You guys! We're almost done! The Final Three arrive at the studio with 53 hours and 51 minutes left until the FINAL LAUNCH. They enjoy what appears to be breakfast (although it's served with mustard and ketchup, so maybe brunch?) and think about what winning will mean to them. Also, Merle makes sure to add that DJ Eric's line should have been dropped a long time ago because it's "tacky." She's not wrong, although I'm getting sick of her negativity all the time. And it takes a lot to make someone like me sick of negativity. DSquared2 arrive and call the three contestants and their designers to the catwalk to congratulate them and throw in some obviously dubbed lines. Seriously, why does Bravo suck so much at dubbing? Between this show and Padma on Top Chef, it's ridiculous. They say their final -- and most difficult -- challenge will be to create not one, not two, but THREE new outfits, most likely because they want to pad out that online store they're using to sell the winner's fashion line. Do you think the contestants or their designers will see a cent of the proceeds from online sales? I don't, either. The job is so big that it even gives Thai some concern, and he's the fastest designer there. The first outfit must include "nontraditional pockets." You mean like the ones that got Lady Jumpsuit eliminated? Oh, please say they're going to have to do versions of the season's worst outfits. I want to see more 1920s dark wool bathing suits! And pirate eyepatches! But no, the second outfit just has to include "ruffles." And the third is an evening gown. So if they just make a clownsuit into a long dress, they'll have all three requirements in one stupendous fashion statement! DSquared2 add that for the final fashion show, all of the outfits they've designed thus far will be on stage, and they can re-design or alter past designs as they see fit. That would be nice if they had that kind of time, which I don't see how they possibly will.
With that, the teams sit down in front of the catwalk and DSquared2 say they're going to have help. Merle interviews that it might be Tom Ford. Yeah, right. Actually, it's much better: all the previously eliminated experts! YES!!! ROBERTO RETURNS! And he still has his cane and a new poncho, this time in mustard yellow. Oh, and there's Coco. Apparently, she had time in between sending me long, defensive e-mails while pretending to be someone else (or maybe that really was someone else, and Coco just has an over-invested fan out there who also really hates L. Marilyn. Or maybe it's Coco's mom. Either way, it's awesome) to show up! Contestants will get two additional experts each, but the experts get to choose who they want to work with, and will pick in the order they were eliminated. Jim picks first, and takes Kathy, which I thought he would. Their personalities seem to go together the best. There's no way Roberto is picking Merle, because they hate each other. In the end, he also picks Kathy. He has some crazy things to say about Kathy's place in the "divine laws of creation" to explain his choice, even though we all know he just doesn't want to work with Merle, because she's a bitch, or DJ Eric, because he sucks. I actually think he might be a good fit for Kathy, because he also designs jewelry and integrates it into the clothes he wears, and her line is supposed to show off her jewelry. Coco picks Merle, so I hope she's developed a thicker skin since she worked with L. Marilyn. Coco explains that she didn't pick DJ Eric because she's "afraid of his chiffon." Hee hee. If only Coco didn't completely break down and become impossible in her last episode, I would still like her. Poor Tressa, who was saddled with Lady Jumpsuit, also wants Merle. Yikes! DJ Eric and Galina are not popular. They get the final two experts, Julie and Susan, and DJ Eric interviews that it doesn't feel great to be the last one chosen. I think last week's winner should have been able to choose at least one expert, by the way.
The new jumbo teams return to the studio and Roberto gets right to work taking up the camera time. Kathy's team discuss ideas for the ruffled outfit and everyone seems to get along. Over at Merle's station, Merle gets right to handing out assignments to her designers and gives me flashbacks to some of the similarly tall and imposing female teachers I had in elementary school. They probably weren't even that tall, really. I was just really short. Also they had beehive hairdos, and that adds height. No, I did not go to elementary school in the '60s. But The Simpsons was really popular at the time, so maybe that was their inspiration? Anyway, Merle still has fabric issues, so she has to hope the Trim Room has something useful or else her ruffle outfit won't happen. Over at DJ Eric's station, he's having trouble conveying the "vision" of the "girl" who wears his line to Julie and Susan, who are probably thinking "why are we designing clothing for strippers? Do they watch Bravo?" He says something about his pocket outfit being a tight dress with a "little pocket in the back" for lipstick. Because I always want to store my lipstick near my ass.
