As expected, the mysterious passenger on the docks that night with Alexi was indeed Michael Ames -- but these latest revelations about Rosie's parentage call the usual presumptions into question, so Linden does some digging. Stan did, in fact, know that Rosie wasn't his biological daughter, but never bothered to find out who her biological father was, which parental behavior Linden finds delightful, because she was raised by an ant colony.
(We find out babydaddy's name, David Rainer, by episode's end -- but that's all. So it's not even a person on the show. Just some dude, some dude that's probably Michael Ames's accountant and sees the same hookers as Tom and went to college with Darren and gets his cars fixed down the street from Larsen's or Babka's or once was photographed getting a haircut to some dude Terry Marek met one time at a Wienerschnitzel in 1986. Rest assured, Linden and Holder are on the case.)
Mrs. Ames assures them her husband -- while a philandering, abusive creep -- is not Rosie's father (which is less comforting than it might be considering we still have no idea what their deal is, still), only that she was blackmailing him via text about some secret or another. After Holder messes with rapey little Jasper's head about his virginal girlfriend possibly sleeping with his dad, the baby creepster goes off half-cocked on a construction site, but his dad beats him into telling the cops that he was the one that sent the text from her phone, so that lead dries up too.
Darren gets through his first round of interviews by addressing them entirely to Jamie, because they are in gay love with each other and/or he's still post-traumatic and has imprinted on Jamie like a duckling. Up in DC, Gwen randomly remembers getting molested by politicians or something, and comes running back to the campaign so she can help Darren lose the stigma of having killed a girl one time. Jamie is, of course, delighted at her return. Oh, and the election is in a week, also known as the second season finale if you can do mathematics.
Stan spends some time at Rosie's grave, and eventually ends up in a screaming match with Alexi about that time Stan killed his father, but other than that it's a big stare-fest in the Stan department. Terry unhinges herself completely, early in the episode, having clearly developed Glenn Close-type feelings toward Mr. Ames that he does not reciprocate. Man, she is swiftly becoming the worst. She makes Mitch look...
Actually, no. Way up in Even Sadderville, Mitch continues her streak of being totally awesome. Just hanging out with Tina, listening to her obnoxious trashy stories, watching her do ballet and whatever she wants to do. But after pushing a little too hard on the "call your mom" button -- and narrowly avoiding once again the I'm just being nice, I'm not trying to have sex with you situation you get into so often with wounded runaways you pick up on the side of the road -- she wakes up to find horrible Tina has horribly ransacked her shit, emptied her wallet, and vanished again.
By the end, Carlson's got plausible reasons for killing all of Linden's warrants -- right now focusing on Ames's phone records and Casino stuff -- but a spooky moment at a party gives us Ben Abani, the Mayor, mean old Chief Nicole and the Ameses doing a sort of "we are in cahoots" hand-jive that says the story is eventually going to become about land deals after all.
But not before Linden gets her ass murdered, probably. After an episode full of the usual "Don't get too close to this murder of this one girl" and "I've seen what's in your file" stuff everybody hands her all the time because she is a crazy person, Sarah comes home to find a much-recovered Jack, a great grade on a quiz, and ... that spooky picture of the dead trees she's so obsessed with, pinned to the fridge where she did not put it. After a fairly suspenseful few minutes, she gathers up Jack and they spend the night at Holder's house. Which is, in turn, being watched by a mysterious smoking murderer in heavy black gloves.
week: Remembering what it's like when Chief Nicole is mean to you, and knowing he comes off like the trashiest casino rat of all time anyway, Linden sends Holder in under cover. Darren continues on the campaign trail, and hopefully Terry boils Jasper. Maybe that will be the Killing for the five seasons, and it won't even matter if they never get anywhere, because fuck that little shit and his whole grody family. All I know is, it's been a long time since we visited the Casino, but even longer since we had to deal with haunted Indian grave sites, so I'm hoping we get a few of those too.
