House, Foreman and Cuddy are called to the scene of a giant crane that collapsed into a building, because apparently, there are no other better options for emergency medical personnel in all of New Jersey than a guy with mobility issues and an attitude problem and a hospital administrator. House quickly determines that the crane operator did not fall asleep on the job but passed out, and sends him back to PPTH with Foreman to be our standard mystery illness. It turns out that the crane guy has some kind of cyst in his spine, but that's not really important, because House also finds a woman trapped in the rubble, her leg stuck underneath a support beam. Cuddy and the fireman want to amputate the leg, but House doesn't think they have to, which the woman, Hannah, very much agrees with. House and Hannah bond to the point that she has panic attacks if he leaves her side and she sort of convinces him to pray with her, but when the building collapses again when they try to lift the beam off of her leg, it becomes clear that amputation is the only option. House insists that they can save Hannah's leg, and Cuddy accuses him of risking Hannah's life by disagreeing with her because he's mad at her for moving in with and getting engaged to Lucas. She tells him she doesn't love him and never will and to stop trying to ruin everyone's life because his is so empty, then heads down to convince Hannah to agree to the amputation. In the end, House is the one who convinces Hannah after telling her how his decision not to have his leg amputated caused his life to totally suck, which is fairly heartbreaking. Hannah gets to feel every terrible second of having her leg cut off, which House does personally. But at least she's out from under the building and her husband is at her side in the ambulance on the way to PPTH. House is there, too, so he gets to be front and center when Hannah suddenly has trouble breathing and be the one to diagnose her with a fat embolism, an incurable amputation complication. She dies in the ambulance, and House is pretty much destroyed and hopeless. He goes home to raid his secret secret secret secret Vicodin stash, and it's all very depressing.
But then! THEN! The writers decide we're due for a cliffhanger that doesn't have House on the brink of death/insanity/hopelessness and give us something happy for a change, and all kinds of wonderful things happen! First, Hadley asks for a "leave of absence." And she wasn't even in this episode that much! And we might never see her again! It's FANTASTIC! And then, Cuddy arrives at House's apartment before he takes the Vicodin and tells him that she broke up with Lucas because she loves House, even though she really wishes that she didn't. They kiss and leave us wondering if this will ruin the show season or make it even better.
It's season finale time! Let's see what kind of House-torturing sadness and despair we're in for this time, shall we? Sure enough, we open with shots of House looking bloody and beat up, standing in his bathroom with a cracked mirror, a hole in the wall, and a pill bottle in his hand. Cheery! EIGHT HOURS EARLIER, the screen tells us, House walks right on in to Cuddy's office without knocking, catching her in the process of changing clothes. She doesn't really care, telling him that a crane collapsed in "downtown Trenton" as she puts on what appears to be the PPTH-logoed emergency doctor jumpsuit, made for just such an occasion as this. "Don't care," House says, thrusting a package in her hands. Despite the emergency currently going on in Trenton that supposedly requires her immediate assistance, she takes the time to open it, finding that book from last week inside. "My great-grandfather!" she gasps. "No, it's just a book he wrote," House says. I don't know why, but I found that line hilarious. On the first page of the book, Cuddy finds that House has completely ruined her chances of selling this thing off for big bucks by writing a message on the first page: "to Lisa and Lucas, here's to a new chapter. Best, Greg X." I don't know why he put an X after his name. Maybe he's thinking of changing careers to becoming a black rights activist? Cuddy waits for the fart powder House no doubt laced the pages with to take effect or the book to explode in flames or something, but House sincerely says that he wanted to congratulate her and Lucas on this new phase in their relationship. "I understand that's the adult thing to do," he says. Cuddy asks how he knew. House says he's known they were thinking of moving in together for a while now, then hopefully asks if they're having relationship issues as he helps Cuddy put her Action Cuddy Jumpsuit on. She just says she has to go to Trenton and runs out.
And we are on the scene in downtown Trenton, which looks a lot like where House had that bus accident two seasons ago. It's chaos down there, with helicopter circling, sirens blaring, and onlookers being too nosy for their own good. House rolls up on his motorcycle, because it's a really good idea for him to be here. These people just got squished by a crane. Do they really need to be personally insulted, too? He finds Cuddy, who gives him a "we are in for some suckiness" look. He follows her onto the scene, and we get a nice, long reveal of what we're dealing with. Sure enough, there is a giant crane wedged in a building. Crews work to access the buried floors and any and all people trapped inside, and this set up must have cost them so much money that they had to fire Jennifer Morrison to afford it. I feel like I'm watching an episode of ER. I don't like ER. But I'm be okay with this, as long as those circling helicopters stay in the air, far away from our main characters and their limbs.
