Seems to me that, if you like to drink, you have better than even odds of running into Jack's dad any given time you enter a bar. Or maybe it's Jack's dad who runs into Ana-Lucia. Either way, the two meet up in an airport bar, because Ana-Lucia quits her cop job after Capt. Foxy Mama confronts her about the guy she knows -- but can't prove -- Ana-Lucia shot. Heâ¦hires her? To provide personal security for him in Sydney? And it makes no sense? But that's what happens. He spends a lot of time drinking, and then shows up at some woman's house, demanding to see his daughter, but that doesn't happen, and we get no more details of this alleged daughter. Which of the female characters is from Australia? Hmmmmm.
Henry attacks Ana-Lucia while she's still trying to play Good Cop with him, and she's saved by John's crutch. Henry confides to Locke that when he was caught up in Rousseau's trap, he was on his way to see Locke, because apparently Locke is one of the "good ones." You're a credit to your hatch, Locke. Later, Ana-Lucia wants a gun, and she's distracted by Sawyer's crotch. For a con man, Sawyer sure is gullible, as the whole rumble in the jungle with Ana seems to be for the purpose of getting his gun, which he NEVER EVEN REALIZES IS GONE until much, much later. Ana-Lucia wants the gun so she can confront Henry like she confronted the guy who shot her, because that turned out so well for her.
Meanwhile, Michael wakes up eventually after Jack and Kate bring him back to camp. He tells them that he found the Others' camp, and they live like animals, and there are only 22 of them, and most of them are old, and/or women, and possibly blind or even amputees that consist of nothing but torsos and heads, which means that the Lostaways can easily take them. Jack and Locke are initially curious about the circumstances of Michael's reappearance. Not that they end up doing anything about it.
And while Jack and Kate are out trying to convince Sawyer to give them the guns (and hey, shouldn't Jack be mobilizing a battalion or two from his alleged army?), Ana-Lucia decides to shoot Henry (while apparently trying to make it look like he was trying to escape). But she can't go through with it, because she's a big baby who has decided that shooting an unarmed man to death is never the answer, or at least not the answer more than once. Michael "They Took My Boy!" Dawson offers to do it for her, so she gives him the gun. Looks like this is the last mistake she'll make, because an apologetic Michael pops her in the gut. And he's surprised by Libby, looking for some wine for her date with Hurley, and he blows her away too, although that seemed less intentional. We don't have confirmed deaths on these two yet, butâ¦do you really think Disney wants a couple of drunk drivers on the payroll? Michael opens the door to the armoury, and pulls out the gun, only to shoot himself, most likely in the arm, although I think they cut it off quickly so we're supposed to think he killed himself, like NICE TRY, Lost.
Fifty-eight minutes of setup, two minutes of edge-of-your-seat. The upside is that the setup was more interesting than normal this time out, and the last two minutes really kind of ruled. The shooter has become the shootee. With deadly results!
We pick up right where we left off, with Jack and Kate trying to revive an unconscious Michael, who maybe has realized that he can sleep through the first fifty-five minutes or so of an episode and then just catch the last few minutes. Jack jumps up to suspiciously look all around the jungle, because he doesn't believe the Others just let Michael go. So Kate yells at him because she thinks it's obvious Michael escaped, and Jack relents and puts Michael over his shoulder, and Kate doesn't argue that she's just as qualified to carry Michael as Jack is. So thank god for that.Ana-Lucia's in the Dharma station kitchen, preparing some dinner or some such. She glances at the armoury door, thinking, Will we ever see more than a couple of minutes' of plot advancement in an episode?
We flashback to Officer Ana-Lucia and her partner pulling in to the police station. Her partner says toodle-oo, and apparently Ana-Lucia's mom, Capt. Foxy, has been skulking around the parking lot waiting for her, because she's all of a sudden just right there. She demands to know what Ana did last night. Ana: "Here is my vague, completely unsubstantiatable generic alibi, and you'd think as a cop I'd be smart enough to at least check the TV guide so I could identify a television show I allegedly watched last night." Capt. Foxy wants to go for a ride. And when your commanding officer is also your mom, you really don't get to say no.