PREVIOUSLY
Mysterious business at the casino. Jasper the rapist. CPS was everywhere up in your business, and Mitch had a Secret Box full of Secrets, including how Stan was not Rosie's birth father. Oh, and Terry made a strange appointment.
TERRY & AMES
Mr. Ames: "Terry, we've been through this. You are not my girlfriend, and I am not leaving my life. What you are is a bad idea."
Terry: "What I hear you saying is that we are very much in love."
Mr. Ames: "I don't know how to be more straightforward with you about this situation. We are not in love, and I will have you murdered."
Terry: "What you're saying is, I think, that I should fake a pregnancy."
Mr. Ames: "I am trying to be patient here, but also scare you off because you're really endangering my situation."
Terry: "I am prepared to go full-on crazy."
Mr. Ames: "I am prepared to physically fight you. Get out of my car."
DAY NINETEEN
Linden: "Coworker, talk to all the limo and towncar drivers in the world. And get me Michael Ames's phone records. And I will bother the scary casino people, and also Stan some more."
Stan: "Are you here to be weird about Alexi some more?"
Linden: "Alexi has nothing to do with your daughter's death. I am here on other business."
Stan: "Let me guess, it's some red herring person we've never met before that I will end up accidentally killing."
Linden: "No, Grieving Parent. This is about your semen."
Stan: "Oh man."
HOTEL
Tina: "Hey, death lady. Can I 'chill' in your room for like 'five'?"
Mitch: "Sure! You want to take a shower? I have towels and sadness at the ready."
Tina: "I'm going to need at least twenty minutes before I'm prepared to do it with you."
Mitch: "I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say this, but I am not going to be sleeping with you."
Tina: "So then what's your game?"
Mitch: "Frankly it is almost worse than that. Think of this as a job interview for the position of being my new dead daughter."
Tina: "I am going to need at least twenty-five minutes for that one."
LARSEN
Stan: "We were on a break! She got pregnant, I was cool with it."
Linden: "I approve of you. In my experience, not even biological parents are willing to take care of you, so you are doubly a good dad."
Stan: "So how did Rosie find out about our relationship? Because it seems she went nuts."
Linden: "Is there a clue I don't know about."
Stan: "Yes. A secret box full of secret things. Rosie was obsessed with it. It is now gone."
Linden: "Is there anything else that is gone."
Stan: "Yes. My bummer wife."
Linden: "I would be sorry to hear that, if I understood human emotions. Please leave me alone in your dead daughter's room so I can steal her things like a crazy person."
HOSPITAL
Richmond: "I mean, how hard is it to tie my shoes?"
Jamie: "I just like it down here."
ROSIE'S ROOM
Linden: "I guess if you were a normal girl with parents, you would have things like this. Lip gloss, windchimes indoors, barrettes. A bed."
Outside the window, there's a sad-ass ashtray full of the constant rain. Linden stares at it for awhile; thinks about gum.
Linden: "Man there is something about this house that makes you just stare into space forever."
Holder: "Linden, the person in the mysterious limo was Michael Ames. He had an overnight bag with him, just like Rosie did."
Linden: "People with overnight bags sleep with each other."
Holder: "I guess so. Listen, he was supposed to fly to Vegas and never got on the plane. Sound like anybody we know?"
Linden: "Stop making fun of my mental illness."
SCHOOL
Linden: "Grieving Aunt. We need to speak to you about being a prostitute."
Terry: "Okay, let me just send these little boys to their classrooms first before we talk about that."
Terry: "My whorehouse was having a party, and I met Michael Ames, and we fell very much in love. It was not a sex date, just a party. We didn't even kiss that first night."
Holder: "I thought hookers didn't ever kiss on the mouth."
Terry: "Whatever. Sex workers get no respect. So yeah, he told me we were going to get a condo together and he was going to leave that amazing house and his super scary wife and rapist son and come live with me in Crazytown forever."
