Joan and Grace are walking through an alley in what looks like a fairly poor and rough neighbourhood. There's lots of garbage strewn around, lots of graffiti on the walls, and there are homeless people wandering around or hanging out on discarded furniture. It's so cute how they're both wearing those long scarves. They're taking turns kicking a paper cup. Grace is also playing with a yo-yo. In the background I can see a streetcar go by. Joan's complaining: "Remember when we were just losers...subdefectives with no hope of friends or a social life?" Grace: "Something change that I don't know about?" Joan: "Yeah. Adam's all 'oooh!' about Iris. And Luke, who I can always count on to be more pathetic than me, has hooked up with Glynis, shining a big spotlight on what a total washout I am! If I was a Viking they'd put me on a flaming raft and send me out to sea." Grace: "You did the history reading!" Joan says that illustrates how desperate she is. Grace: "That thing with Rove is not gonna last." Joan sneers, "No? Why, are his lips going to fall off from making out too much?" Grace relents: "I was trying to be positive. It's not me. Rove and Iris are perfect for each other. They'll probably have a houseful of emotionally damaged babies by senior year." God forbid. Joan: "So where do I fit in?" Grace: "You don't. Isn't that how this whole conversation got started?" They come across a guy singing badly, and playing his acoustic guitar equally badly. Mind you, he's better than most of what you see on American Idol. Hell, if I played an oboe out of my ass, I'd be better than most of what you see on American Idol. Grace: "Why do I always want to punch street performers?" Because that's the natural, healthy reaction to attention whores. Joan posits that it's "clown trauma." Also a good explanation.
Anyway, the guy's singing "One of Us," which just made me howl with laughter. Self-referential silliness is always good. Grace: "Why are we stopping? We should be fleeing in horror. It's bad enough we had to come all the way downtown to the library to research Viking footwear." Viking footwear? Joan: "I kinda like this song..." Hee. He sings, "Just a slob like one of us..." as Grace tells Joan she's not hanging around for this, no matter what kind of breakdown Joan's having. Joan tells her she'll catch up with her. As Grace walks past the guy, she says, "You suck, dude." He shrugs and turns to Joan, singing as walks toward her: "'I said, yeah, yeah, God is great / I said, yeah, yeah, God is good / I said, yeah, yeah...'" I am just laughing my ass off. Joan grabs the strings and says, "That was really humiliating. God should know how to carry a tune!" God Marley (tm Professor Frink) says, "You seem awfully high-strung these days, Joan." Gotta love a paranomastic deity. "You need to lighten up, baby!" She begs him not to play another song. God Marley wants her to learn how to jump rope. She says she knows how and that she did it when she was little. God Marley: "Yeah, and didn't you enjoy it? The freedom, the joy, man. That perfect synchronicity between jumper and rope." He glances over to where some girls are skipping double Dutch and chanting to the girl jumping, "Casper, Casper, why you bugging / Your daddy's gone and you're left jumping / Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! / Mama, Mama, took me to the park / Sun went down and it got dark..." Joan says, "You're kidding me, right?" God Marley starts singing "One of Us" again and walks off as Joan says, "Grace was right. You do suck." He does the Godwave as he rocks off. He's pretty cute, actually. They'd better bring him back. Joan glances back at the girls jumping rope. The girl jumping is really good; she can lift her foot and touch it while skipping. Joan looks like she's really relishing this assignment.
After the credits and commercials, Joan walks over to the girls who are jumping rope. They're a lot more "street" than she is, and you can feel her nervousness. She stands to the girl who's jumping -- Casper (Erica Hubbard) -- until she takes note of Joan and stops, messing up the ropes. Casper comes over and asks, "What are you looking at?" Joan: "Uh, you. Um, that was amazing. How do you -- how do you do that?" Casper sneers, "You think I look like some kind of teacher?" Joan does not. She just would like to try. Casper informs her, "You need skillz to jump with this crew." Joan: "Oh, I got skillz. I got mad skillz. Well, not mad. More like loopy, loopy." Something makes Casper relent and give her a chance: "Yo, Maliya, Nikki. Give girlfriend here a turn." I'm sure she expects Joan to make a fool of herself. Joan prepares to jump in, and asks them to slow it down a bit: "I'm a little rusty." They smile, but don't comply. Joan keeps hesitating, and Casper says, "You said you wanted to jump. Jump!" She pushes Joan into the ropes. Of course Joan gets all tangled up, and the girls laugh at her. Casper laughs, "You said you had skillz! You lied!" Joan says Casper pushed her. Casper: "Buh-bye!" Joan picks her stuff up and stands off to one side as Casper goes back to jumping, the girls singing, "Casper, Casper, why you buggin'?" She replies, "Snow White tried to jump with me!" Then: "Casper, Casper, where'd she go?" Casper jumps madly as she replies, "Home 'cause the sad girl hit the flo'!" Joan looks more unhappy than angry.
