Shout-out to Queen B.
Joan's in Doctor Dan's swanky, earth-toned, mid-century modern office, telling him about a dream she once had about a talking sea turtle named Lady. She says they did everything together: talked, played cards, swam, and ate junk food. "When I woke up, I missed her so much. Even though…she was never real. I mean, especially because…because she wasn't real." Doctor Dan helpfully points out, "But Judith was real, Joan." Joan says Lady was an exotic, magical creature: "She belonged to me; nobody else had a friend like her. And then I actually…found someone who was like…a talking sea turtle. I mean, she was…magical, and…exotic." Joan glances anxiously at Doctor Dan, who's busy scribbling notes. "You're totally not following me, are you?" Doctor Dan looks up: "It's normal to be angry with someone who dies. You feel abandoned." Thanks, Doctor Dumb. And could you also tell me: when I feel full, is that a good time to stop eating? Joan's a little peeved, too: "So what happens in psychiatry school, hmm? What, they suck out every original thought?" Doctor Dumb informs Joan that she's transferring her anger onto him. Joan: "No, I'm actually angry with you." Doctor Dumb: "You know why?" Joan: "'Cause you're a jerk." Heh. Doctor Dumb: "I took God away from you. I destroyed that magical and exotic friendship. More than ever, you wish he were real." Joan leans forward: "Lots of people believe in God who are not crazy: Isaac Newton. Bono. Pretty much anyone who wins an award." She kinda runs out of steam there. Doctor Dumb: "Believing is one thing. Seeing is another." Isn't seeing believing? He adds, "Are you seeing him again?" Joan sits there with her arms crossed. She doesn't meet his eyes, but she allows the barest trace of a smile to begin crossing her face.
Outside, Helen asks if it went well. Joan says it went fine. Helen asks if it helped. Joan: "Mom, my friend died. I'm sad. Apparently that's normal." Helen: "Joan…" Joan says she went and talked to Doctor Dumb like she wanted, but she doesn't want to see him anymore. Helen: "Why not?" Joan: "He has nose hair." Helen does not think that's a reason. Joan says Helen can't keep dragging her to the shrink every time something bad happens. Helen approaches their car, only to find she's getting a ticket. The meter reader dings her for $28. Helen can't believe it: "I was just taking my daughter to see a counsellor." Joan: "Mom!" Like Lovely Rita cares, anyway. She tells Helen she's just doing her job. Helen declares, "Unbelievable!" and Joan gives Lovely Rita a dirty look. Lovely Rita says her meter ran out. Joan stops getting into the car: "What?" Lovely Rita: "Her time ran out." Joan comes over: "Oh, really? That's your defense? 'Her time ran out.' That's the best you can do when it comes to the point of human existence?" It seems clear Joan thinks Lovely Rita is God, and at this point, it's anyone's guess. She continues, "'Sorry, time's up. Too bad about all those people you loved and all the plans you had.' You know, it must be really great to know that your time's never gonna run out." Lovely Rita is puzzled but not particularly perturbed: "What?" Helen honks impatiently. Joan: "Coming!" She gets in the car and tells her mother, "Just drive." As they back out of the space, we see Joan's troubled face in the rear-view mirror. Frink: "There's no way we should be seeing Joan in the rear-view mirror." Yeah, I'm thinking Helen might want to adjust that. Theme song.
The Girardis are having a meeting with their lawyer at the house. Hey! They decided to stick with the shark, Chuck Kroner. I'm really surprised Helen went along with that after their initial meeting. She's sitting as far away from him as she can, though, just so he doesn't get any ideas that she might care for him or his approach. She might have poisoned those muffins, though. I notice Will and Kevin aren't touching them. He informs them the Bakers have agreed to do the depositions in his office: "'Too emotional to travel?' That's going to sound great in the court when the jury's staring at my client. End of the day, they would have done it in your living room." Helen says she still doesn't understand why the kids have to participate. Kroner thinks it's great: "It'll work for us. The more kids you have, the more lives that are ruined. Tell them to load it up, too. Usually the deposition rule is: monosyllables. When it comes to describing the night of this accident, I wanna hear violins playing." To Kevin: "That goes triple for you, kiddo." Kevin: "No problem." Will says, "Chuck, we're on board with the aggressive approach but this language upsets my wife." Helen says she can speak for herself. Will: "Okay, then it upsets me." Kroner: "Litigation, people, not synchronized swimming." Joan interrupts to say, "Mom, no pressure, but all the clothes I like are dirty…sorry…" You know, I strongly believe any teenager ought to be able to do his or her own laundry, but we've already seen that Joan is exceptionally deficient in that area. Will introduces them: "Joan, Chuck Kroner. Our daughter is wearing her least favourite clothes." Hee. Chuck says it's nice to meet her, and informs everyone he really has to run: "In my profession, time actually is money." Unlike writers, who get paid by the letter? Shut it, Kroner. As he leaves, Helen gives Will a sour look, which is met with a slightly sheepish glance of his own. Joan: "What's with Captain Creepy?" No one speaks. Kevin sighs, shrugs, and shakes his head. Joan: "Whatever it is, I am not going to therapy." She hustles upstairs.
