Bow chicka wow wow. Somehow I guess I've managed to tape the Spice Channel rather than the season finale of Judging Amy, because instead of the cozy confines of the Ranch, we fade up on the swingingest bachelor pad this side of Skinemax: floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking skyscrapers artfully illuminated against the night sky, fire blazing in the fireplace, super-modern furniture, including a bed lit from within. Some shirtless stud basks in the glow of both his own virility, and of the fire. This naughty, shameless cheesecake babe in red satin gathers her clothing from the floor. Sorry, folks. It looks like I'm recapping American Booty tonight. Except, oh my God, the hussy in the red is Maxine. And the shirtless stud is Richard "I'm Evil. You Just Don't Know Why, Yet" Crenna. She's trying to sneak out without waking him up. It's nice to see that the Walk of Shame knows no age limit. Richard Crenna catches her placing a little note on his bedside table and wonders why she's leaving. Maxine explains that it's 2:37 AM, and she has to work the morning, and she's got children at home. Yes, who knows what kind of mischief Amy will get into, unsupervised? Richard Crenna wonders when he ought to introduce Maxine's children to his own. Maxine demurs, telling him that bringing their families into it makes their tryst seem..."dirty?" Richard Crenna asks. Maxine giggles and says that while she doesn't mind "dirty," "real scares [her]." I am scared also. By Richard Crenna's saggy man-breasts. He takes this opportunity to mention that his son, Charles, is coming into town, and he'd like the three of them to meet for lunch. Maxine agrees, sort of half-heartedly. The lovers gaze at each other, the fire blazes in the background, the violin of Senior Citizen Love swells and Richard wonders, "What's the matter with 'real'?" Then he plants one on her. Maxine takes her hair down. The lip smacking increases to a WB-like level of sound. They disappear out of the frame, leaving only the fire to burn in a CBS-style "hot sex" metaphor.
Credits. I feel a little sick. I'm all for the depiction of older people as having healthy, fulfilling sex lives, but I need a little warning, people. I could have used to some time to prepare.
Amy and Bruce stride purposefully through the Halls of Justice, gossiping about Maxine's love life. Bruce, whose hands are full with a bunch of papers, stacked on a box of what I presume are legal briefs, is impressed that Maxine has landed herself such a high-powered boy toy. Amy, on the other hand, is worried that Richard Crenna is a creep of some sort, and tells Bruce that having money doesn't necessarily preclude Richard Crenna from being big, stupid jerk. Bruce totally ignores her, musing to himself about his portfolio, and how well Richard Crenna's company's stock has done since it went public. Amy has a fit right there in the hallway about the fact that her mother is having sex. Bruce just grins -- gloriously -- and reminds her that people over the age of sixty are still allowed to have sex. He wonders why the fact that Maxine finally got a little action bothers Amy so much. They're standing in front of the door to Amy's chambers. Bruce, still holding everything, waits for Amy to open the door for him. This is important. Amy rummages through her purse and confesses that it bothers her that her mother is having sex, while she herself is not. Because, of course, it is all about her. She's the sun in Gray family solar system, and everyone else must merely revolve around her, as she shines upon them all in due time. Bruce gets fed up with Amy's rummaging and just tells her to get the key out of his pockets. As she digs around in his coat, he points out that Amy keeps kicking potiential partners to the curb, anyway. As she digs further into one of his pockets, Bruce chuckles and tells Amy that she certainly "could be having sex."
Of course, at this moment, the Jerky Court Reporter Ian (the guy who tried to run Donna down in the parking lot), turns the corner to catch the two of them in what definitely appears to be a very compromising position. Ian awkwardly greets them. Amy giggles. Bruce looks perturbed. Ian hands Amy some briefs she had requested, and shoots the two of them a self-righteous look of disgust, before high-tailing it out of there to tattle on them. Amy and Bruce cackle as he leaves. Their laughter, I predict, will be short-lived. I saw the previews. I know.