Are they going to a little bistro to have mojitos and reconnect as mother and daughter? Is it to a movie like the The Ya-Ya Sisterhood of the Travelling Fried Green Tomatoes? Is it for a long walk in the park while Ana-Lucia tells her mom about the man in her life?
Well, close. At the morgue, Capt. Foxy pulls the sheet back from the guy Ana-Lucia aerated; he was found in the parking lot that morning, the gun nearby, registration number filed off, no prints. "Any idea who did it?" asks Ana, about as convincing as a six-year-old with chocolate on his face claiming he didn't sneak any Chips Ahoy. Her mom says Ana did it. I so want to be interrogated by Capt. Foxy. I'd fold so fast… "Guess I should get a lawyer," mutters Ana, and her mom is all, "I can help you!" And also, "You're an officer of the law!" Well, sure. In Los Angeles. So Ana quits, handing her badge over to her mother. This is a bad thing, her quitting? She's a vigilante!
Back to the Dharma hatch: Ana opens the door to the armoury. She sees Henry hasn't eaten the bowl of fruit in front of him. She asks how long he's going to keep up with the hunger strike. I believe Eddie Vedder said it best: "I'm going hun-gray…" Or maybe it was Chris Cornell: "Goin' hungreeee-EEEEE-eeee." Ana asks if she ever told him she was a cop. Only about eight billion times, Ana. She says she's been around a lot of killers in her life. "Know what surprises me most about 'em?" she asks. Henry doesn't answer. But that's her point. "They love to talk." But Henry's different. Quiet.
He mutters something, and she doesn't catch it, so like an idiot, she leans in real close and says that if he's going to say something, he'll have to speak up. Or punch her right in la bonza, which he does, and manages, despite having tied hands, to grab her around the neck. "You killed two of us. Good people who were leaving you alone," he says, throwing her against a wall. "You're the killer, Ana-Lucia," he snarls. So she did tell him about her time as a cop. Henry manages to get on top of her, still choking her, until he's conked over the head by Locke's crutch. Henry collapses, and Ana-Lucia scrambles to a sitting position, catches her breath. "I guess he decided to start talking, huh," he says wryly.
Good Morning America is still doing that thing where they try to entice you to watch by having a "Lost secret scene" that is so relevant to the show that it didn't actually air during the episode. Nice try, ABC.
Even killer cops gotta pay the bills, so here's Ana-Lucia scowlingly working as an airport security passenger screener. She glares at the passenger in line so hard, you'd think it was anybody's fault but her own that she's here.
Presumably (hopefully) off shift, Ana strolls into the airport bar, where Jack's dead daddy is sitting, and ready to hit on her. Ana asks the bartender, whom she knows, for a tequila tonic. Jack Daddy seems surprised at the drink order but acknowledges that it's been a long day. Nope, twenty-four hours, same as usual. "Good to see you again," he says to her surprise, until he explains that she "wanded" him. He asks how one goes about becoming a "wander." Hopefully it involves not being so damn condescending. "One stops being a cop," says Ana, which is this amazing coincidence for Jack Daddy, who just stopped being a doctor. "My son ratted me out for drinking on the job," he whines. He says this as he accepts another drink from the bartender, so I hope Ana gets the idea that this wasn't exactly some frame-up. She chuckles, and the doctor agrees that him losing his licence is "hilarious." But she says, "I don't believe parents and their kids should work together. Too many issues." Interesting theory, Ana. I have this alternative theory wherein cops don't execute criminals and doctors don't get wasted when they're on duty, but if you want to blame those trifling little "issues" on parents working with their children, well, bottoms up. Ana asks where he's headed, and he tells her Sydney, and then he asks her if she wants to come, and he's serious, and she wants to know why she'd do that, and he spouts some nonsense about fate putting them together so they can help each other. "You do need help, right? Unless you don't." She thinks about it. And he explains that what he's doing in Australia might be dangerous, so he'll be in need of protection -- perfect for an ex-cop. Instead of telling him to get lost, Ana says she doesn't even know his name. He gets all evasive and says they shouldn't use their real names -- because that would make this vague, possibly illegal job even more attractive -- and they'll pick names for each other. "You look like a Tom," says Ana, whatever that means, and he praises that "excellent name," and tells her she looks like a Sarah, which, probably not coincidentally, is the name of Jack's wife.
