few tents while the rest of the Losties head to the radio tower in the hopes of signaling Naomi's ship. In order for the signal to get through, though, someone will have to dive into the deep, flip a switch in the sunken Looking Glass station, and kill the Others' signal-jamming doohickey. And who is that someone? Oh, why not the guy who has been avidly avoiding and outwitting death for the entire season? Yes, I'm talking about Charlie. Desmond has foreseen Charlie's death. Again. This time, though, if Charlie fails to perish, the rest of the Losties will be stuck on the Island forever. It is time for him to *ahem* cowboy up and make the ultimate sacrifice. He says his goodbyes, kisses Claire (!), hugs Hurley (!!), and batters Desmond into unconsciousness (finally!!!) before taking a big deep breath and diving to his destiny. Destiny, however, has been tuned to a different channel than Desmond. When Charlie reaches the underwater station, he still has his breath, only to have it taken away by the foxy gun-toting babes living in the station.
And just for you doubters and conspiracy theorists out there -- Rose, Bernard, and Vincent are alive, argumentative, and ready for their walks. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Desmond has a flashback about Charlie. Again. Then, a lone boy hurriedly pulls at a pile of branches and palm fronds revealing an outrigger hidden below. He pulls the canoe out of its hiding place, tugs it into the water, and jumps in. He begins to paddle furiously.
Jack and Juliet are leading all the Losties on a nature walk through the jungle and out into the meadows in the center of the Island. Charlie brings up the end of the group and, in true back-of-the-bus rapscallion style, starts smartassing. He wants to lay bets on what Jack is going to show them out in the middle of nowhere. Hurley opines that it is "Stuff. Probably secret stuff." Secret Stuff that they mailed away for once they had all five box tops from their Dharma Initiative Brand Oat Rings? Charlie wants to know why everything has to be a secret. Can't they try some openness for a change? Hurley scoffs and notes that they kept the parachute lady secret. Charlie claims it's different. Claire laughs, "How?" And Charlie tries to explain that it's different because they were out there playing football or something but no one is listening and they all walk off except Desmond who has a queer look on his face. Charlie asks him what's up, but Desmond denies anything. Charlie knows that look, though. He knows that Desmond had another flash about him. Desmond denies it and walks off, and Charlie stares after him in disbelief. Further discussion is cut off when Jack announces that they are there. He gathers the troops around and begins his entry in the Art of Communication competition. He explains that a few days ago Juliet came to him and told him what Ben was making her do. That she had been planted there to find out which of "our women" were pregnant. At the phrase "our women," Gloria Steinem, Betty Friedan, and Shulamith Firestone tear out of the jungle, tackle Jack, and drag him off into the woods. He returns a moment later with a swollen mouth, torn shirt, and a whole new outlook on the role of women in society. Kate turns on Juliet and demands to know if she was testing them. Juliet says no, but she was supposed to be testing them. How exactly do you surreptitiously test someone for pregnancy? Do you just ask them to pee on a stick like it ain't no thing? Or do you sneak up behind them while they are mid-stream so to speak, whistle "Oh don't mind me," and just go for it? Well, we will never know because Juliet was not fulfilling Ben's request. Instead she was leaving him tapes and reporting on Sun. She confirms what they already know: Ben and the Others are planning on coming tomorrow to collect the pregnant women. Juliet turns to Sun and apologizes for deceiving her. Sun stares at her coolly, but says nothing.
Sayid (Sayid!) announces that while he is thrilled with their honesty and Jack's brave display of communication, it really does not address why they dragged them out into the middle of nowhere. Jack sighs in the face of Sayid's brilliance and turns to the woods and yells, "Danielle!" Danielle Rousseau comes out of the woods, juts out her hip, and strikes a pose like the bad Otherfucker that she is. Jack instructs her to, "Show 'em." Rousseau uncovers what looks like a car battery, grabs two wires, touches them together, and blows up a tree. Scaring the frijoles out of the Losties and rousting out a bunch of irate Earth Firsters who attempt to drag her away, but she stops them in their tracks with her overt bad-assness. They take one look at her, slink away, climb up some trees, whip out pens, and draft angry letters to their Congressmen.
