Previously: Bert died. None of us cared, but apparently everyone on the show does. Paige was really irritating. We learned that Dead Fed Bert Summers placed a couple of bets with Malloy's henchman, Nine Fingers Leon With the Speech Impediment.
Bakery. Roy and Donovan come to collect on the baker's bet. He doesn't have the $880 he owes them, so Roy goes apeshit and shoves the baker's face into the wedding cake he's frosting. Then he frosts the back of the guy's head and tosses his face into a vat of batter. "Oh, that's original," Donovan notes, pleased, but then calmly assures Roy that the baker is good for the cash. "No more grace periods," Roy snarls as the boys leave.
The Mob Bar. Blair's working the bar and talking to a kid about a bartending gig. Malloy sees the kid and gets his panties all in a wad. Guess this guy -- Jesse Sherwood -- was a decent college baseball player for Clemson. Malloy can't believe Jesse isn't playing ball. Jesse says he gave it a shot, but.... "How old are you?" Malloy wonders. Jesse says that he's thirty-one. Malloy says that's nothing. Well, it's pretty old to be breaking into the big leagues, Malloy. Someone who watches SportsCenter as often as you do should know that. "I know talent. Talent, I know. And talent like yours does not belong behind a bar," Malloy says. Okay. In addition to "that's that with that," I call for an end to "I know [blank]. [Blank], I know." Everyone, please make a note. Thank you. Malloy says he knows the new owner of the Mockingbirds, the AA franchise in Richmond. "You wanna try out?" Jesse hems and haws, but Malloy talks him into it. "Consider yourself in training," he says, and heads upstairs. "Nice guy, huh?" Jesse asks Blair. "Very," Blair drawls. With this, and the "self-righteous" comment about Malloy from Blair last week, I'm beginning to wonder if Blair maybe hates Malloy as much as I do. In which case: marry me, Blair.
FBI. Lisa checks in on the tech guy -- the Marshall of this show, I guess, although his name is George. He has something for her to hear, from Roy's undercover surveillance. She puts on headphones and listens. It's Leon, explaining that Dead Fed Bert Summers placed a few bets with Malloy's men. Lisa looks perplexed.
We head over to the local Best Buy. Paige and some gruff middle-aged good old boy agent I'm going to call Bubba are on a "pick-up and deliver" of a woman who stole some credit cards. Paige is all, "But at Quantico...." And Bubba's like, "Word to the wise: this is not Quantico. I cuff. You cover." Paige is all twitchy and nervous about not doing things by the book.
Back room. The perp is smoking. Some Best Buy dude is stocking TVs; there's very little room to walk around. "I got it," Bubba says, when Paige tries to talk to the stock-room kid. They wind their way around boxes to "Vera Fleming," the smoking pregnant perp. Bubba announces that he has a warrant for her arrest. Vera makes a lot of noise about not being able to fly, she's pregnant, it hurts to have her wrists cuffed behind her back because she's pregnant, blah blah pregnant pregnant blah. Bubba tells her they can cuff her in front, and as the two of them tussle around the boxes, the fascinated stock boy loses his train of thought and drops a TV with a very loud smash. As Paige turns to look, Vera turns into Sydney Bristow and slices the side of Bubba's face with a box cutter while simultaneously kicking him into some boxes and grabbing his gun. thing you know, Paige and Vera are in a standoff, there's a whole lot of "drop the gun," and a bunch of "don't shoot my baby," and Vera backs to the door, whimpering that she just wants to have her baby. Paige watches as their perp lets herself out with her security card and books. Just shoot her in the ass, Paige. Instead, Paige tries to chase her, but has to run back to get an access card from the stock room boy. Bubba is all, "I AM BLEEDING HERE," but everyone ignores him, poor man. After a lot of looking irritated, Paige finally gets outside, Bubba following her, all bloody, but Vera is long gone. Paige stamps her food petulantly.
Credits. Dear Jeffery D. Sams, you are so cute. Why aren't you on this show anymore?