At the police station, Toni mentions to Will that she's off on a case. Will's carrying around a file box, and says he's spent three weeks on desk duty reviewing cold cases: "I could use a fresh taste." She opens a binder and shows him a forensic photo of a fifty-three-year-old male homicide victim named Charles Timmins. He was killed with a single shot to the back of his head, and his house had been robbed: "No forced entry, no prints, no witnesses." Will asks if he was mixed up in anything. From what Toni says, it sounds like he was a saint. Will jokes that it's always the quiet ones you have to worry about, and asks if she wants to trade: "You work these dead ends, I'll take that one?" A slightly scruffy, slightly nebbishy guy in a suit who happens to be descending the stairs beside them at that moment says, "Soon, Will." Will: "Oh, Doc. You making house calls now?" He explains he had a psych consult at the jail and just thought he'd check in. Toni starts to leave, and Will says, "Maybe you should wait -- I might be getting my gun back." Toni and the doctor exchange glances, and Toni says, "We'll grab some lunch later." She takes off. Will tells the doctor, as they walk into an office, that he appreciates his help: "I needed it. But now I need to get back out there." The doc says he knows: "Look, we had a deal. Now, Thursday is Bring Your Kid to Work Day and you haven't signed up yet." When did Take Your Daughters to Work Day become Take Your Kid to Work Day? I think I missed that memo. Will: "You think I want my kids to see me shuffling papers?" Uh, you'd rather they see you kill someone? "I'm a cop, Henry. If I had my piece back I could work the field." Dr. Henry reminds him he's going through post-traumatic stress and it's nothing to be ashamed of: "And being able to let your family go through that with you -- even the kids -- it's the best medicine." He starts to leave. Will: "So this is a test, right?" Frink: "What isn't?" Will adds, "To see how solid I am?" Dr. Henry: "You pulled your gun on a four-year-old. You wanna go back out on the street worried that you could melt down again?" Will has nothing to say to that.
Grace is sitting on the floor in the hallway at school (with Lawrence Block's mystery, Hit List, which seems like an appropriate title for Grace, though I didn't picture her for a mystery fan) when Joan comes along: "Hey, what happened? Where you been?" Joan: "Remember before, how I said I hit bottom? Yeah...there was further to go." Grace laughs: "Cool." Joan: "I just wanted to learn how to jump rope, and these girls in the park, they, they totally dissed me, they shoved me..." Grace: "Whoa...'jump rope'? 'Jump rope'?" Joan impatiently says, "Yes, it was something I have to do, it's very important." Grace: "Why?" Joan: "How am I supposed to know?" Grace screws up her face in puzzlement. Just then Adam comes down the hall with that barnacle (tm girasol) Iris giggling on his arm. Joan sighs, "And still, I fall." She goes to her locker as Adam greets them (calling Joan "Jane") and shows them a mass of metal and wire and plastic, asking, "What do you think? I made it for your mom's class." Iris: "It's awesome, right? A is so talented." Joan: "'A'? You're calling him 'A' now?" Iris asks if that's a problem. Joan: "No. No, it's...cute." Adam thinks Helen's going to be blown away. Joan nods. Iris: "Uh, we'd better get going, A." They amble off. Joan gripes to Grace: "'A'? Isn't that just...wrong?" It's about nine kinds of wrong. I'm trying not to lunge for Iris's throat. Grace, watching them: "He's not that into her. Trust me. He's hot for someone else." Joan: "Who?" Grace: "Your mom. Sorry, dude." Heh. So we're not the only ones who wonder about that. She takes off, too.
Just then, Glynis and Luke glide by, kissing. She's a barnacle, too, though at least I think she has the potential to be an interesting and worthwhile character, unlike Iris. Okay, maybe "interesting" and "worthwhile" are pushing it. How about "amusing"? Joan grouses, "Give it a rest, horndog!" She starts walking the other way; as she passes someone in a football shirt and a large eagle head, he asks, "You enjoy yourself this morning, Joan?" Joan: "Bite me, Big Bird! You almost got me killed!" Mascot God puts his beak up, revealing his face, and says she seems fine to him. Joan: "Do you hate me or something?" Mascot God: "Me? Hey, I'm all about love." Joan: "Yeah, I can see. Glynis and Luke, Adam and Iris, Adam and my mom...you are seriously twisted." Hey, look around, Joan. Maybe it's supposed to be "Grace and Joan." Just saying. Mascot God: "You're feeling alone. You envy their connections." Joan: "Oh, and you have to be God to figure that out?" Putting his beak back down, he orders her back to the park. Joan: "Wait, wait, wait -- back to the psycho?" She really does have the teenage talent for hyperbole down pat. "The one throwing out the seriously bad juju?" Mascot God: "I asked you to jump. All you've done so far is fall. Go back and jump, Joan." When he talks with the bird head totally concealing his face, I get this vague Egyptian bird-god vibe. Isn't it about time for Joan to have some encounters with animism, or nontheism, or polytheism, or something? Joan calls out down the hall, "Well, if you don't want me to feel so alone, then give me a boyfriend!" Of course, everyone stops to stare at her. They must be getting used to weird behaviour from her by now, though.
Adam proudly displays his art piece for Helen in class. Helen comments: "Interesting...it's a naïve piece..." Adam doesn't care for that: "Naïve?" Helen: "Like folk art. It's...oh, it's a turtle! You...you're showing how you withdraw to protect yourself from the world." Adam shakes his head slightly, saying, "It's a catalytic converter and an exhaust pipe." Helen's still trying to apply some kind of interpretation to the piece that will connect it to the actual assignment: "You see yourself as a catalytic converter. You're showing how you convert your personality into...what? Help me out here, Adam. I assigned a self-portrait. How is this you?" Adam: "It's not." Helen: "You didn't do the assignment?" Iris smiles and helpfully interjects, "He went in a different direction." Who asked you? What are you, his agent? Shut up, "I." Adam: "I have to do what I feel." Helen says they'll talk about it after class. She moves on, but Adam asks, "Why? I thought this class was about sharing our thoughts, being honest." Helen shrugs slightly and says, "Okay. You are very talented, Adam, but you're coasting. There's no...feeling in this. I assigned a self-portrait because I wanted you to think introspectively. You avoided that challenge." Embarrassed, Adam sits down. She continues, "This class is about discovery, getting in touch with who you are. Real art...it takes risks, it creates a dialogue. Do the assignment, Adam. Take a risk." He looks slightly hurt. Spunky Booster looks at him, concerned for her boyfriend's fragile artistic soul.
