Episode Report Card Joe R: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Saboteur
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 02.15.2010
Previously, a guest list clusterfuck led to Kelly getting fired by Chado Ralph Rucci, which meant everybody was already on edge for the next show, whereupon Stephanie Vorhees let her general incompetence pretty much spill out all over everything. Also, Kelly adopted a cute Irish intern, and Stefanie Skinner got her roots done FINALLY.
Is it Fashion Week anymore? I think it's still Fashion Week. As Kelly tells us: "No rest for the wicked!" I find that phrase charmingly old-fashioned. Like when your mom told you to do something "with gusto." Anyway, this enduring busy season is currently manifesting itself in Robyn giving Orange Andrew shit for something and everyone scrambling for upcoming shows for Agent Provocateur (shiny lingerie, from what I gather, though Kelly calls it "hip" and "saucy") and Nicolas Petrou shows.
Kelly and Robyn hold model casting for the Agent Provocateur (hereafter known as "AP" because life is short and there are Olympic snowboard races to be watched), and Kelly makes sure there's no one there who has a problem with nipples, boobies, bras, or [their] ass." Robyn explains that AP wanted this show on the cheap, which presents a challenge for People's Rev. Kelly tells us that finding underwear models is a smidge challenging because most models are so bone-skinny -- or, I'll quote Kelly, "Auschwitz skinny" -- that they look gross in lingerie. Kelly also tells a particularly severe Russian model she should be flirtier, "more American, less Russian." Kelly Cutrone: getting seriously political in Episode 3!
They only find three good models (they need eight), and it seems one problem is that the agent from AP, Julia, told the modeling agencies the show was a "presentation" -- which connotes models standing around for hours in underwear, not unlike last week's denim/Swarovski show -- which makes it harder to book the really awesome models. Because, yes, women who get paid lots of money to walk in a straight line totally balk when you want to pay them to stand around for a couple of hours. Oh, models, no wonder we treat you with contempt on our reality shows.
Kelly's got Emily running point on the Nicolas Petrou show. Petrou is an up-and-coming menswear designer, and once Kelly starts in on how "avant-garde" he is, you know what we're in for. (Incidentally, in trumpeting her love for the oddball, Kelly says this: "I'm not pretty-pretty, like, I don't want to see a lot of flowered dresses, that's not my shteeze." Shteeze. God, love her.) Anyway, Petrou's collection is almost exclusively "jumpsuits" for men, with crazy zigzag patterns and some in vibrant colors. It looks to me like nothing so much as Zubaz footy pajamas. Which, granted, would have been my jam in 5th grade. So Kelly tries to get him to understand that he's going to get a lot of "brilliant!" responses and a lot of "WTF?" as well, so he should try to put his most "wearable" looks front and center. Petrou may or may not be taking this all in, it's hard to tell.
Back at the offices, it's time to get the Petrou invitations sent out, and if you think this is just the job for Stephanie Vorhees to screw up, Andy Cohen would like to interview you for Watch What Happens Live. No, I'm just kidding, NeNe has that couch on lockdown. Anyway, Emily tells her they need to get the invites to the 120 most important press people out first. So Vorhees goes back to the interns' lair and finds that there have been triple- and quadruple-copies made of these invitations, and it's all very disorganized and yada yada. It's kind of hilarious watching the usually catatonic Vorhees now flail and holler about this "disorganization" since it seems the lack of organization is her fault. Also, how hard is it to weed out duplicates? Anyway, Orange Andrew comes down to help bail her out and makes a plan to get everything out by the next morning. "Fine," says Vorhees, "you talk to Emily." Andrew is immediately like, "Um, no, Crazy, this is on you." Vorhees interviews that her many attempts to talk to Emily about this (we see none) have been stymied, and she thinks everyone likes her by Emily. HA! Right on cue, we get Stefanie Skinner eye-rolling like a champ over how Vorhees can fuck up the most basic of tasks. Finally, Kelly gets wind of the situation and wants to know what's going on. After Vorhees tells her, Kelly takes over the job herself. She interviews that, as the person who pays these people to do a job, she would like some of that money returned if the job doesn't get done. Shake her down, Kell!
