It's another morning at the studio, and the remaining contestants and their designer partners stroll in and immediately discuss how much nicer the place is without Lady Jumpsuit around. This was just the first of many "fuck you, Lady Jumpsuit" nods we'll be getting this week. Galina mutters something about letting DJ Eric take the lead on the design, like, wasn't he supposed to be doing that all along? Then DSquared2 walk in wearing giant sunglasses that only serve to make their heads appear even bigger in proportion to the rest of their bodies than they already do. It's frightening. They explain that this week's challenge will be to create a "Wild Card Piece," a.k.a. something "avant-garde" and "fashion forward" "that should scream you." Ha ha ha! This totally would have been Lady Jumpsuit's week! All she did was make insane outfits that screamed her. But she got eliminated last week, so she can't. Ha ha ha! Their inspiration will be sunglasses. Since Merle won last week, she gets to pick her sunglasses inspiration first. Even though she already gets immunity this week. Oh, AND she gets to choose which contestant gets which pair of sunglasses. Meanwhile, all the other winners in weeks have gotten either nothing or close to it. Merle hates everyone, and so relishes the opportunity to fuck someone over. She gives some ugly hot pink sunglasses that look like what Geordie used to wear on Star Trek: The Generation to DJ Eric simply because she hates Galina. She freely admits this and then laughs evilly in an interview because she is awesome. Meanwhile, Galina probably loves those sunglasses because she likes stuff that looks horrible.
The Dandy is not pleased with his sunglasses, which he says remind him of what old ladies wear post-facelift. Honestly, though, now that I've seen most of the glasses Merle had to choose from, there was really no way that she wasn't going to give out an ugly pair. They are all terrible. Once they're all handed out, DSquared2 say they have some good news: the Trim Room is open all day this week! HAHAHA! Remember how Lady Jumpsuit struggled with the ten minute Trim Room time limit? She would have loved to have the Trim Room all day. But she can't now, because she was eliminated. HAHAHA! The teams have just 27 and a half hours.
The contestants and experts sit down together to come up with their designs. Merle claims that she likes clothing that is unique and eye-catching, but then says she's relieved that she has immunity this week so that she'll be able to make something she actually likes and not something over-the-top and therefore hideous. DJ Eric finds a fabric that looks like a disco ball in the Trim Room and decides that it's perfect. Galina hates it. Louanna and Jim come up with a long-trained gown. Coco and L. Marilyn, meanwhile, are having problems because L. Marilyn's description of her dress idea is not to Coco's liking, so she claims she has no idea what L. Marilyn is talking about. Team Dandy, on the other hand, can't figure out if DSquared2 said the piece had to be "wild card" or "avant-garde." Actually, Dandies, they said both! Dandy has some ideas that Roberto dismisses, making sure to tell us that he has 25 years of experience and some of his pieces have been in museums. Dandy stands up for himself, saying he's going to make what he wants to make and he needs Roberto to help. Roberto agrees, because he is now in the redemption part of the story arc he created for himself.
We spend like two seconds with Kathy before returning to Coco vs. L. Marilyn. Coco hates all of L. Marilyn's selections from the Trim Room. After several rejections, L. Marilyn says something about Coco being "not very cooperative" and Coco sarcastically says "I'm very sorry you think I'm uncooperative" and runs off to cry about it. Thai and (I think) Merle rush to her side with hugs and tissues while L. Marilyn walks over all "WTF? Why is this a drama?" Coco claims that she is "shocked" and "taken aback" that L. Marilyn could say something so horrible about her cooperativeness. Seriously, Coco? How can you get to the place you're at, age-wise and career-wise, and not know how to handle it when people kindly point out your mild flaws? And L. Marilyn is not just a CEO, but also a black woman, so you know she's developed a thick skin and therefore has no idea what Coco's problem is. Awesomely, she doesn't indulge Coco's sobfest. In fact, she sends Thai and Merle away, saying "let me deal with this" and then tells Coco that this assignment is hard enough without the added drama. Coco interviews that she can't possibly be uncooperative since L. Marilyn's clothing is getting made. Oh, you mean like the first episode, when L. Marilyn was stuck doing it by herself? Come on, Coco. L. Marilyn points out that all the other teams are having discussions and shooting ideas around, trying to imply that that's what she'd like from her own partner. Coco takes this to mean that L .Marilyn wants to work without her, then demands more examples of when she was uncooperative. L. Marilyn very calmly says that she can't think of any off the top of her head at the moment and it's not important right now anyway, since they have very little time to do a lot of work. My respect for L. Marilyn grows by leaps and bounds. She did not get to where she is in her career by accident. Coco asks her to let her know when she's being uncooperative at the time that it happens so that Coco can be aware of it. L. Marilyn agrees. Yeah, except that when L. Marilyn tried to do that at the Trim Room three minutes ago it made Coco cry. So I really doubt that's what Coco actually wants.
