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Rose and Bernard are an old, married couple, but they're also newlyweds. Rose shakes Bernard out of 56 years of bachelorhood, and he proposes to her at Niagara Falls after knowing her for just five months. This is when she tells him she's got cancer -- the big casino -- and her doctor says she has a year, tops, to live. This really lights a fire under Bernard's ass, and on their honeymoon in Australia, he arranges for Rose to meet a faith healer, much to her dismay. But the faith healer tells her he can't help her, which is not to say that she can't be helped; she just needs to find the right place. Rose lies and tells Bernard that he healed her -- and then she discovers after the crash that the island turned her lie into the truth. Know why she thinks the island healed her? Because in the airport, waiting to board, she happened to have a passing encounter with the formerly wheelchair-bound Locke.
On the island, Bernard is applying his single-minded determination to getting them off the island. Considering that the Dharma food drop must have come from a plane, Bernard bullies a bunch of extras to helping him start a giant S.O.S. sign on the beach (glad someone finally thought of that, like TWO MONTHS after crashing). But they all desert him because he acts like a dick -- until Rose comes clean; after all, if getting off the island means the cancer comes back, they're not leaving.
Jack and Kate head out into the jungle with the intent to let the Others know they have Faux Henry, and hope to work out a deal to get Walt back, whoever that is. Along the way they get caught in a trap designed to press their taut, sweaty bodies up against each other. They have no luck finding the Others; they're greeted, instead, by a worse-for-wear Michael, whoever that is. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Rose is stocking the bamboo shelving unit that I presume someone whipped up simply to hold the big grocery drop from a couple of episodes ago. She takes a moment to chide Bernard, who has committed the mortal sin of putting the cereal on the right instead of the left. You know, with the wild boars and God knows what else on this island, how about storing the foodstuffs a little farther away from where people sleep? Bernard's bothered by the food drop (which explains why he's been scowling right from the start of the scene), and he's even more annoyed that Rose is so unquestioning about the whole thing: "You're acting like we just got back from the supermarket." She annoyingly says that she was raised not to question her blessings. Yeah, well, Bernard was raised to question parachuted food dropped on an island where they crash-landed. I don't want to sound like I'm choosing sides, but Bernard is totally right. But according to Rose, he's just having a bad day, which is no excuse for him to raise his voice, which he hasn't. He bitches that he had seven weeks' worth of bad days on the other side of the island just trying to survive so that they could be together again. Poor Rose, if he's going to try to win every argument by pulling out that card every time. "But here…my God, Rose, they build a kitchen on the beach! They've given up!" Given up on what, Rose wants to know. "On getting rescued," says Bernard. Something tells me that Bernard's about to get all, "Well, not on my watch!" about it. Oh, goody. Rose looks like I feel, and Bernard seems a little nonplussed by her lack of enthusiasm.Down the hatch, the timer's beeping, but Locke's paying it no mind. He's trying to sketch out what he remembers of the black-light map. He's got one of those crazy Apollo chocolate bars, which must be his reward for when he gets it right. Fortunately for everyone's sanity, it's just circles and lines and a question mark, so hopefully that means there's no need for screencap on enhanced screencap to be posted. He's working so hard that when the one-minute alarm starts going off, he doesn't even notice; it takes Jack to snap him out of his reverie so he can enter the numbers and reset the alarm, with a little hand flourish at the end because he's so irritated. And Jack keeps staring at Locke like he can't believe how useless Locke is these days. "Condescending martyr" doesn't work for you, Jack. Locke stares at the timer thoughtfully for a few moments, and goes back to work.
Jack strolls over to where Ana-Lucia is reading a big book (and you should check the first word on pages 4, 8 -- oh, never mind, they never show what book it is). Jack asks her about Faux Henry, who we learn has refused food and water for two days now and also refuses to talk to them. As Jack twirls the combination lock, Ana gets up and stuffs the gun into the waistband of her jeans. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired of waiting," he says. That Jack! He says what we're all thinking!
Henry Gale's hunched over, but he sits up straight when Jack enters, and stares straight ahead, like all Jack's going to get is his name, rank, and serial number. He doesn't answer Jack's questions about losing his appetite, which doesn't bother Jack much, because he says he never had much of a bedside manner anyway. He tells Henry that he's going to change the dressing on his shoulder: "If you try anything, we've got a problem," says Jack all tough. Jack rips the bandage off Faux Henry's shoulder, causing him to flinch slightly. Faux Henry also grunts when Jack applies some stinging disinfectant to the wound. I imagine neither of these reactions are bothering Jack that much; he's nattering away about Faux Henry's speech about leading them into a trap if he were an Other, so some Lostaways could be kidnapped and a trade could be worked out. "It's a pretty good idea, Henry," says Jack, patting a new bandage into place. "I thought now might be a good time to use it. I'm going out to the line that we're not supposed to cross, and telling them that we've got you. And if they want you back, it's going to cost 'em." Like the Others aren't thrilled to be rid of Faux Henry.