Donna lies, prone, on the sofa at the Rancherito. She's moaning. Vincent, perched on the edge of the couch, attempts to feed her chicken consommé. Have I mentioned that I love him? I don't know that I've mentioned that. Donna dribbles the soup onto her chin and Vincent dabs it off with a dishtowel. His hair is dirty, and yet, I love him. He entreats Donna to eat something. She moans and groans and asks him, should tragedy befall her, to take care of Oscar. It's hard to convey how very, very dramatic Donna is being about this. Have you seen Gone with the Wind? You know the part at the end, when Melanie is [spoiler about a sixty-one-year-old movie] dying, and she gasps that Scarlett ought to look after Ashley for her? Yeah, it's like that. Donna begs Vincent to "call [Oscar], email him, make sure he gets all [Donna's] worldly goods." She's even affected a southern accent. I am so not kidding about this. Vincent looks askance at this request, but humors her and agrees. Donna snaps that, if she dies, she just knows her sister will swoop in and make off with her Hummel collection. Hee hee. I laughed. Was that so wrong?
Halls of Justice. Custody case du jour involves a creepy-looking guy, his angelic ex-wife, and their two small children. Angelic wife wants to gain sole custody of the babes, because her ex-husband scatters prescription drugs around, almost let one of the children drown in the bathtub, and leaves loaded guns unlocked. Amy asks the father what he has to say for himself, but realizes, when she looks up from her papers, that she knows the guy. He's a childhood friend of Vincent's, who has since become -- let's not pull punches, people -- a bit of a loser. Also, creepy. Loser Friend asks after Vincent, but Amy is clearly wigged by this unexpected turn of events, and is less than loquacious in her reply. Bruce looks slightly disturbed, as do the lawyers. Amy calls a sidebar and explains that she'd be happy to recuse herself if they'd like, but she sees no reason to do so, since she hasn't seen Loser Friend in ten years, and is confident that she can remain impartial. Loser Friend's lawyer has no problem with Amy's remaining on the bench, and while Angelic Wife's counsel says that while she's going to have to take it up with her client, she also sees no reason not to continue. They agree to reconvene the day. Amy stares balefully at Loser Friend, who shoots her a smile, which I'm sure he thinks is friendly, but which is actually just really creepy.
Sadly, the stupid blipverts are back. This week, it's Vincent and Loser Friend frolicking in the woods and acting all friendly-like. Except Dan Futterman looks like he's rather undergo a root canal than pose for these dopey photos. Ah, Dan.
At DCF, Maxine tells a "Celeste" that everything seems to be in order for Celeste to regain custody of her children, seeing as she's been off heroin and booze for a good long while, and she's gotten a both a job, and a promotion. ["Celeste is played by Viola Davis, who also played Nurse Peeler on City of Angels." -- Wing Chun] Celeste tells Maxine that everything is good, she just needs to get her kids back. Maxine explains that because the children have been in foster care for three years, the transition is not going to be easy. Celeste reasons that her eldest won't have too many problems adjusting, because they talk on the phone all the time, but she confesses that she's a little worried about the baby. The writers give the most blatant shout-out in the world by naming Celeste's older child Jessica. Come on. You know that's a shout-out! I choose to believe it, anyway. My little imaginary world is such a pleasant place to live. You ought to visit. Vincent and Scott Speedman live there, with me. Maxine is very pleased by Celeste's progress, and tells her that it's cases like hers which keep Maxine from packing it in in disgust. She explains to Celeste that as soon as her supervisor signs off on the case, they can go to court and get Celeste's babies back for good...as long as Celeste passes a home inspection. In the midst of her little speech about the importance of presenting a clean apartment to DCF, some lackey tosses Maxine a huge bouquet of roses, from Richard "Creepy" Crenna. Celeste is impressed, and when Maxine confesses that she has "no idea" what she's doing, romantically speaking, smiles and tells her that she's "getting a second chance. Like [Celeste is]." Hmmm. Do you think there's any way that both of these second chances will pan out? Just an informal poll.