Linden: "Did that really happen."
Terry: "No, I am just a psycho stalker."
Holder: "Were you supposed to go with him to Vegas that night?"
Terry: "Yeah, I even had an overnight bag."
Linden: "Eureka."
Terry: "Look, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I am probably a very sad hooker who got sold a bill of goods by an incredibly corrupt local contractor and is even now living in a fantasy world that is going to get my creepy ass killed."
Linden: "All true."
Terry: "But what we have in common is, we both want better for ourselves. Like me, I want a rich husband so I can go from being a regular prostitute to being the socially sanctioned kind. And he wanted a better life with a spooky lady who only accepts fine crystal dining ware for her sex favors."
Linden: "It is indeed a win/win."
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Holder: "They just called me about Rosie's burner phone records. She sent Ames a text that said, 'Give me five grand or I will tell your wife.'"
Linden: "That seems relevant."
HQ
Linden fools around with some lip gloss she stole from Rosie's room, while staring at yet another hilarious white-board list of random things. Today it's a vague timeline of things that happened once, like, this one time Rosie called Alexi. This other time, Rosie texted Michael Ames. One time, the Magna Carta was signed. Another time, Jasper Ames raped a witch.
Linden: "But what is the connection."
Holder: "I'd say you're going A Beautiful Mind on this shit, but that would be fully redundant."
Linden: "So was Ames her dad, or her john?"
Holder: "Either way she was blackmailing a powerful, corrupt local businessman, who's friends with the Mayor. If this goes anywhere, our jobs are fucked."
Linden: "Clearly nothing I do can endanger our job security, Coworker. Let's get a warrant for Michael Ames's phone records too. All the phone records."
Holder: "Wait, but she dated Jasper Ames? Her maybe-brother?"
Linden: "The list of reasons to avoid dating Jasper Ames is so long and full of notable entries that overlooking even one thing probably means overlooking a ton of things."
AMES
Jasper, chilling in a douchey bathrobe, ganks some champagne from the maid, who hates him.
Holder: "[Pissy wigger nonsense.]"
Jasper: "Wanna hang out? Just as long as I don't end up a gimp like that politician, I mean."
Holder: "In a TV show when people use words like gimp or retarded, it's so the audience knows you shouldn't like that character."
Linden: "Also when they rape teen witches, that is also a sign."
Jasper: "Or when they make this face I make, that is mostly just my face."
Holder: "So, your girlfriend was fucking your dad, huh?"
Jasper: "No, and no."
Holder: "Come on, she wouldn't give it up to you. That had to burn."
Jasper: "Because what I'm all about is consensual sex between two loving adults?"
Holder: "I'm getting nowhere."
Jasper, verbatim: "Anybody ever tell you you're white?"
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Jasper: "Or when they make this face I make, that is mostly just my face."
Holder: "So, your girlfriend was fucking your dad, huh?"
Jasper: "No, and no."
Holder: "Come on, she wouldn't give it up to you. That had to burn."
Jasper: "Because what I'm all about is consensual sex between two loving adults?"
Holder: "I'm getting nowhere."
Jasper, verbatim: "Anybody ever tell you you're white?"
Holder makes the must hilarious face, at Linden, like he can't believe teenagers because they will totally point out the mole on your face, or the fact that you have gained weight. Except those are physiological, whereas the incredibly annoying thing Jasper just pointed out is an affectation and a choice, so get real. Get real, homie!
Holder: "But surely you knew that she was a prostitute."
Jasper: "As usual, you two idiots have no idea what's really going on."
Holder & Linden: "That is valid. That's a valid point."
Jasper: "She wasn't a prostitute, we never hooked up because she was weird about sex, she was obsessed with the fact that her life was a lie, she cried whenever I tried to fuck her, I think of 'the bitch' as 'meat Kryptonite'..."
Linden: "Charming."