Back to the park, which is really more of an concrete playground than what I would call a park. Joan approaches the girls again, and Casper stops jumping: "Snow White's back. Better check yourself, yo." Joan says she just wants a chance to jump. Casper: "So why don't you find someone your own speed at the playground?" Joan: "With you." The girl I've decided is Maliya says, "Someone wake this little sister up -- she's dreaming." They all laugh. Casper tells her friends to start turning the rope for her again -- but before she can jump in, Joan does, and manages to keep going. I've read that Amber Tamblyn learned to jump just for this episode. Pretty quick study. I'm sure she never knows what skill she's going to have to master -- or convincingly fake -- . Casper looks dismayed to see that girlfriend actually does have some skillz. Joan misses a jump and stops. With that broad smile she always has whenever she does something that surprises herself, she says, "That was amazing! It was like being in an eggbeater." She laughs. But Casper's pissed, and gets up in Joan's grill: "I said no. You don't belong here." Nikki says, "Chill, Casper. She hung on. She's all right." Maliya also tells her to chill. Casper tells them, "Double it up." To Joan: "Don't get me tied in these ropes -- I won't like that." Casper jumps in and after a moment tells Joan, "I'm waiting." Joan manages to jump in and keep up with Casper, who tells her, "Don't look at my feet. Look at my eyes! Link eyes!" Joan does. Casper: "One foot!" Joan complies. Nikki: "Go, Snow White!" They stop jumping and Casper bangs fists with Joan, with only a slight grudge. Maliya tells Casper she'll see her tomorrow. Joan doesn't understand why they're stopping. There's a siren in the background as Casper explains that the cops shut down the park at sunset. Nikki asks Casper, "You fixed for food?" Casper: "Always!" Nikki and Maliya exchange looks as they wander off. Joan says, "You can eat at my house." Casper: "You think we [sic] friends now, Princess? You think we got something in common?" Joan: "Well, we did when we were jumping. It's like we were the same person in there. Come on, my mom always makes way too much food anyway. Come on." Casper doesn't argue, but lets herself be dragged along. She must be pretty hungry.
Rebecca is telling Kevin about someone named Michelle Turner: "A violinist who developed musical therapy for autistic kids." It's music therapy, not musical therapy. There are a whole lotta pissed-off music therapists out there now. Okay, well, at least two that I know of. Rebecca hands Kevin the book Turner wrote. She wants Kevin to write a profile of her, explaining that a profile is more personal than an interview: "We'll get to know her through your eyes." Kevin: "Which begs the question: why would anybody care about my eyes?" Rebecca: "She's been working with disabled kids for years. You'll be able to add a perspective nobody else can." Kevin: "You're not giving this assignment to me because we're..." He puts his hand on hers, adding, "You know?" Rebecca says she's not. Frink and I are just flipping out that, despite how incredibly careless and overt they are, there seems to be no reaction whatsoever in this newsroom. In any workplace that would be weird. In a room full of journalists, it seems downright wacky. Rebecca adds, "Not that it hurts...but no." Kevin laughs, holding onto her hand as she goes.
As Helen prepares dinner, she talks to Joan and Casper. She says she doesn't think she's seen Casper at school: "Do you go to Southside?" Casper says she does. Joan tells her she's lucky: "You could have my mom for art." Joan adds, "By the way, Mom, whatever you did to Adam today, he's, like, totally catatonic, so I hope that's what you were going for." Helen says her teaching methods aren't open for discussion, and asks Casper where she met Joan. Joan explains that they met jumping rope: "Casper's teaching me. It should totally, like, be an Olympic event. It's much cooler than twirling those ribbons. What's up with that?" Casper smiles shyly and shrugs. Will arrives home: "I smell garlic!" Joan warns him, "Before you launch into the embarrassing lecture on the health benefits of garlic, this is my friend Casper and she doesn't care." Will walks over to Casper: "Nice to meet you. It is a natural antibiotic, you know." Casper: "It also lowers blood pressure." Will: "I love this kid!" Will asks Joan about participating in Drag Your Kid to Work Day, but she quickly replies, "No can do. I already get enough parental bonding with Mom. Besides, Casper and I jump after school." Doesn't this take place during the actual work day, not after school? Will: "'Jump'?" Helen: "Rope." Joan says she can't explain: "I just have to, okay?" Luke wanders in, and Joan says, "Ask Romeo." Will: "Romeo?" Luke: "It's a crude attempt at irony. Ask me what?" Joan: "Dad's gotta take a kid to work. Kevin's got a job, I have a life -- you're option C." Will says that's not it at all, even though it obviously is: "I just thought that...you'd be bored hanging out with a bunch of cops." And Joan wouldn't? Luke thinks it sounds cool. Will, having taken off his jacket, puts his badge on the counter and asks Helen if he can help with dinner. Casper notices the badge and freaks: "I just remembered -- I have to run." Helen says they're eating in two minutes. Casper says she has homework. Will, not one to miss an opportunity to preach the gospel according to Allium sativum, informs her, "You know, garlic helps increase the blood flow to the brain." She tells Joan, "See you in the park, yo," and takes off. The Girardis are all puzzled, but Joan seems more concerned than puzzled.
