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Even though all the Others think Locke is their special someone, he's too much of a pansy to kill his father and prove it to them. So working off a tip from a friendly, disillusioned Other, Locke travels to Camp Lostaway to try and talk Sawyer into doing his dirty work for him. He accomplishes his mission through lying, trickery, misuse of personal information, and unlawful imprisonment, which makes me think he should consider a career in television journalism. When Sawyer realizes that Locke's dad is the real Sawyer who conned his mother and turned his father into a murdering suicide, he has no choice but to choke the living hell out of him. Not because of the murder/suicide thing, but because Locke's dad made fun of the letter he wrote as a little boy! Die, Evil Man, Die!
Don't know if you noticed, but last week the boys did not invite Jack on their camping trip. Turns out they don't trust him anymore. Know who they do trust? Sayid. So when they sneak the pilot into camp, the only person they tell is Sayid, who uses his mad communication skills to both make the pilot hate him and get the satellite phone to work. Sort of. As Sayid is attempting to fix the phone, Kate traipses up, finds out about the pilot, and faster than a frat boy on a drunk girl, she goes to blab to her boyfriend (no, not the boy she's salami-hiding with, the one she wants to salami-hide with). It turns out Jack and his new girlfriend Juliet are hiding something else entirely. Don't worry, Kate, Locke gave Sawyer some serious ammunition to use against Juliet. There's no way Jack won't toss her over after he finds out she's a mole, right? Did I mention that everyone on the Island might be dead? The fact that they found the wreckage of the plane filled with bodies just keeps coming up and it's really interfering with my enjoyment of the Kate-Sawyer-Jack-Juliet love quadrangle. Come on, writers, priorities! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously, Ben went on and on about his magic box. It started to sound simultaneously dirty and -- wait, it only sounded dirty. Also, Ben believes in the Easter Bunny.
Locke reads a file and mutters to himself to save his breath. No one is going to hear him. Then he burns some files over a trash-can fire, takes a swig of Cisco, gathers up his giant bag of cans, and shovels off in his holey shoes.
Eight days ago Locke found his Bad Dad in a closet in the basement of the Others' compound. He asks Ben what is going on, but Ben just bounces the question back at him, claiming that he's the reason Bad Dad is there. Ben claims that Locke conjured him up, not Ben. As Locke approaches his dad, Ben warns him to be careful about getting too close. Tom is in the closet, too, acting as the muscle, and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a taser as Locke draws near to Bad Dad. Locke is sputtering questions at Ben demanding to know what is going, why did they bring him there, and what is he supposed to do? Ben insists that they didn't bring him there -- Locke did. Locke denies it again and says he is going to ask Bad Dad. He pulls off Bad Dad's gag and is rewarded with a bite to the hand. With a word from Ben, Tom steps up and tasers Bad Dad in the neck. When Bad Dad lets go of Locke's hand, it's bleeding, and Locke looks stunned, like, "Oh my god, my dad really is evil!" Apparently having his kidney stolen and getting shoved out of a window eight stories up didn't get the message across, but the bite! That's evil! Ow. I think I just sprained my eyes from rolling them so hard. As Locke looks bewildered, Bad Dad starts yelling, "Don't you know, John? Don't you know where we are?" Ben rushes Locke out, and Tom shuts the door behind them. As they mosey down the hall, Locke asks Ben what Bad Dad meant. Ben says they don't have time to deal with that right now; they're leaving first thing in the morning. Not to quibble or anything, Ben, but I think there's plenty of time to answer Locke's question. Really. Go ahead. It's a long hallway. No? Fine. But I'm holding a grudge. Locke wants to know where they're going. Ben says they're headed to a new place, but he corrects himself and says it is an old place. Then he asks Locke if he would like to come with them. Yes, of course he would! He loves the Others. Why wouldn't he? They have chicken! Ben informs him that they're holding Kate close by, and maybe Locke would like to say goodbye. Or maybe he'd like to tell her he knows she's a bad person and then leave her to be gassed and abandoned. That's what friends are for!