Jack finishes up and packs up his medical bag. "And when we get Walt back, you might just have been worth all the trouble." Who in the what now? Jack's heading out of the armoury when Faux Henry breathes sharply, or maybe chuckles slightly. Jack turns back and asks if Henry said something. Henry turns his head and looks at Jack for the first time. "They'll never give you Walt," he says flatly. Jack just stares at him, looking almost scared at Henry's words and their implications. Wow, excellent opening. Had me figuring that the boring-athon we've been stuck with for the past few weeks was finally over. It's a throwdown! A showdown! Hell, no, I won't slow down!
Oh. It's a Rose and Bernard flashback show this week. Well, it's safe to say there won't be bullets flying, fistfights, pimps, or car chases. Three of those things in an episode, in any combination, are usually good enough to earn you an A from me.
Car tires spin fruitlessly in the snow, and not the kind of spinning tires you get just before you pop the clutch and lay some rubber while chasing down a pimp who's shooting at you, unfortunately. Rose is behind the wheel of a car stuck curbside in snow that wouldn't present any kind of problem for someone who has, as Rose tells Bernard (who's standing outside offering advice through the driver's window) she has, been driving in snow all her life. Bernard's telling her that she needs to rock the car back and forth, or else she's just digging herself in, which is true. Rose ignores this and just keeps spinning her wheels until she says she's going to call Triple A. "So they can send a tow truck?" says Bernard, who seems to take this personally. Based on their mild bickering, suggesting familiarity with each other and reminiscent of their minor squabbling on Craphole Island, I suspect we're supposed to think they've long been married, but the clearly deliberately ambiguous language kind of telegraphed that this was how they met, which I'm thinking is a surprise to most viewers either way. He says he can help her get it out, and gets around the back to push while shouting instructions at her. So naturally when she does manage to get free of the inch-deep snow, he falls flat on his face. Rose gets out of the car to see if he's okay, which he is, and then says she would have gotten out of the snow eventually, like how nice to tell him that he just fell on his face for nothing. And turns out that she's listening to Otis Redding singing "These Arms of Mine" on the radio, which I didn't notice the first time I watched the episode. We'll come back to this.
She thanks him for helping for her, and he says sure, and then she introduces herself, and he does likewise and they act like awkward teenagers for a moment before heading for their respective cars. Rose is hesitant about getting into her car, as she watches Bernard get in his, and then yells his name, getting his attention. She asks if she can buy him a cup of coffee. He's so surprised that he hops right out of his car, and smiles. "Coffee would be nice," he says, and she smiles too.
Back on Craphole Island, Bernard purposefully strides across the beach. He has a smile that indicates he ate the canary. It approaches "shit-eating," this smile, but is far more pure in its self-satisfaction. He stomps over to where Rose is holding a box of "Dharmalars," which she's telling Hurley she had to beat back half the group for, and she was saving them specially for him. What kind of weird organization is this that it feels the need to put its name on food products like this? Hurley sadly tells her that he's on a new diet now that consists of "fish and water." He says it again, like he can't believe that he has to subsist solely on fish and water. Here's a thought: if I ever crash-land on a deserted island and I actually have the option of confining my meal options to one particular type of food, like actually being able to afford to diet, please remind me to praise Jesus. So shut up, Hurley. Also, fish tastes good. Water is good.
Bernard stomps on up and excitedly asks Hurley what he's doing right now. "Uh, talking to your wife," say Hurley, like he thinks it might be a trick question. It could be because Bernard has that attitude like your dad would have on the weekend where he's all excited because he's got a job for you to do, and it's mowing the lawn or whatever, and he thinks that if he acts all excited about it, you'll be all excited too and drop the basketball and say, "Oh, I get to mow the lawn? Is it Christmas in July?" Sure enough, Bernard asks him to get Libby and meet him at the edge of the tree line, and also to get Jin and Sun, and Jenkins, whoever that is, and "that Frogurt guy, the guy who used to sell frozen yogurt," and Hurley says that guy is "Neil," whoever that is, and Craig, whoever that is, and anyone else who Hurley can get, whoever they are. Rose asks Bernard what he's up to, and he winks at her and says he's got an idea. And he goes off to accost a couple of extras who are standing in the background. And the really weird thing is I've been thinking about this now during the scene, that I'm thirty years old and I wish our townhouse had a front lawn I could mow. Lousy dad.
