By Couch Baron
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Two days after the stabbing, Ed has departed for parts upstate, and Patrick, while having escaped any real internal damage, is not really in position to resume his training in time to be ready for the Reynolds fight, which is two months away. Unfortunately, Barry tells him that if he doesn't keep the date, he'll be replaced on the card unless he puts up some astronomical amount of money. Johnny floats the idea of asking Brennan for it, but Patrick's down on him to start and gets more so when he finds out he's dating Margaret, so instead, Patrick goes to Brennan's sleazy doctor brother and gets shot up with some healing steroids. They don't work, and it's beside the point anyway, as Barry is convinced that Patrick won't make the date and gets Reynolds to go along with fighting someone else. Patrick finds out that Theresa is planning to give up her residency so she can make some real money, and on the heels of that, Mikey Fumbles informs him that Reynolds is going to fight this other dude and then retire, so Patrick chases Reynolds down at his restaurant and enrages him so much by, essentially, calling him a scrub, that they get into a very public brawl. After that, Reynolds tells Barry he's fighting Patrick come hell or high water, and the Learys go to Brennan, who's only too happy to cover the cash they need. I'd complain about how INCREDIBLY LONG it's taking to get to the fight, but at least they gave us a bare-knuckled taste of it.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!In front of the Leary mansion, Mikey Fumbles, or The Only Boxing Reporter In The Tri-State Area, is broadcasting a live (as if) report in which he tells us that police are still searching for the unknown assailant that stabbed Patrick. And seriously, I know the show has a real selective memory, but Patrick, since the show started, has been arrested on suspicion of a brutal assault, rumored to participate in cage fighting with illegal gambling tied in, and now stabbed under shady circumstances. How exactly is he still being promoted as the "good guy" here? Speaking of he whose heart is so pure, he's lying on the couch convalescing, and as Fumbles continues that the attack took place two nights earlier and involved "a homeless man," Patrick tells Stacy Keach via the telephone that it's a minor wound and only required a couple of stitches, so with Patrick's historically epic lying tendencies I'd guess the doctors had to remove an entire chunk of his side and possibly his spleen along with it. I will give credit to the makeup department, as Patrick kind of looks like shit, and I'd doubt Barry K. entering with a bunch of balloons is going to help, even without seeing the "Fan-TASTIC" look on Patrick's face. Katie, however, is a cheap date, so she oohs and ahs over the balloons as even Daniella looks thrilled, like, if you were going to turn your "He could DIEEEEEEE" frowny-faced attitude toward anyone, I'd expect it to be Barry K. Word. Character inconsistencies aside, though, Theresa leads the girls out away from Barry hamming it up for their benefit, but after they're gone, things get real as Patrick tells him he'll be back to training in a month, to which Barry is like, "Your fight is booked for two months from now, moron." He adds that if they postpone now, they're looking at a half a million dollars in penalties, so if Patrick doesn't fight, someone else will. I would imagine it's not quite that simple, as the network surely has to feel that Patrick's replacement is comparable in terms of draw, but I certainly wouldn't expect Barry to step on his own argument here. Indicating the fruit bowl on the table, he grandly tells Patrick that he should eat some grapes. "They've got Vitamin E and flavonoids! Good for healing." You guys, I don't know what I'd do without Barry. And considering that Patrick apparently knows fuck-all about nutrition, the advice is probably not without use. When Barry's gone, Patrick pops a pill in frustration, which is a very dramatic way to go to opening credits.