Back on Craphole Island, Ana is sitting just off the beach, examining the gash in her forehead in a mirror shard. Libby strolls up, sees the wound, and gasps, wanting to know what happened, like from the sound of her you'd think Ana was missing an arm or something. Ana, thinking quickly, says she cut herself shaving. From the look on her face, either Libby doesn't believe Ana, or she thinks it's really gross that Ana shaves her forehead. Ana cracks under the silent, open-mouthed interrogation of Libby, and says the guy in the hatch tried to kill her. "I'm okay. But he won't be," she says. Libby considers this, then advises her not to do anything stupid. Fat chance of that happening on this island. This island is like a seminar in good decision-making.
Down the hatch, Locke is examining the ceiling from whence the blast doors came down. On his crutches, he hobbles over to the armoury door and twirls the combination lock. He opens the door. Henry is sitting cross-legged on the floor, trussed up again. He doesn't even look up as Locke enters, just quietly says, "If you've come to apologize, I forgive you for hitting me with your crutch." He glances up and adds, "I'm so glad my head didn't break it." Locke wants to know what Henry tried to hurt Ana, but not him. Henry plays dumb, and Locke says Henry could have crushed his skull when he was trapped under the blast doors. "Because you're one of the good ones, John," says Henry. Locke doesn't look flattered so much as confused. But Henry doesn't explain, he just tonelessly explains that Jack's gone to make a trade, and he'll come back empty-handed, so Henry will lose his value and either Jack will kill him or the Others will find out where he's being held and they'll do it. "Why would your own people want to kill you?" asks Locke. "Because the man in charge -- he's a great man, John, a brilliant man. But he's not a forgiving man. He'll kill me because I failed, John. I failed my mission." Locke asks what the mission was. Henry: "When that woman caught me in her trap, I was on my way here, John. I was coming for you."
Locke's stunned, but before he can react, he hears Jack and Kate yelling his name, and he sees them dragging a still unconscious Michael into the bunker. A spooked Locke scrambles out of the armoury, and slams the door shut.
Sawyer's in the jungle, standing on a tree trunk, using a big stick to knock fruit off the upper branches. Ana-Lucia strolls up, picks up a mango. Sawyer snaps at her to keep her damn hands off his mangos because he's been knocking those things down for a whole twenty minutes, which has to be some kind of physical-labour record for Sawyer. "Didn't figure you for the fruit-pickin' type," says Ana-Lucia, whatever that's supposed to mean. Sawyer asks what she wants. "I need a gun," she says. He snarls that she should ask her buddy Jack for his gun, but oh yeah, he's busy traipsing around the jungle with Kate. Ana-Lucia tells Sawyer if he's upset that Jack is "making time with your girl," not to take it out on her. "Makin' time with your girl"? This island is a time-warp back to the '50s? Sawyer tells her to scram. I mean, he actually uses the word "scram," and then he says, "You heard me now, git!" Like Farmer Sawyer is chasing the crows out of the corn field. Ana-Lucia looks at him for a moment, sighs slightly, and walks away.
Ana-Lucia wakes up in a hotel room, at 3:51 AM. Time for her 3:51 drink! She grabs a bottle and a glass (a glass? Whatever, Ana-Lucia) and strolls over to glare at the Sydney skyline. Stupid skyline. The skyline remains standing. She sips her drink, and there's a pounding on her door, and we hear the muffled yells of Dr. Christian McGillicuddy telling her to open the damn door. She does, after wrapping a robe around herself. Hilariously, he says, "Oh good, you're up." Hee! Anyway, it's time for that protection duty he hired her for, or whatever sick arrangement this is, back in the airport bar. "After four days of drinking and doing nothing, now, in the middle of the night, you're ready to go?" asks Ana, which suggests to me that Ana-Lucia never went to university. Anyway, Jack Daddy tells her it's time to go. "Fate is calling, Sarah." He turns to go staggering down the hallway.
