In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Cate and Ryan are gearing up for the annual Drink-A-Date party where their listeners get to compete for a chance to date one of them. Baze is ticked that they won't have the party at his bar, especially since he needs the business in order to be able to pay Lux back after she paid his rent for him. Well, Lux gets suspended from school after the bong lamp she sold to Brynn is discovered by her parents. Cate makes a plea to the principal (who was also her principal back in the day) on behalf of Lux and even presents her with Lux's social work file. Casey finds it and makes copies of it and distributes it to the school. Baze asks Cate to have her party at his bar, instead of the bar across the street from his, but she refuses, saying that his bar is a dive. Baze calls the cops and has the place across the street busted for serving minors. When Lux gets to school (Cate successfully begged off the suspension), no one will talk to her because she lied about going to boarding school. I guess they don't consider the reasons why a person would do such a thing. Lux is furious and takes her things to Baze's place. Because they have to choice, Cate and Ryan have their shindig at Baze's. There, Lux confronts Cate for being the "reason" all the shiz went down at school. Cate asks her why she would lie about her past, and Lux points out that Cate lies by hiding her relationship with Ryan. Then, she marches downstairs and tells everyone at the bar that Cate and Ryan are engaged. The day, tons of people call into the station hating on Cate. But, their producer points out that even negative attention is still attention. Cate tells Lux that she's trying as hard as she can and it's time for her to give her a break -- or they can just not do this. Lux decides to move back to Cate's house. Meanwhile, Baze pays Lux back (which Cate sees) and returns her bong lamp.
Our vlogger tries to predict how events will unfold as this series goes along.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's morning and there's bouncy music as Cate and Ryan faux hate each other on the radio. Cate suggests that Ryan believes that if a man is in his 30's and single, he has standards; while if a woman is in her 30's and single, she is somehow damaged. He corrects her -- he believes that all women in their 30's have issues. I get the whole psychology behind trophy brides now. Keep them until they're 30. Thanks, Ryan. He points out that Alice, their producer, is married and "just as screwed up" as Cate. I'd ask for clarification on what "screwed up" entails, but why bother. FYI, Ryan is the weak link on this show. Of course, Alice kind of proves his point by neurotically saying that marriage is hard and you never have sex.
Cut to Baze, who is working at his dinner table. "Pathetic," he declares. I thought he was talking about what's on the radio, but he's really talking about his bank balance that he's checking on the internet. He tells Jamie, who is practicing his morning apparitions in the kitchen, that they need to find a way to get people into his bar. He tells Jamie that Lux pilfered her savings for him and even sold the bong lamp he gave her. Jamie laments the departure of the bong lamp. We'll all miss it, Jamie. Stay strong. Baze considers getting a mechanical bull as an attraction for the bar. Jamie does not agree.
Alice is still ranting. She says that single people don't know how easy they have it. Ryan disagrees. He says that Cate dates so often, she hasn't paid for dinner since the late '90s. She says that he's just bitter because he's buying too many dinners and not enough breakfasts. Wait, he's agreeing with Alice. I'm sorry, this banter belongs in the late '90s, when it was still relatively fresh. Cate says that dating is the worst -- the small talk and small penises.
Baze finds an odd website on his computer and asks if Math has been using it. Jamie hopes that it's not Math's lit-porn and reminds Baze of "hot girls for deep Dickens." Weird. Baze says that it's Cate and Ryan's "Drink-A-Date" site, evidence of Math's high school crush on Cate. Jamie declares that they need to get Math laid. Baze notices that the Drink-A-Date event is going to be held at Garrett's, across the street from his bar. He's furious that they wouldn't have it at his place. That is kinda rude, when they're right to each other.
On the radio, Cate and Ryan are telling their listeners how much fun the Drink-A-Date is going to be. Ryan says that it combines speed dating and speed drinking. He forgot to say assault. That's the recipe, right?
At Westmonte, Lux is going to class with Brynn and Casey. Brynn says that she can't believe that Lux's parents let her bum around San Francisco by herself when hers made her take an S.A.T. prep course. Casey laughs at how that was a waste of time seeing as how Brynn's score dropped 10 points. Keep your score to yourself, Brynn, and you won't have to deal with that bitch. Casey asks, with a hint of doubt, if San Francisco is where she procured Jerry Garcia's bong lamp. Lux's lies have gotten big. She keeps it going and says yes. Brynn says that she can't wait to give the lamp, which is now hers, to Jones. Casey warns her that she'll be grounded if her parents find it, but Brynn says that she's keeping it in her locker to avoid that. Math greets the class and tells them to put away their phones and pull out their books. He looks like he doesn't enjoy teaching. Brynn asks Lux if she wants to spend the night at her house. Casey says she thought she was going to sleep over, but Brynn says that it's Lux's turn. She'll pick Lux up before school and she can keep her stuff in her car. Math interrupts them and tells them that they'd better be discussing Grapes of Wrath. They are totally not. Suddenly, over the intercom, Brynn Bukowski is summoned to the Principal's office. Uh-oh.