Jasper: "...And this whole lead is a false alarm. My dad came home that night at four AM, in a cab. A taxi cab, if you can believe it. With a broken taillight. The Terry Marek of automobiles."
TV INTERVIEW
Previously, Jamie warned Darren that this lady would start soft and sweet, and then go right for the kill in a Barbara Walters, make-you-cry way. So Darren doesn't let her go there, because he is a professional and because his hair is back how it belongs. But all around the world, people are having opinions. Like in DC:
Aide: "That dude is so high on painkillers!"
Aide: "That dude killed a little girl! He must be high to think he can win."
Gwen: "He was exonerated of that Killing."
Aides: "Yeah, well, tell that to Chandra Levy."
Gwen: "Gary Condit didn't kill Chandra Levy."
Aides: "Then why do you know his name?"
Gwen: "Oh, I see what you're saying now."
Lady: "So don't you just feel terrible for yourself all the time and cry in the bathroom and stab yourself in the leg and constantly fire people and then let them come back and have imaginary sunlight on your paralyzed body? Your wife didn't fall off a bridge into crab nets? How do you keep from just going full Larsen, or killing yourself right here on live television?"
Not really, but he does tell the story of Jamie's grandfather, and he does tell it while staring wetly into Jamie's eyes just off-camera, and they do have gay boner erections while this is happening, so.
DC
Gwen's Dad: "Hey, remember when I used to literally whore you out to the City Council under the guise of teaching you about politics?"
Gwen: "No, I have repressed those memories."
Gwen's Dad: "You don't remember being an exploited teenager? What about if I actually use the phrase backroom politics?"
Gwen: "Oh, it's all coming back to me now. If you'll excuse me, I have to throw up everything I've ever eaten and then go back to Seattle and then maybe go to therapy."
AMES
Jasper runs up to his dad on a construction site and starts screaming about how maybe he had sex with or manipulated or murdered Rosie Larsen, which his father finds really unprofessional.
KROLL
Stan watches Alexi come out of Monica's house, and he thinks about how probably he should have an awkward conversation with Alexi about their various situations they have going on, but then scary old Monica comes out too and they drive away. Stan, you should leave Alexi alone. I realize that you are in your own movie about your adopted daughter getting murdered, but Alexi is also in a movie. An Ogi Jun movie where you murdered his father for no reason, which is still true. I say, go back to work. Or try parenting. Or tell Terry Marek to get a real person job and get out of your house and stop listening to hipster chillwave in your upstairs bedrooms like some kind of ghost with bangs and pretending she's going to get married to some abusive dude.
MOTEL
Tina: "...In summation, I am the living worst."
Mitch: "You really are! It is droll."
Tina: "Wanna watch me do ballet? Wanna think about how every story I tell you ends up with me getting molested by an older woman in an authority position?"
Mitch: "Yes to the first thing, no to the second."
She does her ballet moves, and Mitch starts crying because even this obnoxious fucked-up monster girl with pink hair stripes and a million holes in her face is better than old dead Rosie.
Mitch: "Maybe you should just call your mom at least, and tell her your plans to join the Cincinnati Ballet."
Tina: "Stop talking about my mom! Always with the mom thing!"
Mitch: "And yet no matter how many times you make it clear that I'm crossing the line with that, I will continue to do it, because I am mad with grief."
Tina: "It's okay. I really don't understand boundaries at all. But I am going to scream about it for a minute! Bring me my clothing! My laundry you are doing for me!"
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Mitch: "Okay, Tina. I brought your clo... Oh, you're asleep on the bed. What would be a totally normal thing for me to do right now? Probably climb in bed with you. Night night."
INVESTIGATORS!
Linden: Ignore Call.
Holder: "Is that your fiancé begging for you to fly to Sonoma?"
Linden: "No, I screwed that pooch. In the vernacular. This is Jack's father I am ignoring. Please roll down your window if you are going to smoke anything besides a million pieces of gum."
Holder: "I have come to the conclusion that you are obsessed with Rosie Larsen and possibly with another unrelated dead girl from before."