It's pouring rain, naturally, as their car glides down a residential street, Patsy Cline providing the soundtrack. Christian tells her to pull over, that this is it. Ana-Lucia sarcastically asks if he needs protection for the suburbs. He doesn't even appear to need that, as he tells her to stay in the car.
Ana watches as he gets out, and walks up to the front door of a house and pound on it until the door's opened by a woman. We can't really make out the conversation until voices are raised, with Christian yelling, "She's my daughter and I have every right to see her!" "No, you don't have a right, now get out!" is the woman's response, in an Australian accent. Some pushing and shoving ensues, so Ana hops out of the car to go save Christian from his apparent baby mama, and he's yelling about how he pays the mortgage on the house, and something about his daughter again, and as Ana drags him away, the woman yells at him to never come back. "I was just having a conversation with the lady!" Christian yells at Ana, like, isn't this what he's paying her for?
Sayid's…trying to…dig something? On the beach? No idea. Hurley strolls up and says, "Dude. Nice hole." So this is going to be one of those quirky Hurley scenes where everybody can get up and get a sandwich, go to the bathroom. Hurley rambles on about the radio they made. "I was thinking maybe I could get it to play some music. You know, for Libby." Sayid reminds him that it only worked once, and just for a minute, and he has tried several times to get it to work, to no avail. Hurley's undeterred: "Here's the thing: even that? Would be good. Because then Libby would be like, 'It's the thought that counts,' and I'll score major points, especially when she sees me holding it over my head." Unsurprisingly, at least to anybody but Hurley, his Lloyd Dobler fantasy is completely lost on Sayid, who asks, "And why would you want to hold a static-generating radio over your head?" Hurley is genuinely shocked that "they didn't have Say Anything in Baghdad." Gimme a break, Hurley. So he explains the whole iconic scene to Sayid, who seems largely unimpressed. But he decides to help Hurley impress Libby, and tells him that there's a beautiful beach three kilometers from here. "You think she'd like that?" asks Hurley. More than a static-generating radio? Probably. "I took Shannon there once," says Sayid, and he goes back to digging. He says that like it wasn't, what, last week?
Over at Dharma station, Jack is trying to get an unconscious Michael to wake up. Locke hobbles in on his crutches. "So it worked?" he says. He still thinks they got Michael back in Jack's plan to trade Henry to the Others. "They didn't give us anything," snaps Jack. Locke's skeptical that it was a coincidence that Michael just came running out of the woods, but Jack says it was because he was shouting and Michael heard his voice. He asks Locke if he thinks the Others just let Michael go, in the hopes the Lostaways would keep up their end of the bargain. "You think they're on the honour system," snaps Jack, like, don't take it out on Locke because your retarded plan didn't work. Kate strolls in, and says hey, and Locke hobbles away again, whatever that's about.
Sawyer's strolling through the jungle, when he appears to have heard something. He looks around. "Come out, come out, whoever you are," he sings, all De Niro in Cape Fear, and goes on about how he knows someone's out there, and don't make him come in after you, and etc. Someone clears her throat behind him, and he turns around to see Ana-Lucia standing there. He asks if "Li'l Red Riding Hood" is going to follow "the Big Bad Wolf" back to his "stash o' guns," like, can someone please tell Sawyer to quit talking like an idiot? Ana-Lucia says she'll just take the gun he's got on him. He's less than receptive to that idea. "I ain't gonna gimme-you nothing," he says. So Ana takes a swing at him, which he easily sidesteps, and then punches her as she goes by. He chuckles, and for some reason TURNS HIS BACK ON HER, so she grabs him and throws him to the ground, with her on top. He manages to roll her over so he's on top. They struggle for a few moments, and then they stop. "Whatcha gonna do now, muchacha?" he whispers.
The answer is "stick my tongue down your throat," which is what Ana-Lucia does. They kiss for a moment, and Sawyer breaks it off, surprised. Then he goes back for more, and they roll around on the jungle floor. And then off come the shirts, and the camera pans down to Sawyer's gun, on the ground, and I'm sure it'll still be there when all is said and done. And let's just hope that whatever Sawyer picked up in Tallahassee stayed in Tallahassee, or at the very least that Sawyer has scavenged some condoms.