School. Luke is trying to persuade Grace to come to his birthday dinner: "I know it's a lot to ask…" Grace: "Dude…licking your floors would be a lot to ask." Luke says it's one dinner. She refuses. He pleads that it's his birthday dinner, and says his dad makes lasagna. I suppose Grace doesn't keep kosher, because she fails to object to the menu. Maybe Will would make veggie lasagna. Grace says, "I'll get you a present. Besides, someone we knew is actually dead. How can you even think of celebrating?" Luke retorts, "It's dinner, Grace. You know, nobody's going to limbo, or wear stupid hats." Grace: "You know, once your sister knows, the world knows. We might as well get married." Luke claims Joan won't figure it out. I knew it! I knew she didn't see them holding hands last week. Grace chortles, "She's not that stupid." Luke: "Stupid, no. Self-absorbed? Paris Hilton has more perspective." Luke says he'll just say they have to study later: "It's my sixteenth birthday. You know, the one where you get a car. I mean, I'm just getting a diving watch, but still, it's a watershed event." Grace says she thought he was afraid of the ocean. Luke doesn't address that. He just insists that her attendance at dinner is what he wants for his birthday: "Not a present, not a rain cheque, not five more minutes of make-out time!" He's being a little loud, there, and she tells him to shut up as she walks off. He calls after her, "This is a deal-breaker, Grace." Just then he runs into Joan and Adam, and takes off so quickly Joan makes a face, wondering what his problem is. I think his problem is that he didn't have a birthday at all last year, since when the show started, we were told that Luke was fifteen, Joan was sixteen and Kevin was nineteen. In this episode, we learn that Luke's birthday is November 19. Which means that unless the first eight episodes or so of Season One all occurred in the first two weeks of November -- and they clearly didn't -- they're fudging the age thing. Which, okay, I can roll with it. (As long as they stick to it from here on out.) But there are other timeline/continuity issues here, too, related to the date of Kevin's accident. We'll get to those. Date stuff drives me crazy. (Also, as far as anybody with HDTV could tell, Joan's birthday is in November, too. Not to mention both the birth and death dates of Adam's mother. What's with the November fetish on this show? ["I can't speak to the death thing, but I know more people with birthdays in November than in any other month. So much for the 'Valentine's Day is a meaningless consumer construct' theory. Heh." -- Sars])
She complains to Adam that she's still having nightmares about Judith: "And now I have to go to this lawyer's office and talk about Kevin's accident." Look! "Written by Barbara Hall." Yay! More of that, please. Joan wonders, "What did I do in my past lifetime, kill puppies?" Adam: "Truly, yeah. You know, plus this is the week Price is gonna analyze the college counsellor's report." Joan: "Are you kidding me? How could I hate my life more?" Uh…you could be Judith? Or her parents? Friedman pushes past them to get into Lischak's classroom, singing, "Tests are back today!" Joan: "What?" Then: "Way to bounce back after Judith!" Adam: "It's a classic coping mechanism." He assures her she did fine on the test: "I quizzed you."
shot: Joan holding up her physics test in front of her face, with a big fat red F, and lots of errors, all circled. And a "NO!" Yikes. Grace and Adam, on either side of Joan, are staring at the paper. Grace: "Wow…did Lischak use her own blood?" I think it's more likely the blood of some hapless science student. Joan's incredulous. Adam: "What happened? You knew it." Joan guesses she froze. Adam tries to conceal his paper, but Joan snatches it and sees that he got an A. She and Grace seem equally surprised. Adam claims he got lucky: "Look, it's just 'cause you're under a lot of stress." Joan tells him, "Luke is stressed. Friedman is heartbroken." Joan's interrupted by the sound of Luke and Friedman noisily congratulating each other with complicated handshakes and high-fives. Joan continues, "I am incredibly…stupid." Adam: "Physics is hard." Joan: "'Physics is hard?' That's like the intellectual version of "you're not fat.'" Hee. Adam says it's just her first test and there's lots of time to compensate. Friedman turns around with a piece of paper and stands in front of Joan, who snarls, "sentence could be your last." Friedman just looks sad as he hands Joan a test, saying, "Lischak gave it to me because I helped her study. That's all I was gonna say." He returns to his seat. It's Judith's paper, with a C grade. Joan looks upset, and runs her hand through her hair, finally letting her chin rest on her hand. Grace and Adam say nothing. Okay, wait a minute: obviously this test was given before Judith died. So then what's all this exceptional stress Joan was under?
Will's being deposed. The other lawyer wants to go over basic details like name and address. Will glances around the office, noticing some football helmets on display. He lapses into a memory of the day of Kevin's accident.
Flashback time. Will opens the fridge and takes out a beer. He drinks it at the kitchen table as Luke raves about a kite he wants. When Frink and I get a load of two-years-ago Luke, we just explode in laughter. He's so adorably gawky, with the massive orthodontic apparatus around his head and his hair all combed down straight. He's…adorkable (tm Queen B). Frink and I are freaking so much we can barely hear the dialogue, which consists of Luke exclaiming, "Dad, it is so cool! It's got ram-air traction, ripstop nylon…I mean, you barely need a breeze to fly it! It's, like, the perfect display of positive/negative airflow!" Great, now Frink wants one. He loves kites. Maybe I'll get him one for Festivus. Will's basically ignoring him. Imagine that. Joan, sitting on the counter making a friendship bracelet, says, "It's a kite." Luke: "Yeah, and it's smarter than you." Joan: "And it's more interesting than you." Joan looks like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, with her hair in two tight braids. She's wearing overalls and dumpy-looking shoes. Kevin comes into the kitchen and flings his gym bag on the counter as their father tells them to knock it off. Kevin: "Where's the Gatorade?" Well, it's probably in the fridge, but with all the jock sense of entitlement in the room, it might be hard to, you know, see the fridge. Wow, the Girardi kitchen is really…well, fugly's too strong a word, but...let's just say the Girardis sure got it together taste-wise when they bought the house in Arcadia. The kitchen's a bacchanal of knotty pine, and there's at least one shelf that has scalloped trim carved along the bottom. Egad, is it the range hood that's got that scallops on it? Yucko. They've got a huge old double oven, though. That'd come in handy. Man, I want one of those Maytag Gemini ovens with the two compartments…sorry -- there's no staying on topic once I start thinking about interiors.
Kevin grabs a bottle out of the fridge as his father says, "It's 4:30 and you're not suited up." Kevin says he'll suit up at the gym: "I got time." Will says he'll get benched. Kevin: "Henderson pulled a groin muscle. Nobody else to carry the ball." Will: "That's your work ethic?" Kevin says it's football, and not even his sport: "Baseball, I give 110 percent." Will starts riding him: "So you skim off the top elsewhere? What kind of a man are you?" He rags on Kevin as Joan and Luke decide to quietly slip away. It's obviously not all that unusual for Will to be on Kevin's case like this. Kevin asks if he can get the "abbreviated lecture," because he's going to be late. Will: "You're already late, and this is not how I raised you to think." Kevin: "You've been on me all day!" Will says that's his job. Helen comes in and wonders what the problem is now. Will says it's between him and Kevin, who's trying to leave. Will stops him, saying he's not finished. Helen says Kevin will be late for the game. Will: "Helen, please! You're always making excuses for him. You encourage him!" Helen sets the table, asking, "That's my crime? I encourage my son?" Will says she babies him: "He's a man and he needs to act like it! And he can't do that if his mother's still making his bed." Man. Will needs to calm the hell down. Helen sighs, "Will, it's homecoming. Try not to ruin it for him." Will: "I'm ruining it?" Kevin tries to get going while the going is good: "Bye!" Will goes after him: "Kevin, don't you walk out on me!" Kevin calls back, "I'm a man! I'm acting like it!" Will stands at the door, hollering that they're not finished: "One day, you're gonna get your ass kicked and there's a part of me that's looking forward to it! Do you hear me? Kevin!" He slams the door and stands there with his hand on the knob, exhaling heavily. It's a lot of work being a hard-ass.
