By Lady Lola
The pre-game continues with hot tubbing and Ron Ron Juice that JWoww spills all over Sammi's "favorite white shorts" when she breaks the closet shelf. Question: How many pairs of white shorts do you need to own in order to designate some as your favorites over others? Consider again, my friends, the Daisy Dukes and the glass hot tub. Snooki whines that she feels like a pilgrim when she has to hand wash Sammi's white cooter shorts. Which she then throws, wet, into a garbage bag. She has mentioned being a vet tech in the past. Do you think she does that with the puppies, too?
Angelina crosses through the high jinks. Sammi gives her the side eye, then says she can't face going outside with her ex-boyfriend and the harlot Angelina. Snooki goes out to observe her nemesis in the wild and reports back that Angelina is sitting to Ronnie in the hot tub. Sammi gets territorial, threatening to simultaneously put the smack down on both of them if they hook up. Just don't get blood on your white short shorts, sweetie!
At a quarter to 11, the gang finally decides to descend en masse on the unsuspecting souls of Miami. They whip out the nighttime sunglasses, the fake hair, the never worn T-shirts, the shots, etc. and finally pile into a cab. Not two seconds into the ride to da club, Angelina -- in the girls' cab -- is yawning. Homegirl is not cut out for this. All the while, Sammi frets that she'll see Ronnie smushing on another girl tonight.
Out of nowhere, Angelina inserts herself into the conversation concocting some tenuous drama about how hypocritical the girls are for stressing over guys when she left the show last season because of a guy (or because she was too lazy and hung-over to work at a T-shirt shop!... but who's counting?). None of the other ladies have any patience for this, and before you can say "Catfight," JWoww is literally standing up in the cab asking if Angelina wants to get punched in the face. The girls continue to say variations of "I hate your scraggly ass," and Angelina ridiculously interviews that she's trying to come into the house with a fresh start and act classy. By gratuitously accusing your roommate of being a stupid, hypocritical bitch in the first six hours? I'm starting to see where Vinny was coming from with this whole "lacks brains" thing.
More screaming. Cut to the dead silence of harmony in the guys' cab. Heh. Back to the caterwauling, Angelina says the other girls are being "trashy." JWoww's all, "Takes one to know one, hooker." Angelina whines that she's being ganged up on. As if she didn't start this entire confrontation. Sammi finally extricates herself from the situation by hopping out of the cab at the first chance. Snooki is still yelling as she exits, calling Angelina a "white rat." Angelina, in turn, tells Snooki she's too tan. Snooki: "I like being tan, bitch!"
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