Down the hatch, Jack's getting ready to go, and Ana-Lucia's standing around looking all glum, which I know is hard to believe, and she says she doesn't think trading people is the Others' "thing," and Jack says, "Talking is getting us nowhere," and I guess he means talking to Faux Henry, since it's not like they're talking to the Others. Ana-Lucia asks if he wants her to come along, and he pointedly looks over to the computer room, where Locke is either still working on his black-light map, or a diabolical-level sudoku. "You need to stay here," says Jack. So she hands him her gun. "You need it more than I do," she says, and maybe she could deliver her lines with just a little emotion. Then she says he should do himself a favour and not go alone. He says "all right." Yeah, maybe take a soldier or two from that alleged "army" that you guys are training that we never actually see.
Sawyer and Kate are playing in a tide pool or something on the beach, so I guess she likes him again. She's, I don't know, digging mussels out? Who cares? He's just watching her, and making fun of how that's "four in the last half-hour" and he should call "the Guinness Book," so she finally asks him if he's going to help, because if not she's got "better things to do," as if. I think he should call the Guinness people, because how hilarious would it be when they get the new edition and look for Kate in there and instead find a new entry for "world's biggest asshole"?
Sawyer glances off to his right, and sees Jack doing his robo-stride over. "Oh happy day. Here comes Dr. Giggles," says Sawyer. Jack says "hey," looking at Kate, and Sawyer says, "Hey, yourself," even though Jack wasn't talking to him. In fact, Jack barely glances at Sawyer at all, and tells Kate that he's heading out to the jungle to find "our friend with the beard" and see about making a trade. Sawyer stands up, and smugly surmises that Jack's inviting him along because he needs a gun. Jack allows himself to enjoy, just slightly, telling Sawyer that he's inviting Kate, and he's already got a gun. "How in the hell'd you get a gun?" Jack asks Sawyer if it matters. Apparently not to Jack; did he even ask where Ana-Lucia got hers? Well, I guess he might know she disarmed Sayid. Did he ask Sayid where he got it? And did Sayid tell him he got it from Charlie? And did Jack ask Charlie where he got it? And did Charlie's part in Sawyer's scheme come to light? Never mind.
Anyway, Kate's quite happy that Jack's finally asking her along on one his expeditions that usually result in people getting kidnapped or killed, so she says she'll get her things. And the two of them walk off together, with Sawyer looking much chagrined. Score one for Jack.
Bernard's rallying the Lostaways, reminding them that they've been on the island for two months. "And already we have a water trough, and we've got a food pantry, and people are taking showers in your hatch." They are? When are they doing that? He asks if they've forgotten that they crashed on the island. "It's like none of you want to go home again." In circles around him are numerous Lostaways, with the main cast -- Charlie, Hurley, Sun, Jin, Libby, and Claire (holding Turniphead) -- literally in the inner circle. All the extras in the outer ring are making the most of their chances, though, and are nodding enthusiastically as Bernard speaks, because it's not like they're going to get any lines. Claire gets all indignant at the idea that they don't want to go home, but it's not like they can offer up any evidence to the contrary, apart from Hurley's feeble "We built a raft…and it got blown up."
Bernard points out that the food pallet had a parachute attached to it, which meant it was dropped by a plane, which means that planes fly over the island. So what they're going to do is make a giant sign on the beach. Judging from the extras getting all bobblehead, they think that's a great idea, as Bernard babbles on about planes and satellites taking pictures, like, quit drinking, Bernard. Then Rose shouts out that they should check with Jack about this. This is the first we've noticed she's there, and she's standing on the outside of the circle, by a guy who might want to see if Sawyer has an eyebrow trimmer.
Bernard's a little surprised, as I would be. You need to check with Jack to get permission to build a giant SOS sign? Bernard tries to joke about it: "He's not the president; he's a doctor." Drawing several snickers, Rose yells out that Bernard's a dentist. I think she's pointing out that Bernard doesn't have any more qualifications to lead than Jack does, but it comes across like she's reminding him that doctor outranks dentist or something. Rose's heckling gives Bernard pause, and he asks if he can talk to her for a second. She rolls her eyes as he walks over, and they walk a little ways away, but certainly not far enough for everybody not to hear as she upbraids him for giving these people false hope, even though all he wants to do is try to get them off the island. Bernard looks hurt, and softly excuses himself, saying he has a sign to build. He walks away, and Rose looks regretful, which seems about right.
