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Kate and Jack are together again, but it is not the joyous reunion/escape plan that Kate had envisioned. Instead she and Sayid are captured almost immediately and held prisoner by the Others while Jack and Juliet prepare for their return home. Yes I said it. Home. But Jack swears he'll come back for her. It's hard to tell if she buys it, though, what with her being handcuffed and held captive while he walks off with the hot blonde doctor.
Meanwhile, Locke has come to see a man about a submarine. This is not a request without serious flashbacks. While Kate and Sayid are held prisoner, Locke alternatively holds Alex and Ben hostage while trying to find out the whereabouts of the escape submarine. Ben will give up nothing without a lot of psychological probing and quasi-deep spiritual questioning -- just like Jonathan Adler in Top Design! Locke is not much for the psychoanalysis and sticks with the "nyah-nyah-nyah, I can walk and you can't" rebuttal. Locke gets his information and blows up the sub just as Jack and Juliet are about to board. They are not happy about this turn of events. Ben, however, is thrilled that Locke made his secretest wish come true. Looks like a Love Match!
Locke does not regret his decision, despite his imprisonment. Besides, he and Ben are fast becoming bestest friends, and he gets to stay on the Island forever and never has to see his evil-doing ne'er-do-well father, who pushed him out a window and broke his back, ever ever again. Well never say never on this Island, Locke, 'cause guess what? Your dad is here! Being held prisoner by the Others. Bet you wish you hadn't blown up the only way off the Island, eh Johnny Boy? Want more? The full recap starts right below!
A flashbacked John Locke is sitting in an administrative office with the florescent lights reflecting off his not-yet-bald pate. He is being asked a series of inane questions by an administrative office drone while she reviews a form. She inquires about his name (John Locke), marital status (single), girlfriend (no) She then asks him if his parents are living or dead. He says he was raised in foster care and never really knew them. She then rather impertinently asks if he ever considered seeking out his biological parents. I seriously doubt that question is on the form. Locke is with me on this and can't figure out what that has to do with anything. The cubicle denizen informs him (with a head bobble, but no finger waggin') that it's her business because if the state is going to continue to pay his disability, she needs to determine if his condition has improved. Improved by hypothetically seeking out the biological parents that abandoned him to foster care as a child? How would that improve anyone's condition? Unless your condition is "Painful Pursuits" or "Unhappy Endings." Are those in the DSM IV? Locke is unimpressed with this answer, but his mouth says nothing. The cubicle dweller now wants to know how his appetite is. Locke rolls his eyes without actually rolling his eyes and says, "Fine." The state worker bee says that she sees he stopped submitting his therapy bills for repayment. Locke explains that he stopped going because it is a waste of time. The office lady stares at him and without blinking, grabs a stamp and slams it onto his paper work, marking "Benefits Suspended" in big red letters across the top of his file. Locke looks as stunned as a depressive can look. The drone tells him it is just a temporary suspension and that he can re-apply for benefits once he starts seeing a therapist again. Locke asks if she thinks he is temporarily disabled. She says depression can be temporary, and since he saw fit to stop going to therapy she gathers that he is all better. And nothing treats depression like no money, no job, and no kindness! No sir. Locke says he must be all better then and gets up and walks out of cubicle hell as the nice lady yells, "!" I guess we were supposed to think he was in a wheelchair, but I forgot to. He's not in one anyway.
Back in the jungle, Locke handles his gun. Get your mind out of the gutter, dirty bird. He, Kate, and Sayid are still in the bushes staring intently at Jack and Tom's football game. Kate asks Sayid what they are doing. Sayid whispers, "It looks like he's attempting a blitz, but I can't tell whether he is going to tackle the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage or just force him to hurry his pass. Can you feed me some beer nuts? This foam finger makes it hard to eat." Just as the game is about to get good, Juliet comes to play ball. Ha ha! Girls can't play football! Obviously the game is over. Kate tells Sayid that Juliet helped her and Sawyer escape. Juliet calls Jack and grabs his arm and whispers in his ear. They walk off together. Sayid tells Kate that Rousseau is gone, Kate tells Locke, but Locke has no one to tell since Rousseau has left and so the game of Telephone ends as quickly as it began. Locke leads the group a little further into the bushes so they can follow Jack and Juliet. Juliet leaves Jack outside but quickly emerges with Ben in a wheelchair. Much to the shock of the Losties, Ben shakes hands with Jack. The camera shows the shock on each of their faces in turn, and it ends up looking like an acting class exercise. Locke can't help but point out that this will be more complicated than they thought. I can't help but point out that that line is very, very tired.
