Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Teenage Mutant(s). Ninja Turtles.
By Lady Lola | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.15.2010
's plans with her friends. Baze sharply says he follows a different parenting method: trust. Daddy Bazebucks says Baze's parenting skills are about as on-point as his business model. Baze takes this cue to snatch back and microscopically fold his sad, little business model before telling his dad to see himself out.Later, Cate and Lux primp together for their respective night on the town. Cate wonders why Lux didn't have her get-together at their house. Lux unknowingly piles on top of Cate's insecurities by saying Baze's place is "more... casual" (read: less stick-up-the-ass). She assures Cate it's no big deal, but Cate notes that the amount of eye shadow she's wearing suggests otherwise. Lux admits she's never thrown a party before. Cate belies her terminal unhipness by asking if Lux needs some money to buy sodas and sub sandwiches for the other young whippersnappers. Lux says Baze should have it covered. He does own a bar, after all. Still, you can see that Cate's disheartened she couldn't chip in. The doorbell rings, and Lux leaves her to stew on her inadequacies. At the door, Lux finds Tasha and Bug all excited about their surprise night for her. They got a car to take her to see Sean of the Dead at a nearby drive-in movie theater. Lux realizes she's in a jam and quickly cooks up some story about feeling really sick and staying in for the night. With perfectly bad timing, Cate shouts out that they're leaving for Baze's in five minutes. Lux covers that Baze is watching her since Cate's out for the night. Bug and Tasha apparently don't notice the uncharacteristic amount of makeup she's wearing and tell her they'll do it another time. They leave, and Lux stands by the door with a guilty look on her face.
Still, she soldiers on to the bar, which is now outfitted with a snazzy (read: possibly made by fifth graders) turtle racing sign. Lux helps him hang it, admitting she feels bad about lying to her friends. Baze tells her not to worry because she'll have a good night making inroads to non-outcast status. The Other One finishes assembling the turtle track and asks Baze what he's done to publicize this reptilian monster truck rally. Baze is all, "Come again now? Publicity?" Come on, man! Get it together. Don't make me agree with Daddy Bazebucks! Baze pushes aside the "negativity" of common sense just in time for Math to come in the door with the turtles that he has conveniently liberated from the school science lab. Tonight's savings: $5.25 so far. Probably for the best. The guys look into the box to find the most inert turtles ever, which is saying a lot. Math insists, "They're conserving their energy like athletes do." Baze remains skeptical, and TOO notes that one of the turtles only has three legs. Whoopsies!
Upstairs, Lux pumps the air with a last-minute spritz of Axe (educated guess) before opening the door to her guests. As you'd expect, the Mean Girls have nothing positive to say, but Jones admires the pool table, pinball machine, and most importantly beer pong table. He wonders where the beer is, stymieing BYOB-minded Lux. MGA gets all, "I told you so!" So Lux reluctantly rises to the challenge and promises to procure some beer from downstairs. As she heads down, Baze and the bros do a test run of the race. And by "test run," I mean test standstill. TOO wants to take out the three-legged turtle, but Math insists that "Bolt" (named in a stunning feat of overcompensation after Olympic gold medal-winning track star Usain "Lightning" Bolt) stay. Lux makes it down to ask for the store room key. Baze gives it to her easily, insisting only that she doesn't take any booze. She lies she won't. Meanwhile, Cate and her producer arrive. Cate insists the wine bar down the street was too crowded, but it's obvious she's up to something. The producer hopes it's a surprise party, but she's out of luck. Baze asks if they heard about the turtle races -- you know, since he did all that publicity. Cate crinkles up her nose in confusion as her producer sulks to the bar.
Upstairs, the party is in full swing as Lux, now dubbed "Goldilocks," impresses Jones with her beer pong skillz. She lands the ball in a glass, prompting Jones to pick her up and swing her around in excitement. As she sets up for her next shot, she hears a surly voice from behind: "Hey Goldilocks, feeling better?" Who could it be but Tasha? She and Bug thoughtfully brought chicken soup and a Sean of the Dead DVD to lift her spirits. Now they're pissed to find out she ditched them for the asshats from her high school. Tasha falls back to her "foster freak" violent tendencies, but Jones luckily cuts her off when he obliviously calls for another game of beer pong. Tasha pointedly says she and fellow "uninvited street urchin" would like to take on "Abercrombie & Bitch." Jones continues grinning dumbly in his constant state of ignorant bliss.
Downstairs, a couple of people have trickled in, but those stubborn turtles still won't budge. Baze gets down in the dumps that his night has been a bust and that his dad might just be right. Math takes him aside for a pep talk only he could eke out. He tells Baze that failure isn't an option. Just like Bolt the Three-Legged Turtle, he can't give up. So stop yer bitchin'! He returns to the table to cheer for Bolt, who musters all his moxy and starts to shuffle down the table. As Baze heads off to grab more fliers, he spots Cate trying to sneak upstairs to check up on Lux. She promises she'll stay downstairs, but the moment he steps away, she's skittering up the stairwell. She is immediately intercepted by a high schooler with a taste for MILFs who invites her to join in on the beer pong. She hesitates at first, then sees Lux. Instead of triggering her natural response of "I'm this girl's mother," it triggers her insecurities, and she joins in to prove how cool she is. She slips off her coat to reveal a dress Lux earlier deemed slutty and joins in the chants of "Bring it on, bitches!" I'm sure this'll never backfire!
Across the room, Tasha and Bug take Lux to task for being ashamed of them. She tries to deny it but is distracted when she spots Cate, fresh off of scoring a point, launch into a full-on Running Man/Cabbage Patch combination. Wow. Just wow. Lux runs over and drags Cate aside. Cate insists she's not there to narc the kids out because she's capital-F Fun! The fact that she's already tipsy from two sips of beer implies otherwise. Cate kind of desperately asks if they can just hang out. Lux snappishly rejects her. She leaves Cate standing there, slutty-looking and dejected, before running off to save Math's Yoda cookie jar from some stoned kid. And this would be the point when things start spiraling swiftly down the drain. Case in point, the aforementioned cookie jar smashes at Baze's feet while he stands out front trying to lure in more patrons. Fortunately for him, the patrons are few and far between, so no one gets hurt in the Jar Jar Bangs incident.
Baze stomps upstairs and forces the kids out with a bellow. He screams at Lux for lying. She stammers that she wasn't thinking, but he's on a roll. He screams at her for putting his bar in jeopardy, barely taking a breath before snarling at Cate for participating in the melee. Lux tries to apologize, but it's too late. Baze has been possessed by the spirit of Daddy Bazebucks. He tells Lux to think before she does things, finishing by calling her stupid. Out in the street, the Mean Girls are pleased as punch to use their "I told you so"s for the one second Lux isn't around. She does come outside a second later, and Jones asks her if she's okay as Bug follows behind. Jones says it's a shame the party had to end early. Bug chimes in that it doesn't have to. They can move the party to the drive-in movie he intended to take Lux. Jones is keen on the idea, but Bug says he should drive since Jones has had a few. Jones naively passes Bug his keys and heads off to grab some friends. Bug ushers Lux into Jones's car and ominously says he's giving her "new friends a night they won't forget" before squealing off. Baze is still reaming out Cate as they head outside