The day, Joan goes back to the park where the girls are jumping rope. When Casper sees her, she comments to a girl quietly, "Watch out for her, yo. Her pops is 5-0." Joan asks Casper, "What's up with you? We were all hanging out having a good time and then you jet like some freak show." Another girl comes up and says, "Who do you think you are, girl? Better step off!" Casper tells her, "It's cool. Keep jumping." Casper pulls Joan aside and says, "I had to go, a'ight? Chill!" Joan: "Chill? Are you in some kind of trouble?" Casper says she's not, but that it was a mistake for her to go to Joan's house: "Let's just roll back the clock. You go back to your life, and I'll go back to mine." Joan: "Wait -- here I'm like some embarrassment because you have to keep it real with your homies?" Casper: "You think I'm frontin'? Okay, Princess, why don't you come to my house for dinner?" She pulls some kind of laminated card out of her pocket and shows it to Joan, who looks at it and asks, "A shelter?" Casper: "Yeah. I keep it so real that I sleep there every night. Me and my fifty crazy-ass homies." She snatches the card back. Joan asks about her family. Casper says her mother took off when she was nine, and her dad's "upstate" looking for work (though apparently nobody in Maryland uses the word "upstate" to describe anything). Maybe he's in Pennsylvania. Anyway, Snow White's pretty shocked: "Casper...you're my age...I mean...you can't live in a shelter." Well, what are her choices, exactly? Casper doesn't say anything. Joan figures out that she doesn't go to school at all. Casper asks bitterly: "What are they gonna teach me?" She walks off. Joan grabs her arm and says she can talk to her dad. Casper: "The cop?" Joan says he can help. Casper: "Why do you think I took off? He'd call Children's Services and they'd toss me in a group home." Joan tries to argue, but Casper tells her, "Look, if you want to help me, just stop coming down here. Go back to your castle, Princess." She turns haughtily and jumps back into the ropes, during a nice little ditty about being robbed blind by twenty-four burglars.
The camera drifts across a poster for a book called The Sweetest Note by Michelle Turner, along with a table full of her books for signing. The author photo reveals that it's Andie. Then we see her and Kevin getting coffee, so it's obviously one of those bookstore/coffeehouse-type joints. Too bad it's not Sammy's store -- I would have liked seeing him again. It would be amusing to see Sammy and Kevin try to out-snark each other. I miss Sammy. Meredith Monroe's hair is red, not blonde, and I look at Frink to see if he recognizes her -- the last time we watched Dawson's Creek was the year Andie and Jack came on the show -- but he doesn't, really, so I tell him who it is. Anyway, she's telling Kevin that if it were not for her brother's autism, she wouldn't have realized how much her music could help someone. Kevin: "Well, maybe you could play me something and I'd start dancing." She laughs: "I'm good but I don't know if I'm that good." She says he's not what she expected. Kevin: "You thought I'd be taller, right?" She laughs. Someone sticks a book in her face to sign, and she complies. Kevin says he's got everything he needs. Michelle: "So, what now? I've got one night in Arcadia. What should I do?" Frink: "'Me.'" Kevin thinks for a second and advises her, "Check out Marvin's. Home of the garlic cheeseburger -- guaranteed to rock your world." Like father, like son. Michelle says that sounds like an offer she can't refuse. I didn't hear the "offer" part myself, but then, I'm not on a book tour and trawling for action. I think we'll call her "Randie." Kevin looks at her with a hesitant expression, trying to figure out how to respond, when she realizes: "Oh, that -- that wasn't an offer." Kevin shrugs, "No, I...I should start writing." Randie: "Well, uh...a man's gotta eat, right? Aren't you hungry?" There's an offer if I ever heard one. Kevin smiles: "I guess I could eat something."
Joan comes into the kitchen, where Luke's studying the contents of the fridge and Will appears to be paying bills at the table. She says that Helen's working late again and asks if they can order pizza. Will says it's already on the way, and then all three in unison say, "Extra garlic." Luke tells them to call him when it comes: "I want to finish this article about digital fingerprint filing." To Joan, pointing at their father: "He deals with some impressive technology." Will: "I'm the guy who can't work the remote, remember?" Luke makes a dismissive face to that and takes off. Joan, eating cereal from a box, says, "You know, one good thing about Mom's new job: never-ending junk food." Will, lost in bills, says absently: "You should support her, you know." Joan claims she's doing her best: "Can you imagine if Grandma was the Chief of Police? How would you be coping?" Will: "Well, I wouldn't have to go see a shrink. She'd just make me some manicotti and say, 'Everything a-gonna be okay.'" He pronounces manicotti "manigot" and puts an Italian lilt on the last four words. Joan asks softly, "How is everything." Will: "Better. Thanks. I never knew before...all the things you keep locked up." Joan nods: "Yeah." Will says his shrink says he'll be back in the field soon. Joan: "Well, that's good, yeah?" The pizza arrives, and Will hands Joan the money as she goes to the door.
She answers the door; the pizza guy is Fred Stoller, a total H!ITG!. She asks, "How much?" He says, "You got it pretty good here, don't you, Joan?" Joan snatches the pizza: "Don't you ever take a night off, watch TV?" He tells her she's right to worry about Casper. Joan: "Great. It's not like there's anything I can do to help." Pizza God says, "She's used to protecting herself. Connecting with you is something she can't trust. Find a way to let her know it's real." Joan wants to know how, when Casper keeps pushing her away. Pizza God: "Seventeen dollars." Joan: "That's right. Mr. Mysterious Ways doesn't give answers -- no, that would be too helpful." He gives her the change from a twenty and Joan starts to close the door. Pizza God: "No tip? I got it here in under thirty minutes." Joan sneers, "Aww...like that's hard for you." She closes the door and smiles, pleased with herself.
At Marvin's, Randie's telling Kevin that she was dating someone: "But, I don't really like being tied down. Otherwise, um...nights like this couldn't happen." Frink: "Dude, she's coming on to you." Me: "Dude, he's taken." Frink: "Dude, it's TV. He's going for it." Kevin nods and smirks a bit; Randie asks if he's actually blushing. Kevin: "I'm sorry. I'm -- I'm...confused. Are you really..." Randie: "Hitting on you?" Kevin nods. Randie: "It was kind of obvious, wasn't it?" Kevin: "I just...since the accident, there's only been one person." Randie: "Just one?" Kevin, always willing to entertain some BS from an attractive woman, nods and says, "Surprising, huh? Because I'm smart, and handsome...and modest..." They giggle over that. She gazes at him, moving in for the kill. He adds, "And I always get the best parking spots..." He leans forward to kiss her; then there's a little pause while their faces are about an inch apart and Kevin pulls his head back ever so slightly, vaguely remembering some woman named Rebecca, but that dissipates instantly and they start kissing.