Kate. Cannot. Believe. What. She. Is. Seeing. She is loading her gun with many bullets. Sayid asks her what her plan is -- just go in and start shooting? She says that they came to rescue Jack and that is exactly what they are going to do. Sayid can't help but point out that obviously the circumstances have changed. Maybe he doesn't want to be rescued. Kate refuses to hear that. She starts angrily poking him in the shoulder and saying That. Is. Not. Jack! The Others have done something to him! They drugged them when they were captured. Sayid says that he didn't appear to be drugged. Hey, don't discount those sports-related endorphin rushes, Sayid. Kate has stopped poking his shoulder, but sprays him full in the face while pointing out that they kidnapped him, held him prisoner, and he wouldn't forget that. Don't make me poke you, Sayid! Sayid says say it, don't spray it, girlfriend, and that he agrees, but until they know why Jack is acting like that, he feels that maybe they would be putting their lives at risk for someone who doesn't want to be rescued. Kate pulls her pack more firmly onto her shoulder and says that they are not leaving him. Sayid says they may not have a choice. Locke, who is calmly sitting on a stump carving something with his big knife, blurts, "It's Jack!" Uh, John? We know. Locke explains that the first time he saw him, Jack was risking his life pulling people out of a burning airplane. "If he's shaking hands with the Others, he probably has a good reason. We just have to go in there and find out what it is." Sayid wants to know what he suggests. Locke says they should wait until dark, approach Jack when he is alone, and get him out if he wants out. Kate is shooting daggers at Sayid throughout Locke's speech. Girl can hold a grudge like no one!
Locke is depressed. We know this because he is eating alone in a darkened one-room apartment IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION. What could drive a man to such extremes? Obviously he is seconds away from doing himself in. This Hopper-esque tableau is interrupted by a knock on the door. Locke opens the door to a clean-cut young man who asks if his name is John Locke. Locke points at his no solicitors sign and starts to close the door. The young man explains that he is not a solicitor. He is a Jehovah's Witness. Just kidding! His name is Peter Talbot, and he needs to talk to Locke about his mother, who is in danger. Locke says that he has the wrong John Locke and starts to shut the door again. Peter asks him how many kidneys he has. That puts a kibosh on the door shutting as Locke stares at the kid. Inside the apartment, Locke is mixing up some instant coffee. Apparently depressed people don't bother to buy whole bean. Quick, get the Starbucks marketing department on this untapped demographic! Peter is explaining that his mother agreed to marry the guy just two months out of the gate. Love at first sight. His name is Adam Seward. He is a retired computer entrepreneur from Ontario. Something about him made Peter nervous, and he had to check him out. What does this have to do with Locke? Well, it has to do the fact that Locke donated a kidney to him back when his name was Anthony Cooper. Peter shows Locke a photo and, sure enough, it's Locke's scheming, con artist, kidney-stealing father. Locke does not look happy. No he does not. Peter continues by saying that all he could find about Anthony Cooper were his medical records. He figures that if someone gave the guy a kidney, how bad could the guy be? Locke runs his hand through his non-existent hair, swallows, and flat out lies to the kid. He claims that it was an anonymous donation and that he never met him. Peter doesn't believe it and asks if he is sure. Yeah, Locke is sure. Surely a big fat liar! Way to wuss out. If you had a therapist, she would be really disappointed in you.