Maxine joins Richard Crenna and his son Charles for lunch at an extremely fancy restaurant. Don't these people ever go to Hamburger Hamlet? Just wondering. Anyway, Charles is in mergers and acquisitions. Charles makes some snide remarks about Harvard, because he went to Yale. Blah blah blah smalltalkcakes, Maxine and Charles hit it off. I'm really, really, deeply embarrassed to admit this, but as much as I like to make fun of Maxine for always being right, and chewing up the scenery, I realized while watching this scene for the second time that I really actually like her. I'm sure I'll get over it. I liked Dawson Leery once, too. And then he spoke.
Halls of Justice, Amy gives the Angelic Wife full custody of her children. She says she's "particularly concerned about the guns," at which point Loser Friend's counsel stands up and pulls out the old Second-Amendment argument, which Amy shuts down by asking him to "spare [her] the Charlton Heston routine." Snerk. Angelic Wife claims that Loser Friend is a "gun nut." It comes out that Loser Friend is leaving loaded guns laying around, totally unlocked, and loaded, where the children could easily get to them. (And as a sidebar; I know there was some discussion in the forums regarding the anti-gun stance this show occasionally takes. I'd like to point out two things: First, that even the NRA would agree that it's a very bad idea to leave a loaded gun, unlocked, in a home with a six-year-old and a four-year-old. No matter how you feel about gun control, any sane person can see that that situation is a recipe for tragedy. Second, I think it stands to reason that Amy would be sensitive to the danger that guns pose, considering the fact that her brother was shot and nearly killed by some crazy guy in the parking lot of the supermarket. Points to ponder. Anyway, back to the business at hand). Loser Friend starts snarking about what a beeyotch his wife is for leaving him. He pulls out the Please Don't Take My Baby Away from me speech, and throws in a little "Amy, you know me!" Amy looks a slightly freaked out by the fact that Loser Friend is making this entire thing personal, and tells him that he's not losing his children, he's "being given a chance to prove [he] can take care of them." Loser Friend doesn't understand her reasoning. He does a lot of yelling. Oh, he's a model parent.
Donna follows Amy out of the courtroom, apologizing for being absent the days . She tells Amy that she feels like she "got hit by a train," and that she "can't stop throwing up." Amy asks if she's pregnant, because that's how she felt when she was expecting Lauren. Donna says that "it's not possible. For [her]." Amy interprets this as meaning that Donna is infertile, and apologizes, with rare (for her) actual sorrow. Donna looks a little thoughtful (and confused), and tells Amy that Judge someone or other wants to see her in his office. Amy opens a package of Fritos and wonders why he wants to see her. Donna looks like the smell of the Fritos is making her sick and blurts that she doesn't know why, before running off, presumably to barf.
Celeste takes Maxine through her apartment, explaining that she still needs to clean. Maxine suggests she also put on some make-up and do her hair. Celeste explains that she hasn't slept because she's so nervous about the inspection the day. Maxine explains that Celeste has really got to ace the inspection if she wants to get her children back. This frustrates Celeste, who can't believe that after working so hard to kick the heroin and alcohol, it's all "going to come down to light bulbs and make-up." Maxine gently explains that she's going to be sure the decision goes Celeste's way, and that she's on Celeste's side.