Back to the deposition. The other lawyer has to pull Will out of Flashbackland to spell his name. Kroner wonders if Will's okay, or needs a minute. Will says he's ready, and spells his last name.
After the commercials, Joan comes into the kitchen where Kevin's writing something, declaring, "I want sugar and I want it now!" She asks Kevin, "The latest exposé? Did someone double-park?" He says he's making notes for the deposition. Joan's surprised to hear he's preparing: "I thought we just show up and say yes or no." She brings a Pop-Tart and some chocolate syrup to the table. Kevin says, "That's your job. My testimony's going to count for a lot." Joan: "Well, that's good, because I'm the dumb one." Kevin does a half-hearted Spicoli imitation: "Fast Times at Arcadia High." Joan thinks, and says, "Guess I'm still just dealing with Judith." Kevin nods. She tells him she failed her physics test: "Failed. I've had Ds before, but…once you see that F, it's like a whole other part of the alphabet." Kevin wonders why she's even taking physics. Joan: "'Cause I'm into quarks and stuff." Yeah, Kevin's buying that. She says it's because of Adam. Wait -- I thought he was taking physics because of her? Joan: "He's such a brainiac. I feel like I'm supposed to be one, too, because he deserves a girlfriend who's as smart as he is." Geez, Joan, he's got an eidetic memory. It's hardly a level playing field. Kevin gives her a concerned look, and Joan wonders, "Are we actually talking about stuff? It's not even eight o'clock yet." Kevin dispenses some brotherly advice: "You can't do things to impress other people." Joan sneers, "Yeah, because nothing in our society encourages that." Luke comes zipping down the stairs into the kitchen playing air guitar and making guitar sounds. I can't say as I recognize the riff. Joan: "No singing!" Luke laughs: "Sorry, but sometimes life is good." Joan: "Not in here, it isn't." Luke: "Is this about your F?" Joan snipes, "Is this about the Playboy magazines in your underwear drawer?" Direct hit. Luke shuts up immediately. Without looking up from his notes, Kevin gives Luke a big thumbs-up for that. Okay, first, even if you're looking for dirt on your brother…his underwear drawer? Yecchh. Second: we know Helen's a control freak who doesn't require/allow her children to do laundry. So…would you really keep porn magazines in the place your mommy puts your Underoos?
School. Adam and Joan are standing around waiting. Joan's head is on Adam's shoulder and she looks bummed. Adam (who's wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt that he looks really good in) wonders if it's really a big deal if Joan doesn't make Ivy League: "I mean, if George Bush is any indication…" Joan says she wants to go where he goes: "I mean, that's still the plan at least, right?" Okay: they don't use tongue yet, but they're already planning to go to college together? He agrees, and says he's thinking of second tier: "University of Texas, Austin. A lot of great filmmakers came out of there. Wes Anderson, for example." I'm all, "Mention Richard Linklater. Mention Richard Linklater!" He doesn't. I'm all bitterly disappointed in my boyfriend. Come on, how can you overlook Richard Linklater? That is numerous kinds of wrong. I love Richard Linklater. Also, his name is fun to say over and over again. Anyway, Joan brightens up, saying, "I could do Austin. We could learn how to two-step." Adam laughs, too nice to tell her, "Over my dead artsy body." Joan: "You know what I think about? How much Judith is missing out on all this." Some pretty blond guy we've never seen comes out and calls Joan into Price's office. Is he Helen's replacement? Perhaps. Joan asks Adam to wish her luck, and kisses him. The secretary taps on the window behind them, announcing, "Watching the PDA." Joan makes a face about that at Adam and enters the office.
As she's signing in, the secretary tells her, "Try to remember who you are, Joan. 'Coyly stated by the Almighty.'" Joan seems to know it's God as soon as he said "Joan," though -- but how odd is it that the guy calling students into Price's office would know her name? Usually that's the giveaway, but here, it doesn't make sense. Joan asks, "Remember who I am: that's my assignment?" The secretary manifests some stereotypically gay mannerisms, and normally I wouldn't jump to conclusions, but since I know this role was described as "Gay Male Secretary God," we can just cut to the chase and call him Queer Deity for the Straight Girl, or QDftSG for short. (And if Joan turns out to be…flexible…we'll change "straight" to "self-absorbed.") I'm all for God being gay, but what's with the "male secretary" thing? Aren't we past the era of "lady doctors" and "male nurses" yet? As some old second-wave feminist used to say, there are only two jobs that are sex-specific: sperm donor and wet nurse. And frankly, even the latter seems to be up for grabs. Frink wants to know why they didn't just get Scott Thompson for this role. Me: "Because Scott Thompson probably costs ten times what this guy does?" QDftSG says, "It's easy to get derailed when confronting your future. Try to stay grounded. And stand up straight. I didn't create you to slouch." Joan complies. QDftSG: "Go." Joan: "Wait. You know my future. So why do I have to go discuss it with Price?" QDftSG: "That free will lecture just doesn't land with you, does it?" Hee! Before she can reply, Price emerges from his office, clearing his throat loudly: "Growing old and dying in here, Ms. Girardi." Yeah, that oughta light a fire under her. Joan: "Works for me."
In his office, Price tells her he's received Mr. Tuchman's evaluation: "You've listed one of your major considerations for your destination of higher learning as 'weather.'" Joan says she's not good with cold. Sing it, sister! I wish I'd gone to university in San Diego, or Fiji or someplace. The one year I spent in a dorm, I lived by myself in a 10' x 10' room, and for most of the year, I had a loud, scary old space heater running constantly and was wrapped in an electric blanket turned up as high as it would go. My best friend Margaret, who lived across the hall, would come over and freak out about how hot my room was. She's a nut who'd have her window open on even the most frigid days. (M, if you're reading this, which I doubt, you know I kid because I love.) I'm sure between the two of us, we were responsible for a hefty hike in the cost of residence the following year. Price points out she failed her physics test. Joan: "Physics is hard. Look, why don't you just tell me what schools you think I have a shot with." She mentions UT Austin as her first choice. Price: "UT is a fine school. Unfortunately, they do have as one of their admissions criteria evidence of brain activity." Whoa. Price, dude, that's harsh, even for you. Joan: "But…I got straight Bs last semester." Price: "Mmm. You were somewhat farther down the musical scale the year before." Wouldn't that be the year of Kevin's accident, arsewipe? I find it hard to believe he's unaware of that, given that Helen used to work in that very office. Joan says that was her old school: "I was different then." Price is completely devoid of sympathy or even humanity: "There's a reason they call it a permanent record, Ms. Girardi. Any four-year school is out of your range. I'm recommending Arcadia Community College." Oh, come on. There must be any number of four-year schools Joan could get into, especially if she really pulls up her socks between now and graduation. Joan starts panicking, saying she can't stay here: "I'm going wherever Adam goes." Price: "Adam Rove is a gifted student. He has a promising future. I'm sure you don't want to hold him back." Man. Talk about violations of ethics and professionalism. Discussing another student's prospects, completely discouraging (and ignoring) Joan…I just want to smack him into week. He dismisses her by handing her the brochure for Arcadia Community College. She's speechless.