After nightfall, Jack and Juliet walk slowly up to Jack's cabin. They are giggling and throwing some serious body language around. Locke is watching them from the bushes. Kate grabs the binoculars from his hands and stares in disgust. It's all bit pervy if you ask me. They regroup, and Locke sets a plan of attack that makes Kate go in first. It's better if she is the first one he sees. Yeah, ladies first! Especially when heading into enemy territory. They put their hands together, yell, "Go Team Spirit!," and run off in separate directions. Kate rambos up to the door of the cabin with Sayid guarding her back. She tries the door handle and seems surprised to find it unlocked. She creeps down the hallway, gun at the ready, and walks towards the lilting and dulcet tones of the piano that are echoing through the halls. She drops her weapon when she notices that Jack is playing the melancholy tune. As the song ends, he finally notices her. He looks surprised. Then he looks happy. Finally, he looks miffed. (Someone's been studying his Facial Expression 101 textbook again!) He stands up and tells her to get out of there right now. She looks hurt. He tells her to get out because They are watching him. He points at the giant video camera mounted to the ceiling that is focused right on her. Get out right now. She doesn't listen. She is explaining that they are not leaving without him when the Others bust in, guns ablazin', and point them at her head. Jack tells them not to hurt her. The Others ignore this and Kate yells "OW!" as they throw her face first onto the ground. They bring Sayid in with his arms tied behind his back. The Others stand over their prisoners and demand to know who else is with them. Kate has apparently decided that her best option is to yell for Jack. A lot. Even though he is standing right to her. Jaa-ck! Jack! Jaaa-ck! Jack! Jack! Jaaa-ck! Jaa-ck! Jack! Jaaa-ck! Jack! Jack! Jaaa-ck! Jack tells her to answer the question. Kate stares at Sayid and then says that they are alone. That it is just them. Sayid looks relieved, but probably just because she stopped yelling for Jack.
Ben is asleep in his hospital bed. He hears a noise. He looks around and sees nothing. As he turns the light on, he calls for Alex. But it's not Alex; it's Locke. With a gun. Ben says hello. Then he says that Locke does not need the gun, that he will tell him where Jack is. Locke says that he is not there for Jack. Are we surprised? No, we are not surprised. Locke is there for the submarine. We are a bit surprised. We don't read spoilers. Ben claims he doesn't know what John is talking about. He don't know no stinkin' submarine. Locke says he wants the submarine. The one that they use to get back and forth from the Island. The one Mikhail told him about right before he killed him. He won't take no for an answer. Ben says, "Oh that submarine!" He looks surprised, but his surprise turns to panic when he hears Alex calling him. She wants to know who he's talking to. He tells her not to come in. Locke opens the door and pulls her in. This interruption is interrupted with a knock on the door. The voice at the door asks Ben if he is awake. Locke covers Alex's mouth, points the gun at her, tells Ben to tell her to be quiet, which he does, and then Locke drags Alex into the closet with him. The voice at the door says he (it?) is coming in. The voice belongs to Tom. He tells Ben that they have captured Austin and Jarrah. Somehow they found them. Tom asks if Ben wants help getting up, but Ben says no. He wants them separated so they can find out how they found The Barracks. What about Juliet and Shepard? Tomorrow they're supposed to... Ben cuts him off and tells him to let him worry about that. Then he asks Tom to bring him the Man from Tallahassee, except that he definitely called Tom "Richard." So now I have no idea what his name is. Tom is easier to type, though, so Tom it is! Tom wants to know what they need him for, but Ben is not in the mood for explaining and tells Tom to just bring him. As Tom leaves, Locke busts out of the closet. The Man from Tallahassee? What is that, code? "No, John, unfortunately we don't have code for there is a man in my closet with a gun to my daughter's head. Although we obviously should." Hee! Nice work, writers! I like it when such a Serious show is funny. Locke wants Sayid's pack, and he wants Alex to go get it. Ben says that since Alex currently hates him, holding him hostage is not such a threat. Alex cuts him off, glares at him, and says she will go get the pack. Aw, fathers and their teenage daughters. So cute!