For the DVR-fooling interstitial, the teams return to the catwalk and are told they get to pick their own models for the fashion show, but the three teams must "decide amongst themselves." Um, what? Didn't they make their outfits for specific models with specific measurements? Why not just let the original models wear the outfits again? The teams start off taking turns selecting their models until Galina decides to just start calling out her choices out of order and everyone is pissed off - even Emil!
After the break, the outfits begin to take shape. Merle actually has nice words for someone in an interview, this time Coco, who appears to have gotten over whatever her deal was when she worked with L. Marilyn and is contributing to Team Merle. DSquared2 arrive to announce that their models are here for a "first fitting," which will give the teams an idea of how their pieces, both old and new, fit and how they might need to be altered. One of DJ Eric's poor models wonders if his outfit is "too short." Galina explains that's simply not possible. Get ready to blur out some vaginas on the runway, editors! There's a tense moment between Kathy and Emil when she asks a question about one of the outfits on a model and he does that thing where he says they should talk about it later. She says she wants to talk about it now, and he apologizes. Drama: over. At Merle's station, she says that kangaroo pouch dress will have to be changed. And DJ Eric alters his looks by making them "tighter" and "shorter." I never, ever want to date a guy like DJ Eric. Which is good, because a guy like him would probably never, ever, ask me out.
With 44 hours to go, whimsical music plays as DJ Eric and especially Galina are condescending towards Susan, saying she made a "cute little dress" and that her strength is sewing and she's a sewing machine genius. Meanwhile, Roberto puts on some green "couture doctor gloves." "Does it help?" Emil asks, possibly being sarcastic. "Wow," he adds. Roberto explains to Kathy that they are green because green means healing in their New Agey world. We cut to an interview with Emil, who just laughs. DSquared2 soon arrive to announce that for the final round, the Trim Room is open forever! But only the designers are allowed to go inside. Merle announces that she's hunting for fabric for her ruffle outfit, and for some reason they stick text on the screen that says "RUFFLE LOOK FABRIC SELECTION" just in case you didn't get it. She pulls out some yellow fabric that Thai says is "interesting." "I don't like it at all," Merle frowns. Then why did she take it out of the room in the first place? In the end, they don't find anything and decide to go off and work on something else for the time being and come back to the ruffles later. Just in case, like, the Trim Room choices magically change.
Over at Team Kathy, Jim nixes an idea to make the pocket outfit into a dress that is half bright red and half zebra print, saying it makes the model look like Wilma Flintstone. Also, they've used that zebra print way too many times as it is. But Emil wants a "full animal dress with some red accents," and so it shall be. I guess they don't show The Flintstones in Austria, or he would see how right Jim is. At DJ Eric's station, he has the temerity to reject one of Galina's gown ideas, which uses a bunch of patterned fabrics and looks awful and in no way gorgeous and amazing like it should. DJ Eric says he hates the fabric and wants to burn it. Merle returns to the Trim Room looking for an evening gown fabric and comes back with something with gold sequins on it. She thinks that by using "bling" she'll be sure to do well since that's what DJ Eric does and the judges always love his stuff. Jim gets over his annoyance with Emil and comes up with a way to hide the pocket of his dress in one of the zebra stripes. It looks cool, and his excited whisper of "it's a SECRET POCKET!" is great. It's also smoother sailing at DJ Eric's station, as he found "some dope buncha jewels" in the Trim Room that Galina is putting to good use. By using them to line what appears to be a bikini that's supposed to be their evening gown. Yikes. Galina tries to sneak in the patterned fabric that DJ Eric hates, but he gives it a thumbs down and says it makes the outfit look "old lady" and not like the "gorgeous wowing evening gown" he wants. You know what would be really "wowing" DJ Eric? If you learned some dope buncha vocabulary words so you didn't have to keep making words up.
The morning, there are 32 hours to go as the teams return to the studio. DJ Eric continues to rebel against Galina, giving her idea to put a zipper on the back of their ruffle dress a "no way!" He interviews that their ruffled dress will be a "beautiful teal," which I was not aware existed. The only teals I know of are "ugly teal" and "bridesmaid dress teal," which is actually uglier than ugly teal. At Kathy's station, Emil says they'll have to change up that tentacle dress, because the judges totally hated it. "The freaking tentacles that haunt me in my dreams come off," Kathy tells us. Then they focus on the order of their runway show and how to make sure the outfits all work together. They want to get rid of the red on the kimono dress and replace it with bronze to better match the rest of the line, but Jim protests that the judges liked the red with the turquoise and thus it should be kept as is. Emil gets huffy. Well, huffy for Emil. Which means he just says he "completely disagrees" and that's it.