Rose and Bernard are eating in a restaurant with a spectacular view of the natural majesty of Niagara Falls. But Rose is alone in taking advantage of it. Bernard's too busy trying to signal someone offscreen to even barely make conversation with her. "So what does God need to do to get your attention?" she teases. But he's gotten the attention of a pair of violinists who are sawing out some appropriate proposal music, and Bernard's getting out of his chair and then down on one knee. He tells Rose that he's been a bachelor for 56 years: "And then I met you, and we just fell into this rhythm, like we'd known each other forever." He says he'd given up hope of ever finding someone like her. Rose looks stunned, but not overly happy. She tries to speak, but he won't let her. He says he knows it's crazy, because they just met five months ago. "But five months is long enough. Because I knew after five minutes." He opens the box to reveal a big honkin' diamond. "Rose. I love you. Will you marry me?" he whispers. Rose stares at the ring, stares at Bernard. "Bernard, I'm dying," she says. Dying…to marry Bernard? No, the real kind of dying. "I'm sick, and I'm dying," she says. Needless to say, this throws Bernard for a bit of a loop, and when he regains his composure, he asks the stupid violinists to knock it off, because they apparently couldn't tell that maybe they should probably make themselves scarce.
A shaken Bernard sits back down, looking at Rose. "I've been in remission for the last couple of years," she says calmly. "But now it's back, and this time it's not going away." She says her doctor said she has a year left, maybe a little longer. Bernard thinks about this. He still hasn't said anything. Rose gets this look on her face like, "Your move, dude." Bernard thinks about it for about five hours before looking at her, and says, without changing his expression, "You haven't answered my question." Aww. "Are you sure?" she whispers. He reaches over and takes her hands in his and says he is. She smiles, and lifts her eyebrows, and softly says yes. Bernard's all smiles. I guess the upside if that marriage turns out not to agree with him, then he'll be a bachelor again before too long.
Eko and Charlie are hard at work gathering wood on the beach. Bernard strolls up and jokes with Eko about how you bunk with a guy for forty-eight days and then he doesn't call or write, like maybe this is summer camp for Bernard or something, and Eko smiles and says hello. When Bernard asks what they're doing -- he asks that unnecessary question a lot, doesn't he? Like when you're in a video store and you run into a friend you haven't seen in a while and they say, "What are you doing here?" -- Eko says they're just working. Bernard tells them about the big sign throwdown he's putting together and how they could use all the bodies they can get. But Eko's barely got time enough to say that he's busy. Bernard tries Charlie, who says he's only got "two hands" but wishes him good luck. Bernard asks if he can at least help himself to the pile of logs that Eko has himself gathered, and Eko says he needs those. "For what, exactly?" says Bernard. Charlie tells him they're building a church. Bernard's about as impressed as I would be that they've been on the island two months and already someone's trying to bring in organized religion. "Everybody on this island is building something!" he says, whatever that means. "I'm trying to get us saved!" I did my best Eko voice and said, "So am I," which is close enough in spirit to what Eko actually does say: "People are saved in different ways, Bernard." But unless the church you're building has a distress beacon or possibly turns into an oceangoing vessel, I think I'd prefer the way Bernard wants to save people. Bernard even gives Eko this look that says, "You know what I mean, Eko." But what he says is better: "I think I like you better when you just hit people with your stick." Bernard stomps off, and Charlie helpfully says that he likes Eko just the way he is. I guess if you're going to suck up to someone, the massive guy with the big stick is as good a choice as any. But I also think that maybe Eko should try a religion that advises he not act like a dick to people.
Down the hatch, Locke is still scribbling away on his map, which must be awful aggravating without the benefit of screencaps or Adobe PhotoShop. He finally just crumples up the paper, and looks like he's going to start again, but instead he grabs his crutches and hoists himself to his feet.
He makes his way over to the armoury door. Ana-Lucia's sitting on the floor, and she's -- what is she doing? Something mechanical, it looks like. There are tools and cables and metal things. Whatever. Locke has to yell over the music that he wants to talk to Faux Henry. "The gun's with Jack. The door stays closed," she says. Locke looks frustrated, but Ana-Lucia says if he wants to talk to him, go ahead.
So Locke hobbles over to the door and knocks, "It's John, Henry." The steel-drivin' man? "Why'd you trade Johnny Damon?" yells Faux Henry from the other side of the door. Or maybe there's no response at all. Locke yell-asks if Henry entered the numbers and pushed the button or not, because he needs to know. He hammers on the door and such.