Kate wakes up with her arms around a shirtless Sawyer. She pulls her arm away, and he wakes up. She says she can't sleep when she's not in her own tent. Sawyer agrees to move over to her tent, but Kate want to be alone. Sawyer offers to walk her home 'cause he has to pee anyway. She and I both point out the romantic nature of that suggestion. Kate jumps out of the tent as Sawyer pulls out his gun --n o, not that one; his real gun -- and walks out of the tent. He spies Hurley and Jin (what else?) lurking outside of a tent. Sawyer asks them what the hell they're doing. They turn around, looking guilty, and Hurley, suave as always, asks him what the hell he's doing. Sawyer says he just came out to take a leak. Hurley says that's what they're doing too. Jin looks confused. Hurley is funny.
Sawyer heads about two feet from his tent. (Isn't there some adage warning against peeing where you sleep? No? Well, there should be.) He hears something in the woods and whips out his gun. No, not that one. Well, actually, both of them. He points his gun and trains it onto... Locke. Who is standing there, um, lurking in the bushes and apparently watching him take a leak. Not at all creepy, dude! Maybe if you get back to the real world, you can get a job as a bathroom attendant. At least then you can watch guys pee and get a fifty-cent tip instead of a gun pointed at your head. Plus you get a spiffy uniform. Locke is unfazed by the enormous gun pointed at him and tells Sawyer to XYZ PDQ. Which ruins my hopes of a dark-of-night romp between Locke, Sawyer, and the bushes. Sawyer zips up and then turns his razor-sharp wit on Locke. He wants to know what the hell he's doing there. Did he get bored blowing shit up and wants to come back and explain why he joined up with the Others? Locke claims he didn't join them -- he infiltrated them. Tomato, tom-ah-toe, Locke! Sawyer scoffs, "You're undercover with the Others? Why don't you give me one reason to believe that?" Locke claims that just a few hours ago he kidnapped Ben and locked him in a trunk with a ball gag in his mouth. He dragged him through the jungle so that Sawyer can kill him. Sawyer is not really interested and rebuffs the offer, telling Locke to kill him himself if he wants him dead so bad. Locke claims he's not a murderer. Sawyer says, "Neither am I." Locke replies, "Except for the man you murdered in Sydney." Sawyer is taken aback. So am I. How the hell do the Others know about the murder at the shrimp shack? It was just Sawyer and the shrimp guy. There were no witnesses! And if there were witnesses, why did the Australian police let Sawyer get on a plane bound for the States? I refuse to believe that the Others are so omniscient or have such mad information-gathering skills. And if Mikhail is such a darn good internet researcher, wouldn't he be working for ASCAP tracking down illegal downloaders or something? As Sawyer looks shocked, Locke explains that the Others have files on all of them. He calls him James, too, so Sawyer knows he's serious, but Sawyer won't give it up, and claims that They have their facts wrong. Locke says he made a mistake coming to Sawyer. He asks him not to tell anyone he was there. He walks off into the woods and Sawyer runs after him after yelling, "Stop!" a few times, to no avail.
Three days ago, Locke was in the Others' campground, helping Cindy the former flight attendant do something to her tent. Everyone is staring at him while he helps her. Cindy says not to mind them, because they're just excited he's there! Locke and I share a look of confusion as Tom comes up and tells Locke that Ben wants him. Hee! As Locke approaches the tent, Ben is listening to Juliet's recorded report on Sun. Ben says that Juliet is gathering information on his former camp mates and determining if any of the women are pregnant. If any of them are, Ben continues, then "we" will go in and take them. Locke looks a bit shocked by this proclamation, but Ben brushes off his skepticism and says this isn't the first time they've done this and no one will get hurt. Aw, cute! Ben really cares! Ben asks Locke to hand him his cane. He stands up and thanks Locke for helping him get back on his feet. He says that a week ago he couldn't feel his toes, but ever since Locke came he's had pins and needles. Oh, young love, with all its pins and needles and butterflies in the stomach! Ben claims this is just the beginning, too! Wait until Locke sees what the Island can really do! Like turn a straight man gay, Ben, you baby boiled shrimp? Ben is not sure that Locke is ready for all the Island's secrets. Locke is still crippled by the memories of who he was before he came to the Island. He is still tormented by his father, which is obviously why he brought Bad Dad to the Island. Locke snorts derisively at the thought that the Magic Box brought Bad Dad there at his behest. Ben gets all pink and irritated and finally admits that the Magic Box is a Metaphor! Then he gets all snippy and says he won't show Locke anything until he is ready. Everyone has to make a gesture of free will and commitment when they come to the Island. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Ben says that Locke has to kill his father before he can see the Island's secrets. Oh, that's what the kids are calling it these days. The camera pans over to Bad Dad, who is tied to a giant phallic symbol in the middle of the campground. Is there a Freudian analyst in the house?