Daylight. The day, presumably. Christian chugs a little hair of the dog from a little bottle of liquor in the car as Ana-Lucia drives him around a grimy part of Sydney. She asks him who the woman was, and all he'll say is that she's "a very long story, Sarah." She tells him her name is Ana-Lucia. "Well, I'm still Tom," he says, and she says pathetic is what he is, which he doesn't disagree with. She brings the car to a screeching halt, because she wants to know why he's here. "I'm here because I can't apologize to my son," he says. "He tried to help me, and I thanked him by cutting him off. I thanked him by hating him." I didn't realize that I've actually been thanking most of the characters and some of the episodes this season. Then he tells her she came here for the same reason he did: she was running away.
This brutal moment of honesty is interrupted by Christian noticing that they just happen to have stopped outside a bar. This, to Christian, is fate again. Whenever I hear someone yammer on about fate, I think of that scene early on in Halloween where Jamie Lee Curtis is sitting in class and looking out the window and noticing the car that Michael Myers stole, while the teacher, whom we never see, blathers on and on and says the word "fate" about fifty times. ANYWAY, Christian suggests, "Let's go have a drink at ten and be pathetic together, whaddaya say?" He manages to send quite sinister and/or lecherous as he says it. Ana considers it, then says, "No." Christian doesn't respond, so she says "no" again, like maybe she could possibly stop him from drinking right now. He just says, "That's your call," and opens the car door…which bangs into Sawyer, who angrily yells, "Hey! I'm walkin' here!" like Sawyer's dialogue is brought to you tonight by IMDb's memorable quotes or something, but if he wants to get all Midnight Cowboy, it should be noted that Dustin Hoffman wasn't strolling directly beside the door of a parked car with people likely to get out, now was he? Even in his flashbacks, he's a dick.
Ana tries to stop Christian by telling him they should just get out of Sydney, they should just go back. "You can never go back," says Christian, adding, "See ya, kiddo," before slamming the car door and sauntering off into "Cocktail Bar."
Back on Craphole Island, Ana-Lucia's getting dressed and notices Sawyer watching her. "Don't you want my phone number?" he says. She's not in the mood for jokes. "You tell anybody about this? I'll kill you," she says. God, does that take me back to my dating days. "Guess that takes cuddling off the table," says Sawyer, as Ana-Lucia strolls away without even asking if he's got any RU-486 in his stash.
Hurley's raiding a shelf of Dharma food on the beach, just grabbing cans and bags of food and stuffing them in his bag, which raises a lot of questions for me about whether the Lostaways are even bothering to ration or if they just presume there'll be a pallet of food in the jungle every couple of months or so. Anyway, he's startled by Libby, who's smiling at him, and he stammers that this isn't what it looks like. She thinks he's embarrassed to be seen going after the food again ("Hurley, I'm not here to tell you how to act around food"), while he's more worried about blowing the picnic surprise. Which he blows himself, by saying, "I was packing a picnic, 'cause I was kinda hoping that you'd wanna go with me, you know, as a 'us' thing." She smiles. "But it was a surprise," he finishes. She tells him that it's very sweet, and it sounds like she's going to torpedo the sweetness with a "just friends" addendum, almost, but he asks if she wants to go, and she asks where, and he asks if that part can still be a surprise. She says yes, and strokes his hair. But don't forget, this is all in his mind.
Down the hatch, Jack's washing dishes or surgical tools or whatever it is that Jack does, and Ana-Lucia strolls in and is almost approaching pleasant as she says, "Hey, you're back." She asks if the Others showed up. "No. Michael's back, though." Before she can ask about that, though, he notices the gash on her forehead and asks what happened. She doesn't even get to think about an answer, before Locke says, "My fault," and says he left the faucet on and Ana slipped on the water and hit her head. Ana is rather unconvincing as she tries to swallow her surprise and confirm this with Jack, who doesn't notice how bleeding obvious it is that she's lying.
