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In 2009, Ted goes on a blind date with Jen... a woman he also went on a blind date with in 2002. Meanwhile, in front of Robin, Lily, and Marshall, Barney pretends that he has four tickets to an "Origins of Chewbacca" Star Wars exhibit. Marshall is the only one of the three who is psyched, so he and Barney go it alone. During their cab ride, Barney reveals that he just wanted to get rid of the girls, so they could go to a strip club. Once there, Barney tries to tempt Marshall to the dark side. Marshall is steadfast, though. He doesn't even fantasize about other women unless he first fantasizes about Lily dying and giving him her blessing to Tomcat around. Barney is disgusted that Marshall is even mentally faithful, so he promises to be the "wingman of [his] mind." As Jasmine, the dancer is introduced, Barney tells Marshall to put Lily completely out of his head. The only problem is -- Jasmine looks exactly like Lily, except with big hair and better um... foundational garments.
Meanwhile, Ted and Jen are on their second version of their first date at Ted's favorite first date restaurant. When Ted makes a bad "selfish"/"shellfish" pun while ordering appetizers, they both realize the reason for their déjà vu. They did this exact same date -- seven years prior. Jen remembers that 2002 Ted was a little snobby. Ted remembers that 2002 Jen dressed her cats up in costumes. They decide to figure out why they didn't hit it off with one another. From Ted's pointing out spelling errors on the menu, to Jen's refusal to pretend to fight over the check, we see how they disappointed each other over and over.
Back at MacLaren's Barney and Marshall tell Robin and Lily how they saw another doppelganger of someone in their group (the first two being Lesbian Robin and Mustache Marshall). After that, they brag about seeing stripper Lily. The surprise is that Lily's basically okay with it, while Robin is not. Ted and Jen show up. Ted expects the gang to talk him up to an embarrassing extent, so of course they do the opposite.
Ted and Jen end their date on Ted's rooftop. But when Jen remembers that Ted never called her, seven years ago (despite promises to the contrary), she decides he's not "the one," and she ends things. Ted's right there with her. He wants to hold out for the person who not only tolerates his quirks but actually likes them. Good luck with that, man.
Lily and Robin accompany Ted and Marshall back to the strip club, and while Lily is game for whatever happens, Barney's trying to pretend for Robin's sake that he's not a regular, but the staff all recognizes him and ruins his cover. We conclude with Marshall and Lily getting a private dance from Jasmine, while Barney rationalizes for very his (love)life.
This was an amusing episode, but in no way did it measure up to the premiere. The "could she be the mother" gag has lived way too long past its expiration date, so Ted's plot was boring. What's more, I don't like seeing Robin's personality changed, just to suit the story. I'm going to watch it again and think on it, but my first impression is -- HIMYM, you can and usually do tell a much better story. I'll catch you on the flipside with the full weecap.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we Rate the Mothers!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Saget!Ted sets the scene, telling us that this is the story of two blind dates, "One in 2009, one seven years earlier." We flash between shots of goateed 2002 Ted and clean-shaven 2009 Ted running through his dating routine, which Saget admits hadn't changed much over the years. Both versions of him knock on the same door, and meet the same woman -- Jen. Yep, Ted has lapped his own self on the dating scene. In 2009, neither one remembers the other, so they set off happily on their (second) first date. I wonder who set them up.
MacLaren's: Barney tells Marshall, Lily and Robin that he just got four tickets to the "Origins of Chewbacca" Star Wars exhibit. Marshall is over the moon. The girls are over Chewbacca. Robin says, "Isn't it a little early in our relationship to be doing something that would end our relationship?" We cut to...
A Ranjit-less cab: Marshall's hoping there'll be a Wookiee-to-English dictionary at the convention and just generally being adorable, so after flashbacks of Barney "kidnapping" a Wookiee-costumed Ted to take him to view a lethal injection (front row seats!), Barney breaks the news to Marshall that they're going to a...
Strip Club: Barney says that Lily has taken all the man out of Marshall, and he's going to show him how it's possible to be in a relationship while having fully functioning male genetalia. On network TV -- in primetime? I'll believe it when I see, Barn. Barney's convinced Robin would be perfectly fine with the evening's activities, and we cut to...
Restaurant; 2009: Ted asks Jen what she does for a living. She's between jobs. "Banking crisis." He should lean on Barney to get Jen a job at GNB. In the flashback to 2002, Jen is between jobs, thanks to the internet bubble burst. I wonder if she can recap, because already, I'm not feeling this episode. 2002 Ted douches about how he's an architect. 2009 Ted is much less flowery in his admission that he teaches architecture.