Back at the beach, Charlie is scavenging for food in the canteen. Jack comes over and asks Charlie all about the camping trip that he was totally left out of. Awkward! Charlie hems and haws his way out of the conversation, grabs the food, and heads to the tent. He tells Desmond and Hurley that they have to tell Jack about the pilot. Maybe they should have the doctor look at her giant wound? Desmond says he is fine telling Jack so long as they swear that they trust him after his intensive tour of duty with the Others. He was with Them for ten days, and now he only hangs around with Juliet, the woman who had their friends in cages just days ago. Naomi the pilot is potentially their only way off the Island. Do they really trust Jack? Sadly for Jack, no one is willing to swear to his trustworthiness. Poor Jack; no way is he getting invited to any sleepovers now! Let alone the All-Island Jamboree planned for the season finale! Desmond says to bring him someone they do trust. Hurley goes off looking for the one friend he can always count on: Mr. Giant Jar of Peanut Butter.
When Sawyer chased after Locke, he did not pass Go, he did not collect two hundred dollars, and he did not stop to put his shoes on. No one thinks this is a particularly good situation, but they keep on trekking while Sawyer adds to his collection of ringworm, hookworm, and giant-ass splinters. As Sawyer tiptoes through the underbrush, he asks Locke what else is in the file on him. Locke says that he knows Sawyer's parents died when he was very young, but it doesn't say why his dad killed his mom and then turned the gun on himself. They have his high school transcripts too. Fuck, those things never go away! Okay, I will just tell you now, because apparently it's going to come out eventually: I got a C+ in Drama. I am not theatrical, okay? Geez. Damn permanent record. Sawyer is as happy at the prospect of reviewing his high school transcript as I am. As Locke continues recounting Sawyer's personal information, Sawyer whips out his gun, knocks Locke in the back of the head, and takes him down. He was conned once by Ben and he is not going to be conned again. He pins Locke, grabs his knife, and demands to know why Locke came back for him. Locke says he can't do it -- he can't kill him! As Sawyer gets off him, Locke punches the ground in frustration. Sawyer says they will go get Ben and bring him back to the camp, but that he isn't killing anyone. Locke says he understands, but that Sawyer will change his mind when he hears what he has to say.
Aw, you know who the boys trust? Sayid! Yay, Sayid! When Hurley finds him, Sayid is out in the jungle digging a hole for no apparent reason at all. I guess being on a deserted Island gets pretty darn boring after awhile. Hurley watches him for a second until Sayid gets uncomfortable and turns to look at him. Hurley asks if he can keep a secret. Cut to Hurley bringing Sayid to the tent where the pilot is hidden. He asks Charlie, who's standing guard, if it's true they haven't told Jack, er, jack. Charlie confirms it, and Sayid enters the tent. He and Desmond nod at each other. Sayid introduces himself to the pilot and says, "I understand your helicopter crashed on the island." The pilot replies, "No, I crashed in the water." Um, lady? Is this really the time for semantics? Sayid is gracious enough to ignore this and continue his questioning. He finds out that the pilot's name is Naomi, that she took off from a freighter, and that she is part of a search-and-recovery team. He says that he knows she told his friends that the wreckage of Flight 815 was found, but he wants to know if she meant the partial wreckage? No, she did not! They found the entire plane in a trench near Bali. Camera-equipped robots were sent in, and all the bodies were on board. Sayid smiles and says, "Well, we are obviously not dead." Naomi smiles and replies, "Obviously." A giant Anvil of Foreshadowing smashes through my skylight. Oh well, damn thing leaked like it had the holes in this plot anyway.