After the abbreviated credits, House and Cuddy do some triage on the collapse victims. Cuddy is sympathetic. House is not. What are they even doing there? This isn't the kind of stuff doctors do, is it? Especially not doctors who don't specialize in emergency medicine and also RUN THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL or HAVE MOBILITY ISSUES. Like, House and Cuddy are just about the last people I'd want on the scene of an accident. Doesn't Trenton have any doctors of its own to use? Maybe the building the crane fell into was the only hospital in town. House does prove useful, however, instadiagnosing his patient with a skull fracture before then telling Cuddy to forget about hers, as he is as good as dead. He'll never survive the surgery, so House calls it a waste of a good ambulance ride and everyone's time. Well, he totally should be left to die, then. I know this is what they do in triage situations, but it still seems awful to me. At least House kept things semi-nice and didn't tell the poor guy about his imminent death to his face. Cuddy agrees with him and relays the message to an EMT.
Foreman tends to the crane operator, a.k.a. Mr. Asshole. Learn how to operate a crane, murderer. He has the decency to feel bad about the whole thing, saying he must have nodded off and lost control of the crane. Damn, how much control do you have to lose to put a crane in a building? I have no idea, as I don't know how to operate cranes. That's why I don't drive them. Unlike Mr. Asshole. Foreman tends to Mr. Asshole's broken arm while House feels his legs for breaks. He finds some caffeine pills in Mr. Asshole's pants pocket and asks if Mr. Asshole managed to fall asleep after taking them. Mr. Asshole says he did, and after drinking two cups of coffee. He says he's normally not like this, but his daughter has the flu so he's been operating on very little sleep. You know, when I had the flu (that one time. Oh, yes - in almost three decades of life, I've only had the flu once! And I never get flu shots, either. My immune system is just that awesome), I didn't keep my parents awake all night and unable to do their jobs the day, and neither of them work in occupations where being well-rested is essential to avoid other people dying. Mr. Asshole's sick daughter is an asshole, too. It's probably genetic. House decides that Mr. Asshole could not possibly have fallen asleep with so much caffeine in his system, so he must have passed out due to a neurological disorder. Really? Because I once fell asleep in Spanish class despite taking caffeine pills and under the threat of detention, and my teacher just blamed it on laziness and attitude problems. Too bad House wasn't my Spanish teacher, because it turned out that it wasn't laziness or attitude problems, but an actual medical problem that took an additional six years to get diagnosed. So if you're reading this and you're a teacher and you notice that one of your students falls asleep in your class every day, maybe you should recommend that she see a doctor instead of giving her detentions and trying to have her pulled out of your class because you can't handle the fact that you're such a bad teacher that someone can get an A in your class while unconscious.
Anyway, I guess that proves that House is right and it's nearly impossible to fall asleep without warning like that unless you do have something wrong with you. House wants to send Mr. Asshole back to PPTH for diagnosing, but Cuddy says he'll have to wait for the more critically injured patients to get rides to the hospital. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me, but House ignores her and tells Foreman to "steal an ambulance." Really? Mr. Asshole's possible neurological disorder that does not appear to be life-threatening is more important than the victims of the crane accident that he caused? I think it's more like House is using this as an excuse to get out of crane victim duty and back to PPTH, but it doesn't work, as Cuddy orders him to stay on the scene. She sends Foreman back with Mr. Asshole instead. This makes sense to me, since Foreman's bad leg make it difficult for him to get around easily and House is able-bodied and thus a better choice between the two to do this. Oh, wait. Incidentally, that guy House said would die just did, indeed, die. Although I don't know if that's because House was right or due to the lack of medical care he received.
Cuddy said only 76 crane victims had been accounted for thus far, but apparently they're all in the PPTH ER, as opposed to, you know, a hospital in Trenton. Wilson is there, and his phone rings. Despite the fact that he's in the middle of tending to a guy with glass shards lodged in his forehead, Wilson immediately answers House's call. These people are such assholes. If a crane just fell on me and I had glass in my face and my doctor decided to have a chat with his best friend instead of treating me, I'd leave and go to St. Sebastian's instead, as its PPTH's rival and a far superior hospital. The important matter that House just has to call Wilson about is that he thinks something to going on with Cuddy and Lucas, based on the way she "paused" when he gave her the present. He thinks she didn't want to accept it because she knew she wasn't going to move in with Lucas after all. I think she didn't want to accept it because she thought House drew penises on all the illustrations and wrote nasty things about her great-grandfather in the margins. Which, by the way, we still don't know that he didn't do. Suddenly thirsty and out of quarters, House uses his cane to bust open a wimpy vending machine and steal a soda, like the building that crane fell into doesn't have enough problems without these wanton acts of vandalism. Wilson hears the glass breaking and fears something happened to House because he knows this is the season finale and House rarely escapes them unscathed, but House says he's fine and orders him to check with his realtor ex-wife to see what's going on with Cuddy, who still uses her as a realtor despite the fact that she knows she reports on everything she does to Wilson and therefore House. It's like Cuddy wants House to fuck with her life when she makes poor decisions like this.
