Smashing Pumkin

S01E06

As the most lackluster threesome this house has ever seen prepares for their Power Outing, The Entertainer, 12 Pack, and Heather realize that Pumkin is part of The Stallionaire alliance. They will be shocked if Pumkin sends Chance home. They also realize that if the Gold Team loses a challenge the three of them will be picked off one by one. And then the only people left will be in the Stallionaires alliance who have all sworn to never vote each other off ever. How would that work exactly? Whatever. I am totally convinced Brandi C. is going to win this entire thing because no one sends her home because they think she is harmless. Toastee and Pumkin discuss strategy while Pumkin does more damage to her hair. Seriously, airdrop that girl some VO5. They don't trust the whores (their words) but they know that they won't be able to win if they keep the strong players around. Toastee tries to convince Pumkin that it is time for one of the guys to get sent home. Um, Toastee? Are we watching the same show? Didn't you have the opportunity to send Real home just yesterday? Didn't you send Destiney home instead? Wasn't that you? The trouble with skanks is you just can't tell them apart.

As Pumkin, Megan, Brandi and Chance head out of La Casa des Crabs for their Power Outing, the door slams shut on Chance's face and Megan has to kick it open so he can get out. Hee! I heart slapstick. This week's Power Outing is at a lovely spa where the bottom three contestants and the Paymaster will be massaged. Except for Chance who refuses to be massaged. Strike! He's on strike! He tells us that he is not in the mood for a massage. He explains that there is a lot of tension in The Box. Tension! It's making all his muscles tight. His neck hurts. His shoulders are bunched up. He is way too stressed out for a massage. The girls roll their eyes and take off their shirts. After their massages, it is time for lunch. And the lovely staff has decorated their pineapple cups with cute little fruit faces and orange ears! Wow, the massage services, crisp linens, and beautiful outdoor setting were nice and all, but fruit faces? Now I'm totally going there! As they begin their lunch and Power Suckup, Chance refuses to eat. He is not here for fun. He doesn't have to have fun because he has an alliance. He doesn't need to suck up, so he is just going to sit there. Brandi and Megan try to convince Pumkin that in the end she wants to be competing against someone like them (blonde and herpetic?) instead of against a supposedly stronger player. After Chance's hilariously bad performance in the challenge today, it is a bit farfetched to continue to call him a stronger player. He's not. He just has friends in high places. Sort of. Megan and Chance screech at each other a bit and try to pretend that the other is more stupid. Guys? You're both cracktards. Chance then threatens to drown her dog and VH1 treats us to a five-cent graphic of a drowned crowned Chihuahua. Thanks for the visual, VH1! Now let your intern lay off the Pagemaker and get back to watching audition tapes.