Strip Club: Marshall admits to Barney that even when he starts to have a sexy thought about another woman, he feels too guilty -- it's too much like cheating on Lily. All the woman say, "Awwww." All the men say, "Bullshit." We flashback to last week. Feeling guilty about his fleeting attraction to a pretty delivery woman, Marshall fantasizes about Lily contracting, "A rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medically legitimate." Fantasy Marshall weeps at the news and stays right by her bedside. After six months, Fantasy Marshall tries to cure her disorder by popping a paper bag and startling her -- to no avail. Fantasy Lily tells him "It's time, baby." When Fantasy Marshall weeps that he'll never love again, Fantasy Lily tells him that he must -- and that after an appropriate number of years he should find someone else. "Someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time -- and plow her like a cornfield." She hiccups thrice, and then no more. Alas, poor Lily. Coincidentally, Fantasy Minister at Fantasy Lily's funeral tells Fantasy Marshall the very same thing Fantasy Lily said on her deathbed (no, really, right down to the cornfield). A title card informs is that it's an appropriate number of years later: Marshall is constructing miniature furniture (like for dollhouses) when the very same busty delivery girl arrives at the door. Fantasy Marshall looks heavenward and says, "This one's for you, Lil," before tearing open his shirt and nibbling her neck. Back in the strip club, real Marshall ends his reverie with a, "And then, watch out, because It Is ON!" He holds up his hand waiting for a high five from Barney, who tells him, "That is the saddest thing I've ever heard." And Marshall, when Barney can't high-five your sexual fantasies, they are sad. Eventually, Barney tells Marshall he will be the "wingman of [his] mind," and that he needs to put Lily completely out of said mind, and just focus on the stripper.
The stripper's name is Jasmine, and she is a dead-ringer for Lily, so of course we'll be calling her Vamp Willow. Marshall can't believe his eyes. Barney though, is so excited; he's already on the phone to Ted, who is on his (second) first date with Jen. Ted he says he can't talk, right now. Barney's in a tizzy, so he replies that he, too, is speechless. "Everything's as perky as we've always imagined." Marshall slugs him and tells him to stop looking at Vamp Willow. Ted begs off the call, but not before he whispers to Barney to take a picture.
The Restaurant: 2009 Jen asks 2009 Ted what he's going to order. We flash back to 2002, where Ted asks Jen if she'd like to share the oysters. When she says she'd love to, 2002 Ted says that's great, and then we get a split screen of both versions of Ted punning, "Because if you didn't, that would be mighty... shellfish." Wow, that's... bad. In another split screen, both versions of Jen say, "Wow, that's bad," because, as I've already mentioned, it is. Both versions of Ted then explain that that's why it's funny. And then it happens. 2009 Ted and Jen simultaneously say, "We've been on this date, before." After the break, Ted and Jen continue talking about how they've been on the same exact blind date before, in the same restaurant, and neither one remembers the original date going so well. Jen remembers Ted being a little snobby -- so I guess she's got full recall. Ted says he remembers that she dresses her cats up in weird costumes. Jen says, "They're not weir-- See? You're being snobby, again." Ted is flabbergasted. "Do you realizes what this means? Since our first date, we've done a complete lap of all the single people in New York, only to end up back here -- with each other." I say they're going to die alone. Jen agrees, but Ted points out that Jen has her cats. They laugh at the insanity of the premise. Writers -- take note. Then Ted asks why Jen thought he was snobby. She points to where they sat on their first-first date, and we flash back to...
2002: Perusing the menu, Ted chuckles and says, "Maine Lobster. They spelled Maine without the E. Good to know we're not getting the crappy understudy lobsters, right?" When Jen gives him a I'm-humoring-you look, Ted misses it and continues. "Tonight, the role of Pound-and-a-half Lobster will be played by..." 2002 Jen looks up from her menu. "I get it, Ted."
2009: Jen notes that pointing out spelling errors in a menu seems a little snooty. Ted had no idea. Jen wants to know Ted's memories of her -- aside from the cats. He tells her how he fully intended to pay, but was disappointed that Jen didn't do the check dance. Do guys these days expect the check dance on a blind, first date? I'm so glad I'm married. I'm no Rules Girl, and actually, I've never been on a blind date, but... really? School me, single ladies (and men, for that matter). My e-mail is open. I've also never had a first date where I did the asking. I think the asker should presume the evening is on him or her, and while it's cool for the askee to offer to split the bill, it shouldn't be a game ender. [Sounds fair. But where does that leave a mutually agreed-upon blind date, initiated by others? - Zach] Maybe askee didn't do the asking, because of finances in the first place, you know. I mean... if you've been seeing each other a while, it's different. You start to understand each others' lifestyles and finances and all that. Hilariously enough (to me), my husband took me out on our first date and forgot to bring money. Yep. I didn't know it though, because the chef happened by our table and he happened to be someone my husband had grown up with. He comped our bill for old times' sake. Later, we were going to a club, so Scott stopped at an ATM. It was there he confessed how he would have felt like a total ass, if not for the kismet of accidentally knowing the chef. So Bobby Murphy, wherever you are? Thank you. (In all fairness, I have to say I actually kind of fell for my husband because of his dorky admission and would have ponied up for the check if Murph hadn't happened by.) Back in 2009, Ted explains to Jen that guys like to wave the girl off, and act like a big shot. They decide they should retrace the rest of their first-first date to figure out what else they do wrong on first dates.
