In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Bonanza City faces an unexpected problem for kids who have to work all the time: they're even more bored than their audience is. So the Council decides to throw a talent show in the Saloon. The episode also kills time by introducing some new characters, like homesick Kentuckians Savannah and Kennedy, as well as Blue team sluggards Natasha and Migle, whose Upper-Class laziness prompts Greg and Blaine to threaten to throw the challenge in order to make them work. When the Showdown comes, the kids have to create mosaics using gumballs they have to chew themselves. Green finally gets to be Upper Class for the first time. Blue is in second place, since Greg and Blaine were bluffing; Red comes in third; and Yellow not only has to be Laborers, they lost the reward for the whole town, which would have been a choice between paint to brighten things up and an all-night block party. Not getting either doesn't appear to help Savannah's crippling homesickness. At the talent show, Kelsey plays the piano, Campbell emits a piercing shriek, and Eric sings and plays piano. Jared barely gets through a daunting Shakespeare monologue, and Greg and Blaine do a drag Shakespeare revue. Jasmine sings, Olivia does a standup routine that the kids like (and I don't), and Kennedy's entire act seems to be acting like an idiot. And then Savannah steals the show by announcing that she's staying. Afterwards, the Council is torn between Olivia and Kennedy for the Gold Star. At the Town Hall meeting, DK drafts Laurel into singing, and we learn that she was holding out on us at the talent show. Finally, the Gold Star goes to Kennedy for her performance, along with the credit for getting Savannah to stay. And Divad's still bitter about being passed over. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
It's Day 23, and things are pretty quiet in Bonanza City. So quiet, in fact, that Sophia is killing time by lying catatonic in the middle of the street. It becomes reminiscent of that Radiohead video for "Just," as more and more people happen along and lie to her in the dirt. It's as if some capricious god has, for reasons known only to itself, gathered up an unlikely assortment of American children and dropped them out of the sky into the middle of nowhere. Which is of course precisely what has happened. When Greg joins the accreting mass of supine teens and tweens, he just happens to lie face-up on top of Sophia, who acts all disgusted. Make of that what you will (as though you need my permission). I can't tell exactly how many kids are there by the time Sophia gets bored and leaves, but there are about twelve to fifteen. The moral? Bonanza City is boring. "See what I've resorted to?" Sophia asks us. And this is yet another reason you don't subject kids to the stresses of being on a reality show. Adults get bored in front of cameras, too, but at least they can get through it by drinking and sexing each other.
The ennui appears to be universal, as Jared informs us that one of the causes of the Dark Ages was "they ditched art and entertainment." Wow, it's almost like the show's writers knew this episode would be airing in the first week of a WGA strike. In the Red bunkhouse, DK and a bunch of randoms are talking angrily about the lack of entertainment options, and they decide to have a meeting. Like, right now. They go to the chapel and ring the bell, summoning the kids to gather around. Anjay, looking a bit peeved that people have gone over the Council's head, asks DK what's up. "You'll see in a minute," is the answer. Up on the platform, DK says that he and his randoms were the ones who rang the bell, and it's because they're "fed up." They need to do more, he says. But nobody seems to have any specific ideas, least of all the Council. Okay, good meeting!
See, this is one of those increasingly frequent times where that "building a world" shit wears especially thin. They're not building a world. They're trying to get through a 40 day camping trip. These kids aren't working to improve their standard of living for the long term. The only time they spend doing that is during the hour or less that each episode's Showdown takes up, and then at the end of it they get handed (or occasionally they don't) one of two rewards that the producers decided beforehand to offer them. There's no innovation on the part of the townspeople; the kids are either just doing routine jobs to keep things operating, or they're scampering around trying to win some amenity bestowed from on high. If they were really "building a world," I guarantee you Greg would have had hot and cold running chicken in every bunkhouse by now.
