Props to Joe for doing a great job with this season, even if he never got that e-mail (yet!). Kathy, you should totally e-mail him. I can vouch for Joe. He's good people.
Standup opening. Kathy jokes that Oprah now gets to pick the U.S. President, and Kathy's fine with it, because it can't be worse than the last two elections. Word, Kathy.
Company meeting! Kathy meets with Team Griffin and one of the dogs. Have I mentioned yet that one of my dogs looks just like one of Kathy's dogs? I'm not sure if it's Pom Pom or Chance, though. Kathy informs her team that they are going to Walter Reed Medical Center to visit the soldiers who are in rehab after being in Iraq and Afghanistan. Jessica is worried that she'll cry, because they may see some pretty rough stuff. Kathy encourages them to cry if they feel like crying, and just be natural. Kathy is nervous about the show, even though she's performed for the troops overseas, because the people in the audience won't be quite so riled-up and rowdy. That is a tough crowd.
Kathy has the idea to bring her Emmy and let people have their photo taken with it. Team Griffin looks like they don't want to tell her that's not a great idea. Yeah, Kathy doesn't seem to get that, to the non-TV obsessed world, an Emmy is not that big of a deal. An Oscar? Sure. But an Emmy? Not so much. Kathy grabs her Emmy and Jessica and Tiffany are worried that she won't be able to take her Emmy through the airport because it looks like an Emmy. Kathy is sure that someone will want their picture taken and Jessica says that she and Tiffany will do it if no one else will. That's why she's a good assistant. Kathy adds: "I know that this isn't technically appropriate or even legal for me to say, but I need you girls to look sexy." Jessica and Tiffany: "[Giggles.]" Kathy: "...ER! I mean -er." Kathy talking heads: "There are some guys in there that don't have legs that might want to see some tits. Yeah, I'm a patriot. Let's see if they are." Jessica protests that she doesn't have cleavage, and Kathy counsels her to draw some in with blush, use chicken cutlets, and buy a new bra for her country. Seriously, Jessica. You're in Hollywood! Make boobs happen!
Kathy has a phone call with her contact at Walter Reed, who is the same guy that helped her out in Iraq. Kathy is concerned because Jon Stewart was just there, and she doesn't think she'll measure up. She decides to say that Jon Stewart is an insurgent, since she's never been on The Daily Show anyway. Yeah, what's up with that, Jon? Kathy tries to get a sense of what she can and can't say, but has a hard time getting straight answers, other than that there is certain language that isn't allowed. Kathy tells us that she'll break the rules if that's what it takes to make the people laugh.
So now Kathy goes to see Maggie for a "drunken pep talk." Kathy confesses to her mom that she's concerned that the young people won't get her or know her, and that she won't measure up to Jon Stewart. Maggie advises Kathy to use her womanly wiles, and if things get boring, start jumping around and waving pom-poms. Oh, Maggie. Always living in a musical from the '50s. Maggie thinks Kathy should ask them to cheer for "the good old U.S.A." Kathy accuses her mom of making fun of her.
Kathy needs more advice, so she calls her mentor Joan Rivers, who has performed for the troops many times. Joan advises her to get the gays in there, like male nurses. Joan also advises Kathy to talk about the hairy Iraq women, but not to make fun of the President. Kathy understands what Joan is saying, but also thinks she'll see how it feels when she gets there.
Kathy arrives at Walter Reed and wants to meet up with the soldiers and get to know them. Kathy's old Iraq buddy, Lt. Col. Todd, meets up with her first, and Kathy demonstrates how the girls are going to show off their boobs. Army Guy Todd tells them that it may get emotional but they need to keep their shit together. Kathy knows that her job is to put on a brave face and then make them laugh at the end of the day.
Their first stop is Fisher House, where families of the recovering soldiers stay. Someone outside jokes that they thought Ty Pennington was coming. Jokers! These people are jokers. One of the wives (who looks like she's in her early 20s at the most) has a husband who's an amputee. She takes Kathy over to see her accomodations. Kathy talking heads that she can't believe what Susan is going through at such a young age; at that age, Kathy was "temping and trying to get on Fresh Prince of Bel Air." Susan shows off some photos of her husband. Kathy spots a Post-It on the bathroom mirror, which is a note that Susan leaves for her husband every morning. Kathy wants to write a note too, and does; it says, "You can suck it. Kathy Griffin." They discuss how Susan's husband wants to go back into combat, even though he has a prosthetic leg. Kathy is once again blown away how strong Susan and the other women are.
Kathy goes back to Fisher House and meets Will and his wife, Ivy. Will is an amputee as well. Kathy tries to get him to show some emotion, because he has a really flat affect. Kathy is again blown away by his wife, who is under 20 years old. Kathy gets them to promise to come to her show.
Kathy has an interview with the Department of Defense magazine, and claims that for once, she doesn't care about the press, since that's not why she's there.
Lt. Col. Todd takes Team Griffin to see the state-of-the-art rehab facility for a tour. Nearly all of the patients inside the gym are amputees, many of them double amputees. The guy giving the tour shows off some of the high-tech stuff. Kathy talks to one guy who was on his first tour of Iraq, and only there for a month when he got injured in an incident that killed two others. The guy is totally cheerful and psyched about his new high-tech legs. Kathy jokes with him that he needs to walk to her show, and she doesn't want to hear about him getting carried over by pretty nurses.