Locke walks into a flower shop. He glares around the room and spies an older woman gushing over some floral arrangement. She calls her honey over and asks his opinion on the arrangement. The honey is Locke's Evil Daddy. They both decide the flowers should be bigger, and Evil Daddy looks Locke in the eye and tells the lady he will go over there and look for bigger flowers. He walks up to Locke and says hello. Locke wants to know if it will be a big to-do or just the two of them and a preacher? I guess you couldn't invite me 'cause it would make for some awkward introductions. Evil Daddy wants to know how Locke knew? Knew he was in the flower shop? Good freakin' question. How did he know that? Locke doesn't answer my question, but says he knows about the wedding because her son came to him asking why he gave Evil Daddy a kidney. He's onto you, Evil Daddy, but doesn't have any proof yet. Evil Daddy wants to know what Locke said to him. Locke doesn't answer that question but instead tells Evil Daddy that he knows he is conning her and is going to marry her for her money. What does Locke want from Evil Daddy? He wants Evil Daddy to leave that poor woman alone. Why? Because it is not fair! Evil Daddy makes people believe he is their family, and then he leaves them and ruins their lives! "Call off the engagement and go or I will tell her the truth. I want to hear you say it. Say you'll leave." Evil Daddy just says "Okay, you got it," and chucks him under the chin and calls him "Sport" as he heads out the door. Oh Evil Daddy! You're so Evil! Do you think Locke's state social worker would be proud that he reached out to his biological parents? Now can he get his benefits reinstated?
Locke is toying with his gun some more, his feet propped up on the bed, glaring at Ben. Ben asks for help getting into his chair. He promises no tricks, he just wants some dignity. Locke should know about that. Locke looks offended and confused and contemplative all at the same time! Kind of like when my mom tells me I look "nice." Locke eventually decides to help Ben and stands up to get his wheelchair. Ben decides to repay this act of kindness by launching into a patronizing discussion of how Locke plans to operate the submarine. It's a complicated piece of machinery and you can't just push submerge. Locke can't help but mention that Emily Post would have a huge problem with this display of gratitude. Then he says that for all Ben knows he was a commander in the Navy. Oh Locke, are you still so naïve? Or are you just fucking with us? Locke tells Ben to wrap his arms around him and he will lift him into the chair. Ben turns to stare into Locke's eyes, pulls out a purple satin turban, settles it on his head, demands that Locke refer to him as the Great and Powerful Benno and then says: "If you met Mikhail then you have been to the communications hub. That means you found the explosive. Obviously that means you're not planning on piloting the submarine. You are planning to destroy it! I know you, John Locke." Locke interrupts to point out that, no, he doesn't know him at all. The Great and Powerful Benno whips up a storm of grey smoke and lightning and yells that no one interrupts the Great and Powerful Benno! He says "I know you were born in California. I know you grew up in foster care. I know you wasted a good part of your life in Tustin pushing papers at a company that makes industrial boxes. I know you spent the four years prior to your arrival on this Island in a wheelchair. And I know how you ended up in it. Tell me, John. Did it hurt?" Locke looks unpleasantly surprised and stares intensely at the Great and Powerful Benno. He takes a deep breath and says, "I felt my back break. What do you think?" The Great and Powerful Benno doesn't know the answer to that one, bashfully removes the purple satin turban from his head, and looks a bit uncomfortable.