But anyway. The Council decides to go read the Pioneer Journal, because that's always helpful. It warns them that back in the day, all the people of Bonanza City did was work and sleep, so things got pretty dull. "So we took up gamblin' and gunfightin' and boozin' and whorin'. Bye, now!" No, it doesn't really say that, alas. Instead, the Journal advises the kids to put on a show. Question: what the hell was Bonanza City doing with the thirty-foot violin that shows up in one of those daguerreotypes? Maybe the town wouldn't have gone bust if they hadn't blown so much money on useless crap like that. Elsewhere, in the present day, Mike is trying to exhort a group of kids, complaining that all they're doing is living. So, what are you planning to do with those drumsticks in your hand, Mike? Launch an off-off-off-Broadway production of Stomp? The Council closes the Pioneer Journal, and Zach suggests three options: a play, a talent show, or both. They decide to go with the middle thing, probably because the producers warned them they wouldn’t be able to broadcast anything they don't have the rights to. What a shame we'll never get to see the Bonanza City Players' production of Jesus Christ, Superstar..
So the Council goes into the mess hall during breakfast, as they always do after these Pioneer Journal sessions. Do they just miss breakfast those days? Or did the 1885 pioneers have the foresight to leave them a few croissants? The Council announces that there's going to be a talent show tomorrow. Everyone cheers, loving the idea. Zach says the show will take place in the Saloon the day. That's not much time to put something together. The sign-up sheet goes up inside one of the buildings, and among the many people who scrawl illegible doodles on it in blue crayon, it looks like Olivia is going to be doing stand-up comedy. Anjay, Olivia's favorite target, interviews that he's "quite scared." I am too, but for different reasons. We see Jared sign up to do a bit from Henry V (a copy of which he bought at the store in the premiere) as he interviews that Bonanza City is beginning to rise from the primeval dust to a more civilized society, thanks to the arts. Maybe you want to wait until you see the show before you pronounce that judgment, Sparky. DK agrees with the importance of the arts to culture as a whole, over a montage of Sophia practicing the harmonica, Eric practicing on a gorgeous acoustic bass guitar he got from somewhere (seriously, I want), and Kelsey practicing on the Saloon's upright piano. And now we learn that the arts aren't just an important thing this week; they're the only important thing, because Laurel has rounded up the Council to float her idea of giving this week's Gold Star to whomever does the best job in the talent show. The other Council members seem receptive to the idea. Maybe they should tell the kids this before the show? No?
Well, no, because then maybe Kennedy (we've never met her before; she's 12, on the Green team, and from Kentucky) might take the whole thing a little more seriously, and then the outcome of this episode might be quite different. But as it is, she interviews, "I basically like to make myself look like an idiot." As we see her trying out her "act" on Guylan, I have to give her credit for truth in advertising. Remember Sophia's dancing for nickels to buy her bike? This is like that, only without the dignity and reserve.
Meanwhile, Jared is in the chicken coop. I can't get an accurate count, but it doesn't look like the avian population has declined much since the last time we saw Greg kill a pair of hens. But now Jared appears to be trying to do some of them in by practicing his Shakespeare monologue on them. And he's having second thoughts about this, but he already signed up. Suddenly the Dark Ages don't sound so bad.
Some kids are hanging out in one of the stores, trying to convince Olivia to try out some of her stand-up material. Because she's too busy just sitting there staring at everyone, Olivia declines. Or she freezes. One of the two. Sophia interviews that Olivia is "serious" and "doesn't like to have fun" and is "standoffish." More pieces to the puzzle of what the other kids think of Olivia. Never mind, at least Mallory likes her. Back in the store, Sophia threatens to walk away if Olivia doesn't stop boring her. Which she does. Unlike me, Sophia gets paid the same whether she's bored out of the room or not.
Greg and Blaine are putting together a little Shakespeare performance of their own. We join their rehearsal in progress. Greg comes out onto the Saloon balcony and calls down, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou[sic]?" Pan down to Blaine, with his back to us behind the bar, hollering back, "Hold up, I'm peeing!" Oh, those rascals. Greg has apparently spent too much of his childhood working and not enough of it reading Shakespeare, because from there it sort of devolves into some kind of Rapunzel type of scene. Why would Greg and Blaine waste money on actual Shakespeare texts in the dry goods store when they can throw together a perfectly serviceable performance script based on snippets they've seen on TV? Jared happens upon this little rehearsal, and he's not as horrified by this bastardization of the bard as you might think.