Jack explains that when Juliet told him the Others were coming his first thought was, "Where the hell are we going to hide this time? But hiding is pointless because they are just going to keep coming." So instead of hiding, he decided to get help instead. And I for one am really glad, because he really could use someone to talk to about his father issues, his reluctant leadership, and his failed marriage. Maybe a nice small dose of Paxil could help, too, nothing dramatic but just enough to help him sleep easily. Oh, wait. I guess that's not what he was referring to. Maybe time? Instead of professional help, Jack has turned to Rousseau. Apparently she has come out of her shell, her sixteen years of isolationism, her distrust of everyone, and her complete nutjobiness and has decided to help save the Losties. To that end, she has been bringing back dynamite from the Black Rock. Jack continues, "For the very first time we know exactly what they want and when they are going to come get it. And they have no idea. We are going to be waiting for them. Juliet is going to mark the tents just like she was told to. But there won't be any pregnant women inside. There will be plenty of what we just used on that tree. Tomorrow night we are going to stop running, stop hiding, stop living in fear. 'Cause when they show up, we are going to blow them all to hell." Yay! Jack explained everything! Well, almost. What he does not explain is why he dragged everyone out in the jungle to show them this instead of just telling them on the beach. He also does not explain why they felt the need to blow up a perfectly innocent tree in an explosion that could not only alert the Others to their plans but could damage the fragile Island ecosystem. Haven't they been watching Planet Earth?
Charlie is all wet. He is outside of a van full of wankers trying to fix a flat tire in the pouring rain. I know they're wankers because they are still inside the van while letting wee little Charlie do all the work. As the camera pulls back, we see that he has his wanker brother, Liam, with him. Charlie is irritated and completely soaked and can't figure out why they are bothering. Nothing like fixing a flat to bring on an existential crisis! Liam tries to rally his spirits by pointing out that they are headlining. Charlie tries to further his crise by pointing out that they are playing in fill-in-the-blank crap English town. Liam says they are building their fan base, but Charlie can't help but note that a fan base won't buy them a new tire. Liam tells him not to give up and Charlie announces that he quits because there is nothing to give up. Then there is something to give up, because their song is playing on the radio. Liam picks Charlie up and swings him around while Charlie shouts, "Take back! Take back! I totally didn't quit!" On the beach Charlie writes "#5: The first time I heard myself on the radio" on a piece of paper. Just in case you were wondering, he is writing with a Sharpie, so don't worry, even after being on a desert island for three months, he has not lost his punk rock edginess and settled for pencil or, shudder, ballpoint. He has standards. Naomi interrupts his list writing. She wants to know whom they are going to war with, which seems reasonable enough. Charlie says, "It's complicated." I stab myself in the eye with a Sharpie while Charlie tells Naomi she can ask something else. She stares at him and asks if he's having a laugh; he smiles and says he would never kid anyone from Manchester. She can't believe he's from there, and he smiles and says he is and that his band got its start at the Night and Day bar there. She wants to know what band, cough starfucker cough. He says he was in Driveshaft and Naomi says she totally knows them and asks if she can sell their t-shirts on their tour and does he want a back rub? Charlie giggles and says, "Yeah we had our moment in the sun." Naomi then exclaims, "You're the dead rock star! They made a huge deal out of it when you crashed." Charlie keeps giggling while Naomi continues about the memorial service and the new Greatest Hits album. Desmond watches Charlie with Naomi and Charlie catches him staring at him with that humbly concerned sweet Jesus look on his face. Impending death totally ruins the mood, and Charlie starts to look despondent. Naomi catches the look and adds, "Look on the bright side, you're not really dead are you?" Actually, Naomi, it's complicated.