Lucyfer holds the door of her office open for Will. She closes it behind him, saying, "So…talk to me." And Will obeys: "I was deposed yesterday. It brought a lot of stuff up. I don't feel comfortable talking about it." Like she's going to leave it at that. Lucyfer: "Okay. I just thought I'd ask." Will says he'll redo the reports. I guess he bollixed something up. She says that's not the point. And Will, hand on the doorknob, just caves, telling her, "The night of the accident…it was homecoming weekend." He tells her how he and Kevin had been sniping at each other the whole day and what he said when Kevin was leaving: "That's the last thing I said to my son before he was paralyzed." Wait, wasn't there a phone call that night? Lucyfer's the picture of understanding: "So…you're guilty for being human?" Will says it was a horrible thing to say. Lucyfer: "People say horrible things to each other all the time. Saying it didn't make the accident happen." Who's she, his therapist? Back off, lady.
She continues, "As my ex-husband was going out the door, I yelled after him, 'And I hope your --'" She breaks off with some slicing hand gestures, adding, "Kind of a John Bobbitt moment there, you know?" Will kind of chuckles, but makes an important mental note, too. Lucyfer: "When you get mad, you go for the weak spot." Apparently that's how you also go about breaking up someone else's marriage, too. She thinks he can let himself off the hook. Suddenly she asks how Helen's coping. Will says he didn't tell her about the "Kevin thing" because he didn't want to upset her. Well, Helen was there; she probably has her own memory of it. But it's nice that you're not burdening your wife, and confiding instead in Beelzebub's handmaiden here. Lucyfer smiles at him, saying, "I think that was probably a good idea. She has enough." Will gives her kind of an uncertain look, probably not entirely comfortable with their intimacy and yet grateful for it all the same. Also: not forgetting the Bobbitt remark. Lucyfer says she's still waiting to meet Helen: "Not quite convinced she's real." Will says they'll have her over for dinner soon. Lucyfer: "Oh, well, don't get carried away. Nobody's gotta cook." If you're so anxious to meet her, why don't you invite the Girardis over? Or would that mean explaining why you keep jackals as pets, and have no furniture other than beds of burning coals? Could get sticky. Will says they like to cook at their house. She smiles at him. He thanks her for listening. She says gently, "Thanks for talking."
Helen's being deposed. She's asked to revisit the evening of November 9, 2002. Okay, wait just a continuity-nitpicking minute. When the show started, in September 2003, Kevin's accident was supposed to have been about a year and a half earlier. Then when the lawsuit came up earlier this season, there were references made to it being almost three years since the accident, which would make sense. Now it's only two years ago? What? Argh. The lawyer asks Helen if she's cognizant of the events of that evening. Helen: "Yes, I remember the night my son was paralyzed." The lawyer says she knows this is hard. Helen: "Can we skip the false concern?" Kroner decides to advise his client in a whisper: "Keep your eyes on the prize, Helen." Helen apologizes: "What was the question?" The lawyer wants to know if she spoke to Kevin while he was at the party. Helen says she didn't, but Will did. Kroner decides to pour himself a glass of water at that moment (and for some reason, he holds the pitcher about a foot above the glass -- who does that?), and it triggers a memory for Helen.
Helen's snarfing ice cream out of the container, sitting at the kitchen table of their old house. It's raining out. Will's running the tap for a glass of water. He asks if she's coming to bed. She says, "Eventually." Will: "Good game tonight. He broke some nice tackles." Helen doesn't appear to be in a talkative mood. Will says Kevin called and he'll be home from the party by midnight. Helen still says nothing, and avoids looking at Will. He says he's trying to let Kevin grow up. Helen: "I don't want to argue with you. Go to bed." Will: "I'm worried about his attitude! He acts like there's a free ride waiting for him." Helen replies, "He's a good-looking, athletic kid. There's nothing wrong with him enjoying that." Will says he relies on it: "That's not how the world works! And aren't we supposed to prepare him for the world?" Helen says that's only part of the job. She asks, "Do you think you might be resentful because he has some things that you didn't?" Er…like being good-looking and athletic? Where, exactly, are you going with this, Helen? Will takes offense: "Excuse me? Resentful of my own son?" Well. I've heard of it happening once or twice, maybe.
Helen: "You are all over him! Nothing is good enough. Talk about letting him grow up…how's he supposed to do that with you breathing down his neck?" Will thinks his task is to turn Kevin into a man. And you know, those boys who have been turned into men through a combination of heckling, nagging, berating and browbeating…those are some really well-adjusted men, I tell you what. Helen snaps, "What kind of man? A man who hates his father?" Yikes. Things sure have changed since Kevin's accident. Will stopped pushing Kevin altogether -- probably overcome with guilt -- leaving Helen to do all the pushing. Will says he's going to take a shower. Helen: "Yeah, you do that." As he disappears around the corner, he adds, "I don't forgive that statement." Helen calls out, "I'm not asking you to!" She takes her ice cream container to the sink. Glancing outside at the storm, she has a vision: Kevin lying on the sidewalk. Just lying there, almost looking asleep; not bloody or covered with broken glass or anything. The doorbell rings while Helen's trying to cope with this image. She calls out, "Are you gonna get that, Will?" No answer, and the ringing becomes more insistent. Helen heads for the door, and the picture becomes watery as we float back to the lawyer's office, coming up on the fish tank there.
The lawyer recaps what Helen's said so far, asking what happened after the doorbell rang. Helen: "The police…" She looks down at her hands.