MacLaren's: Barney and Marshall return to the bar to find Lily and Robin. Before Marshall can shush him, Barney announces that tonight, "We saw the third doppelganger." Saget!Ted explains that over the years they've spotted two strangers who looked just like members of the gang: Lesbian Robin (she walks by in short hair, a flannel shirt, cropped jeans and black work boots, tossing a baseball and hawking a loogie); and Mustache Marshall (his likeness is featured on an ad on a back of a bus. The text reads: "¡Señor Justica! Cuando el derecho llama. Llama a Señor Justica! And yeah, high school Spanish was long ago and far away, but I think that translates to "When the right calls. Call Señor Justica!). Saget!Ted also teases that by the following summer, they would find the remaining two doppelgangers, but he'll get to that. Yeah. After the mother, or before, Saget!Ted? You're becoming about as reliable as my kids, when I tell them to make their beds and they reply, "In a minute." All carrot, no stick.
Anyhow, Barney pulls out his cell and tells the ladies to meet Vamp Willow, who he insists upon calling, "Stripper Lily." What kind of a name is that? The girls recoil, perhaps because Barney actually failed to get Vamp Willow's face into the shot. Marshall is all prepared for Lily's anger, but she thinks it's awesome that there's a stripper out there who looks exactly like her. Meanwhile, Barney thinks Robin is going to be cool with everything and she so is not, so Barney lies that Marshall made him go.
City Streets: Ted asks Jen what else he did wrong. She explains that she kept dropping hints that she was cold, but Ted never offered her his jacket (which he wasn't even wearing, yo -- it was in his hand). Ted explains that he was busy trying not to admit he was cold. "I didn't want to appear like a wimp in comparison to your action-hero ex-boyfriend you couldn't stop talking about." He was a firefighter with a muscle car, who was into bare-knuckle boxing. When 2009 Jen cracks about her ex's shockingly small wiener, 2009 Ted is right there with his jacket.
MacLaren's: Lily can't stop asking questions about Vamp Willow's strip act. Marshall is a little taken aback by her enthusiasm, but Barney's trying to use it to smooth things over with Robin. It doesn't work. And I have to tell you, when I first watched this episode, it didn't work for me, either. Robin has been to strip clubs with guys and talked about it and thinks it's all well and good. That said, Robin was tricked and lied to, in this episode, so I can understand some of her reaction -- or I could, if that was the way it was written. So yeah, never mind. One of the delightful things about this sitcom is how character-driven it usually is, so it's just disappointing to see four seasons of Robin tossed off the room. We ended last week with Robin lying (or at least thinking she was lying) to Lily that she and Barney were a couple. Now this week, she's not cool with this? From Barney? Eh. It fell flat for me. Anyhow, in the course of trying to save his own ass, Barney tells Marshall to admit to Lily all the trouble Marshall has to go through to have a fantasy. Lily's fine with Marshall fantasizing, but far less fine with his need to kill her off in his fantasy before hand. "Could you maybe not murder me?"
Ted and Jen arrive at MacLaren's as they retrace the steps of their actual first date. He prepares her for meeting the gang. "They are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they can't think of anything I do wrong." Not a problem tonight. Lily and Robin bring up his juggling, his expectation of a standing ovation for picking up even the smallest check, and his tendency to point out menu typos. Jen says she remembers what really didn't work for her about Ted. "I remember him coming across as kind of a player." Everyone says, "Ted?" except for Ted, who says, "Me?" We flash back as Jen recounts how she was obsessing about dressing up her cats, when Barney signaled to Ted to look across the bar. The camera pans to a pretty blonde, and Ted says, "Yeah. Niiiiice." Current day Ted remembers that, though. He swears he wasn't checking out a girl. In a re-flashback, the man standing to the girl turns around. It's Mustache Marshall! Jen apologizes for thinking he was a jerk, undeservedly.