At the radio station, Cate opens a package. She tells Ryan that Lux's social worker sent it over -- it's her file. At Baze's, he's opening the same file and talking to Jamie about it. He lists Lux's medical history: chicken pox, strep throat, and ventricular septal defect. Jamie requests that he speak English. Lux was born with a heart defect. She had the surgeries when she was little, which was why she was never adopted. Cate sees that Lux had braces and tells Ryan that she had braces too. Ryan says that's a great story and she should save it for air. Yeah, be sarcastic about the freaking orphan's social work file. She looks at crafts Lux made, including a note to Santa. Baze is looking at the same thing and needs help from Jamie to deduce that Lux was eight in 2001. Ryan reads the note over Cate's shoulder. She wanted, guess, parents! She wanted her mom to be funny, pretty, smart, and able to cook. Ryan jokes that three out of four isn't bad, but Cate insists that she loves to cook. Ryan replies that she loves it but, guess, she sucks at it. Weak link. Baze reads that Lux wanted a nice dad with an important job and lots of money. He would be famous, with a big house, a dog, and a bed for her. And, he would take her to Disney World, which is the second thing she wanted for Christmas. Back to Cate, she reads that Lux wanted her mom to be famous too, like a movie star or a reporter. Cate thinks radio DJ is pretty close. In fact, Cate believes she may be pretty close to Lux's ideal mother. Baze, on the other hand, feels like a loser. He's nothing like her description. Jamie asks what Cate's beau's name is and Baze wants to know why. Is it because Ryan is a famous DJ and can take Lux to Disney World. Baze says he can't even take her to a Disney movie. Jamie says Baze could take her, if Lux paid. He guesses that Lux's ideal dad doesn't owe her three grand. Oh, guys and their loving disembowelment of each other. Baze says that he has to figure out a way to pay her back.
And, no Lux gets called to the Principal's office. Brynn and her parents are leaving as Lux enters the office. Brynn says that she's sorry, but Lux doesn't know what she's sorry about. Inside the office, the Principal asks Lux if she recalls signing the school's anti-drug oath. She does. So, she knows the severity of being caught selling drugs... or drug paraphernalia. She does, why? The Principal reaches behind her desk and pulls up the bong lamp. No good.
Cate is shopping at a place called Blushing Boutique. Cate has several clothing choices pulled and Ryan reminds her that they are not going to dinner at the White House. She knows, but she wants to look good. She asks how he likes one dress and he replies that he likes that he could have "easy access." Hi, junior high. He tries to kiss her and she stops him because someone could see them. When Cate walks away to grab some more clothes, the sales lady recognizes Ryan. She's very excited. Then, she sees Cate and is even more excited. Here's the thing, kissing someone in public can make it look like you're dating. Shopping with someone DEFINITELY makes it look like you're dating. The sales lady says that they should wake up and realize that they're perfect for each other. She loves their banter and sexual tension. Ryan says that it's not sexual and Cate agrees. It's just tension.
Cut to the dressing room where Ryan and Cate are making out. Cate says that they have to be careful -- if they get caught, they're screwed. Won't the person working in the small boutique know that he's in the dressing room with her? Details. Ryan says that the door is locked and he looks over the top of the door. Smooth. Suddenly, Cate's phone is ringing. It's Baze. She answers and immediately says that she is too busy to talk, but he gives her some shocking news.
At Cate's place, Cate exclaims that Lux has been suspended for selling drug paraphernalia. Lux offers that you wouldn't actually be able to use the drug lamp. I'd like to offer that I could have completely gotten out of that in high school. When in trouble, feign ignorance. It's maybe not surprising how good at that I've been. Cate asks why Lux sold the lamp to Brynn. Lux tries to deflect, but Baze says it was because she was helping him with rent. Cate freaks, but Lux says the suspension is only five days. Baze jokes that he and Math could homeschool her, but Cate's not in a joking mood. She says that this will be on Lux's permanent record. It could affect the way her teachers perceive her, as well as what college she gets into. Baze says that no one really cares about what you did in high school. Cate reminds Lux that Baze is a bartender. She says that she will handle this. Westmonte was her alma mater and Principal Dugan loved her.