Sayid asks who she was looking for if she wasn't looking for them. She was hired by Penelope to search for Desmond. Desmond has a big doofy grin on his face, because he's an ex-monk with a hot rich girlfriend who sent a search-and-rescue mission after him and Sayid isn't. Sayid rolls his eyes and asks if Naomi knew about the Island? She says she was given coordinates in the middle of the ocean and thought she was on a fool's errand -- until three days ago, when she was flying back to the ship, the clouds cleared, and she saw land. At the same time her dials started spinning, she realized she was going down, and she bailed from the 'copter. Sayid, being the smart one who may have learned something from their time with "Henry the Parachuter," turns to Desmond to ask if he actually saw her helicopter. He did not. Sayid turns back to Naomi and says, "I assume you have no means of communicating with that freighter of yours." Naomi looks offended and asks his name again. He says it is Sayid. She replies, "Remind me not to rescue you, Sayid," as she pulls a magic box out of her pants.
Sawyer plunges his bare feet into the creek upstream from where Locke is drinking. Locke won't tell Sawyer what Ben is going to say that will make him want to kill him. He says it is not his place to tell him. Sawyer wants to explain what Locke read in that file. He said that the man in Sydney was a mistake -- he meant to kill someone else. Locke asks whom, but Sawyer changes the subject.
Three days ago. Ben charges into Locke's tent in the middle of the night. He says it's time. Time to kill his Bad Dad! But not before making me blush with all the thinly veiled sexual innuendo. Don't believe me? Read on: As Ben and Locke walk under the stars to the mound where Bad Dad is tied up to the cold hard rock, Ben uses his big wooden cane to help him up the hill. Bad Dad is bound and gagged in front of them as Ben pulls a giant knife out of his pants and hands it to Locke to, um, unsheathe. As Locke grabs hold of the knife and pulls it out of its sheath, he hesitates. Ben says the hesitation he feels is natural. It's the part of him clinging to the idea that Bad Dad had a good explanation for stealing his kidney and throwing him out of an eighth-story window. It's hard, and he should just get it over with quickly. Ben rips Bad Dad's gag out of his mouth, and Bad Dad says there's no way his pathetic son can do it. Locke yells, "Shut up! I just need to think!" Ben tells him not to think, just to do it. Locke notices that all the Others are gathered around to watch. Ben says that as long as Bad Dad is alive, Locke won't be free. Locke has the big knife ready and pointed at Bad Dad's throat, but Locke won't do it. Not even with all the peer pressure. Bad Dad says something taunting and annoying and Ben smashes him into unconsciousness. Ben grabs Locke's hand, wrestles the knife out of his grip, sticks it back in his pants, and turns to speak to the gathered Others. He apologizes to them. He says Locke is not who they thought he was. Everyone stares and looks disappointed. The flight attendant lady grabs the children to protect them from the sight of failure and disappointment. Did I mention that Cooper called Ben "bug-eye"? Did I also mention that I am SO blushing right now?
Locke has led Sawyer to the Black Rock. And we thought the writers had forgotten about it! I'm sure now they will do something with that damn storyline. Right? ... Hello? Is this thing on? Locke says Ben is locked up in the brig. As they enter the enormous ship, the skeletons creep Sawyer out. Locke explains that it was a mid-nineteenth-century slaving ship. Sawyer asks how he knows that, and Locke points to the plaque to the door. Sawyer is about to go through the boxes when a docent rushes up and asks him not to touch the display. Locke explains that it's dynamite. Just then Ben yells out from the brig, and Sawyer is impressed that Locke actually kidnapped him. As Locke unlocks the door, Sawyer reiterates his refusal to kill Ben. Sawyer walks into the brig to gawk at the hooded prisoner. As soon as he enters, Locke slams the door behind him and locks him in. Sawyer is not thrilled about this. He bangs and yells at the door. Ben is yelling too and Sawyer tells him to shut up. He pulls the hood off of Ben to further his point, only to find that it isn't Ben at all, it's Bad Dad. Still bound and gagged. Sawyer has no idea who he is. He doesn't know that Locke has daddy issues the way Jeffrey Dahmer has an eating disorder.