House tries to relax with his soda in what used to be the building's lobby, but he is soon disturbed by a hollow, metallic knocking sound. He walks towards the noise and hears it again. House realizes there must be someone trapped in the rubble making the knocking sound and calls out for help. He gets the entire search and rescue team and their dogs on the scene, but they find and hear nothing, so they give up and leave, seemingly annoyed with House for the false alarm. House isn't ready to quit, though. He finds a pipe seems like the most likely candidate for the source of the knocking and follows it down to the partially collapsed parking garage. Without telling anyone where he's going. Because that's smart. Timmy used to do stuff like this on Lassie all the time and it never worked out well for him. Or he would tell someone where he was going, but it was stupid useless old grandpa, who would either forget, fall asleep, or go with Timmy and get trapped in the well or the abandoned mine or on Mountain Lion Mountain along with him. They never learned! House explores the area until a hand suddenly grabs his cane and scares the crap out of him. Way to not knock or say anything when the firemen were looking for you but have the energy to suddenly grab House's cane, crane collapse victim. It's a woman. "Help me," she titles.
After the break, House asks for her name. Apparently, it's Pleasemyhusbandsgift. How unusual. I wonder what country that name is from? Oh, no, wait - the victim just has a weird sense of priorities. Right now, she's worried that she won't get to the framers in time to pick up her husband's birthday present. House asks for her name again, but she's still talking about the stupid picture. Seriously, you've been stuck in a collapsed parking garage for hours and your leg is crushed underneath something and someone finally comes to rescue you and this is all you have to say? House has to be asking himself why he got stuck saving the weirdo. "I'm not asking your name because I want to become friends," he says; "I'm trying to gauge your mental state." Considering that all she wants to talk about his her husband's birthday present, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say her mental state is "bad." But that's enough to snap her out of it and she says her name is Hannah. She knows what day it is, although not what happened. House explains that there's a crane on top of her. He tries to pull her out from under it, but she screams in pain. Her leg is stuck. House says he has to leave her to get help. Hannah begs him to stay, saying she's sure "someone else will come." Um, yeah, Hannah. Like the zero people who have stopped by so far? Get real. If you want to get that picture from the framers before they close, you'll let House go and get you some help.
House makes it back to the surface without getting hurt, although I'm sure that won't last. It is the season finale, after all. He calls Foreman to check up on Mr. Asshole instead of, you know, a getting a rescue team for poor Hannah. Chase and Taub are nearby when House calls, and Taub registers his disapproval of taking care of Mr. Asshole when they have two dozen other patients in need of medical attention. House says those patients don't need diagnosing -- Mr. Asshole does. Taub questions if anything is wrong with Mr. Asshole at all, saying it's very possible to fall asleep despite being hopped up on caffeine, as any medical resident should know. House ignores him and asks where Hadley is. All Foreman knows is that she isn't at work. Maybe she's at the framers picking up Hannah's husband's present? That would be a nice thing for her to do. As it happens, I don't care where Hadley is; I'm just happy to have a break from her. House orders the Cottages to do an MRI (OF DOOOM!!) on Mr. Asshole to find the "space-occupying lesion" he assumes is in his brain.
Apparently, House did alert the emergency crews about Hannah and they've been tending to her during all of this, but now they're having trouble finding a vein for the IV and ask for House's assistance, much to his disgust. He crawls back down to the parking garage and says hi to Hannah over the whine of a firemen's saw trying to cut her free. Fireman says the saw just isn't cutting it (heh heh heh) and leaves to get something else that he hopes will do the trick. This leaves House behind with Hannah, who asks for his name. House won't give it to her because he doesn't want to be friends and apparently thinks it's funny to watch an injured woman struggle to think of things to call him besides "hey, you" and "doctor." Then he jams a needle into, like, her tibia, which is the only way they can get the IV line in for some reason. Hannah does not enjoy that sensation, but it's not the worst thing that's going to happen to her legs this episode. When she stops screaming in agony, she asks to use House's cell phone to call her husband. He says there's no reception in the parking garage and, IV line in and his work finished, turns to leave Hannah again. "Fire Marshall Bill will be back soon," he assures her. Damn, an In Living Color reference? Sweet. How is it that that show gave us stars like Jim Carrey, Jamie Foxx, and Jennifer Lopez, but MadTV gave us nothing?
House finds Cuddy tending to another poor soul and tries to talk to her about personal stuff. Cuddy would rather have this discussion at a more convenient time, but House doesn't care. He "apologizes" for possibly "stepping into" what he believes is a bad patch between Cuddy and Lucas. Cuddy denies that there are any problems, then pulls him aside to explain her "weirdness" when she opened House's gift. He was right to think she was a bit thrown, as she says she was surprised when he told her that the gift wasn't for the occasion she assumed it was - her engagement. Yes, Lucas proposed to her last night and she accepted. House is clearly upset about this, as well as the fact that Cuddy felt the need to hide it from him, as evidenced by the fact that she isn't wearing her ring. Cuddy says she only took it off because she knew she was coming here. "It's not weird. There's no mystery. I'm just getting married," she explains gently. And then Fire Marshall Bill interrupts them because, you know, there are people dying and that's kind of more important right now.