Galina continues to complain about the disco ball fabric, but DJ Eric doesn't care. Good. Over at Team Dandy, the Dandy wants to use "shade" in his dress because sunglasses are also called shades. Back with Coco and L. Marilyn, Coco once again complains that L. Marilyn's description of her design idea is too vague. She gets all passive-aggressive and bitchy about it, but L. Marilyn somehow manages not to smack her upside the head.
DSquared2 arrive to give everyone a wine break and a surprise. Why, it's Special Guest Lady Gaga! And here she is, wearing a dress with plunging neckline, giant shoulders and, of course, sunglasses. I do believe it was TWoP's own Zach Oat who perfectly described Lady Gaga as a bounty hunter from the 25th century, and she definitely looks the part today. DJ Eric calls her "The Lady Gaga," like she's actual royalty, which is hilarious. DSquared2 says that The Lady Gaga will be talking to the contestants about fashion. Some singers get to go on American Idol and talk to contestants about singing. But Lady Gaga has to talk to people on a basic cable reality show about fashion. Because she sucks. L. Marilyn asks The Lady Gaga what inspires her style. Lady Gaga says she's "not a designer" but she is a "creative thinker" and "it really just takes a good idea." Um, did we need to have The Lady Gaga on to say that? I could have said that. My fourth grade teacher used to say it to us all the time. Lady Gaga continues to talk about how she's inspired by the "shape" of her outfits and what shape she would leave in a wall if she were to walk through it like they do in cartoons. The Lady Gaga is a cartoon, so it makes sense that she'd think of things this way. She tells the contestants not to get carried away with avant-garde and make "giant hats." WHAT IS WRONG WITH GIANT HATS?!?! I think they're great. Giant hats > shoulder pads that are higher than your ears.
Holy crap! Now The Lady Gaga has taken her sunglasses off! I didn't know that was possible. DSquared2 say she's going to pick a fabric from the Trim Room that "embodies" her "style," and the contestants must somehow use it in their designs. Even though those designs were supposed to be about the contestants and not about the product of a music marketing hype machine. L. Marilyn interviews that she's worried that Lady Gaga's "space age" taste will clash with L. Marilyn's good taste. She's right to be concerned, as The Lady Gaga emerges from the Trim Room with a bright red vinyl fabric that I don't think anyone likes. Not even DJ Eric.
With that, The Lady Gaga gets the hell out of there and DSquared2 check in with the teams. Team Dandy is up first. Dandy shows off his shade wrap thing that will go over the dress, and DSquared2 ask if it's really necessary. Well, no. No one needs a shade wrap thing on their dress. But if we were really going by what is "necessary" then we'd all be wearing sweatsuits, wouldn't we? They hate Team Dandy's approach to incorporating the horrible The Lady Gaga fabric selection even more -- he's wrapping the material around the base of those peacock feathers he's been threatening to use every week. L. Marilyn doesn't have a dress or even a final design to show to DSquared2, so she shows them some rejected sketches instead. This pisses Coco off. Because everything pisses Coco off. L. Marilyn asks Coco to sketch the final idea for DSquared2 to see, but Coco does not respond. Instead of actually refusing to do it, she just stands there being passive-aggressive while clock ticking sound effects play. DSquared2 care not for this woman drama, and run away.
Louanna admits to DSquared2 that the red vinyl fabric is really throwing her off, as it clashes with what she's doing both color and material-wise. DSquared2 encourage her to be "more clever than the challenge" and "do what you need to do." I think they hate the fabric Lady Gaga picked out, too. They also seem to hate what DJ Eric has planned for the red vinyl, which is to make it into tights. "Really?" DSquared2 say with the most disgusted looks on their faces.
And then I guess they stopped by Kathy and Merle's stations, too, but who cares? Let's check in on Coco and L. Marilyn instead! Coco whines that L. Marilyn's idea of a V-design in both the front and back of the dress is "a constructive nightmare." L. Marilyn sighs and wonders why her expert can't just say she'll make something work as opposed to finding every reason why it can't. She decides to just go with one of Coco's design ideas since Coco won't work with any of hers. "Sorry, Marilyn, I so suck, don't I?" Coco says. Dammit, Coco! L. Marilyn is one of the best designers there! Don't you dare fuck her over!
YES! Roberto is once again starring in the DVR-trickery interstitial! Apparently, Roberto likes to hang out under the design table and take naps. Dandy disapproves of this, saying it's not a "Dandy Den" because Dandy would never go under a table. Roberto says his "cave" is symbolic of many comforting things, like wombs. Dandy doesn't care as long as Roberto gets the job done. Speaking as someone who suffers from a constant desire for naps bordering on addiction, Roberto's cave looks awesome. Not so much like a womb, though.