Ted's roof: 2002 Ted points out the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, and "A rotund couple going at it against the glass." 2002 Ted and Jen acknowledge it wasn't the best date of all time, but Ted says he's glad they stuck it out and they kiss. 2009 Ted asks 2009 Jen what went wrong. We flash back again, and 2002 Ted promises to call. 2009 Jen reveals he never did. 2009 Ted looks like a deer caught in the headlights. "I have been sooooo busy." Jen is angry. "Goodnight, Ted." She walks off, leaving him there.
Before she gets to the ladder, we hear her ringtone (cats meowing classical music). It's Ted. He apologizes for being an idiot back then. "You saw the goatee." I hear that. He'd like to see her again. Jen says, "Ted, there are two kinds of guys -- the guys you want to call you that don't, and the guys you don't want to call you -- who always do. And somehow, right now? You're both." Burn.
MacLaren's: Lily tries to convince Marshall that it's okay to fantasize without feeling guilty. "Or, you know, killing me off." Marshall says, "I wish that I could, but I've been doing this for so long -- I'm all confused about death and sex. It's gotten to the point where every time I drive past a cemetery, I'm sporting a partial." Lily says they have to fix this, and we cut to...
Strip Club: Lily says that Marshall has her permission to fantasize about Vamp Willow and shouldn't feel guilty since she practically is Lily. When Marshall thanks her, Lily screams, "Bring out stripper Lily!" Alas, she never once says, "I'm so evil, and skanky. And I think I'm kind of gay." Meanwhile, Barney tries to fool Robin into thinking he doesn't come to the strip club all that often, but he's greeted -- by name -- by practically everyone. Robin is not amused. But really, she's not Robin for the purpose of this episode, which is too bad. I like Robin. That's okay. Lily's here to make us forget. She gets deliriously excited at seeing Vamp Willow, and throws her a hundred dollar bill, telling her to crawl for it. I'm very seldom naughty.
Rooftop: Ted's still trying to apologize for 2002, and argues his case for the man he is, today. Jen's not buying, but he persists and says that even back then, they didn't miss by all that much. "If a couple of things had gone a little bit differently, who knows what would have happened?" Goldspot's "Rewind" plays as we see Ted's fantasy of their first first date. Jen fights him over the check, but he wins and feels all manly. Later, when she's cold, he wraps his coat around her shoulders. At MacLaren's, Lily takes a picture of Marshall, Ted, Jen and Mustache Marshall. Jen and Ted then kiss on his roof. Later, she's just arriving home with a bag of groceries when her cell phone rings. She smiles. It concludes with them getting married. Jen's cats -- draped in pink velvet -- stand as their witnesses.
2009: Jen and Ted both say, "Wow." Just as they're about to kiss, we cut to the strip club, where Barney's still trying to butter up Robin, by telling her she's the best. "My girlfriend is in a strip club with me, and she couldn't care less." Robin emphasizes that she does care. Things are different now that they're dating. She says they need to have a serious talk. She's interrupted by Marshall who tells them that Lily just arranged for a private dance with Vamp Willow. "So if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper in the champagne room."
Roof top: Ted and Jen's lips part. She looks at him. "Now what?" Ted says he just remembers why he didn't call her. "I can't believe I'm going to screw this up again, but, um... I like finding typos in menus. And I know my shellfish pun is stupid, but the truth is I'm not suddenly going to stop making stupid jokes." Jen gets it. She's never going to stop talking about her cats -- who are funny and adorable. Ted's thinking they should both hold out for the person who not only tolerates their quirks but loves them for those quirks. Jen agrees. They are both so going to die alone.
End Tag: Vamp Lily comes out to the pole, but can't even stand up in her high heels. Meanwhile, Marshall turns to Lily and says, "It looks like Jasmine is having a hard time getting out of those boots." Wait, that's not Lily. She's smoking! In a Russian accent, not!Lily says, "What did you say, buddy?" Marshall says, "Lily?" Jasmine says, "Who? Oh yeees, I am dees Leely. We married long time. May I have monies for shopping?" Marshall looks at her, as real Lily screams and falls on stage. Marshall jumps up to help her, and we're all out of show. That tag almost worked for me, but not quite. I'm glad to put this episode to bed. The people in the forums have been talking about how the second episode of the season seems to be a letdown, more often than not. I think I have to agree with them. Yes, Regis, I'm looking at you. See you week, everyone.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how we Rate the Mothers. And check back soon for the full weecap!
Cindy McLennan also covers The Vampire Diaries and Lost. She might be cranky, but she is not a rules girl. Are you? Let her know at CynthiaMcLennan[at]gmail.com.