Kate is tied up on the pool table in the student union at Other U. She is pulling the trick of rocking back and forth until she can slide her arms under her and has her cuffed hands in front. I really should learn that trick, because if I ever get stuck on a desert island or in one of Kate's flashbacks, it could really come in handy. Tom busts her just as she is finishing up her tricky maneuver. Tom says hello and that he didn't expect to see her so soon. He brings in his old football buddy Jack, telling him to be careful in there. He then makes a weird swirling gesture with his finger that could mean either "You are being recorded," or "I'm totally bananas!" He leaves before we find out which it is. Jack pulls out a chair, spins it around, and sits man style to show Kate he means business. He asks if they hurt her. She says no and asks if they hurt him. He says no. She wants to know what all this is. He explains that this is where they live. She uses her cuffed hands to flick him in the forehead for being such a butthead. She asks about the people they took. The children? What about the children! He says everyone is fine. Kate snorts and glares at Jack, saying, "So, you're with them now?" Jack says he is not with anyone. I suddenly get the impression that they are not talking about the Others in general, but about one Other in particular. Is Jack telling Kate that he is not making the googly eyes with Juliet? Are we in fourth grade? Is this the rec room at Camp Shadyacres? Did Jack totally help Juliet with her lanyard during arts and crafts even though he gave Kate his life jacket during the boat races which everyone knows means they are going out? Like, oh my god, Jack! Now you'll never find anyone to go to Final Campfire with you!
Kate shakes her head in disgust and wants to know what did they do to him. Jack says that they haven't done anything to him. He told her not to come back for him. Kate didn't think he meant it. This gets old Waterworks Jack going, and he blinks back tears and completely ruins his manly football-playing facade. Kate gets up from the pool table, grabs his hand, then both hands, and then gets on her knees (get your mind out of the gutter!) and asks, "What did they do to you Jack?" He says that he made a deal with them. They are going to let him go. She looks confused. Go? Go where? He says home. When? First thing in the morning. He can leave and go get help -- it's their best chance. Kate can't believe that Jack would trust them. Frankly, neither can I. Jack says that he trusts them because Kate told him to. Oh, right. It's her fault. Saint Jack, your halo is officially revoked. Kate looks incredibly confused. Jack explains that he had to trust them when Kate asked him to save Sawyer's life. Kate looks upset and demands to know what they told him. Oh I don't know, Kate, maybe that you tossed some pity sex at Sawyer? Maybe they told him that? Are you going to deny it? 'Cause they have that throwdown on tape and, I don't know how to tell you this, but it is ALL over the Internet. At this point, Juliet barges in like the possessive fourth grade girlfriend that she is and says, "We need to go." Jack says he will be right there. Juliet looks pissy and says she will meet him behind the dining hall in five minutes or else she is totally giving him his JV jacket back. As she shuts the door, Jack gets up and says to Kate, "I asked you not to come back for me, and I wish you hadn't." He then bends over and whispers in her ear, "I will come back for you." Then he leaves her. Handcuffed and crying and potentially facing death. Yeah, Kate, he's a winner.
Locke and his Love Bug pull into a parking lot in Flashback Place. He pulls out a bag of groceries and makes his way across the lot only to be stopped by two cops. They want to know if he knows a guy named Peter Talbot. Locke reveals himself to be a really crap liar by looking shiftily from side to side, sweating, wiping his hands on his pants, rocking back and forth, and saying, "Um, no. I don't believe I do." The guy cop describes Peter Talbot, but Locke still says no, he doesn't know him. The girl cop says maybe it would help if I told you he was in your apartment a few days ago? Locke claims the kid was a solicitor, and the cop laughs. Peter Talbot's family is worth approximately two hundred million dollars, so what exactly was he selling? And why would your name and number be in his pocket? Locke ignores that question and instead asks why they were looking through Peter Talbot's pockets? Because Peter Talbot is dead.
Back on the Island, Locke is looking out the window. Ben is doing that irritating talking thing again. He is explaining his feelings about how frustrating it was being in the Hatch with Locke, watching him walk around, knowing he had no business being on his feet. He couldn't even ask him about it without revealing who he was. Yeah, Ben, being a scheming evil genius sure has its downside. Locke says go ahead and ask me now. Ben asks if he could walk the second he got on the Island. Locke says it was immediate. Ben can't believe it. Locke looks at Ben, reading into the meta-message of Ben's questions, and opines that Ben is wondering why it hasn't happened to him. He's not recovering as quickly as he'd like. How long has it been since the operation? How did he get sick in the first place? Doesn't the Island like him anymore? Ben is determined to out-mindfreak him, so he ignores the questions and asks Locke if he wants to blow up the submarine so that he won't ever have to leave the Island again? Locke smirks and asks if Ben has anything to eat. Nothing like subtle mind games and psychological drama to work up an appetite!