Jennifer's house. She's got a new haircut (which I don't really like), what appears to be a new husband, and two new children. Hello, recasting. Jennifer and Mr. Bitter and Emasculated look for Wee Girl Sampson's homework. Apparently, it's lost, and Mr. Bitter and Emasculated wants to let the kid fry. Jennifer points out that the kid is only eight, and she's not sending her to school without her homework. New Boy Sampson Spawn brats that she never did her homework at all. "Yes, I did," New Girl Sampson Spawn retorts. "I'm not doubting you, Joanie, but it's always better to tell a truth than a lie," Jennifer tells her. Blah blah blah, oh, the trials of being a working mother, Jennifer gets beeped and asks Bitter and Emasculated if he can take the kids in. "I've got a job, too," he whines. "Carl," Jennifer snaps, but leaves off the rest of that sentence, which is, "I am in the FBI and you're not."
Feds. Paige is in deep shit with the big boss. "Wait. So, you didn't shoot out of concern for the baby?" Lisa asks. Paige says she didn't believe that the woman..... "'Believe'?" Lisa interrupts her. "She could have dropped you. You should be dead right now, Van Doren." From your lips to God's ears, Lisa. "Bert Summers is dead because he didn't shoot. The agent. That you replaced. Is dead. Because he didn't shoot. Does that mean anything to you? You're West Point, Van Doren, you're FBI. You're trained to act, not react. Taxpayers put a lot of money into you. It's time you started earning it." The only way I could enjoy Lisa's dressing-down of Paige more would be if she took out her gloves and slapped Paige across the face. "Yes ma'am," Paige whines, "but Agent [Bubba]...." Lisa snaps that if Agent Bubba fucked up, it's still Paige's job to fix it. "You never, ever let anyone put your ass in a sling," Lisa tells her. Paige looks mortally offended. "Yes ma'am," she forces out. Lisa rubs her eyes. "So, now, I've got an agent in the hospital and a fugitive on the run with his weapon," she says, kindly leaving off the "and it's ALL YOUR FAULT" part of that sentence. Paige looks down at her bloody shirt and says nothing. "I'm gonna give this to you," Lisa finally says, telling Paige to go change and come right back. Retrieving Vera is now Paige's case and her responsibility. "Yes, ma'am," Paige says for the seven thousandth time.
That done, Lisa bustles out of her office and drags Jennifer and Jennifer's overly layered new haircut into the coffee room. Seriously, Jennifer? You're such a pretty girl. Get your hair out of your face. Lisa bitches to Jennifer about how badly Bubba screwed up at the Best Buy. "He was trying to impress her. As if he ever had a shot," she sniffs, pouring some coffee. I know it's practical and all, but the lack of high heels on this show hurts me. I feel like all of these practical yet expensive pantsuits would look so much nicer with heels. Shoes are important, people. And it's not like this show is a bastion of realism otherwise. Anyway, Lisa explains that Bubba was cuffing Vera in front, not in back, like, yes, we know, we saw the whole thing, and Jennifer is all rolling her eyes and yada yada yada, Lisa wants Jennifer to supervise Paige's investigation. Jennifer says nothing, but her expression says oodles. "What?" Lisa snaps. "Did she freeze?" Jennifer finally asks. Lisa doesn't know. "I thought she was all squared away. A little gung ho, maybe," Jennifer begins. Lisa knows. "Okay," Jennifer agrees.