Meanwhile, despite his claustrophobia, Mr. Asshole's MRI (OF DOOOM!!) goes off without a hitch. Oh, except for the fact that his nose is suddenly bleeding, followed by his eye.
House is back down with Hannah. He still looks stunned about Cuddy's news as Fire Marshall Bill tells him and Cuddy that he doesn't think there's any safe way to free Hannah's leg, so he wants to amputate. For some reason, Hannah is very much against this. Cuddy tries to convince her that this is the best option, but House is on Hannah's side, and accuses Cuddy and Fire Marshall Bill of "rushing" things to make their own jobs and lives easier. Cuddy says rushing is kind of important, what with Hannah's leg having been pinned for about two hours now and in danger of the dreaded crush syndrome setting in. "So what does that mean, like, a limp?" Hannah asks. Yeah, Hannah. They'd rather cut your leg off than leave you with a limp. Cuddy says it's more like Hannah will die. House says they have two more hours before they have to worry about crush syndrome, and he thinks Fire Marshall Bill should spend that time figuring out how to free Hannah with both legs intact. Fire Marshall Bill says they'd have to dig up ten tons of debris in two hours, which isn't likely. Hannah begs him to try. Fire Marshall Bill tells her that it's not just crush syndrome he's worried about - the longer Hannah (and Fire Marshall Bill) is down there, the more likely the chances of a secondary collapse or a gas leak or something similarly horrible happening. Fire Marshall Bill must know he's stuck in a House season finale and wants to get to safety as soon as possible. Smart guy. House asks how safe chopping someone's leg off "in a pile of dirty rocks" is. He's really selling this amputation thing to Hannah, isn't he? He says the amputation is dangerous, bringing with it the risks of infection and fat embolisms and other things that COULD BE IMPORTANT LATER. Cuddy finally speaks up to say that although House is a jerk (not necessary, Cuddy. Try not to insult your colleagues in front of the rescue team and people in need of rescuing and be a little professional here), they should do what the patient wants. Team Legs: 1, Team Choppity Chop: 0. Cuddy leaves to do more triage work. House stays with Hannah, and tells her his name before promising he won't let them cut her leg off. Hannah knows she can trust him. One second later, House's cell phone rings, thus proving that he lied to her when he said it didn't work. Trust: broken. Not like House really cares.
Back at PPTH, the patient we cannot possibly care about still needs to be diagnosed. Hadley rushes in, apologizing for being late. No need to be sorry, Hadley! In fact, you should do this more often. House snaps at her over the speaker phone, asking where she was. Hadley claims that she was in physical therapy. House barks at the Cottages to do a series of tests and stop trying to tell him that Mr. Asshole's problems are due to accident trauma. Hadley doesn't quite get up to speed enough before she says they should do an X-ray to rule out that Mr. Asshole's bleeds are caused by ... accident trauma. "Just do what I tell you!" House yells at them, and hangs up. He gets up to leave, causing Hannah to panic again. House might have lied to her about the phone, but he's the only guy she trusts not to cut her leg off. House says he has to get to PPTH because his patient there needs him more than he thinks Hannah does. House hops on his motorcycle, only to be stopped by Cuddy, who says Hannah is having a panic attack down there and won't calm down without House. Cuddy seems as surprised by this fact as anyone.
After the break, we flashforward to House in his bathroom for a second just to remind us of how awful things are sure to end, then back to him with Hannah. She thanks him for coming back for her and apologizes for "needing" him. It's not her fault. Maybe if Cuddy and the Fire Marshall weren't so willing to chop her leg off, she wouldn't feel like she needed House down there to protect her. Against his better judgment, House hands her his cell phone so she can call her husband. Why didn't they just do that before when she was having those panic attacks? Did they really think it was better for her to have House there than speak to her husband? Husband answers the phone, and we hear from Hannah's side of the conversation that he knows what happened to her (someone called him, apparently) but didn't seem to feel the need to, like, get off his couch about it. Hannah apologizes to Charlie for missing his birthday, like being pinned under ten tons of debris isn't a good enough excuse. Charlie has some seriously high expectations for his wife, I guess. House mutters that Hannah's blood pressure is starting to spike, which is why he didn't want her to use the phone in the first place. Nice to know that he had reasons for that beyond not wanting to waste his minutes on some woman and her silly problems. He tells her to hang up on her husband, and criticizes himself for being "stupid" by letting her do that. Hannah thinks it was "nice." No reason why it can't be both. Apparently, Charlie the husband was already on his way to the accident site when she called, but he's coming from Baltimore, which explains the delay. While she and House are down there, she asks him what happened to his leg. "Crane fell on it. Small world," he says. Hannah finds this funny. Which it is, except probably not so much if your leg currently has a crane on top of it. Hannah says he could have just said he wouldn't answer instead of, like, making her feel stupid about it. House says he'll remember that the time he bothers with human contact. Since they can't talk about House's leg because he's cranky or the accident for fear of raising Hannah's blood pressure, Hannah asks House to pray with her. Yeah, that's going to go over well. "No," House says simply, apparently taking Hannah's advice on the most polite way to answer stupid questions. He says he doesn't believe in god. "I don't either," Hannah says. But I guess she does enough for this to make her feel a little better. House rolls his eyes but folds his hands over his stomach and tries to look like he's thinking good thoughts for Hannah's sake.