At school, Principal Dugan tells Cate that she loved Baze. He was just a nice guy all-around. Cate politely agrees, then says that he's great until you have a kid with him. She explains the situation to Principal Dugan, even telling that Lux paid Baze's rent. Cate gives her Lux's social work file and asks her to look at it. She says that she can even make a copy of it. She agrees to read it and hands it to her secretary to copy. The secretary leaves the file unattended at the copy machine and who is overhearing all of this? Casey.
At Baze's, he announces to Jamie and Math over beers that Cate succeeded in having Lux's suspension rescinded. Now, she looks like the great mom while he's the loser. Math asks if he's had any luck with his Craigslist ad. He hasn't, which surprises them because he thinks it's great. He shows them what looks like a Facebook page which reads, "Kinda like a New York loft, but not." He's trying to rent out his space for events. Math says that he'll work on it, but Jamie says that he will instead because Math gets "lost" on the internet. Baze corrects him -- it's just that all roads lead to Cate. Cruel. They look door and see a long line outside of Garrett's, while his bar is empty. Jamie says that he should ask Cate to have the event at his place.
Cate and Ryan are making out in bed when Cate gets a phone call. It's Baze and once again she answers with how she can't talk. He does have a knack for calling when she's doing it. He asks if she'd consider using his place for an event and she immediately says no. She says that she's the talent, not a location scout. He says that she's being a snot and, as the talent, could hook him up. She tells him to help himself and hangs up on him. He's furious, but Jamie tells him that he should still make it happen. They look door and see some younguns going into Garrett's, so Baze calls the police. The Portland Police show up soon and shut the place down, carting a bunch of Mileys to the clink.
The morning, Cate is joking on the air that Drink-A-Date doesn't mean you actually drink your date. Ryan says that's unless you're Cate spooning a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc on a Friday night. What about ice cream? Shouldn't he say something about ice cream? Cate sees Baze talking and then shaking hands with Alice. She's nervous. After Baze walks away, she makes it out of the booth to Alice and finds out about Garrett's being closed down. She says that they're moving the event to across the street. Cate tells her that she was talking to Baze. Cate rushes out to find him at the elevator. He admits to calling the police and says that he was helping himself.
At Westmonte, Lux sees a girl in the hall and asks her if she has seen Brynn. She hasn't, she coldly replies, but "Merry Christmas." What the? Lux goes to her locker and finds all of her social work file taped on it. Suddenly, Brynn, Casey, and co. are behind her. Lux smiles and says that she waited for Brynn that morning and has all of her stuff for that night. Brynn asks if Lux just made everything up about boarding school and Jerry Garcia. Casey, who could probs go to some sort of jail for what she did, says that she knew Lux was a head case, just like her mom. Oh, she was at the office yesterday. There's so nothing head case-y about Cate in comparison to teenage girls. Casey says that Cate must have thought she could use Lux's "pathetic past" to get her off the hook. This seems slightly implausible. Lux deduces that Casey taped the shit to her locker and tells Brynn that she can explain. Brynn replies that Lux lied to her face when she was trying to be her friend. And, that wasn't Jerry Garcia's bong. They googled him and he's dead.
At Baze's, he stresses to Jamie that they need to make a lot of money that night. He says to push premium liquor. Lux enters, angry. She tells Baze that she's moving in.
That night, the bar is really busy. Jamie says that it's also great because every woman there wants to get laid. He thinks they should get Math involved. Cate approaches the bar and says Baze pulled off the event. He sarcastically thanks her for the vote of confidence and tells her that Lux is at his place and mad at her. She asks what she did, but Alice approaches and tells her that she needs to take the stage. Onstage, they announce that there is a drawing to win a date with Cate or with Ryan. Ryan explains that they rules are to talk to get a drink and talk to a person. If you like them, nurse the drink. If you don't, down it. That's subtle. He says that Baze and Jamie behind the bar will be happy to help everyone. Baze is insulted, like Ryan is looking down on him. Sensitivo. Alice arrives and tells them that someone puked in the ladies' room. The guys rock-paper-scissors it and Baze is sent to clean it. Math comes downstairs and smiles at the idea of having a date with Cate.
Jamie asks Alice what she's drinking and she tells him that she's working. So, that's a double vodka on the rocks? She says that's perfect. Then, he asks her if she's going to nurse it or down it, but she tells him that she's married. With step-kids. He replies, "I'm out," and starts chatting with the pretty girl to her.