Split-screen to the office of Eddie, the new owner of the Richmond Mockingbirds. He's finishing up some paperwork, while Malloy waits around and looks at his knickknacks. Because, as we all know, no one knows who Malloy is, or cares. Eddie and Malloy shoot the shit a bit, and finally Eddie invites Malloy to sit. "I assume you've got some new paper product that my business can't leave without?" he smiles. Paper products? Interesting front for a mob boss. If by "interesting," you mean "dull and humorless," which I do. Frankly, it is, yet again, pretty obvious that Malloy is no scarier than your average sixth-grade girl. Actually, that's not fair: sixth-grade girls can be very cruel. Anyway, Malloy announces that he came to talk baseball, and explains that he and the old owner used to talk ball all the time. Eddie doesn't care. Malloy continues, explaining that he ran into someone Eddie might be interested in: Jesse Sherwood. Eddie knows all about Jesse Sherwood. And Eddie doesn't care about Jesse Sherwood. He doesn't want to have anything to do with Jesse Sherwood. Malloy starts fondling a bat on Eddie's desk. "Well, as a favor, then?" Malloy says in his I'm Threatening voice, which is really more like I Got Beat Up On the Playground a Lot as a Kid, And Now I'm Out for Revenge, But Everyone Still Has a Better Right Hook Than I Do voice. "To whom?" Eddie wonders easily. "To me," Malloy tells him. Eddie sighs. "No disrespect, Jonah. I'm sure you're very good at what you do. But I like to think that I'm pretty sharp at my own game. But just as I wouldn't presume to advise you on your business...." He waves a hand. Malloy squeals that he's not advising. He's sharing some friendly information! And Eddie appreciates it. But he "comes from a different school" than the old owner did: "I believe in stats, not chat. And as you can see, I've been pretty successful at it. So, if it's okay with you, why don't I do what I do and you do what you do. Deal?" He grins. Malloy rubs the bat. I really could live the rest of my life without watching David Paymer fondling any more phallic objects, thanks. "Fine, Eddie. I'll do what I do," Malloy responds. And you'd think that would be scary coming from a mob boss, but it really just sounds like what he does is grade Physics exams. "You're always welcome, Jonah," Eddie grins.
Todd, hot, hot, Todd, where have you been? Maybe at the gym, working on your fine-ass body? Well, right now he's questioning a Best Buy guy about Vera. The kid knows nothing. Todd asks about the security camera mounted in the parking lot; he gets the film and goes inside to watch it on the TV display in the store. "There's our girl," he says, watching grainy film of Vera hopping in a car and driving off. "Jackpot," he says. I love you, Todd. Can you go undercover as, say, a male exotic dancer week?
Speaking of guys I'd like to see without their shirts on, Roy comes strolling down the street. He notices a red flag stuck in a can on a balcony, makes a face, and looks at his watch. He turns around and goes the other way. It's the Bat Signal! Kinda low-rent, though. Not to mention weirdly suspicious-looking.
The Mysterious Warehouse of Undercover Hoo-Ha. Lisa. Roy. Roy complains about the short notice, and she makes him listen to Nine-Fingered Leon lisping about how Poor Dead Fed Bert placed some bets with Malloy's gang. "You were following me?" Roy asks. Um, Roy? You're undercover! The whole point of that is so that the FBI can listen in. Lisa reminds him that they were protecting him, and informs him that they've finally got the "Canal Club" wired. She wants to know why the hell he didn't follow up on the fact that Poor Dead Fed Bert was placing bets with the very guy he's supposed to be flipping. Roy is all, "Whatever, they're both dead." Lisa is like, "Yeah, but who knows what else he was up to, and how dumb are you, anyway?" Roy acts like this is blowing his mind, although it sounds like a good question to me. "Why is Malloy always one step ahead of us?" Lisa asks. "I mean, he's smart, but he's not that smart." Word. Anyway, Lisa wants some answers, and she wants them now. "I need to know if Bert was dirty." Roy rolls against a wall with his mouth open, like he's having some kind of seizure. Get a grip, Roy. "Can you do this?" Lisa asks. Roy blinks. "I understand if you can't. I know he was your best friend. But I need to know now." Roy looks all steely. "Do your job, Lisa. I'll do mine," he says, which is not really an answer, and stomps away. "Good!" Lisa calls after him.
FBI. Jennifer. Paige. They've got a partial read on Vera's license plate, but it's led to nothing. Amiel pops in to tell the ladies that Vera had priors for assault and possession, and Paige is all, "I knew it! I knew it!" Jennifer quietly tells her to let it go. "Good?" Amiel asks shortly, gives both the girls a nasty look, and storms off. Is he still all worked up about Dead Fed Bert getting shot? Because his cranky behavior is boring me. Also, where the hell has he been? Are he and Todd off drinking and playing golf together, or something? Anyway, to get back to this rather boring plot line, Jennifer kindly talks Paige through finding known associates of the deeply charming Vera. Paige has only located a sister, the one who called in the complaint to begin with. "Her sister called in the complaint? Well, that's interesting," Jennifer says in measured tones, which clearly scream, "Why didn't you mention that to begin with, numb nuts?"