Linden: "You should be a CIA profiler."
Holder: "Did you know a fact about elephants?"
Linden: "Animals do not interest me. Only dead girls."
Linden: "Hello Coworker. You will update me on my various warrants over the telephone."
Coworker: "Well, Lt. Carlson has killed both your Ames phone record warrant and your casino warrant."
Linden: "This must be what humans call a panic attack."
HQ
When they get back to the station -- since basically they have nothing to do now -- Gil comes out of Carlson's office grinning as if to say "We white men have a plan," but Carlson pretends it's unrelated and then before you know it, Michael Ames shows up with a lawyer and Jasper in tow.
Jasper: "I am quite the trickster, it turns out. See, after I shat myself at his job site, my father beat me into remembering that it was I who sent the blackmailing text message. From Rosie's phone. As a hilarious joke."
Holder: "Yes, your sense of humor is legendary. Nothing quite like the whimsical sense of fun you bring to the everyday, Jasper Ames."
Michael: "So I guess we're done here. That obvious lie is somehow proof that I didn't kill that little girl who might be my daughter or my prostitute."
Lawyer: "He's right. It says so in the law. By the way, here is a credit card record that proves he took the ferry to and from the casino that night, which is an actual alibi."
Holder: "The night you were supposed to leave for Las Vegas, you took a ferry to a casino? Really?"
Michael: "You might say I have a problem."
Linden: "I have a problem also. It is that you arrived at home in a cab at four AM..."
Michael: "I have to go construct things now. Goodbye."
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Lawyer: "He's right. It says so in the law. By the way, here is a credit card record that proves he took the ferry to and from the casino that night, which is an actual alibi."
Holder: "The night you were supposed to leave for Las Vegas, you took a ferry to a casino? Really?"
Michael: "You might say I have a problem."
Linden: "I have a problem also. It is that you arrived at home in a cab at four AM..."
Michael: "I have to go construct things now. Goodbye."
Carlson: "Stop going after powerful rich white men! And powerful mean Indian ladies! I have valid reasons for killing both your warrants! Look, you swung at Ames, okay, and you missed. Thank God you didn't get him shot too. But you really have to start doing your job correctly. Like with even the slightest gesture toward doing things right."
Linden: "What am I supposed to do in this episode without any warrants, Superior. I am being sarcastic."
Holder: "And Rosie saw him there, at the ferry dock. She called Alexi."
Carlson: "And then he what, stashed her body on the ferry?"
Linden: "My voice is rising in both pitch and volume, to indicate stress."
Carlson: "Pull. Your shit. Together. I've read your file, I know how nuts you are."
Linden: "Point taken, Superior."
Holder: "Sarah, are you okay? For a second your face showed a hint of color."
Linden: "That is merely physiology, Coworker. I have resumed operating at acceptable levels for the time being. Disregard."
CEMETERY
Alexi: "So you stalked me for a while, and then came to your daughter's grave site? You really are trying to be the new Mitch."
Stan: "I wish I knew how she found out about her genetic parentage. I was going to tell her when she was a little older."
Alexi: "Yes, you're a good father. You know who was not a great father? The corpse of my dad."
Stan: "I have been meaning to talk to you about that."
Alexi: "I just want you to understand that I stalked you for a year, Ogi Jun-style. And the only thing that saved your life was Rosie."
Stan: "Who is now dead. Hmm. Have you ever noticed how shitty the weather is all the time?"
HOSPITAL
The election is in a week. That means the finale.
Gwen: "Hey, I... Oh, you're calling donors. I can wait."
She leaves, and goes to the elevator. Little Jamie comes running up and for a second you think it's going to go a certain way.
Gwen: "Ever get his morning routine figured out?"
Jamie: "Ugh, I forgot how nasty we are to each other. Forget it. Nice seeing you."