But they're interrupted anyway, with the groggy moans and grunts of Michael and Kate calling for Jack to come. "I think he's waking up," she says. Everybody makes their way to Michael's bedside, with Jack telling him he's back in the hatch; they found him in the jungle last night. Michael struggles to sit up, Jack warning him to take it easy.
"I found them," he says, surprising everyone. He says he headed north, back to where the Tailaways had been, hiked to the beach and followed the shoreline, and saw one a day later. Locke asks what he looked like. "Dirty. Worn clothing, simple. Just like the rest of them," says Michael. Kind of like the rest of you guys, you know. Kate appears to be thinking of the stuff she found in Feelgood Hatch. Jack's all, "'Like the rest of them'?" Michael says he followed the one back to their camp, where they live in tents and teepees and eat dried fish. "They're worse off than we are!" he says, almost disgustedly. Teepees, tents, dried fish? Is this how the colonization of North America got started? Michael says he counted twenty-two of them, but -- in response to Jack's question -- says he didn't see the boat. Jack asks if he saw Walt. "No," says Michael quietly. "But I know he's there."
Ana-Lucia asks if he saw anyone else they might have taken, like Cindy, or any other children. Michael shakes his head and says no, but they might be in the same place where Walt is, because the Others also have a hatch. "There's a set of metal doors, leading underground. What else could it be?" He says the doors are always guarded by two guards, with two guns, and two guns is all he saw. "They're barely armed. Most of them are old, and half of them are women." He pauses a moment, and almost breaks down, before continuing, "I couldn't save him. So I came back to tell you, tell you that we can take them." Jack looks kind of askance. But isn't that what he's training his army for? Are we ever going to get back to that? Michael goes on, "As soon as I get my strength back, I will take us back there. And we are gonna get my boy back." Michael's introducing conscription now?
Locke's in the computer room…doing his taxes? Paying bills? Scribbling on pieces of paper…likely he's still sketching the black-light map. Jack comes in, and somewhat sheepishly says Locke was right. Locke looks up. "Right about what?" About Henry, says Jack. "What you and Sayid did to him when you first found him, you were…you were right. I don't like how you did it, but I shouldn't have gotten in your way." Locke goes back to his work and says that Jack did what he thought was right at the time he thought it. "I just hope that time you decide to do something, you include me. And something tells me, that's gonna be soon." Jack's all, you heard Michael! We can take them! Locke reminds Jack that they weren't warned by Beardo not to cross the line. "These people are liars, John! Why the hell should we take their word on anything?" Locke says he couldn't agree more. So now what? Well, I'd like to see a montage, set to a song by Foreigner or Journey or REO Speedwagon, maybe Survivor, with Jack and Locke working out, and high-fiving. You know? Jack's rehabbing Locke's legs with him. They could set up those parallel-bar things and have Locke struggle to make his way across, Jack yelling at him, and have him get a little bit farther each time they show him doing that, and finally he's able to make it across on his own?
But no musical montage, at least this episode. But now that they're the dynamic duo again, Jack and Locke stomp out all purposefully into the kitchen, where the womenfolk want to know what's going on. Locke says they're going to get the guns back from Sawyer, and Jack tells Kate they need her help to convince him. Kate wants to know who's going to look after Michael, even though Michael is totally fine, and Ana-Lucia volunteers. "Give Sawyer my best," she says, and then glares a hole in the armoury door, so good job of appearing not to have an ulterior motive or anything.
Libby and Hurley are walking through the jungle, with Hurley saying they're "almost there." Libby asks Hurley if he's ever watched The Flintstones. "Sure, I used to watch it all the time when I was in the hospital," he says, and then catches himself, adding, "when I broke my hip." Doesn't he know that it's clear to her by now that Hurley's got a couple of toys in the attic? Guess not. Anyway, she's asking because Fred Flintstone would always go running past the same thing over and over again, because of the old animation trick of reusing the same background, and she's reminded of this because this is the third time they've passed this particular tree. "That's a different tree," says Hurley lamely. She sighs and says it's okay if he's lost, which he denies he is, saying they're about to walk onto "the most excellent, secret beach on the island." And sure enough, as he yells, "Surprise!" they come through the trees onto the beach.