They go see the sister, who's played by an actress I've seen in tons of other things, none of which I can think of right now. Maybe I saw her in an episode of The X-Files, since every actor in the world has been on The X-Files. Jennifer tells "Joleen" -- who has a big old black eye -- that her sister is, in fact, a piece of work. Paige is all, "Do you know where she is? What about friends? Does she have any?" But Joleen is no help. She finally admits that she knows Vera's been stealing credit cards since high school, but that she called the cops this time because Vera finally stole Joleen's. Also, she's on PCP. "PCP? She's pregnant," Jennifer says. "Yeah, she says it helps with the nausea," Joleen drawls, and I'm going to hell because I laughed at that line. She just said it so deadpan. Anyway, Vera owed Joleen all this money, and then Vera went and decked her, and stole her credit cards and Joleen's just had enough!
Malloy Manor, which seems to also be some kind of frat-house common room for Malloy's guys, and let me tell you, if I were Janet Malloy, I would not want all these men lounging around my living room all day long. I would also be looking to have an affair with the pool boy because...well, David Paymer is a fine actor, but a raging hottie he is not. Anyway, Malloy comes in, all irritable that Eddie didn't want to indulge his stupid fantasy about being a baseball scout, and he's also annoyed that Donovan ate the last piece of pie. Donovan can't believe that Eddie was so mean to Malloy. "And then he stole my lunch money!" Malloy whines. He tells Donovan that he's never wanted to see anyone dead as much as he wants to see Eddie dead. You are the head of a crime family, and this is the thing that's gotten you the most worked up, ever? You've never been flipped, you've never had anything stolen from you, you've seen your brother whacked, nobody's ever fucked your girlfriend? Dude, Jonah, you need to get out more. Enter Roy, who realizes that he's sort of interrupting something, but Malloy says he isn't and just stomps off to play with his chemistry set and dream of revenge. Donovan asks Roy where he was, and Roy intimates that he was getting laid. "Got any more of that pie?" he wonders. Donovan snaps that they don't, and suggests that Roy go get some. Roy wonders what crawled up Donovan's butt, and Donovan is all, "You seem to be forgetting your place in the food chain awfully quick. Know what I mean?" And I have a confession to make. I think Donovan is kind of hot. There, I said it. Don't judge me. Roy sits down and thoughtfully eats a banana, asking who's taking over Dead Charlie's book. Donovan is all, "See? You don't even listen to me." Roy yelps that it's business, and that he can do it. "Leon's taking it," Donovan tells him. "Seniority." And Roy is all, but Leon has nine fingers and a speech impediment and I am so pretty! Donovan tells him to shut it.
Lisa heads over to Poor Dead Fed Bert's house, where Estelle, Dead Fed's widow, is loading up a moving van. They exchange pleasantries, but Lisa tells her -- fairly nicely -- that it's not a social visit. She needs to look through all their things and search the house. And she can't tell her why. She's actually really pretty nice about it, although matter-of-fact, but Estelle looks pissed and also chubby in the shirt they've put her in.
The Diner. Leon. Roy. "I didn't do nothing, man," Leon says by way of greeting. He does have his elusive tenth finger sewed back on, it appears. Thank God. Now I can sleep. Roy announces that he's just there for some pie. He's not there to cut off any more appendages. "I hear you're taking over Charlie's book," he drawls, and congratulates Leon on the promotion. Roy then admits that he himself isn't very good at numbers: "I just haven't got your know-how, you know." Leon -- good-natured, stupid Leon -- offers to teach him to the ropes "in about an hour." Roy hides a smile.
Meanwhile, the Feds swarm an alley, where they've found Vera's car. The driver's seat is covered in amniotic fluid. "Her water broke," Paige clarifies needlessly. "Yep," Jennifer sighs.