After the break, Coco knocks a scroll of paper over and it unspools as it rolls across the floor. Coco is offended by the paper's harsh actions and cries about it for a few minutes, then spends the rest of the episode being a passive-aggressive bitch to the paper no matter what the paper tries to do to make things right. Louanna comes up with an idea to break the sunglasses apart and incorporate them into the design that way instead of just having the model wearing them on the runway. Both she and Kathy are having problems constructing the complicated design they want with the little time they have. Merle, on the other hand, loves her design today.
With 11 hours to go, poor L. Marilyn still has nothing. Coco wants to go to bed and start fresh tomorrow. L. Marilyn says that sounds great, and they shake hands. But Coco's moment of reasonableness is fleeting, and she glares at L. Marilyn and says, "I stayed for you. And you're not gonna win this without me." Um, except for the first round, which she almost did win. Without Coco. L. Marilyn gives Coco and big hug and a kiss. L. Marilyn is kind of awesome, you guys. I would have killed Coco by now if I was her. I bet L. Marilyn is a great boss.
The morning, there are 5 and a half hours left and all the teams still have a lot of work to do. L. Marilyn and Coco walk in holding hands, and L. Marilyn diplomatically interviews that she "has to understand the capabilities of [her] expert." She continues that her dress is designed to be something you'd wear to a formal dinner at "the new White House." Wait, there's a new White House? What happened to the old one? Or does she mean the current White House which was built after the British burned down the old one in the War of 1812? Because I don't think that one is considered new anymore. Maybe L. Marilyn hopped in The Lady Gaga's time machine yesterday when The Lady Gaga was stuck in the Trim Room looking for the worst possible fabric for everyone and thinks she's still stuck in 1817?
Meanwhile, Kathy has to do a lot of braiding for her dress. Thanks for giving us another two seconds, Kathy! On to DJ Eric! He loves his dress and thinks it's amazing, even though it probably sucks. Galina doesn't like it at all, and says so. The models walk in, and DJ Eric's model sucks up and says she loves the dress, so now DJ Eric is even more confident than he was before. Over at Louanna's station, she appears to be designing some kind of eyepatch for her model to wear. Um. Will the pegleg be covered with The Lady Gaga's red vinyl, or are they saving that for the parrot on the model's shoulder? Ahoy, Louanna!
With one hour left, the models go to the Product Placement salon as the teams scramble to put the finishing touches on their designs. Or in Merle and Thai's case, make fun of everyone else. Merle hates on Team Dandy's dress behind their backs and mutters a prediction that Team Dandy is going home today. The minutes tick down.
Fashion show time! DSquared2 wear their stupid sunglasses onto the runway and greet the modest crowd that is no doubt made up of people on the production staff or those people's roommates. Team Dandy's model is up first. She sassily whips off her sunglasses and shows off the dress. The shade-wrap-peacock-feathers thing came out much better than I thought it would. I think the dress looks great. Like all of Team Dandy's designs, it's not something I would personally wear, but it looks good on the model. Merle's model is wearing a The Lady Gaga-esque coat with prominent shoulders and a dress underneath. L. Marilyn's dress doesn't blow me away. It's fine, but nothing special. L. Marilyn says she's designing for the "average American woman." Who gets invited to formal dinners at the New White House. I do like the way she had a bead/jewel design sewn into her dress to match the jewels that were on the sides of her sunglasses. DJ Eric's design is a tiny dress that no one could actually wear, let alone dance in a club in, without exposing herself. But I like the fabric he used much more than what Galina's chosen for him in the past. And then, Louanna. Wow, she really did give her model an eyepatch. That's awesome. Kathy's model comes out last, and despite the fact that I thought the material she used was ugly, when it's all sewn into a dress and put on a model, I like it. The top of the dress is made entirely out of braided fabric, which looks really cool, although I doubt it's the most comfortable thing to actually wear.
The teams walk out and prepare to be judged. Kathy is called out as the safe person this round. I thought she should have been in the top two. But at least she isn't eliminated. As for the other five (including Merle for some reason, even though she has immunity), their designs "screamed" at the judges, as DSquared2 say. "Some screamed gorgeous while others screamed obscenities," DSquared2 quip. Is that supposed to be a bad thing? I'd love to wear something that screamed obscenities. That would be my favorite piece of clothing ever. I want a big FUCK YOU dress.
The Dandy's outfit is called out first. Dandy explains how he came up with his "shade" concept and DSquared2 say they like the dress and all, but they were expecting something really crazy from the Dandy, as his designs have all been very "wild card" thus far. Stefani Greenfield thinks the dress is more "goth" than couture and looks cheap. Lisa Kline calls Dandy out for not using the red vinyl very much even though DSquared2 said they could use it as much OR AS LITTLE as they wanted as long as it was there. Which it was. So shut up, Lisa.