THAT AMES HOUSE
Linden: "Sally Ames. You are engaged in a social function, which you are hosting here at your home. You may think me bothering you in the middle of that is a mistake based on my lack of social skills. And you would be correct. But I am also doing this to throw you off."
Sally: "Good Lord. Okay, spaz, listen up. I am in lockstep with my husband on this one. You cannot drive a wedge between us, because we are united in WASPdom and we have no secrets. Does he fuck around on me? Yeah, I thrive on it. We have an open marriage, in the Gingrich sense where I'm not allowed to fuck around but he is. Are we cold and unfeeling toward each other? Yes. We are cold and unfeeling, period. Do we have a child that is possibly the Antichrist but definitely sucky? Indeed we do, and I couldn't care less. Do we have a prenup? Baby, the money's all mine. There's nothing you can do about me."
Linden: "But what about Rosie? Did you know Stan's not her father?"
Sally: "The year Rosie and Jasper were born, we lived in West Timor. I do not believe that Mitch Marek Larsen was in West Timor at that time. He's not the daddy. There are other secrets. There will always, detectives, be more secrets. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my party. Specifically, the Rat King clique of everybody that's scary on this entire show. Turns out we're all best friends."
Holden: "So he's not the dad?"
Linden: "But she did see him that night. Like we keep saying over and over."
Holder: "Oh shit, look who's going into that party of terrible people. It's mean Nicole, the chief of the Indians and the boss of the casino!"
Linden: "Even among the set defined by 'all people,' I still dislike her just a little more. In any case, we should bug Ames's office and phone. And also the casino. And also everybody, all the time."
Holder: "Maybe you should cool it, and get realistic."
Linden: "Are you a traitor. Are you kissing Carlson's ass now because you have become a real detective."
Holder: "No, I just don't like it when people hold your mental illness over your head like that, and I am trying to think of ways to keep them from doing it, and it seems like not acting crazy would be a good place to start."
Linden: "Coworker. Your logic is ... perceivable."
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HEARTBREAK MOTEL
Mitch: "...Where am I? Oh, that's right. In bed with a horrible teen."
She touches Tina's hair and starts talking to her as though she were dead Rosie, and finally Tina wakes up.
Tina: "Oh, we're doing this now? Okay, fine."
Mitch: "Oh my God, I am not going to have sex with you! Stop being weird! Now just lie there and pretend I'm your mommy, and I am going to lie here and pretend you're my dead daughter."
GWEN
Mayor on TV: "I'm just asking questions, not implying anything! When I say that Darren Richmond refuses to discuss that night he 'didn't kill' that little girl, I'm just saying it's interesting. I certainly don't mean to suggest..."
Gwen: "This tool."
The phone rings; nobody says anything at first.
Darren: "Sushi or falafel?"
Gwen: "Chicken shawarma, actually."
Darren: "We know little things about each other from working together and being lovers. Hey, how's your dad?"
Gwen: "Uh. How's Jamie?"
Darren: "He's exhibiting ... maternal instincts."
Gwen: "Call me if he tries to breastfeed you."
Darren: "No, um, comment. Hey, do you wanna come work for me? I can't promise I won't randomly be a dick some more. I do tend to punish people for abandoning me, as part of my whole Orpheus metaphor."
Gwen: "As long as we can sigh and feel bad about everything, all the time, for the whole rest of our lives."
Darren: "Good to have you back. In a nonromantic sense."
LINDEN HOTEL
A dude is replacing the lights in the hallway, as featured on a episode where Sarah thought she was being stalked but she wasn't. Or was she.
Jack: "I was sick and dying yesterday, remember, so I may have done poorly on this quiz today."
Sarah: "Show it to me. The quiz."
Jack: "Psych, I totally did great."