After the ads, Jennifer and Paige talk outside a convenience store, where Vera bought soda, chips, and extra-absorbent sanitary napkins. My favorite lunch! Jennifer tells Paige that they need to call the hospitals, buses, and cab companies. I must admit that, while I like Jennifer, this plot isn't very compelling. I don't care about the well-being of the perp, because she's never done anything very sympathetic other than getting herself knocked up, and I certainly don't care if Paige manages to fix her fuck-up or not. Which means I spend all these scenes examining my manicure and succeeding in not changing the channel only because I am contractually obligated not to do so.
Malloy's Party House. Leon and Jesse The Baseball Player shoot the shit. Enter Malloy, who gives Jesse a hard time about drinking beer. "That's that with that! You're in training!" he scolds, taking away the bottle. Okay. I sort of laughed at that one. I am not, by any means, a "that's that with that" fan, but I enjoy it much more when it's a throwaway line, rather than a ponderous statement designed to strike fear into my heart. "I got a try-out?" Jesse asks. "Let me worry about that," Malloy says, before taking Jesse out back, where he's set up a batting cage because he has no sense of how weird this little obsession of his is.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Donovan and Leon sit and watch TV. "Where's Roy?" Donovan asks. Leon says he just saw him, but Roy told him to keep it quiet. "He wanted to me to school him on the book." Donovan is all, "Huh?" "He's a slow learner," Leon explains. Donovan makes a skeptical face. "What else did he tell you not to tell me?" he asks. Roy, please tell me you didn't actually think Leon would keep this a secret.
Over at Poor Dead Fed Bert's house, Lisa is done combing through all of his belongings. She tells one of her flunkies to clean everything up. "Find anything?" asks Estelle, the widow. "Or is that classified? Need to know?" Oh, Estelle. You were married to an FBI agent. I can't believe this is the first time you've been in a situation where you don't get all the answers. Lisa apologizes again, but Estelle won't have it, and reminds Lisa that her husband died for the Bureau, and it still didn't get him any respect. Lisa -- who is, really, just doing her job -- tells Estelle to send her the moving bill. And Estelle is all, "And that makes everything better?" Lisa apologizes and says that this is hard for her, too. "You'll get over it after you slam back a few," Estelle snaps. Oh, burn. Instead of saying, "And you'll get over it when you change out of that really unflattering top," Lisa just says goodbye and leaves.
Roy's. He's...oh, dear God. He's removing a recording device from his pants. Hang on. I need to lie down for a moment. Okay. Donovan is at the door; Roy hides the device and lets him in. Donovan looks around. Roy wants get out of his apartment tout de suite and suggests that they go get a drink. But Donovan wants to listen to the messages on Roy's machine. And so he does. One of them is from Bambi, canceling their movie date. "Taking whores to dinner, now?" Donovan grins. Instead of reminding Donovan that he married one, Roy just tells Donovan to cut him some slack because he just got out of the joint. The second message is from Leon. After I listen to this message like nine times -- like, why decide to have the character with the speech impediment be the one delivering vital plot points? -- I decipher that Leon is telling Roy that Poor Dead Fed Bert Summers owed "two large when he checked out." Roy has a terrible poker face and gives Donovan this "oh, shit" look. Donovan goes apeshit, throwing the phone at the wall and grabbing Roy by the throat and slamming him into the door. There's a lot of yelling and Roy insists...something that I can't understand...and then Donovan cruelly puts a bullet right through Roy's dog calendar. Roy yells and grabs his ears, since the bullet did whiz right past them. Donovan is all, "See what you're doing to me? I killed your puppy calendar!" Donovan lectures Roy, saying he's making him look bad and he doesn't listen to anything Donovan tells him. Roy explains the Bert Summers thing by saying that he thought if they had a Fed on the line, they could flip him and get some inside dope on the FBI. I don't understand how they're going to flip a dead guy, but whatever. Anyway, Donovan yells that he already tried to flip Poor Dead Fed Bert Summers, but Bert wouldn't go for it. He insisted on paying the debts. So now we know that Bert Summers was clean, although not really all that clean if he was placing bets with someone he knew was in the mob, but whatever. Roy and Donovan sort of kiss and make up, Roy saying he just wants to impress Malloy and Blair. Donovan is all, "What do you care about Blair?" Still holding his ears, Roy yelps that Blair is number two. "Right?" Donovan, of course, yells that he is number two. This whole show is number two. Hee. I am twelve. "You want to impress someone, you impress me," Donovan says, stomping out. Roy takes a deep breath and begins mourning the death of his dog calendar.