Only, as killjoy Libby points out, this isn't exactly a "secret beach." In fact, she says, this is so unsecret a beach that it's actually their beach. In fact, there's Jin right over there. In a funny reveal, we see Jin in the background, kneeling on the beach, cleaning fish. Very Simpsons, this moment. Hurley's crestfallen, so Libby suggests they just have the picnic right there, and asks Hurley for the blanket. Hurley's all, blanket? Libby tries again, asking him if he brought drinks. Nope, no drinks. But I bet Hurley's got some Dharma Ranch Composite in that pack of his. Nice picnic, Hurley. She tells him she'll take care of the blanket, if he'll chase down Rose and Bernard, who she saw snagging some Dharma wine from the food pallet. Hurley lights up at the thought of sharing some wine with Libby, and he jokes that if he gets drunk enough, maybe he'll remember where he knows her from. Libby's face kind of crinkles at this, like she's not sure that would be such a good thing, but Hurley takes no notice. He glances over at Jin, who by now is watching the proceedings and grinning. He nods, and gives Hurley a thumbs-up that made me snicker despite myself. Hurley giggles too.
In one of the more innovative and yet obtrusive and annoying product placements I've ever seen, Sawyer is reading a script by the fire when Jack's posse strolls up, and Jack wants him to put the "book" down, and Sawyer tells him it's a manuscript, and he's about to be the first person to find out whodunnit, and I guess you can buy this as a book with the premise being that it was written by one of the doomed passengers on the plane, and it's so aggravating that I'm not even going to mention the name of the book in order to make my stupid joke about checking out the first word on pages four, eight, and so on. Jack finally just takes the manuscript and throws it on the fire, so Sawyer spazzes and tries to save it, but can't, so he'll never know, but you can! Jack says it's time to give the guns back, but Sawyer is still going on about how Jack burned his book and now he wants help. And Locke (Sawyer says, "You too, Brutus?" to him in keeping with the cribbing of famous quotes, as well as demonstrating that Sawyer is a redneck who gots hisself some book smarts) and Kate chime in to tell Sawyer to give up the guns, and Sawyer's unimpressed that Kate's helping out, asking if Jack brought her along for the sympathy vote, whatever that's supposed to mean. "She ain't in my head, Doc," he lies.
Jack's really not interested in screwing around, so he pulls his gun on Sawyer. Sawyer reaches around behind his back (nice reflexes to not call him on that, Jack), only to find that his gun is not there. So let me get this straight: he didn't figure out that Ana was boinking him as a distraction. That, maybe I can buy, given that Sawyer wouldn't be the first guy to let his dick do the thinking. But then he gets dressed, and doesn't notice his gun isn't there? And all this time he hasn't noticed his gun is missing? Are you kidding me? But I guess Sawyer wouldn't now be able to say, "Bitch!" and "She stole my damn gun!" After finding out Sawyer's talking about Ana-Lucia, Jack wonders aloud why she would need a gun at all. Some quick cuts show Ana in the bunker, locking and loading, and opening the armoury door. They might as well have a light bulb go off over Locke's head, as he says, "Jack? I need to tell you something. I ate the last of your Dharma Twinkies. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Ana slides a knife across the floor to Henry, and tells him to pick it up and cut himself loose. He asks why. "You know why," she says. Slowly, he does so. "He kept telling us you were misunderstood," he says. He's talking about Goodwin, who Henry says told them that Ana was worthy, and that he could change her. "But he was wrong," he says, folding up the knife and putting it back on the floor. "And it cost him his life." Ana says Goodwin was going to kill her. Henry stands up. "Was he?" he asks, somewhat rhetorically. Ana just asks him if he's done, and Henry says he is. She pulls the gun from her waistband, and points it at Henry. "So this is it, huh?" he asks. And she says it is. But the fact that there's still a whole act to go doesn't really make this the most urgent commercial cliffhanger I've ever seen.
Oh, and regarding the "ad" for the Hanso Foundation during the commercial break? Up yours, ABC. Commercials are when I take a leak. Don't try to trick me into watching the ads between the ACTUAL SHOW.