The moment ends when Hannah speaks again, saying she always thought that if she treated people right and did the right thing, "good things would happen to me." Really, Hannah? You don't know anyone in your life who was a truly good person who did good things, only to have something terrible happen to him? Or do you think, deep down, that if something bad happens to someone, that person must have deserved it? Because that's kind of a childish way to look at life. It also fits in with this season's theme (or rather, the theme of the first and last few episodes of it), so it's cool. Hannah asks House for his opinion on the matter. He says he used not to believe in that kind of thing, but "recently" he tried to be a better person in the hopes that better thing would happen to him. He's still not sure if it worked. I hate to break it to him, but he really hasn't been much of a better person this season, nor has he really looked like he's been trying. Fire Marshall Bill suddenly enters with a bunch of equipment and "good news." Ah, the answered prayers of non-believers!
Taub and Hadley are stuck trying to stick a catheter in Mr. Asshole's vein to look for deformities. Taub would rather ask Hadley if everything is okay with her, since he has her physical therapy schedule memorized and so knows she wasn't there today. Hadley refuses to tell him anything and seems to resent his concern, but she does tell him that everything is okay and not to worry.
Hannah is entering the delusional stage of her injury, as she asks House if they can "be friends" when this is over. House offers to take her to a ballgame or a "group sex show." Don't knock it, House. I was once invited to see a group sex show when I was in Amsterdam. With my family. And I was like 19 but probably looked 15. When I pointed out that I was here with my parents and little brother, he offered us a group discount. We didn't take him up on the offer, but I'm just saying that it's not totally out of the realm of possibility if House and Hannah and Hannah's husband and even some underage kids were to take a friendship tour of Holland. Fire Marshall Bill wedges an airbag thing under the rubble that will hopefully lift the beam up off of Hannah's leg as it fills with air. Yes, a saw can't cut through that beam, so let's fight it with AIR. House prepares Hannah to feel some pain as the beam starts to lift off of her leg. They get it a few centimeters off of her leg and try to yank her out. She screams in pain as, predictably, the ceiling collapses on everyone.
After the break, the parking garage has settled back down and House opens his eyes to find himself lying on his back covered in what appears to be sawdust but I guess is building material. Fire Marshall Bill has also survived the collapse, and he checks in with House before radioing for help while House looks for Hannah. She's covered in heavy pieces of wall but still breathing, albeit labored. House grabs Fire Marshall Bill's medical kit and instadiagnoses Hannah with a collapsed lung. Really? That building couldn't have dropped a piece on anyone else? It had to be Hannah? I'm starting to think that she's right about this karma thing and she did something horrible to buildings to deserve this. I'll bet that frame shop she was on her way to collapsed, too. House grabs a needle and jabs it into Hannah's chest to let the air causing her lung to collapse to escape and her lung to re-inflate. She's breathing better now, but still not in very good shape. House isn't doing so well either, as he's bleeding from a cut he sustained in the collapse. He tells Hannah he has to go get it looked at, so she'd better not freak out without him like she did last time. Hannah is too focused on trying to breathe to panic.