Jennifer and Paige finally catch a break: Vera made a call to a residence about three blocks away. They get into the car and speed off.
Over at the FBI, Amiel tells Lisa that Estelle just called, and that she's freaking out. Lisa says that she can't tell him anything about what went down with poor Estelle. "It doesn't involve you," she says, and he gets all insane about how Poor Dead Fed Bert was his partner and whatnot. "It doesn't involve you. Drop it," Lisa tells him, and heads to her office, looking more than ever like she needs a drink. I feel you, sister.
Across town, Eddie the Baseball Guy is peeing. He gets kidnapped from the urinal. Yeah, that's rough.
So, Jennifer is on the phone with Carl whilst she and Paige stake out the house Vera called. They bicker, and she hangs up and turns to Paige, telling her that Carl thinks she ought to be tougher with little Joanie, but that she doesn't want to be the bad cop at home. "Nobody would," Paige says sympathetically. "Can I ask you something? If you were me, would you have pulled the trigger?" Paige asks. Jennifer thinks about this and comes up with a resounding "hell, yes." She's got two kids and a husband to come home to, she says. "But [Vera's] pregnant," Paige points out. Jennifer looks thoughtful and tells Paige that "it's better to be judged by twelve then carried by six," and then the person they were waiting for shows up and there's all this very dull exposition, and after, like, twenty minutes, we learn that Vera stole this woman's car, and that she wasn't pregnant half an hour ago.
Alley of Amniotic Fluid. The place is crawling with cops and canines, and no one's having any luck. Paige stands in the middle of the alley and closes her eyes and the camera goes all swirly around her and I guess she has Magical Hearing Powers now because she somehow manages to hear a baby crying in a dumpster that everyone else missed, like, for one thing, they TOTALLY would have checked that dumpster first off, and for another, Paige is MAGIC now? Whatever. I could have almost seen this plot point working if Jennifer had heard the baby. It would have had some nice resonance with this plot where she's having issues with her own children and second-guessing her own maternal abilities. The way it is here, though, Paige's sixth sense it seems to come out of nowhere, and said sixth sense serves only to rehabilitate Paige for acting like a moron in the first act. Also...seriously, is she magic now or something?
Malloy and Donovan enter a warehouse. Malloy says he doesn't like surprises, but Donovan thinks he's going to like this. It's Eddie the Baseball Guy, all trussed up like a turkey with a ball gag in his mouth. Donovan offers to let Malloy whack Eddie himself. Malloy is all, "What are you doing?" Donovan is all, "You just said you wanted to see him dead," and Malloy is all, "It wasn't an order, I was just sounding off," and Donovan is all, "So, wait. You don't want him dead?" And Malloy then delivers this whole speech about how he wants Eddie in his office, begging for a favor one day, so that Malloy can spit in his face, and I have several comments, naturally, namely that Eddie will never think to ask a favor from a man whose name he barely knows and whose business he doesn't know at all. If Eddie's mobbed up at all, it's probably with people a lot scarier than Malloy is. There's no reason for him to come to Malloy. Malloy doesn't have that kind of power. I hope, in fact, that this entire thing kicks off a gang war, ending with Malloy's getting whacked because I still think he couldn't work any less as the head of a crime family. They could have cast Hilary Duff in this role and it would have worked better. Anyway, Donovan is all, "Oh. My bad," and Malloy just asks him to clarify things with him before he gets out the old ball gag.
Paige and Jennifer wander out of the hospital, Paige whining and moaning about the baby. Who, at the very least, is going to live. Jennifer spouts some platitude about how taking babies out of the dumpster is the hard part of the job, and then they get some info about where Vera has been using her credit cards and blah blah blah, they realize Vera's heading to her sister's to get her stash. You mean they didn't have people stationed at her sister's house -- where Vera has been living! -- from the get-go? Jesus Christ, I knew that just from watching Law & Order.