Merle's outfit comes out . She says she wanted the bolero-style jacket to pop as much as possible against the dress. DSquared2 say they wanted "more drama" from Merle, but praise her for the way she incorporated the red vinyl by making it into a rose for the lapel of the jacket. Yes, that was clever. Also, Merle has immunity, so who really cares about this? She's not going home tonight no matter how much Stefani thinks the extra material in front of the dress looks like it's designed for a pregnant woman.
L. Marilyn explains her outfit and how she incorporated the red vinyl. Oh, it's not good news. She cut out a small circle of it and placed it on the inside of the dress as a "panic button" because this gown is for White House dinners. Okay, first of all, unless it's an actual panic button, leave it out. Second of all, don't design a dress that is specifically just for White House dinners. Third of all, the placement of the "panic button" kind of makes it resemble a period stain, to be perfectly frank. Don't put red blobs near a woman's crotch. I mean, honestly. And fourth of all, that is such a cop-out. The judges think the dress looks hastily-made and the bead/jewel thing I liked is "slapped on." L. Marilyn is quick to place the blame on her expert and admits that they started work on the dress just this morning. Stefani says she loves the dress "from the waist up." I think it's fine, but we've also seen this plunging V-neck design so many times on this show.
DJ Eric's model comes out. The judges call her a "dancing queen" and DSquared2 say DJ Eric "took a chance on" the disco ball fabric. Are they putting on their own little version of Mamma Mia! with the ABBA references? Annoyingly, they like DJ Eric's dress, even though the material doesn't necessarily match that of his designs. Stefani claims that DJ Eric used the red vinyl in a clever way, even though all he did was line the hem of the dress with it. Which was easy for him to do, since his fabric didn't clash with the red vinyl like almost everyone else's. And then they all hate on the only part of the DJ Eric's dress I actually liked -- the necklace-style tie in the back. Clearly, I have no fashion sense.
Louanna's pirate dress comes out. DSquared2 say it's "cohesive" with her first dress. I'll say -- it's actually too similar for me. I think she used the same fabric, or else it's a slightly different color but the same material. But she does have a "strong silhouette," in the dress and would thus create a distinctive shape if she ran through a wall, which is good. And Jim did a great job putting the complicated outfit together in such a short amount of time. It's not my taste, but I can definitely see why the judges like it so much. Finally, DSquared2 mention the eyepatch. They don't like it. And that's it. Why are we not spending more time on the eyepatch, which is clearly the greatest thing that has ever happened on this show since that guy made a DARK WOOL 1920s BATHING SUIT?!?! Man, I miss that guy. Louanna used the red vinyl by placing a red vinyl "L" on the inside of the sleeve. DSquared2 says it's "hidden but present." I think it's only slightly less of a cop-out than L. Marilyn's period panic button.
The judges confer for three seconds and announce the top two: DJ Eric and Louanna. And the winner is... DJ ERIC?!?! UGH! He is the worst! What the hell? So that means Merle, Dandy, and L. Marilyn are in the bottom three. But that's cool for Merle because she has immunity. So it's between Dandy and L. Marilyn. WHAT? NO!!! They are my two favorites! I don't want either of them to leave! The judges head back and take a closer look at the designs. First up is the Dandy's. They don't like the dark, reddish-purple fabric he chose for the dress, but say it is consistent with the rest of his line. Lisa suddenly announces that she wouldn't buy one thing in that line, and then we move onto L. Marilyn's dress. Stefani says L. Marilyn's designs are all "so obvious." Whatever, lady. L. Marilyn didn't even design this one. Her bitch expert sabotaged her! DSquared2 say L. Marilyn obviously did this at the last minute and it "looks crappy." Stefani doesn't like that the stone bead thing is on the top of the dress's ass, saying "it's not about a statement on your bum." No, unless it's stupid $200 Juicy Couture sweatpants, which PUT A STATEMENT ON YOUR BUM. Meanwhile, Lisa Kline got laryngitis or something this week and has nothing to say.
After the break, it's time to let one of my favorites go. And it's... not the Dandy! L. Marilyn is gone! Crap! I guess I should have seen it coming, since this episode almost entirely focused on her. She takes the news well. Coco takes it even better, grinning away because her mission to destroy L. Marilyn is now accomplished. Boo hiss Coco! Because L. Marilyn is a freaking SAINT, or at least knows how to look like one on reality TV (a skill Coco lacks), she actually singles Coco out for thanks. Yeah, thanks, Coco, for the SABOTAGE. How does L. Marilyn get dropped but the freaking eye patch was in the top two?? So unfair. L. Marilyn promises us that her business line for the "real woman" will be launched. I have no doubt that whatever she puts her mind to, she can do.
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You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.