Juliet is carefully lowering a stick of dynamite onto a stack. She is holding her breath until the stick is in place. Just when we think she's going to go Arzt, she drops it and takes a deep breath. Rousseau says that they need more wire in order to ignite the dynamite from a safe distance. Jack says he'll get people to start stripping the plane wreckage. They haven't stripped that thing and boiled the bones yet? Huh. Rousseau says that she will keep working so that they will be all ready for tomorrow night. As he leaves the tent, Sayid waylays him saying that they need to talk about Naomi's phone. He knows Jack is mad, and Sayid is all prepared to make sincere apologies later, but he needs to talk. Jack tries to brush him off saying he is busy, but Sayid won't take no for an answer and angrily shouts that he is trying to get them off the Island. Jack stops and turns towards Sayid. Rousseau and Juliet come join the conversation as Sayid explains that Danielle's distress signal is blocking the use of Naomi's phone. Rousseau tries to control a smirk and says, "My signal has been playing for the last sixteen years and no one has heard it. Why would they hear yours?" Sayid points out that Naomi's boat is only 80 miles offshore so if Rousseau will just tell him where the radio tower is he will hike up there and fix the problem. Juliet interjects to say that it won't work because Ben is using one of the Dharma stations to block all signals off the Island except theirs. Sayid wants to know what station, but Juliet only knows it's called the Looking Glass and that it is somewhere underwater. Sayid thinks he might know where.
Claire and Charlie are in her tent while she is wrapping Aaron. Claire is telling Charlie that she knows that supposedly the Others are coming for the pregnant women, but what if really they are coming for Aaron again? Way to make it all about you, Claire! Charlie is taking this narcissistic rant seriously. He sits up straight in the cot, turns to Claire, stares her in the face, and says, "I'm going to protect you. I'm going to protect Aaron. Everything is going to be fine." Claire looks vaguely reassured although I'm sure she'd believe it more if someone like Sayid were saying it. Seriously, who would you want as your protector? An ex Iraqi military bad ass or a midget junkie? Desmond interrupts and asks Charlie to give him a hand. Charlie agrees, gives Claire's shoulder a firm squeeze, and leaves with Desmond. As they walk down the beach Charlie asks if Desmond is ready to tell him what sort of imminent doom he saw this morning? Desmond is playing coy, though, and Charlie has to pester him to tell him what happens this time. C'mon, Des, stop playing games, tell Charlie what you saw. You know you want to since you pulled him out of the damn tent two seconds ago. Just tell him already! Desmond finally has been cajoled enough and spills, "What I saw, Charlie, was Claire and her baby getting in a helicopter. A helicopter that lifts off and leaves this Island." Charlie can't believe it, but Desmond assures him that is what he saw. Charlie is completely relieved, because he thought Desmond was going to tell him he was going to die again. Desmond smiles beatifically and says, "You are." Charlie spit takes, "What?" Desmond explains, "If you don't, none of that will happen. There won't be any rescue. I'm sorry, but this time you have to die."
In the '70s, in England, a young Charlie is standing on the side of a public swimming pool refusing to jump in. I am totally with you, kiddo, those things are one step above petrie dishes. A man who is putatively Charlie's father is trying to talk him into jumping. "C'mon Charlie, jump in. I'll catch you, boy, I promise." Charlie refuses and his dad tries again, "Charlie, don't be daft, I'm going to catch you." An older boy jumps around in the pool and shouts, "No he won't." In a brilliant display of fathering, the dad shoves the kid underwater and yells, "Zip it you!" He then turns back to Charlie, "Don't listen to your brother. There is nothing to be afraid of. I'll catch you I promise." Charlie shuffles to the edge and jumps in. His dad doesn't catch him so much as let him fall into the pool and pull him up before he drowns. Charlie is very excited by this and his shouts, "I did it!" On the Island, he adds the moment to the list of magical life events. Desmond (who Charlie insists on palling around with because harbingers of doom make great drinking buddies) is sitting right to him and asks him what he is writing down. Charlie won't say but instead asks about the moment of his death. Desmond gives him the deets: he's in a hatch, there's a blinking yellow light, he throws a switch, light goes off, and then he drowns. Charlie nods his head and asks when, but Desmond doesn't know. Charlie asks, "You sure you saw Claire and Aaron get on that helicopter?" Desmond nods. Charlie continues, "So before I drown, I just have to flip a switch?" Desmond says that's right. Charlie looks thoughtful, and then asks, "So, where is it then?"