So, people still cook, right? Even though they have time to be bored? Okay, we're in the kitchen, where Kentuckians Savannah and Kennedy are busy putting together a "Kentucky dinner." This appears to call for a great deal of sliced bell peppers and onions. Hmm, I'm listening. But the main ingredient, it turns out, is homesickness. Yes, several weeks ago, Savannah was the one who didn't want to pray with atheist people, but now she is The One Who May Go Home This Week.
Day 24. Olivia interviews that she's nervous about the talent show, but she's happy to have her sister's support. "It's good to know that I'm not alone in anything I do because she's here with me." Sitting to Olivia, Mallory looks up disinterestedly from the weeds she's weaving together and wonders if she can go yet.
Greg and Blaine are hauling water, as Greg interviews that his Blue team is going to continue working even though they're currently in the Upper Class. Ah, but here are his teammates Natasha (13, from Florida) and Migle (also 13, from Illinois, pronounced "me-GLAY," apparently) , who seem to be working only on lying in their bunks and talking about the stuff they miss at home. In separate interviews, they freely admit that that's pretty much all they're doing. Alex makes another insightful comment, saying that Natasha and Migle have been compared to Paris and Nicole, but he claims he doesn't know what that means. If that's true, that one comment has given me more hope for the future than anything else that's happened all season. All this shirking on the girls' part is getting on Greg and Blaine's nerves, so they pull their Council leader Anjay aside to talk about it. And what they're considering doing is throwing the Showdown so Natasha and Migle can do toilets and garbage. Anjay doesn't like the idea, since they'd have to work too, after all. Greg agrees to see how the girls do today, and to go warn them what they're thinking. So he and Blaine go do that, while Anjay sits out the meeting. The mark of a true leader is knowing when to delegate, you know. The girls seem to have known that some kind of come-to-Jesus meeting was coming, but they weren't expecting to have Greg threaten to hang a lost Showdown around their necks. Migle interviews that she doesn't want that to happen and find herself being hated. Wait, isn't this the part of the reality show where the person says they didn't come here to make friends? Apparently not.
So here's a weird moment. Savannah is coming back from the water pump with a freshly filled canteen. Leaning against a wagon, Alex thoughtfully watches her approach, and goes up to meet her. In itself, not much to comment there, until you notice that (a) there's some acoustic late-CW-episode sad romance music playing, implying that these two are a love that can never be, and (b) Alex has one tooth. Fortunately for my sensibilities, he only wants to talk to her about how she's doing. Savannah interviews that she misses her sister the most, and her mom and dad. I can't decide if I do or don't hope that Savannah also has a brother at home. Alex makes a direct appeal to Savannah, saying that the Kentucky dinner was really good, and that Savannah makes a positive contribution to the town. Savannah interviews that she misses home, but it would be hard to say goodbye to everyone, and she doesn't know what to do. This is still an issue for people after the halfway point?
Showdown prep montage. "Are we gonna win this?" Anjay yells at his team. "Nope," Greg answers mildly. Hee. Anjay seems at a loss, but he finally gets everyone to yell something positive, except Greg. Green, meanwhile, is girding for battle. They've clearly decided that this is their week to win Upper Class, which they have never won before, and which every other team has at least once. Zach also exhorts his team, and the editors shoehorn in an interview of Zach's teammate Colton interviewing that all they do is work and never get to have any fun.
Cut to the kids running full-tilt out to the Showdown field, like they always do. I assume the producers make them do that, because why else would they want to wear themselves out before the competition? Jonathan flogs the arts and entertainment theme of this week's episode and says that this Showdown is an art project; specifically, they're filling in big paint-by-letters pictures using chewed bubble gum. It's not as hard as it sounds; each team has a big canvas divided into little areas labeled with the first letter of each of the four colors, and then they just have to stick one gooey wad into the middle of each area. It's not like they have to blend together a photorealistic mosaic using gum as a medium. On the other hand, there's a lot of little areas on each board, so it'll be plenty time-consuming and chewing-intensive. When it's done, it'll be a picture of a horse or a llama or something on a hill, not that anyone cares. Jonathan explains how it'll work: District leaders will hand coins to their team members, who will use them to buy gumballs out of big dispensers standing about thirty feet away. And then they have to chew them all one at a time, and hand them to the Council leaders, who stick them on the board. The Council leaders aren't too thrilled about having to handle all this ABC gum, but what are you gonna do? First to finish is Upper Class, blah blah blah. And they all have an hour to finish in order to get the town reward. Ready, set, chew!