Later that night, Helen's lying on their bed reading, and Will's doing sit-ups on the floor in front of her. This? This is not good, people. Why's he doing sit-ups all of a sudden? No good can come of middle-aged TV husbands doing sit-ups. "Okay, this time I mean it…" Helen, not taking her eyes off her book: "You're gonna start running again." Will: "I'm going to set my alarm for five-thirty." Helen mutters, "Not in this bedroom, you're not." Will pants, "You want me to get old and fat?" Helen kisses him: "As long as you do it with me." Will stops exercising, and asks, "Did you buy something expensive?" She says she had her deposition today, and recalled how horrible she was being to Will the evening of Kevin's accident. Will says she wasn't. She takes a breath and says, "I remember something else…right before the cops came to the door…I…had this vision…this image of Kevin lying on the ground in the rain. I saw it. What do you think that was?" Will doesn't answer right away, so Frink does: "'I don't know, but it makes me damned uncomfortable.'" Will just says he doesn't know, and gets up and walks away. Off to do some more sit-ups in another room, I guess: seems like he's starting to think that if he has to choose between his catechism-studying, vision-having, God-believing-in wife and Lucyfer, he'll take his chances with the devil he doesn't know. Helen just stays put, thinking. Will finally sits on the bed, saying he wants to invite Lucyfer on Friday. Helen rolls her eyes before rolling over to face Will. We can't see her face, but it's easy to picture from Will's response: "That's what you do, Helen. You invite the boss over. We had Roebuck over. That's what you do." She just keeps giving him a look. "I mean, if Friday's a big problem..." Helen: "It's not the day, it's the person." Will suggests, "Maybe you could meet her before you fully commit to hating her." Too late, bub. And Helen doesn't even know the half of it. Helen: "So after I feed her…then I can hate her?" Will: "With complete abandon." Bit of the Fat Tony voice there. Love it. He comes prowling toward her, but he must be high if he thinks that's going anywhere, because Helen scoots out of his way, sitting up and clearing her reading material. They each turn to their bedside tables and start setting their clocks.
Gym class. One guy is adeptly flipping himself around on those hanging rings, while on the rings to him, Friedman struggles. Dangling, choking, and grunting, he eventually lets go and crashes to the ground. For some reason, Grace, Luke, Adam, Joan, and Glynis are all sitting on the bleachers in street clothes, watching. Grace: "It's some kinda breakdown." Shot of Friedman standing on the mats, wearing a bright blue tank top and stretchy yellow gym pants. (I really have to give Aaron Himelstein props for his willingness to look the fool.) I'm surprised he's not wearing a bright yellow dickie with the tank top. Joan says it's about Judith. Glynis: "Which is kind of sweet." What in God's name is going on with her hair? She's got it pulled back it two high, scrawny ponytails. It seems shorter, and she's got some kind of scraggly bangs, too. But she's wearing a plaid jumper with a fairly short skirt, so she hasn't completely abandoned her fashion makeover. I have no idea what's going on with this girl. Luke says it's not about Judith: "It's about Price. He needs a sport for Harvard." And he's considering gymnastics? I think he ought to look into croquet. Wait -- is House of the Dead a sport? Glynis squirms a little, saying, "It's curiously appealing, picturing him in maroon and white." Well, it's more appealing than the AHS colours of IKEA blue and yellow, that's for sure. Also: uh-oh. Glynis and Friedman? Well, it could work. The potential for doofiness squared, cubed, whatever, is a little frightening. Grace shifts her eyes in Glynis's direction: "Is everyone having a breakdown?" Adam: "It's college, man. It's like we're all possessed. Price told me I have to put in more time at the design studio if I want to get into Stanford." Joan's alarmed: "Stanford? I thought you were going to Texas." Adam says that for what he wants to do, Price advised Stanford: "I got a shot." Even though forum posters are of the opinion that Stanford's art programs aren't anything special. Adam: "That's on your short list, right?" Joan claims it is. Glynis is fixated on Friedman: "What if, all this time, he's had an inner warrior?" We see Friedman, focusing intensely and then running up to a pommel horse. But instead of leaping over it, he achieves the groin/pommel horse equivalent of a belly flop. He grunts and rolls off to one side. Glynis stands up, panicked: "Holy future Friedmans." She leaps over bleachers as she dashes toward him: "Walk it off, Harvardian! Back in the saddle!" Joan says she has to go. She seems distressed, so Adam asks if she's okay. She claims she is. But he can tell she's not, so he grabs his stuff and runs after her. That leaves Luke, with Grace sitting in the row behind him. Grace looks very cute in her backward ball cap.
When everyone's gone, Grace states firmly, "I will not sing. I will not wear a dress." Luke: "What?" Grace: "Those are the terms." Luke smiles to himself; he hasn't turned around to look at her: "So you're saying yes?" She adds, "And it has nothing to do with that asinine threat. I will do all the breaking up around here, got it?" She grabs her stuff and leaves. She gives him a bit of a shove in the back as she walks past him. Luke: "Absolutely." You know, I may be reading too much into it, but I can't help but think the writers are planting little seeds of some really unacceptably abusive behaviour on Grace's part, what with the cruel nicknames for Luke and the occasional acts of physical aggression. I don't know if I want them to go there or not. I think it would be a very interesting storyline that hasn't been done to death, but I just don't want Grace to be that person. I do wish Luke would call her on her abusiveness, even if it's relatively mild. If you think I'm overstating the case, reverse their sexes and see if you still think so. If Luke were calling her insulting names and physically pushing her around, people would be up in arms.
Walking down the street, Joan is distracted by a sign for a fortune teller: "Madame Marie." She decides to go in, only to find someone who really looks like something of a female impersonator in an awful black wig, doing a crossword puzzle. Joan asks, "How much of my future can I get for five dollars?" Madame Marie, who's wearing some horribly fugly printed caftan, grumbles that it's a slow day and tells Joan to sit down. They enter a darker room through the predictable beaded curtain, and Joan sits. Madame Marie coughs a bit before unwrapping a set of cards inside a rainbow-coloured pastel scarf. Madame Marie gets her fin, then lays out a few cards, remarking, "That's funny." They're all blank. Joan asks what that means. Madame Marie: "Well, apparently you have no future. Technically speaking, no one does." Joan: "Oh, God…" Was "technically speaking" the tip-off? I've noticed God likes to say that. Fortune Teller God takes off her glasses and says, "That's me. You heard of string theory?" Joan reminds her that she's failing physics. Fortune Teller God: "A quick tutorial: past, present, future, all coexisting. In different dimensions with different rates of vibration." Joan: "Great. How about college?" She replies, "The future's not fixed, Joan. Its very existence is determined by the choices you make in the present." Joan asks if she's not supposed to worry about the future. Fortune Teller God: "The best way to affect it is by bringing your consciousness to the moment." Joan: "Oh, you're like a walking refrigerator magnet." Fortune Teller God makes a very important point: "I'm just saying, that's where all the action is. It's the only place you have any real power." I really think that concept is so important that I want to put that last sentence in italics. And bold. And caps. And use a lot of exclamation marks. But I also want to not get fired. ["Hey, as long as I don't have to do the formatting, follow your star." -- Sars] Joan attacks: "Your wig is, like, from Cher's reject pile. Are you aware?" Fortune Teller God just strokes a hank of her bad hair and says, "Don't forget about the present, Joan." Joan leaves with a curt "talk to the hand" gesture. Sort of a variation on a Godwave.