Sayid, Jack, and Juliet are on the beach deciding how to get to the Looking Glass hatch. Sayid helpfully (albeit somewhat inexplicably) has the blueprints for the Looking Glass station. I'm not asking how, I'm just accepting it. He explains that the Looking Glass is an underwater Dharma station where people ride seahorses and jellyfish are their friends. He turns to Juliet and asks her to please tell him anything she knows that might help, but Juliet doesn't know anything because she never went there and she doesn't know anyone who did. She's not sure why, but Ben said there was an accident and a station was entirely flooded. Jack doesn't understand how it is still operable if it is sunken, but Sayid (being a genius!) points out that how it is still working doesn't matter, since they actually want it to not work. Sayid points at the blueprints that show how the station is connected to the Island. He is sure this is the same cable that runs down the beach. He shows Jack how there is a docking station on the bottom of the hatch for a submarine. He can swim down there, enter the station, and even if it is flooded, he can find the switch and flip it. Jack stops him, "How about swimming back out?" Sayid has been working with Desmond to master the beatific facial expression. He glows his self-sacrifice at Jack, but Jack won't hear it, "I'm not letting you go on some suicide mission just to flip a switch." Sayid argues that without that flip of a switch they will never get off the Island. Just then, Charlie and Desmond barge into the meeting and Charlie volunteers for duty. "Swim down, flip a switch, swim back up, piece of cake," but Jack brushes him off, "You don't even know what we're talking about, Charlie." Charlie won't take no for an answer so he snaps, "I was junior swim champion of Northern England, Jack. I can hold my breath for four and a half minutes. I know exactly what you're talking about." Charlie finishes his speech and glances sidelong at Desmond. Jack says no. He doesn't see any point in discussing this right now when they should all be focusing on blowing up the Others! Sayid argues that they have a chance to be rescued, but Jack whips out his high horse and proclaims, "For ninety days I've been asked to make decisions for this camp. There you go. I just made one." Charlie and Desmond swap glances and try to decide what to do now. And, no, I don't know how Jack keeps a high horse in his pocket. Unless his pocket is a magic box?
Some unrecognizable Losties carry part of the airplane wreckage towards the beach. Oh my god, it is Rose and Bernard. They're alive! And arguing about knot-tying! Bernard is instructing Rose that she is making a sailor's hitch when she should be making a sheep's hitch like his. Rose rolls her eyes, "So you're a knot expert now?" She then reaches for his knot and unties it in a millisecond, crushing his ego as collateral damage. She then adds insult to injury by revealing that her knot is holding tight. That's some marriage, guys! Too bad Libby died before she got you two on the couch for some couples counseling. Bernard asks her how she did that and she smiles, "Watch and learn." Speaking of couples counseling, Sun is busily tearing apart wires when Jin turns to her and asks when she is going to tell him. Sun stops what she is doing and looks worried. Jin says that he heard Juliet say their name on the tape and he saw everyone turn to stare at her. So when is she going to tell him they said? Seriously, the man has patience. I would have been jumping up and down and pestering her like a begging Chihuahua until I got answers. Jin asks if it has something to do with the pregnancy. Sun says that she saw their baby. Jin looks concerned, but she tells him that Juliet took her to a medical station and gave her an ultrasound and the baby is healthy. He envelopes her in a huge hug fest.