Things get off to a slow start. First, the Council leaders have to hand quarters out to all of their teammates, and then the teammates have to run to the gumball machines and buy gumballs one at a time. And it's the kind of machine where the gumball takes forever to roll down a long Plexiglas spiral before you can get to it. But once things get started, the momentum appears to build. Guylan interviews, "I thought this was going to be disgusting, difficult, and just all-around gross. As soon as we started, I realized: I was completely right." Cue the montage of kids handing each other wads of bright, slimy, gum that coats their hands in stained, multicolored drool. "Gross," Jonathan observes. Ten minutes in, the Green district is in the lead. On Blue, Migle's hauling ass to try and overcome any attempt to throw the Showdown that might be underway. Which, Greg interviews, was only an empty threat all along. Thought so. Blue is almost tied with Green, with Yellow and Red having trouble. Zach, for some reason, has decided to get fastidious, refusing to take gum that people have spit on. Not a winning attitude in this particular challenge. Jonathan asks Guylan if he thinks they can catch up. Through a mouthful of gum, Guylan says no and adds that feels like he's about to throw up. Anjay is really getting into this, further chewing gum that other people have already started on. Laurel uses her hands to work her jaw, interviewing that her orthodontist is going to kill her. Campbell "dances" while chewing, by which I mean that he walks around like a robot while the editors stick some breakdancing music in there. Whatever. Laurel sticks the last piece up for Green, but one falls off before she can raise the flag for her team and she has to stick a new one up. This goes on a few more times -- I'm not positive that Laurel isn't re-chewing pieces that fell in the dirt, because some of those that she's re-sticking look a bit dingy -- and finally Green wins Upper Class, for the first time ever. They are unsurprisingly jubilant.
Blue finishes up shortly afterward, and Migle interviews that she and Natasha are working more now. Storyline over! Red and Yellow have five minutes to go, and it's not looking good for Yellow. "Every one gumball I put up, two fell down," Zach interviews. That's because his sticking technique sucks. He just sticks them up there by poking them in the middle without pressing them down around the edges at all, so they fall off as soon as they're dry. Red finishes up, getting to be the Cooks. There's less than a minute left for Yellow, and...they don't make it. No reward for you! "The gum just wouldn't stick to the board," Zach says. Weird, all the other teams seemed to manage it. If Zach faces any recriminations after this, we won't see it.
So now Jonathan gets to show them what they would have won if they'd finished in time. The first option is a crate full of paint -- bright green, red, yellow, and blue, along with brushes and rollers and pans, so they could have painted the town. I'm sure the Santa Fe Historical Society would have loved that. Option number two? An all-night block party, as represented by a disco in a crate; balloons, disco ball, sound system, popcorn, the works. Everything but beer and ecstasy. Blaine dances a little anyway, and then everyone heads back into town empty-handed. Zach interviews that after being denied the reward, the talent show is now more important than ever: "We need to have some fun in Bonanza City or this town will fail just like it did in the 1880s." I have a question. Did the original Bonanza City last for more than 40 days? Because no matter what, it seems to me like our kids are going to have a hard time lasting longer than that.
Late at night, Jared is still practicing his monologue in his long underwear and moon-boots, as you do. He's considering backing out of the talent show entirely if he can't get off-book in time. In the Green bunkhouse, the team is congratulating itself on attaining Upper Class in only 23 days. All hail the masters of mastication! But in another bunkhouse, one of their number, Savannah, is breaking down, telling Kennedy and Red's Mike (who is epically bored, although he does shift himself to mention that the Kentucky dinner was really good) that although she loves the people there, she really wants to go home.