Inside, Faux Henry listens to Locke yell and hammer, and smiles the smile of the evil.
Bernard, dragging some wood behind him, shows up on the beach to discover that his sign posse has dwindled somewhat. Seems "Craig" and "Frogurt" have left, although if someone kept calling me "Frogurt" I don't know how long I'd help them out either. Bernard says it doesn't matter, and then lays out how to make this big SOS sign, making the letters big and using black rocks for maximum visibility. Good thing they have a leader like Bernard to explain such a complicated undertaking, no? Without him, I imagine they'd make a small sign that said "OK" with small, sand-coloured rocks. "Dude, we're like gonna need a lot more rocks," says Hurley. Brilliant! You can be Bernard's assistant! Bernard says there's a lava field about half a mile inland that's loaded with them, and they're going to haul them out in two-man teams. At this point, some bald guy with a goatee exchanges glances with another extra looking all indignant that this is going to involve physical labour. Bernard instructs them all to double up, while he'll stay behind to sketch the letters in the sand. Sure, take the easy job for himself. Meanwhile, standing behind him is a tall, lanky brunette. Faith Harrington? Or perhaps Cher? Hurley volunteers to sketch the letters in the sand. "Everybody's got a job, Hurley. You do your job, I do my job." Nice response. Jin, in Korean, says, "This is bullshit," judging from his demeanour. Bernard asks for a translation, but it's not like Sun is there, so Hurley's best guess is that Jin's not wild about hauling rocks. Jin makes a face like, "Yeah, what he said." Bernard acknowledges that this will take time, but if this is what gets them rescued, it'll be worth it. What if gets them dead from exhaustion and/or polar bears? So everybody gets to work, and it looks like Bernard's dragging that log behind him to make the giant letters in the sand. He smiles as he's doing it, because I'm starting to think Bernard is some kind of cheerful psycho. Then again, can any of these stupid deserve-to-never-be-rescued Lostaways explain to me just what more important things they have to do that they can't spend a little time making a giant distress sign on the beach? Bernard's being kind of an ass about the whole thing, but being an ass doesn't necessarily preclude the possibility that you might also be in the right.
A Jeep or a Land Rover or whatever hauls ass across the desolate outback. Rose and Bernard lovingly argue about whether they're lost; Bernard says he knows where they are, and Rose says so does she: "Driving around in circles in the middle of the outback. That's why I wanted to be on a beach for our honeymoon." I think maybe if Bernard knew how much complaining she'd be doing, he'd have found a way to make that happen.
They drive into "civilization," in Rose's words, even though it's really just a few shacks. Any place where there are herds of sheep wandering around where paved roads are supposed to be isn't civilization. Rose wants Bernard to get directions, but he confidently says that they're not lost. Something in his tone finally clues her in that he knows exactly what he's doing. She suspiciously asks him what's going on, and he says he brought her out here because he wants her to see someone named "Isaac of Uluru." He hands over a brochure that identifies this Isaac as a "healer," and there are newspaper clippings -- "MIRACLE IN THE OUTBACK," screams the headline of one tabloid -- as Bernard says he knows how it looks, but this guy is completely legit. "You brought me to a faith healer?" Rose says, throwing the clippings down on the car seat and opening her door and getting out.
Bernard does likewise, and tries to tell her Isaac's the real deal: "Once I started telling people about your condition, I get three separate phone calls recommending him." "'My situation,'" says Rose. She can't believe this is why he wanted to honeymoon in Australia. Bernard says he had to make a $10,000 donation to get in to see Isaac. I think, with that line, Bernard might have revealed himself, dentist or not, to be the stupidest person on the island. "I didn't ask for this!" yells Rose. Bernard looks saddened by her attitude, but clearly he figured she'd never agree to this, or he wouldn't have done this without Rose's knowledge. But really, Bernard, a faith healer? You might be grasping at straws, but if this guy could cure cancer -- or whatever Rose has, as the word "cancer" is never actually uttered in this episode -- and is not doing it for charity, would he really be in an out of the way place in the outback? On balance, though, $10,000 to see a faith healer is probably less of a rip-off than $10 to see Leap of Faith, which would probably have made Rose even angrier.
Rose slowly shakes her head as she quietly says, "I have made my peace with what is happening to me." "Well, I haven't," he says. Better get going on that, Bernard. "I can't just do nothing, Rose. That's not me. That's not who I am. I have to try." Rose softens somewhat as she grasps that he only did this amazingly stupid thing out of his overriding love for her, so when he says, "Will you try, Rose? For me?" you know she's going to.