Sayid, once again proving himself to be the only useful person on the Island, manages to fix the satellite phone despite the fact that he has never seen technology so advanced. Hurley, who is supervising the repair job has complete faith in him. As he should. While Sayid tinkers, Hurley asks what he thinks about the fact that they're all supposedly dead. Sayid sagely advises that they work on one problem at a time. Just then he is able to turn the phone on, but unfortunately the channels are scrambled by whatever it is around the Island that always does that. As Sayid is cursing the lousy reception, Kate walks up. She looks at the phone and asks where they found it. Hurley says it came from the luggage, but Kate (revealing that she has at least some brain activity left) does not believe for a second that they just now found a radio in the baggage. After swearing her to secrecy, Sayid tells her what's going on.
On the Black Rock, Rousseau makes her contractually obligated monthly appearance. She wanders on board and in the main cabin comes upon Locke lounging in a terrycloth robe with his feet up, sipping a pina colada, waiting for his turn at shuffleboard, and completely ignoring the shouts from the brig. Locke says hello to Rousseau and casually asks what bring her to the Black Rock. She can barely hear him over Sawyer's yelling, but answers that she came for the explosives. She asks what brought Lock there; he ignores the question and helpfully points her towards the crates marked "Explosives" in really big letters. She thanks him for the pointing out the bleeding obvious. As she picks up a crate, he warns her to be careful, because the explosives are unstable. You know, if I were in a room with Locke and Rousseau, I'm not sure I'd be calling the dynamite out as the unstable item. Seriously. Pot, meet kettle, and... other kettle. Rousseau takes her dynamite and leaves. Obviously she doesn't want to get involved with whatever sort of crazy Locke has going on. Oblivious to any of this drama, Sawyer continues to yell bloody murder.
A few days ago. Locke unwraps the bandage on his hand, revealing that Bad Dad's bite mark has healed. Locke sits down on to the hill overlooking the Others' camp. Richard comes up behind him and, using some cornball line about the lovely view, introduces himself to Locke. At least he's bothering with an introduction. Richard settles down to him and says that Ben was trying to embarrass Locke. He knew Locke wouldn't be able to kill his own father, so he gathered everyone around to watch him fail. Richard explains that when they heard someone on the Island had been healed of a broken spine, they got all excited, because that could only happen to someone who was extremelyspecial. Ben doesn't want anyone to think Locke is special. Locke can't figure out why Richard is telling him this. 'Cause he's trying to get into your pants, Locke! Der. Richard offers to give Locke a backrub. Locke demurs. Richard explains that Ben has been wasting their time with novelties like fertility problems. Fertility problems are a novelty? Try telling that to the nine women who died, Dick. They need someone special because they need to be reminded that they're here for more important reasons. Locke asks what they want from him. Richard wants a hug. Just as friends! When Locke turns him down, he says that he wants Locke to find his purpose, but in order to do that, Locke's father will have to die. Since Locke can't do it, Richard wants to recommend someone else for the job. He hands Locke a red folder. The folder has a typed label and the papers inside are neatly organized and two-hole-punched. Do you think the Others carry their two-hole punch with them all over the Island, just in case they come across some new information on one of the Losties that needs to be immediately filed in chronological order? Do they carry all their office supplies with them? Maybe there's a special computer command like "Enter 77" that requisitions an emergency pallet drop of paperclips, number-two pencils, Rollerball pens, highlighters, and legal pads. Maybe the Dharma Initiative was bought by Staples! Anyway. Richard gives Locke a peck on the head as he tells him to keep reading to find out why Sawyer would want to kill his dad. Locke totally wipes the kiss off.