Sayid is tied up in the playground. Alex walks up to fetch Sayid's pack for Locke. She and Sayid exchange some eye contact. The Other on Duty asks what she is doing there, she explains, and gets the bag. As she leaves, Sayid calls out, "You're Alex aren't you?" She wants to know how he knows her name. Sayid calmly replies, "You look like your mother." Alex explains that her mother is dead. Sayid laughs and says, "I'm sure that's what they told you." Then Sayid gets smacked down by the Other on Duty and another Other earns his SAG card by telling Sayid to keep his mouth shut. Alex looks bothered as she grabs the pack and heads off. Can I just say: Yay! Someone on this show actually passed on helpful information to someone else on this show! Sayid gets a gold star for Communication. Go to the head of the class!
Locke is wheeling Ben into the kitchen to get a snack, because apparently the hostage situation has turned into a slumber party. Pillow fights and pedicures up ! Ben turns on the light and Locke is surprised that they still have power. Ben snarks that they have two hamsters running on a giant wheel in their underground lair. Okay, I'll say it: Hee! Ben tells Locke that there are leftovers in the fridge and he can help himself. Locke pulls out a roast chicken, and Ben apologizes for eating all the dark meat. Obviously this is the writers' way to say sorry for killing off all the characters of color on this show. Ben wheels himself over to look at photos of a young girl who must be Alex as a child while Locke engages in a one-man chicken eating contest. Ben says that Locke can't blow up the submarine. If he blows up the submarine he will have major problems with his people. Locke really doesn't care. Ben rolls over his toes a few times to get Locke's attention away from the chicken. Ben was born on the Island, but most of the Others were recruited and brought there. As much as they love it and will defend it and everything, they need to know that they can leave. The sub maintains that illusion. Locke stops eating chicken long enough to say, "So you're lying to them?" But Ben won't own up to that. He blames them by saying that they just aren't ready to make the commitment. But you, John Locke, you have already made that commitment. Locke has finally finished off the chicken and turns to look at Ben who is claiming that he can show him things. Dirty! Ben knows that Locke wants to see these things. To know these things. Super Dirty! Go wash your mouth out, Ben!
Ben offers to put it in terms that John can understand. He tells him to picture a box, because Locke knows all about boxes. What if I told you that somewhere on this Island was a Very Large Box and whatever you imagined, whatever you wanted to be in that Very Large Box, when you opened that Very Large Box, there it would be. What would you say to that? Locke smirks and says, "I hope that box is large enough to imagine up a new submarine." Oh writers! You're making my sides split! Ben is not amused. He wants to know why Locke is so angry? Um, Ben, maybe Locke is so angry because he was in a plane crash on an island populated by a random group of assholes who decided to kidnap, torture, and terrorize the survivors instead of helping? Maybe that's why he's so angry, Ben? Maybe? Locke tells Ben that he is angry because Ben is cheating. So, I'm wrong. Whatcha gonna do about it? Locke thinks Ben and the Others are cheating because they communicate with the outside world, they come and go as they please, they have electricity, running water, guns. Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eaters! He's a "heretic," a "Pharisee"! (Ooh someone's getting biblical!) If Ben had any idea what the Island was all about he certainly wouldn't be eating chicken! Um, John, you should really wipe the drumstick residue off your face before you start pointing greasy chicken fingers at people. Ben looks annoyed and points out that Locke has only been on the Island for 80 days (really? 80 days?) while Ben has been there his whole life. What makes him think he knows this Island better than him? Locke smiles and says, "Because you are in a wheelchair. And I'm not." Oh, he's got you there, Benny Boy.
