So have you heard there's a recession? Actually, strike that, it's a depression, at least if you ask Kelly Cutrone. On this week's Very Special Episode of Kell on Earth, we learn that the downturn in the economy has wreaked havoc on the fashion industry too, and Kelly's scraping by to keep afloat. The new mantra is "decrease overhead, increase revenue" (the old mantra was "change yourself, change the world" -- uh, oops). To start, she gets on the People's Revolution team to hound their outstanding accounts, going to small-claims court if necessary. In addition, she's planning a trip to the People's Rev annex in Los Angeles to drum up some West Coast business. Because "California is a goldmine for lifestyle branding." Ah, so THAT'S what it's a goldmine for!
What else Kelly's doing is cracking down on freebies and favors and generally any use of her time or People's Rev resources that doesn't bring in money. Case in point: the phone call she gets from "Ava's friend's uncle" (which: shady!) looking for some free advice of some sort. Kelly passes the call to Andrew -- so the guy can make an appointment like an adult -- and Sharpies onto a sheet of paper "Fuck You, Pay For Advice." She interviews that her time and expertise are valuable, and they are. Girl, you need to get to hiring yourself out as a consultant, pronto. Also not getting any of that sweet, free People's Rev treatment is needy Vanity Fair editor George Wayne, an old friend of Kelly's looking for some pro bono event planning. After annoying the PR employees with his flaky and presumptuous demands, Kelly tells Emily to shut it down.
In L.A., Kelly meets with a couple of prospective clients. There's "My Studio," a customizable studio space for hi-def audio and video presentations, small enough to serve as your basic mall kiosk. Think a photo booth that lets you record a demo reel for Rock of Love Cruise (make it happen, VH1). Anyway, Kelly thinks the idea has potential. She's also into "Freak City," an event space owned by Delicious Vinyl honcho Rick Ross. Rick's an old friend of Kelly's from back when she had a record deal (!) and toured with N'Dea Davenport, of Brand New Heavies. Kelly Cutrone is the best name-dropper, you guys. It's never anyone typical. Anyway, after a visit, and an ill-advised bout of freestyle rapping in her rented SUV, Kelly decides to take on Rick as a client too.
The last thing Kelly does in L.A. (that we see -- I hope she took Lauren Conrad out for lunch and gave her a year's worth of pitiless but on-target life advice) is to grant an interview to one of the People's Rev L.A. interns (for school, it seems) about the state of the fashion industry. To paraphrase Kelly's assessment: not fuckin' good. It's an all-time worst time for the fashion industry, and she doesn't expect it to ever get back to where it was. "People's value systems have changed," she says. "They do not want to buy a pair of pants for $2,000." Food for thought, fashion industry.
Meanwhile, Robyn is interviewing to fill the a position that will replace Tandrew and Vorhees. Do the two of them even add up to one full-time worker? I kid! I kid, Tandrew was pretty good. Apparently Kelly is no longer allowed to interview candidates because, according to the woman herself, "in one job interview, I meditated." But she sticks her head into Robyn's interview with a girl names Mallory, on the pretext of inquiring about a bucket of headbands. Guys, I know People's Rev seems like an intimidating place to work and all, but I can't help but have part of me wish I worked at a place that had a bucket of headbands. Anyway, Mallory seems pretty perfect for the job, and Kelly sells her on the virtues of People's Rev. She also asks is Mallory's named after the Justine Bateman character from Family Ties (don't laugh, I have a cousin Mallory who was named for that very reason), which gives Kelly the chance to mention that Justine is her best friend. (See? Best name-dropper ever.)
Later, Kelly and Robyn figure Mallory's the girl for the job, though they wonder about her $70K asking price. But that's not the big problem. The big problem comes however many days later when the office gets a load of a Page Six headline: Mallory's been arrested for stealing $97,000 worth of jewelry from her last job. So... she's not getting the job, then. Kelly laughs about how Mal was "in the clink" when they were trying to offer her a job. In fact, everybody gets a good laugh out of it, except for Skinner, who's like "So there's still no one to help out, then?"
Because, yes, Skinner's still working herself into an early grave. We see her at home -- or the tiny sliver of a $1,500 a month living space she calls home -- and we also see that she's got a boyfriend, a skinny skater-looking boy named Alano who she's been dating for a year. As with everyone in Skinner's life, no doubt, Alano wishes Skinner would stop working all the time. Particularly on those rare occasions when she can tear herself away from the office. Like, for example, the one night in history that Skinner leaves work at a decent hour, meeting Alano for drinks. But she's on her Blackberry the whole time and spots Emily walking by and calls her over to talk shop. Alano is not unjustifiably annoyed.
Lucky for all of us, but especially Skinner, Andrew is around to brighten our day. In the DVR-buster, they take a trip to Dunkin Donuts where Andrew makes jokes about stacking donuts on dicks... you know, as you do. Later, he fashions her a spiked "crown" (basically a spiked collar worn as a headband) that mimics something they saw at a Givenchy show. "I'm like his little mannequin sometimes," says Skinner with a not inconsiderable grin on her face. Meanwhile, Andrew continues to push Skinner to go the eff home already, as everyone continues to expect she's going to burn herself out. But in the meantime, Andrew and Skinner crown themselves the Prince and Princess of Darkness (Kelly's the queen, of course) and pretty much continue to be the best non-romantic couple on reality TV. "I would totally date Skinner," Andrew interviews. "I'm just into dudes right now." Come to think of it, they're better than all the romantic couples on reality TV too.
1 2 3
So Grace arrives for her first day, and on the basis of being competent and flesh-colored, she's already one up on Vorhees and Tandrew. Everyone's happy to have her. The task of the day is clearing out the second-floor space, as Kelly's going to be renting it out. So racks and racks of clothes have to be inventoried, then moved. But when Emily steps out for a bite, Grace asks Skinner if she needs her to do anything, and Skinner...well, there's some debate over whether she tells Grace she can go home or just says there's nothing she needs for her to do, and what the difference between the two actually is. Emily's pissed at Grace for leaving "early" (i.e. not as insanely late as everyone else), while Kelly (who is offsite but gets word) is more angry at Skinner for continuing to take on all the work and failing to delegate. Moreover, there's the issue that Grace technically outranks Skinner, so Skinner isn't really in a position to dismiss her. Emily stands up for Skinner, which is notable, but I think I'm with Kelly here. Skinner can't play the "I didn't send her home" card when she refuses to hand off any bit of the work. It's starting to seem like Skinner defines herself by being overworked, and despite how insane that makes her, she's not willing to let go of being the overburdened one. Kelly finally comes back to the office and lays down the law: Nobody leaves until everybody can leave, and Skinner needs to spread the work around.
So that's taken care of, but one casualty of Skinner's workaholism is, unsurprisingly, her relationship with Alano. He breaks up with her, which makes Skinner sad, but I think she thinks it was inevitable. Again, she's not willing to let go of being a workaholic, so on some level she was expecting this. Kelly makes the argument that Skinner should fight for her relationship, both because she wants Skinner to be happy and also because, I think, she doesn't want People's Rev to be responsible for killing the relationship. Ultimately, re: Skinner, Kelly realizes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." Believe it or not, she meant that as endearing.
Meanwhile, Andrew helps Skinner out by introducing her to Cinnabon-flavored ice cream. Andrew, as always, wins.
Joe R can attest to the power of Cinnabon ice cream. He hopes Andrew was kidding about that "right now" stuff. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
1 2 3