Luke is being deposed. He says it was a normal night: he and Joan had to go to the game to watch Kevin play, and then listen to endless talk about Kevin in the car on the way home. Luke rambles: "I'm used to being ignored. You know, the youngest and all. Hand-me-downs, used toys." Kroner prods him to stay on topic. Luke: "Right. It's not therapy." Then, concerned about how that sounded, he tells the other lawyer, "Not that I need therapy." He continues: "Anyway, I was engaged in some kind of academic pursuit…"
We drift into a flashback, and there's a Three Stooges movie on. Luke is slowly conveying a cheesie to his mouth. Joan's on the couch beside him, watching the movie, too. But didn't she say that she was watchingThe Nutty Professor-- for the millionth time -- when the cops came to the door? I suppose it's entirely plausible Luke's memory could be different. It's actually more plausible than the idea that everyone remembers everything identically. I'm going to let that one go, since God knows the bag of continuity nitpicks is full for this episode. Of the cheesies, Joan demands, "Gimme." She tries -- and fails -- to snatch the bag and Luke puts his feet on her: "Get your own!" "Get your rank feet off of me!" She shoves him partway off the couch. Luke: "Physical violence. Favourite tool of the intellectually impaired." Suddenly a commercial for the kite Luke wants comes on, and he says, "Want it, need it, getting it." Joan declares it a baby toy. Luke: "It's a ram-air traction kite, with ripstop nylon, mid-range action ratio --" Joan puts her arm over Luke's mouth. Suddenly they can overhear the argument Helen and Will were having, when he tells her he "doesn't forgive that statement." Joan glances in the direction of the fighting, and Luke mutters, "They better not get divorced before week." Joan says he's always thinking about himself. Luke says it's his birthday. Joan: "You, you, you, you…" Luke: "Yeah, right. As if anything in this house matters except Kevin." He keeps stuffing his face with cheesies. Joan fidgets with her braids. The doorbell rings. Joan: "I know. How do you fix it?" Helen calls out, asking if Will's going to answer the door. Luke says it can't be fixed: "We'll just have to put our scarred psyches to some productive use." The Three Stooges are back, and one of them backs his ass onto a needle large enough to anaesthetize Donald Trump's ego. The doorbell keeps ringing. Helen shouts. Joan makes a sudden grab for the bag of cheesies, and they struggle over it. As Helen answers the door and cries out in the background, the bag breaks and cheesies fly all over the place. And then there's one of the worst cuts to commercial ever. And speaking of cheesy things flying around, I didn't care for the sound effects on Helen's cry of pain. But Amber and Michael were absolutely awesome in this scene -- utterly believable in their complex sibling relationship.
Helen's alone in her classroom when Joan comes in to say she has to go to her deposition now. "And since I have to tell the truth, I thought I would start here." That's got Helen's attention: "Oh, God." Joan asks her to promise not to freak out. Helen: "Speak." Joan: "I failed my physics test, and I don't have a shot at a four-year college. Bye." Helen: "Whoa!" Joan stops, and Helen turns to her.
scene: Helen is barrelling into Price's office, hollering, "Price!" Joan's right behind her, saying, "Mom, see, this is what freaking out looks like!" Helen marches in, asking, "Did you tell my daughter that she has no academic future?" Price sighs, and says, "Mrs. Girardi, if you would like to make an appointment --" Helen: "Did you use the words, while speaking to my daughter, 'no future'?" Actually, I don't think he did use those exact words, though he might as well have. Price says Joan was paraphrasing. Helen: "Well, paraphrase this: I'm in no mood for you and your soul-destroying tactics right now. My entire family is being deposed in a lawsuit, I'm behind in my work, and I have to feed my husband's horrible boss tonight, so just cut the crap, and account for yourself! Did you tell my daughter that she has no future?" Price: "I see her options as limited." Helen: "See, I get that you are disappointed in your own life -- I don't blame you -- but this girl hasn't abandoned her dreams yet." Well, true enough, I suppose, given that Joan doesn't seem to have the first clue what they are. "And so, to try to steal that from her, to try to rob someone of their future…I'm pretty sure you go to hell for that." Helen nods with conviction, adding, "Tell her you were wrong." Price doesn't exactly fall all over himself to repent, so Helen comes a step closer, and practically growls through gritted teeth: "Tell her." Helen turns to look at Joan while Price says, "I might have overstated." Joan just nods. Helen turns back to Price, smiles sweetly, and says "Thank you." She hustles out. Joan pauses a moment, and then follows her mother with a huffy flip of her hair at her vice-principal. Price sends out a search party for his nutsack.
Out in the hall, Joan runs to catch up with her mother: "Mom! That was awesome!" Helen stops short: "You: study harder, get your act together -- you are going to college, because there will be no more casualties in this family." She marches off down the hall. Joan stands there, looking around. She suddenly sees QDftSG looking at her through the glass of the administrators' offices. He slouches and makes a sad face, and then straightens up in a pantomime of his advice to Joan. Joan just makes a fist -- and a bit of a face -- at him, and then opens her fist, keeping her hand in the air as she walks away. It's another twist on the Godwave.
Helen's putting some food on the kitchen table when Will and Lucyfer arrive. Helen doesn't say anything, not even "hello." Will walks toward the kitchen, saying something smells good. Sipping some wine, Helen says, "Any more garlic, the paint would peel!" As they get to the kitchen, Will says, "Lucy[fer] Preston, my boss. Helen Girardi, my other boss." He kisses Helen as she says, "Oh, that line never gets old." Will, oblivious: "Never does." Lucyfer shakes Helen's hand and offers a bottle of wine. Helen says she didn't have to. Will offers to get Lucyfer a glass of the wine. Lucyfer says, "Uh, actually, Scotch if it's going." Will takes her coat: "Oh, it's going." Helen says, "I hope this resembles food; I've been dealing with a deposition, and I had to yell at the vice-principal today." Lucy makes herself at home instantly, popping something in her mouth from the cutting board, and tossing her blazer on a nearby chair: "I told Will cooking is unnecessary. I could have picked up a bucket of chicken on the way." Helen claims she's happy to do it. She notes the casual toss of the blazer but doesn't comment. I like how Will's disappeared, here. Lucyfer offers to chop something; Helen gives her tomatoes to slice.
