Molly chases her through the house, trying to talk sense into her distraught spawn, pointing out that she never gives anything a chance, including high school and her job at the car wash. Kim makes a beeline for the kitchen, where she announces that she needs cookies. Molly spins her around and gets real: "What did you think marriage was gonna be? Flying off in your private jet to have cocktails with the Prince of Del Monaco?" Kim counters, "Well I didn't sign up for cooking dinner or being interested in how anyone's day was. I'm a TROPHY wife, like Melania Trump and Mrs. Larry King Live!" They both pause to exchange gossip about the status of Larry King's marriage and the general state of Hollywood marriages.
And the credits! They're in a mall! Riding the escalator, all done up in Deb's spangliest!
up, we see Molly in the kitchen stirring something furiously whiles she watches Kim splayed out in the living room watching a video tape of her wedding, which resembles Bridezillas, and stuffing her face with potato chips. She shakes her head sadly, and voice-overs "I gave my whole life to Kim. This is supposed to be Kath time." Kim tears her eyes away from the screen to ask if they can go to Applebee's for dinner. Kath meanders over to the living room looking guilty and sputters out, "I have a boyfriend." Kim gets up, shocked, and tells her mom that that must be why she bought all those new sweaters. "Guilty!" says Kath cheerily. "That purple one with the panther is perfect. That is perfection," Kim blathers, getting sidetracked again by the minutiae. "I know, it's like they threw a panther in the air and caught it in embroidery," Kath gushes. Remembering that she's supposed to be pissed, Kim asks her mom who the loser is. She tells her his name is Phil Knight, and he's a knight in shining armor, comparing him to Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. "He's black?" Kim asks, confused and appalled. "No, he's Irish and Well-ish."
Kim skulks off, offended that her mom hadn't told her til now. Kath explains that she didn't want to tell her because she knows how protective she can be. Kim's like, well someone has to watch out for you, considering you're a loser magnet, and she makes the "L" on her forward a la Clueless. Kath protests, but Kim shuts her up with "Remember the guy who lived in the ice cream truck? Or the fat guy you gave all our money to? Or what about the guy who closed his eyes when he talked?" Kath agrees that that guy was creepy but says that Phil's different, and Kim better get on the train because she's pretty sure he's gonna propose to her at dinner tonight.
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- 9