It looks like the morning, but I don't know how it's not Day 24, and how the talent show didn't already happen the day before. Jasmine (Red, 11, from Georgia), gets a line for the first time, saying that the talent show will bring some excitement. Kind of sad that her one line was that boring. The new jobs are in effect, because we see Taylor going through the bunkhouses collecting laundry now that Yellow are the Laborers for the first time. "Boys smelly poisoning all over it," she fusses awesomely at us, throwing garments willy-nilly into a laundry basket. One particularly mysterious item looks like some kind of leather harness or something. I have no idea. I'm sure it's Jared's. But how cool is it to see Taylor actually doing work? And if we can get more of those incoherent, verb-free rants from her in the process, that's just gravy.
More talent show prep. Nothing you don't already know. Olivia is still nervous, Jared is still cramming, etc. And then it's time for the show. Overblown Oscar-night fanfare accompanies footage of the kids filing into the Saloon, where Markelle (12, also from Georgia) is emceeing. Guylan interviews that everyone hopes the show will boost morale. The Council, by the way, are all sitting behind the bar, like the Emperor's box at the Coliseum or something. I hope that wasn't their idea. Kelsey is the first to take the stage, playing a familiar piece (Liszt, I think) incongruously well on the Saloon's out-of-tune piano. "I honestly thought Chopin had come back from the dead," Guylan interviews. Big hand for Kelsey, well deserved. up is Campbell, who prefaces his performance by saying that his brother taught him how to do this. "This" turns out to be a very high-pitched whistle, way back in his throat. Thank you for deafening everyone after Kelsey's performance, Campbell. Eric sings a song about New Jersey, accompanying himself on the piano. I don't recognize the song from the short snippet, but they probably wouldn't have wanted to pay for the broadcast rights for the performance if it were Springsteen or something. Markelle introduces Jared, who's wearing a brown period vest over his tie-dyed t-shirt for his monologue. He goes into his bit, and it isn't so much a dramatic performance as a feat of memorization, and it's barely that. Not that anyone would have noticed if he'd dropped a couplet or two. But he gets through it. "You know what? I wasn't the worst," he interviews after the fact. It wasn't nice of the editors to switch it around on him, though, so it looked like he started at the end.
Now it's Greg and Blaine's turn. It seems to be all about the two boys wearing dresses, which, if you're a certain age, is hilarious. Greg goes first, and his big moment is appearing in a Ma Ingalls checkered gingham number. The kids love it, naturally. There's at least one costume change, because later Blaine's in a sassy black dress and feathered boa for the R&J balcony scene, while Greg stands below in a cowboy outfit, calling up, "I don't even know why I love you!" "Because I'm sexy!" Blaine says. The kids laugh like they just got mooned. Markelle remarks, "I wouldn't say it was hilarious but it was sort of weird." Not your job, Markelle, but I'm not going to disagree. Greg and Blaine jokingly intimidate Markelle. Then Jasmine sings something. It's pretty.
It's Olivia's turn. She takes way too long to get started, and is only about three words into her first "joke" when Laurel hollers, "Olivia! Speak up!" Yikes. Not a good beginning. Olivia recovers and says (more loudly), "Being a comedian is much harder than it looks. I mean, really, people look at me and laugh!" That actually gets a response, which she lets run all the way out before resuming. She makes fun of Anjay for smiling all the time, and says she could make jokes about Greg and Blaine. "But look at them! They are the jokes!" That's my new recapping philosophy, right there. Look at the show, that's the joke. Goodnight, everybody. Still, people seem to love Olivia's performance, and Sophia interviews that Olivia was really brave, and really funny. Sophia says it like she's falling asleep, though, so I don't know how sincere that is.
up is Kennedy, who starts out by donning a feathered mask and feathered boa and giggling at how hilarious she looks. She does about four lines of "rap," then rips off her outer jacket and goes into dance routine that even Sophia laughs at. Indeed, Kennedy does seem to be accomplishing what she set out to do. Lots of shots of Savannah enjoying the performance. I did appreciate all of the audience reaction shots during this bit, because it meant having to watch that much less Kennedy. After she's done, Markelle is just about ready to wrap things up when Savannah raises her hand. "I don't have a talent, I just have an announcement," she says, standing up and going to the stage. Everyone looks really nervous, and Savannah stretches out the moment for as long as she can before announcing that she's decided to stay. Biggest cheer of the whole talent show. Wow, that was so much easier than practicing and performing something!