Amy finds Bruce already sitting in Judge WhatsHisName's office, looking quietly distressed. The Judge tells her that "an allegation of impropriety" has been filed against her. She asks, "What kind of impropriety?" The Judge explains that the accusation is that she and "Mr. Van Exel" have been having an, ahem, extracurricular relationship. He explains that while he doesn't believe it, the accusation does come from someone who has spent time in her courtroom. The Judge explains that the allegations are being investigated, and that, should they be substantiated, both Amy and Bruce would be suspect to judicial review. He advises that Bruce work for another judge while the investigation is on going. Amy throws a fit, and says that she "depends" on Bruce, that removing him from her courtroom would "hurt children and families." Oh, whatever, Amy! We all know you're warm for his form, and you'd just miss seeing his hot bod everyday. Bruce remains silent throughout Amy's little hissy. Thinking aloud, Amy figures out that it must have been Ian who filed the complaint. She explains to WhatsHisName that Ian's had it out for her since she reprimanded him in the courtroom, and snips petulantly that WhatsHisName cannot separate her from Bruce. WhatsHisName says that he can do whatever he wants, because he's the administrative judge in that district. He nods, and dismisses them. Amy leaps to her feet, and calls the accusations sexist, and racist, but WhatsHisName stops her in her tracks, and dismisses the two of them, again.
In the hallway, Amy is livid while Bruce, as per usual, is cool as a cucumber. He tells her that he's surprised they lasted as long as they did, and tells her that he's putting in for the transfer. Amy can't believe it, but he tells her that he doesn't have a choice. They gaze at one another for a moment, before he turns on his heels and walks away. You know, Amy, if Bruce worked for another judge, you really could have a wild affair with him, and no one would even care. Why don't you put that in your pipe and smoke it?
Back at the Ranch, everyone's gathered for dinner. Vincent holds the baby, who, Gillian tells him, they've decided to call "Ned." Vincent speaks for all of America and Canada as he comments that "high school will be hell." Gillian takes the baby and dances around the kitchen, full of the joy and fulfillment of motherhood. Peter rests his head on the table. The baby isn't sleeping though the night. Well, no kidding. He's a little baby, Peter, they don't do that. Maxine wonders aloud if the family would like to met Richard Crenna. Amy freaks, wondering it this means Maxine and Richard are getting serious. Peter, of course, wakes right up at the mention of all of that money. He's totally jonesing to actually meet the rich old guy to whom he pimped out his own mother.
The doorbell rings. It's Loser Friend, totally wasted. Vincent seems pleased and surprised to see him. Loser Friend slouches into the house and explains that his wife has dumped him and that he's just lost custody of his kids. Vincent, low-key as per usual, doesn't seem shocked, or surprised, but merely sorta sorry to hear that. Loser Friend waltzes into the living room and starts reminiscing about their senior prom, and the wacky hi-jinks Vincent got up to in the back of Loser Friend's car with some random girl. Vincent has the good grace to look embarrassed about his adolescent waywardness, although he laughs. He asks Loser Friend to come back to the kitchen, and see Maxine. Loser Friend gets all drunkenly serious for a moment and claps Vincent on the shoulder and says that he heard that Vincent's dad died. Vincent's face darkens, and he tells Loser Friend that that was ten years ago. He then reminds Loser Friend that Loser Friend was at the funeral. Loser Friend takes this opportunity to wax poetic about how cool Dead Mr. Gray was, but he doesn't get too far, before Amy comes around the corner, calling Vincent for dinner. Vincent, who has realized that Loser Friend is totally off his rocker by this point, asks Amy to "look what the cat dragged in." Amy, naturally, angrily asks Loser Friend to go. Loser Friend just wants to talk. Vincent, sweetly, is totally confused. Loser Friend explains that Amy is the judge who took his kids away from him. Amy asks Vincent to escort Loser Friend from the house. Vincent looks like he wishes he'd stayed home for dinner with Donna.
I am going to watch that Survivor show, and I am going to hate myself for it.