Hurley is puttering around the tents when he notices a small boat landing on the beach. He sends up the alarm and Sayid leads the team in pursuit of the intruder. As the boater gets out of his outrigger, Sayid tackles him to the ground. Sawyer is right after him and yells at Sayid to get off. Sawyer knows this guy because he was in the cage to him. Sawyer pulls Carl upright and asks him what he's doing there. Carl yells, "They're coming! My people! They're coming!" Sawyer gracefully refrains from Paul Revere references and apologizes that Carl came all that way to tell them what they already knew. Carl doesn't believe it, "if you know, what are you all still doing here?" Sawyer tries to call him down, "When they come tomorrow, we will be ready for them." Carl stares at them in horror, "No! They are coming tonight!" No one reacts (probably because they couldn't hear him over the Very Dramatic Music) so Carl screams, "They are coming right now!" Geez, kid, no need to shout.
Six hours ago, the Others were happily sitting around camp dismembering animals, as they are wont to do what with being evil and all. Alex is hacking up a bunny or something when her dad, Ben, storms back into camp. He marches right past her when she yells, "Hey!" Ben stops, turns on his heel, and glares at her. She asks when he got back. He says he just got back. She asks where Locke is, and he angrily shoves her gun at her. He leaves her looking stunned and marches off. Richard, a.k.a. Mr. Eyeliner, runs up to Ben and asks what is going on. Ben wants to know where Ryan is, because it is time to get them. Mr. Eyeliner tries to calm him down by offering him a Triple B Special. That's a back rub, a BJ, and a beer, in case you were wondering. He bats his eyelashes, leans in close, and quietly whispers in Ben's ear that they aren't supposed to go until tomorrow. Ben states that Jacob wants it to happen now. Mr. Eyeliner asks after Locke, and Ben says he had an accident. Before Mr. Eyeliner can ask anything else, Ben shoves past him looking for Ryan. He comes up to a tent occupied by an oversized ex-Marine looking dude and asks, "If you leave right now, how long will it take to get there?" Ryan stands up and appears to be wearing full combat gear. He says if he takes his ten best men they should be able to be there by nightfall. Ben tells him to get going. Mr. Eyeliner has brushed off his crushed feelings and followed Ben to Ryan's tent. He points out that if they move up the schedule, Juliet may not be ready. Ben snaps that they should just take all the women, then. They can sort out the ones they need later. Everyone looks a bit shocked by the newer, angrier Ben. Ryan inquires, "And the men?" Ben snarls, "If any of them are stupid enough to get in your way then kill them." Everyone stares at Ben, but they set about doing what he's asked. I'll say it again: That is one bad shrimp.
As soon as she has the chance, Alex sets out running through the jungle. As she approaches her destination she starts yelling for Carl. He comes out of a hiding place, smiles at her, and asks if she brought him his rabbit. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Alex says he has to go. Now. He asks if Ben found out he was out there. She says no, but that Ben is sending Price to the beach camp right now. He has to warn the Losties. He protests that they were just going to take the pregnant women, which apparently was A-okay in his book. Alex yells that Ben is going to kill them! Since Austen and Ford saved Carl's life he doesn't really have a choice. He has to go. Alex hands him the gun. As he takes it, Carl points out that if he gets caught, her father will kill him. Alex ignores this point and instead asks if he really is her father. Carl shoots her a look that clearly says "I'm risking death and you're questioning your paternity? Seriously?" Alex stops any further looks by wrapping her arms around him and kissing him on the mouth, and since he is a teenage boy this is enough to quell any further questions. She tells him to go and he runs for the canoe. Carl, I have one word for you: Whipped!