Sarah: "Man, I am about to act so awkward. I will clomp around with a huge goofy overbite grin and search my complex system of suitcases for a magnet with which to affix this quiz to the refrigerator in our kitchenette, all the while talking about parents and parenting as though they are a British TV show and I am only familiar with the failed American version that was cancelled after three episodes. It will unexpectedly be the most depressing and affecting moment in the episode, because nobody ever wanted to be a better parent than Sarah Linden, or had less to work with."
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So that happens, and I got a little sniffly about it, because there's a way in which Sarah's whole thing is like, she has this excess of love to give, because she's been storing it up since she was just a little thing, and now she has people to give it to, but that's the part she doesn't know how to do. Like, this nuclear amount of love on one side of the wall, and other people on the other side of the wall, and no idea how to cross it. And so when she gets to dork out, it's fake by being real, because real seems fake to her, which makes it too real to actually look at.
I hate karaoke because watching a person sing is like watching them take off their skin and put it back on, inside-out, and then everybody pretends that didn't just happen. That you're not seeing the most violent awkward truth about a person when that happens.
But already on the fridge, in the middle of this -- with even Jack getting in on it, doing the whole ugh mommmmmm role he's supposed to play in this little routine -- there's that spooky fingerpaint picture of the dead trees by the lake that I don't remember from any time before lately, but I'm guessing it's just because I'm not that observant and that in fact this painting has been a thing for awhile. Anyway, it's stuck to the fridge. And she didn't put it there, and Jack didn't put it there, and that means even this motel is not homeless enough anymore to be safe.
UPPER SADNESS, WA
Darren's on TV, talking about adversity, when Mitch wakes up. Alone, of course. Wallet empty. Secret Box emptied out on the floor. She cries, I thought she might actually barf this time, but then for no other reason than plot parallels, she randomly pulls it together and picks up this letter she wrote when she was a teenager, that makes her start crying again: The letter she wrote to Rosie's father, a David Rainer, when she found out she was pregnant.
HOLDER
Linden: "Coworker. Are you home."
Holder: "Yeah, what's up?"
Linden: "I am standing outside your front door. You will grant us ingress and we will live with you now."
Holder, worried: "No questions asked. A, because I can tell you're shitting it, and B, because you would just be rude about it anyway. And C, because Jack is my favorite for at least two reasons, at least one of which is legitimate."
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HOLDER
Linden: "Coworker. Are you home."
Holder: "Yeah, what's up?"
Linden: "I am standing outside your front door. You will grant us ingress and we will live with you now."
Holder, worried: "No questions asked. A, because I can tell you're shitting it, and B, because you would just be rude about it anyway. And C, because Jack is my favorite for at least two reasons, at least one of which is legitimate."
MONTAGE
Sally: "Mayor Evil! Ben Abani! Mean Chief Nicole! It's so great to have you at my party. Let's drink some champagne and then go downstairs and torture teen girls to death or something."
Terry, silently: "Well, I'm home. I don't wanna talk about it."
Stan, silently: "Yeah? I didn't ask. More interested in staring into space forever."
Mitch: "I was already really sad. I better read this letter and remember how I eventually went back to my high school sweetheart, who was in the Mob and killed a guy. I wonder how old David Rainer is doing these days. Also, what I am going to do with no money."
Holder and Jack wrestle, with Sarah staring and watching their human male behavior, while downstairs on the street, a very menacing person in thick black gloves smokes a cigarette and watches them through the window. I bet he's like, "Oh girl, the pictures I'm gonna stick on Stephen Holder's fridge. Just you wait."
WEEK
Linden sends Holder into the casino, posing as an addict. I hope he's convincing! Meanwhile, Stan and Darren talk about old dead Rosie and how they were both complex father figures for her, and how she was maybe a prostitute. Possibly Sarah fights Indian ghosts from the Indian cemetery, but more likely she just chews gum and is rude to them.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps Gossip Girl, The Good Wife, Pretty Little Liars and True Blood for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, on Twitter, and on Facebook. IRL work appears in BenBella's SmartPop series of anthologies, most recently A Friday Night Lights Companion and Fringe Science.