Cate runs off of the stage when their bit is over. Math tries to chat with him, but she brushes him off saying that she has to find Lux. He looks properly dejected. Ryan gets a beer from Baze and gets a dose of attitude as well. Baze says not everybody can be the nice guy with a good job and money for Disney World. Ryan doesn't seem as confused as he should be and says that Baze needs to get over his complex. He feels bad for Cate because she's trying to be a good mom and Baze is just laying back -- and Lux runs to him. Ryan thinks that Baze should start acting like a father.
Upstairs, Lux is furious with Cate. She tells her that Casey spread her file around. She screams that she doesn't want Cate's help. She says that everyone at school thinks that she's a liar and she has to tell Cate that she lied to the folks at school. Cate says that she has nothing to be ashamed of and she doesn't know why Lux would lie. Lux says that Cate lies to, about dating Ryan. Cate tries to calm her and reminds her that the Santa letter was very sweet. Lux says it was sad, because she was wishing for parents while everyone else wished for toys. Now, the whole school knows that no one wanted her, ever. Not even Cate and Baze. She remembers being on display for adoptive parents, but no one ever chose her. She runs downstairs and takes to the stage, where she tells everyone that Cate and Ryan are engaged.
After the event, Ryan, Cate, and Alice are sitting on a curb. Alice says that this is very bad for all of them. She also adds that her step-kids are monsters and even they wouldn't do what Lux did. Cate says that Lux can stay at Baze's. That night, neither Baze nor Lux can sleep. Lux feels bad about what she did to Cate. Baze says that he knows that Lux used to run away when things got tough, but she needs to work things out with Cate.
The morning, Lux is waiting for Cate when she arrives at work. She approaches her, bag in hand, and Cate says that she needs to talk to her. Cate says that she doesn't know how to tell Lux anymore that she's trying. She didn't try to hurt Lux, but Lux did try to hurt hers and Ryan's careers. She says that this isn't working. Lux looks terrified. Cate says that she doesn't know how to do things better than she's doing them, and they can call the social worker if she doesn't want to be with her. She says that Lux will have to take it or leave it. Then, she hesitantly walks away. Dang, Shiri nailed that scene.
Cate is listening to a caller. The caller is calling her a liar. Cate points out that Ryan is a liar too, but people are only hating on her. Ryan says that's because she's a woman in her 30's with issues. Almost 300 people have called in to say that they hate Cate. But, one person loves them together. Ryan says that his vote doesn't count though, and Cate replies dryly that, with lines like that, how could she resist? They go to commercial and Alice comes in to say that people are going crazy. But... people are listening. It's a good thing. Cate tells Ryan that she gave Lux an ultimatum. If she doesn't come home, she will add herself to the list of people who hate her.
At Westmonte, Lux is sitting on a bench, reading the copy of her social work file. Math approaches and sits beside her. He tells her that he knows what it's like to feel like the odd person out. He explains that he used to really like Cate. He meant to ask her to the Junior year Winter Formal, but he couldn't get up the nerve. Frankie Palladino asked her instead, but he ended up ditching her at the dance. Lux says that she should have gone with Math, but he says then she wouldn't have ended up with Baze that night. And, then there wouldn't be a Lux. He says that good things can happen in messed-up ways. Huh? He says that Cate was trying to help her when she came to the school. Lux says she knows. The trouble came from her lying. He says that everything in life comes down to not wanting to be rejected and Lux has to know that she's not the only person who feels unwanted. SAD! He says that he gave something to Baze, to cheer her up. She'll get it later. In return, he'd like for her to read "the rest" of the Santa letter. When did he hear the first part? He says that the answer to what she should do is in the letter. Wow, they're asking us to take some huge leaps here.
So, Lux starts to read the rest of the Santa letter. She tells Santa that it's OK if he can't find the "perfect" parents. We see Baze climbing into Lux's room at Cate's. He puts the bong lamp (presumably nipped by Math) at her bedside and an envelope by the lamp that reads, "Thanks for the loan." We see Cate and Ryan. She says that she's called Lux 50 times and she hasn't answered. Ryan says that she'll be at home, but Cate asks what if she isn't. Then, he will. Gah, I hope Lux is there. Ryan says that one good thing about being outed is that he can kiss Cate. At Cate's house, she enters gingerly looking for Lux. The VO continues, saying that her parents just need to be nice people who try. Cate looks like she has given up hope when she sees the attic stairs lowered. She walks up to find Lux asleep. She sees the envelope from Ryan. The VO asks Santa to tell her parents that she's out there and that she loves them already. She was an eight-year old Nicholas Sparks. Cate turns off the bong lamp and leaves Lux to sleep.
Jeff Long believes that a lamp is a waste of a bong. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com