Gym class. I'm overjoyed to see that the gym teacher is Diane Delano, one of the best H!ITG!s ever. She's an actor I love in just about everything but especially enjoyed in Northern Exposure. Since Barbara Hall worked on that show, I can't help but hope this is just the first in a series of appearances from alumni of that show. I especially think we should have John Corbett on the show, just 'cause he's hot, and I think Darren Burrows might be a good avatar. Anybody except Rob Morrow, really -- he bugs. No Anthony Michael Edwards, either, but that should go without saying. Even if it's not the beginning of such a trend, we should see at least as much of this teacher as we do of Lischak. Snow White is in the class, as are six of her seven dwarves: Geeky (Luke), Twitchy (Glynis), Creepy (Friedman), Grumpy (Grace), Schmoopy (Iris), and Artsy (Adam). Schmoopy has her hair in two ponytails above her ears. If only Kevin were here, he could be Snarky. Or maybe Smarmy, depending.
Anyway, the gym teacher, whose name is Coach Keady, is standing to Friedman, holding a medicine ball. She says, "Upper body strength: it's the key to fitness, and dating." She pushes the ball at Friedman; it knocks him over. Heh. Cheap, but who doesn't love it? "So toss that ball like your life really depends on it, 'cause it does." She wanders around while students prepare to start tossing the medicine ball. Grace asks Joan quietly, "She's homeless?" Friedman struggles to pick up the medicine ball and fails. He's the original ninety-pound weakling. If only Ramsay would come along and kick some sand in his face. Grace picks it up as Joan says that Casper sleeps in a shelter with really creepy people, and hangs out in the park all day because she has nothing else to do: "I have to do something!" Grace tosses the medicine ball to Glynis -- who manages it slightly better than Friedman did, but not much -- as she warns Friedman, "Look at my butt, Friedman, one more time. I dare you!" Friedman: "You wish, Marge." Glynis flings the ball sideways at Friedman, knocking him down yet again with another "Oof!" Yeah, I could watch that all night. Never gonna get old. Coach Keady, dry as a bone: "No lying down, Mr. Friedman. All right, people, let's break up into pairs." I hope they paid Aaron Himelstein extra to appear with those legs in those gym shorts. Glynis and her medicine ball hustle over to Luke: "School will be like a wasteland with you gone for a whole day." They start to kiss, but Keady's right up in their grills with a clearing of the throat. As they toss the ball back and forth, Grace suggests that Joan steal a utility bill so she can enroll in school: "Then she's off the streets...gets free food...can play with the medicine ball." I would add "doesn't have to listen to God Marley" to that list. Joan seems skeptical: "I thought you weren't interested in anyone but yourself." Grace: "This isn't about her. It's political. We're subverting the system, dude."
It's night, and Joan's downtown in Casper's rough neighbourhood. I'll bet her parents wouldn't be too jazzed to know where she is right now. As they walk past some homeless people warming their hands over a fire in a garbage can, Joan's giving Casper a spiel about her plan: "You'll be off the streets. No cops will hassle you. You'll get breakfast and lunch -- it kind of tastes like rubber, but..." They get breakfast and lunch? Paid for? Huh. Casper says, "School sucks." Joan: "Hey! Normally you'd be preaching to the choir. Look around you. Do you want to be hanging out with these people, or kids your own age, kids like you?" Casper, doubtfully: "There are kids like me that go to your school?" Joan: "Casper, look, I know that it's hard for you to trust that someone like me isn't just doing some lame community service thing here, but you have to know that I'm really here for you. I -- look! I stole this gas bill and everything." Casper's expression is negative. Joan: "I'm looking at hard time for this!" Casper sort of smiles and says, "I can't. I have to be here when my dad comes back." Joan: "Casper...do you really even have a dad?" Casper looks slightly hurt, but also as if she understands why Joan would ask, and pulls out an old picture (too old, maybe -- it's got a narrow white border around it, and I kind of thought those were phased out in the 1970s) and shows it to Joan. It's a picture of a man with a little girl on his lap. Joan: "He looks nice." Casper says, eyes on the picture, "This was our apartment. We had a regular life before he got sick. I had to take care of him. There wasn't anyone else to. But he's gonna take care of us again. It's just hard starting over." Joan: "Wouldn't he want you to be in school?" Casper says nothing; she just looks down. Joan hands Casper a duffle bag, saying she brought her some clothes. Now that's the sort of observation and thought that God has been trying to instill in Joan. Casper's been wearing the same thing every time Joan's seen her. Obviously, she doesn't have much, so it was sensitive of Joan to think of that. Joan insists no one will know that Casper lives in a shelter. Casper looks like she wants to believe Joan, who adds, "You'll be just another normal kid." Casper smiles. Joan: "Well, when I say 'normal,' I mean that you'll...you'll look like me. Not that that's exactly normal, but..." Heh. I wonder if she put any of her Dr. Who scarves in that bag. She continues, "It's the best that I can do." Casper takes the utility bill and looks at it, then says, "Let's go jump." Joan looks happy and excited, and they walk off.