Kathy spots Jase, Susan's husband. She confesses that she left a Post-It on his mirror, and that it was meant to be funny. She convinces him to come to her show, then goes and introduces herself to a dude who's working out. She tries to use the military lingo and he just laughs at her. Kathy interviews that everyone she talks there needs to stay for months and years. Kathy then meets and talks to a guy who was in the military for twenty-four years, and confesses that he was having a bad day yesterday but he's better today. He's been having phantom pain, which makes it difficult to sleep. Kathy is once again overwhelmed by the strength of the people there. In an interview, Kathy chokes up a little bit as she says that it's a privilege to meet these people and learn about their coping mechanisms, and she's going to have her private crying time but never let them see her upset. She's there to make them laugh.
Kathy continues to accost the people she sees in the hallways, with a special focus on the wives and girlfriends, because she knows that they have a tough row to hoe as well. Now she's just walking around outside and asking soldiers sitting at bus stops to come to the show. Then Kathy decides to go and try to figure out what makes these guys laugh. She meets up with Nick, who just got his fifth concussion, and has a tattoo that says "Fuck Me I'm Irish." Kathy bonds over being Irish, and afterwards, Kathy breathes a sigh of relief that he was able to joke about his injuries. She meets another guy who put decals on his plastic leg, which Kathy takes as a good sign that he has a dark sense of humor. One guy talks about tattoos, and Kathy makes Jessica show off her partial sleeve. This leads to everyone showing off their tattoos. Kathy is psyched to hear that these guys have kind of a sick sense of humor, especially when one of the guys reminds her that he hopes to watch the video of his foot getting blown off. Kathy concludes the visit by letting Nick give her a wheelchair ride. Kathy confesses that they are now boyfriend and girlfriend.
Outside, Kathy learns that Nick already has a girlfriend, and also that there's a guy on base who likes to drink beer out of his fake leg. Kathy hopes to bring him up on stage. , they go to meet the therapy dog, who is an adorable Golden Retriever. Kathy meets one patient who claims that the dog came and picked him up one time when he was drunk. The same guy also makes jokes about his missing arm. Kathy hopes that there will be some gays at her show, and the guy assures her that there will be a couple.
Kathy puts together her set list with Team Griffin's help. She realizes that they don't know who her mother is, or who Woz is. Kathy has big plans for Nick, the concussion guy, but then she finds out that he may not be attending the gig. Kathy: "When Col. Todd told me that Nick, my number one fan/Irishman wasn't in the audience, I felt screwed. But here's what I have: tits. Two of 'em. Count 'em. Real. Old school. I can wear a low-cut shirt and I can force my staff to do it." Kathy makes the girls strip down and is upset that Tiffany didn't wear a tank top under her shirt. Lt. Col. Todd reminds her that there are a few children, despite that he warned them that it wouldn't be appropriate, and there are also four chaplains. Kathy is sure that her Emmy thing will work even if the jokes don't. I've got a bad feeling about this.
Kathy gets a standing ovation when she goes out on stage, but no one laughs at the tit jokes or the Britney Spears jokes. Oh, Mrs. Kathy, she is bombing.
So Kathy's up there tap-dancing like a fool. I'm not a stand-up comic, but I am a teacher, and I know the feeling of standing in front of a group of people and knowing that they are not listening or caring or enjoying what you say. Luckily, at that moment, Nick rolls in, so Kathy has him show off his tattoo, and everyone laughs. Kathy decides to just ditch her celebrity material and go with military stuff. She makes fun of the guy who drinks beer out of his leg and then rips on the rules that the military gave her about the show. Kathy interviews that she understands why the crowd was a little less energetic than a typical crowd, but she made them laugh a little. Emphasis on "a little." Then Kathy lets people get their pictures taken with her Emmy, and the line is really long. She credits the Emmy, but I think people just like to get their picture taken with a celebrity, so Kathy is the draw here. If they wanted the Emmy, they would take the picture minus Kathy.
Various soldiers are interviewed talking about how much having Kathy there lifts morale. Jase and his little girl Kylee come over and get their picture taken. One of the chaplains comes over and tells Kathy that she needs to do five push-ups for each bad word that she said. Kathy jokes that she knows she's going to Hell, and she'll miss him when he's in Heaven. Nick rolls up and jokes that he's going to sign autographs and then calls Kathy skinny. Kathy interviews that when she goes home, instead of thinking about the show and the jokes, she'll be thinking about all the people that she met and their touching stories.
Back in L.A., Kathy goes over to her buddy Michael McDonald's house, because they went to Iraq together. Kathy gives him a big hug and then tells him about her experiences at Walter Reed. She says that one-on-one, the guys were willing to joke around, but then she found out that there were four chaplains and children in the audience. And there were also walkouts. Michael wonders why Kathy can't adjust her set to her audience, and Kathy claims that she's an artist, like Rodin, and no one would have told Rodin to turn "The Thinker" into "The Talker." Kathy wants to hug again when they leave, and Michael is all weirded out and tells Kathy that she hugs like a robot, so she punches him in the balls and leaves.
Kathy concludes that all of her experiences have made her realize how lucky she is. She has her mom, her assistants, and the fun she had with Woz. She looks forward to year, which might include new countries, new awards, and possibly even a new romance. Kathy wants us to wait and see. I will, Kathy! I totally will.
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