After the break, we're back to planning the AP show. Wherever they were going to hold the show has just canceled on them, at the last minute, via email. Kelly is pissed and delivers some hilarious sound bites about how this all happened at the "flip of a bitch" (I'm using that one) and wanting to send a six-foot-five hitman over to teach them a lesson.
Our weekly outing with Kelly and Ava is usually a snooze, yes, but this week it's kind of funny, as Kelly and Ava pass by this woman walking her dog and note the dog looks like their old Afenpincher named Coco. Turns out, this dog IS Coco, having been given by Kelly to Ava's old nanny in Staten Island, who subsequently got pregnant and gave it up for adoption to this woman and her partner who live four blocks away from Kelly in Tribeca. "Whack...adoo," says Kelly.
Back at the office, Vorhees just sent out a press release that had Nicolas Petrou's first name spelled with an "h." Like, of course she did.
At model-scouting for the Petrou show, we see all the boys will be wearing head-to-toe body stockings that cover their faces and everything. On the bright side, it seems they'll also be wearing regular-people clothes on top of that. As Kelly helps one poor lad undo his panty-hose mask (so he can get an eyelash out of his eye), she explains to us the myth of the straight male model and how it's actually not a myth at all; most male models really are straight, usually just hot-looking surfer/skater boys who get offered thousands of dollars to be lazy and look pretty in a professional context. And what happens after that is between them and their pay-access "photography" website. Kelly laments being around all these hot boys and essentially filling the "mommy" role. And not even in the creepy sexual way.
It looks like the Petrou show is also a "presentation" rather than an actual runway show, because here's Kelly positioning our faceless models in a darkened room with black walls. Here's where that focus on getting press invites out comes into play, because this is pretty much 100% for press only. Kelly escorts Nicolas around to talk to them, and while he's super testy with her, he seems fine talking to the press. Kelly notes that while some of the press people thought the collection was ridiculous (GQ, you can some sit by me), at least the Japanese press liked it. That seems about right.
After the show, Emily chats with Nicolas, and he proceeds to get super dismissive of the fashion press, particularly one menswear editor from Women's Wear Daily. He recounts their interaction, all "Bitch, I have a fashion degree and a storefront on Madison Avenue" and blah blah. Emily gets majorly turned off, to the point where she doesn't think People's Rev should work with the guy. But who will publicize all those body stockings?? But the next morning is when it really hits the fan, as Emily is on the phone with Nicolas, who is trying to weasel out of paying People's Rev because he didn't like the press he got. Emily gets as sassy as you please on the phone with him, followed by Kelly, who wastes no time in telling him she's going to take him to small claims court for the money. Afterwards, Kelly proclaims him dead in the fashion industry, then takes the issue to the people! Via Facebook, natch.
The day before the AP show, Robyn has hopefully secured the Soho Grand as a replacement venue. Cost is still an issue, but Robyn thinks it'll work.
Back at the offices, last-minute details are being ironed out. Kelly grabs Jess, the AP marketing representative, to go create the seating chart. Jess seems to want a lot of accessories on this show that Kelly isn't going to be able to afford.
Oh! So this must be the episode dedicated to making us like Emily. I was wondering why I was suddenly so on her side during the Petrou spat. We follow Emily as she leaves work, and since she's so busy all day, her walk home from the subway (in Queens? I think?) is the only time she gets to talk to her sister. So she vents about Vorhees to her sister, while voicing-over how stressful and all-consuming the job is. To tell you the truth, bitching out Petrou got me more on her side than that soft-focus stuff did. No matter how outer-boroughs her existence is.
The DVR-buster segment is about being annoyed by gum-smackers. ...Okay?