Luke's at work with Will, who says, "This is where the magic happens." Luke: "Cool." Looking around Will's office, he asks if those are all cold cases. Will wonders how he knows about those. Luke says he asked his mother what he was working on. Will seems surprised to hear that. Luke can't believe there are so many unsolved cases. Will: "Ninety percent dead ends. I leaf through them on a wing and a prayer." He notices a colleague passing by and asks Luke, "Hey! Wanna see something cool?" The guy comes over and Will says, "Here's the real magician." The colleague, whose name is Reggie, says to Will, "Captain, my captain." To Luke: "You must be Luke. Your dad tells me that you're quite the scientist." Will: "Reggie runs the CSI lab -- things that spin and blink and whir. You'd be in heaven." Reggie says they just installed a new processor for DNA analysis: "It's killer." Luke: "An automated genetic analyzer? They use capillary electrophoresis, right?" Reggie looks at Will: "Are you sure he's your kid?" To Luke: "I mean, I can run your DNA." Will looks both pleased and embarrassed, and says that Luke gets his brains from his mother's side. He asks Luke, "Hey, you wanna check it out? It's like the Bat Cave down there." Luke definitely wants to, and walks off with Reggie. Will heads for his desk, and Luke asks, "Aren't you coming?" Will: "Aw, you guys are out of my league. All I'm doing is shuffling papers around here. Go. Enjoy yourself!" Luke does, but he looks disappointed. Will's oblivious to it, though.
Helen comes into her sunny classroom. Adam's waiting there, alone, with some huge piece under wraps. She smiles and greets him. He says, "I did my self-portrait, like you said...took my risk." Helen: "Terrific. Let's have a look." Adam pulls the tarp off his piece. It's a mixed media piece, with a colour copies of a picture of Helen and another one of Adam, in all different sizes, mounted here and there, torn into different shapes; some are just eyes. There are lots of pieces of metal mesh and thick brown rope enclosing the piece and the pictures of Adam. There are other bits and pieces of material projecting here and there. The overall feeling is of fragmentation, and there is also a aggressive, very confrontational feel to it. The photo of Helen happens to be one with a disapproving, judgmental, almost defiant expression. The image Adam chose of himself looks halfway between "forlorn" and "mug shot." Helen takes all this in, her face growing increasingly disturbed. Adam waits with an almost impudent expression. Helen asks softly, "What are you trying to say here?" Adam: "You wanted me to look inside myself -- so I did. That's what was there." Helen: "Okay. I'll mark the assignment complete. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do." Adam looks slightly hurt, but also slightly angry that it didn't provoke the response he was hoping for. He walks out. Helen looks ill.
Gym class. To Joan's surprise, Coach Keady introduces Karen Casper: "Before I elevate your heart rates to...something approaching healthy, I want you all to welcome her." She goes off to get Casper a uniform, and Joan walks up to say hi: "So, uh, are gym clothes as lame as you remember?" Casper nods. Friedman comes up, with his hair fluffed around a blue visor worn sideways. Maybe I should have called him Dweeby instead of Creepy. He says to Casper, "Hey...Karen, was it? I just wanted to make sure you knew that if you needed any help finding the girls' locker room, that's something I can..." Joan puts her hand to her forehead. Grace: "This is Friedman. You can step on him. It's allowed." Just then, Glynis comes skipping gracelessly by, her bright yellow track pants tucked into blue knee socks. And when I say skipping, I mean skipping rope. If you can picture an ostrich with long blonde hair in bright yellow track pants and bright blue knee socks jumping rope, you've pretty much got the picture. Joan asks where she got the skipping rope. Glynis answers in that way she has of phrasing statements like questions: "In the equipment bin? I'm just trying to release a few endorphins before class." She appears to be about to cry, and then twitters, "I miss Luke!" Oh, good Lord. Get a grip, Twitchy. She skip-stumbles off. Joan grabs some official Arcadia High blue and yellow plastic jump ropes out of the bin, saying, "Check it out! Look, we can Dutch. There's rope in here. Does anybody know how to twirl?" A couple of other girls chime in that they do. They get into place, and Joan says, "Come on!" Casper: "No, not here." Joan: "Come on, are you kidding me? Show 'em what you got!" The girls start turning the ropes, and Joan sings, "Casper, Casper, why you buggin' / Snow White wants to see you jumpin'!" Casper rolls her eyes, and after glancing nervously around at all the kids staring at the new chick, finally runs in and starts jumping. Joan follows her. Grace smiles broadly. Even Artsy and Schmoopy are smiling and clapping along. Joan and Casper keep jumping until someone misses, and everyone claps and cheers. Everyone seems impressed with the new girl.
At work, Rebecca's giving Kevin a hard time about his story: "You buried the lead so deep a bloodhound couldn't find it!" Kevin says he'll fix it and she can run it on the weekend. Rebecca: "Your descriptive powers were in full bloom, though." She grabs Randie's book off the desk and shows the author photo on the back to Kevin, asking, "Is this why you didn't come over last night, why you didn't even call?" Kevin: "Is that why you killed my piece?" Rebecca: "I asked you first." Man, they have more privacy in this workplace than most men have when they're donating sperm. I work at home alone and I don't have this much privacy. My neighbours, who barely know I exist, pay more attention to me than Kevin and Rebecca's coworkers do to them. Kevin shrugs, "I didn't do anything wrong!" Rebecca just looks at him. He says they haven't put any labels on their relationship yet. Dude? Not smart. She looks incredulous: "So you're saying that what happened between us -- it didn't mean anything?" Kevin: "No, I'm not saying that, I just...she kept coming on to me!" Rebecca puts her hands over her eyes and asks, "Do you think that I want to hear this? I am not your pal, or your sister." She storms off. Kevin follows her to her desk and says, "I felt like...a regular nineteen-year-old kid again. I never thought I'd feel like that...so...it didn't mean anything." Not that it helps much, but I sure hope he's talking about Randie there and not his relationship with Rebecca. Rebecca: "It did to me." Which I interpreted as meaning, "Whatever you did with her does mean something to me." Kevin pleads impatiently, "Come on..." Rebecca stands up: "You know, maybe this is my fault...for getting involved with a regular nineteen-year-old kid." She walks off. Kevin sighs in frustration.
