By DeAnn Welker
After a weekend's reprieve, this show is back with a bloated two-hour episode. Previously: A bunch of really dumb stuff happened. Holly Montag showed up, and Janice wanted to be her BFF. Holly and Sanjaya fell in love. But not real love or anything. Just reality show love, like Speidi. Some "celebrities" got to talk to loved ones at home. Janice was horrendous and everyone hated her. Daniel was sent packing, somewhat inexplicably (because, yeah, he's annoying, but America likes Janice and Patti more?). Tonight: Janice gets sick, only possibly for real this time. John's not happy in the "jungle." Someone gets to be in the Tunnel of Terror. And someone wins immunity. "Live." Opening credits.
Damien and Myleene welcome us to the jungle, where a real tropical storm is happening. Damien and Myleene have been moved inside for safety and health reasons, but supposedly the campers are still out there, roughing it. Oh, and whoever wins immunity is guaranteed a spot in the final week. Meaning what, exactly? That everyone else is going home between now and week? Maybe this will actually be a little exciting. Dare I hope? Tomorrow we can vote. Our hosts recap. And then we're back in the jungle, at Daniel's elimination (so, more of what we've already seen). Stephen was sad to lose Daniel. He had a lump in his throat. He expressed his sadness by looking mentally challenged. Janice, on the other hand, is thrilled Daniel's gone. Everyone else is sad, but Janice is rude and tells them all how much she loves seeing him go. Torrie thinks that's poor sportsmanship on Janice's part. And it hurt Stephen's feelings. Stephen says he'll kill anyone who goes through Daniel's stuff. Janice says she already went through it, and then calls Stephen "Daniel" a bunch of times. Sanjaya corrects her. She tells Stephen she was kidding, and Sanjaya tells us later that he felt it was completely disrespectful of her to do that. Even Sanjaya's getting sick of Janice? It must be bad.
The food arrives, and Janice lays there and watches everyone else cook. She shouts questions and instructions, until John asks her to please shut it. He calls her the peanut gallery, and she gives the crazy Janice equivalent of, "I'm rubber and you're glue; whatever I say bounces off me and sticks to you." Then she tells us that camp is better without Daniel, and will be even better without John. Torrie says they're so lucky to have so many cooks and Janice chimes in that she can cook. Lou asks her to please go right ahead, but she won't. He explains in confessional that it's all semantics with Janice, and no action. She wants to stand around and say how good she is at stuff, but never wants to do anything. John explains in the confessional that Janice needs to hear herself talk all the time, and it's constantly wearing on his spirit. Stephen comes back from somewhere and can't believe when John tells him that Janice wants to cook. He confessionals that Janice cooking would be worse than the great flood that Noah experienced in the Bible. This is what they can come up with for drama, y'all: Janice wants to cook! OMG! Commercials.