Carl stands on the beach surrounded by the Losties. Jack asks if that is the whole story. Carl nods. Jack asks Kate if she trusts him. She shrugs her shoulders and Carl takes great offense. "You don't trust me? Me? What about her?" He wheels around and points at Juliet. "She's a spy! She's supposed to mark the tents of the pregnant women with white rocks so they can take them!" Juliet rolls her eyes, "They know, Carl, but thanks." Oh my god, Juliet was almost funny! The Losties debate about what to do now. Jack paces up and down while Sun suggests that they hide. Bernard says there is no point in hiding because it's Their Island and if they want to kill them they will find them. Ah, that's the positive attitude we're looking for! Glad you're back, Bernard! Jack continues pacing. He asks Rousseau if they have enough wire yet to blow up the tents from a safe distance. She says no, it would be too close. Jack wishes he had some other way to set off the dynamite. Sayid pipes in and suggests that they shoot. Jack points out that they don't have enough guns to fight an armed platoon. Sayid shakes his head and speaks slowly and loudly so even Jack can understand, "We. Shoot. The. Dynamite. Chucklehead." If they shoot the tents they don't have to wire anything else. Just pile up the dynamite in the tents, hide in the trees, and blammo! Jack likes the idea, but Juliet marked three tents and they don't have enough guns. Carl whips the gun out his pocket and all the Losties duck and cover. Carl looks momentarily embarrassed and hands the gun over to Jack saying they can use it. Rousseau volunteers to stay and shoot, too, but Jack can't deal with ladies who are a better shot than him. Out of the corner of his eye he catches sight of Gloria Steinem glaring at him with a lead pipe in her hands. He swallows hard and tells Rousseau they will take her gun, but she will lead everyone to the radio tower. Claire squawks, "Radio tower?" Jack paces up and down shouting out decisions. He decides that if blowing up the Others doesn't work, they can't risk their chance to be rescued by Naomi's boat. He turns to Charlie, "You still up for a swim?" Charlie looks discomfited, but puts on a brave face, "Yeah, I believe I am." Claire shoots him a questioning look, but Charlie is staring into Desmond's limpid brown eyes. Desmond announces that he will go with Charlie.
Punk rock Charlie is sound asleep and curled up in bed with two hot blondes when his brother barges in and jumps into bed with them and announces that Christmas is here. Liam stops, stares at the bed, and asks if those are the birds from Row 2. Charlie nods and smirks and his brother claps him on the back. Liam gestures at Charlie to get out of bed, and Charlie clambers out of bed to reveal that despite the spiffy red highlights he's sporting, he is a total waste of a rock star because he is still wearing clothes despite having just spent the night with two foxy fangirls. Wazzup, loser? I'm sure Gary Glitter would be willing to share some tips. Charlie and Liam sit on the other side of the room. Liam has woken him up to tell him that Father Christmas lives just down the street. Charlie scoffs, "In Helsinki?" Liam vigorously nods and points out that Helsinki is practically the North Pole. Charlie takes a swig of vodka to try and redeem himself as a rock star. It doesn't work. Liam pronounces that, since they are so close to Father Christmas, he has an extra special treat for Charlie this year. Liam takes a ring off his finger that has the initials DS on it. Charlie stops his punk rock fronting and says, "Liam, no. Mum gave you that. You're first born. It was her father's and his father's before that." Liam nods and adds, "It's a family heirloom and it's why we named the band after Dexter bloody Stratton. I know." Liam wants Charlie to have it because he is a mess. Charlie is different though he's going to get married and have a family. Liam thinks he will be lucky if he hits thirty. He needs to know the ring will be safe. It has to stay in the family. Charlie should pass it down to his little ones someday. Charlie says he will hold onto it, but he won't take it. Charlie puts the ring on his middle finger (of course!) and they toast to it. Charlie adds, "The Christmas Liam gave me the Ring" to the list. He is still wearing the ring and he rubs it gently and looks thoughtful. He walks up the beach to Claire who is packing for the hike to the radio tower. He asks if she needs help and she immediately starts whining and asking why he didn't tell her he was going to dive for the hatch. She's worried it will be dangerous. He considers mentioning that she can't nag him until she puts out, but decides instead to reassure her that he will be fine. He makes her promise that while he's gone she won't worry about him. She agrees. Aaron fusses and Charlie takes him and puts him to bed. Aaron gropes him for a while and Charlie tells him to take care of his Mum and that he loves him. He then turns to Claire. He tells her he will see her soon. She asks him to be careful. Then they kiss. On the lips! Ooh la la! They kiss just once (no tongue) and then smile at each other and Charlie walks off to face his destiny. Okay Claire, you can start nagging now!