Will's looking at some cases on his desk, one of which is the Timmins case that Toni's working on. A moment later, he comes out to where Toni and Roy are chatting, and announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, The Kid is back. I got your shooter. Three cold cases: all older, wealthy victims, single shot to the head, jewellery gone, no forced entry. Sound familiar?" Toni says it does. Will hands them a file saying, "And here's your link." Roy looks in the file: "Henley Motors?" Will explains that a particular mechanic repaired the car of each victim a week before each murder. Toni confirms that her victim recently had his car worked on at Henley Motors. Will says that the same name is on all of Henley's paperwork: Charles Newcomb. Will figures he copies the victims' keys. Toni: "Unbelievable. Great work, partner." Will thinks they're going to go nab the perp now, but Roy tells him he can't let him do that. Will: "But I cracked it. He's my collar." Roy says he's still not cleared: "I'll make sure you get full credit, though." Reggie knocks on the door and asks, "Anybody missing a genius?" Will: "Hey, son. You remember Detective Williams, Sheriff Roebuck." Toni doesn't say anything about the party as Luke and Roy shake hands. Roy tells him, "Your old man just cracked four homicides." Toni: "Three years we've been running up against the wall, and he does it sitting at his desk." She takes off. Luke asks his father if he's going to bring the guy in now. Will says, "They are." Roy adds as he leaves, "It was an amazing piece of detective work, Will." Luke shrugs and smiles nervously at his father.
Casper's rushing through a crowded hallway, saying loudly, "You don't have to call anybody! I'll just go!" She's being pursued by Price. I guess the jig is up. They run into Joan, who asks what's going on. Price: "Your friend has enrolled in this school illegally. The phone number she gave us was out of service, and the account number on the utility bill was registered to your family, Ms. Girardi. You have to do more than change the address to fool me." Casper insists that she'll just leave, but Joan makes her wait. Price tells Joan, "The use of fraudulent documentation is a serious offense." Man, for someone who spends all his energy trying to keep students in classes, you'd think he'd cut them a little slack here. Joan thinks fast: "She just wanted to come to Arcadia...because you run such a great school, Mr. Price!" He nods: "That, I know. But school zones exist for a reason. Now I'm sorry, Ms. Casper. I'm going to have to send you back to your district." Joan: "You can't! She's --" Price: "Care to elaborate, Joan?" Frink: "I just want to punch him so hard." Joan looks at Casper and then at Price: "Uh...no." Joan looks back at her friend, who runs off as she's about to burst into tears. Joan: "Casper, wait!" Price: "Come on." Joan watches Casper with a worried look.
Adam's waiting in Helen's empty classroom, pacing around. When she comes in and sees him there, she pauses slightly and walks past him without a word. Adam says, "Ms. Girardi..." She turns and looks at him almost defiantly -- in fact, it's pretty much the exact expression in the photo in Adam's piece. Adam says, "Uh...I kinda freaked..." Helen: "That was evident in your work." He says he's sorry. Helen: "I don't want an apology." She searches for words: "Your piece, it...hurt me...made me angry...I hated it, actually. But it's what I asked you to do." Adam's eyes are brimming, and he's confused: "You wanted me to hurt you?" Helen: "I wanted you to take a risk, to put yourself in the work. To create something that would make people think, would make them feel something. And that isn't always pleasant or pretty, but...it is art. And maybe in the future I will be touched by...a stirring portrait of my nobility and charm..." She manages to force a smile. Adam: "Thanks." She tells him she's going to keep pushing him: "Because, um, that turtle? Let's be honest: crap on a stick." Hee! Adam smiles, knowing it's true. Mr. Price appears at the door, asking if he can have a word. She says she's with a student. Price: "Not as a teacher -- as a parent." Helen's shoulders sink. Adam looks concerned, knowing it's more likely to be about Joan than Luke.
Back at home, Helen's arriving home with Joan: "You met this girl in the park three days ago -- now you're willing to get suspended to protect her?" Joan says that Helen wouldn't understand. Helen tells her to explain it. Joan: "I can't!" Helen: "You can but you won't!" Just then Luke and Will come bursting in the front door, in the middle of a fight. Luke's asking, "If you're embarrassed to be with me, why did you even ask me to come?" He runs up the stairs to his room, two steps at a time. Will shouts up the stairs, "I'm not embarrassed to be -- Luke!" Frink: "'I'm your father!'" Yeah, he just can't stop with that. Helen asks what happened. Will, baffled: "I can't really say." Joan, annoyed, asks, "How come he can get away with that?" Helen: "Because he's confused. You're lying." Will, gesturing at Joan: "Do I wanna know about this?" Helen: "Oh, you will. So why is Luke so upset?" Will says it's apparently because he sent Luke off to the lab with the science guys: "I thought he'd like it, but he got all upset, saying I'm ashamed of him, that we don't spend any time together, that I don't know who he is." Joan, arms crossed: "Well, you don't." Helen glares at her. Joan: "Sorry." She starts to walk off to the kitchen, and Will says, "He's my son. I know my own son." Joan stops and says, "Oh. Do you know he has a girlfriend?" Will looks surprised: "Luke?" Joan: "Look, Dad, I don't blame you. Luke is very weird..." Will: "Hey! Don't lecture me. Aren't you the one who's in trouble here?"