At DCF, Mr. "I'm Not Joey's Dad" Potter tells Maxine that he's pleased Celeste's case has gone so swimmingly, thus far. He looks forward to meeting her. Maxine is winding her way back to her desk, when Charles "Son of Crenna" Duff swings into the office. Accepting a cup of coffee from Maxine, he tells her that because he isn't going to get the chance to actually get to know her, he decided "to do a little research." Maxine looks somewhat confused, as Charles spits back every financial detail of her life, including the stock-market débacle. Her face goes from pleasantly confused, to offended, to furious, and she tells Charles that he had better get on his way. Charles drawls that all the money his father made, he made for his family. Maxine, quite calmly, tells Charles that she isn't after Crenna's money. Charles says that he's sympathetic to Maxine's plight, and that perhaps they can come to an agreement. Maxine, who is angry in that quiet angry way, which is generally much more serious than the loud angry way, tells Charles to get out of her office. Charles, all patronizingly, asks that she think about what he's said. "You're the one who better think about it," Maxine says. Go Maxine! Charles smiles and walks out. Maxine looks shell-shocked. I know I've already been uncharacteristically nice to Tyne Daly in this recap, but she did a really bang-up job with that scene.
At the Rancherito, Vincent is making a bookshelf out of boards and cinder blocks, in the time-honored way of poverty-stricken readers everywhere. Donna halting stumbles out of the bathroom and asks if they can talk. She announces that she is pregnant. Vincent, shocked, knocks down the entire top shelf. Donna waves all five of the pregnancy tests she took in his face. Vincent stands stock still, appearing utterly stunned, while Donna wonders what she's going to do. He slowly puts down his cinder block, and, coming to his senses, tells her that this is "a good thing," pointing out that she's married, and loves children. Donna, putting on her dramatic cap again, flings herself against the window, and gasps that Oscar is not the father. Vincent, who's clearly the guy I want with me in an emergency -- okay, the guy I want, period -- handles this very calmly, and wonders who, then, the father is. Donna turns from the window and raises a finger, half-heartedly, to the sky. Vincent interprets this as "Jerry, upstairs?" who Vincent thought was, you know, gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Donna shakes her head and points really upstairs. I can not recreate on paper the amusing way in which Vincent said the word "God?" so just use your imagination. He sort of laughs and starts to tell Donna that it...couldn't....possibly...be....Donna flings herself on the sofa and wraps a blue afghan around her head, à la the Virgin Mary herself, and confesses to Vincent that she is still a virgin, because her one night with Oscar was "unsuccessful." Vincent kneels to Donna and asks if she's sure. Donna wrinkles her nose and confesses that "he....couldn't...it....wouldn't..." She makes a furtive little "rising" motion with her hands and Vincent looks away and says that he gets the gist. He rubs his eyes and asks how far they got "before." Donna says they did everything "you're supposed to do," but before they "got to the final thing, he...couldn't." She makes this little shrinking motion with her hands. Vincent asks if, before, "did he...was he...?" Donna asks if he's "talking about penetration." Vincent says that he's afraid he is. She explains that they got that far, but "it was kinda downhill from there, if you know what [she] mean[s]." Vincent leans in and explains that you can get pregnant from pre-ejaculatory fluid, a phrase I never thought I would use in a recap of Judging Amy. Donna didn't know this, because she went "to religious school." Hee. The phone rings, and as Vincent talks, Donna grasps the fact that she is not carrying the son of God, but that she is, in fact, going to have regular, run-of-the-mill baby. She looks both shocked, and pleased. Vincent gets off the phone and says that while he needs to go on assignment, they can talk when he gets back. That scene was very amusing, in a way that I don't think quite translates to paper.
Mr. Potter is inspecting Celeste's apartment. All seems to be going well. In the kitchen, Maxine takes a gander at the contents of the garbage can, and looks distressed.
Outside the building, Mr. Potter tells Celeste that he's pleased with her progress and looks forward to reuniting her family. Maxine looks sick. She brings some heroin paraphernalia out of the pocket of her cardigan and confronts Celeste with it. At first Celeste denies that it belongs to her at all, but she breaks under Maxine's scrutiny and admits that she took one hit, just to calm herself down, because she was so nervous about the inspection. She swears she isn't really using again. Maxine, again, says nothing. Potter looks upset. Celeste weeps that she's clean. Maxine apologizes. Celeste accuses her of not really even listening, and she grabs hold of Mr. Potters open car door, crying that she "wants her babies." She sobs and bangs on his window, then falls on the street and keens on the pavement as Potter and Maxine drive away. I can bring no comedy to that, people. It ain't all laughs this week.