Back on the beach, Rose is doing some sort of chores while Bernard is all futilely trying to convince Sawyer of all people to help out with the hard labour, because if Sawyer has time to fix his tent -- Sawyer's gathering up giant palm fronds or whatever to shore up Casa de Sawyer after it was destroyed by Hurricane Hurley -- he's got time to lug rocks for a half mile. "What, you got union trouble down at the sand factory, Norma Rae?" Sawyer's delivered his witty quip for the week, so his scene will soon be done. Bernard pleads for his help one more time, and Sawyer says, "Pasadena," which I guess is his way of saying, "Pass," or is perhaps another place where he contracted a venereal disease. Or, most likely, both.
Bernard sees Rose over by the water trough, presumably realizing she saw the whole thing, so he decides to go over and start a fight with her while filling up his water bottle. "Boy, I hope you're happy," he says. "About what?" and he tells her that he only has four people working on the sign now, which he thinks is her fault because of the way she didn't support him, and she throws a little gasoline on the fire by suggesting that perhaps his project has a "management problem." He repeats his "just trying to do something" mantra, so it's time for her to tell him that that is precisely his problem. "If I didn't always have to do something, you wouldn't be here," he snaps. He's referring to the faith healer, sounds like, who we're being led to believe fixed Rose; unfortunately for Bernard, his sentence is true in another sense: if not for his boner for Australia, they wouldn't be on Craphole Island. Either way, it shuts Rose up, and she takes her pack and leaves. Bernard looks like he realizes he stepped over a line. I'm still having trouble with the notion that I've been married longer than these two have.
In the jungle, Jack and Kate still somehow have their clothes on. Kate says that she's flattered Jack chose her for the journey instead of Sawyer, because she's got to praise Jack like she should. Too bad Jack pisses all over that, saying he asked Sayid first, but Sayid said no, which doesn't sound like something Sayid would say. "And I only asked you, because they don't want you. They grabbed you, held you at gunpoint…they could have kept you, but didn't." Jack sure knows how to make a girl feel wanted. The look on Kate's face suggests to me that she didn't realize her brush with Others should be a self-esteem issue for her, but there you go. "Then again, they didn't really want me either," he says, and Kate calls them both "damaged goods" with a wry smile. They continue, but Kate has spotted a trap -- or, I mean, a doll, and she wanders over to very naively pick it up, despite Jack's protests. He runs over to her just as she picks it up; this enables them to both be swept up in the net that hoists them into the air. "Sorry," says Kate meekly. "Sorry" don't get people out of nets, Kate.
So they're swinging in the air, face to face and genitals to genitals, and Jack asks if Kate's okay. She says she is. "Oh good, so you can hear me," he says. Hee! They both agree that this trap isn't "sophisticated" enough to be the Others', so it must be one of Rousseau's. And this scene goes on for about a hundred years, with Jack struggling to reach the gun, which fortunately he tucked into his waistband above his backside, only he can't reach it, so Kate grabs it, taking great pains not to shoot off his ass. And they bicker about who's going to try to shoot the rope that's holding them up, with Kate taking the first shot and missing by about a foot and a half. So Jack wants to try, and of course the doctor is a crack shot, and the net comes crashing down in such a way that Kate winds up on top of Jack. Pardon me, but Evangeline Lilly's from Alberta. Girl knows how to shoot a gun, I guarantee.
On the beach, Bernard is yelling at Jin because the S he's started to build in the giant SOS sign is only one row of rocks thick, and Bernard is yelling that it should be three rows, so that it can be seen from the air. Jin snaps back in Korean, and it seems like he doesn't think three rows are necessary. "Do I just have to do everything myself?" says Bernard. Jin clearly understands Bernard's meaning if not the actual words, and says in Korean what looks like, "Be my guest," and starts to walk away, so Bernard starts begging him to stay: "I just want to get my wife home. Rose." Jin looks at him for a moment, not unsympathetically, but still says, "Sorry," and walks away, leaving Bernard during his bad day with black rocks.