Back up top, Cuddy repairs House's neck wound and lectures him for putting himself in yet another dangerous situation, saying he's lucky the cut isn't worse. House says if he was really lucky, the building wouldn't have collapsed on him in the first place. Fair point. The Cottages check in on the phone to say the venogram came back clean, but Mr. Asshole now has a fever. House tells them to do an LP to look for infections and hangs up. Fire Marshall Bill walks up to tell them that the collapse ruined their chances of doing that airbag thing again. Cuddy thinks it's time to amputate. Ah, Team Choppity Chop is back in full effect! So is Team Legs, though, as House again refuses, saying they can counter the effects of crush syndrome by shooting Hannah up with drugs that will treat the elevated levels of potassium that crush syndrome causes. He thinks some insulin will do the trick. All they need to do is find a diabetic, which, given the current obesity epidemic in America, shouldn't be too difficult. Cuddy thinks it's insane to think they'll be able to figure out and administer the correct dose of insulin to a patient in a "non-hospital setting." But cutting her leg off in a "non-hospital setting" is a good idea? "It's not worth it," she concludes. Oops. "Really? Because I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth," House snaps, threatening to testify against Fire Marshall Bill when Hannah sues him for unnecessarily cutting off her leg. Cuddy asks Fire Marshall Bill to step away for a second so she and House can talk privately. She begs House not to put Hannah's life at risk just to try to get back at Cuddy. House is like, "really? Wow. So this is all about you now?" He has a point there ... but so does Cuddy. We have seen House put patients' lives in danger just to prove a point in the past. Cuddy says the fact that House took Hannah's side "against" Cuddy's amputation recommendation just after hearing that she was engaged is proof that she's right. House thinks it's proof that she's a "pathetic narcissist." Yeah, kind of. But so is he! Match made in heaven. Cuddy breaks it down: "I don't love you. So just accept it and move on with your life instead of making everyone miserable." Meanwhile, Hannah is kind of dying down there. But I guess House and Cuddy are too self-involved to care about that. House says he doesn't need life lessons from "a middle-aged single mom who's dating a man-child." And how would that be any different if she was dating House instead of Lucas? "Screw you," Cuddy says icily. But that's not all! "I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done." Well. As hard as that was to watch House hear I've been telling these people to say this to him for years now. House tells Cuddy to "stay away" from Hannah. Cuddy asks him if he really thinks it's worth it to risk Hannah's life to save her leg. "It really worked out well for you, didn't it?" she points out, now apparently on a roll of saying the things that she's been wanting to tell him for years. It gets worse: "what do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you? You've got nothing, House. Nothing." True, but did she really need to say that? House is miserable enough without it being pointed out to him. Cuddy says she is going down to convince Hannah to agree to the amputation that will save her life, and if House has "any decency," he'll leave her to it. Ha! The joke's on you, Cuddy -- House doesn't have any decency. She leaves him looking like he just got hit with a ton of bricks. Like, even moreso than a few minutes ago, when he actually did get hit with a ton of bricks. I'm sorry the truth hurts, House, but it's not like you really care about anyone else's feelings when you tell it to them, so I don't know why I should feel sorry for you when you get a taste of your own medicine. But I do, because Hugh Laurie is that good.
Hannah refuses the amputation, saying House promised her it wouldn't happen. Cuddy says they don't have a choice anymore. "It doesn't hurt right now. I can wait," Hannah says. Wait for what? Your other lung to collapse? More pieces of parking garage to fall on you? House arrives, much to Cuddy's disgust and Hannah's happiness. Team Legs is reunited! She asks him to tell Cuddy that her leg doesn't have to be cut off. Instead, House talks to Hannah. "We have to amputate your leg," he says gently. Cuddy and Hannah both look at him like, "say WHAT?" Hannah's still defiant, so House decides to tell her about how he hurt his leg. He had a blood clot and a lot of muscle death, so doctors told him the best course of action would be to amputate, but he refused. Instead, they did a "very risky operation" that saved House's leg but almost killed him. Hannah says the important thing is that he saved his leg. "I wish I hadn't," House says. I think that's the first time we've heard him admit this, right? Or at least the first time when he wasn't, like, on drugs or near death for whatever reason. Also, have we forgotten that House's limp and chronic pain happened because his botoxed girlfriend went against his wishes when he was in a coma and told doctors to surgically remove the dead muscle, thus leaving him with, as he calls it, a "mutilated useless thing" and chronic pain? Because while I understand his point that he should have gone for the amputation, it wasn't exactly because he didn't that he's like this now. It's because he gave his power of attorney to Stacey McFrozenface and she abused it when he was too unconscious to do anything about it. "It changed me," House claims, which is also different than what we've been told about pre-limp House, which was that he was cranky bastard then, too. But maybe he's just telling Hannah this and intentionally twisting the truth to make a point. "Made me a harder person. A worse person. And now ... now I'm alone. You don't want to be like me," House says, reminding her that she has a husband, friends, a life to live and a family to start. "This is just a leg," he says. I'll ignore the re-writing of show history because this scene was just so well done and so heartbreaking. Hannah agrees to the amputation. Cuddy makes a series of sad faces. House turns to her and says he'll the rough stuff. Team Legs: 1, Team Choppity Chop: 1.
After the break, it's just House and Hannah down there as House gets ready to remove her leg. He says he can't put her to sleep because it'll slow down her breathing too much. Okay, but chopping off her leg while she's awake to feel it won't?!?! This can't possibly be a better idea than knocking her out. House gives Hannah something that will "take away some of the pain," but I have a feeling it won't be nearly enough. Can't they at least get her good and drunk? Or give her some leather to bite on? Like they used to do before they figured out how to knock people out safely? "Will it be quick?" Hannah asks hopefully. No, it totally won't. House will have to use a scalpel to slice down to the bone, then switch over to a saw (one that hopefully works better than what they used to cut through that support beam) for the two leg bones. He says he'll cut off as little of her leg as possible, then they'll get her to the hospital and fit her for a prosthetic. "You'll be running circles around me in no time," he says. That's supposed to cheer Hannah up, but it's kind of sad since it's true. Not only would an amputated House be in less pain, but he'd probably get better able to move. "How bad will it hurt?" Hannah finally asks. "Like nothing you've ever felt before," House says. He holds Hannah's hand, except that his hand has a glove on it, so his caring gesture just contaminated the scene even more than it was already. Also, are they seriously just going to leave House to this with no one to make sure that Hannah stays still during it? Like they expect her to have control over her body while she's enduring, like, the worst pain she's ever felt in her life?