In Amy's office, she and Bruce are exchanging terse, work-related, words. They're getting ready to head into court, when a police officer comes in and tells them that they aren't going anywhere. There's a situation outside.
Outside, there is indeed a situation. Vincent's there to cover it for the paper. I see he's moved on from city council meetings and waste management. Police and firemen surround the courthouse -- there is a beat-up old van parked in front, which everyone gives a wide berth. A police officer tells Vincent that inside the van is a lunatic who's threatening to bomb the building unless he gets to speak to one of the judges, some woman who took his kids away. Dum dum dum dum! Vincent tells the police officer that he needs to talk to the guy in the van, that he's known him for years, that the judge he wants to talk to is his sister. The cop wonders how dumb Vincent thinks he is. Vincent flashes his press pass, proving, at least, that he and the judge in question have the same last name. ["Which is really rare and unusual. Not." -- Wing Chun]
In chambers, Amy attempts to call her family, but the police officer with them will not let her. Oksy, I'm confused. If they can get a police officer in there, why can't they get Amy and Bruce and everyone out? Was he already in the building? Is there only that one door, in and out of the courthouse? If so, why don't they all at least move away from the windows? Into the back of the building, as far way from the front door as possible? For that matter, I'm sure a building as old as that courthouse has if not an actual bomb shelter, constructed during the Cold War, then, certainly a basement. Why aren't they in the basement? It's not like Loser Friend has the entire building rigged to blow at any moment. Bruce sits calmly on the sofa, as Amy waltzes right over to the window and looks out! Girlfriend, get away from the glass! Hello?! Have none of these people seen Die Hard? Or, you know, any Movie With A Bomb, ever? Amy asks Bruce if he could "check in with those saints [he's] so friendly with." He serenely tells her that it's "already done."
Outside, the police officers have allowed Vincent to call Loser Friend on a cell phone. More questions: why does Loser Friend have a phone with him in the Van of Death? And how do the police know his phone number? And why would Loser Friend even ANSWER his cell phone? Anyway, Vincent wants to talk to Loser Friend face to face. Loser Friend agrees, as long as Vincent "comes alone." It only takes about one minute for Vincent to convince the police that he ought to go talk to a crazy man with a bomb, alone, without any advice, or counseling from some kind of expert on crazy bombers, and without even a bulletproof vest. Man, remind me never to get into a hostage situation in Hartford.
Amy paces in her office. Bruce actually manages gets some work done, while she's quietly imagining her own death. Amy abruptly turns and snaps at him, telling him that she's mad at him, because she can't believe he'd be willing to leave her and work for another judge. Bruce calmly tells her that it isn't personal. She says that it's "very personal." She sits to him. She tells him that agreeing to work for someone else is like admitting they did something wrong. He doesn't see it that way. Amy tells Bruce she wants him to "fight for her." All right! Now we're getting somewhere! Bruce says he is fighting for her, explaining that if he doesn't transfer, her good name will be dragged through the mud, and her reputation -- and his -- will be ruined. He wonders why their staying together is so important to her. Amy leans in and gasps that she "need[s] him!" Big, freaking word, and I think we all know exactly how she meant that. Bruce just stares at her for a second, then picks up his paperwork and dives right back in. Amy sighs, angrily, and goes back to standing by the Window of Death. God, you two! If Impending Doom doesn't spur either of you to jump in the sack, what will? A shovel, and a handful of barbiturates? Work with me!