Helen looks at her, wondering what conversational gambit to try. Lucyfer brings up her favourite topic: "So Will's quite a guy. No way could I do this job without him." Frink: "Not the line to start with. Helen's got a knife, there." Helen doesn't say anything. Helen, by the way, is wearing an orange V-neck sweater over a T-shirt of the same colour, and Lucyfer's wearing an orangey-red V-neck sweater. They're both wearing gold necklaces. Lucyfer tries another tack: "This lawsuit thing you're going through, man, that's…that's ridiculous." Helen still doesn't say anything. Wow. There is no way that in Helen's shoes at this moment that I could bring myself to be quite this difficult and rude -- and believe me, I know from "difficult" and "rude." But come on -- this is a guest in your home, trying to be nice and make conversation, and given that she doesn't actually know for a fact that Lucyfer's after Will, I really think she's got no call for this behaviour. Throw her a bone, already. Also, I don't understand this strategy. If I were Helen, I would be trying to be as gorgeous, gracious, and gourmet-riffic as all get-out. And she's got home turf advantage. What else does she want? Lucyfer gets more desperate: "Will says you're religious. That must come in handy." Still nothing but a small, stiff smile from Helen. Lucyfer: "I was raised Southern Baptist, but, uh…now I'm just pissed that God dun't [sic] exist." Finally Helen speaks, saying sharply, "I think that's enough." Lucyfer looks up, and I can't tell if she's more surprised at what Helen said, or the fact that she finally spoke. Helen elaborates: "Tomatoes." Lucy stops slicing and wipes her hands. She looks around -- probably more for the drink Will's supposed to be bringing her than Will himself. Man. I wouldn't have thought Helen could be enough of a bitch to make me feel sorry for Lucyfer. Thanks for nothing, Helen. I feel like the Helen/Will/Lucyfer story is supposed to parallel either the Joan/Adam/Judith story or the Joan/Adam/Iris, story but I can't decide which one. Also: haven't we had enough of the one guy, two women stories? Along with the three I've just mentioned, last year there was Luke/Grace/Glynis and Kevin/Rebecca/Michelle. I'm probably forgetting some. Hello? That's enough. The time there's a triangle involving two women, they'd better be interested in each other.
Joan's giving her deposition, saying they'd all gone to Kevin's game ("we won") and that some guy named Richard Gould flirted with her. She says she and Luke watched TV when they got home and the doorbell rang.
Cut back to that night; Helen is screaming and Will comes running: "What? What is it?" Now that was a much better, much more convincing cry of pain. He sees the cops at the door and Helen collapsing against the wall. Will embraces her and the camera lurches around, and we see Joan and Luke standing there, looking horrified and stunned, respectively.
Joan narrates over the family's drive to the hospital, saying it seemed really long: "I remember thinking, this is the moment when my whole life changes. It's like everything before this, and everything after. I remember praying, but I don't know who I was praying to. I didn't believe in God. I was bargaining, telling him all the things I'd do if he let Kevin live. Then I looked at my brother Luke. He was counting on his fingers. You have to understand: he's a math genius, and he was counting on his fingers. That's how screwed up he was. But I didn't feel sorry for him. I wanted to kill him, because I knew he was counting the days until his stupid birthday. He'd been talking about this dumb kite, like that was something to get excited about."
The court reporter interrupts to clarify something: "He wanted a what for his birthday?" Joan: "A kite." Court Reporter: "And his birthday was when?" Joan says it's ten days after Kevin's accident: November 19. Joan looks up at the stenographer, and she just looks back at Joan exactly the way Mrs. LandingGod does. I like it when the avatars are able to convincingly replicate certain expressions, moods, and gestures of other avatars. The lawyers are just lost in their notes or maybe time stops, or something, because they take absolutely no notice of what follows. Joan looks at the court reporter and says, "Oh, my God." Court Reporter God just keeps smiling meaningfully at Joan, who realizes, "You weren't talking about the present. You were talking about…the present." Joan glances quickly at the lawyers, but they are absorbed in their notes, and totally oblivious. Joan: "Unless it was both. I bet you it was both, because that's what you do…" Court Reporter just keeps smiling; she doesn't confirm or deny anything with her expression, but she turns back to her machine and announces, "I'm back on the record." Kroner turns to Joan, who's almost imperceptibly sneering in God's general direction. He kind of gives her a look, and she slouches down in her seat.
In the Girardi dining room, Helen says they should go ahead and eat: "The kids are scattered all over the place. No telling when they'll be home." Will asks where they are. Helen says Joan had her deposition after school, and Kevin was going to be deposed after work. Lucyfer: "Oh, these kids today and their depositions." Heh. Helen's not amused. I'm half-hoping Lucyfer gets shit-faced on Scotch. I imagine she's a real pistol when she's drunk. Will gives Helen a nervous look. Just then they hear someone come in the kitchen door; Helen says it must be Luke. Will calls out, "Just in time, buddy!" Luke comes around the doorway, with Grace standing almost shyly behind him. Helen: "Hey! Oh, Luke, you brought Grace." Grace's hair is very, very straight and shiny and neat. I think she's wearing a little bit of makeup, but I also think she's been wearing it in more scenes and didn't just put some on for this. Helen introduces Lucyfer to Luke and "his friend" Grace. Grace quickly interjects, "Study partner." Luke's crestfallen: "That's not lasagna." Will, oblivious: "Nope, Mom's leg of lamb. Grab a seat!" He starts dishing up salad. Luke looks at Grace, and then walks out, saying, "I'm not hungry." Grace stands there, watching him go, and finally says, "We have a lot of work to do, so…" Though I don't think I've ever heard her voice like it was when she said that: sweet, weak, almost fragile; all the stridency and power gone out of it. Will tells Lucyfer, "And he's the easy one." He smiles as he piles salad on her plate. A glance at Helen's sour face wipes the smile off his puss, though.
Kevin's turn in the deposition room. He tells them he was fighting with his girlfriend, and that's why he left the party. He admits he ducked out on her while she was in the bathroom. The other lawyer asks if he'd been drinking. Kevin says he was, a little: "I'd had a beer. I wasn't much of a drinker." Then he's asked if Andy had been drinking. Kevin says yes, but he doesn't know how much. "To your knowledge, was Andy drunk when you left?" As Kevin considers that, the camera drifts down to his feet under the table.