DSquared2 arrive to check up on everyone's progress. They go to Merle's station first, and she explains her three outfits and how they'll be convertible. She says there will also be another new dress to replace the kangaroo pouch one that she's getting rid of as well as a new three-piece convertible outfit. So that's five new outfits, basically. Good luck, Thai! Kathy is up , and talks them through her three new outfits, one of which she describes as a "backwards kimono gown." Kind of like how a Snuggie is a backwards bathrobe? Speaking of kimonos, they're getting rid of the tentacles, and Emil got his way after all so they'll be replacing the red with bronze. DSquared2 don't like the length of Kathy's ruffle dress, but she has too little fabric and time to do anything about it. DJ Eric is the final station, and he shows off the pocket dress, which he says will replace the need for girls to carry pocketbooks in clubs. Because it's smart to keep important items like ID and money in giant, open, shallow pockets, so when you're dancing in your tight-ass dress while trying to make sure it doesn't ride up and expose your bits to the world since it's so freaking short, all your stuff will fall out of the pockets and you'll lose it forever. Very practical. DJ Eric was able to convince Galina to use a nice solid silk fabric for the evening gown instead of her crappy patterned abominations. He says it will look good in Monte Carlo, because DJ Eric's idea of "classy" is what he sees in James Bond films. But DJ Eric runs into trouble when DSquared2 recommend that he re-do his distressed look dress.
Kathy is still having issues with the red ruffle dress's length. She's worried that if it's too short, it'll look like the dress that got Team Dandy eliminated. She wants a gown, but Emil thinks they have enough gowns and it's too late in the game to change things up. Plus, there isn't enough fabric for a long dress. He's so upset about this that he threatens to explode, so we go to a commercial break. When we come back, Emil stays perfectly calm and Kathy explains that she wouldn't buy a short red dress so she can't get behind the design. So Emil and Kathy go off in search of the necessary material for a longer dress. They find it, and the crisis is averted.
Merle hasn't shit-talked anyone in a while, so she tells us that DJ Eric's clothes are "naked bimbo sexual" (which totally should have been the name of his line) and Kathy's secret zebra pocket has the potential to make someone look fat. Of course, all of her outfits are amazing. Meanwhile, DJ Eric kindly refers to Merle's clothes as "sophisticated." And Kathy describes DJ Eric's clothes as "serpentine Cleopatra insanity."
At Merle's station, the team discusses how to make that 3-piece-outfit better. We're reminded that Thai is awesome at sewing, so much so that even Merle has something nice to say about him. Meanwhile, DJ Eric's designers are charged with coming up with a new distressed dress. So far, it looks exactly like the one they're replacing. Way to learn, Team DJ Eric.
Time ticks down, and Kathy's red dress is still causing problems with its lack of fabric. Though Roberto tells us about the drama in an interview, he does not appear to be involved in or the cause of it, which is unusual. Merle is absolutely delighted to see Emil and Kathy arguing. Meanwhile, Jim is tired and sick of the red dress and also notes that good things are happening at DJ Eric's station, so anyone could win. He walks over to the red dress and suggests a possible way to fix it, but Emil says there's "no way" so he just says "okay" and runs off in what appears to be a huff.
After the break, it's the night before the launch and DJ Eric's evening gown is still giving his team problems. But he's determined to make it work because he really wants to see women at clubs everywhere wearing his dresses. Because then their boobs will fall out when they try to move. Kathy's ruffle dress is still giving her team trouble, with Emil saying it now looks like "a freaking Pocahontas costume." Eh, better Pocahontas than Wilma Flintstone. And then Jim stabs himself with the sewing machine. Meanwhile, Merle is doing just fine, although looking at her ten outfits to each other like that, they really are boring colors. Cohesive, yes, but even I can't wear all earth tones all the time. All the same, she sits there and lets her three designers applaud her efforts. There are 18 hours until the last fashion show, but we'll have to wait until week to see it. To be continued ...
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