We come back to a flashback, and it's Jack's scene where he pleads with the ticket agent about getting him and his dad on the plane as soon as possible, and now we see that in addition to Jin standing in line, Ana-Lucia was there too. And there's Greedo, shooting first! Ana glares at Jack, who doesn't even need to shoot new scenes to horn in on her flashback. But Jack's talk about his dad has Ana reflecting, and she pulls out her cell phone.
She tells her mom -- we don't know it's her mom yet, but who else is it going to be? -- that she's in Sydney, and her mom shows off her amazing geographical knowledge by apparently locating Sydney in Australia. I think Rodriguez does the best she can with a phone scene where we don't even get to hear the other end of the conversation, but it's still not the most interesting thing to watch, even if Ana admits that she ran away because Mama knew what she did. "But now…I wanna come home, Mama." Now we get a shot of Capt. Foxy, who tells her to come home. Ana gives her the flight number. Capt. Foxy writes it down, and I half expected her to pass it onto to a couple of uniforms and order them to pick her up. But Capt. Foxy is at home, in her civvies. "I'll be there when you land, [Spanish word I didn't recognize that sounds like it was a term of endearment]," she says, and Ana hangs up.
Back in the bunker, Ana's sitting outside the bunker, playing with her gun. A groggy Michael strolls in, wants to know where everyone is. Ana tells him that what he said got everyone all worked up, and they went to get the guns from Sawyer, and it comes as a surprise to Michael that Sawyer has them all. "Long story," says Ana, even though it really isn't. And it's not like Ana has anywhere to go.
He sits down, and notes that Sawyer didn't get Ana's gun. "Yeah. Too bad I can't use it," she says. He asks what she wants to use it for, and she explains that they caught one of the Others, and that he's locked up in the armoury. Michael's expression of surprise, given what happens in a few moments, appears quite genuine. "He tried to kill me today. So I wanted him dead," she says. She's not looking at Michael, which is too bad, because Harold Perrineau has such an expressive face -- it's too bad he's been barely on the show this season, and when he has been, it's mostly been about yelling, "Waaaaaalt!" I'd forgotten what a good actor he is. Anyway, Ana is all crying about how she couldn't shoot Henry. "I looked at him, and he…I can't do this anymore," she whispers. Shoot people? Add Ana to the list of people cured by the island, I guess. It cures paralyzed legs, infertility, cancer -- homicidal tendencies? Michael strolls over to the armoury door and thinks about it for a moment. "Then let me do it," he says. Ana looks at him. He squats down beside her. "They're animals. I've seen these people, and they are animals," he spits. "They took my son, right out of my hands, they took my son, and -- I'll do it. Give me the gun. I'll kill him." Ana finally gives him the gun, and the combination on the armoury door. And I don't know about you, but it's kinda comforting to know she's not completely cured of her murderous capabilities, you know? If we can't believe in that, what hope is there?
Ana leans back on the couch as Michael looks at the door. And then he looks at the gun, looking like he too is having a hard time actually going through with it. Which he is, but not with killing Henry. "I'm sorry," he tells the gun. "For what?" asks a barely interested Ana. Michael looks at her, raises the gun, and fires, apparently getting her in the stomach. Ana's too shocked to even cry out, and gasps for a moment before sagging back on the couch. Michael looks anguished. Not brainwashed, certainly. Ana's not moving, and Michael's still standing there, pointing the gun, quivering.
And now here's Libby coming in. "Michael?" she says, surprised. Not as surprised as Michael, who wheels around and fires two shots, both of which hit her, although she's awkwardly holding the picnic blanket in front of her. And Michael looks even more distraught when she collapses to the ground, but I'll guarantee she ain't dead yet. That blanket's not there for nothing. Speaking of which, I think we all know whose fault this is, Hurley. Maybe time you plan a picnic, you'll BRING A DAMN BLANKET.
Michael finally calms down enough to walk over to the armoury door, which he opens. He steps inside, and Henry slowly stands up, watching him. They don't say anything. Michael raises his arm, points the gun in the general vicinity of his left shoulder/arm, and the gunshot takes us to black.