Snore. Over to the sister's house. There's yelling and crying inside the house, and Paige bursts in to find Vera beating the tar out of her sister. Paige tells Vera to drop her gun or die. "Believe it," Paige announces, like she's some kind of bad-ass now, and Vera does, and then she bursts through a window into the back yard, like, I am so sure, and Paige chases her and catches her and cuffs her and gets a gold star for the day. Can we get back to the plot line where Todd and Roy go undercover as male underwear models to bust a prostitution ring? Oh, wait. That's just in my head.
Roy. Lisa. Warehouse of Secrets. Roy reiterates that Bert's clean. He was only betting on the games to make a better life for his family by building them a new kitchen. Wow, well, let's put him on a postage stamp, then. He was still crossing the line by placing bets with THE MAFIA. Whatever. Roy assures Lisa that Bert never flipped. "Are you sure?" she asks. Roy practically staggers backward, so shocked is he that Lisa doubts him. "Am I sure?" he stammers. "I could have died bringing this to you. Yeah, I'm sure. I told you Bert was clean. You should have know it, too." You're awfully naïve and idealistic for someone who just spent two years in jail, Roy. Lisa had to follow up on that tip. It's her job, pretty-boy. Anyway, Roy makes some noise about how the three of them were so close back in Los Angeles, and they were supposed to be friends to the end, yada yada. "That was a long time ago," Lisa dismisses him. "Not so long ago," he tells her. "This is what happens when you start sucking up to the Director. You sell out your friends." Lisa gives Roy a very dirty look, as well she should. "You are way out of line," she tells him. "Shame on you," Roy snaps, and stomps away. What a sanctimonious little baby he's turning out to be. She's doing her job, asshole.
Jennifer, sitting to Vera in the squad car, talks on her cell phone to her little girl about her day at school. Apparently, the new hard line is that Joanie's homework is Joanie's responsibility. Don't let me forget to record that in my diary. Jennifer rolls her eyes sadly and tells her little girl to call her back when she stops crying. She looks miserable. "Tough love," Paige says. "Part of the job," Jennifer groans, and compliments Paige on her work capturing Vera. Who, I would think, they would be taking to the hospital in an ambulance, since she, first, just gave birth in a car, and then, second, just lept through a glass window, but whatever. Paige looks pleased with herself. Jennifer leans over to ask Vera about her baby, but, guess what? Vera's dead! Jennifer swears and tells Paige to turn around: "We got to go to the hospital." Should have called an ambulance in the first place, idiots. God, is anyone on this show operating with more than double digit IQ? Other than poor booze-soaked Lisa, I mean.
Jennifer and Paige sit in the hospital and look sad that they killed that nice PCP addict. Apparently, she didn't pass the placenta, and bled out. "EMTs checked her at the scene," Jennifer says. Okay. Then why didn't they close up that enormo gash she had on her forehead in the scene in the car? Continuity people, please report to my office. Jennifer looks like she's going to cry, as the doctor tells them that they did the best they could. Paige takes off to do their paperwork, and Jennifer looks sniffly. Instead of going home to her own babies, though, she goes into the nursery and holds Vera's. Who probably could use a little TLC, I'll admit. Poor little baby. Jennifer begins to sing, and we close out the show with YET ANOTHER musical montage, this time to the tune of Jennifer's rendition of "Mockingbird." Which is nice and touching and all, but I'm beginning to suspect that the writers here are at a bit of a loss as to how to write an ending. And endings are totally hard. But four musical montage endings in four episodes is really not acceptable.
But okay. Let's do this montage: first off, Estelle and her ugly shirt and her fatherless babies drive away from their house. Those are some cheery kids, considering that their dad just got shot.
Eddie emerges into traffic with a bag over his head.
Malloy coaches Jesse on his swing.
Lisa looks at a tape of Roy's surveillance, and seems sad.
Roy drinks a cup of coffee on his stoop and feels bad about being so mean to Lisa.
And Jennifer coos at the baby. And we're out! Dear writers: for Christmas, please learn to write an ending without a montage. Thanks! And Happy New Year to the rest of you all.