Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Stocks & Bondage
By Pooh | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.28.1999
At the aforementioned hotel airline desk, Frank's credit cards are causing him trouble, and the agent suggests he try a cheaper class. He says he'll take anything, he just wants to be on the next plane. Benson and Stabler show up and offer him a ride. He's so dumb, he thinks they're serious and takes them up on their offer.
In the squad room, Benson and Stabler are all casually chatting with Martin as they have sandwiches at their desks. Martin wonders when he'll get to leave. Stabler tells him it will be soon, when they verify that he's authorized to use the credit cards, which shouldn't take long since it's his company after all. He laments that his ex is still using the accounts, and "nowadays you never know who's in your private affairs and personal finances." Stabler offers him a sparkling water, which Martin declines because bubbles give him gas. Benson thinks maybe a cappuccino instead? Martin asks if they have a machine, Benson says they can order out for some, Stabler and Benson explain that they're not your average beat cops in their unit, that they're more like "investigative bean counters." Martin actually falls for this shit. Stabler's having too much fun with this. "Like that thing with Layla -- that's a little out of our wheelhouse. We just came in because there was a financial twist there." "Because of the diamonds," Benson continues, slowly lowering the boom. "Which, by the way, your friend Tucker has some crazy story about you." Stabler chuckles, Martin nervously asks what Tucker said, Stabler assures him that it's nothing worth discussing, although Southerners are great storytellers. Martin says that "Freddy's a born liar" and asks to make a phone call. Benson offers the use of her phone, and Martin asks if he can leave. Stabler says soon, they're just waiting on his platinum card. Then, almost as an aside, he asks Martin, "What time did you call?" Martin: "Who?" Stabler: "Freddy the liar. He said you called him to go over to Layla's house." Martin: "When?" Stabler: "That night." Martin: "What night?" Stabler and Benson have a good laugh. Stabler has the last damn laugh though. "'Who? When? What?' We should hire this guy!" Martin realizes that he needs to call his lawyer.
Over in Cragen's office, Amy is telling the Cap'n, Munch, and Cassidy, "They said I wouldn't get into trouble if I told the truth." Munch explains to Cragen that Martin went to Amy when he was out of money. Cragen guarantees Amy full immunity. Amy tells of how she first met Frank at happy hour, how she and her friends would go and try to get jobs from drunken businessmen. "Frank was always in control, but little did I know." Munch and Cassidy ask if he every tried his little strangulation-for-kicks trick on her. "Hell, no!" she answers. "I don't mind a little recreational spankies, being tied up, playful stuff, so he quickly lost interest in me. He liked the thrill of controlling women who struggled against him. The sick bastard." She starts crying as she gets to the big plot revelation. "He told me he and his HOMEBOY Tucker used to tie farm girls to trees and sit in the woods just laughing -- getting off on watching them struggle." All ears in the room have pricked up at the mention of Tucker's name, and Cragen realizes that Martin was from Tennessee too. Amy's full of sickening information. "Yeah, but they never got into trouble because they were minors at the time. And besides, as he says, 'they were only colored girls.'" Ugh. Anyone else ready to hurl? Munch adds, "The chivalry part comes in where they let them go rather than leave them there and let them die of exposure and humiliation." Cragen points out that this happy little bedtime tale doesn't help with the murder investigation. Amy takes some papers from her purse that she says will help.
In the interrogation room, Stabler has the file in Martin's face, telling him, "No, Frank, you called Tucker." Martin says Tucker called him. Stabler says no, Martin called Tucker, and says the records show he called at 8:22. Martin scrambles for an excuse, saying it was a problem with the Tennessee regulators (as Stabler is shaking his head), and that as soon as he got to his office, he had his assistant page Tucker to set up a meeting. Benson's turn to be in his face now. "You think we're from Peapatch, Frank? Because this isn't a farm, but you are in some pretty deep horse manure." She points to the papers and makes him look as she spells it out for him. "The call that we're talking about was at 8:22 PM. Not AM. 8:22 in the evening. New York City time." Martin insists that his assistant will back him up. Stabler's had enough, and rails, "Stop with the CEO routine, okay. We're all just plain folks here. Sit down." And he slams Martin down into a chair. Hee! Martin's all offended, "Hey! You don't have to get nasty!" Dude, I thought you liked the rough stuff. Benson's coming at him from the other side of the room, in his face now, "Nasty? Nasty is putting out your cigarette on your executive assistant's thigh. Nasty is cheating little old ladies from Tennessee out of their life savings. And choking the air out of Layla Briggs's windpipe, and then leaving her corpse for her mother to find? That's definitely nasty." Okay, who else has old-school Janet Jackson running through their heads after all that Nasty Talk? Martin wants his lawyer. Stabler reminds him that he called his lawyer three hours ago, but the lawyer hasn't returned his calls. "Think he checked your credit?" Hee! Then slowly, so that maybe Martin will finally get it: "Amy has turned you in." Benson tries to use this to get him to admit that he choked Layla, but he says he didn't, Tucker did. "Because of the stolen diamonds?" asks Stabler. "No, we didn't even know about that," Martin answers. "It was strictly for kicks." Then can someone tell me why in the HELL I've just spent the last seven thousand fricking words chronicling a diamond plot? AARRGGHHH! Anyway, my boyfriend Elliot Stabler is angered and sickened by this, but Martin's confessing, so he suppresses his gag reflex long enough to listen. "I was doing her, and Tucker started squeezing her throat, you know [no, I don't know, you sick fuck], just massaging it really. She liked it, but then her eyes said 'stop.'" "So why didn't he?" Benson asks. Martin responds, "He'll claim it was for my benefit, but the truth is that was the biggest turn-on for him. Not the sex part -- the seeing how far you could go. And he went all the way." EEWWWWUH! Show of hands -- who else needs a long hot shower in pure lye after that?