Bad Dad is grunting and squealing so much that Sawyer begrudgingly takes the gag out of his mouth, but tells him to keep quiet. Sawyer draws his weapon and points it at the door. He tells Locke that he has three seconds to open the door or he is going to start shooting. Locke scoffs and says that Sawyer isn't going to shoot anyone, since he obviously has no bullets for the gun. Bad Dad laughs that he didn't raise no fool. Hmm. I thought he was Bad Dad because he didn't raise him at all! Sawyer looks confused and asks Bad Dad what he means. Bad Dad explains that the bald-headed bastard out there is his son. Sawyer is perplexed, and demands to know how Bad Dad ended up on the Island. Bad Dad laughs, "You sure it's an Island?" Sawyer stares at him, and Bad Dad sighs and explains that he was in a car accident in Tallahassee, he got shoved into an ambulance, a paramedic smiled at him when he shoved the IV into his arm, and then... nothing. He woke up in a room with a gag in his mouth. Door opens, and the man he threw out an eight-story window is staring at him. That's right: his dead son, John Locke, was standing there staring at him.
Sawyer has his brow furrowed in confusion and consternation. He asks, "Locke is dead because you threw him out a window?" Bad Dad says that he didn't die from being thrown out a window; he died when his plane crashed in the middle of the Pacific. Sawyer looks relieved. He says he was on that plane too, and he's not dead. Bad Dad fills him in on the fact that they found the plane's wreckage and all the bodies. Sawyer refuses to believe that he's dead, because he's standing on an Island. Bad Dad asks again if Sawyer is sure it's an Island. Sawyer punts by asking, if it's not an Island, what is it? Bad Dad laughs that it's a little hot for heaven. Sawyer rolls his eyes, but Bad Dad says, "One minute I'm in a car wreck, the I'm in a pirate ship in the middle of the jungle. If it's not hell, friend, where are we?" I think that was supposed to mirror Charlie's line from the first episode ever, but I don't really have the energy to parse it out, because during the last five minutes of the show, I have wandered over to my bedroom and slammed the closet door on my head about twelve times. Sawyer can't wrap his head around the whole "we're all dead" thing either, so he decides to change the subject. He wants to know why Bad Dad threw Locke out a window. Bad Dad explains that Locke was becoming a nuisance. He had conned Locke into giving him a kidney, and Locke never got over it. At the mention of a con, Sawyer starts to get suspicious. He demands to know Bad Dad's name. Bad Dad laughs, "A con man has many names." Sawyer rolls his eyes in a preachin'-to-the-choir sort of way. Bad Dad reels off a laundry list of names he has used. "Tom Sawyer" is among them. That's when Sawyer gets it. Because Sawyer is his name, too!
Locke wakes up in the middle of a field with people moving, packing, and generally making a lot of noise all around him. Boy, those come-ons must have been exhausting! As he watches the Others packing their tents, he realizes they're moving again. When he figures out that no one is bringing him coffee in bed, he gets up and asks Ben where they're going. Ben says he is going, but Locke and his dad are staying. Locke can't believe that Ben is leaving Bad Dad with him. Ben snaps, "He's your mess, John, why would we clean it up?" Locke sputters that they can't leave him, not after everything they've been through! What about the pins and needles? What about the long walks, the deep heartfelt conversations, what about the late-night rendezvous? He can't leave now! Ben is having none of it: "Don't tell me what I can't do, John." Little man is uppity when he's heartbroken. Locke protests, "But I thought I was special! I thought it all meant something!" Ben snorts, "Well, everyone makes mistakes." The little boiled shrimp is downright nasty when his affections aren't returned. Oh, Locke, don't you know they always leave you if you don't put out? Especially if they buy you that big lobster dinner and the bottle of pink champagne and then you refuse to unsheathe the big knife? Don't you know what that does to a boy? Ben continues his snappish streak, "We're leaving, we're taking all the office supplies, but we will leave a trail that you can track. And, John, unless you're carrying your father's body on your back, don't bother." Wow. Ben does not deal with rejection well at all. No sirree.