Alex finally gets back to Ben's house. She hands the pack over and says that there was no trouble getting it. Locke tells Ben that Alex is going to take him to the sub. Ben says she has done enough and that he should take him. Locke says whatever, Wheels, I don't want you slowing me down. He grabs Alex and is about to run out the door when Ben tells him that there is something he should know. He and Jack had a deal, and Jack is supposed to leave the Island in an hour on that sub. It's a one-way ticket because the anomaly wiped out their communications, and they have no way of contacting the outside world. So once the sub leaves, it is not coming back. Whether or not Locke blows up the submarine, the end result is the same. Um, yeah, except that he doesn't get to blow up a sub! Where's the fun in that? Locke grabs Alex and heads out, leaving Ben to sulk.
Outside, Alex is totally mad at her dad. She tells Locke that Ben is manipulating him. It's what he does. He gets people to think things are their idea when they are his. It's what he does. Locke promises to remember that. Alex points him to the submarine that is perfectly parallel parked at a dock. Locke apologizes to Alex for involving her in this. She doesn't seem to care. Rousseau, however, really, really cares as she watches Alex from the bushes. What is up with these people and lurking in the bushes? It is really creepy. And how are these two going to meet anyway? Maybe Rousseau can put an "I Saw You" ad in the Craphole Island Times. "You cute Island teen with dark hair and attitude walking with crazed bald man on a mission. Me in bushes. Watching. Coffee?" Locke boards the submarine and runs around looking all Crimson Tide/Hunt for Red October/Operation Petticoat/every submarine movie you have ever seen. He definitely has a plan.
Ben is putting the chicken back in the refrigerator. Salmonella sucks! Botulism never! Jack busts in without knocking or anything. He's so manly. Jack knows that Ben doesn't owe him anything, but he has to ask him to let his friends go. Ben is shocked that Jack wouldn't bother knocking. Ben wants to know that if he says no, will Jack stay? Jack says yeah. Um, what? You would stay? Oh, Saint Jack. Welcome back! Here's your halo and harp. Oh, you prefer the piano? I'll get that for you right away, Your Holiness. Ben thinks for a second and then agrees, because Jack's friends are there to rescue him, but since he is rescuing himself there is no point in keeping them around. Um, what? Ben, you missed your calling. With that unique ability to reason, you definitely should have been a lawyer. Jack asks for his word, and Ben shakes on it. Anyway, Ben says he will let them go just as soon as Jack as has left the Island. He totally has his fingers crossed because he knows that Locke is blowing up the submarine and no one is leaving the Island. He is such an evil genius! Juliet is standing there, watching the exchange. Ben says this is goodbye and Juliet thanks him for keeping his promise. She looks teary eyed. Ben looks sad, but really, if Ben had done his background research, he would have known that Juliet was a total doctor hag and would ditch him as soon as she found a nice doctor to cling on to. Hello, doesn't he watch ER? She and Jack wave goodbye and head off to their happy ending in the sunset. Right? Right?
As Juliet and Jack walk down to the sub with an entourage of armed men, Locke has the misfortune of coming up the path at the exact same time and getting nabbed. He puts his hands up and gets on his knees, looking up at Jack a bit sheepishly. Jack wants to know what Locke is doing there, but Locke doesn't answer and just says, "I'm sorry." Jack wants to know what Locke is sorry for, but his question is answered by the freakin' giant explosion at the submarine. Oh, Locke. There is a cabin in Montana with your name on it. Jack gets all crazy-eyed and just stares at Locke while the Other entourage looks on in shock. Don't they know that Locke is batshit crazy? Well I guess they do now.