Outside, Vincent takes twenty minutes to approach the Van of Death. He looks, understandably, nervous. Everyone else, from the police to the bomb squad, just stands there and watches him walk. He clambers inside the van, and jovially asks Loser Friend "what's up?" Both he and Loser Friend laugh nervously. Loser Friend hands Vincent a beer. Nothing cozier than sitting outside your sister's place of business, having a cold one with the guy who wants to kill her, I always say. Vincent tries to talk Loser Friend into turning himself in. He then tries to convince Loser Friend that he doesn't even believe he plans to blow up the courthouse. Loser Friend tells Vincent that all he wants is five minutes of Amy's time. Vincent tells him it isn't going to happen. Loser Friend darkly predicts that they'll "see about that."
Over at DCF, Maxine explains to Potter that Celeste "self-sabotaged." Potter wonders if Maxine thinks he's unqualified for his job. She tells him that while he's a "little green," he "seems nice and has no offensive personal habits." Like, you know, stealing. She says she's with him "95%," and tells him to "hope for the best." He sulkily gets off her desk and wanders back to his own. Buck up, little camper! Richard Crenna, at this point, makes a grand entrance, asking after her day. She tells him it sucked, and mentions that Charles stopped by to see her. Crenna asks if he came to say good-bye. Maxine says it was "something like that." Crenna says that Charles liked her. Maxine has no comment. She tells him that she's going to be a while. He tells her he has nothing but time. It was awfully nice of Maxine not to rat Charles out. I suspect, of course, that Charles shall return.
Back in the Van of Death, the sun has gone down, the mood has gone up, and right about now, it's time to finish the cup. The boys are still drinking. And listening to the radio. Man, Vincent is one cool customer. I haven't had the nerve to actually confess this to anyone before now, but I think that I love him. He and the Unabomber sing along to the Bruce Springsteen song on the radio. Loser Friend tells Bruce that the Boss totally sings about his life -- because he's the champion of losers. Maybe if Loser Friend gets though this rough patch, he can get a job in marketing for Bruce Springsteen, because I know that sold me!Vincent tries to convince the man in the van with explosives in the back that he is not a loser. Loser Friend doesn't buy it. He knows the score. Loser Friend tells Vincent that Vincent's childhood was soooo much better than his own. Whatever, dude. That doesn't give you the right to blow other people up. He berates himself for screwing up his own children's lives. Yes, blowing people up does tend to make you look like a bad parent. Vincent tries to convince Loser Friend that he still has a chance to turn things around with his kids, but Loser Friend cries that turning things around is impossible, that he's messed everything up. The man has a point. Vincent offers to explain things to the cops, and to help him get a lawyer. Loser Friend tells Vincent that he's can't go to jail, that he can't have his children knowing that about him. Vincent lies and says that he "doesn't think it'll come to that." He is so calm. He tells Loser Friend that he's going to go tell the cops that he's ready to talk. As Vincent gets out of the car, Loser Friend says, "thanks for everything," which I believe is TV Talk for "I'm going to kill myself now." Sure enough, when Vincent is about fifteen feet from the van, nodding to the police, the Van of Death blows sky-high in a huge fireball. Vincent is flung forward. Inside the courthouse, everything shakes and parts of the ceiling falls on Amy and Bruce's heads, as he grabs her and shields her with his body. Outside, the police and EMS guys cower behind their cars. Worst of all, Vincent lays, unconscious, maybe dead, in a ring of fire.
At DCF, Maxine and Crenna are about to leave when the phone rings. It's Peter. Maxine doesn't seem to be able to grasp the news he's giving her. Of course, we have no idea what that news is, but I bet it includes the words "bomb," "Vincent," "Courthouse" and "Amy." The season ends with Maxine saying "Oh, my God," over and over again into the phone. Let me just say that if the powers-that-be touch a hair on Vincent's head, other than, perhaps to wash it, there will be hell to pay. HELL. And Bruce better come though this, too. I'm not joking, people. Although, if you really want to, you can kill Amy.
The season may be over, but the recaps aren't! Since I started recapping Judging Amy mid-season, I'm going to be recapping those episodes that re-run over the summer which we haven't already faced down. I'm also going to be doing the Real World: Los Angeles recaps, so make sure to bring all your love over there, too. Peace Out.