Charlie is busking on a street corner playing an Oasis cover when a sudden downpour sends him packing up his guitar and scurrying down a side street. As he hurries down the street he hears a woman's cries for help. He spies a woman being mugged in an alley and he runs in to break it up. He smashes the mugger in the face with his guitar and sends the guy running. As he leans against the wall, panting and explaining that he hadn't been in a fight since he was eight years old the oddly accented woman calls him a hero. Charlie scoffs at that and says he just did what anyone would do. The woman says that three other people walked by the alley, saw her, and did nothing. He's a hero. Charlie adds: "Woman Outside Covent Garden Called me a Hero" to his list. He is sitting on the beach leaning against the boat while Desmond prepares for their trip. He is fussing with something and Charlie asks what it is. Desmond explains that he is making Charlie a weight belt. It should help him descend faster than swimming. He figured since every second counts it can't hurt. Even though the so-called weight belt appears to have only three pounds of sand in it, I suppose it can't hurt. Charlie goes over the plan: He will dive down, release the weight belt, enter the docking station, find the switch, flip it, and save the day. Desmond asks how long he can really hold his breath? Charlie looks at him oddly and asks, "Does it matter?" I can't think of anything glib to say. Harrumph.
Bernard is blowing up cans to impress the boys. After he shoots his third can in a row, he asks Sayid if he should shoot another. Sayid thinks he made his point. Rose warns Bernard that this is not pheasant hunting in Montgomery County. Bernard claims that he knows what he is doing, but Rose strikes him down, "No you don't, pheasants don't shoot back!" Bernard calmly states that he just has to shoot a tent and then he will be right behind her. She announces that she's staying too. Jack interrupts their moment to say, "No you're not, Rose." Dude totally thinks he's the boss of her! He says that everyone is gathering at the south end to hike up to the radio tower and no one is staying behind but the shooters. Rose looks the uppity upstart over, gives him the stank-eye, and says, "Says who? If you can guarantee that nothing will happen to my husband then I will go with you." Jack rebuts, "The only thing I can guarantee is that if we don't kill everyone who lands on the beach in an hour, it won't matter where Bernard is." Rose snorts, "I like you better since you've gotten back, Jack -- you're almost an optimist." Rose takes Bernard by the hand and says, "If you're going to be hiding in the bushes, let's put you in something dark." I think that's a euphemism, but the thought of what that is a euphemism for totally gives me the willies. As Rose and Bernard leave, Jack tells Sayid that they had better head off. Rousseau said it was about a day's walk up there and they should start. Sayid tells Jack that he is not going. Jack should go. Jack argues that it was his plan, which isn't exactly true, but Sayid being Sayid is gracious enough to offer to execute for him. Jack yells that he owes them! Sayid calmly asks, "What are you more concerned with? Killing the Others or getting our people off this Island? This afternoon you said you were our leader. It is time for you to act like one. Lead them to the radio tower, Jack, and then take us all home." Jack seems to accept his fate as Sayid walks off. Oh Sayid! You could talk a nun out of her habit.
Hurley breathlessly runs up to Charlie and Desmond. He yells, "Dude, wait! I just heard what you're doing and I want to help. Everyone else is hiking up to the radio tower and I'm sick of trekking. And explosions. I'm a really good paddler, though." Charlie looks touched, but says that Hurley can't go. When Hurley asks why, Charlie struggles for a reason and ends up saying Hurley can't go because he is too big and won't fit in the boat. Hurley looks really hurt, turns to walk back up the beach, and says, "That's not cool man." Charlie is sorry about hurting his friend's feelings and runs after him and gives him a big old bear hug. Hurley says he didn't want to go on the stupid boat anyway. Charlie says he'll catch up with him later but he shouldn't forget that he loves him. Hurley walks off and Charlie turns back to the boat. Desmond asks if he's ready and Charlie nods. Can I just mention that Desmond is totally misusing his Jesus-like looks? He makes everything seem so righteous and holy that no one can possibly say no. They just nod, smile, and say "thank you, Lord." I'm totally growing long hair and a beard and heading to Vegas.