Cut to his feet and Andy's walking out of the party; Andy's drinking and complaining, "I was about to make a move on DeeDee Carter. You owe me large." Kevin: "Hey, let's go to Webster's. He's always got a college girl." Just then Beth comes out of the house after them, saying, "Kevin! Don't you dare walk out on me! Hey!" He and Andy just keep going. She finally gets him to stop and asks, "What kind of a guy walks away from a girl, huh?" Kevin says she's mad: "We'll talk about it when you've calmed down." Beth tells him if he leaves now, it's over: "Hey, isn't it enough that you cheated on me?" Kevin reminds her they're not married. Beth says she trusted him and loved him: "That doesn't matter at all to you?" Kevin says he'll talk to her tomorrow. He walks off as she says she's not going to be here tomorrow. Andy throws his arm around Kevin, claiming, "They always say that, man." Kevin: "I know." As they approach the car, Kevin asks for the keys. Andy stumbles drunkenly and lurches toward the car. Kevin says, "I only had one beer." Andy protests that it's his dad's car, and Kevin's not insured to drive it: "He'd kill me, man. Besides, I'm fine." Kevin: "Hey, Andy. Keys. Come on." Andy: "Kevin, if you say 'keys' one more time, I swear to God, I'm going to buy you a sundress." Andy laughs it up, as do a few guys nearby. Beth's still standing in the distance, watching. Andy: "Kevin, buddy, trust me." Andy tosses the keys in the air.
Luke and Grace are in the Girardi garage. They're just sitting there, not saying anything. The Piano Music of Poor, Overlooked Youngest Child plays. Grace seems to be considering the previously unrealized fact that she might not be the only one with family problems. She doesn't seem to know what to say, but at least she knows not to say the kind of useless crap that makes things worse. The door opens and Joan comes in: "Huh. So Luke and Grace really are in the garage. I thought Mom was having a mini-stroke. What are you doing in here?" Grace: "Studying." Joan sizes them up: "No…you're not studying." Grace must think it'll be five more seconds before Joan leaps to the right conclusion, but she overestimates Joan's cluefulness. Joan says to her brother, "You're pouting because everybody forgot your birthday." Luke: "Wouldn't you?" Oh lord, can you imagine the wailing and rending of garments if Joan's birthday were forgotten? Joan: "Yeah, but…it's the deposition." Luke: "Oh, so it's all about Kevin again? That makes it okay?" Joan: "Dude! Just take it easy on them, okay? When they remember, they'll feel so guilty, they'll buy you a car." That doesn't cut much ice with Luke. Joan pulls something out from behind her back: it's the stunt kite Luke wanted. She smiles: "Didn't have time to wrap it." Luke comes over to take it from her and look at it. He looks at it for a while and finally says in a quiet voice, "The kite." And here come the waterworks. I can count on one hand the number of episodes of this show I've gotten through without crying. Joan looks kind of anxious. Luke sniffles, saying, "I never got it." Joan: "Yeah, well. It's only a few years late. Sue me." He gives her a broad smile. Grace pipes up: "I got you something, too." She walks over and pulls out a piece of paper. Oh, my God. I wasn't expecting that. She opens it up and shows it to him, and he says, "Our secrecy contract." The camera's only on them now, and we can't see Joan. I am freaking out. Grace rips it up. Luke is too stunned to speak. Grace puts her hand his neck and leans over and kisses him. Frink and I are plotzing: "Show Joan! Show Joan's face! Aaagh!" The camera angle switches so it's behind them, and when they separate, Joan's expression is priceless. She's not as all-out surprised as I would have expected; I was counting on open-mouthed dumsquizzlement mixed with sisterly horror. Instead, it's more like…bemused alarm. Luke and Grace both turn to Joan at the same time to take in her reaction. Her expression doesn't change at all as her eyes shift from Luke to Grace.
Will and Helen are getting into bed. Will, master of sensitivity, asks, "Did you like her?" Oy. How many years have you been married to this woman? Can you really not read her even when she's being openly hostile? Helen: "Like her? Will…she's me." Will: "She's you?" Helen: "Yeah. If I were shorter or political and…didn't have, you know, a soul." Will says he can't believe she's threatened by "this woman." Helen says she's not threatened by her. Actually, I'd look into being threatened if I were you, Helen. Word to the wise. As Helen starts looking at the newspaper, she says she just doesn't understand why he tells Lucyfer everything about them. Will denies doing that: "She's my boss. We talk." Helen suddenly says, "Oh, my God." I figure she's just noticed today's date on the newspaper.
Outside, Luke's running around, trying to get his brightly coloured stunt kite in the air. Joan and Grace duck as he darts around, struggling to get it aloft. Not a very windy night, so it's sort of a Charlie Brown birthday, here. As the three of them are trying to figure it out, Luke notices his parents coming out of the house, Helen buttoning her red coat over her pyjamas. Grace and Joan giggle as they throw the kite in the air in futility. Luke walks over to his parents and says, "It's okay," before they can say anything. Helen: "It's not. It's just not." Will says it's his fault. Luke says it doesn't matter, and he appears to really mean it. Helen: "Sweetheart, it does…" Luke: "Okay, it does, but…you know…things came out of it that I didn't see coming. And I'm really happy now. 'Cause, you know…we're all here. And Grace is here. And Joan remembered. And Kevin is okay. And I'm gonna have a lot of birthdays. Besides…now you guys have to buy me a car." His parents laugh and give him a hug, wishing him happy birthday. Dude is so not getting a car, but he sure as hell deserves one. Joan calls out, "Hey, come on, SquarePants. Let's get this thing in the air." Luke runs to try again.
Cut to the kite shimmying fiercely. Luke's got it aloft and manages to steer it by manipulating the strings vigorously. Patty Griffin's pretty "Kite Song" begins to play as an overhead shot shows us the five of them standing on the ground as a CGI version of the kite glides above them. "The Sunday after there was laughter in the air / Everybody had a kite / They were flying everywhere / And all the trouble went away / And it wasn't just a dream / All the trouble went away / And it wasn't just a dream." There are shots of Grace and Luke and Joan looking up at the kite with wonder and delight, and then a shot of kite flying around against the dark sky, briefly obscuring the moon in its looping path. "In the middle of the night / We try and try with all our mights [sic] / To light a little light down here / In the middle of the night / We keep sending little kites / Until a little light gets through."
Suddenly the kite disappears from the sky and in its place, Andy's keys fly through the air and come rushing back down. Andy doesn't catch them; he laughs and picks them up off the pavement. As he grabs them, you can see underneath the car to Kevin's feet standing on the passenger side. Kevin glances back at Beth one last time. He seems mildly troubled by her hurt expression, but he turns away nonetheless, leaving her in tears, and gets into Andy's passenger seat. The scene fades out on Kevin's feet, moving on their own for the last time ever.