I guess so, as we see everyone else up top, listening to Hannah's screams as House saws through her leg. It's a very fun time for everyone, I'm sure. At the end of the game, it's Team Legs: 1, Team Choppity Chop: 2. One-legged Hannah is taken out of the building on a stretcher. House follows, putting on his leather jacket but leaving his cane behind because of SYMBOLISM. Charlie-Come-Lately finally arrives now that all the hard stuff is done. "I'm so sorry," she says. What is WITH this lady? Her leg just got cut off and she's still apologizing? Charlie seems to be used to this, and tells her to "shut up." He said it nicely and all, but still. That was kind of harsh. Hannah ignores him and keeps talking, saying she knows Charlie loved her legs. He says he loves her, not her legs. Duh. Was she expecting him to say that he was having divorce papers drawn up right now and filing on the grounds of lack of complete legs? Please. Hannah says she loves him, too. Except I'm not sure if I believe that, since love means never having to say you're sorry and Hannah says she's sorry all the time. Cuddy and House watch them, then House follows Hannah and Charlie into the ambulance. He gives Cuddy one last look before closing the doors.
In the ambulance, House gets a call from the Cottages, because it's time to resolve the B-plot. Mr. Asshole's LP was clear, but he's in a coma. And he's surrounded by police officers, who were in the middle of questioning him when he passed out. House asks if Mr. Asshole was under stress just before any of his other symptoms showed up. Taub says he was - in the MRI (OF DOOOM!!), he commented about being claustrophobic, then his face started bleeding. Good thing Hannah isn't claustrophobic. That's like the only thing that could have made her day worse. She probably will be claustrophobic from now on, though. Just before Mr. Asshole's fever spiked, the Cottages apparently said something to him about how he probably did fall asleep on the job after all. Well, that was nice of them. House is so worn out from everything that he doesn't even get his Epiphany Face, just says that the initial cause of Mr. Asshole's first onset on symptoms - passing out at the controls of the crane - was caused by those caffeine pills he took. House's diagnosis is something called an arachnoid cyst on his lower spine, which only showed symptoms they mistook for a neurological problem when his blood pressure spiked during times of stress. House tells them to confirm it with a CT scan, but then has to hang up because Hannah is starting to gasp for air and her blood pressure is dropping.
House rushes over to her and listens to her chest. He figures out that the problem is not her collapsed lung again and mutters to himself "damn it, I waited too long." She has a clot in her lung, but House can fix that with some blood thinners. It's probably not the greatest idea what with that open wound that used to be her leg and all, but it's all they can do. House administers the drugs, but they have no effect. House listens to Hannah's chest again. Whatever he hears, it isn't good. He takes the stethoscope off and sits back, stunned. "What?" Charlie asks. House says he was wrong about the clot. Hannah actually has a fat embolism, a complication from the amputation. And those are far worse than clots. Oops. The surgery that House convinced Hannah to agree to and did himself (and by himself) has killed her. "What can we do?" Charlie says, although I think he must already know the answer. Hannah just keeps her eyes locked on House, who looks positively destroyed. There will be no group sex show trips in their future after all.
Foreman runs to the ambulance bay, followed by a trauma team. Wait, they sent Hannah all the way to PPTH? They could go anywhere closer? Foreman opens the ambulance doors to find that the ambulance is now the waahmbulance, as the patient is dead. Seriously, if they'd just gone to a closer hospital I really think they could have done something to save her in time. Also, this is depressing as fuck but I think we all expected that from a season finale of this show, didn't we?
After the break, House is still in ambulance. Everyone else is gone. Foreman kindly stayed behind to talk to him, reminding him that fat embolisms are apparently unavoidable and this would have happened no matter where or who did the amputation. House limps out of the ambulance and into the empty lobby. Foreman follows, urging House not to blame himself for Hannah's death. "This wasn't your fault," he says. "THAT'S THE POINT!" House screams suddenly; "I did everything right. She died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?" He'd rather feel responsible than helpless. He staggers to the reception desk, clutching at his leg. "You shouldn't be alone right now," Foreman says softly. Also, House's neck wound is bleeding again. House looks at Foreman and orders him, as his employee, to step aside. Foreman does. He cares about House, but not that much.
Back in House's office, we still have to wrap up Hadley's latest mystery. She leaves a note on the desk and starts to walk out, only to be stopped by Taub, who asks what she just put on their boss's desk. And here, my friends, is where this episode goes from gut-wrenching and depressing to HAPPY FUN TIMES HOORAY! "I'm asking for some time off," Hadley admits. "What's wrong?" Taub asks. Hadley just looks at him, because he knows what's wrong. She has a terminal disease. Also a movie career. "Are you okay?" he asks again. "Obviously not," Hadley says.