Back on the Black Rock, Bad Dad is realizing that something is wrong. I mean, besides the fact that he believes he is dead, in hell, and being held captive by his angry armed son. Sawyer asks if he's ever been to Jasper, Alabama. Bad Dad admits it, but won't claim paternity. Har dee har har har! Sawyer says Bad Dad isn't his daddy; Bad Dad killed his daddy. Sawyer then pulls out his letter. So, when Sawyer leaves his tent for his midnight relief, he takes his gun and his letter, but not his shoes? Huh. Bad Dad takes the letter that Sawyer hands him. He reads the first line: "Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know me but I know you... " He stops reading to ask what the letter is, but Sawyer tells him to shut up and read. Bad Dad reads about how he slept with Sawyer's mom, stole his dad's money, and how his dad killed his mother and then shot himself. He then blah blah blahs through the rest of the letter, and Sawyer gets pissed. Bad Dad figures out that Sawyer took his name on a revenge trip. Bad Dad claims it wasn't his fault -- he ran that con a dozen times with no problem! Sawyer says his mother's name was Mary. Bad Dad stops and thinks and remembers that Sawyer's mother begged him to take her $38,000 and save her from her miserable life. It wasn't his fault that his dad overreacted! Sawyer screams at Bad Dad to finish the letter. Bad Dad looks up at Sawyer and calmly tears the letter into pieces. Sawyer snaps, jumps on Bad Dad, and chokes the life out of him with the chains. It looks like a grandpa snuff film. Locke opens the door when Bad Dad's inert body drops to the floor. Sawyer is not happy. Locke says thank you. His daddy sure did raise a well-mannered boy! Ugh. Between this strangulation scene and Charlie getting shot in the throat with an arrow, I have to ask: can we please move the show back to nine o'clock so I don't have to watch this anymore? Pretty please? With sugar on top?
Jack and Juliet are sharing lunch and a laugh on the beach. It appears to be a gourmet meal of beef jerky and pineapple. Mmmm. Their picnic is interrupted when Kate charges up to Jack and asks to speak to him in private. Juliet gets up to leave, but Jack says that Kate can say whatever she has to say in front of Juliet. Kate is understandably annoyed, but decides that he's right. Juliet should hear what she has to say. It seems only fair, since she's the reason no one has told Jack that there's a woman in Hurley's tent who parachuted onto the Island yesterday from a boat eighty miles away. If they can contact the boat, they will all be rescued. Jack is shocked that no one told him. Kate laughs, "No one told you because they don't trust you." Um, Kate? If no one trusts him, why are you telling him now? Do you think they will trust you once they realize you are total BLABBERMOUTH? Jack and Juliet stare at each other. Juliet is still chewing her beef jerky, but she kind of looks like a cow gnawing on cud. Looking bovine must be a real challenge for an actor! Jack asks, "How?" Kate tries to explain again that all of his friends distrust him, but he doesn't care, he just wants to know how the pilot was going to contact the ship. Kate sighs and says that she has a phone/radio thing, and Sayid is trying to get it to work. Jack gets up to investigate, and Juliet says, "We should tell her." Tell her what, Kate wants to know, but Jack won't say. Juliet encourages him again to tell her, but Jack won't do it. Kate looks confused as Jack leaves for Hurley's tent.
Sawyer barfs in a really lousy attempt to get the bad taste of murder out of his mouth. Locke follows Sawyer out into the field and tells him that he can go back now. Sawyer wants to know why Locke did this. Locke says that Bad Dad ruined his life and Sawyer's too and he totally had it coming. He then non-sequiturs that Juliet is a mole. Oh, I thought she was a cow. My mistake! Locke says that she's working for Ben and that three days from now, there's going to be a raid on the beach and the Others are going to take all the women. The Others claim they don't want anyone to get hurt, but you know how those Others are! Sawyer can't figure out why Locke is telling him this. Locke wants him to warn Kate since Locke isn't going back to the beach. Locke is on his own journey. Sawyer points out that even if Juliet is a mole, they are never going to believe Sawyer, because he has been saying that since the beginning. As proof, Locke hands him the tape recorder with Juliet's report about Sun's pregnancy. As Locke prepares to walk off into the sunset, Sawyer asks if it's true. Was he really thrown out a window? Was he really paralyzed? Locke says, "Not anymore." He picks up his Bad Dad's body that was nicely gift-wrapped for Ben and walks off into the jungle. I head to the kitchen to see if slamming the refrigerator door on my head will stop the dull ache of unanswered questions.