Jack is running around, making sure everyone has water for their hike when Kate shows up to make awkward small talk, "Here we go again, huh?" Jack uncomfortably smiles and agrees, "Here we go again." Before things get even more awkward, Juliet comes up and Jack asks her if Sayid found the third shooter. Juliet turns and points at Jin who is helping Sun pack the bags. Hurley has returned to camp and asks Claire if she needs any help with Aaron, but she turns him down. She picks up Aaron and tells him they are just going on a little walk and he should hold onto Momma. As Hurley walks away in disappointment, the camera pans down to reveal Charlie's beloved family heirloom lying in Aaron's recently abandoned crib. Aw, he left it for his family and forgot to tell them. As the Losties begin their trek to the tower, we see that Vincent is there! And he's on a leash! Considering how the Others treat animals, it's a good thing they're taking the dog.
Charlie and Desmond have found the cable that connects the Looking Glass station to the Island. In their canoe, they follow it out to the middle of the ocean. The camera is shooting the canoe from underwater and it looks exactly like one of those shots from a nature show that is supposed to reveal how a shark can easily mistake a canoe for the shark equivalent of a bucket of extra-crispy chicken. I keep expecting a Great White to bust out of the water and eat Desmond, but it doesn't happen. Instead we flash to another of Charlie's favorite moments. It's the evening after the plane crash and he's walking around the wreckage and the campfires and when he sees Claire he stops and stares. She is wildly pregnant, wearing a miniskirt and combat boots, and he can't help but to walk up to her. He offers her his blanket because she is warming for two. She giggles at that and he settles down to her. He asks if it's her first plane crash. She laughs again and asks what gave it away. He says he can always spot a newbie. He cheers her up and tells her everything will be okay. He says they are on a beautiful island, they will sleep under the stars, and then the helicopters come and will take them away. She asks, "Do you really think they will come?" He replies, "Yeah. Why wouldn't they?" She smiles. He introduces himself and they smile at each other. On the boat in the middle of the ocean, Charlie adds "The night I met you" to the list. Aw cute!
Just then, Desmond announces that they are there. Charlie folds up the list and asks Desmond to give the list to Claire. He describes it as the five best moments of his sorry excuse for a life. They're all he's got. Desmond looks really sad, leans forward in the boat and tells Charlie he doesn't have to do it. Charlie shakes his head in disbelief, but Desmond continues, "Maybe I keep seeing you die because I'm supposed to take your place." Charlie sadly shakes his head again, "What about your girl? Penny?" Desmond laughs, "What about your girl? Besides I might be luckier than you." Charlie shakes his head no. Desmond gives Charlie the list back and tells him, "Keep your memories to yourself. I'll take it from here." Desmond unties his shoes and prepares to jump in the water in Charlie's place. Charlie doesn't know what to say, but he knows what to do! He knocks Desmond senseless with an oar. As Desmond lies unconscious in the boat it totally looks like one of the apostles had an episode and knocked the crap out of Jesus. Not that Jesus had any crap in him. Er, right? Charlie pulls Desmond into the canoe and tucks the list into Desmond's pocket. He says that they both know that Desmond is not supposed to take his place. He grabs the weights, takes a few deep breaths, tears up a little, and dives off the boat.
Underwater Charlie sees the Looking Glass station below him. It looks just like the underwater alien world in that movie The Abyss. As the weights help him down, he struggles to find the entrance before his breath gives out. He makes it just in time and finds the loading dock of the Looking Glass station. The station is not flooded, and as Charlie pokes his head into the station he finds that there is plenty of air to breathe. He pulls himself up a ladder onto a deck and loudly rejoices the fact that he is still alive. Just then he is surrounded by gun toting uniform-clad Amazonian types who have no qualms about shooting at him. Whoa. That is definitely not Gloria Steinem.