Locke is sitting on the beach for the first time in I don't know how long. Rose strolls up and amiably says, "You're in my spot," like, it's a big beach, Rose. Locke says he can move. "Can you?" she says, looking at him pointedly. Locke says that's funny, although his smile is more sardonic than anything. Rose settles in beside him and says that it looks like his sense of humour got trapped under the door along with his legs, like how nice of you to join Locke and make fun of his leg-crushing accident. "I saw your husband walking through the jungle, hauling rocks," says Locke, and Rose says that he's building a big sign to be seen by the satellites. Locke smiles at Rose's slight sarcasm. "The man doesn't know the difference between an errand and a fool's errand," she continues, a line that sounds like it could have used a rewrite. "Well, Rose, most of us don't," says Locke. So she asks him what he's doing out of the hatch, and he says he's done with the hatch. Place just hasn't been the same since Ana-Lucia moved in, hey? Rose says he's just frustrated because of what happened to his leg, but he'll be up and about in no time. "And yet, Jack said it would be at least four weeks," he says. Rose looks directly at him and says, "But honey, you and I both know it's not going to take that long." Locke looks at her, and Rose holds his gaze. Then he smiles, realizing that Rose also knows about his secret. He smiles, and looks out over the ocean.
Flashback to Rose being led, with some trepidation, in to see Isaac. There are crutches and walkers hanging on the walls and from the ceiling. Over to one side is a wall covered in notes and cards from adults and children thanking Isaac for healing them. Isaac strolls in, and I thought it was Patrick Stewart of all people, and I thought, "Wow, Capt. Picard's Australian accent is really, really good." He invites her to have a seat, and she asks him how this whole nonsense works. She doesn't use the word "nonsense," but her tone conveys it quite clearly. "There are certain places with great energy, spots on the Earth like the one we're above now. Perhaps this energy is geological, magnetic. Or perhaps it's something else." "Magnetic"? If only we could connect this to Craphole Island somehow! He says that when possible, he harnesses the energy and gives it to others. Then he holds his hands near Rose's face and closes his eyes. His hands quiver slightly, and he holds them there for about ten seconds, and then suddenly opens his eyes, looking somewhat scared, and says he can't do anything for her. "I didn't expect you to," she says, like her suspicions have been confirmed.
She walks over to the window, and looks out to see Bernard crouched down, talking to a little girl on crutches. Isaac says, "It's not that you can't be healed. Like I said, there's different energies. This is not the right place for you." "Where is the right place?" she asks softly. Isaac says he wishes he knew, and then offers to return Bernard's donation, but Rose tells him not to: "I'm going to tell him you fixed me." And then, what happens when you die, right on schedule?
In the jungle, things are about to get dramatic, which we know because it's raining. Jack asks what Kate meant when she said the Others were sophisticated or whatever, and she fills him in on her excursion with Claire (she doesn't mention Rousseau) where they went into the jungle and found another hatch: "Like a medical station. There's nothing you can use, it was all cleared out." She explains about the lockers, with the ratty clothes and the makeup kit and fake beard. Jack wants to know when she was going to tell him this. Kate says, "When you decided to let me back in the club," and complains about not being told about Faux Henry, because everybody has to act like children on this stupid island.
Fortunately, the bickering gets interrupted because Jack realizes they've come to the clearing where the Others took a shot at Sawyer (and unfortunately missed). "Right over there was where they pushed you out of the jungle with the bag on your head," he says, because she might need her memory jogged about that happening.
So he starts yelling out to the trees that he's back, and he's got their man, and if they want him back they're going to have to come on out. Kate tries to get him to calm down, but he's too busy yelling at the spin-cam. "I know you're out there! I know you can hear me!" and so forth. "Jack, they're not here," says Kate, but Jack keeps yelling about how he'll be right there and he knows what they did last summer.
Having alienated everyone else, Bernard is on the beach hauling rocks for his giant sign. Rose comes up carrying a bowl, saying she brought him some supper. Bernard perfunctorily thanks her and says she can set it down, which she does. Then she annoyingly asks where everyone is, and Bernard gives her the big ol' stink-eye. But she came to apologize, not because she shot him down in front of everybody, but because back in Australia, Isaac didn't heal her. "Of course he did," he says. "Bernard, he didn't heal me. But that doesn't mean I'm not healed," she says.
And we flashback to Rose and Bernard sitting in the airport in Australia, Bernard digging the tickets out of his bag, with Craphole Island Rose narrating for us: "When you're sick and you have got something inside you that doesn't belong there you can feel it," like what kind of happy horseshit is this? Yes, that's why a cancer diagnosis is never a surprise to anyone, because they could feel it inside them. Bernard takes the tickets, squeezes Rose's hand, and they smile at each other, and he strolls over in the direction of a phone bank. In the present day, Rose says that after the crash she couldn't feel her whatever, her illness, anymore. "At first I thought it was just shock. But it wasn't. It's this place." Bernard's awfully confused, because she told him that Isaac fixed her. "I told you that so that you wouldn't spend what time we had left trying to do something."