Helen tells him about the thing with Casper and the utility bill and Joan's refusal to explain herself. Joan throws up her hands in exasperation. Will says he knows she's had a hard time making friends. Joan: "Dad, I didn't do it because I need a friend. I did it because she's all alone. She's homeless, okay? She lives in a really creepy shelter." Helen: "She's homeless?" Joan explains that her dad isn't around, so she could be taken away from him. Will asks where the father is. Joan says he's upstate (again with the "upstate") looking for work: "She shouldn't have to lose her dad because their luck sucks. I mean, the reason I jumped -- I had to connect with her. Which I did, because of her eyes, you know?" Helen and Will have no idea what she's on about. Joan hollers, "She trusts me now! I can't turn her in!" Will says he knows the head of Child Protective Services: "They can find her a good home until her dad gets back and they can sort things out." Helen says she has a friend who runs a jobs program: "You should've talked to us, honey. We're on your side...most of the time." Joan: "Well, you're also a teacher...and you're a cop. My life would be a lot easier if you were just...normal loser parents." They smile weakly. Will: "You said she trusts you. Talk to her first thing tomorrow. Get her to call me." Joan, barely audible: "Thanks, Dad." He starts up the stairs and Joan pursues him, asking, "Hey...what are you going to do about Brain Boy?" Will wonders, "Don't I even get a minute to enjoy my good deed?" Joan says that all Luke wanted was to spend time with him: "The way Kevin always did...or even me, when you'd make me kick that stupid soccer ball until my foot fell off." Will thought she liked that. Joan: "Well. Now you know." He heads upstairs, and Helen says, "Glynis." Will stops and Helen adds, "His girlfriend's name."
Luke's in his room, typing away at his laptop. He's got an awesome lamp, with a spherical metal shade in sort of that classic shape of atomic orbitals. Or something like that. I barely know what I'm talking about, here. I was asking Frink over the phone about how to describe this thing and before the stupid cell phone cut off, I got an explanation about Niels Bohr and orbitals that I mostly followed but couldn't quite recount if my life depended on it. Anyway. Will comes in very silently. Luke's not the only one with a naturally quiet tread. Luke ignores his father. Will begins, "I'm sorry about today. It's just that...you're so smart and self-sufficient. I don't know what I have to offer you." Luke: "You taught Kevin stuff, and he's smart. Basically." Heh. Will: "Kevin likes sports. I understand sports." He's picked up one of the many science-y tchotchkes in Luke's room, one of those vector flexor things. He fiddles with it, continuing, "You like physics." Luke: "Teach me how to throw a curve ball. That's physics." Will: "You really want me to?" Luke: "No, Dad, I hate sports, but...today...I could've stayed with you. And watched how you solved that case." Will says he was embarrassed: "What I'm going through at work...the first time you see what I do...I -- I didn't want you to see me as a paper pusher." Luke snorts softly and says, "You've got the world's largest blind spot, you know that? One minute, you discern an oblique pattern that's invisible to mere mortals; the , you can't even see a conclusive certainty that's staring you in the face." Will: "I have no idea what you just said."
Luke: "You always say that I get my brain from Mom. That's not true. I get it from you." Will: "Then why didn't I understand what you said?" Hee. Luke: "No, Dad, it's not about knowledge. It's about how you see the world. I became a scientist because of you, because you're a detective." Will: "You did?" Luke: "We're the same. We both solve puzzles in a universe where there is no certainty; only probability and possibility." Will never thought of it that way. Luke continues, "Only I live in my head. You're in the world, changing people's lives. Like today. How could you think I wouldn't want to see that?" Will steps forward and puts his hands on Luke's shoulders, then on his neck and chin. Then he pulls him into a hug. Luke looks kind of teary behind his glasses; Will is sniffly. Can I get through one episode of this show without losing it? Guess not. (Okay, I didn't cry last week. Iris put me off my catharsis.) They hug for a bit and then Will asks, "This girl...Glynis...you really like her?" Luke smiles, kind of embarrassed, and laughing a bit, he says, "Yeah." Will smiles and pats him on the cheeks, and kisses him on his right cheek. Will starts to walk out and then Luke asks, "Hey, Dad, um...when you, um...when you get your gun back, can you take me to the shooting range?" Will: "You want to shoot?" Luke: "Ballistics is applied physics...and...you know...I like to blow stuff up." Will laughs, "Sure. Me, too." Great work by both actors, but especially Michael Welch. He brings so much depth to the role of Luke.
Back at the park, Joan's waiting around for Casper. Maliya and Nikki arrive and ask, "Yo, Snow White, what's up?" Joan says she's waiting for Casper. Maliya says she left: "She said her dad was coming back for her." Joan: "Did you see him?" Nikki says she didn't, but that Casper had her bag packed. Joan: "Well, what if she just took off by herself?" Nikki shrugs: "I dunno." Joan starts to walk off when a much younger girl in a pink coat, tying her bright pink hightops on a bench, asks, "Wanna jump, Joan?" I like her voice. Joan looks at her and realizes it's God. She asks, "Did her dad really come back?" Pink Hightops God says, "You did what you were supposed to do." Joan freaks: "What a copout! You get me all wrapped up in her life and now you're not even going to tell me what happened to her?" Pink Hightops God asks, "The connection you and Casper have, you think that's gone just because she went away? Is your connection with Adam gone because he's with Iris? Real connections, they can't be broken by time or space." Joan: "I wanted to help her...I wanted to get her a place, get her dad a job." Pink Hightops God: "You can't fix everything, Joan." Joan replies, "She's my friend. I want to know what's gonna happen to her." Pink Hightops God says, "I know you do. But sometimes, it's enough to plant the seed, walk away, and let the flower grow on its own." Joan is not at all satisfied with that. Nikki asks, "Yo, Snow White, Short Stuff, wanna Dutch?" Maybe I'll have to call this one Short Stuff God. That's kind of hard to resist. Short Stuff God gazes at Joan with a mixture of inscrutability and empathy. Joan looks disheartened, but allows Short Stuff God to pull her along as "I Can't Wait to Meetchu" by Macy Gray starts playing. (That is so a shout-out to me.) Joan and Short Stuff God jump in at the same time from opposite sides. "I do my best to do right got to get to the way up high / Oh my lord I can't wait to meetchu / Love the life you're givin' but I'm looking forward to the day I die / Oh my lord, I can't wait to meetchu..." The two of them lock eyes and laugh as they jump together in perfect rhythm.