I don't even know what day it is now, but Kennedy and Savannah are both in different clothes as the former, holding a violin and bow, thanks Savannah for staying. They agree that it's good to have somebody there from their home state. Because if all the kids from Georgia get together, it's going to be overwhelming.
So now it's time for the Council to take Gold Star nominations, because nobody in town has anything better to do than stand in line all day to make their supplications. Burnt-face Divad is first, and she once again nominates herself. The Council doesn't even pretend not to mock her any more, and Guylan interviews that Divad needs to do more than cook potatoes to be a Gold Star contender. is Michael, who nominates Olivia for her standup routine. Mallory also nominates Olivia, saying she brings a lot of fun to the town. And also she doesn't want to have to share her $20,000 with her when they get home. Olivia nominates Kennedy. So does Sophia, and Savannah. Kennedy herself nominates Sophia to win again. There's not a rule against that, is there? I only ask because if there's only one vote for Sophia, history indicates that she's going to win. But no, the Council members seem to be torn between Olivia for her standup routine, and Kennedy for getting Savannah to stay. I wait for Anjay to come out against Olivia, but if he does, we don't see it. Note to self: Anjay is not Mike.
Town Hall meeting. Jonathan comments on how happy everyone looks this time, and asks if there were any talents that weren't in the talent show. DK raises his hand and says that Laurel sings. Laurel admits it, and the kids chant her name until she agrees to do a solo. She sings "Amazing Grace," which is appropriate for the occasion: simple, familiar, hopeful, and, best of all, public domain. Lovely vibrato, not too showy. And here's an interview with Mike, who interviews that Laurel is a really great person, as we see him gazing up at Laurel from the audience with naked admiration. And, I'm sure he wishes, naked something else. I'm so, so sorry. Jonathan is blown away by Laurel's performance, and tells her so. Mike, looks like you have some competition!
The bit where Jonathan asks who wants to go home has no takers, as usual. So now it's Gold Star time. The camera picks out Olivia and Kennedy, the latter of whom looks bored because this never has anything to do with her. The Council confers. Once again, Zach gets to announce the winner, saying it's a tough decision. He says the winner has a great personality, and is funny, and is...Kennedy. She gets a loud cheer, but a short one, and when she gets up to the front of the room, Morgan and Sophia are looking up nervously at her from the front row, like, "Please don't act like a goofball again." Fortunately, she doesn't, giving a speech thanking everyone for "recognizing that you don't have to be one of the cool kids or the popular kids." We didn't cover that last week with Nathan? Jonathan gives her the phone key and sends her off to call her parents. In an interview, Kennedy holds up her Star and tells us, "This is my precious jewel of hard work and weirdness. I love it." Meeting over!
We join Kennedy in the phone barn, calling her mom and telling her about the Gold Star for people who "work really hard and have a great personality," which she won and which is worth $20,000. Cut to Kennedy's mom, who's all dressed and coiffed and made-up for the cameras in her home. Yes, as a matter of fact she does hang around the house like that, and how dare you suggest she's messing with her pearl necklace just because she only put it on ten seconds ago? But I do admit that she's quite convincing in her emotional reaction to the news of the Gold Star. "You're the strongest person I know," Kennedy's mom says weepily, and then Kennedy's crying too. Not me, though. I'm getting a nice, hard callus there. See? Feel that.
Time for Kennedy's victory lap. She celebrates with winners like DK, Morgan, Sophia, and Michael. Meanwhile, Divad stands in the middle of the far end of the street, staring daggers at all of them and interviewing that she's upset with the Council's decisions on the Gold Star. Kennedy tells her fellow winners that she thinks she won for her weirdness, and Divad tells us, "I’m sorry, I just think that the Gold Star should be awarded to someone who works hard. Oh, well, I can't judge people." She can, however, glare at them, as we see some more. And then she can go home when it's over, and her mom can file papers against the show, and then the show can tell us all how awful Divad is. The justice system at work.
Under this week's closing credits, Eric leads a sing-along around the piano in the Saloon. It's another song I don't recognize. I wonder if he's writing them himself. And if CBS is paying him for the broadcast rights.