And then we're back in House's bathroom. He studies himself in the mirror for a while before ripping it off the wall and slamming it into the bathtub. Behind it is a hole in the wall, in which he stashed two pill bottles. Oh, House. He just couldn't throw them all away, could he? What was even the point of him throwing some of them away if he wasn't going to get rid of them all? And how will he get his security deposit back now? He grabs the bottles and sits on the floor so Hugh Laurie can do some amazing acting. His eyes tear up because he's actually feeling something, which is something drug addicts like to avoid and why, I think, many of them do drugs in the first place. It's the only thing House knows will make him feel better (or at least, less worse), so he gives up and dumps a few in his hand. This show is so good when House gets to have normal human emotions, don't you think? And when he connects on some level with his patients and co-workers? Too bad the patients he connected with this season had to die, like, five minutes later. That's a bummer. And just as the music is swelling to the sad climax we're all expecting, someone enters the room. Once again, House forgot to lock his door. I guess he was kind of distracted, though.
"You gonna leap across the room and grab them out of my hand?" House asks. "No," Cuddy says. Ah, yes. Of course it's Cuddy. Wilson is probably too busy trying to juggle his busy social life and remove pieces of glass from some guy's face. "It's your choice if you want to go back on drugs," she continues. House says he can't think of a reason not to at this point. Cuddy gets practical, saying she needs to re-bandage his shoulder. House assumes that Foreman told her he was bleeding and to go to his apartment to fix it. Cuddy says that's not why she's here. "Here to yell at me again?" House guesses, very much stuck in self-pity mode. Cuddy says no to that, too. House asks what she wants, then. "Lucas ... " Cuddy starts. House groans, but this time the news is not what he expected. "I ended it," Cuddy says. And now it's House's turn to give her the "say WHAT?" face. Cuddy says that she's "stuck." No matter how much she wants or tries to move "forward," she can't. She's in her new house with her new fiancé "and all I can think about is you." Well, she certainly isn't thinking about her daughter, who didn't even get a mention. House is as shocked as I am. Cuddy's "forget you!" speech earlier was so convincing that this doesn't quite ... seem real. "I just need to know if you and I can work," Cuddy says. She probably should have asked him that question before she dumped Lucas. You know, just in case he said no. "You think I can fix myself?" he asks. "I don't know," Cuddy says. "Because I am the most screwed up person in the world," House says. "I know," Cuddy sighs. Say, this is a happy moment for these two. Cuddy has never looked sadder than when she's giving up on her normal, non-House life, and House is saying things that no one ever actually says in real life, especially not him. But ... "I love you," Cuddy says. She then ruins whatever moment they had by following that up with "I wish I didn't" while trying to hold back tears of sadness. House tries to stand up, but he needs assistance. He holds out a hand for Cuddy to take and help him up, just as automatically as when he helped her put on the Action Cuddy Jumpsuit in the beginning of the episode. They kiss, then House says "how do I know I'm not hallucinating?" Good point. "Did you take the Vicodin?" Cuddy asks. House looks down at his hand. The pills are still there. "No," House says. Of course, he didn't think he had taken any Vicodin last time, too. "I think we're okay," Cuddy says. "Yeah," House says, allowing himself to smile just a little bit. They kiss again, and House drops the pills on the floor and takes her hand in his.
And yes, that ending did feel a little out of place and weirdly tacked-on. Cuddy spent, like, 55 minutes of this episode wanting nothing to do with House and insisting that she didn't love him, only to run in at the last minute with a "just kidding!" But I liked it anyway. I think it's because I wasn't expecting it. I thought we were going to see another House breakdown and more depression and torture but instead, and at House's lowest point, we actually got something hopeful and positive and happy. It's the best way this season could have ended, I think. It's not the writers' fault that Katie Jacobs ruined their plans for the season by running into the writers room last year saying "HEY GUYS CHECK IT OUT BE SURE TO HAVE HOUSE PINE AWAY FOR CUDDY ALL OF THE SUDDEN AND ALSO I HATE JENNIFER MORRISON NOW SO GET RID OF CAMERON THE MOST NONSENSICAL AND ABRUPT WAY POSSIBLE EVEN THOUGH HER CHARACTER JUST GOT MARRIED TO CHASE AND OH BY THE WAY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE FIRST TWO HOURS OF THIS SEASON TAKE PLACE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL AND IT WILL BE A GORGEOUS AND STUNNING EPISODE BECAUSE I'M DIRECTING IT. MAKE IT WORK" and then left them there to figure it out. And yes, I think she speaks in all caps. And that she then ran right back in the room with this: "P.S. WRITE A PART FOR MY DAUGHTER K THANKS BYE" and left again. Even with those handicaps, they ended the season the way they always do: leaving me looking forward to the fall and what will happen .
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.
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