Locke is pounding on the door of an apartment. Evil Daddy answers the door. Locke is demanding to know what he did, if Evil Daddy had anything to do with the death of Peter Talbot. He was on to Evil Daddy, and Locke told him, and the thing he knows is that Peter is dead. Evil Daddy says, "Moi?" He just can't believe that John would think such a think about him. He's been doing the con artist thing for a long time -- he's a professional! He's not going to get nervous about some kid. Locke doesn't buy it. Why is Evil Daddy still here when Locke told him to leave? Evil Daddy decides to come clean. He didn't end it with the lady, because he was looking for an angle, a way to make some money. Then Peter died, and everything went to hell. Evil Daddy needs a drink. He crosses the room to get his Scotch. It must be hard for a con man to talk about losing so much money. The woman he was going to marry is devastated by Peter's death. So devastated that she called off the wedding. He says there is no money in it anymore. The woman just wants to be alone. Locke is not really buying it. He can't believe that she called off the wedding. He asks, "If I called her right now is that what she would tell me?" Evil Daddy gestures towards the phone with his cocktail and says, "The phone is right over there, John." Locke walks over to make the call when, holy crap!, Evil Daddy dive tackles him and knocks him out the window! It's like eight stories! He lands right on his back. Locke is toast! Man, that is one Evil Daddy! And, wow, do those windows suck!
Locke is in the hospital. He is battered and bruised and bandaged. He is not, however, dead. I guess that would have been a bit of a challenge even for these writers. The cops are at John's hospital bed. They tell him his father is gone. After their encounter (is that copspeak for "throwing your son out a window"?), he fled to Mexico and disappeared. He could be anywhere in the world. The physical therapist kicks the cops out saying that John has work to do. "Work" is apparently codeword for getting used to being in a wheelchair. The physical therapist is definitely a tough love type of guy. When Locke says he doesn't want to get out of bed, the PT says that he doesn't remember asking. He tells Locke that it takes people a while to get used to the chair but Locke will do just fine. Locke says he can't do it. The PT points out that he fell eight stories and survived. There is nothing he can't do. Despite Locke's protestations, he picks him up and puts him in the chair. As the PT leaves to do something, Locke sits in the chair and cries to himself. Sad.
Locke is trying to sleep while handcuffed to a pipe in the basement at Other U. Ben comes in and tells Locke that he really did it this time. Locke is unimpressed and tells Ben that he can stop pretending to be disappointed. They both know that Ben wanted Locke to blow up the sub. That's why he left the c4 in Sayid's bag. Ben tells Richard (the real Richard this time) to un-cuff him. Ben asks Locke if he is going to do anything stupid. What? John Locke? Do something stupid? Never! Ben asks if Locke remembers earlier when he called him a cheater? Well, there he was earlier, shaking hands with Jack, trying to figure out a way to keep Jack from leaving the Island. "To let him go would be a sign of weakness or defeat. But to kill him would also be cheating. Because my people heard me make a promise and I couldn't break a promise. That would be the end of me, too. Then you came out of the jungle to make my dreams come true." Little blue birds and butterflies float between Ben and Locke, forming a heart in the air. They share a soda with two straws and run hand-in-hand down the beach. Then John totally ruins the mood by asking if Ben is going to start talking about the magic box again. Heh. Ben is offended, but says, "No, I am going to show you what was in it." Ooh, magic box!
As Ben, Locke, and Richard roll down the basement hallway, Ben tells Locke that he misunderstood earlier when he asked Locke if it hurt when he broke his back. He realizes that breaking his back by smashing into a hard surface after getting thrown out a window must have smarted. But what he really wanted to know is if it hurt more because his dad was the one who did it? Wow, Ben, you got some mad people skills. Locke turns to stare at Ben. Ben continues reaching out to the man who made his dreams come true: "He's why you blew up the submarine. You're afraid of him aren't you? This is the one place he can't get you. You have some communion with this Island, and that makes you very, very important. You have no idea what you are talking about, but you will." Ooh! Will we have some idea what he is talking about, too? That would be swell. Ben wants to help Locke. Why? Because Ben is in a wheelchair and Locke's not. Locke looks confused, but Ben asks if he is ready to see what was in the Magic Box. Richard unlocks door and opens it for Locke. Locke looks inside expectantly. And, oh my god, it's a polar bear! And a unicorn! Holding hands! Okay, it's not a polar bear and a unicorn, it's Locke's dad. He is bound, beaten, and gagged and does not look happy to be there.