Bernard's theories are that she's just in remission, or maybe Isaac did heal her after all. "How do you know that he didn't heal you?" he says. "I know," she says simply.
And we flash back again to the airport, Rose sitting by herself, fumbling in her purse for something. She drops a prescription bottle, and it rolls along the floor into the hand of…Locke, sitting in his wheelchair. He picks them up and hands them over to her. She thanks him, and he says she's welcome, and goes rolling on by.
Back on Craphole Island, Rose says again, "Trust me. I know." And in case anybody had any trouble figuring it out, Bernard spells it out: "You don't want to be rescued, do you?" he says. Rose doesn't answer, but Bernard says she thinks if she leaves it'll come back. But no problemo: if Rose can't leave, neither can Bernard. "We won't ever leave, Rose." He kisses her, and they hug, and Rose starts bawling. Bernard says he'd offer to take down the sign, but they didn't get very far, and a crane shot shows us that they hadn't even made it around the first curve of one S. I'd say that just because these two don't want to leave the island is no reason not to try to get everyone else rescued, but if nobody else wants to work on the sign, fuck 'em. And the one and only Otis Redding takes us out, singing "These Arms of Mine," just like he was on Rose's radio in the first flashback scene, and taking me back to Grade 7 where every damn birthday party I went to featured the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, like can someone please explain to me what Patrick Swayze is up to, so I can go find him and punch him for all the times I had to listen to that "She's like the wind" nonsense, like doing that 12-year-old slow-dance thing, with the your-hands-on-her-hips locked-knee synchronized-swaying thing you do, is nerve-racking enough without that crap blaring over the junior-high gymnasium speakers, thank you very much. And that "Now I…had…the time of my life" song was played about a dozen times at the last school dance because every class had to request it so all their friends would know that they…had…the time of their lives, and we owe it all to them.
Anyway, in the hatch, it's Locke listening to the Redding, and I hope to God that's a best-of Otis playing and not the soundtrack. Ana-Lucia comes in and looks at Locke, and she's got hungry eyes. One look at Locke and she can't disguise. She tells him that she pushed his button. "It's not my button," he says. She smiles, and asks where he went, and he says he just needed to stretch his legs.
He hobbles back over to the computer, lays the crutches against the desk, picks up his pen, and starts sketching -- and this time things seem to be coming back to him a lot easier, and he starts to smile.
We need a montage! I will not complain if this show wants to end on an Otis Redding-backed musical montage every single episode. It's night. Charlie and Eko are working on the church, which has to be the most physical labour Charlie has ever had to do in his life. Looks like they're starting to put up the frame. Jin's running his fingers over Sun's belly, like, it's going to be a while before you can feel anything there, Daddio. Much speculation has been made over Sun's expression, but I find it fairly inscrutable myself. To me, she doesn't look pensive so much as simply reflective. Claire is making goo-goo faces at Aaron's massive head. At first I had no idea what Hurley was doing with Libby. Turns out he's making shadow puppets, much to her amusement. I thought he was trying to demonstrate some Kama Sutra possibilities. A much leaner-looking Vincent strolls up while Sawyer chomps on some food, because a dog is the only person who will give Sawyer any attention anymore. As dogs go, Vincent's quite subtle about the begging, but noted animal lover Sawyer scowls and gives him some food because, oh right, he's a big softie at heart. And there's Bernard and Rose, cuddling by the fire.
In the jungle, Jack and Kate are not cuddling by the fire. "How long are you going to wait, Jack?' says Kate, who looks bored to tears. "Until I get my voice back. Then I'm going to yell some more." Well, that'll be entertaining. Kate looks around, and then suggests that maybe they can't hear him, but Jack confidently says they can.
After a moment, Kate switches subjects entirely: "I'm sorry I kissed you," she says. Just what every guy loves to hear. Jack seems to take it not as a statement of actual regret so much as an acknowledgement that maybe the circumstances aren't right for them to start thinking about doing the Humpty Dance, which I think is probably right, and he thinks for a moment and comes up with the perfect response: "I'm not." They gaze into each other's eyes for a moment, and then there's the sound of movement in the bush.
Then they spot someone carrying a torch, running through the jungle, someone sounding scared and exhausted. He runs right up to them and falls flat on his face; they roll him over and are shocked to discover that it's a practically unconscious Michael. I think they can be forgiven for not recognizing him running through the jungle, even if viewers could, since he wasn't yelling "Waaaaaaalllllt!" at the top of his lungs.